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00:02 Recovery seems like a big word, especially for mental health
00:07 warriors like me.
00:10 But I like to think of it as us spiraling
00:13 through a deep, dark tunnel before emerging
00:15 as something beautiful.
00:18 When I was a child, I was high strung, jittery, and jumpy.
00:24 It was hard for me to cope with new situations.
00:27 And I would cry hysterically every time
00:30 I faced anything unfamiliar.
00:32 The first big thing happened to me when I was five.
00:36 I was told that my younger brother had severe autism
00:39 spectrum disorder.
00:42 At that time, I didn't know what that meant,
00:45 and no one could explain it to me.
00:47 All I remember was feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness
00:51 and doom over our family.
00:54 Growing up, my parents prioritized my brother's needs
00:58 over mine.
00:59 Naturally, I became my brother's caregiver.
01:03 I had to be an adult.
01:05 I remember writing countless diary entries
01:08 and lamenting how my brother was my mother's number one
01:12 sweetheart.
01:14 I wished that she would love me in the same way, too.
01:17 Mistakes were unforgivable to me because I did not want
01:20 to add to my family's burden.
01:23 I became my worst critic.
01:25 Whenever I made a mistake, I would berate myself.
01:29 It came to a point when I would even physically hurt myself.
01:33 I could not eat or sleep properly,
01:35 which led to gastric issues and insomnia.
01:38 I was sick all the time and couldn't
01:40 attend school, which was why I fell behind in my studies.
01:45 It got so bad that I would throw up before each paper
01:48 and would take five minutes to read one line during my exam.
01:53 I didn't finish any of my papers for O-levels.
01:57 But against all odds, I managed to enter JC, albeit
02:01 with a chip on my shoulder.
02:04 During one of the exams in JC, I had a panic attack again.
02:09 I left the exam hall and called my dad.
02:11 I spoke to him for a long time before I could finally
02:14 pull myself together.
02:16 It was then that I decided I had to do something.
02:19 I sought help from the school counselor.
02:23 My father, friends, and teachers regularly checked in with me.
02:28 Slowly but surely, I gained better control of my emotions
02:31 with healthy lifestyle habits and a good support system.
02:35 I surrounded myself with positive people
02:38 who helped steer me away from negative and dysfunctional
02:41 thoughts.
02:42 I was one of the top students in my school for A-levels,
02:45 and I got into my dream course, psychology at NUS.
02:49 Being a young adult in uni, I knew that it was a different
02:53 ballgame here.
02:54 I had to be my own advocate, my own cheerleader.
02:57 I learned how to celebrate even for small milestones.
03:01 I earned a scholarship, placed on the honor roll,
03:04 and achieved an honors degree with distinction
03:07 upon graduation.
03:09 I thought to myself, I've made it.
03:12 But in fact, that was just the start of my recovery journey.
03:17 I had to pursue something more.
03:20 I wanted to be a cheerleader for others, not just for myself.
03:26 I started to use my lived experiences
03:28 to support and empower other youths who are struggling.
03:32 I've been peer leader for Circus of Resilience since 2020.
03:37 I met many young people like me who
03:40 have been through painful experiences, too,
03:42 by offering a listening ear to those in need and helping them,
03:46 I've not only found fulfillment in life,
03:49 but I'm also reminded that we are not alone.
03:51 I believe that mental health warriors are not
03:54 broken spirits.
03:55 We have emerged stronger from our past selves.
03:58 And just like how butterflies can't see their wings,
04:02 the rest of the world can.
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