To Those Who Paved The Way, We Appreciate Your Sacrifice

If The War On Drugs Were Honest #shorts #parody #juneteenth #comedy #youtubeshorts

Transcript

00:00Now, Paul, why don't you tell the citizens the great evil you did?

00:06My great evil was I grew when I sold marijuana in the 1970s.

00:11It caught me with about 100 plants in my back shed.

00:14100 marijuana plants. That's basically 100 grams of heroin.

00:20At least according to the federal sentencing guidelines

00:23that I keep tucked in here right next to my heart.

00:27What drove you to such evil?

00:30Was it the service of Satan?

00:33No, it was in the service of paying rent when I couldn't provide for my family.

00:38And by your family, do you mean your found family of Satan and all the other criminals?

00:45No, I mean my regular God-fearing family.

00:49My wife, Louise, and my son, Paul Jr.,

00:51who I then didn't see for a decade because I spent that time in federal prison.

00:55Ah, you see, the system works.

00:58You're welcome for the room and board, by the way.

01:01I gotta go. I gotta go to my grandkids' soccer game.

01:06I feel safer. Don't you?

01:09Now, though, I've got my secret weapon for you who criticize how we handle drugs here.

01:14The fact that, for all your whining, we've decriminalized marijuana in many places.

01:22Despite our disgust for these disgusting substances,

01:25we weighed the consequences and the massive untapped store of tax dollars we were missing out on.

01:31And we made a decision we should be lauded for.

01:35So shut up about it.

01:37It's a better world now.

01:39Bet all those generations of mainly low-income and non-white drug offenders are smiling,

01:46looking out from their cell,

01:47knowing that they've paved the way for white well-to-do entrepreneurs to open dispensaries.

01:53We appreciate your sacrifice.

01:54And to us in the anti-drug offensive, a job well done.