- 2 days ago
Gutfeld! (Full Episode) 6/22/26 | Breaking News June 22, 2026
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:16I know, I know, I know, you just wish it were you and me alone.
00:25Good evening, everyone.
00:26So on Friday, the Obama Presidential Library officially opened to the public.
00:32And what a crowd.
00:33Visitors had to wait up to three hours to get out.
00:40At the center's opening, Joe Biden was left standing awkwardly on stage and asking where his granddaughter was.
00:48Bill Clinton also asked where Biden's granddaughter was.
00:58In a recent interview, Kamala Harris told Don Lemon that, quote, we each have a light inside us.
01:05True.
01:06Hers is called Bud.
01:12Donald Trump says if Iran closes the Strait of Hormuz, he will blow.
01:16And these are his words.
01:18He will blow the out of them.
01:22Causing one man to say reporting for duty, sir.
01:31That's just some good fun.
01:34President Trump claims vandals turned the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool into a stinking lake of filthy, algae-clogged sludge.
01:44Which, as you know, was also Joy Behar's nickname in high school.
01:50I know.
01:53Long nicknames at that school.
01:56Sunday was the first day of summer.
01:59As a result, guess who just put a screen door on his coffin?
02:06A minor league baseball team forfeited a game because they wouldn't wear pride-themed jerseys.
02:12At first, I thought the players were overreacting until I saw the uniforms.
02:23China has unveiled a self-driving robot toilet that rolls up to your bed, cleans you, and then wipes itself
02:32off.
02:33Well, that'll eliminate one person from my staff.
02:40Sorry, Rico.
02:43Sunday was Father's Day, causing Ilhan Omar to ask her husband, what should we get, Dad?
02:53And finally, a former CIA officer claims the CIA can hack into a vehicle computer system, take control of it,
03:01and then cause it to crash.
03:03They call it Operation Asian Driver.
03:07All racists would say...
03:11How did that get in there?
03:13Oh, I got a racist on my staff again.
03:17All right.
03:18So the media has found another scummy life form to defend.
03:22In this case, it's literal scum.
03:25Algae.
03:26After Donald Trump cleaned the reflecting pool, which previously looked like the world's largest booger soup,
03:32the residue's back, turning the water green, and suddenly the media has found a new cause to champion.
03:38Forget violent crime, fraud, or the border.
03:42They never cared about that anyway.
03:43The media has found a new January 6th.
03:47And it's Shrek snot.
03:50The Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool renovation has turned into a big, expensive failure for Donald Trump.
03:58The pool is in the midst of its worst algae bloom in at least five years.
04:03This water is not clear.
04:04You can see all the debris still floating through the water here.
04:08Lots of it.
04:08Tonight, not only has the new blue turned green, tonight reports the new paint is now peeling.
04:13But if you take a look, not only has the green of the algae come back, but look at that
04:18American flag blue in the paint.
04:20It's actually starting to peel.
04:23Oh, my God.
04:24Especially when you pull it, you asshole.
04:31Thank you, Jonathan Karl.
04:35After four years of ignoring a president covered with mold, you cover the pool like you're Captain Ahab in hip
04:43waders, trying to give Aquaman a prostate exam.
04:48Then there's CNN, who after five years of watching their ratings plunge to the bottom of a well, is now
04:54testing the pool's phosphate levels.
04:57And we're going to scoop up a water sample to see if we can get this tested.
05:04CNN independently took the sample of water and consulted with a pool store that regularly tests water to help read
05:11the results.
05:12It showed phosphate levels far higher than what is recommended to keep algae at bay based on estimates for a
05:19pool that holds 6.5 million gallons of water.
05:23Oh, my God.
05:25Where was that reporting when Joe tried to wander off into the rainforest?
05:31It's amazing how CNN can track algae growth, but somehow missed that the last president spent four years photosynthesizing.
05:42What's next?
05:43Maybe they'll send Anderson Cooper to assess the National Mall's men's room.
05:49But I fear he might never come back.
05:52So you're all scientists now.
05:55Hmm.
05:56We tested the phosphate levels and consulted with a pool store, a pool store.
06:03Hell, I wonder who they consult with over crime.
06:07The bad guy store.
06:11Funny how you never see this effort when it's not about Trump.
06:14You didn't test the water when millions of gallons of raw sewage spilled into the Potomac.
06:19Granted, everyone knew it was from the time Jerry Nadler forgot his lactose pills.
06:26And he spent more time on Palestine than East Palestine.
06:30Nevertheless, the party's crackpots, they're eating it up.
06:34Let's go.
06:35Algae.
06:36Let's go.
06:37Algae.
06:38Let's go.
06:39Algae.
06:39Let's go.
06:40Algae.
06:41Let's go.
06:42Algae.
06:43Let's go.
06:44Algae.
06:45God sent the algae.
06:47Don't blame God.
06:48It's really him.
06:49That's great.
06:51Al Gore thinks it's about him.
06:56But why not?
06:57I mean, pro-algae is their brand.
06:59Think of the usual pawn scum they defend.
07:03Hamas, Luigi Mangione, Carmelo Anthony.
07:06But this is yet more proof the left will take up any cause as long as it's against Trump.
07:12If he cured cancer, they complain about unemployed oncologists.
07:16Because anything even remotely linked to the president takes absolute precedence over actual
07:21problems, even the ones he's trying to clean up.
07:24Suddenly, pool algae is bigger than Somali daycare fraud.
07:27Lakin Reilly, COVID cash grabs in four years and Biden playing hide and seek with his brain.
07:35Fact is, Trump has D.C. looking its cleanest in decades.
07:39Violent crime has plummeted.
07:41Trump's restored monuments, statues and fountains, including the reflecting pool.
07:46They tear down monuments.
07:48Trump tries to fix them.
07:49And yet the response isn't celebration.
07:51It's vandalism, more vandalism of beauty.
07:55Fountains defaced, pools destroyed, all out of spite for Trump.
07:59Just weeks ago, a huge 8647 appeared on the National Mall lawn, a threat to the president's
08:05life etched in grass.
08:08And here we thought they were so green, cared about the environment.
08:12In a way, though, they are, since algae is the perfect analogy for leftism.
08:16It never creates anything good.
08:18Instead, they grow on top of what's already beautiful, applying a layer of slime to things
08:23they cannot create themselves.
08:24Hell, they'd rather deep throat a hose from a porta potty than admit that nice things matter.
08:34And their envy, like pond scum, multiplies while they laugh at people trying to clean it up.
08:39Meanwhile, the Interior Department says several suspects have been arrested for allegedly vandalizing
08:44the pool.
08:45And so Trump cleaning the pool turns out to be the perfect metaphor for him draining the
08:50D.C. swamp.
08:51The only resistance, it turns out, are scum.
08:59All right, let's welcome tonight's guest.
09:04In high school, even the marching band avoided being seen with him.
09:08Comedian Joe Mackey.
09:14She makes so many great points, she's not allowed near hemophiliacs.
09:19It's co-host of the Party Lines podcast and Republican strategist Aaron McGuire.
09:25He only hires a babysitter when his kids aren't home.
09:30Comedian Adam Hunter.
09:34And she still buys Barbies just to wear her pants.
09:38New York Times bestselling author, Fox News contributor, Kat Tiv.
09:47Joe, I can't help but notice you're dressed up tonight.
09:51I look good, Greg.
09:52You look great.
09:53Fantastic.
09:54You know, it must be a special night.
09:56It's my birthday, Greg.
09:58Congratulations.
10:03So what are you, 16, 17?
10:07Hearty heart, Greg.
10:08I've gone through puberty.
10:09This is it.
10:12Now, I heard a rumor that a big birthday gift from your parents is that you're finally getting your own
10:17room.
10:22I was actually, I'm free later if you want to hang out.
10:25Oh, I wish I could, but, you know, I'm a very busy person.
10:32I hope you do have plans for your birthday.
10:34I wanted to be on the number one braided talk show, but they canceled Colbert.
10:39Boom, gotcha.
10:46So let's talk about the topic at hand.
10:49Vandalism, algae, the reflecting pool.
10:51Where do you stand on this important issue, Joe?
10:54I think if you're rooting for algae, that's worse than rooting for Kenny G, Greg.
10:58I don't care for it at all.
11:00But it's fascinating to me that the media is spending so much time covering this when there's so many interesting
11:05stories that they're not covering.
11:07Like Tulsi Gabbard basically said we're funding biolabs overseas.
11:12And she released some pretty damning evidence about our involvement with COVID.
11:16And that was met with silence.
11:18And I don't know about the audience, but COVID was a huge impact on my life.
11:22And it was all negative.
11:23And it seems like we've just moved past it.
11:25But we're testing algae in a pool.
11:27And no wonder people trust a guy like Nick Shirley with one camera.
11:32Some 20-something-year-old man just going up with a camera is doing more investigative journalism than CNN is
11:39doing at all.
11:40It's ridiculous.
11:41If you're rooting for algae, if you're watching CNN, your problem is that there's algae in your brain.
11:54Excellent point.
11:55Excellent point.
11:56Yeah, you know, they told us that COVID was going to kill everybody and you're still here.
12:04I've got to show up for work, boss.
12:07Aaron, how do you describe this thing where it's like, just because it's Trump who fixed the pool, I take
12:18pleasure in the pool being green.
12:20Yeah, it's called insanity.
12:21And it also means that everybody watching, you don't hate Washington, D.C. enough.
12:26If you are watching this, those protesters out there, the way the media are all tripping over each other to
12:32scoop up the old water out of the reflecting pool.
12:35Didn't see them doing this at any point previously.
12:37And to your point in the larger package here, D.C. has actually never looked better.
12:41I have to be completely honest and objective.
12:44The parks are cleaner.
12:45Meridian Park in D.C. has water flowing for the first time in decades.
12:49It's safer in the city.
12:50But the moment the media thinks that they finally got one on Trump, like, aha, we knew you couldn't fix
12:56this one thing.
12:57They're out there on their hands and knees like insane people scooping water out of a pond in the middle
13:04of D.C.
13:05Here's a fun thing to investigate.
13:07I don't know.
13:08Maybe Fauci did hide government secrets from the president of the United States during the global pandemic.
13:13Or maybe there are other myriad of things to cover, like the socialist takeover of the Democrat Party in the
13:19primaries across the country.
13:20But, hey, if what your viewers want to see is you knee deep in water in Washington, D.C.,
13:25I think that explains a lot more about what that audience wants than what the actual news is in this
13:30country.
13:31Amen.
13:32You know, it's also just an easier story to cover.
13:40No thinking.
13:40If you work at the CNN New York office, you just go down and, like, act like this is an
13:46important news story.
13:47I would have had so much respect for Jonathan Karl if he drank from the fountain.
13:52Adam, I assume you have at least three excellent jokes about vandalism and algae.
13:58I would like to hear them now in an order of less funny to most funny.
14:04Well, listen, no, what you were saying was absolutely right, Greg.
14:06Like, Trump could cure cancer and people would be outside going, free the tumors, you know.
14:12And they'd be like, he only cares about the white blood cells.
14:15He's racist, you know.
14:18They would say, all cells matter.
14:20It's just, and it is ridiculous.
14:23And by, but, like, listen, let's be honest, though.
14:26He spent $15 million to clean this pool.
14:28I know three Mexican guys from where I live.
14:32They could knock this out.
14:33$50, a six-pack.
14:36True.
14:37You just have to watch.
14:39They've got some kids you've got to babysit.
14:40But, no, I honestly, what was really sad, though, Greg, is that there was a duck.
14:46They found a dead duck in the pool today.
14:49And the duck's last words were, Aflac!
14:54Come on.
14:55Okay, so.
14:57But what he was saying, you're right.
15:00You mean Joe?
15:00Joe, yes, Joe, yes.
15:02The lesbian.
15:02Okay, but what Joe was saying.
15:04No, but what Joe was saying about Tulsi Gabbard, he's absolutely right.
15:10I mean, it is the biggest story right now.
15:12No one is even covering it.
15:14And COVID did affect my life.
15:16I remember my wife had COVID, and we had to do it doggy style so she wouldn't breathe on me.
15:23And so, you introduced that topic.
15:27We had to work all the way to get to that punchline.
15:30Yeah.
15:31Well, it was hard because I couldn't sit for two weeks.
15:37All right.
15:38It was worth it.
15:41I'm going to give Byron Allen your phone number.
15:43Sorry.
15:45He already lost it.
15:47All right, Kat.
15:48What do you think of the analogy as the perfect metaphor for DC?
15:52Things that just grow on stuff.
15:54Although algae is really productive.
15:56It's quite a biofuel.
15:57Did you know that?
15:59Well, look, I'm just trying to understand, like, what happens to you in your life where you are leaving your
16:07house to go cheer for algae to the algae.
16:12Yeah.
16:12It can't hear you.
16:14Yes.
16:16And they made signs.
16:18Yes, they did.
16:19For the algae, and it can't see.
16:21Yes.
16:23Algae is illiterate.
16:24But they could have cheered from the algae from their homes, and it would have been just as impactful.
16:30Yes.
16:31And I don't really understand.
16:33Okay, so at the core of this, I suppose, I mean, I guess it's a Trump thing, and it's summertime,
16:40so maybe that's why this has gotten so much attention.
16:43But at the core, what people are reporting on here is a government project that was expensive and might need
16:51more money spent on it.
16:53You can notice that.
16:54However, I have some news for you about every government project ever, which is kind of what many of us
17:01have been talking about for years, if not decades.
17:04Yeah.
17:05But yet, this is the first one where they're like, oh, well, they spent all this money, and now, look,
17:10they're going to have to spend more.
17:11It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:12That's what a lot of us have been talking about.
17:14But it's very telling for many of these people.
17:16This is, like, the first one that they've ever cared about.
17:19Yeah, it's too bad.
17:20You know, Trump should be for every social program.
17:24That way, the Democrats might actually care about the waste, fraud, and abuse.
17:29They go, hold on a second.
17:30But no, he cleans a pond, and that's when they care about spending.
17:34All right, enough from me.
17:37Up next, Kamala still makes no sense.
17:53A meeting of the minds from two horses behinds.
17:58The woman who, in a heinous alternate universe, could have been our president at this very moment.
18:03Join Don Lemon to talk about hope and your eternal light.
18:08Roll it, Paco.
18:09I really, truly believe this.
18:11We each have light inside of us.
18:15And we need to know that that is what inspires our hope as much as anything external to ourselves.
18:22And when we feel that and not allow an election or an individual to dampen that light,
18:31and instead let that light kind of carry us in particular through moments of darkness,
18:36that we not only act on that hope, but we inspire that hope in each other.
18:44And in particular at this moment, it is so important that we not only have hope, but that we understand
18:54that that should be a verb.
19:01All right, hotel bar lady.
19:04Does she know the guy she's trying to pick up is gay?
19:09The only hope that I'm getting is that somebody took her keys.
19:14But you know what could make that clip even better?
19:19Bongos.
19:20I really, truly believe this.
19:22I really, truly believe this.
19:22We each have light inside of us.
19:26And we need to know that that is what inspires our hope as much as anything external to ourselves.
19:33And when we feel that and not allow an election or an individual to dampen that light,
19:41and instead let that light kind of carry us in particular through moments of darkness,
19:46that we not only act on that hope, but we inspire that hope in each other.
20:00I think it's important that you reminded everybody that hope can be a verb.
20:05It is important, yes.
20:06The English language remains difficult for Kamala Harris,
20:09and the fact that hope is already a verb seems to have escaped her.
20:13But as the word salad chef she is, does she ever get to the point?
20:18Good Lord, she just sat there for 30 seconds and said absolutely nothing.
20:23And even with the bongos, managed to effectuate no point whatsoever.
20:31She reminds me when we used to get drunk and go grocery shopping.
20:35I just could never get out of the supermarket.
20:37I would just be going from aisle to aisle to aisle,
20:41and then I would forget why I was there.
20:43It's like she ate a magical brownie before she wandered through the grocery store
20:46and was like, ooh, cookie dough, ooh, chips, cat litter, hose,
20:50like just wandering around.
20:52And you're like, what were you here for, ma'am?
20:54And is there an adult to take you home?
20:56Exactly.
20:57So, Adam, I love, the best part about that is,
21:00that's the first time I've ever seen Don Lemon with his mouth closed.
21:06Well, the interesting part is that the question Don asked her was,
21:08what do you want for lunch?
21:11Um, but yeah, I mean, Kamala, every time she speaks,
21:14she's reminded that not only did she fail the bar, she moved in.
21:19What do you know the craziest part is that she's in first place in the Democrats?
21:24Yes.
21:25She's number one.
21:26Like, she's leading the pack.
21:29It's her, and then it's Gavin Newsom,
21:31and then there's Mayor Pete, who's a power bottom.
21:38Cat, you want to go?
21:40Cat, pretend none of that ever happened.
21:44Yeah.
21:45When you think, do you ever try to imagine who she thinks she's talking to?
21:49Uh-huh.
21:50You know, it's like, who does she believe actually is listening to this?
21:54Other than people like us who are laughing.
21:56She has this, it could almost be a gift.
22:01Yeah.
22:01The English language, where when she starts speaking it,
22:05I kind of wonder if maybe I don't.
22:08Yeah.
22:10You know?
22:11I'm like, I'm not understanding this.
22:13Is there something wrong with me?
22:16Yes.
22:17And I think that that's what happens to a lot of people who are listening to her,
22:21because as it goes on,
22:23it's physically not possible to continue to listen.
22:27Yeah.
22:27And then they're just like, okay, and they just want to move to the next one,
22:30and they hope that with the next one, it'll start to become English.
22:34Yes.
22:35The kind of English that you started the conversation believing that you knew.
22:39Mm-hmm.
22:40Because she could be taken down, I've been saying this forever,
22:42by one simple phrase that no one ever asks her,
22:46which is a simple, what do you mean by that?
22:48Yes.
22:49No one ever says, what do you mean by that?
22:54And then she would say, this interview is over.
22:57Because it's like, yes, hope is a verb.
22:59How many times a day do people say, I hope?
23:01It's one of the most common phrases in the English language,
23:04but because it seems like she's saying something profound,
23:07you're like, wait, do I know what those words mean?
23:09It makes you feel like something's wrong with you.
23:12It's all gaslighting, Kat.
23:14This is what most men do to women in this country.
23:16You don't know what it means.
23:18All right, all right.
23:19Save it.
23:20Save it for your little hen house.
23:23Joe.
23:25Welcome to the show.
23:27Go, Joe.
23:28Kat's right.
23:29I say, I hope I get a raise at my writing job all the time.
23:34But every time I hear Kamala, I think this is how I would talk
23:39if no one ever told me I was an idiot.
23:41Because that's what happens.
23:43No one's ever told her an idiot.
23:45I hear that all the time.
23:46You're an idiot.
23:47I think you might be a serial killer.
23:50Kiss me, you fool.
23:51But it's the same kind of it's the same kind of stuff that always is always a Dodd-Kamala.
23:57Because when I see a Democrat I disagree with, I can still often see why they succeeded.
24:02Like AOC, she doesn't seem that bright, but she relates to her constituents.
24:06She's kind of cute.
24:07She's good at social media.
24:08Kamala, I think she succeeded because other politicians think, well, I'll look smart next to her.
24:14Right.
24:14Right, exactly.
24:15Yeah, and boy, yeah, that's why Joe picked her.
24:18For sure.
24:19He had no other choices.
24:20All right, up next, a dumb news report.
24:38What kind of ass wants more broken glass?
24:44A local Oakland TV station did a report on the negative impact that less crime is having on the community.
24:51Yeah, the negative impact.
24:54Specifically how a big drop in car break-ins affects the window repair industry.
25:00Roll it, Doug.
25:01If there is any break-ins, vandalism, that segment of my business has been down about 30%.
25:07Business is down substantially.
25:09About 35%.
25:1135 to 40.
25:13Wow.
25:13Yeah, it's a lot.
25:15We've taken quite a hit.
25:16The reason for the decline could be linked to several factors, including a corresponding decrease in auto break-ins.
25:22According to the Oakland Police Department crime dashboard, those types of crimes are down 37% year-to-date.
25:29The cumulative effect is a positive for the city, a negative for some businesses.
25:35Oh, that's terrible.
25:39Poor guys.
25:41So, you know, a whole report dedicated on the harmful effects of crime being down.
25:45Shouldn't fewer auto break-ins be celebrated?
25:49Next, they'll be talking about how the drop in murders has undertakers using their hearses for Uber.
25:57Adam.
25:58Yes.
25:59Are you still breaking into cars?
26:00Sometimes.
26:01By the way, that reporter had sunglasses on, which is kind of funny.
26:05I never saw a reporter with sunglasses on.
26:08But, yeah, I mean, it is out of control as far as, like, I mean, what kind of, like, are
26:15we going to celebrate homeless people because it leads to more sales in tents?
26:18Yeah.
26:19I mean, like, this is actually, it's a good thing that there's less crime.
26:22In fact, I was home a couple years ago.
26:24It was July 4th.
26:25And all of a sudden, I hear, errrr, and somebody drove into my house.
26:28Really?
26:29Yeah.
26:29I swear to God, I run outside.
26:31I see a car lodged into my house.
26:33I'm like, are you okay?
26:34And the guy's like, all right.
26:36He takes off running.
26:37He now works for DoorDash.
26:39And, um, no, this is a true story.
26:41And they never actually found the guy.
26:43Really?
26:44I found the guy in two minutes.
26:45I actually, I showed you the news story.
26:46You're like, we've got to play this on the show.
26:47But you never did when I emailed you.
26:49Yeah.
26:51Who is this person again?
26:53Did you have him on?
26:56Kat, this is kind of, um, do you think this is good reporting to show the other side that there's
27:03a tradeoff?
27:04I think it's summer reporting.
27:06Yeah.
27:08It's summer reporting.
27:10Everyone's on vacation.
27:11And they're like, what do we do?
27:12Like, like everyone was off.
27:14And they're like, I guess this.
27:15And one of the business owners, I even looked it up, said it's a surprise, but it's a good surprise.
27:20So I don't think it's fair to say that they're celebrating it.
27:24They're more noticing it.
27:26But also, like, that should be implied.
27:30Yeah.
27:30It is a little strange.
27:32It is a little strange.
27:33Because obviously, right, if nobody got sick anymore, we wouldn't need doctors.
27:36Like, for us, when something horrible happens in the news, we get the day off.
27:41Like, there are all these things that exist because bad stuff happens.
27:45And then there's some sort of, it's just a weird thing to acknowledge.
27:49But I don't think the business owners were saying that they want crime.
27:52And it's so weird.
27:53Imagine somebody comes into your place of work.
27:56Imagine you're off because there's a horrible news tragedy.
27:58And you're like, yeah, I'm off today.
28:00And everyone's like, he's celebrating it.
28:01Well, I don't think they were just more so acknowledging it than celebrating it.
28:05Joe, could this be the whole impetus behind progressivism?
28:08That the chaos and destruction they cause leads to work and profits for the people who replace and repair the
28:16damages?
28:16It could be great because everything that happens has a winner and a loser.
28:21Just like I remember how you complained about the Endangered Species Act.
28:24Sure, it protects a lot of animals from extinction.
28:27But it made your rhinoceros snakes a whole lot more expensive.
28:31That is true.
28:33That is true.
28:35But yeah, I mean, it's an interesting take.
28:37I think, you know, everyone hears about the victims of crime, but we never hear about the victims of not
28:42crime.
28:43I mean, auto shops are struggling right now because there's less of break-ins for the glass.
28:51And Tiger Woods was off the road for a few months there.
28:53Yes.
28:57It is true.
28:58I mean, the whole system of pawn shops exists on like...
29:04People who are down on their luck.
29:05Yeah, but they're stealing.
29:08Like, a lot of people go in with stuff they stole.
29:10I don't know.
29:11That's not all pawn shops.
29:13Erin, you're an expert on pawn shops, aren't you?
29:15Nope.
29:15Never been to one.
29:16Not about to go right now.
29:18I will say my favorite part of this reporting is the very end of the video package when they ask
29:22one of the shop owners, you know, what do you do?
29:25He's like, oh, don't worry.
29:26There's still plenty of windshield damage from the roads themselves and from debris smashing windshields.
29:32So don't worry, California.
29:33They still haven't fixed the potholes anywhere.
29:35Your windshield's still going to get cracked.
29:37It won't be a break-in.
29:38It'll just be the crappy transportation system.
29:40Well done.
29:40That is a great point.
29:42All these commercials for windshields.
29:45Yes.
29:45That's because we have crappy roads.
29:47Yes.
29:48The little debris, a little rock, a little something pops up and cracks your windshield.
29:51That's how they're going to keep it going, California.
29:53Ah, the windshield industrial complex.
29:56Not like the old days.
29:58I drove for three weeks with a body on my windshield.
30:02That sounds like vehicular homicide and the police might be looking for you.
30:07Nah, nah, nah.
30:09Just a postal worker.
30:10All right.
30:12Coming up, the return of Rosie.
30:16A story in five words.
30:23Unhinged host taps unhingier fill in.
30:27All right, Kat.
30:28So this is an interesting story.
30:29Jimmy Kimmel announced he's taking two months off.
30:33Two months off.
30:35Oh, plus.
30:36And his guest host, one of them, will be Rosie O'Donnell.
30:41Now, this is kind of, do you think this is a choice not for the audience but for himself?
30:46Exactly.
30:47It's like you would, imagine you picking somebody to get back at an ex-boyfriend.
30:52That is what it is.
30:54Yeah.
30:54It really lays bare what he sees the show as.
30:59And it's not, I'd like to make people laugh.
31:02Yeah.
31:02That's not what it is.
31:04It is, you can see him getting so excited about it, right?
31:07Yeah.
31:08You can see him being like, oh, I know how I'm going to get him.
31:10Yeah.
31:10But that's what the show is.
31:11I know how I'm going to get him.
31:13Right.
31:13That's what the whole show is at this point.
31:15I know how I'm going to get Donald Trump.
31:17The best thing Trump could do would just be completely ignore it.
31:20Yeah, but he won't.
31:21But he can't do that.
31:22But he can't do that.
31:24But that's what he knows is going to happen.
31:27But you're absolutely right.
31:28It's really laid bare.
31:31And we've all known this for a long time.
31:33But it doesn't get more glaring.
31:34I mean, you're going to book it, what, an international?
31:36Isn't she still in Ireland?
31:37An international ticket.
31:38She left.
31:39For her to come here to do this because every day you wake up and think, I'm going to get
31:45him.
31:45Yeah, it's crazy.
31:49Joe, think about this.
31:50Rosie O'Donnell left because her TDS, she admits, was bad for her mental state.
31:56She needed to leave the country.
31:58And Kimmel is, like, dangling the drug that the addict should not be near.
32:04It's like, come back.
32:05I'll give you this, like, Trump fentanyl.
32:09That's what he's doing.
32:11It's actually mean to her.
32:12Well, I don't ever believe that was real to begin with.
32:15I think Rosie did it for attention.
32:17I don't think that using Rosie O'Donnell to make someone jealous is a strategy that would work on any of
32:23my exes.
32:28They would take me back.
32:29They'd feel sorry for me.
32:32But, you know, you should pick a host who's going to make your audience happy, the people who watch happy,
32:37not one guy who doesn't watch happy.
32:39And credit to you for giving guest hosts spots to people that the audience want to see that sometimes even
32:46outshine you.
32:47Yeah.
33:01All right.
33:02You get one suit on sale from today's man.
33:07And what do you make of this move?
33:09Kind of weird.
33:10It is weird.
33:11It's thirsty.
33:12It's desperate.
33:13And I know millennials and our pop culture is now the way to bring in viewers, right?
33:18We're the halftime show of the Super Bowls now, generally speaking.
33:21Our nostalgia is the era that people are marketing toward.
33:24But we could have picked a better 90s TV host.
33:28Let's bring back some Maury.
33:30How about some Sally Jessie Raphael?
33:32She's dead.
33:32What about a little Ricky Lake?
33:34Okay.
33:35She's not.
33:35R.I.P.
33:36Sally Jessie probably would be better than Rosie on every day anyway.
33:40Like, we can do that.
33:42Either way, there were so many great 90s hosts.
33:45I feel like we could find somebody better than Rosie, who's—I feel bad for her.
33:50The only reason she's being trotted out isn't because they think she's the funniest or the one who's going to
33:55do the best.
33:56They think she's the one that's going to make the president the maddest.
33:59And Jimmy Kimmel's like, ho-hum, look at me.
34:01If that's the best you're going to serve, good luck, buddy.
34:04This is why he's a dying breed out there at this point.
34:06Yeah.
34:07He should have gone for Byron Allen.
34:09Oh, my God.
34:10Look, I am all for this.
34:13I mean, finally, someone with balls.
34:17But—
34:18Nice.
34:19But I think this is a perfect because you got, like, you know, one who's a lesbian, angry, Trump-hating
34:26person, and the other is Rosie O'Donnell.
34:33But I think that this is—I think people are going to be confused because they're going to be like, why
34:37is Rudy Giuliani hosting the show right now?
34:41I should have stuck with two.
34:43Yeah.
34:43But, yeah.
34:44You know who's actually happy, though, is people in Ireland.
34:47Yeah.
34:48They're actually thrilled.
34:49They haven't been this glad since happy hour.
34:52And I'm happy for them.
34:54All right.
34:54Up next, does a messy car hurt your love life?
35:04No, no, no.
35:06No, no, no.
35:09No, no, no.
35:24Until the sky stays here, the May in it
35:27Until in the sky there will be more power
35:31Those walls fall down in the last February
35:36We will bring the thoughts to the summer wind
35:41Where the wind will come with you
35:46In the day and night I lost my heart for you
35:50To the land of love and the relationship news
35:55Join us, won't you, in Greg's Romance Corner
36:02Messy car means messy romance
36:05Joe, a new survey says many singles judge potential partners
36:08By how clean their car is
36:1073% believe a messy car means the person does not take good care of themselves
36:15Or their life
36:16Now, you live in your car
36:18So, do you go out of your way to keep it especially clean
36:21In case that one moment strikes where you might have a date?
36:25Greg, I'm so confident I keep my car intentionally messy
36:29To thin the herd a little bit
36:34If they complain about the car, they're out
36:37If they start cleaning, I might put out
36:42But I don't think this study is accurate at all
36:46Because, I mean, you're married and you drive a windowless van
36:49That is
36:53Erin, Erin, Erin, you're engaged
36:56Did you get married?
36:56Married, yeah
37:09You're married
37:10Ashley, I'm going to say
37:11Ew, you're a slob kebab
37:12No one's interested in that
37:13A slob kebab?
37:14Yeah
37:14Oh, that's a cute little phrase
37:16That sounds delicious
37:17Yeah
37:20It does
37:22It's one way to solve the homeless problem
37:24Oh my God
37:27Wow
37:28That was not
37:29By serving them kebabs
37:33Made of people
37:34No
37:35That was from the movie
37:38Adam, you also live in your car
37:40With Joe
37:41Yes
37:44Who does the housework?
37:46It's his birthday, so I'll take care of it
37:49No, but if I see a girl who has a disgusting car, is not taken care of, I think I
37:55have a shot
37:55Yeah
37:58That is true
37:59Because she makes bad decisions
38:00Yes
38:02What's one more?
38:05That is so true
38:07Messy car, psychopath
38:09Hey, I'm right up in there
38:10Kat, you are the messy person
38:13You're messy, yeah
38:14Yeah, you're the messy one
38:15When my husband first came over, when we first started dating, he hired a cleaning person to come to my
38:20apartment so he'd feel comfortable coming over
38:23Really?
38:24Which, what a power move, because now if I don't clean, I get to hit him with, you know who
38:28you married
38:28Yeah
38:30Right? I never, I never pretended
38:34Intended to be, and I'm not like disgusting with like food and stuff like that, but clutter, yes
38:39I'm, I prefer the term, um, clutter bug, because it sounds cute
38:43Yeah, like, uh, slob
38:45Anyone can use that, clutter bug, just a clutter bug
38:47Yeah, clutter bug
38:48I'm just cute
38:49Medically, they call it a hoarder
38:52I'm not, how do you use the toilet with all these newspapers stacked up like this? Oh, I cut a
38:59hole, goes all the way down
39:01But it's a power move, it's a power move, you need to, you need to just, just like, yeah, I'm
39:06messy, and what of it? The right person won't care, in my opinion, for my life
39:11I used to leave something in the car on purpose, just to see if they'd notice, like a bag of
39:14wigs
39:18They'd go, what's that? Oh, it's just my wigs
39:20Do you have a problem with that?
39:23We'll be right back
39:24Yeah
39:25Thank you
39:26Thank you
39:26Thank you
Comments