- 10 minutes ago
Meet Abbey, a 39-year-old psychologist who is shockingly normal, attractive, and somehow still a virgin. With her 40th birthday looming in May, we’ve decided to make it our top priority to help her finally seal the deal.
Abby has a few basic parameters: weed and bubbly are completely fine, but cigarette smokers get an immediate swipe left. In this live radio social experiment, we subject Abbey to the horrors of local men calling in for a chance with her.
Watch as Abby navigates through recently divorced guys who give too many driving directions, dudes flexing their fractional ownership of injured racehorses, a wildly inappropriate 27-year-old, and a restaurant owner pitching a romantic getaway to his creepy secluded mountain cabin.
Will she find a genuine connection, or at least someone who won't murder her in the woods?
Abby has a few basic parameters: weed and bubbly are completely fine, but cigarette smokers get an immediate swipe left. In this live radio social experiment, we subject Abbey to the horrors of local men calling in for a chance with her.
Watch as Abby navigates through recently divorced guys who give too many driving directions, dudes flexing their fractional ownership of injured racehorses, a wildly inappropriate 27-year-old, and a restaurant owner pitching a romantic getaway to his creepy secluded mountain cabin.
Will she find a genuine connection, or at least someone who won't murder her in the woods?
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FunTranscript
00:00We got ourselves a virgin who listens, actually a few virgins who listen to the show, and our show has
00:04actually helped create less virgins on the planet, and even more, believe it or not, because when we met this
00:10woman, she told us her name was Sarah, but then she has now since felt comfortable with us, and she's
00:14given us her real name, which is Abby.
00:16She listens to the show, she is 39, she's turning 40 in May, and...
00:22She's a psychologist.
00:23She's got a job and everything, too.
00:25And, by the way, we saw pictures of her, and she is not unattractive at all.
00:31No, totally doable.
00:32So, like, I don't understand, you know, it's obvious to go, oh, she must be some giant, disgusting mess, like
00:38Allie or something, you know.
00:40We all got laid.
00:40She can definitely get laid.
00:42She's better looking than any of us by a thousand miles.
00:45Alcohol and marijuana friendly, she says, but cigarettes are a deal breaker, meaning you must be a smoker.
00:50Hey, Abby?
00:52Yeah.
00:53Thanks for letting us follow through with this.
00:54I wasn't sure when we first chatted if you were serious about this or not.
00:58Have you put any more thought into this whole idea of you losing your virginity sometime between now and May?
01:04I mean, definitely the goal, but I do have some parameters around it.
01:08Yeah.
01:08I'm not just going to, you know...
01:10It's not just anyone with a pulse.
01:12If I were to tell you that we've received hundreds, if not thousands, of DMs...
01:16Don't lie messages.
01:17...text messages, and it's like everyone wanted to get to know you, and it's funny because I just don't know
01:22if that's how hard dating is these days,
01:24or if it's because you're a virgin and people think that would be some sort of a conquest.
01:27I'm not really sure what the reason is.
01:29I mean, I think I know, but...
01:31Yeah, but there are some guys who don't want to deal with that, right?
01:33Well, I think it would be tough maybe if she was younger because it would be the kind of thing
01:38where, you know,
01:38whoever remembers there first, I guess you would...
01:40You will too, probably, but I think there's a lot of pressure, maybe more pressure, because people would want to
01:46give you a good experience.
01:48Right, yeah.
01:49I mean, I want it to be the special time like everyone wants it to be.
01:55So, yeah, I want to make sure that the guy is respectful still.
01:58Would you be opposed to going to a prom?
02:02That's what happens for a lot of people, and May is the month of the prom season,
02:05and, you know, you could have that kind of stereotypical prom losing your virginity story.
02:10You know, yes, you would be the age of most of the teachers there, but it would be funny nonetheless
02:14if...
02:15And then nine months later, you could have a toilet baby.
02:16Yeah, you could have one of them toilet babies.
02:18Oh, my God, I didn't even know.
02:19Yeah, as long as my date is, you know, not in high school.
02:22Right, yeah.
02:23Yeah, well, yeah.
02:24Senior, at least.
02:26So, you have certain things you're looking for, and then we're going to meet some of these guys.
02:29A lot of people on the phone that would like to meet you, and, you know, we'll see if there's
02:32any sparks that fly today.
02:33But let's go over some of these things.
02:35So, smoker is a deal-breaker.
02:38There's certain things right out of the gate, just deal-breaker, and that's one of them.
02:41Someone's a smoker, you're just not interested.
02:44Yeah, it's just, yep, not a good habit that I am wanting around me.
02:49What about the alternatives, like a vapor or a Zinner?
02:53I mean, I think if you were wanting to do stuff, just do marijuana.
02:58Right, you're okay with them smoking weed, right?
03:00Not just gummies and stuff.
03:01So, it's not the smoke that bothers you.
03:02Absolutely.
03:03It's the tobacco, right?
03:03So, you're okay with that.
03:04And you do like to drink.
03:05What's your drink of choice when you go out?
03:08I'm pretty open.
03:09It depends on the vibe.
03:11If, you know, it's Taco Tuesday, a good margarita.
03:13Or if it's happy hour, maybe a beer, a glass of wine.
03:16But then you can class it up.
03:17I see you here with some champagne in one of your profile pics.
03:20Oh, yes.
03:21I do love some bubbly.
03:23I think you told us the last time we asked you who you resembled celebrity style.
03:26You said Lady Gaga.
03:28But I'm looking at your pictures.
03:29You're far more attractive than Lady Gaga.
03:31Oh, well, thank you.
03:33It was my brother-in-law who's cued in any way.
03:35It was my brother-in-law who's cued in any way to you.
03:35When I got the bang.
03:36Yeah.
03:37I mean, yeah, you do have some of those big-ass bangs that, you know, they cover a lot.
03:41But I understand some people are into that sort of thing.
03:43So, all right.
03:44Well, listen.
03:44Abby is on with us right now.
03:46And we did promise that we would not hog you all to ourselves.
03:48The reality is we're not putting any pressure on you.
03:50You would like to, if you find the right person, no longer be a virgin by the age of 40.
03:57Yes.
03:58And do you have a preference, like if somebody called in and they were also a virgin, would
04:04you be okay with having sex with another virgin?
04:08Yeah.
04:09I think it's more the chemistry between us than our past.
04:12I forget how it works on Tinder.
04:15Is it left is bad and right is good?
04:17You swipe and you bang.
04:17That's the process.
04:18I don't know, but which way is the bad way?
04:19Because she's got to say left or right when we talk to these people.
04:23Right is the good way.
04:24Right is the good way.
04:25Okay.
04:25So, I'm going to introduce you to some people now.
04:27They're going to have some time.
04:29And you can talk as long as you want to talk.
04:31But when you're ready, you can just say left or right.
04:33And if you say right, we'll just keep them on hold so you can maybe talk to them again.
04:36And if you say left, we'll just hang up on them immediately.
04:38Okay?
04:40Okay, great.
04:40And don't feel bad about it.
04:41That's just the way things go.
04:42So, if you'd like to participate in this live sexual experiment on KROQ, 800-520-1067 to call and be
04:49a part of live radio Tinder.
04:51And I know a lot of people are texting in saying, I'm at my job now.
04:54Can you do this at a different hour?
04:55No, we cannot.
04:56Now is when we're doing it.
04:57You got to take the opportunity.
04:58Right now is the window.
04:59Take the window.
04:59She's been waiting 39 years, sitting around waiting.
05:02She's not going to keep waiting for you.
05:03Came close a few times.
05:05Abby, you did tell us that last time.
05:07You're not a mouth virgin.
05:08I believe that was the thing you said, right?
05:11That's true.
05:11And you have come close, but you decided for different reasons at different times, just not going to do it,
05:18even though you were close.
05:20Yeah.
05:21I mean, I think, you know, in the past, it just hadn't felt right with whoever it was.
05:26And I still thought I had time.
05:28And now, just like that, life goes quick.
05:30All right.
05:31Let's say hi to the first person now.
05:33This is very exciting.
05:34Let's say hi to Ray.
05:35And once again, you just, whenever you're ready, don't feel bad.
05:38You can ask them questions, but you can also just yell left, right, and we will do the appropriate thing.
05:43Okay.
05:43Hi, Ray.
05:44You're on with a 39-year-old virgin.
05:46Hi.
05:47What's going on?
05:47I'm Ray.
05:49Hi, Ray.
05:50How are you?
05:51I'm doing good.
05:52How are you doing, Abby?
05:53Great.
05:54It's Abby, right?
05:54Where are you from?
05:56I am from Diamond Bar.
05:58I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, but I moved out to Diamond Bar.
06:03Okay.
06:04So is that in California?
06:05I usually think that everyone, yeah, it's in California.
06:10I am here in the Orange.
06:11I guess it would be considered Orange County.
06:13It's like the trifecta, because if I go one way, I'm in the Inland Empire.
06:16If I go the other way, I'm in Orange County.
06:17And if I go the other way, I'm in L.A. County.
06:19So I'm like right in there.
06:20Okay.
06:21Wow.
06:21Cool.
06:22Ray, you're getting into the directions here.
06:26Ray, what attracted you?
06:28What is this, the Thompson guy?
06:28Ray Thompson, the Thompson guy?
06:30I went to X-ray on the directions when you go on the state.
06:33What interested you about Abby?
06:37Honestly, I've been divorced for about a few months now.
06:40I've been separated for over a year, and online dating is horrible.
06:44I don't really go out much.
06:45It's just me and my dog at home, so...
06:48Do you, sir?
06:49Vanessa.
06:50Sorry, Ray.
06:50I'm going to left you.
06:52Sorry.
06:53Okay.
06:55It just seems like he's just recently out of a relationship.
06:59Is that what it was?
06:59Only divorced a few months.
07:01It wasn't all the direction talk at the beginning?
07:05I'm glad you didn't have to sit in person for that.
07:08Oh, man.
07:09Anyway, if you go left, but then if you go right, it's like...
07:12If you go left.
07:13Wow, yeah.
07:14You can get a glimpse into my date life.
07:17This is what happened.
07:18Yeah.
07:18All right.
07:19Well, listen, better now than having to put on makeup and going out for this, right?
07:23Absolutely.
07:23That's why we think we're on to something here.
07:25All right.
07:25Let's say hi to Brian now.
07:27Brian, a lot of people are interested in Abby.
07:29She is a 39-year-old version.
07:31Yeah, and 626 wanted to know, Abby, is there an age limit?
07:36Is there an age range that's okay or not okay?
07:41I mean, I would say, you know, 10 years on either side is pretty big of an opening.
07:48Maybe less than that, but yeah, I'm pretty open.
07:52Juan Carlos.
07:54We'll go to Brian next.
07:55Juan Carlos.
07:5610 seconds, whatever you want to say to Abby before she left you.
07:59Go ahead.
08:02Hey, what's up?
08:03I just want to say, choose me.
08:05I want to take your virginity right now.
08:08Okay.
08:09Getting right to the point.
08:10That's right.
08:10Yeah, that sounds promising.
08:14Yeah, so hit me up.
08:15I'm available.
08:16I know you're available, so let's make this happen right now.
08:21He seems very desperate.
08:22Is there anything about you that you want to pitch other than that you just want to bang?
08:28No, I'm a hardworking guy, but I love to bang, too, so it's like we got to get both of
08:35them going, you know?
08:35But it's going to be a fun time.
08:37It's going to be a good time.
08:38Let's make it happen.
08:39Stop playing.
08:40Stop playing.
08:43Left.
08:44Abby.
08:45All right.
08:46He's gone.
08:47I'm surprised it took you that long to say left right there.
08:51Well, he did tell her to stop playing.
08:53Yeah.
08:53Stop playing.
08:55Nice.
08:56Brian, I'm giving you the sweet spot now of following that last guy, so whenever you're ready, you're talking to
09:02Abby.
09:02She's a 39-year-old virgin.
09:05Good morning, Abby.
09:05How are you?
09:07I'm good.
09:07How are you?
09:08I'm good.
09:09That's a real tough act to follow.
09:13Yeah, stop playing, Brian.
09:14I'm not playing.
09:16I am not playing.
09:17Yeah, anyways, I'm just off to a meeting right now driving in L.A. in traffic and was listening to
09:24the show.
09:24In fact, it would be fun to call in and check in and maybe invite you on a date.
09:30What would you do?
09:32What would we do on a date?
09:36I'm into racehorses, and I've got one racing next weekend at Santa Anita.
09:41I'll bang this guy.
09:42I'll come in.
09:43Cool.
09:43Abby, I'm in.
09:44He's got a horse.
09:45This guy's got horse money.
09:46This guy's got...
09:47That's a real flex.
09:47Well, Salamitas might die soon.
09:49That's a real flex, though.
09:50I have a racehorse.
09:51You kidding me?
09:52Yeah.
09:52Wow.
09:53This guy's got a car.
09:53What do you think of that, Abby?
09:55Sure.
09:55We can right him.
09:57Ooh.
09:57Ooh.
09:57You've been righted.
09:58Wow.
09:59I love it.
10:00Do you really have a racehorse, or are you just using that?
10:02I've got four.
10:03Four racehorses?
10:04Okay, fast and fun.
10:06All right, Vanessa.
10:07Calm down.
10:08Let's not fight Abby for this man.
10:09We're all fighting for this guy.
10:11Four racehorses.
10:12So do you bet on your own horses, Brian?
10:15I do.
10:16Yeah.
10:16And, well, actually, three of them are injured right now, but the one, my one girl, she's racing
10:22on the fourth, so at Santa Anita, so that would be fun.
10:24But one of them won at the Kentucky Derby last year, not the actual big race, but for
10:30the young ones.
10:31So that's pretty fun.
10:32Give me the name of this horse so I can put some money on it.
10:37Lucille B.
10:38Lucille B.
10:39Do you name it after X's, or how do you name your horses?
10:42Well, we buy them when they're like two or three years old, so we don't get to name
10:47them.
10:47They're already named, but I'd think of something a lot more funny than that.
10:50But I had that much power.
10:52It's a group of guys.
10:53I'm not like a, you know, it's not just my own horse.
10:55Oh, you're going in on it.
10:56That's cool.
10:57Wow.
10:58It's a syndicate.
10:59They go in together.
11:00Yeah, I like that.
11:00They're all, but are you in for a good, what percent, if you had to chop the horse up with
11:04an axe, what piece do you get?
11:05Like 10.
11:06We usually do like 10% each year.
11:09Nice.
11:0910 guys off, yeah.
11:10I love you.
11:10Gets a gold stick in the mail.
11:12All right.
11:12All right.
11:13I like this guy.
11:14Hold on.
11:14That's Brian.
11:15He's been writing.
11:16Hey, Abby, I like the way that guy thinks.
11:18He's got racehorses.
11:20On the move, he invited you on a real date.
11:22He made a couple jokes out of the gate.
11:23Had you laughing?
11:25Yes.
11:26Promising.
11:27Got me wet.
11:28Yeah, I know.
11:28Klein seems to want to date him first.
11:30Say hi to Donovan.
11:31He may be a little young for you, but go ahead, Donovan.
11:33You're on with Abby.
11:35Sweet divots.
11:35How's it going?
11:36Shout out gangbangers.
11:37Hi, Abby.
11:38How's it going?
11:38I don't know if I would shout out gangbangers while you're about to pitch yourself.
11:42Let's ease her into this.
11:43Jesus Christ, man.
11:45Don't play.
11:46Go ahead, Donovan.
11:47You haven't been righted or lefted yet.
11:49Yeah, Abby, we go check out a comedy show or do some karaoke.
11:55I love Lady Gaga.
11:56Go watch a movie.
11:58Go have some fun.
12:01Yeah, that does sound like a lot of fun options.
12:03Would you want to go see a regular comedy show or a Jake comedy show?
12:07Great question.
12:09I'm down for both.
12:10Oh.
12:11Oh.
12:11Okay.
12:13That's it, right.
12:15That's right, right.
12:16I love Drew.
12:18You said he might be a little young for me.
12:19How old are you?
12:21I'm 27.
12:23Oh, okay.
12:24Yeah, that's a little young.
12:27I could definitely go downtown and Abby.
12:30Oh, you made a downtown Abby joke.
12:32That's great.
12:33Oh, man.
12:34That's a good one.
12:36Was that an oral sex joke?
12:39Yes, it is.
12:40It was an oral sex joke?
12:42And a period joke.
12:42Oh, man.
12:44Oh, he's out.
12:45Oh, man.
12:45She left it in for that?
12:46I love that guy.
12:48Oh, man.
12:48I go downtown Abby.
12:50That's a great...
12:51This is creative.
12:52No, I like downtown Abby.
12:53Yeah.
12:53I think he's just a little young.
12:55Oh, man.
12:55Well, with jokes like that, he's pretty mature.
12:58God damn.
12:59I was rooting for that guy.
13:01All right.
13:01Let's say hi to Joe.
13:04Joe, welcome.
13:04We're actually going to run out of time.
13:06Oh, shoot.
13:07The show's almost over.
13:08What happened?
13:09Okay.
13:09Johnny's right.
13:10We're not going to have time for Johnny who doesn't know.
13:11I thought we would.
13:12Of course.
13:13We always think we will.
13:14Sorry, Johnny.
13:15All right.
13:15Last contestant.
13:16What's up?
13:19Joe.
13:21Yeah.
13:22I'm picking you above every other phone line that has someone on it right now that would
13:25like to meet this virgin.
13:26So go ahead.
13:27Do not make us regret this.
13:29Well, now that we're flexing, I'm up in Orange County.
13:33I own three restaurants.
13:34And I want to make sure she has the time of her life.
13:38So I want to take her up to the mountains, hiking, hunting, fishing.
13:43Have a little night out there and make sure we can handle those 39 years she's been out
13:46there.
13:47Take it up in the mountains, looking at the stars.
13:50I can let it go away.
13:53Sounds like a threat almost.
13:54Hiking in the mountains, it sounds like murder time.
13:56Yeah.
13:57But I'm also intrigued.
13:58It sounds lovely, but a little, you know, away from everything.
14:02Did I mention it's in the mountains?
14:04You're alone.
14:04You can't hear your street.
14:06You can see the stars.
14:07There's still lights.
14:08But he owns three restaurants.
14:09So he's letting you know right out of the gate he's not some weirdo, right?
14:12Are they real restaurants?
14:13Are they successful restaurants?
14:15They're really good restaurants.
14:17What's that?
14:18Are they Arby's or are they like real restaurants?
14:20No, they're real restaurants.
14:22Nice-game restaurants.
14:23Ooh, three of them.
14:24Awesome.
14:24So this guy, oh, he's a restaurateur.
14:26He's got a house up in the mountains.
14:28You have a house in the mountains or just you're just going to climb up to the mountains?
14:31We have a cabin up there.
14:32Okay, he's got a cabin.
14:33Stabbing cabin.
14:34Awesome.
14:36Are you a chef as well or are you just more of owning side?
14:42I am a chef.
14:43Cool.
14:45All right, Vanessa.
14:45All right.
14:46If Abby doesn't want him.
14:47I'm okay.
14:49We can write him.
14:51Right.
14:51I know.
14:52I'm not a hunting fan either.
14:53So we can X that.
14:55But the rest of it sounds good.
14:56All right.
14:57So you've been righted as well, Joe.
14:58So that means of all of those men we've met, a lot of losers.
15:00But Brian and Joe have both been righted, which means moving forward now, Abby, we will
15:07do exactly the opposite of what the lawyers here have told us and we will connect you guys
15:11and we're going to check back in with you in a week.
15:13You guys can bring this thing to the DMs and see if there's any kind of chemistry that develops
15:17and we'll check back in with our virgin in about a week and see if we're moving forward
15:21with this.
15:21And if not, there's a whole new crop of guys we didn't have time for.
15:23Yeah, we'll just keep going with this.
15:24So we will do our part.
15:26This is the new top priority of the show.
15:28Until you get done or stabbed.
15:29Jimmy Kimmel Trash Museum and, of course, getting you laid before you turn 40 are the
15:34two biggest priorities here.
15:35Forget about that blood drive.
15:36Cancel it.
15:38This is the only thing we care about.
15:41All right.
15:41Thanks, Abby.
15:43Klein Alley Show.
15:44K-R-O-Q.