I Already Felt An Undeserved Sense Of Accomplishment, And Now It's Even Stronger

If DNA Testing Were Honest. #shorts #dna #23andme #ancestry #parody #ad #youtubeshorts

Transcript

00:00Here's the official report, fresh from the lab.

00:06Wow! I always knew I was white, but it's great to see it on paper.

00:11Isn't it though?

00:1299.9% Irish?

00:15My friends are going to be so excited when I use this to excuse my complicated relationship with alcohol.

00:21An insight that enables you to learn less about yourself delightful.

00:25Oh, and 0.1% Native American?

00:28I'm gonna get a fun necklace.

00:30You could be like Ryan or one of our other happy ancestry customers.

00:36Wow, turns out my red hair is the product of the Norse running sexually roughshod through my ancestors' captured villages.

00:42I guess we really do have more fun.

00:44The Joseph Goebbels? No way. That's why I work in advertising.

00:50No way I'm paying you race-baiting eugenicist-obsessed assholes to tell me where I come from.

00:57Unless there's 40 acres and a mule in that goddamn envelope.

01:01And honestly, this whole thing seems wildly convenient.

01:04How did things go last time we tried to classify everything by race, huh?

01:08How's that going for you, America?

01:10Humankind is such a beautiful tapestry, and colonization our violent loom.

01:16I already felt an undeserved sense of accomplishment, and now it's even stronger.

01:20Hold on, my little knot of telomeres. We're not done yet.

01:24We also have results on your health and possible genetic diseases.

01:30Ooh.

01:31Gimme, gimme, gimme!

01:32Hold on, you gotta pay extra for these.

01:34It's $50 for me to show you, and $100 for me to burn it forever.

01:42That's for the best.

01:45Ooh, you might want to start getting your prostate checked.

01:48Here, I know a guy.

01:51Used to be a rock climber.

01:53Pointer finger like a grappling hook.

01:55Oh, by the way, what do you do with my DNA profile?

01:58Well, just hold on to it.

01:59For what?

02:00Don't worry, it's in our computer. One that's pretty hard to hack.

02:03Pretty hard?

02:05Look, it's for our eyes only, and the partners who help us with our research.

02:09And possibly the FBI.

02:11But don't worry, they're famously trustworthy.