The Good Life - upscaled by couchtripperdocs - Dailymotion

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00:00I'll see you next time.

00:30Right. I've laid the table.

00:50How's the chicken doing?

00:52It stopped clucking.

00:53Oh, good, good.

00:54Oh, that reminds me. Corn. I must make that check out for the feed.

01:00Yes, it might be chicken feed to them, but it's not to us.

01:14How much have we got left in the bank now, Tom?

01:18We're in the black.

01:19Yes, but how much?

01:20Oh, three...

01:22I'm sorry.

01:23Pardon?

01:24Three...

01:25Three what?

01:30Three pounds, twenty-eight, actually.

01:33Bango's the yacht.

01:34Oh, I don't know, no.

01:35Just wait for the interest to accrue.

01:38Right.

01:44That is Margot in the garden.

01:47What do you think she's doing out there?

01:49Walking up and down.

01:51Yes, but why?

01:52I asked her to dinner.

01:53I didn't say anything about sentry duty.

01:54Margot?

01:57Good evening, Tom.

01:58Good evening.

01:59What are you doing?

02:00Good evening, Barbara.

02:01I'm so sorry.

02:03You said eight, which I took to mean eight for 8.30,

02:06which naturally implies that we should arrive at 8.15, doesn't it?

02:10It's still only 8.14.

02:11Oh, what the hell, Margot?

02:16We'll overlook it this time.

02:17Come in.

02:18Oh, thank you.

02:27Excuse me.

02:28Where's Jerry?

02:30Sulking in your front garden.

02:31Oh, why?

02:32I just happened to point out that his watch was fast.

02:36I'll go and get him.

02:38Jerry?

02:54Well, Tom.

02:57Well, Margot.

02:59Yes.

03:02Good.

03:02Will you be changing for dinner?

03:06Oh, yes, of course.

03:07I'll do it now.

03:18That's better.

03:225, 4, 3, 2, 1.

03:25Ah, 8.15.

03:27Evening, Tom.

03:27Hello, Jerry.

03:29Mmm.

03:30Smells good.

03:31Sudden death chicken, that's good.

03:33So you finally plucked up the carriage to kill her, did you?

03:35No, no.

03:35She committed suicide.

03:37Right.

03:38How about a quick snort before dinner?

03:40Margot.

03:40Oh, lovely.

03:41Campari and soda, please.

03:42Gin and tonic for me, I think.

03:44A peapod or elderberry wine?

03:49Well, just the tiniest peapod for me, please.

03:52Ditto.

03:53Let me, er, let me sit down first.

03:55Ah, thank you.

04:07There we are.

04:09Now, here's to a harvest safely gathered and to Jerry and Margot for helping us to gather it.

04:14Hear, hear.

04:14Reply, please, Jerry.

04:24What?

04:25Oh, er, yes.

04:27Oh.

04:29Hearst peapods.

04:31By the way, what happened to that mountain of stuff we picked?

04:33I didn't notice any in the garage when I came past.

04:35Too damp.

04:36Cellar?

04:37Too much effluence down there.

04:38Well, where is it then?

04:39Have you got time to show them before dinner, love?

04:41Oh, yes, why not?

04:42Come on.

04:54Welcome to Shangri-La.

04:58Barbara, this is a spare bedroom.

05:00Well, they're all asleep, aren't they?

05:03How do you feel?

05:04Oh, Margot.

05:06I know it looks a bit odd, but it's the perfect place, you see.

05:08Perfect temperature.

05:09Dry, cool, dark.

05:10Honestly, if we weren't using it, I'd let it out as a warehouse.

05:12What's that for?

05:13Warding off vampires?

05:15As onions, you fool.

05:18The garlic's in here.

05:20Over here.

05:24We have carrots.

05:27Celeriac.

05:28And apples.

05:31Well, I suppose you know what you're doing.

05:35No, no, no, not there.

05:38They're not like us, Margot.

05:40They mustn't touch or they'll go bad.

05:43Now, this is Granny's wardrobe.

05:45Oh, God.

05:47Still, she liked nice cabbage.

05:48You haven't taken to keeping the watercress in the bath, have you?

05:50Now, that's in the bidet.

05:54I'm sorry, Tom and Barbara.

05:55This used to be a lovely, sunny little bedroom.

05:58And you've ruined it.

06:00Well, look at it this way.

06:01We may have lost a bedroom, but we've gained a year's nosh.

06:03Yes, everything on and under the beds is rates.

06:06You'll never get that into one of the council envelopes.

06:10We're selling it first.

06:11Well, just like that.

06:12Of course, easy.

06:13No, Tom.

06:14You may be a giant in the garden, but when it comes to the world of commerce, you're just

06:18a pygmy.

06:19Watch it.

06:19Selling a bed full of fresh bread is the simplest thing in the world.

06:24I thought everybody did it.

06:25No, Margot's right, you know.

06:26Life's a bit more complicated than you seem to think.

06:28You've never had to sell in the big, wicked world.

06:30This isn't Whittacombe Fair, you know.

06:32It's Surbiton.

06:33Complicated.

06:33It's people like you that make it complicated.

06:35Honestly, if you stared at a piece of string long enough, I'd tie it so in knots.

06:37All right.

06:38I'm just warning you.

06:38That's all.

06:39Oh, pestilence, plague.

06:40Doom, doom.

06:42Did I hear a dinner gone?

06:44Not unless a chicken jumped out of the oven and banged one.

06:48No, that's a very good idea.

06:49I'm hungry.

06:50Come along.

06:50Oh, Margot, let's go and pick some flowers for the table.

06:53You didn't grow any flowers.

06:54Then you're gone.

06:58Seriously.

06:59It's not as simple as all that, you know.

07:00I mean, just because you're a seller doesn't mean to say you automatically find a buyer.

07:04I've already got one.

07:05Good Lord.

07:05Yeah.

07:06That restaurant on the corner by the War Memorial, the one with the stupid name.

07:09Oh, the Runcible Spoon.

07:11Yeah, that's it.

07:11I've seen the manager tomorrow.

07:12I ate there once.

07:13I wouldn't go back.

07:14And why?

07:15Chemical veg that tastes like cooked blankets.

07:17No, the food was all right.

07:18They served the Burgundy in hot glasses.

07:22Disgusting devils.

07:29Very nice, Chef.

07:30But before the menus go to table, do take a peek at the dictionary to see if potage is

07:34spelt with one tea or two.

07:37And, Chef, do ask Mrs. Rosen to stop being silly with that new Spanish boy.

07:41Shut up.

08:04Shut up.

08:04Yes?

08:17Morning.

08:18Mr. Runcible or Mrs. Spoon?

08:20No.

08:22That's the name of the restaurant.

08:24I'm Michelangelo Lombardi.

08:27Are you all right?

08:28Sorry, sorry, I've got a bit of a cold.

08:31I'm Tom Goode.

08:33Oh, yes.

08:34We spoke on the telephone.

08:36You're the fruit and veg merch.

08:37Sort of.

08:44Well, come along.

08:45I'm a busy man.

08:46Oh, right.

08:47Well, straight to the point, then.

08:48Samples.

08:50Smell that.

08:50Yes?

08:55Look at that.

08:56Perfect.

08:57What's that?

09:03Nothing.

09:04Oh.

09:05Right.

09:11How about that for a carrot?

09:14Parsnip?

09:15I do know what these things are called.

09:18Yeah, sorry.

09:19And, uh, one of those.

09:22Well?

09:24Why did you go like that?

09:27With the carrot?

09:28Oh.

09:30Well, you're a cigar man.

09:31Yes, I know, but you only do that with cigars.

09:33You don't do it with carrots.

09:35I know.

09:37It was a joke.

09:38Oh, a joke.

09:40I see.

09:43Well, if the rest of the stuff is up to this standard,

09:47it's certainly quality veg.

09:49And if, as you said on the telephone,

09:51you're prepared to undercut my current supplier...

09:53As a boy scout.

09:54Pardon?

09:55I'm prepared.

09:57But why did you say boy scout?

09:59I don't know, really.

10:02Just let's say I'm prepared to undercut slightly

10:04your current supplier.

10:06Then I think we can do business.

10:07Why are you laughing?

10:19Sorry, no, I was just thinking of something

10:20of a pessimistic friend of mine, sir.

10:22Is he funny, then?

10:23I've met funnier.

10:24Oh.

10:25Look, I've had a bit of a tot up here,

10:27and vis-a-vis the quality okay,

10:28vis-a-vis the quantity we discussed,

10:30I total it up to be 90.

10:3190 quid.

10:32Yes, yes, I'm your man for 90.

10:33Right, 12.90s.

10:35Uh, sorry, uh, why 12?

10:3612 months in a year.

10:38No.

10:38There are.

10:39No, no, no, no, no.

10:40This quantity we're talking about

10:42is all I've got.

10:43It's my surplus.

10:44One sale.

10:45Oh?

10:46And what am I supposed to do next month?

10:48Oh, go back to your original supplier.

10:50I see.

10:51And get all the rubbish

10:52because he doesn't like being mucked about.

10:54No, it's not on.

10:54You supply me regularly or not at all?

11:00You obviously didn't think enough

11:01about the marketing side of it, did you?

11:04Fool.

11:04No need to be abusive.

11:05No, me, me.

11:07I'm so sure it would all be so simple.

11:10Look, I hate to see a little man humiliated.

11:12Uh, you wouldn't settle

11:14for a medium-sized man embarrassed, would you?

11:17Who is he then?

11:18Uh, never mind.

11:18You were saying?

11:21For you, I'll make an exception.

11:23I'll take your stuff.

11:24Mr Lombardi, you're a prince.

11:26Well, there's no reason why business

11:28can't be tempered with a little humanity, 70 quid.

11:30Yeah.

11:31Just a minute, you said 90.

11:33Ah, then, it's a buyer's market now.

11:37Perhaps Margot was right.

11:38Perhaps I'm a pygmy.

11:39No, not with your features.

11:41No, no.

11:42Oh, well, never mind.

11:43I can't afford to sell at that price.

11:44I'll just have to try somewhere else.

11:45Well, it's up to you,

11:46but I think you'll find life

11:47a little more complicated than you think.

11:48It isn't.

11:49Not to me.

11:49It's other people who complicate it.

11:51But you have to deal with other people.

11:53Well, just because I'm outnumbered

11:54doesn't make me wrong, does it?

11:57Hey, I can smirk it later.

11:58Yeah.

11:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

12:28Ha!

12:54You haven't got a big jar you can put me in. I need pickling in brian.

12:58Why so ratty? Are you teething again?

13:01You just married an idiot, that's all. A pygmy!

13:04Well, everybody knows that. What else is wrong?

13:08I can't sell our surplus.

13:11You...

13:14But... But you said... You said that the man at the restaurant...

13:18Don't listen to me. I'm not going to in the future.

13:21What went wrong? Me. Bulk. That's all they're interested in.

13:24But we've got bulk. No, bulk, bulk. That's what they mean.

13:27Everywhere I went was the same.

13:29Certainly, Mr. Good, 30 tons of King Edwards a day, you've got a deal.

13:32You'll be able to get the juggernaut round the back, will you?

13:34I suppose a trolley on four old pram wheels doesn't really fit the bill, does it?

13:38Nor does our veg. We grew the wrong stuff. You know that, don't you?

13:41Completely wrong, this bloke told me. What does he know?

13:43Quite the lot. He's a greengrocer.

13:45He said if you want to cash in on the size of surplus that we produce,

13:48you don't grow peasant foods. King Edwards aren't peasants?

13:50Well, you know what I mean. They buy small amounts of your aristocracy.

13:53Royal sovereigns, for instance. Who?

13:55Strawberries, raspberries, all your pound of punnet stuff. Asparagus, that's a thing.

13:58Oh, I see what he means.

14:00I've seen Margot trample old ladies underfoot to get the first asparagus of the season.

14:03She's not the only one round here, is she?

14:05Remember the great artichoke riot of 74?

14:07Vividly.

14:08No, let's face it. Let's face the fact you chose the wrong crops this year.

14:10I did.

14:11But I forgive you. I forgive you.

14:13Next year there'll be specialty crops. We'll be quids in.

14:16Hmm.

14:17You couldn't make next year start tomorrow, could you?

14:20Why?

14:22Final demand for the rates.

14:25Dear sir, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat.

14:29Your obedient servant, hypocrites.

14:35Tricky, isn't it?

14:37Yes.

14:38Especially since we've only got £3.28 in the bank.

14:42Quite.

14:43If I sell my body to science, do you think they'd give me the money now?

14:4650p is not a lot of good.

14:49No, Tom, it all comes back down to that surplus.

14:53There must be some way of selling it.

14:55Honestly, love, I tried everywhere. As a wholesaler, I just haven't got enough of the stuff.

15:04Of course.

15:08Give me your spice to grease here.

15:10Pardon?

15:12Give me your spice to grease here.

15:18I thought that's what you said. What do you mean?

15:21Get your spuds and greens. Here, we cut out the middleman and sell direct to the public.

15:28Yes!

15:30Have an OBE.

15:32Have a kiss.

15:34Have a tomato.

15:42Good afternoon.

15:43Good afternoon.

15:45Nice hard heart.

15:48I expect those are crunchy too.

15:49Mmm.

15:50Full of flavour.

15:51Have you got any paint?

15:52Paint?

15:53You know, for painting things.

15:54No.

15:55Oh, all right, I think I'll leave it then.

15:56Oh, all right, I think I'll leave it then.

15:57Oh, all right, I think I'll leave it then.

15:59Oh, all right.

16:00Oh, all right, I think I'll leave it then.

16:03Hello, Margot.

16:04Hello, Jerry.

16:05Hello, Margot.

16:06Hello, Jerry.

16:07Oh!

16:08Oh!

16:09Oh!

16:10Oh!

16:11Oh!

16:12Oh!

16:13Oh!

16:14Oh, all right, I think I'll leave it then.

16:15Hello, Margot.

16:16Hello, Jerry.

16:17Oh!

16:18Oh!

16:19Oh!

16:20Oh!

16:21Oh!

16:22Oh!

16:23Oh!

16:24Oh!

16:25Oh!

16:26Oh!

16:27Oh!

16:28Oh!

16:29Oh!

16:30Oh!

16:31Oh!

16:32Oh!

16:33Oh!

16:34Oh!

16:35Oh!

16:36Oh!

16:37What are you doing?

16:38I'm trying to sell my veggies.

16:40But you're sitting where you can be seen.

16:42There's not a point of hiding in the shed, is there?

16:45Jerry, tell her.

16:46Tell her this is the avenue.

16:47Oh, she knows that.

16:48She lives here.

16:53Please, laugh.

16:54Go on, laugh.

16:55I hope you're still laughing when the value of property in this district plummets to an all-time low.

16:59Why should it?

17:00This is a residential area, Barbara, not a tradesman's ghetto.

17:04Oh, don't be such a snob.

17:06Don't you know what I mean?

17:08Anyway, I'm not a tradesman.

17:09I don't qualify as a tradesman.

17:11I've been sitting here all morning and I've only sold two pounds of carrots.

17:14Well, Tom had that restaurant manager practically grovelling on his knees to buy your stuff.

17:18Really?

17:19Who gave you that impression?

17:21Tom.

17:22Oh.

17:23You see, what I need is a bigger sign.

17:26That's the trouble.

17:27Gaudy neon one, presumably.

17:30Oh, don't be dumb.

17:31No, what I need is a bigger sign.

17:33Something to get me noticed.

17:34I'll tell you something.

17:35If the police notice you, you might have some trouble.

17:37Trouble?

17:38What do you mean trouble?

17:39You could be fined.

17:40Quite a lot.

17:41Trading without a license.

17:42Do you know, I really ought to talk to Tom about this.

17:50Where is he?

17:51Tom?

17:52Oh, he's out.

17:53Trading without a license.

17:56Giddy questions.

17:57Giddy spots of greens here.

17:58Giddy spots of greens here.

18:03Giddy spots of greens here.

18:11Please?

18:25all right come on that's enough are you talking to me yes i am clear off and just who might you

18:39be i'm ronnie boxall that's who i am not the band leader look don't try to find it with me

18:46i'm a fruiterer and greengrocer that's my van and this is one of my roads you've done very well for

18:52yourself haven't you i don't own the road i didn't say i owned the road what i'm saying is i've worked

18:58myself off on every road around here i believe that you're doing it again look what are you on

19:01about private enterprise it's taken me 10 years to work up this round and i'm not having anyone

19:06pushing me out of it that's not private enterprise that's the mafia look i'll have you know my father

19:13lost a leg at gallipoli would you leave me alone and go and help him look for it you've got competition

19:20so you better get used to the idea all right you better get out of here i'm warning you and who's

19:29going to make me eugene oh my god

19:42hello love well i've had no luck at all i'm afraid i've only served two pounds of carrots

20:08all damn then i found i was breaking the law anyway you've been running no well any luck no

20:22police no no no i just realized that selling stuff on the streets like that is unfair to us no no to

20:30good honest street traders like good old ronnie boxall after all he's taken 10 years to build up

20:35that round of it it's unfair for somebody like me just to walk in and take his trade away this is not

20:40the egomaniac that i love speaking oh yeah live and let live barbara oh rubbish what's the real reason

20:47he had this giant friend with huge boots and a boat through his neck

20:56never mind killer well i do mind that's the trouble all we're trying to do is live our own way and all

21:02we get is obstacles if it's not the law and red tape it's those restaurateurs trying to fleece us

21:07oh it's great big giants with boats through their necks i don't know how i'm going to pay these rates

21:15no neither do i i i'm sorry love oh it's not your fault no it's me if i planted the right crops

21:23a repursed place we wouldn't be in this mess i'm stupid oh come on tom we planned it together

21:28i thought we got it right that makes me stupid hello peasants oh somebody died we were just

21:40thinking about something that's all a glass of wine no you two are in a scrape aren't you my god

21:50he's found out about the transmitter in the attic give us 24 hours jerry before you phone mi6 barbara

21:54get us on the big flight the first flight to moscow in the morning again can't you be serious about

21:57anything what are you going to do about your rates pay them as soon as we sell the surplus

22:01veg but nobody wants it there is that how long have you got oh months how long six days oh lord

22:10look how much is that surplus worth about 90 quid right

22:17hi look i know charity begins at home jerry but you live next door this isn't charity it's a perfectly

22:22common-sense solution margot and i aren't carnivores we do eat vegetables but we're talking about a

22:27hundred weight of cabbages not the odd petit choux i mean we've got spuds in dirty great sacks not

22:32jersey specials in little polythene bags and you both hate carrots we know that for a fact oh come

22:37on j it's very sweet of you really it is but it's not quite your style now is it right the only thing

22:41you ever buy in bulk is gin you're trying to tell me something yes we haven't got any gin we've only got

22:45veg because we do have the peapod burgundy but we're hanging on to that because we think we've

22:49found a cure for scrofula what are you going to do only one thing to do sell the veg who to each

22:56other no no the restaurant we'll just have to take less than we hoped for oh yes of course that's the

23:02idea spend it take a loss more painful for you that way more enjoyable isn't it you must tell me

23:08sometimes where you get your hair shirts jerry yeah we're still in your gang in the playground aren't

23:14we fools oh tom we're not going to have to sell it a lot are we we've got no choice love mr runcible

23:25spoon will give us 70 for it but the rates are 81 20. yes doesn't that suggest something rather

23:32obvious to you no we haven't got enough now listen very carefully to me mr um mr squires i have itemized

23:46the components of my rates bill scrupulously as every citizen should mrs ledbetter i am not a citizen

23:52i am a resident road cleaning i shall pay street lighting i shall pay ground rent i shall pay but

24:03when it comes to the drain in front of my house i shall not because it is blocked up and overflowing

24:08oh well i'll make a note of that you will do more than that mr squires you will have a plumber on my

24:13doorstep at nine o'clock tomorrow morning with a plunger in his hand or you will not get a penny

24:18now just who do you think you are mrs ledbetter i am the silent majority

24:25right well uh i'll certainly get onto drains and try to get them to come this week nine o'clock

24:30tomorrow morning mrs ledbetter you're hardly in a position to make demands when i'm already

24:34holding your check in my hand that check is post-dated and can be cancelled in a trice

24:39nine thirty nine it will mrs ledbetter i'll get your receipt that's better hello margot having fun

24:50barbara i consider it my duty to remind these would-be commissars that i am an english woman

24:56and a householder not a mere number morning tom morning 38

25:00thank you mr squires tom barbara

25:13yes sir i was trying to pay the rates oh red demand nearly had the bailiff in eh

25:18you have stamped urgent on my hand well get on with it then

25:32cash or check both the cheque from my account three pounds 20 pence 28 pence

25:37checking from michelangelo and bardi for 70 pounds the rest is in coin of the realm

25:4181 pounds to advance it's been a struggle hasn't it barbara no once we found the money down the

25:53back of the chair and changed the 500 per se to note it was a breeze that and the telephone money

25:58but you haven't got a telephone anymore no we left all our tuppenses in this little box

26:03well i don't know how you can be so brave without a penny in the bag we can go on better than that

26:07we haven't got a penny anywhere at all oh come on tom you must have a little bit tucked away

26:10somewhere no it's not possible to have no money at all no it is because we haven't well what happens

26:17when the next bill turns out oh well we have something else to sell by then half a pig goat's

26:21horn aphrodisiac not in the rates office please tom what about all the little incidental soap for

26:30instance how do you buy soap mr oakchart's the chemist six eggs a bar excuse me mr good yes

26:36even though you stamped urgent on my hand i have not strayed from the path of duty

26:40i have to inform you that you have given me too much money here smashing how much one penny

26:47thanks heyo margot we're solvent again barbara

26:53tell me how you propose to keep yourself in um for a penny a gallon of goat's milk equals two pairs of

27:01knickers margo get on with your work no no no no no no no do you disagree with something margot

27:16it can't work tom it can't excuse me a minute you simply cannot exist without man you can you can't

27:23thank you thank you uh uh yes all right um add the button please um thank you well i feel better now

27:46really better that has proved my point i haven't got a penny left in the world literally but i still

27:50exist don't exist don't i for a moment there will come a time when you'll need money again there will

27:56not

28:10do

28:18do

Good Life, The - 201 - Just My Bill [couchtripper][U]

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The Good Life - upscaled

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