00:00Life, inevitably, has its highs and lows.
00:04Yet it is in these moments that compassion becomes essential.
00:09Not only towards those around us, but also towards ourselves.
00:14I was no stranger to chaos and turbulence growing up.
00:18My parents got divorced when I was a child,
00:20and I was left in the care of my grandparents.
00:23I felt like I had to be an adult in a house of grown-ups,
00:27where screams and quarrels were the norm at home.
00:30There were constant reminders of how worthless I was,
00:33echoed in every corner of our home.
00:36My family often lashed out at me.
00:39I tried my best to talk them out of the emotional spirals
00:42and immediate disputes between parties.
00:45I didn't know any better way to get around this.
00:49I thought I could bite the bullet and talk them through this,
00:52and everything would be alright.
00:54I often had to deal with episodes of suicide threats by my family members.
00:59Night after night, I stayed awake,
01:02dreading someone would do something rash.
01:05I kept everybody's secrets.
01:07I felt like I had to protect their fragile hearts.
01:10By the time I reached school age,
01:12I was already so used to hiding my pain.
01:15I would sneak away to secluded corners,
01:17letting my tears flow freely when no one could see.
01:21I remember breaking down in the middle of a workshop,
01:24feeling like my chest was caving in.
01:27My teacher referred me to the school counsellor,
01:29whom I only saw once.
01:32I didn't want to be a burden and bring shame to my family.
01:36All of this didn't stay hidden for long.
01:39By the time I hit my teens, it consumed me entirely.
01:43I didn't see a future for myself.
01:46I left for university in the UK.
01:50While university could have been a fresh start for me,
01:52a chance to escape home,
01:54the pain followed me like a relentless shadow.
01:57I drowned my sorrows in alcohol,
02:00hoping to numb the ache that lingered.
02:03The relief was always fleeting,
02:05leaving behind a bitter aftertaste of regret.
02:09Soon after, I lost interest in doing anything,
02:12even eating.
02:14Agony consumed me entirely,
02:16and I woke up staring into the abyss every day.
02:19I told my partner then,
02:21please end it all for me.
02:23But at the back of my mind,
02:25I felt like I didn't even deserve that.
02:27He was patient, and he didn't give up on me.
02:30He pushed me to seek help.
02:35On my first visit to the therapist,
02:37she told me that it was possible for me
02:39not to feel this way anymore.
02:41Tears streamed down uncontrollably.
02:44I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
02:47Therapy became a beacon of hope in the darkness.
02:51I learned to confront the demons of my past,
02:54to unravel the tangled web of trauma
02:56that I was trapped in for so long.
02:59And after some time, I made good progress.
03:02I opened up to my mum and mended our relationship.
03:06But it's still a long road ahead.
03:08As I look back on my journey,
03:10I've learned to have compassion and love for myself,
03:13to have conversations with others
03:15with similar experiences and struggles.
03:18However, I've learned to reclaim my narrative,
03:21to rewrite the story of my life on my own terms.
03:24I am now a Circles of Resilience member,
03:27and I help people find that glimmer of light within darkness.
03:43www.circlesofresilience.org
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