00:00By gaining clarity on my past experiences, I've slowly detangled deep-rooted knots in
00:05my life.
00:06I'm starting to recognize myself, and I'm rebuilding my self-worth.
00:11It all started 11 years ago when I met my ex-boyfriend through work.
00:16I instantly fell head over heels for him.
00:19He said that he only had me in his life.
00:22He became my center of attention.
00:25So I prioritized his needs over mine.
00:28On some days, I would even skip school just to accompany him to his school.
00:33I only cared about his feelings, not mine.
00:36Because of that, I felt like I lost myself.
00:39I could not remember when or how, but after a while, he became hot and cold about everything.
00:45On some days, I would get scolded for not bringing tissue out, while on other days,
00:50he would cook breakfast for me.
00:52It was unpredictable and nerve-wracking.
00:54I was walking on eggshells, and I could not make sense of what was going on.
00:58I was anxious, and avoided using words that could potentially trigger him, fearful of
01:03how he might react.
01:05I had to look out for his body language.
01:07I had to read the tone of his text messages.
01:10It was truly suffocating.
01:12No matter how careful I was, I would still end up triggering him.
01:16I questioned myself, where did I go wrong?
01:19I was going delirious, and I thought that I was imagining things.
01:23Sometimes, he would vent his anger on me.
01:25I was left petrified and helpless, but I consoled myself, saying, you know, it was good once.
01:32Slowly, he started spending more time with his friends, and I didn't feel important
01:37to him anymore.
01:38He suddenly told me that I was too clingy, I was too much for him.
01:43I felt used, thrown aside, like trash.
01:46An array of emotions ran through my mind, frustrated, resentful, and hurt.
01:51I knew I could not take the torture anymore.
01:53We broke up, and I fell into a deep abyss.
01:57I hated myself for not leaving earlier, when there were so many things about the relationship
02:02that were not right for me.
02:04Alcohol became my numbing tool, where I frequently drowned my feelings of abandonment.
02:08I wanted to escape the reality that I was no longer with him.
02:12I withdrew from the world because I did not want to be seen as weak in front of others.
02:17Years later, it still hurt because I did not speak to anyone about it.
02:21I constantly questioned the purpose of living, feeling as though I was navigating through
02:25a dense forest of uncertainty.
02:28I knew there was something in me that I had to address.
02:31I took the first step by attending a personality modality workshop.
02:34And there, I found the missing piece of the puzzle.
02:37I learned that the narrative in our heads shapes our actions.
02:42Through these workshop experiences, I dug deeper within, and realized that I did not
02:47truly love him.
02:49Rather, it was our complicated past that allowed us to bond over shared pain.
02:54And the devastation I felt after breaking up was because I did not have anyone to carry
02:58the pain with me anymore.
03:00This revelation felt like a beacon of light, piercing through the darkness, guiding me
03:04out of the shadows.
03:07The dark skies of my life cleared up.
03:09Subsequently, I joined peer support groups, where I developed further self-awareness that
03:13helped me regulate my emotions.
03:16They provided support and created a safe environment by respecting our boundaries and
03:20giving us autonomy.
03:22As a Circles of Resilience member, I am now on a journey to rediscover myself and cultivate
03:27my self-worth.
03:46www.circlesofresilience.com
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