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Touched by a Pig The Steve Harvey Show FULL EPISODE S5E5 Throwback TV
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00:01Cedric Jackie Robinson!
00:03How can you just let this woman mess up her happy home?
00:06You promised me you would never see her again.
00:09Honey, Bump, I never promised that.
00:11She my grandmama.
00:14Cedric, it's bad enough that you're going out of town
00:16for that coaches' convention.
00:18How can you just leave me alone with Grandma pudding again?
00:22You know that old whiskey sponge hates me.
00:27She doesn't hate you, Vita.
00:30Look, I promise, when I get back,
00:33I'm going to take you to Sizzler.
00:35Baby, you can have your own tray.
00:40Oh, sonny!
00:55Boy.
00:57Ooh!
00:57Ooh!
01:02Ooh!
01:13Ooh!
01:13Ooh!
01:14Ooh!
01:16Ooh!
01:18Ooh!
01:18Deep thinking black Adonis.
01:22seeks intelligent, God-fearing woman
01:24who's fond of sex in public places.
01:28I hear you.
01:33What's up, boys?
01:35Remember when you told us if we ever needed anything,
01:37we could come to you?
01:39No.
01:42Well, remember when you said
01:43if there was anything really important that we needed,
01:46that you had our backs?
01:48No, don't remember that either.
01:51Well, how about the time you said...
01:52Oh, what you want, boy?
01:55Mr. Hightower, we're trying to put together
01:56a senior class trip to the cool new amusement park,
01:59but we need a chaperone.
02:02Oh, no. Ain't no way.
02:04Because I heard about your last field trip to the zoo.
02:07You boys had no business
02:09dangling little Kyle Potter in that tiger's cave.
02:14Hello, Mr. Hightower.
02:16Here's some muffins for our chaperone.
02:20Now, you see that, boys?
02:21That's how you suck up.
02:24So you'll chaperone?
02:25Hell no.
02:30Man, what a chip.
02:32And I was gonna break my record
02:33and eat 19 frozen bananas.
02:37Hey, I have an idea.
02:38You know how Mr. Hightower practically
02:40lives out of his briefcase, right?
02:42Well, what if we took it?
02:43Then we could ransom it
02:45and get Mr. Hightower to do what we want.
02:47A briefcase napping.
02:49I like it.
02:51Hey, Lydia,
02:52you got some delinquent tendencies after all.
02:55Really?
02:56Does this mean you accept me?
02:58I finally belong somewhere?
03:00No.
03:01Come on, bullet head.
03:11Damn, Regina.
03:12You were sitting in that same spot
03:14when I left this morning.
03:15Regina, have you left that couch at all?
03:18What's the point?
03:19The whole city hates me.
03:21They all blame me
03:23for killing the next Kobe Bryant.
03:25Yesterday,
03:26that old Jehovah Witness lady,
03:28she gave me the finger.
03:31Steve, I don't have anything to go out for
03:35except tomorrow.
03:36See, right there.
03:37You do have something to look forward to.
03:39Something that'll help you
03:40take your mind off losing Jordan.
03:41Okay, now where you going?
03:42To the reading of Jordan's will.
03:46Steve, I don't want anything.
03:49Just my Jordan back.
03:51Oh, come on, Regina.
03:52Now, look, I understand,
03:54but I always say
03:56if one must mourn,
03:59why not do it
04:00in the butter-soft leather
04:01of a Bentley kooks?
04:05Steve, I don't want Jordan's money,
04:07and whatever he leaves me
04:08is going to be donated to charity.
04:11Charity?
04:15Are you so blinded by grief
04:17that you would give your money
04:19to the needy and less fortunate?
04:23Jordan didn't know them people.
04:26You are clearly
04:28not in your right mind.
04:30So I'm going down
04:31to that wheel reading with you.
04:33Really, Steve?
04:34Yeah.
04:39Y'all got to hide me
04:40from Grandma Puddin'.
04:42You know where you going off to?
04:46Hello, Steven.
04:48Oh, hello there, Grandma Puddin'.
04:50Hey, you remember Regina, don't you?
04:52Oh, yes, you that lovely mixed girl
04:54that married the basketball player.
04:57He dead, ain't he?
05:00Yes, Grandma Puddin'.
05:01Thank you for reminding me.
05:03Mm-hmm.
05:04I read it in jet
05:05that you killed them in bed.
05:08Lord, I ruined
05:10a many a conk in my day,
05:12but I ain't never put it
05:14on a man like that.
05:17Please accept my condolences.
05:20Mm-hmm.
05:22I see you ain't wasting
05:23no time finding yourself
05:24a replacement.
05:26Trading down, ain't you?
05:33LaVita,
05:35get this walking
05:36Negro spiritual
05:37out my apartment.
05:47Mr. Hightower,
05:48you wanted to talk to us?
05:48Yeah, somebody stole
05:49my briefcase.
05:51I am shocked.
05:54I'm speechless.
05:56Although I'm not totally
05:57speechless since I said
05:57I was speechless,
05:58but I'm...
05:58Boy, shut up.
06:01Whoever stole it
06:02left a note.
06:03It says,
06:04if you want to see
06:04your briefcase alive,
06:06do as we say.
06:07Wait for further
06:08instructions.
06:09Peace out.
06:10Your briefcase abductors.
06:14I'm sorry about
06:15your briefcase,
06:15but what do you
06:16want us to do?
06:17Well, if you didn't do it,
06:18then you know who did.
06:19I just need your help
06:21in getting it back.
06:22That briefcase
06:23and its contents
06:24are very private
06:25and extremely important
06:26to me.
06:27You mean you want us
06:28to rat and spy
06:30on our fellow students?
06:31I'll give you a dollar.
06:32Whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:35No?
06:36I got a better idea.
06:38How about you give us
06:39three quarters,
06:41two dimes,
06:42and the nickel?
06:54You wanted to see me,
06:55Mr. Hightower?
06:56Because if it's
06:57about the briefcase,
06:58I didn't take it.
06:59I know nothing.
07:00Nothing, I tell you.
07:04I just called you in
07:06to see if you wanted
07:06to earn some extra credits
07:08doing some filing
07:08because we're a little
07:09backed up.
07:10Yes, filing.
07:12I'd love to.
07:13Filing's good.
07:15Can I go now?
07:18No.
07:19Not quite, Lydia.
07:21You know,
07:22since you've mentioned
07:22my briefcase,
07:23would you happen to know
07:25anything about it?
07:26No.
07:27I said I don't
07:28know anything.
07:31Romeo and bullethead
07:32don't have it.
07:37Thank you, Lydia.
07:39You can go now.
07:48I played it cool
07:49as a cucumber,
07:50but I think
07:51Mr. Hightower
07:51may be on to us.
07:53I'm telling you guys,
07:54we were way too far
07:55sending those Polaroids.
07:56We need to give up.
07:57I agree with bullethead.
07:59I'm a young black male.
08:00Next thing you know,
08:01the police are involved
08:02and Jesse Jackson's
08:03coming up with words
08:04that rhyme with Romeo.
08:05Oh, I knew
08:06these weaklings would crack.
08:07This is what happens
08:09when a mastermind like me
08:10plans a caper
08:11with you amateurs.
08:12Look, let's make the drop
08:13before you two
08:14burst into tears
08:15like my dad
08:16when Rahim picks up
08:17my sister
08:18in his big red expedition.
08:27Mrs. Maddox,
08:28please, come in.
08:29Hi.
08:29This is my friend,
08:30Steve Hightower.
08:32Where is everyone else?
08:34No one wanted to be
08:35in the same room with you,
08:36so we had a separate
08:37reading this morning.
08:39Per your instructions,
08:42Mr. Maddox's estate
08:42has been donated to charity.
08:46Oh.
08:47Excuse me, attorney,
08:49player, whatever.
08:51I want to object
08:52to this craziness here.
08:53The woman ain't
08:53in the right mind.
08:54I'd like to request
08:55a sidebar.
08:56No.
08:58As I was saying,
09:00it was Mr. Maddox's wish
09:01that you receive
09:01the possession
09:02he held closest
09:03to his heart,
09:04his beloved Bentley.
09:07Bentley.
09:07Yes!
09:08Oh, Bentley!
09:08That's great.
09:09We'll be able to sell
09:10that puppy
09:10and make all kinds
09:11of money.
09:13So what color is it?
09:14Why don't you
09:15see for yourself?
09:17Jennifer,
09:18we're ready.
09:20May I present
09:22Bentley?
09:39I don't know
09:40how much longer
09:41that drunk doorman
09:41is going to believe
09:42that pig
09:43is our C&I dog.
09:47Tell me you're
09:48going to get us evicted.
09:49Shhh!
09:50Now don't you listen
09:51to your grumpy
09:52Uncle Steve
09:52Bentley-Wendley
09:54because this is
09:55your phone now.
09:57Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:58Wait a damn minute.
09:59I am not his uncle
10:01and this ain't his home.
10:02That is a pig.
10:03He either belongs
10:04in a barn
10:05or marinating
10:06in his own juices.
10:08Steve,
10:09Bentley is my only
10:11living link
10:11to Jordan.
10:14Well, all right.
10:16If that's what it'll
10:17take to cheer you up,
10:18he can stay.
10:19But we're going to
10:19have to make
10:19some ground rules.
10:20He can't go anywhere
10:21near my couch
10:22or my piano.
10:24And if he so much
10:25as makes an oink
10:27before 7 a.m.,
10:28this little piggy
10:30is going to go
10:31wee, wee, wee
10:32right over the balcony.
10:38He's just playing.
10:40Yeah.
10:41Yeah.
10:42Yeah.
10:44Yeah.
10:44Yeah.
10:49You think he's
10:50going to show up?
10:51I delivered
10:52the drop-off note.
10:53He has no choice.
10:54Just remember the plan.
10:56He can't know it's us.
10:57You have to
10:58disguise your voices.
11:00Stop right there.
11:03We've got your bag, baby.
11:05Do I make you haunted?
11:14Sign the slip,
11:16Heightower.
11:18That's my Sean Connery.
11:20Pretty good, eh?
11:25There.
11:26I signed it.
11:27You got my promise
11:28to chaperone and write.
11:30Now show me my briefcase,
11:31and it better have all my stuff in it merci miss your height out voila your briefcase
11:52sheena something smells real good you got any bacon with that don't say bacon in front of Bentley
12:00after breakfast we're gonna go for a little jog well I can see that cause you both got your
12:05little outfits on you know I got a warm-up jacket just like wait a minute that's my warm-up
12:10jacket
12:13well I'm sorry but your sweatshirt didn't fit in Virginia get a grip here first you sang the pig
12:20to sleep then you take him to the house salon to get his tail curled then you took the pig
12:26to see
12:27kings of comedy and he loved it he gave it three and a half points Virginia you're starting to scare
12:39me now there's a whole world of humans that you need to get back to so I am taking you
12:45to breakfast
12:45without the pig well maybe you're right but who's gonna watch Bentley just go get dressed I'll take
12:53care of that okay come on Bentley you can help mom to pick out an outfit morning grandma pudding good
13:09morning Steven this came by to give me a break from Levita she's been trying so hard to get on
13:17my good
13:17side she's been getting on my nerves grandma pudding could use some breakfast you got any orange juice and
13:33seagrams grandma pudding look here I got something I want you to do for me oh I was wondering when
13:42you
13:43was gonna come around I was starting to think you were scared of it grandma pudding I know you ain't
14:01trying
14:02to seduce me seduce I'm trying to put it on your honey grandma pudding ain't had none in about two
14:21weeks
14:26two weeks look anyway grandma pudding I need for you to take care of the pig to stand in my
14:36apartment
14:37is that all oh and grandma pudding is from Willacoochie Georgia I've been taking care of swine since
14:45Della Reese was a size eight thank you grandma pudding I'm gonna take care of that pig and then I'm
14:59gonna
14:59take care of all right Mr. Hightower the senior class is ready and pump to go let's do this nope
15:14what do you mean no we heard you sign the
15:17kidnapper slip yeah we got it in writing I mean the evil kidnappers got it in writing yeah I signed
15:28it now
15:28I'm backing up what you gonna do well that's not fair yeah I mean we got you back your briefcase
15:35and
15:36we didn't even read your dating application with that part about you cuddling and making potato puree
15:47boy if you want to live long enough to flunk out of city college you'll keep that to yourself
15:55and what's not fair is you stealing your teacher's briefcase just to get your way your field trip is
16:02off now I hope y'all learned something from it boy did we ever and really when you think about
16:09it that's
16:10punishment enough not quite you know I think that you three explaining to 300 inner-city youth that
16:20they field trip is cancelled that ass punishment enough so run along y'all have a nice time out
16:27running them gangster girls especially that Carl Lewis looking one
16:43well you better watch and learn before some fat good cooking heifer steal your husband
16:51it happened every day
16:57whoo grandma pudding I smelled your cooking all the way up the hall you know I ain't smelled nothing this
17:02good since I was backstage at Aretha Franklin concert well you just better get you a plate cause we got
17:10ham and
17:12spare ribs and pork chop pork roast and crackling and pig feet and pig tails and soft pork and
17:23grandma grandma what what what what what where you get all this pork from well you gave it to me
17:30this
17:37morning see oh I cannot thank you enough for getting me out of the house today after we had breakfast
17:43I went shopping I ran errands but enough of that I am famished and something smells wonderful
17:50what you're saying
17:50beautiful
17:52modeled
17:59a lot of
18:01I'm gonna be
18:02fresh
18:03very
18:04fresh
18:07well don't
18:08just down there dig in
18:10oh
18:10and by the way where it's Bentley
18:15Bentley?
18:28Bentley, no!
18:35Who the hell is Bentley?
18:37Should I make him a plate?
18:42Come on!
18:48Boss lady, Grandma Puddin wants to talk to you.
18:52Why? Does Inez wanna barbecue my mama?
19:00Riri, I'm sorry for slaughtering and cooking your little friend.
19:06Grandma Puddin made a terrible mistake.
19:10And I know exactly how you feel.
19:13Cause my sixth husband, Israeli,
19:17went out the same way as your Jordan,
19:20except he was on that Viagra
19:23and it took three minutes to close the casket.
19:27Dang, Grandma Puddin, I know you miss him.
19:30You heard?
19:39Look, Inez, I know you didn't mean to hurt me,
19:42but Bentley was the only thing I had left of the only man I ever loved.
19:45Baby, love can come around more than once.
19:51And I'm sure that one day that you'll have another husband and a family.
19:57You really think so, Inez?
19:59Oh, yes, baby, yes.
20:02And LaVita.
20:05Oh, I got to confess something to you.
20:09Grandma Puddin, the other day I was watching Ofra.
20:14And this lady psychologist made me realize that I was a little jealous of you
20:19because you took such good care of my grandbaby.
20:23Ain't it funny how the Lord just sent you the right TV show?
20:28Y'all forgive me.
20:31Sure.
20:32Of course, Grandma Puddin.
20:34Ain't God good?
20:38Hey, everybody.
20:40Got good news.
20:42I just got my first date off Save Sexy Singles.
20:45Congratulations, Steve.
20:47Yeah, yeah, her name's Tasha.
20:49She's got a bachelor's degree from Spelman.
20:51She attends Trinity Church.
20:53And her favorite activity is naked picnics.
21:01Why settle for a picnic when you got a hot buffet right in front of you?
21:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:33Thanks for that.
21:34Thanks.
21:43You are being a little.
21:46We will see you next time.
21:47We take care of the picnic is a big night, so you can complain.
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