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00:27So you're, you're sure you'll be all right?
00:29What, Basil?
00:30I said you're sure you'll be all right?
00:31Will you get me my bed jacket?
00:33Er, bed jacket.
00:34In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer.
00:39Now, you won't forget the fire deal tomorrow, will you?
00:42No, I won't, dear, no. I can cope, you know.
00:44This one?
00:45That's not blue.
00:46Well, it's got blue things on it.
00:48They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
00:51No, you didn't quite, right.
00:52No, I only picked that one up to annoy you, actually.
00:54I mean, what have you got all this stuff for?
00:57What?
00:57I mean, you're only here three days.
00:58You're going to play charades every night?
01:00This one?
01:01Is it blue?
01:02Oh, it's bluish, I suppose.
01:05Now, you will remember to collect your stuff from Thomas's, won't you?
01:07Yes, I will.
01:09Oh, and I forgot to scrape the mould off the cheddar this morning, so remind you.
01:13Right.
01:15And do try and find time to get the moosey's head up.
01:18Oh.
01:19It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.
01:21Yes, yes, yes.
01:22I don't know why you bought it.
01:25It will lend the lobby a certain ambiance, Sybil.
01:27There's a touch of style about it.
01:29It's got a touch of mange about it.
01:31That is not so.
01:32It's got things living in it, Basil.
01:34It's nasty.
01:35It is not nasty.
01:36It is superb.
01:37I'm not going to argue with you, Basil.
01:39Just get it up out of the way.
01:40I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.
01:43And will you get me my telephone book, please?
01:45I mean, it's not as if I don't have enough to do.
01:46I mean, I'm on my own.
01:47The Germans are arriving tomorrow.
01:48It's not till lunchtime.
01:49You can do it in the morning.
01:50I've got the fryer bill in the morning.
01:52Well, that only takes ten minutes.
01:53In the bag.
01:54Oh, I thought slavery had been abolished.
01:57Don't you ever think about anybody but yourself?
02:00Oh.
02:01In the bag.
02:02Oh, yes, in the bag.
02:03Yes, yes, let me do it.
02:04Would you just lie there with your feet up and I'll go and carry you off my other way to
02:07lime creams?
02:09I am actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.
02:12Oh, yes.
02:13How is the old toenail?
02:15Still growing in, hmm?
02:16Still burrowing its way down to the bone.
02:18Still machete-ing its way through the nerve, eh?
02:20Oh, nasty old nail.
02:23He's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.
02:25Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil.
02:28I wonder if they'd mount it for me just for old toadnessy.
02:31I'm sure it's worth asking.
02:32You could hang it on the wall next to the moose.
02:34They'd go rather well together.
02:35Uh-huh.
02:36Ah, there you are.
02:36Come along.
02:37Out you go.
02:40Oh, were you talking to me?
02:41I'm sorry.
02:41I thought there was a dog in here.
02:43Oh, no.
02:43No dogs in here.
02:45I wouldn't bet on it.
02:46Oh, no.
02:46Not allowed.
02:47Now, come along.
02:47You're in the way.
02:48Uh, Fawlty's the name.
02:49Mr. Fawlty.
02:50Let's sit you up with it.
02:51Thank you, sister.
02:54Now, pop that under your tongue.
02:57You still here?
02:58Apparently.
03:00A doctor's coming.
03:01My God.
03:02A doctor?
03:03I mean, here in the hospital.
03:04Whatever can we do?
03:06You can leave.
03:08Why do they call you, sister?
03:09Is it a term of endearment?
03:11Now, look, Mr. Fawlty.
03:12I'm not going to ask you again.
03:14Presumably you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye to my wife.
03:16She is under the knife tomorrow.
03:18It's an ingrowing toenail.
03:20Oh, you know, do you?
03:21Well, that'll help.
03:21Well, just take care now, and if you can think of any more things for me to do, don't hesitate
03:26to call.
03:28Finished?
03:29Just.
03:29Thank you so much.
03:30Not at all.
03:31Charmed, I'm sure.
03:32Ingrowing toenail, right foot.
03:33You'll find it on the end of the leg.
03:36Bye-bye, dear.
03:39Mr. Fawlty?
03:41Yes, sir.
03:42Dr. Fawlty.
03:44Oh, how do you do, doctor?
03:45You've just seen your wife.
03:47Yes, yes, just saying goodbye.
03:48Well, au revoir.
03:49Yes, well, it is a very simple operation, but it will be quite painful afterwards.
03:55With it?
03:55With it?
03:56Oh, dear.
03:57Just for a time, but please, don't worry.
04:00No, well, I'll try not to.
04:02Quite, quite painful.
04:04Yes.
04:12Evening, Major.
04:13Evening, Fawlty.
04:15Hampshire won.
04:16Did it?
04:17Oh, isn't that good.
04:18How splendid.
04:18Oh, Fawlty, um, uh, how's, how's, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
04:22My wife?
04:23Oh, that's it.
04:23Fine, absolutely fine.
04:25They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
04:26Is she?
04:27Good.
04:28No, not her.
04:29The nail.
04:29They won't have operated till tomorrow.
04:30What?
04:31The nail.
04:32They're taking it out tomorrow.
04:33Well, how did she get a nail in her?
04:36No, I thought I told you, Major.
04:37No, she's having a toenail out.
04:39What, just the one of them?
04:40Well, it's an ingrowing one, Major.
04:42Oh, well, if it's causing you pain, you have it out.
04:45Exactly.
04:45So, I'm on my own now.
04:47Start running this place properly.
04:48So you're on your own, are you?
04:51Apparently, uh...
04:51Oh, she won't be away for long, will she?
04:53No, no, no, no.
04:54Not unless it's a serious mistake.
04:55You've always got Elsie in, have you?
04:57Who?
04:58Elsie.
04:59Was she, uh, she left a couple of years ago, Major?
05:02Funny, I thought I saw her yesterday.
05:05No, I don't think so.
05:05She's in Canada.
05:07Strange creatures, women.
05:09Well, can't stand around all day.
05:10I knew one once.
05:12Like a looking girl.
05:13Tall, you know.
05:15Val was a banker.
05:16Really?
05:16Don't remember the name of the bank.
05:18Well, don't mind.
05:19I, I, I must have been keen on her, because, uh, because I took her to see, uh, India.
05:26India?
05:26At the Oval.
05:29Fine match.
05:30A marvellous finish.
05:31Now, Sonny had to get 33 in about a half an hour, and she went off to, uh, power, uh,
05:36borrow hands or something.
05:38Women, uh, never came back.
05:41What a shame.
05:42And the strange thing was that throughout the morning, she kept referring to the Indians
05:46as niggers.
05:47No, no, no, no, no, I said.
05:50Niggers are the West Indians.
05:52These people are wogs.
05:55Oh, no, no, no, she said.
05:57All cricketers are niggers.
05:59They do get awfully confused, don't they?
06:01They're not thinkers.
06:02I say it with Sybil every day.
06:03I, I do wish I could remember her name.
06:05She's still got my wallet.
06:07As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.
06:10Who?
06:12Women.
06:13Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
06:14I thought you meant Indians.
06:16No, no, no, no.
06:17Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said they have minds like Swiss cheese?
06:20What do you mean, hard?
06:22No, no, no, full of holes.
06:24No?
06:26Indians?
06:27No, no, women.
06:28Oh.
06:29Yes, can we help you?
06:31Hello.
06:32You see, three years at college, she doesn't know the time of day.
06:34Oh, about two minutes to six.
06:36What are you looking for?
06:38My German book.
06:39Oh, we've got some Germans arriving tomorrow morning, Major.
06:41So, uh, Polly's brushing up another one of her languages.
06:44Germans?
06:45Coming here?
06:46Oh, well, just for a couple of days, Major.
06:47I, I, I don't care much for Germans.
06:50Well, I know what you mean, but, uh...
06:51Bunch of cots!
06:52That's somebody, oh, all of them!
06:54Bad eggs!
06:55Well, yes, forgive and forget, Major.
06:57I mean, uh, God knows how the bastards do.
07:01I'd better put the moose up.
07:02Well, you've got to love them, I suppose, haven't you?
07:05Germans?
07:06No, no, no, no, women.
07:08I hate Germans.
07:10Love women.
07:11What about German women?
07:13Good card players.
07:15But, but, but, mind, I wouldn't give them time of day.
07:19Found it.
07:20I don't know what you're bothering with that for.
07:22Well, they said some of them didn't speak English.
07:23Well, that's their problem, isn't it?
07:25I don't know why she's got to complicate everything.
07:28Oh, got her cardie, did you?
07:37Oh, my God.
07:39Fine, Joe.
07:41Nearly six a drop, well, dear.
07:42Is it?
07:43Yes, well, when you're ready, I might have a little fruit juice or something.
07:47Yes, well, I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major, yes?
07:50No, no, no, immediate hurry.
07:53Drunken old sod.
07:56Holly?
07:59Holly?
08:01Oh.
08:02Manuel?
08:04Oh.
08:11Yes, faulty towers, hello?
08:14I was just doing it, you stupid woman.
08:16I just put it down to come here, to be reminded by you to do what I'm already doing.
08:20I mean, what is the point of reminding me to do what I'm already doing?
08:23I mean, what is the bloody point?
08:24I'm doing it, aren't I?
08:27Yes, yes, I picked it up, yes.
08:30No, no, I haven't had a chance yet.
08:32I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.
08:34Yes, I will, yes.
08:36No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes.
08:38Yes, yes, I know it is, yes.
08:39I'll try and get it cleared up.
08:40Anything else?
08:41I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left, or...?
08:44Yes, well, enjoy the operation, dear.
08:46Let's hope nothing goes wrong.
08:48Wish it was an ingrained tongue.
08:51Yes!
08:54Oh, it's the admirable Crichton, well...
08:57You called, sir.
08:58Last week, but not to worry.
09:00Okay?
09:01Oh, Buddha.
09:02Look, go and get me a hammer.
09:05Uh, como?
09:06Hammer.
09:07Hammer?
09:08Oh, a hammer sandwich.
09:09Oh, do I have to go through this every time?
09:12Look, a hammer!
09:14My hamster?
09:15No, not your hamster.
09:16How can I knock a nail in with your hamster?
09:18Well, I could try.
09:19No, it doesn't matter.
09:19All right, I'll get it.
09:20You come here and tidy.
09:22You know, tidy?
09:23Oh, tidy, yes, yes.
09:23I'll get hammer and hit you on the head with it.
09:26Oh, God.
09:26I...
09:27Hammer, hammer.
09:29How are you, sir?
09:30You see, I speak English well.
09:33I learn it from a book.
09:35Hello.
09:36I am English.
09:39Hello.
09:42How are you, sir?
09:47I can speak English.
09:52Oh, hello, Major.
09:54How are you today?
09:59I'm fine, thank you.
10:01It's a beautiful day today.
10:04Is it?
10:05Oh, yes, yes.
10:06I suppose it is.
10:07Yes, I can speak English.
10:11My lord, it's Robbie Pooke.
10:13Did you?
10:14Did you?
10:16Oh, there you are, Fawlty.
10:17Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.
10:19Oh, fine.
10:20I say, that's a remarkable animal you have there, Fawlty.
10:24Where did you get it?
10:25Uh, Samson's in the town.
10:27Really?
10:28Well, was it expensive?
10:30Uh, 12 pounds, I think.
10:31Good.
10:32Oh.
10:33Japanese, was it?
10:37Canadian, I think, Major.
10:38Yeah, I didn't know both Canadians.
10:40Clever as that.
10:41Thank God.
10:43It started early.
10:48Polly?
10:49What's that smell?
10:50Flowers.
10:51I just got them from the garden.
10:53Oh, what are you stinking the place out with those for?
10:54What's that for the plastic ones?
10:56Being ironed.
11:00Oh, will you answer that, please?
11:02I'm trying to put this up.
11:04Fawlty Towers?
11:05Oh, hello, Mrs. Fawlty.
11:06I'm doing it.
11:07I'm doing it now.
11:08Tell her I'm doing it now.
11:10He says he's doing it now.
11:11How's the nail?
11:12I wish it was this one.
11:16There.
11:16Tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies are safe forever.
11:20Mr. Moose is up.
11:21It's done.
11:22Done.
11:23Done.
11:23It's up.
11:27It's done again.
11:29Did you use a warm cup?
11:31Give it to me.
11:31Give it to me.
11:32Ha!
11:34No, he just fell over Manuel, and he seems to have got himself jammed over the wooden chair.
11:39And the flowers have just fallen on him.
11:41No, everything else is fine.
11:43Oh, God, I'm just going to fall.
11:45All right.
11:47He's up.
11:48Good.
11:49Up.
11:50Up.
11:50Basically, very good.
11:52Right.
11:53Good.
12:00He's good.
12:01He's good.
12:04Oh, what is...
12:08Right.
12:09Well, go on.
12:09Get back to your work.
12:10Oh, see, see, see.
12:11Twelve pounds.
12:16Good morning.
12:17Good morning.
12:17You know there's a fire drill in a few minutes, do you?
12:19No.
12:20No, we didn't.
12:21You hadn't read the notice?
12:22No.
12:23Right.
12:23Well, when you hear the bell, if you'd be so kind as to get out for a few moments, we
12:26have
12:26to clear the building.
12:27Thank you so much.
12:28Oh.
12:28Mr. Fawlty, you know it's nearly twelve.
12:30Yes?
12:30Well, the fire drill.
12:32Yes, I hadn't forgotten.
12:33You know, I just told somebody I can't cope.
12:35I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?
12:37Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs.
12:38While learning two oriental languages, yes.
12:41Mr. Fawlty?
12:42Yes?
12:42Who else is doing the upstairs?
12:44Only you.
12:44It doesn't take a moment.
12:45Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes.
12:47So?
12:48Well, what happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?
12:50Who does the upstairs then?
12:52Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it, shall we?
12:54What's the panic?
12:55There's always going to be an argument about everything.
12:59Hello, Fawlty Towers.
13:01Oh, what is it now?
13:02Can't you leave me in peace?
13:04Yes, yes, we're just going to have it.
13:06I hadn't forgotten.
13:08Yes, I know.
13:09I know I need the key.
13:10It's on the top of the...
13:11Well, where is it?
13:14Well, what you put it in there for, nobody's going to steal it, are they?
13:18Yes, I know that you know, but I don't.
13:20Yes, yes, I do now.
13:21Thank you so much.
13:22I mean, why has she got to complicate it?
13:23I put something down.
13:24I know where it is.
13:25So she has to come along and move the damn thing so that I can't find it.
13:28Where did you...
13:30Well, what'd she put that on?
13:32Oh, I might have guessed.
13:33Sorry, sorry, Major.
13:34Only the burglar alarm, sorry.
13:36Sorry, Miss Tibbs.
13:37What?
13:38That was the burglar alarm.
13:39The fire drill's not for a couple of minutes.
13:41Sorry.
13:41Excuse me.
13:42Hello, Miss Fawlty.
13:42No, no, my wife left the...
13:44Excuse me.
13:45Yes?
13:46Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell.
13:47Sorry, that was just the...
13:48Oh, I thought there was a drill.
13:49Yes, there is at 12 o'clock, but not yet.
13:51But it is 12 o'clock.
13:52Well, not quite.
13:53Excuse me.
13:54Yes.
13:54Well, I make it 12 o'clock.
13:55I'm afraid that wasn't the...
13:56What time do you make it, Major?
13:57Look, burglars are about...
13:59It doesn't matter what time he makes it.
14:01It hasn't started yet.
14:02What?
14:02It hasn't started yet.
14:04But that was the bell, wasn't it?
14:05No.
14:06He means the drill hasn't started yet.
14:08What drill?
14:09We didn't hear a drill.
14:10No, no, no, look.
14:11Look, look.
14:11That was the burglar alarm.
14:13See?
14:14The burglar alarm.
14:15Yes.
14:15Are they burglars?
14:16Evidently.
14:17No, look, what's the matter with you all?
14:18It's perfectly simple.
14:19Well, we have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell.
14:22That wasn't the fire bell, right?
14:24Well, how are we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?
14:26Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell.
14:28It didn't.
14:29It did.
14:30No, it didn't.
14:31The fire bell is a...
14:32It's a semitone higher.
14:34A semitone?
14:34At least, anyway, the fire drill doesn't start till 12 o'clock.
14:38It is 12 o'clock.
14:40Well, it is now, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it.
14:43Look, how on earth could you expect us to tell which bell is which?
14:48Oh, we haven't heard them yet, have we?
14:50You want to hear them?
14:51Right, suits me.
14:52Here's the burglar alarm.
14:53Ought we to catch them first?
14:55There aren't any.
14:56Then why does the alarm keep going?
14:58All right, got that?
14:59Right.
15:00What's happening now?
15:01Now, here's the fire bell, right?
15:04It's a completely different sound.
15:06Let's...
15:09Well, where are you going?
15:11Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
15:13No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:15This is so that you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I ring the bell.
15:19What are you doing?
15:20Will you come back?
15:21We're going offline.
15:23No, just listen to it, you old fool.
15:26Listen to it.
15:27Fire, fire, everybody else.
15:29No.
15:31Will you shut up?
15:32Oh.
15:32Will you shut up?
15:33It's fire.
15:34It's not fire.
15:35It's only bells.
15:36Where are you going?
15:37Upstairs.
15:38There isn't a drill yet.
15:39I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like.
15:41Now, will you go in there?
15:43Go help ship.
15:44Ship not here.
15:44Well, go and go and start the ship.
15:46Ship.
15:46Yes.
15:46When bells go, I can't stand.
15:48Come on.
15:48No fire.
15:49Only practice.
15:50Tell him, Polly.
15:51Thank you, ladies.
15:52Thank you so much.
15:53Perhaps I'm upstairs.
15:55What have you now?
16:01Now, how are we all agreed on what the fire bell sounds like?
16:05Yes.
16:06Splendid.
16:07Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire bell, which will commence in exactly 30 seconds
16:11from now.
16:12Now, thank you so much.
16:19What are you doing?
16:22I mean, are you just going to stand there?
16:24Well, what do you suggest?
16:25Well, couldn't money to you go in the bar and a few in the dining room?
16:28I mean, use your imagination.
16:29What?
16:30Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill.
16:32There's only a few seconds.
16:35Right, right.
16:36Well, stay where you are, because obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down
16:39here like this in the lobby, wouldn't you?
16:41I don't know why we bother.
16:42We should let you all burn.
16:47Oh, no, no, no.
16:48Please.
16:48No, no, no, no.
16:50No, no, no.
16:51Ah, no.
16:55No, no, no.
16:56Ah, no, no, no.
16:57Ah, no, no, no.
16:58Oh, my goodness, that is.
16:59Ah, oh, I don't.
17:01Ah, no, no, no.
17:04Ah, no, no, no, no, no.
17:05Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
17:08Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:09there aren't any major. It went off by
17:11accident. Oh, come on, and dry that.
17:13Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
17:15Fire, fire, fire, fire.
17:18No, no. Yes.
17:20See, see. Look, will you get back
17:21in there? Yes, yes.
17:22Shut up. I mean, just get over there.
17:27Mr. Potter, it's fire.
17:28Did you hear what I said? No, but it's fire.
17:30It's no fire. It's only drill.
17:33It's fire, it's fire, it's fire.
17:34It's fire, it's fire.
17:39It's no fire. Everybody's out upstairs.
17:42No man will listen to it. Not a day
17:44not a day. There is no fire.
17:49Well, don't clean the fire. The fire was happening for another
17:52six months ago. Why do we bother? Will you shut up?
17:57Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
17:58Come back in now.
18:00Oh, that's amazing.
18:01Never heard of it.
18:04Had it.
18:05Shut up.
18:06Yes, I will.
18:09Have you told you to have a bunch of chatter?
18:11Oh, 14, Mr. Potter.
18:12Yes, it's an awful run.
18:14Yes, I know.
18:15It's a right, right audio clip.
18:17Thank you so much for poking a nose in what's up to you.
18:21I put it up.
18:22If you don't have this, I'm saying you have...
18:29Right, ladies and gentlemen, could I have everyone down here in the lobby?
18:34Sorry.
18:35Sorry.
18:35Sorry to disturb you like this, but there is something that I think I ought to mention.
18:40I'm not quite sure how this has happened in this hotel before, and I'm not quite sure
18:47how it's started now.
18:48What is it?
18:49Well, the point is, can I put it this way?
18:54Fire.
18:55Where?
18:56Fire.
18:59Fire.
19:00Fire.
19:01Where?
19:01Fire.
19:03Fire.
19:06Fire.
19:07Fire.
19:09Fire.
19:09Fire.
19:09What do you want?
19:11It's your mom.
19:12What?
19:12Your mom.
19:14Right.
19:14Right.
19:16Where's the key?! Where is the key?! I mean, would you believe it?
19:19I mean, would you believe it? The first time we've ever had a fire here in this hotel
19:24and somebody's lost the key!
19:26I mean, isn't that a nice place?!
19:28Oh, thank you, God! Thank you so bloody much!
19:33What?!
19:43What?!
19:44Hello!
19:45Thank you!
19:47Wait!
19:48Wait!
19:48Open the door!
19:51Wait!
19:52Wait!
19:53Wait!
19:55Wait!
19:56Wait!
19:58Pull!
20:00Pull!
20:01Right!
20:02Open the door!
20:03This is...
20:04This...
20:05No!
20:07No!
20:10No!
20:10No!
20:12No!
20:13No!
20:15No!
20:21Oh, no!
20:25Oh, no!
20:25I've tried to wait...
20:26It did!
20:39Well, thank you for coming to see me.
20:44Not at all. I was just...
20:46How are you feeling?
20:48A fire!
20:48It's all...
20:49A fire!
20:50It's out. There's not much...
20:51Oh, my God. Where is it? What are they?
20:53What are you doing?
20:54Gotta get back. Gotta get back.
20:55Basil, will you get back into bed?
20:57Listen, what is it now?
20:59I'm going to call someone if you don't get back into bed.
21:00Listen, Simor, please. I'll handle this if you don't mind.
21:04Now, what sort of a room do you want?
21:05Basil!
21:07I want it. I can't stand around chattering all day. I've got to get back.
21:10Basil, you are not well. The doctor says you've got concussion.
21:13You must rest.
21:14I'll rest when I get to the hotel.
21:15I've just spoken to Polly. They are managing perfectly well.
21:17Do you know what that fire extinguisher did?
21:20It exploded in my face.
21:22I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?
21:24It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire, when you actually need the bloody thing, it
21:29blows your head off.
21:30I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson.
21:34That's a lot of noise.
21:36Now, what are you doing out of your bed?
21:38Going home, thank you so much.
21:40Yes, well, we'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?
21:42No, let's not.
21:42Now, come along.
21:43Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.
21:45Yes.
21:46Yes.
21:47We must have out your jokes.
21:48Yes, we must, mustn't we?
21:51My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
21:55Basil?
21:56Hmm?
21:57I'll get the doctor.
21:58You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
22:02You don't even talk to sister like that. Get back it to bed.
22:05You've not seen her realise that I'm needed at the hotel.
22:07No, you're not. It's running beautifully without you.
22:10Polly cannot cope!
22:11Well, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks, or start burglar alarms, or lock people in
22:17burning rooms, or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face.
22:20But I should think the hotel can do without. They're sort of coping for a couple of days. What do
22:23you think, Basil?
22:24What?
22:25Oh, hello, Doctor.
22:27Out of bed, Mr Forty?
22:28Ah, sort of. Oh, there they are. Well, better get back into bed.
22:31Feel a little bit woozy.
22:33You will for a time, Mr Forty. You will.
22:35Yes, quite. Quite.
22:36You should get as much rest as you can.
22:39As much rest as you can.
22:42As much rest as you can.
23:06As much rest as you can.
23:07Gnädiges Fräulein, können Sie mir sagen, wann das Mittagessen serviert wird, bitte?
23:11Oh, mein Ohr.
23:12Fünf Minuten.
23:13Vielen Dank.
23:14Wiederschön.
23:20Manuel?
23:21Oh, Mr Forty.
23:23Ah, good evening.
23:24Are you all right now?
23:25Perfectly thank you. Take this to the room, please, dear.
23:27Are you sure you're all right?
23:28Perfectly thank you.
23:30Right as rain.
23:37Are you okay?
23:38Fine, thank you, dear. You go and have a lie down.
23:41Okay.
23:42Ah, there you are.
23:43Will you take my case?
23:44How did you get there?
23:46What?
23:47Oh, never mind. Take it.
23:48Take it upstairs.
23:49Okay.
23:50Take it. Take it.
23:51I go get Polly.
23:52I've already had one.
23:54Take it.
23:54Take it now.
23:55God, the people I have to deal with.
23:59Blessing Sie, Deutsch.
24:00I beg your pardon?
24:02Entschuldigen Sie bitte.
24:03Kennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?
24:05I'm sorry. Could you say that again?
24:07You speak German?
24:09Oh, German.
24:10I'm sorry.
24:11I thought there was something wrong with you.
24:12Oh, of course.
24:14The Germans.
24:16You speak German?
24:17Well, a little.
24:18I get by.
24:19Ein bisschen.
24:20Ah, wir wollen ein Auto-Meeten.
24:22Well, why not?
24:23Bitte.
24:24Yes, a little bit tricky.
24:25Would you mind saying it again?
24:26Please.
24:27Could you repeat?
24:28Amplify?
24:29You know, reattre...
24:30Yes, yes.
24:30Here.
24:30Here, yes.
24:31Well, we'll come back to that.
24:32Wollen.
24:33Wollen.
24:34Voluntary.
24:35Ein Auto-Meeten.
24:36Auto.
24:37Auto.
24:37Oh, I see.
24:38You're volunteering to go out to get some meat.
24:41Not necessary.
24:42We have meat here.
24:45We have meat here in the building.
24:54Oh, Polly, just explaining about the meat.
24:57Oh, we weren't expecting you.
24:58Oh, weren't you?
24:59They're Germans.
24:59Don't mention the war.
25:01I see.
25:03Well, Mrs. Fawlty said you were going to have a rest for a couple of days, you know, in the
25:06hospital.
25:07Idle hands get in the way of the devil's work, Fawlty.
25:10Now, right, well, why don't you go and have a lie down and I can deal with this.
25:13Yes, yes, good idea.
25:14Good idea, Elsie.
25:15Yes, a bit of a headache, actually.
25:17We don't think you're well, Mr. Fawlty.
25:19Well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you.
25:23You must have hurt yourself.
25:25My dear woman, a blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush.
25:30Oh, no, but it was a nasty knock.
25:34Hmm, would you like one?
25:35Next, please.
25:37Oh, Polly, are these Germans too?
25:39Oh, yes, sir, I can do it.
25:40Right, right, here's the plan.
25:41I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war.
25:46Before their lunch.
25:49Don't mention the war.
25:53Yeah, yeah.
26:03Can we help you?
26:07Are you speaking English?
26:09Of course.
26:09Ah, wonderful.
26:11Wunderbar.
26:12Ah, please, allow me to introduce myself.
26:15I am the owner of Fawlty Towers.
26:17And may I welcome your war?
26:19Your war?
26:19You war?
26:20You war?
26:21You war?
26:22And hope that your stay will be a happy one.
26:25Now, would you like to eat first?
26:26Or would you like a drink before the war?
26:29Neat that our trespasses will be tied up with piano one.
26:33Sorry, sorry.
26:34Oh, God, such a shrapnel in the war.
26:38Korean, Korean, more sorry than Korean.
26:42We will eat now.
26:43Oh, good.
26:44Please, do allow me.
26:45May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent?
26:49Can I speak to Dr. Bin, please?
26:51I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly, but now that we're in, I'm determined to make it work.
26:55So, I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
26:57The place is grilled, but that doesn't matter.
26:59There's life in the old thing yet.
27:00No, wait a moment.
27:01Got a bit confused there.
27:01Oh, yes.
27:02The place is grilled.
27:03In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?
27:04I'll open a window.
27:05Have a look.
27:05And the veal chop is done with rosemary.
27:09Funny.
27:10Thought you'd go to Canada.
27:11And it's delicious and nutritious.
27:14In fact, it's vealy good.
27:16Vealy good.
27:18Vealy good?
27:19Yes, doesn't matter.
27:19Doesn't matter.
27:20Never mind.
27:20May we have two ex-mayances?
27:22Certainly.
27:23Why not?
27:24Why not indeed?
27:24We are all friends now, eh?
27:26A prawn cocktail.
27:27All in the market together.
27:29No differences.
27:30Forgothen and no need at all to mention the war.
27:32Sorry.
27:32What was it again?
27:34A prawn cocktail.
27:35Oh, prawn.
27:36That was it.
27:36When you said prawn, I thought you said war.
27:38Oh, the war.
27:40Oh, yes.
27:41Completely slipped my mind.
27:42Yes, I've forgotten all about it.
27:43Hitler, Himmler and all that.
27:44Oh, yes.
27:45Completely forgotten it.
27:46Just like that.
27:48Sorry.
27:49What was it again?
27:50A prawn cocktail.
27:51Oh, yes.
27:52Leave a prawn.
27:52Yes.
27:53And Goebbels.
27:54Too easy.
27:54I can hardly remember at all.
27:56And then pickled haig.
27:57Hermann Goring.
27:58Yes, yes.
27:59And von Ribbentrop's.
28:00That was another one.
28:01And four cold meat salads.
28:02Yes, please.
28:03Certainly.
28:03Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.
28:06H hors d'oeuvres, which must be obeyed at all times without question.
28:09Sorry.
28:10Sorry.
28:10I'm sorry.
28:11I'm sorry.
28:11Will you please call your wife immediately?
28:13Sim off.
28:14Sim off.
28:14She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
28:16Yes, call her there.
28:18I can't.
28:18I've got too much to do.
28:19Listen, don't mention the war.
28:20I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.
28:23All right.
28:23So, it's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it.
28:27So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn goebbels, a Hermann Goring, and four cold meat salads.
28:33Now, wait a minute.
28:33I got a bit confused here.
28:34Sorry.
28:35I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.
28:37So, could you...
28:38What's the matter?
28:39It's all right.
28:40Is there something wrong?
28:42Will you stop talking about the war?
28:43Me?
28:44You started it?
28:45We did not start it.
28:47Yes, you did.
28:47You invaded Poland.
28:48Yeah.
28:50Yeah.
28:50Yeah, this woman.
28:51Yeah.
28:51This will cheer you up.
28:52You'll like this one.
28:53There's this woman.
28:53She's completely stupid.
28:55She'd never remember anything.
28:56And her husband's in a bomber for Berlin.
28:59Oh, sorry.
29:00Sorry.
29:01Yeah.
29:01Yeah.
29:01She'll love this one.
29:02She'll laugh at...
29:03Leave her alone.
29:03No, this is a street.
29:04I mean, I've never seen anyone not laugh at this.
29:06Go away!
29:07Look, she'll love it.
29:08She's German.
29:10No, Mr. Porter.
29:11What?
29:12Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
29:13What?
29:14Jimmy Cagney.
29:15Jimmy Cagney?
29:16I know.
29:16You're dirty right.
29:17I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
29:19Please try.
29:20I'm going to go...
29:20Shut up.
29:22Yeah, what?
29:22Who's this then?
29:24Stuck you, my knuckles!
29:28I'll do the funny walk.
29:29He's going...
29:34He's going...
29:35He's going...
29:35He's going...
29:40I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid crout.
29:45Funny?
29:47Not funny?
29:48You're joking.
29:49It's not funny for her.
29:50Not for us.
29:51Not for any German people.
29:52You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?
29:55This is not funny!
29:57Oh, I'm the bloody war anyway.
30:00Mr. Colty.
30:01You'll be all right.
30:02Come with me.
30:03Fine.
30:03Fine.
30:25He hit me on the head.
30:27No, you hit him on the head.
30:30No, naughty moose.
30:33However did they win.
30:34Bravo!
30:41Bye!
30:43Bye!
30:46Bye!
30:59Bye!
31:04Bye!
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