00:00You know, I realized something a long time ago.
00:04Not a single person who has ever seriously disrespected me has a life that I admire.
00:12Think about that for a moment.
00:14The people whose words hurt you, the people who laughed at you, dismissed you, underestimated you,
00:21talked behind your back, or tried to make you feel small,
00:25they may have occupied a great deal of space in your mind.
00:30But ask yourself a different question.
00:33Do I actually want the life that they are building?
00:37Do I want their character, their relationships, their peace or lack thereof,
00:45their attitude, their priorities, or their heart?
00:49Now, if the answer is no, then I want to ask you,
00:53why would you allow their opinion to become the measuring stick for your life?
00:59That does not mean we become arrogant.
01:02Now, it doesn't mean we decide that everybody who disagrees with us is wrong either.
01:08Sometimes, criticism is deserved.
01:12Sometimes God uses other people to show us something we genuinely need to change.
01:20But, disrespect, well, disrespect is different.
01:26And Jesus showed us something powerful about how to handle it.
01:30Jesus was misunderstood, mocked, falsely accused, rejected, insulted, and eventually crucified.
01:38Yet, he never allowed the character of the people attacking him to determine his own character.
01:46They, you know, boy, this one gets me, you know,
01:53because that may be one of the greatest lessons we can learn from him.
01:56When somebody treats you badly, the temptation is to become like them.
02:02They insult you, so you insult them.
02:05They gossip about you, so you expose them.
02:09They embarrass you, so you wait for the chance to embarrass them.
02:15They try to hurt you, so you begin planning how to hurt them back.
02:20And suddenly, without realizing it,
02:23the person who disrespected you has started controlling you.
02:28Jesus refused to give people that kind of power.
02:32In 1 Peter 2, verse 23, Scripture says of Jesus,
02:39When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate.
02:45Now, notice what Jesus did not do here.
02:49He did not allow another person's ugliness to change his identity.
02:54He knew who he was.
02:56That changes everything.
02:58When you know who you are in God, you do not need everybody else to confirm it.
03:06Jesus did not need the approval of the Pharisees to know his mission.
03:11He did not need the applause of the crowd to know the Father loved him.
03:17He did not need his enemies to admit that he was right
03:22before he continued doing what God had sent him to do.
03:26And neither do you.
03:28Some of us are exhausted because we are still trying to win imaginary arguments
03:34with people who are no longer even in the room.
03:38We replay conversations.
03:40We imagine what we should have said.
03:44We hope they eventually realized that they were wrong about us.
03:48We secretly want life to prove our point.
03:52But freedom?
03:53Well, freedom comes when you finally understand that your assignment is not to make everybody regret doubting you.
04:01Your assignment is to faithfully live the life God has placed before you.
04:08And you know what?
04:09That is enough.
04:11Look at what Jesus taught in Matthew 7 verse 16.
04:16By their fruit, you will recognize them.
04:20Now, fruit tells the truth.
04:22Anybody can talk.
04:25Anybody can criticize.
04:27Anybody can make accusations or have an opinion about you.
04:32But eventually, a person's life produces fruit.
04:37Character produces fruit.
04:40Choices, discipline, faith, all produce fruit.
04:46Bitterness produces fruit too.
04:48So, instead of becoming obsessed with what someone said about you, look at the fruit.
04:55If a person is giving you advice about marriage while destroying every relationship around them,
05:02you should probably be careful about allowing their opinion to guide you.
05:07If someone mocks your discipline while living without direction,
05:12you do not need to abandon your discipline to gain their approval.
05:18If somebody criticizes your faith while having no peace of their own,
05:23you do not need to surrender the source of your peace,
05:27simply because they do not understand it.
05:31You can love people without following them.
05:34You can forgive people without becoming like them.
05:38You can pray for people without giving their opinions authority over your future.
05:44Jesus taught us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.
05:51That is one of the hardest teachings in Christianity because it goes directly against our natural instincts.
05:58But Jesus, well, Jesus was not teaching weakness.
06:04He was teaching freedom.
06:06When you hate someone, they continue occupying space inside you.
06:13When you obsess over revenge, their behavior keeps directing your behavior.
06:20Friends, when you spend years trying to prove them wrong,
06:24they remain part of your decision-making process.
06:28Forgiveness breaks that connection.
06:53There's one more moment in the life of Jesus that I just love so much.
06:58In Luke 23, Jesus stood before Herod.
07:03Herod wanted Jesus to perform.
07:06He had heard stories about the miracles and wanted to see something impressive.
07:11But Jesus gave him nothing.
07:15Scripture says Herod questioned Jesus at length,
07:18but Jesus did not answer him.
07:22Now, that's worth remembering.
07:24Not everybody deserves a response.
07:28Sometimes, maturity means explaining yourself.
07:34Sometimes, maturity means apologizing.
07:39Sometimes, maturity means confronting wrongdoing.
07:43And sometimes,
07:45sometimes, maturity means silence.
07:50Jesus knew the difference.
07:52You do not have to attend every argument you're invited to.
07:56You do not have to defend yourself against every rumor.
08:01You do not have to correct every person who misunderstands you.
08:06You do not have to spend your life chasing down and demanding that they see your value.
08:13Some people have already decided who they want you to be in their story.
08:18Let them tell their story.
08:20You keep living yours before God.
08:23Time has a remarkable way of revealing character.
08:29Adversity doesn't build character.
08:33It reveals it.
08:35And if you keep working, keep loving people, keep growing, keep honoring God, keep correcting yourself when you are wrong,
08:45and keep moving forward when you are discouraged,
08:49your life will eventually speak louder than most arguments ever could.
08:55That's why the life of Jesus remains our greatest example.
09:00His enemies mocked him.
09:02Jesus kept loving.
09:04They lied about him.
09:07Jesus kept telling the truth.
09:09They abandoned him.
09:12Jesus remained faithful.
09:15They crucified him.
09:17Jesus prayed,
09:20Father, forgive them.
09:22And three days later,
09:24well, three days later,
09:25the tomb was empty.
09:27Now imagine if Jesus had allowed the people who hated him
09:31to determine the person he became.
09:33There would be no gospel.
09:36Instead,
09:38Jesus stayed faithful to the Father.
09:42That should challenge every one of us.
09:45The goal is not to become successful enough that everybody who disrespected you
09:50becomes jealous.
09:52That is still allowing them to define success.
09:57The goal is to become so anchored in Christ
10:00that whether they applaud you,
10:02criticize you,
10:03remember you,
10:04or forget you,
10:06no longer determines your peace.
10:09There will always be someone who does not understand you.
10:13There will always be someone who thinks you should have chosen differently.
10:18There will always be someone willing to criticize the road that you are currently walking.
10:24Listen carefully when wise people correct you.
10:27Stay humble enough to admit when you are wrong
10:31and ask God to expose anything in your heart that needs changing.
10:37But never confuse humility
10:41with allowing disrespectful people to become the architects of your identity.
10:47God gets that position.
10:50Trust me.
10:51You know,
10:52maybe someone you know told you that you would never accomplish anything.
10:58Keep going.
10:59Maybe somebody laughed at something you believed God placed in your heart.
11:05Keep going.
11:07Maybe someone walked away from you and made you question your worth.
11:12Keep going.
11:13Maybe the people you hoped would support you
11:17became the people who criticized you the most.
11:21Keep going.
11:23But do not keep going because you want revenge.
11:27Keep going because you have a calling.
11:30There's a tremendous difference.
11:33Revenge looks backward.
11:35Purpose?
11:36Well, purpose looks forward.
11:40Bitterness asks,
11:41How can I prove them wrong?
11:44Faith asks,
11:45God,
11:46How can I be faithful today?
11:49Jesus did not build his life around his critics.
11:54Neither should you.
11:55One day,
11:56you're going to look back and realize something surprising.
12:00The disrespect that once seemed so important
12:03became tiny compared with the life that God built through you.
12:10You may even become grateful that you did not surrender your direction
12:14to people whose direction you never wanted in the first place.
12:19So forgive them.
12:21Learn from what happened.
12:23Set boundaries where boundaries are needed.
12:28Stay humble.
12:30Keep your heart clean and then move forward.
12:33Because the greatest answer to disrespect is not revenge.
12:39It's not an argument.
12:41It's not proving that you're better than someone else.
12:45The greatest answer is becoming the person God is calling you to become
12:49without allowing bitterness to come with you.
12:53Look at Jesus.
12:55He was insulted without becoming insulting.
12:58Rejected without becoming hateful.
13:03Opposed without abandoning his mission.
13:07Wounded without surrendering his love.
13:11Friends,
13:12that is the standard.
13:15And when somebody's opinion begins bothering you again,
13:19ask yourself a simple question.
13:21Do I admire the life their choices are creating?
13:26And if not,
13:28you probably should not allow their judgment to control yours.
13:33Listen to God.
13:35Follow Jesus.
13:37Love people.
13:39Forgive freely and walk wisely.
13:43And keep going toward the life that God has called you to live.
13:49The people who disrespected you do not get to write the ending of your story.
13:54God is not finished with you yet.
13:59My name is Douglas Van der Graaff and I believe in Jesus Christ.
14:05God bless every single one of you.
14:10Every single one.
14:11And everyone you love.
14:15Bye-bye.
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