- 1 day ago
First broadcast 18th February 1973.
A country cottage is the cause of marital strife: Barty loves it, but his wife Stella loathes it.
Maggie Fitzgibbon - Stella Bartholomew
Robert Urquhart - Barty Bartholomew
Peter Firth - Roger Blackburn
A country cottage is the cause of marital strife: Barty loves it, but his wife Stella loathes it.
Maggie Fitzgibbon - Stella Bartholomew
Robert Urquhart - Barty Bartholomew
Peter Firth - Roger Blackburn
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:09To be continued...
00:44I'd love to, Arthur, old boy. Nothing I'd like better than dinner at your place.
00:48Stella, too. But we simply won't be back from the cottage.
00:51Not by Sunday evening. Well, come in a bit later. Come in after dinner.
00:56Sorry, old boy. Monday morning, 7 a.m. That's when we leave the cottage. Not a minute before.
01:01Mavis, get those sales reports out to the reps. Better send them express.
01:05I've already sent them, Mr. Bartholomew. And don't forget your wife's waiting.
01:107 a.m. Monday morning. We've made it a rule. It's the only way I get the whole weekend.
01:15The only thing that keeps me sane.
01:16Can't you change your routine once at once?
01:19I'm sorry, old boy. I just need my weekend in the country.
01:21Yes, but Betty and I say we wanted you to meet the Hennessons.
01:23Honestly, if Stella and I hadn't bought that cottage, I think I would have gone off my head.
01:28Truly, it has changed my life. Absolutely changed my life.
01:33Ready to go?
01:35I thought you wanted to leave early.
01:38You're waiting half an hour.
01:40Never mind. Soon be there.
01:42Another weekend in that hell hole.
01:45Just what I need.
02:23You make sure the windows are locked?
02:25I think so.
02:28You think so?
02:30Yes.
02:32I said this morning, check the windows before you leave, I said.
02:37I think so.
02:40I just think so, honest.
02:42I made a point of it.
02:46I don't remember doing it.
02:48I think I did.
02:56Well, that will be nice, wouldn't it?
03:00Get home on Monday and find a place stripped.
03:04Not just that, either.
03:08They pee on the floor now, this.
03:12Do you know that?
03:13They pee on the floor.
03:17Go back then.
03:20Go back and check if you're worried.
03:24Go back.
03:46Oh, that air.
03:49Taste the sea in it.
03:52Taste the iodine.
03:55Thank God for this place.
03:58The one thing that keeps me sane.
04:00The only thing.
04:40No telephone, no traffic.
04:41Just the sea, the sky, and that air.
04:44Nothing.
04:45No.
04:45I don't like it.
04:46Peace.
04:51How much is that doggy in the window?
04:56The one with this by the day.
04:58You really ought to leave some of this down here.
05:00It's ridiculous.
05:02Calling it backwards and forward every weekend.
05:06You ought to get yourself better organized.
05:12I must take a trip to California.
05:17What has the lovely Mrs. Blackburn left us for some time?
05:21I'll spare the salad.
05:23If he has a dog.
05:26I'll be lonesome.
05:28And the doggy will have a good home.
05:32She may have a limited menu.
05:34How much is that doggy in the window?
05:37I see that damn trellis is down again.
05:44It's gonna be a morning's work getting this place tidy.
05:49All it really needs is just a few bits of wood.
06:08I think I'll just go to the pub.
06:10You know, I want to see old Harry Knowles about the car.
06:14I mean, if it's the clutch, well, he can fix it this weekend.
06:22I shan't be long.
06:37How much is that doggy in the window?
06:42How much is that doggy in the window?
06:43The one with the waggly tail?
06:47How much is that doggy in the window?
06:53I do hope that doggy is for sale.
07:16This is Radio Luxembourg on 208m medium wave.
07:20Once again, we're closing your request program
07:23with another popular hit number.
07:25Still on the back.
07:42I don't know.
08:09What do you mean, every weekend?
08:12Every bloody weekend.
08:13That's what it's for.
08:15A weekend cottage.
08:17That's why we bought it.
08:18You bought it, not me.
08:20God's sake.
08:21Nothing but a bloody flytrap.
08:23All right, all right.
08:24I don't live in Figgers, and I'm not used to buckets in the yard.
08:27All right.
08:29All right.
08:41All right.
08:44All right.
08:52All right.
08:53You really can taste the iodine.
08:55So stifling, so close.
08:58That's the weather.
09:00Yes, of course it's the weather.
09:02It's been humid for days.
09:05A drop of rain will clear the air.
09:07A drop of rain will clear the air.
09:11You bet.
09:12That's right.
09:12Every day.
09:25Blue.
09:37Chaking is fucking so!
09:53Come on, Mr. Barthorne, you have to stop it, it's ruined!
09:57I've heard of them last night.
09:59Spread it out!
10:00Oh dear, I haven't fed it to you in already.
10:02Shut up.
10:03Oh.
10:05Oh.
10:06Oh.
10:07It won't stay down in the wind, the poor rocks are over.
10:10Oh, what is an idea?
10:16Come on.
10:17Right, go.
10:18Paul Evansville, come on.
10:20Yes, don't get too wet.
10:22Come on.
10:23My wife will make you some coffee, Mrs. Barthorne.
10:29Oh.
10:31Mrs. Blackburn's gone and broke the bone in her foot.
10:34Roger's come instead.
10:35Her son.
10:37Oh.
10:38Well, that means you want a cup of coffee for him as well.
10:40Oh.
10:40Well, I say.
10:42I mean, he's soaking wet, poor boy.
10:44I mean, how about some breakfast?
10:46Roger!
10:47Roger!
10:48The war against communism must be ended, and in we go.
10:51Captive people's encouraged to win their own food.
10:55Yugoslavia had gained treatment from Moscow by peaceful means, and other peoples could
10:59do the same if they were certain of American support.
11:03The study said that Russia had two reasons for wanting the Korean War to go on.
11:07It tied down American troops and was a useful source of anti-American propaganda.
11:14Damn shame about your mother.
11:16Oh, yes, sir.
11:17Really.
11:21Are they going to keep her in hospital?
11:23No, it's not that serious.
11:25They've just got her in for x-rays.
11:28Mind you, it'll be weeks before she's up and about again.
11:30Oh.
11:33Months, they reckon.
11:34And she has to keep going back for that physiotherapy.
11:39Damn shame.
11:41But don't worry about the work.
11:42I'll come up and look after the place for you.
11:45I'll be doing the same for Colonel Blakeney.
11:47Cleaning, washing, cooking.
11:48Enjoy the lot.
11:49Mrs. Downley of Eutoxeter, who've asked us to play a special request for their son's birthday.
11:55Happy birthday, John, in Germany.
11:57Thanks, Mrs. Bartholomew.
11:59It's grand.
12:00Oh, yes.
12:01Just the stuff, darling.
12:05Are you not having any?
12:07Oh, my wife has no appetite at all.
12:09She hardly eats a thing.
12:12Brain's stopped.
12:13Oh, I, uh...
12:16I just see.
12:17I can't find a change of clothing.
12:26Let me...
12:41Thank you, Roger.
12:42Very sweet of you.
12:44It's nothing.
12:45It's nothing.
12:58Hello.
12:58What's all this?
13:00I just thought you might like some coffee.
13:02Oh, well, there, eh, Roger?
13:06It's smashing.
13:07Thanks.
13:08You're very chipper this morning.
13:10Chipper?
13:11Bright and breezy.
13:12Up for the lark.
13:14Must be all that sea air you're always on about.
13:16Nothing like it.
13:18Come on, Roger.
13:19Thanks.
13:21Did you, um...
13:23Did you hear him singing this morning?
13:25Hear him singing?
13:26Aye.
13:27Well, the skylark.
13:28I thought that's why you said...
13:30Oh, no.
13:30I didn't actually mean...
13:32Skylark?
13:33Well, you must have heard him.
13:36No idea we had skylarks around here.
13:38Oh, yeah.
13:39Look at the marsh.
13:40She's full of birds.
13:41There's herons, kingfishers, waders...
13:43Sometimes even wild geese, if you're lucky.
13:46Really?
13:47Oh.
13:48Well, no doubt your eyes are keener than mine.
13:54Hey, there...
13:56You with the stars in your eyes...
14:02Love never made a fool of you...
14:07You used to be too wise.
14:18Hey, there...
14:20You on that high-flying cloud...
14:26Though she won't throw a crown to you...
14:32You'd think someday she'll come to you...
14:41Better forget...
14:42This is Bartholomew!
14:43What is it?
14:47Skylark?
14:48It's singing.
14:52Well, come on.
14:53I'll show you.
14:54Come on.
15:24There he is, straight ahead.
15:26Do you see him?
15:27No, I can't see a thing.
15:29Oh, straight up.
15:31I can hear him.
15:33Overhead, look more overhead.
15:36I said your eyes were keeler than mine.
15:39Oh, look, it's further up than you're looking, Mrs Bartle.
15:41Try further up.
15:42One million miles up now.
15:44Well, perhaps you're looking too much against the sun.
15:47Oh, I'm just plain stupid, that's what.
15:53There he is.
15:54See him, there he is.
15:58What a beautiful thing in the world.
16:01Okay.
16:14Everywhere's a mess.
16:15Drab, dark, dingy.
16:17All you need is a lick of paint, my darling.
16:19But if you hate down here, what's the point?
16:22I might like it better, but less like a cow should.
16:28Mind yourself.
16:30Red, perhaps.
16:31Red and white.
16:32Something to make it look brighter.
16:37You know what?
16:39I'll ask the boy.
16:41I mean, he's been doing some work at Colonel Blakey's.
16:44Shouldn't take a long place this size.
16:46No more than a week.
16:47Have you been leaving down here for a whole week?
16:50I know.
16:51Without us?
16:53Well, what's wrong with that?
16:54Mrs Blackburn comes in after all?
16:56That's not quite the same, Barty.
16:59Isn't it?
17:01Maybe it is.
17:01I don't know.
17:05Yes.
17:06I suppose you're right.
17:12He's a bit young, I suppose.
17:17You see, I think he's a bit young to be left down here on his own.
17:24Yes.
17:25You're right.
17:29You wouldn't fancy staying down here.
17:32I'm a superintendent.
17:34Keep the watchful eye.
17:36Oh, have a heart.
17:44I couldn't possibly manage without the car.
17:50It's no problem.
17:52I could get Mr Knowles to drive me to the station.
18:01No, it wouldn't work.
18:07Yes.
18:11Suppose I just...
18:14Ask the boy.
18:16And see what he says.
18:20So hard as necessary.
18:42Good morning, Harry.
18:43Good morning, Mrs. Bartholomew.
18:46Take care of yourself.
19:11You feel you want to push the walls out six feet or so to make it seem bigger.
19:17Aye.
19:19I was wondering about red.
19:22Something like that?
19:24It's a bit strong.
19:26Well, I mean, you know, a bit fussy if you want to push the walls back, that is.
19:30Oh.
19:34Now that yellow would be nice.
19:35Yes.
19:38I do believe you have taste.
19:42All right.
19:44We'll use the yellow.
19:59Well, of course, there'll be a fair bit of re-plastering to do first.
20:03All round the window.
20:05You see, it's damp.
20:07Can you do that?
20:08Oh, yeah.
20:09Well, it's not a big job, of course, but it needs doing.
20:13Look.
20:14All up here.
20:15This'll all come right through the new paint.
20:20Sorry.
20:21What have you done with that sweater?
20:23It smells as though it's been on a fishmonger's slab.
20:26Aye.
20:28It's the one I go out in.
20:30Fishing.
20:32Do you mean you actually catch things?
20:34Oh, yeah.
20:35I go out every night.
20:37Well, almost.
20:42As soon as it could do with a wash.
20:44Well, yes.
20:47Do you mean now?
20:49Oh.
20:50What do you like?
20:53Aye.
21:03What sort of things do you catch?
21:06Oh, erm...
21:08Damps and flounders.
21:10Sometimes place, if I'm lucky.
21:12Clever boy.
21:15Do you fish in a boat?
21:17No.
21:18On the shore.
21:20I haven't got it both.
21:31Then what?
21:36Then what?
21:38Do you sell what you catch?
21:40Sometimes.
21:41Sometimes.
21:43Then again, sometimes I give it away.
21:45Or even take it home and have it myself.
21:47I can't beat it.
21:49Freshly caught fish.
21:51It's grilled, you know.
21:52Grilled place.
21:54Can't beat it.
21:57Can't beat it.
22:04I could bring you some if you like.
22:09That's very sweet of you, Roger.
22:13All right.
22:14Tomorrow.
22:28On one condition.
22:31What's that?
22:32What's that?
22:33You bring a place for yourself.
22:34I can't eat freshly caught place by myself.
22:37It wouldn't be much fun.
22:39Would it?
22:43About half past seven, then.
22:46And I'll do the cooking, shall I?
22:49Can you cook?
22:50Oh, aye.
22:51And wait at table.
22:53My mum reckons I'm pretty good.
22:56You seem to be pretty good at all sorts of things.
22:59Oh.
23:00Don't know about that.
23:25Do you like the wine?
23:28Yes.
23:30It's, um...
23:31It's very nice.
23:35Chablis.
23:36White burgundy.
23:37Considered to be the ideal wine with oysters.
23:42My husband knows a great deal about wine.
23:44Barty considers himself to be quite an expert.
23:48Quite an expert.
23:50When we go out, he studies the wine list very carefully.
23:54It's full of little phrases.
23:56I think you'd like this claret.
23:58It has a certain modest charm.
24:04Funny thing is, I don't think he enjoys it very much.
24:09Same with women.
24:13Poor old Barty.
24:25Do you like living here?
24:30Yeah.
24:33Yes, well...
24:34It's your home, of course you do.
24:40Barty was very keen to get a cottage.
24:42So was I, really.
24:45I thought it might improve things.
24:49Well, it might have done.
24:58See, I imagine something like a...
25:00Fetched roof, oak beams, herbaceous borders.
25:05I hated this place from the very beginning.
25:10My very first sight of it, I loathed it.
25:16Nasty, plain grey box.
25:20Endless miles of grey mud.
25:24Grey, grey, grey.
25:31See, the only times I've been happy here, well...
25:35Times like this.
25:38Curtains drawn and all that.
25:41Desolation shut out.
25:51I'm sorry.
25:57It was a wonderful meal.
25:59Thank you very much.
26:02I'll come out and cook for you whenever you say.
26:07Dear Roger.
26:18I'll clear the plates.
26:20Leave it, leave it.
26:23Sit down.
26:37It was the best fish I've ever eaten.
26:40Really?
26:42It's perfectly cooked.
26:44Quite perfect.
26:45You're a very clipper boy.
26:53What's the matter?
26:55Nothing.
26:57I was just thinking your eyes are speckled like bird's eggs.
27:09Oh, Roger.
27:10You're a very nice boy and I'm sure you've hundreds of girls running after you.
27:15Well, of course you do.
27:16I haven't.
27:17Maybe one or two, but...
27:19They're not serious.
27:21You're only half grown up.
27:23Oh, so you prefer older women, do you?
27:27Do you?
27:29Can you pour me a brandy, darling?
27:34Please?
27:58We'll be again.
28:03We'll be again.
28:04We'll be again.
28:07We'll be again.
28:08We'll be again.
28:08We'll be again.
28:08This lovely day,
28:11I'll blow away.
28:28all right you can kiss me just this once I let you
29:06you
29:14Oh, my God.
29:44Oh, my God.
30:42Oh, my God.
30:46Oh, my God.
30:46I've been into town.
30:48I ordered the paint and brushes.
30:52You wanted me to work for you, then?
30:55Of course.
30:55Why not?
30:58Hi.
31:00All right, then.
31:01Mrs. Ratholomew.
31:03Stella.
31:05Stella.
31:10Did you try and seduce me last night?
31:16Are you mad with me?
31:24I seem to remember it wasn't very successful.
31:29You didn't quite...
31:36Oh, never mind.
31:39You were very sweet.
31:42Was I drunk?
31:44Well, I'm much nicer when I'm drunk.
31:50I think you're nice all the time.
31:55This is morning.
31:56This is friendly.
32:03Do you ever catch lobsters?
32:09No, but I can get you some.
32:14Will you come and cook them for me?
32:19If you like.
32:37Come and stay with me when you can, please.
32:41It gets so lonely here and I'm not used to the country.
32:44I'll be so lonely here.
32:46Please.
32:55I'll get you some lobsters, should I?
33:15There we are.
33:16Done.
33:17Good.
33:18Oh, it really does look good.
33:21Tea.
33:23Oh, time.
33:24I'll get some beer in tomorrow if you'd prefer it to tea.
33:27No, no, tea's fine.
33:28I'm a great tea man.
33:31It really worked like a beaver.
33:34Aren't you tired?
33:35No, tired.
33:39Never tired.
33:42Yes, absolutely fast fast.
33:47He amuses me, that boy, sometimes.
33:51He's so tiny.
33:54So neat and clean.
33:59Every tiny speck of paint has to be cleaned up.
34:03Good night to you all and wishing you happy dreams.
34:06How do you think he'd feel about tackling the outside?
34:10Painting the water.
34:12Oh, I'm sure he'd be glad to do it if you asked.
34:15He worships you.
34:17Me?
34:20Has he?
34:22Hmm.
34:23Oh, he's sensitive, not brash.
34:28I like that.
34:31There are too many brash youngsters these days.
34:35Are you, er, coming up to town this week?
34:40What do you think?
34:43Do you know what I think?
34:45What?
34:46What?
34:47I think you're beginning to like it down here.
34:50Oh.
35:01Morning, Harry.
35:02Good morning, Mr. Blount.
35:03All of you.
35:03Look after yourself.
35:04Go first.
35:06Get off.
35:37is that the lot? I think so. oh did you get the turps? yeah.
35:58this is for you.
36:02what is it? open it and see.
36:11it's a tie. yes. do you like it?
36:16yeah. it's nice. do you really like it?
36:22yeah.
36:37yeah.
36:45yeah.
36:46yeah.
36:49yeah.
36:49yeah.
36:49yeah.
36:50yeah.
36:51yeah.
36:52yeah.
36:53yeah.
36:53yeah.
36:53yeah.
36:54yeah.
36:55yeah.
36:55yeah.
36:55yeah.
36:56yeah.
36:56yeah.
36:56yeah.
36:56yeah.
36:56yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
36:57yeah.
37:16What was that you caught?
37:18Police.
37:20What else would we like to catch?
37:22Oh, dabs and a few flounders, if you're lucky.
37:25Really?
37:26Yeah.
37:26Jolly good.
37:28Do you always fish from the shore?
37:31Yeah.
37:33I haven't got a boat, Mr. Bartholomew.
37:35Oh, Barty?
37:37You call me Barty?
37:40Barty?
37:41That's what my friends call me, Barty.
37:46Do you ever catch any lobsters?
38:00I'm sorry.
38:03I'll get some pop.
38:05I'm sorry.
38:08But I don't know.
38:08I don't know.
38:09I don't know.
38:09I'm sorry.
38:17There she is.
38:19Isn't she grand?
38:20Yes.
38:21Very nice.
38:22I knew you'd want to see her.
38:24Yes.
38:26Come on.
38:28Come on.
38:32Jimmy!
38:34Roger!
38:35Oh, Roger!
38:36Oh.
38:37Oh.
38:39Oh.
38:40She handles terrifically.
38:42It was great out in the bay last weekend.
38:45Terrific sea, and she was rolling like mad,
38:47but she never lost control, not once.
38:50She's a great little boat.
38:53You coming, Roger?
38:55Aye, right!
39:00I'll, erm...
39:01I'll not be long.
39:02An hour or two at the most.
39:04I'll expect you for supper.
39:06What?
39:09I'll cook you something for a change.
39:15Don't be late.
39:21Oh, go on.
39:22Get off to your precious boat.
39:40You come out.
39:43Get off.
39:43Get off.
40:00Never stop watch is 8 31 and three seconds precisely and here's the new hit
40:06tune from today's number one show
40:13the bloody hell have you been sorry do you know what time it is it's bloody
40:19half-past eight yeah was the bike broke down and I had to walk miles to find a
40:23garage I'm sorry I was worried
40:27well I couldn't let you know
40:42you're here now that's all that matters
40:50sorry I shouted
40:53I mustn't stay
40:54would you like something to eat
40:55no I said I mustn't stay
40:59but you've only just got here
41:04I've been waiting all day
41:10look I've got nothing on under this dress
41:14yeah
41:20I've um I've got a job at power station I start on Monday
41:24that's nonsense I've never heard such nonsense
41:27hi it's big money that needn't stop you from coming here
41:35well I don't think it's fair to mr. Bartholomew
41:38for Christ's sake who's talking about being fair
41:42well he's been good to me
41:46haven't I been good to you yeah of course you have but well he's gonna buy a boat
41:52boat for Christ's sake
41:54yeah he says I can look after it and then take it out when I like fishing
41:59I've never heard such rubbish
42:03Barty's not interested in boats
42:09come here
42:14oh come on
42:30it's the matter
42:31be careful you'll have to watch your step back
42:40it's the matter
42:41it's the matter
42:51But you couldn't make it, could you?
42:54Not really.
42:57Look like a man.
42:59You never came near to make it.
43:03Not properly.
43:05Not little you.
43:09Oh, go on, for God's sake, go!
43:14And send me a postcard when you've grown up!
43:22Now, please, Bella!
43:53Oh, are you driving?
44:06Oh, that air.
44:09Nothing like it.
44:10It's bloody drafty.
44:13Oh, sorry, darling.
44:17Well, what sort of weeks do you have?
44:21So-so.
44:23How's Roger getting on with the painting?
44:25He's not.
44:28Oh, not what?
44:29He's not getting on with the painting because he's buggered off, that's what.
44:34Buggered off?
44:35That's what I said, he's buggered off, he's withdrawn his labour and buggered off.
44:39Why?
44:41These people are all the same. You treat them as equals and they spit in your eye.
44:43Oh, I think that's a bit strong, darling.
44:48He didn't buy a chance to make a pass at him, didn't he?
44:51Of course.
44:53He's always been so friendly, there must be some explanation.
44:57Why don't you ask him then?
45:00Yes.
45:03I think I will.
45:04You don't mean that.
45:06Well, why not? I hate unpleasantness.
45:11He'd probably be fishing.
45:12Um, do you have any message for him?
45:15Yes, tell him I'll give him a reference if he wants.
45:18A strong, witty lad, able to paint, cook, wait a table.
45:30It spits in your eye.
45:31Yes, tell him what.
45:33Yeah.
45:56So,
45:59yes,
46:39It's both the African Queen, or whatever you call us.
46:43Sea Queen?
46:45Does it have sails or an engine?
46:48As if I cared.
46:50Sails and an auxiliary.
46:53Not to mention Jolly Roger, the cheerful navigator.
46:57I think it's pathetic.
47:01What is?
47:04Pointless.
47:06All that effort just to go up and down, up and down the same coastline, I think it's pathetic.
47:13I'm going to do much more than that.
47:17Roger, it's quite competent to take her across the channel.
47:20You think I'm going to cross the channel with Jolly Little Roger steering you are sadly mistaken, my darling.
47:27I didn't think you'd want to.
47:33Oh, I see.
47:35It just didn't occur to us.
47:39You're right.
47:41I'd loathe it.
47:42I'd absolutely loathe it.
47:47So it's going to be just you and the boy?
47:49Yes.
47:51He's never been abroad before.
47:54I think you'll enjoy it.
47:56How long will you be away?
47:59About three weeks.
48:02I want a decent break.
48:06What about his job?
48:08His job?
48:10Roger's.
48:11His job at the power station.
48:13Oh.
48:14I talked to him out of that ages ago.
48:17But it wouldn't have been suitable.
48:20It's an outdoor man.
48:23I wouldn't have been happy.
48:25I had no idea you were so.
48:27So what?
48:29Interested in his welfare.
48:31Well, what's wrong with that?
48:33You tell me.
48:43He's a remarkable chap in many ways.
48:49Considering all the disadvantages he's had to contend with, I think he's a remarkable young man.
48:54Pretty remarkable.
48:58Pretty?
48:59Anyway.
49:07God bless the Sea Queen.
49:12Lord of Salem.
49:23Well, I'll just set the alarm for seven, if you don't mind.
49:29There's a lot to do tomorrow if we're going to have a ship-shaped and ready for next week.
49:33Very locked up.
49:34Downstairs.
49:35I better check.
49:43There's a lot to do.
49:44Down in old Kentucky.
49:45Well, hot shoes are lucky.
49:47There's a billy Smithy standing under the ten.
49:50See the hammer knocking.
49:53See the animal rocking.
49:54He thinks of whoopie blues while he's hammering on the shoe.
49:58See the hot spots are flying, like Parkland's lying.
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