- hace 6 días
Max has to learn about art in order to try to capture Bronzefinger, a thief and smuggler of valuable bronze statues. Will Max and 99 end up as Bronze statues? A spoof of Goldfinger.
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00:00Oh, Max, I just love surprise parties.
00:06Me too, 99.
00:07Boy, time really does fly.
00:09Do you realize, 99, that Agent 54 will be 36 today?
00:13My gosh, it seems like only yesterday that 54 was 35.
00:17What time's he coming, Max?
00:18In about an hour.
00:19I told him to be here for a surprise party promptly at 8.
00:23Oh, yeah.
00:23Hey, want to see the present I got for him?
00:24Oh, I'd love to.
00:26It's a painting, 99.
00:27Oh, Max, I didn't know you were painting.
00:29Oh, yes, I do a lot of painting now.
00:31The control psychiatrist said that it would be good therapy for me
00:34to counterbalance the violence and brutality in my work.
00:38So I painted this picture of Agent 54 shooting and stabbing a chaos man.
00:43What do you think?
00:44Um, it's very interesting, Max.
00:47It reminds me of Picasso.
00:49Oh, that's too bad.
00:50It's supposed to look like 54.
00:53Oh, that must be the chief.
00:55Oh, I'll check the birthday cake.
00:5954, what are you doing here?
01:10It's early.
01:11Sorry, Max.
01:13They threw me out of a speeding car.
01:15Take it easy, take it easy.
01:16We're going to have a good time anyway.
01:18I've spoiled the whole surprise party.
01:20No, you look terrible, 54.
01:23I better get you a glass of punch.
01:24I asked them to circle the block a couple of times, but they were in a hurry to get rid
01:28of me.
01:28I'm sorry, Max.
01:30The birthday boy shouldn't be the first to arrive.
01:33I'll wait in the hall.
01:35You don't have to do that, 54.
01:40Max!
01:41Who is it?
01:4254.
01:43What happened?
01:44He came early.
01:45He's dead, Max.
01:49What a rotten way to celebrate his birthday.
01:52Look at that.
01:53Paint.
01:54He's painted completely blue.
01:56I thought he looked different.
01:58That's probably how he died, Max.
01:59Suffocation by paint.
02:01Well, we better go fill the chief in.
02:04Right.
02:05But we better make sure that nobody touches the body.
02:07Don't worry, 99.
02:08I'm way ahead of you.
02:09There.
02:10That should do it.
02:10I'm way ahead of you.
02:40I'm way ahead of you.
03:10Now, think, Max.
03:15Did Agent 54 say anything before he died?
03:19Yes, Chief.
03:19He apologized for being early.
03:21No, I don't mean that.
03:22Did he say anything about a Rembrandt von Bronzefinger?
03:25No, he didn't, Chief.
03:26What case was Agent 54 working on, Chief?
03:28A chaos art forgery ring.
03:30Art forgery?
03:31Yes, we know that chaos has been replacing famous works of art with clever but worthless copies and then selling the originals behind the Iron Curtain.
03:38This is how they've been financing their operations lately.
03:41Uh, Chief, would you mind moving your head to the left just a little bit?
03:45Ah, that's much better.
03:47Now, could you tilt it up a little bit?
03:49Good, good.
03:49Now, just one more thing, Chief.
03:52What?
03:52Could you take this off?
03:53My thumb is stuck.
03:57Thank you, Chief.
03:57Chief, do we have anything to go on?
04:00Well, we have reason to believe that chaos is operating right out of the museum.
04:03Who is this Rembrandt von Bronzefinger?
04:06He's the chaos agent who copies the masterpieces, then substitutes the copies for the real ones.
04:11He's so good that only an expert could tell his work from the original.
04:14Now, we've got to get an agent inside the museum, find out who Bronzefinger is, and stop him.
04:19I don't know why I let you convince me to pose for you.
04:21Well, after all, Chief, you promised me a crock at this assignment.
04:25Max, I told you before, it's not up to me to give you this assignment.
04:29It's up to Mr. Van Clef.
04:30He's the head of the museum.
04:31Now, he's going to pick the control agent who is the best artist.
04:34For what, Chief?
04:34To go to work in the restoring room.
04:37Bronzefinger could be one of the technicians working there.
04:39Uh, Chief, I'm up to your mouth now.
04:41Would you mind not moving your lips while you're talking?
04:45The better artist the agent is, the less likely he'll be suspicious.
04:53Hello?
04:55Oh, good.
04:58Mr. Van Clef is arriving.
05:01That's all right, Chief.
05:02You don't have to talk like that anymore.
05:03I'm finished.
05:04Well, let's see it.
05:08He doesn't even look like me.
05:10That's because you moved your mouth.
05:15Let's get to it, gentlemen.
05:16I haven't much time.
05:17All right, Mr. Van Clef.
05:18Now, this was painted by Agent 22.
05:20He calls it afternoon of a giraffe.
05:21Very interesting.
05:22Only I wouldn't call it afternoon of a giraffe.
05:24What would you call it?
05:25Junk.
05:26Mr. Van Clef, how do you like this one over here?
05:29Don't you think it's got a lot of power and magnetism and emotional depth?
05:33Would you believe that this painting has been compared to the works of Henry Matisse?
05:37No.
05:38Would you believe Michelangelo?
05:41How about Charlton Heston?
05:43Mr. Van Clef, you have to excuse Agent 86.
05:45He was very fond of Agent 54, and he's anxious for this assignment.
05:49Chief, may I speak to you for a minute?
05:50Oh, yes.
05:50Excuse me.
05:51I don't see what's wrong with it.
05:53It's kind of pretty.
05:53Got a lot of pretty colors.
05:54Red and black and green.
05:56Uh, Mr. Van Clef.
05:57Oh, sorry about that.
05:59The paint's still wet.
06:00Mr. Van Clef, Chaos has just smuggled another masterpiece out of the museum.
06:03There's no time to lose.
06:04You've got to make your decision immediately.
06:06Is this a dangerous assignment?
06:08Oh, yes, indeed.
06:08One false move, and they'll eliminate our agent.
06:11In that case, I choose him.
06:13Wow.
06:14Very wise choice, Mr. Van Clef.
06:15And don't worry about a thing.
06:17I'll catch the thief who stole those paintings, or die in the attempt.
06:21Can you do both?
06:27I'm sorry to take you out of class, Max,
06:29but a week of art instruction is all the time we can spare.
06:31Oh, that's all right, Chief.
06:32I learned an awful lot in that week.
06:34I learned that if you put blue with yellow, you get green.
06:37And if you put red with blue, you get purple.
06:40Very good, Max.
06:41And I had almost four hours of actual painting.
06:44Four hours?
06:45How'd you spend the rest of the time?
06:47Washing.
06:48Mr. Van Clef has arranged for 99 to be planted in the museum as a guide.
06:52And Carlson has devised some very unique art weapons for this mission.
06:57Now, what do these look like to you?
06:59Well, they look like ordinary paintbrushes, Chief.
07:01Two of them are.
07:02Watch this.
07:06Hey, Chief, you painted a bullseye.
07:08Now, this may look like an ordinary art palette,
07:10but actually, it's a bulletproof shield.
07:14Go ahead, Max, try it.
07:14Take a brush and shoot.
07:16Are you kidding, Chief?
07:17I might kill you.
07:18Well, just make sure you hit the palette.
07:20Well, okay, Chief.
07:23Are you ready?
07:24Ready.
07:24Sorry about that, Chief.
07:27Wrong brush.
07:29Wrong brush.
07:33Now, that's what I call the right brush.
07:36Nice.
07:37Let's get back to the special equipment.
07:39Now, you see this tube of paint?
07:42Now, you take it and squeeze it.
07:43Right, Chief.
07:44Oh, on second thought, I'll do it.
07:46This one is Carlson's favorite.
07:48Hey, that's great, Chief.
07:51I never knew Carlson was once a juvenile delinquent.
07:54Remember, the man you have to find is Rembrandt von Bronzefinger.
07:58Whoever he is, he's working somewhere in the museum.
08:00Don't worry, Chief.
08:01I'll find him.
08:02I've got a score to settle with Bronzefinger.
08:04Well, if you settled with him,
08:05half as well as you settled with me,
08:06control will be well satisfied.
08:08All right, Bronzefinger, drop the gun.
08:15I'm a trained karate expert,
08:17and these hands are deadly weapons.
08:26Oh, excuse me.
08:28Who is it?
08:28It's me, Max.
08:31Give me the secret knock.
08:35Password?
08:36Bismarck.
08:38Countersign, Salt Lake City.
08:40Can I come in now?
08:41Come on in, 99.
08:42The door's open.
08:44Come here, Max.
08:4599, what are you doing here?
08:47It's after 10 o'clock.
08:48Oh, I was restless, and I thought I'd take a walk.
08:52Well, you should be careful.
08:53It's not safe for a girl to be out after dark.
08:55Oh, Max, I'm a big girl.
08:58Hey!
08:59Oh, sorry, Max.
09:01That's all right.
09:02I probably weakened him while I was practicing.
09:06Max, I'm really worried about you
09:07going to work at the museum.
09:09Worried?
09:09Why?
09:10Oh, I would just hate to have you end up painted blue.
09:13Oh, there, there, 99.
09:15If you really feel that way about it,
09:17why, I'll pick orange.
09:18How's that?
09:19It's just that sometimes I wish you were just
09:20an ordinary businessman.
09:22Well, 99, we are what we are.
09:25I'm a secret agent,
09:26trained to be cold, vicious, and savage.
09:29Not enough to be a businessman.
09:31Well, it's getting late.
09:34I guess I better be going.
09:3599, wait a minute.
09:42I guess you're worried about chaos.
09:44Forget about chaos.
09:45I have a very strict landlady.
09:46And now, if you'd like to follow me,
09:57I'm going to show you another masterpiece
10:01of the same period.
10:04Actually, this painting is only on loan
10:06to the museum.
10:06It's called Young Girl at a Half-Open Door.
10:11And here we have one of the museum's proudest possessions,
10:14the man in the golden helmet.
10:19And now, if you'd all like to step around
10:21to the south corridor,
10:22we can continue there.
10:23Emil, I should like to introduce you to your new associate,
10:46Mr. Maxwell Smart.
10:47Mr. Smart, this is Emil,
10:49our specialist in the Renaissance period.
10:51And this is Wolfgang,
10:56our specialist in the medieval period.
11:01And here we have Victoria,
11:04our specialist in the impressionistic period.
11:08And what is your period, Mr. Smart?
11:10All periods.
11:12I learned early in life not to play any favorites.
11:14And here, Mr. Smart, is your work area.
11:20You will restore this canvas.
11:22As you can see, the paint is chipped in the corner.
11:26It's a beautiful painting.
11:27Who did it?
11:29Brock, of course.
11:31So, there's a chip off the old Brock, eh?
11:33Okay, let's get to it.
11:37Good luck.
11:38Uh, pardon me.
11:58I wonder if you could tell me
11:59if there's a place to change.
12:00Oh, certainly.
12:02There's a, uh, utility closet right over there.
12:05This is 86 calling control.
12:31This is 86 calling control.
12:32Come in control.
12:33Hello, Chief.
12:35This is Max.
12:36I've made contact with the three suspects.
12:38That's fine, Max.
12:39Now, listen.
12:40I just remembered something that Agent 54 told me.
12:42The night he was killed,
12:43one of those three asked him to stay late.
12:46Now, it could happen again, so be careful.
12:48Don't worry about me, Chief.
12:49I'll be my usual alert, intelligent self.
12:53That's what worries me.
13:03Mr. Smart, I hate to mention it,
13:20but you forgot to glue the tail in the canvas
13:22before you repainted the spot.
13:24How do you like that?
13:26Now I'm going to have to start all over again.
13:28What a shame.
13:30Why don't we stay late tonight?
13:33We can finish it before Ben Gleif has a chance to see it.
13:36Oh, Mr. Smart, do let me borrow your red.
13:43Huh?
13:43Oh, yes, of course.
13:44Here you are.
13:46You know, I may have to stay a bit late this evening
13:49and finish things up.
13:50You might stay with me
13:51and perhaps we can have a spot of tea.
13:53This brush is like a club.
13:57How do they expect me to stoke with it?
13:59Don't tell me.
14:00Let me guess.
14:01You want me to stay late tonight
14:03so you can borrow one of my brushes.
14:05Of course not.
14:05Who needs you to stay late for that?
14:07I borrow one of your brushes right now.
14:11However, I could use someone
14:13to help me refinish the frame.
14:15If you could possibly stay a little later for that,
14:17I would be very grateful.
14:23Have you found out anything, Max?
14:44Yes, I've narrowed the three suspects down to three suspects.
14:47Mr. Max, they're smuggling out another original tonight.
14:50Agent 13 found out about it.
14:52Where is Agent 13?
14:53He's in the Dutch section.
14:54I've got to go before they get suspicious.
14:56Hurry, Max.
14:57Right.
14:57The Dutch section.
14:58Hey, Tim, is that you?
15:20I didn't recognize you with that fancy-looking helmet on.
15:23Do I look very funny?
15:24No, as a matter of fact, it looks very nice.
15:27You don't think it's, uh, too much, huh?
15:29Look, 13, I didn't come over here to talk to you about your helmet.
15:33Now, what have you found out?
15:34Shh.
15:34Bronzefinger stole another original.
15:45I was looking at that cute little Dutch girl over there,
15:47and I bent down to fix my knickers, and when I came up, she was gone.
15:50What do you mean she was gone?
15:51She's still there, 13.
15:54That's not her.
15:55That's a copy.
15:56They can't fool me.
15:58Where's that twinkle in her eye and that smile on those cute little rosebud lips?
16:0413, you've been hanging on the wall too long.
16:06You can't stare at a girl for two weeks and not get involved.
16:11Forget her, 13.
16:12It wouldn't have worked out anyway.
16:13So, look, we've got to crack this case.
16:15Can you describe Bronzefinger?
16:17No, I can't.
16:18All I remember is the footsteps of the thief going toward the restoring room.
16:22When I finished with my knickers, he was out of eye shot.
16:24What do you mean, out of eye shot?
16:26I can see up and down the entire corridor.
16:28Uh-huh.
16:28But you're not in a frame.
16:30All I can do is this.
16:31I'm not allowed to do this.
16:33I'm not a pop art painting, you know.
16:38That's the museum's closing bell.
16:40I've got to get out of here.
16:41I've got an appointment in the restoring room.
16:43You're not seeing my little Dutch girl, are you?
16:46That'd be ridiculous.
16:47Of course not.
16:49My date is with Bronzefinger.
16:58Emile, so you're Bronzefinger.
17:28Dead.
17:30Well, that lets him out.
17:32Now there's only Victoria and Wolfgang left.
17:36Personally, it's my guess that it's Victoria.
17:41Would you believe Wolfgang?
17:47Painted to death.
17:55No, Mr. Smart, it was none of them.
17:58You see, I am.
18:04Bronze thumb.
18:05Bronze finger.
18:07A thumb is also a finger.
18:09Hey, so you're Bronzefinger.
18:11What about them?
18:13They were Chaos agents, too.
18:15But they were going to sell out to you tonight.
18:18However, all this information will do you no good.
18:21You see, you'll never live to tell about it.
18:24Wait a minute, Bronzefinger.
18:26Where did you get that brush gun?
18:27It's a standard Chaos weapon.
18:30Oh, really?
18:31Well, control happens to have a patent on the brush gun.
18:34And stealing a patent is a very serious offense in this country.
18:38Sue me.
18:39Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
18:43Too bad, Bronzefinger.
18:43Bronzefinger.
18:44Your brush is empty.
18:50The Tube Sword 2.
18:53You guys ever invent anything on your own?
18:56I'll tell you one thing.
19:01Chaos is in for one big lawsuit.
19:04We invented the Tube Sword first.
19:06You stole it from us.
19:08Swipe!
19:12Say, what does Chaos get for one of these things?
19:14$50 a piece.
19:15Is that wholesale or retail?
19:1799, I have a feeling Bronzefinger is up to something.
19:33I hope I'm not on a line, Bronzefinger, but just what do you think you're doing?
19:38You're both about to be bronzed.
19:41Okay.
19:43Bronzed?
19:44All of us?
19:45All of you.
19:47Oh.
19:47I don't suppose you'd settle for just our baby shoes.
19:50No, I wouldn't.
19:51This is a timer, Mr. Smart.
19:53It controls the position of the crucible.
19:55Now, after three minutes, the molten metal will turn you into an admirable pair of bookends.
20:00Let the girl go, Bronzefinger.
20:01She doesn't know anything.
20:03Thanks.
20:03Oh, I didn't mean it that way, 99.
20:06Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
20:07I'll be back in three minutes after it's all over.
20:12You see, I cannot bear to hear a woman crying.
20:15How do you feel about a man screaming?
20:17Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
20:24Max, we've got to call Control.
20:25Don't be silly, 99.
20:26He won't give us a phone.
20:28Your shoe phone, Max?
20:29Oh, boss, I forgot.
20:30Here.
20:32Give us...
20:32Oh, I've got it.
20:34Good, good, good.
20:35Here, I'll hold it and you dial.
20:37It's the wrong shoe, 99.
20:43Hit the other.
20:44Here, we've got it.
20:46Here, we've got it.
20:46Check it out with your little shoe.
20:48Oh, we've got it.
20:50Good girl, 99.
20:52Don't drop it now.
20:55There we go.
20:56Oh, good.
20:59Turn it around, let me dial.
21:00Okay.
21:04Hurry, Max, hurry.
21:05Believe me, 99, I'm not stalling.
21:08Hello, this is 86 calling Control.
21:11This is 86 calling Control.
21:12Come in Control.
21:13Hello, Chief, this is Max.
21:14Now, get this and get this carefully.
21:1699 and I are in a tub and we're about to be bronzed to death.
21:19What?
21:20Well, isn't this 555-3743?
21:24Oh, sorry.
21:26Wrong number.
21:26Now, I know I dialed the right number.
21:28That really burns me up.
21:31Max, what are you doing?
21:32I'm dialing again, 99.
21:34Oh, Max, there's no time.
21:35There's only one minute left.
21:38Well, I guess this is it, 99.
21:40Oh, no.
21:42Max!
21:42My razor ring.
21:45I forgot it.
21:45Well, we can't go home for it now.
21:47I know.
21:47I forgot I had it.
21:49Here, quick.
21:50Pull that out with your fingernail.
21:52Hurry.
21:53That's a stainless steel blade.
21:55Really?
21:56How many ropes can you cut before you have to change blades?
21:58I don't know.
21:59I just got it.
22:00Max!
22:00Look at the time.
22:02Hurry, 99.
22:03It's almost through.
22:03Come on.
22:05Hey!
22:06Five seconds left.
22:11No.
22:13Max, it's Billy!
22:24Max!
22:26Oh!
22:27Oh!
22:36Oh, Max, I'm terrible.
23:01Terrible for him, not for us.
23:03I wonder what Bronzefinger would have done with us, Max.
23:05Well, he probably would have sold us to some public park.
23:08Just think of it, 99.
23:10There we would have been.
23:10Two bronze statues giving pleasure to thousands.
23:13Thousands of art lovers.
23:14No, thousands of pigeons.
23:21Well, you two have managed to deliver a real setback to Chaos.
23:24I don't think I have to tell you how much this means to us.
23:26Tell us anyway, Chief.
23:27Well, with Bronzefinger and his cohorts out of the way,
23:29that means that Chaos will have to find a new method of getting money for their operations.
23:33Like what, Chief?
23:33I imagine they'll go back to bank robbery, extortion, and kidnapping.
23:37Well, it'll be nice to have things back to normal again.
23:40Oh, Chief, we found these paintings in Bronzefinger's office.
23:42Are they originals or copies?
23:44We don't know.
23:45Well, put them in the wall safe, will you, Max?
23:46We'll have to hold them for the museum authorities.
23:48Right, Chief.
23:49What's 13 doing in there?
24:01The Chief said I'd been out on field trips too long,
24:03so he gave me this nice, soft office job.
24:06Softly small.
24:07Tell me, 13, how did you get in there?
24:09The Chief gave me the combination.
24:10The Chief gave me the combination.
24:40The Chief gave me the combination.
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