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00:04In 1486, the second year of Richard IV's historic reign,
00:08and also the year in which the egg replaced the worm as the lowest form of commercial exchange,
00:13King Richard left England to fight in the crusade against the Turks.
00:19And the Lord said, love your neighbor as yourself, unless he is a Turk, and if
00:26It is, death to that dog.
00:29She left behind her beloved son, Prince Harry, to rule as regent in his place.
00:34Goodbye, dear Harry.
00:36Goodbye, dear father.
00:38And his infamous son Edmund to do the tasks that suited him best.
00:43Edmund?
00:45Smile.
00:59Milor, now that the king is gone...
01:05Yes of course.
01:08Finally, an opportunity to seize power.
01:19The black viper.
01:29The lines.
01:54Come on, let's walk towards the castle!
01:56Monia! I want you all at her gates by sunset or you will all die! Go!
02:03Come on, come on! I'm fed up with you, you filthy sheep! Walk, walk!
02:10Be quiet!
02:15Come here! Where on earth do you think you're going? Stop! Where are you going? No, no, don't stray from the castle! Walk towards it!
02:23Come on, obey!
02:26Splendid! Splendid!
02:29No, no! This is as far as you can go! Get out!
02:33Ah! If only I could get my hands on that bastard of a brother of mine!
02:40Ah, Edmund!
02:45Edmund!
02:49Great, you're here! Splendid news!
02:52Edmund, father, come home!
02:54He wrote to me and said he'll be back on Saint Leonard's Day! Wonderful!
02:57That way we'll celebrate both events together!
03:00Listen!
03:02I will take care of organizing the royal visit with the honor guard and the papal watering.
03:07And you can... you can organize the celebrations.
03:11The celebrations?
03:12Yes! Moorish dances, eunuchs, and barbarian women.
03:16That's what's traditional on Saint Leonard's Day.
03:20Oh, damn it! I don't think I'll have much time to tend to the sewers.
03:24Edmund, you'll take care of that too.
03:27Oh yes, yes, yes, yes! Very good! Yes, of course! It will be! It will be an honor!
03:31Great! You won't let me down, will you?
03:33No, no, no, no! Not at all!
03:35The truth is, I'm really looking forward to starting.
03:37Thank you for trusting me!
03:39Gorgeous!
03:43Twelve months spent herding sheep and dusting royal portraits!
03:48And now this! The bastard!
03:53Bastard!
03:55What if it really were true, Milor?
03:58That?
03:59If he were truly a bastard, you would be the regent.
04:04Yes! And someday?
04:08You would be king, Milor.
04:10Yes! Yes, you would be king!
04:14And then?
04:17You would rule the world, Milor!
04:20Exactly!
04:21But it's not fair, you know?
04:22Every living creature in the castle has bastard children.
04:26But not my mother! Not my mother!
04:28She's so pure she doesn't even dare look down for fear of seeing her own breasts!
04:34You must be eagerly awaiting the king's return, Your Majesty!
04:38No!
04:40No!
04:41No, Milady!
04:42Think about it carefully!
04:43Go to your chambers and he will make love to you wildly and passionately!
04:48Oh, yes!
04:49And I wish he didn't.
04:50It's very difficult to sleep with all that movement in the bed.
04:56Using you all night like you were a sausage wrapper.
04:59Well, it doesn't matter.
05:01Furthermore, the celebrations for Saint Leonard's Day, the jesters, the minstrels... are just around the corner.
05:07and the bull that spends the night snorting and panting.
05:12That's it! The party!
05:14As?
05:16No, no. I was thinking about something else.
05:19I hope the Moorish Dancers come this year! I love them!
05:23Yeah.
05:24And me, the eunuchs.
05:26Ah, yes! The eunuchs!
05:31I'd like to have one.
05:34And for me, having married one.
05:36No!
05:36Yes, yes!
05:38It could have happened to anyone.
05:39No problem!
05:41Nothing!
05:42Nothing!
05:44My God!
05:45I can't believe it!
05:46We only have one number and the lady goes and shaves her beard.
05:50Can we call the eunuchs?
05:51Of course!
05:53The eunuchs and that incredible beardless woman!
05:56Yeah!
05:58There has to be something else!
05:59Yes, my Lord!
06:00There are also the jumping Jews of Jerusalem.
06:03And what are they doing?
06:04They jump, my Lord.
06:06That?
06:07They go on stage and jump.
06:09Very high.
06:11It's a comedy act.
06:12No, no, no!
06:13There has to be more to it, for sure!
06:15Okay, what is this?
06:17The death of the pharaoh.
06:19Sir Dominic Pene and his magnificent street jesters
06:23They represent the masterpiece of Ancient Egyptian tragedies.
06:28Maybe it will be fun.
06:29No, no, no, no.
06:30I found it very moving, my Lord.
06:32It had better be fun.
06:33Penis will get what's coming to him.
06:35Hire him!
06:35And what about Jerry Meriwether and his four hens?
06:39And what do they do? Lay eggs?
06:41Yes, my Lord.
06:43Fine, whatever. Let them come, let them come!
06:49No, no, no.
06:54No no.
06:58No, no, no.
06:58What is it, my Lord?
07:01The eunuchs have frozen.
07:04Oh, mother.
07:06I knew it.
07:07You can't trust them.
07:08So what do we do now?
07:09I know what I'm going to do.
07:11Valdrick, an execution order.
07:13I will teach them a lesson they will never forget.
07:16I'm going to order that they remove what's left of their private parts.
07:22Milad, take this to the chancellor.
07:26God, I'm desperate, desperate.
07:29We can always bring the Moorish dances.
07:32Hey, I'm not that desperate.
07:35Moorish dance is the most fatuous and terrible spectacle ever, ever invented by man.
07:41Forty blacksmiths, assimilated, moving pieces of cloth on which they clean their noses.
07:46I'll never understand how it's possible that it still works.
07:50Milad, I'm sorry, but do you want them or not?
07:54Ah, Edmund!
08:03Rest!
08:05Splendid. And how are the other shows going?
08:08Ah, very good, very good indeed.
08:10Although I think they will have a certain spartan feel.
08:15What? Greek?
08:17Yes, that's it. A Greek feel, yes.
08:20Perfect. Is everyone coming?
08:22Absolutely everyone.
08:23In fact, there will be so many people that I fear we will have to do without eunuchs.
08:28No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:31No?
08:31No. That's impossible.
08:34And especially on Saint Leonard's Day, because, well, correct me if I'm wrong, Lord Percy,
08:39But Saint Leonard was a eunuch.
08:44Yes it's true.
08:50Exactly. And that's why I thought it would be much more discreet, yes.
08:54No, no, no, no. To do without eunuchs on Saint Leonard's Day would be...
08:58Well, it would be like doing away with Moorish dances and the bearded lady.
09:03Yeah.
09:04And furthermore, Lord Dugal Macangus, the king's supreme commander, will be coming to the party.
09:10And as you know, eunuchs are their favorite spectacle.
09:15He's Scottish, you know?
09:19Okay, okay. Well, I'll leave it all in your hands. Go on.
09:27So, a Scottish orangutan with a carrot face and bristles on his rear end likes eunuchs, huh?
09:34They say he is a great warrior.
09:37Yes, that's what they say. But those Scots are barbarians. Half of them don't speak English.
09:42And what do they talk about?
09:43I don't know. It sounds Greek to me.
09:45Could he be Greek?
09:47No, I mean it sounds Greek to me.
09:49Yes, it sounds Greek. It's probably Greek.
09:52He's not Greek.
09:55But it sounds like Greek.
09:57It's not Greek, but it sounds like Greek. Good guess, my Lord.
10:02But it's no riddle, Perse. I was just saying that I don't understand a single word he's saying.
10:08I'm not surprised, my Lord. You've never studied Greek.
10:13Persi? Have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
10:17Sometimes, my Lord.
10:19Well, I wouldn't mind satisfying your curiosity at all. Do you understand?
10:23Me... Oh, God! This Scotsman is already starting to bother me.
10:26I am the Duke of Edinburgh.
10:28And Ross Bursell's son, Kiki Peebles.
10:32I could make it difficult for him.
10:33As for the shows, I don't know.
10:37Valdry, you have a beard.
10:39Go find yourself a dress.
10:41Perfect, my Lord.
10:42Percy, you go get...
10:44Bernard, the bear hunter.
10:46Yes, my Lord.
10:47I think we'll need him.
10:48And Percy?
10:49Yes, my Lord.
10:50Let him bring a real bear this time.
10:52Yes, my Lord.
10:54Last year's improvisation was pathetic.
10:59Well, Dad, a toast to Dad's return.
11:04Demons!
11:05Who is it?
11:08He must be an envoy from your father.
11:18Noble Harry, Prince of Gades,
11:20Dugal Macambus greets you
11:22and leave your feet the spoils of the enemy in the war.
11:27Forgive me, please forgive me.
11:28That's my personal hygiene bag.
11:30And here admire the treasures taken from the Turks.
11:35Oh, Macambus!
11:36It fills me with less joy and hope.
11:38And what good news do you bring from my father, the king?
11:41When I saw him, I swear I'd be back on Saint Leonard's Day
11:43or that he would die trying.
11:45God willing.
11:46We will pray that you have a safe journey.
11:48Sit down, you must be hungry.
11:50And young Longnivar?
11:52Yes, let him come too.
11:53Come here, Longnivar.
12:02You must be the king's bunny, huh?
12:06I am the queen.
12:07Yes, that's it.
12:08I have a message for you.
12:09My father asked me to give you my regards.
12:12Do I know him?
12:13You could say so.
12:15He is Donald Macambus, third Duke of Argil.
12:21Ah, Edmund, you've arrived.
12:23In Macambus, this is the man who will provide us with entertainment tomorrow.
12:27Ah, the eunuch!
12:31Here, a tip for your trouble.
12:35I am not a eunuch.
12:37Well, you look like one.
12:39I am not a eunuch.
12:40I am the Duke of Edinburgh.
12:42Yes, really.
12:44Yeah.
12:45Same old story.
12:46Duke of Edinburgh and as Scottish as the Queen's tits.
12:51I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
12:53Excuse me, but that's my chair.
12:56Don't apologize.
13:00Good.
13:01Now that we all know each other, I have a very special statement to make.
13:06Are you not also a eunuch?
13:07Macambus, as a reward for your heroic deeds in battle,
13:12My father grants me the power to grant you anything you desire.
13:16Yes, it makes sense to ask for a breast augmentation.
13:20I feel honored.
13:22I'm just asking for a small piece of land.
13:23Beautiful Selkirk and noble county Rosbord.
13:27That?
13:28Very good.
13:29By the power that is granted to me...
13:30Sorry.
13:32I'm very sorry to rub salt in the wound,
13:35But the point is, those lands belong to me.
13:39AND?
13:41Well, perhaps he doesn't mind choosing other lands.
13:45Macambus?
13:45No no.
13:46Rosbord and Selkirk.
13:48But then I'm left with Peebles.
13:50And Peebles too.
13:52Are you trying to say something, Edmund?
13:54Well, I don't know.
13:56Some people might say.
13:57What an absurd idea!
13:59Giving half of Scotland to a maniac in a skirt
14:02for killing a couple of Sicilian Turks.
14:09On the contrary.
14:12Let's reward him.
14:12Good.
14:13Very good.
14:14So be it.
14:18Hurrah!
14:26I'll kill him!
14:27I'll kill him right now!
14:29Yeah?
14:29Whom?
14:30To that Scottish weasel.
14:32Why, my lord?
14:33Because she's a smelly, thieving weasel.
14:35Yes, but how?
14:37I will stab him.
14:38Where?
14:38In the central hall and in the bladder.
14:42But if you do it in front of everyone, they'll get suspicious, right?
14:49Yes, that's a drawback.
14:53Yes, perhaps we need something a little more cunning.
14:59I have a clever plan.
15:01Maybe so, but I think mine is more cunning.
15:03Mine is quite cunning, my lord.
15:04Yes, but I suppose not enough.
15:06What level of cunning are you referring to?
15:07I mean very astute.
15:08What am I referring to?
15:09My plan is very clever, my lord.
15:11Okay, then spit it out.
15:12Let go of that clever thing.
15:14Well, first you make me go with you.
15:17Ah, yes, very clever.
15:18Incredibly astute.
15:19I ask him to come with me and then, then I stab him.
15:22Very clever.
15:23No, no, then take a huge cannon and...
15:25I see.
15:25I'll take it outside.
15:26I get him to put his head inside a cannon and then I fire.
15:29Yes, that's it.
15:30Yes, yes, Valdrick.
15:32That's a very good idea.
15:34No.
15:35I have a plan that will be much more fun and definitive.
15:42Ah, ah, ah, ah.
16:14Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
16:25Ah, ah, ah, ah.
16:58Thank you!
17:07Can I help you?
17:10No, no, thank you. Okay.
17:13Glad to hear it.
17:19I won't bother you up here, will I?
17:23Well no.
17:29Just one thing. I was wondering if you could do me a small favor.
17:37Well?
17:39I was wondering if you'd like to help us with the festivities tonight.
17:44No, I'm going as a guest.
18:13No, no, no, no, no.
18:16I'm not an actor.
18:19I don't think you have to act much.
18:23It is an ancient Egyptian work called The Death of the Scotsman.
18:31I'll try!
18:32God!
18:34And if you want, you can play the Scotsman who dies at the end of the performance.
18:41Playing dead? Now that's something else.
18:43Yes, as I told you, you won't have to do much.
18:54Beware of the trap you set!
18:55Aaah!
19:03Aaah!
19:05Aaah!
19:08Aaah!
19:24Aaah!
19:30With feet high, high, like trees
19:33to move the branches and leaves inwards
19:36Oh, yes, no, my clothes!
19:38Have you made any relevant changes?
19:41Yes, yes, myrope
19:47Ah, McCarty!
19:49Let me introduce you to the actors!
20:00Hey, how did it go!
20:02Uh, I don't know, but I think they haven't understood anything.
20:10The three of us have come together with a daring purpose
20:14Here, on the banks of the graceful Nile
20:17Where camels run and the desert wind blows
20:21To spill the blood of the Scottish villain
20:25Oh, Harry! What's a Scotsman doing in Egypt?
20:28I'm not sure
20:29This group is very good
20:32Do you see your mother?
20:33He met my father when he was coming from France
20:35And apparently, he and your mother used to
20:38Hahaha!
20:39Don't be absurd
20:41My mother would never do something like that.
20:44My father managed to marry her because she told him she was a cure for diarrhea.
20:48You don't believe it
20:50Not a single title of the letters
20:51The one she herself wrote to him
20:53Listen, with them we could take the regency away from young Harry
20:57Not a bad start, huh?
20:59Don't be absurd
21:00Silence!
21:02Listen to the bagpipes and drums
21:04Our victim is approaching from this direction.
21:07Now go out
21:08Signal, now I step out
21:10Letters, letters, but where are they?
21:11I have them safely stored away
21:12Only I know where they are.
21:13The victim is approaching.
21:19By Tutankhamun
21:20I see you've arrived just in time
21:23As you can see, it's starting to get dark and the June breeze is blowing.
21:28Yes, that's true.
21:30Tell me
21:31What the hell do you want?
21:34You won't guess.
21:35Hurry, Cedalgo, Macango!
21:37You're going to die
21:37I don't like jousting tournaments
21:39One moment
21:39Scottish rat to the thief
21:40With stinky mother
21:42Death to the Scotsman
21:43Yes, death to the Scotsman
21:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he knows too much
21:46That is why he must die
21:49No, he cannot die, he cannot
21:51He has information, he must not die
21:53I made a mistake, oh my God, what do I do now?
21:56Stop the show, my lord
21:58How? How?
21:59So, saying, stop.
22:00For what reason? What reason could I possibly stop?
22:03Because the algae are real and it's about to die.
22:06No, you bastard!
22:11Milor, hurry!
22:19Stop!
22:20Sorry I'm late.
22:25Take!
22:37Yes, excellent.
22:38Is that really my mother's handwriting when you say she wrote them?
22:41In 1460.
22:43The year my brother was born.
22:47Valdrick, come here!
22:51Valdrick?
22:52Go to the great hall and tell everyone that the show has been cancelled.
22:55Because?
22:56Why? Why am I telling you this, you pathetic rat?
22:58What? Why was it cancelled, Milor?
23:00I understand.
23:02Tell them I have an important statement to make.
23:09Do I have to take off my dress?
23:11Get out, get out, get out of here!
23:16If you played your cards right, you could be king.
23:20Ah, yes, someday.
23:22And sooner than you think.
23:23The last time I saw your father he was attacking Constantinople and they closed the gates behind him.
23:28No!
23:29Yeah!
23:30Three thousand Turks armed with sabers.
23:32And he was alone with a small fruit peeling knife.
23:46Jerry Meriwan.
23:48Another nail in the coffin of the variety.
23:52I liked Bernard, the hunter.
23:55Thank you, thank you.
23:57Hey, Edmund, is this statement going to last long?
24:00I haven't seen the eunuchs yet.
24:02No, don't worry, Harry, it will all be over soon.
24:08Dear mother, dear brother, ladies and gentlemen of the court,
24:14Today they have come into my possession through the hands of your faithful servant, Dugal Macangus,
24:21certain rather extraordinary letters, relating to Prince Harry's lineage.
24:31Letters? What's so extraordinary about them, Edmund?
24:35Letters? Well, Harry, your dear mother wrote them to your dear father.
24:43Of course, Harry, with your father being Donald, the third Duke of Argin, how dare you?
24:50These letters are quite intimate in nature, let me give you an example.
24:55Arundel, Thursday, my dear little mane, often when you sit at the table with my husband
25:03Delving deeper into matters of state, I long for the day you will delve deeper.
25:08Edmund, are you sure about what you're saying?
25:10How was our mother, Harry, when she wrote these words?
25:15My dear lad, sail south.
25:19As you know, Tugaleón is guaranteed a warm welcome in my port.
25:26Young man?
25:27Mother, do you know anything about these letters?
25:29But what other choice did he have?
25:31And I was just an innocent young girl.
25:34Then I must resign the regency and hide in a monastery.
25:39Edmund, you will be the regent until your father returns.
25:43The king will not return.
25:45That?
25:46Goodbye, my dear!
25:47The last time Macabu returned, he was facing half of the Turkish army.
25:52with just a kitchen knife.
25:56Okay, Percy, you can start with your thing.
25:59The king is dead.
26:01Long live the king!
26:02The king is dead!
26:04Long live the king!
26:06The king is dead!
26:08He has probably died.
26:10Long live the king!
26:12The king is probably dead!
26:15Long live the king!
26:16The king is dead!
26:18He's not dead!
26:21The king is not dead!
26:23Hurrah!
26:25Blood!
26:27War!
26:28Death!
26:28My little story bunny!
26:33Macabu!
26:35My blood brother and my most loyal friend!
26:39You did it!
26:42Thanks to my trusty little kitchen knife!
26:45Thanks to my faithful one!
26:50Thanks to my faithful one!
26:54Thanks to my faithful one!
26:54Hey, wait a minute!
26:56What's going on here?
26:59Who are you?
27:01He is our son.
27:03That?
27:05Ah, yes, of course.
27:08Annie.
27:10My dear father, some letters have come to light that I believe will change things a little.
27:18Letters? What letters?
27:20They speak of certain acts of love between your wife and Donald, the cheerful dog from Scotland.
27:26Now, how I miss being in that kingdom between satin sheets where you and your king are the
27:33The only kings united in an act of consummated love?
27:38Huge Scotsman, etcetera, et cetera.
27:41Letters that are dated November and December 1460, which in relation to Harry's birth is exactly
27:49nine months earlier...
27:52After I was born.
27:56And about nine months before you were born, Edmund.
28:05Bastard!
28:06No, you're the bastard, Edmund.
28:11Silence!
28:12I demand an explanation!
28:16Gentlemen, the reason I have gathered you all here today is to ensure that justice is done.
28:24against this Scottish scoundrel who has clearly forged these fake letters.
28:31Let me see them.
28:32No, I will tear it in her face so that no trace of this dirty slander remains.
28:42You arrive so fresh and just for killing a couple of Turks when their backs were turned, do you think you can break
28:49the harmony of an entire kingdom?
28:52I challenge you to a duel.
28:54But strong!
28:57Okay, yes, fine.
28:58An excellent idea!
29:00After all, it's Saint Leonard's Day and there are supposed to be shows.
29:09Take your places!
29:15It's nice to see old Glintzy again, isn't it?
29:18Do you remember the night with Glintzy and the shift?
29:22How could I forget!
29:24Well, let the slaughter begin.
29:47Let's see how this black viper is destroyed!
29:51No!
29:51Be quiet!
29:53What's wrong? Why are you stopping?
29:55No! I'll give you everything I have. Everything!
29:59Yes, but I'm not a rich man.
30:02You're not a man!
30:03But my horse must be worth about a thousand ducats!
30:07I can sell my wardrobe, the pride of my life,
30:11my swords, my curtains, my socks and my fighting roosters.
30:17I can live without servants, except for the one who greases my torture rack.
30:22And my most intimate treasures, my collection of old condoms.
30:28Wigs for official celebrations, wigs for private occasions.
30:32The collection of anti-theft devices, my Grendel fabrics,
30:37all my underpants, my ornamental fruprus
30:40and also a miniature signed by Judas Iscariot.
30:51That's not enough!
30:54No!
30:55No, it's a joke!
30:57I'm really interested in wigs.
31:00A cambus!
31:05Hey!
31:07I hope you don't get too bored not being able to cross the Scottish border.
31:12Yeah.
31:14I wouldn't even take water to Scotland.
31:18Yes, Harry.
31:20I'm bored within these walls.
31:22But we're all so glad you're back, Dad.
31:25I don't.
31:26I miss the smell of blood in my nose.
31:29And the queen has a headache.
31:32Father, we have a fascinating week ahead of us.
31:35In fact, the Archbishop of York has asked me
31:38if you want to join their Italian dance class.
31:40And I think I should give him an answer.
31:43Do you want me to be honest or diplomatic?
31:45Diplomat.
31:46Tell him to go to hell!
31:49Good.
31:50Has that brute from Macambus left yet?
31:52No, Edmund is taking one last look around the castle.
31:54Do you see it?
31:56And look at this.
31:59I'll feel like I'm on the march.
32:00Yes, very interesting.
32:02Edmund too.
32:04They have become very good friends.
32:06What the heck!
32:08The Turks!
32:09The sewers!
32:10Father!
32:11Harry!
32:12There's been an unfortunate accident!
32:14You have to come right away!
32:16Oh my God!
32:16I'll need the plunger!
32:20No!
32:45No!
32:46No!
32:48No!
33:13No!
33:16No!
33:19No!
33:22Subscribe to the channel!