- 2 days ago
2026 S01E06 >>> https://dai.ly/xafp66i
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TVTranscript
00:11Treasure each other. It's the most important relationship you'll ever have.
00:18Thanks.
00:20But don't sleep with your mother's friends.
00:45MUSIC
00:46Reservation under Izzy Asher.
00:49Does everyone get the door wrong?
00:52No. Oh, that's strange.
00:55I actually designed the shards, so, yeah, they really mess your doors up.
00:58I'm glad that none of your other patrons noticed that.
01:08I thought I was meeting Izzy.
01:10Me too.
01:17Is she parent-trapping us? It seems so.
01:19If only I had a butler and you had a winery.
01:23Don't understand.
01:25If we do break up, which child do you want? We both want Dom, don't we?
01:31I need a drink.
01:37This is ridiculous, isn't it?
01:39What are we doing? It's been weeks and we're not even trying to fix it.
01:42Don't you think I should just move back in?
01:46I don't even understand what we're arguing about, do you?
01:50We're arguing about the fact that you lie to me and that you don't prioritize our relationship.
01:56OK.
01:58I'm not sure why I'm the one apologizing.
01:59I'm not the one who had a strange woman over to our house.
02:04There's no way you haven't lied to me once or twice.
02:07No, no, no.
02:07She's not a strange woman and I don't lie to you ever.
02:12Excuse me?
02:13I'm proud of the...
02:15Oh, you know, it's not a parent trap.
02:17Stephen Izzy are here.
02:19Oh, amazing.
02:20So, do they not have waiters at this restaurant?
02:25Hey.
02:26Hey.
02:27OK.
02:30So, um, sorry to have misled you both about dinner,
02:33but I think we all need to find a way to get along.
02:37Oh, right, sounds good. Well, let's do that then.
02:41Do we not worry about the fact that he's destroyed my marriage and my job?
02:44After you destroyed my job?
02:46After you had sex with my child.
02:49Adult... Adult child.
02:50I think, in the interest of moving forward,
02:54you and I really need to bury the hatchet.
02:57That's racist.
02:58Is it?
02:59Right.
02:59Well, you're using a Native American term,
03:01bury the hatchet, that's racist.
03:03I should know because I got fired for being a racist.
03:05OK, there I actually was a racist.
03:07Apparently, that's my thing.
03:08OK, stop.
03:10We're having a baby.
03:15Sorry.
03:16We need to...
03:20You're...
03:24I think, yeah, you should...
03:26You...
03:26Yeah.
03:26We're having a baby.
03:28And we just wanted to tell you two so that we could sort this
03:33and get back to normal.
03:37Excuse me, can anyone come and take our drinks order, please?
03:45Quite loud.
03:47I'll bring you the wine list.
03:49No, no, two bottles of red, thank you.
03:50I'm not drinking, thank you.
03:52Me neither.
03:53Solidarity.
03:53No.
03:55No.
03:56Two bottles, thank you.
04:03That's the news.
04:07Mum...
04:13Do you really want a baby?
04:16Yeah.
04:20Babies are...
04:23a lot of work.
04:28I...
04:29I...
04:30I need you to...
04:30I just...
04:31Can you just say that you're happy for me?
04:33Please?
04:34Can you just say it?
04:35I'm happy if you're happy.
04:42You don't have to be in a relationship just because you're having a baby.
04:45I love Steve.
04:47I love him.
04:47And I want to do this with him.
04:58Okay.
04:59Fine.
05:01Okay.
05:02Yes.
05:03Okay.
05:08Okay.
05:09Okay.
05:13And how are you feeling?
05:14Any sickness?
05:15Yeah, a bit.
05:17Uh, no.
05:18Not yet.
05:19Oh, well that's brilliant.
05:21So lucky not to feel sick.
05:28I just want you both to know that I will do everything and anything it takes to be the best
05:34father for this baby.
05:36And, uh, we already know that it's going to have the best granny.
05:52Oh, wow.
05:55Sweet.
05:56Be lovely to have another little one running around the house.
06:01Yeah.
06:02Gosh.
06:03It's happy.
06:06It's happy.
06:07Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
06:09Ah, a baby.
06:12Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
06:16Ah, a baby.
06:19Happy.
06:19Happy tears.
06:24I should probably go to the loo.
06:36Oh, please, for the love of God, please.
06:38Can you bring two bottles of red wine to my table?
06:41I'll pay you £100.
06:43£200.
06:46I know it's really quick, Daniel,
06:48but, honestly, it feels like fate.
06:52Yeah, no, it's lovely.
06:56Thanks, mate.
06:58We thought of calling it Lenny if it's a boy.
07:01That's cute.
07:02And then if it's a gal, we'll call it Shirley.
07:05I know what you're thinking.
07:07Shirley, you can be serious.
07:12Maybe.
07:14Oh, God.
07:15Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
07:18Oh, God.
07:20Are you OK?
07:22Do you need help?
07:26Hello?
07:28It's too late.
07:32Oh, God, it's all too...
07:34It's too late.
07:37Mum?
07:40Mum?
07:41Are you OK?
07:44Yeah.
07:45Are you sure?
07:48Yeah.
07:50Oh, good.
07:53I know I'm young,
07:54but you were almost the same age when you had me.
07:59Yeah.
08:01I was.
08:04Yeah.
08:07And you always say having me was the best decision you ever made.
08:12It was...
08:15quite hard.
08:19Sorry?
08:20Sorry, are you talking to me?
08:22No!
08:23No.
08:24Mum?
08:25What did you say?
08:26I said...
08:28It was hard!
08:34I can do hard.
08:35I can do hard.
08:38I wouldn't be here if you hadn't done it.
08:43No.
08:54I sort of hope it's a girl.
08:57And it would be like you and me.
08:59It's the universe.
09:10You know I'm not your mate, don't you?
09:14Sorry?
09:15I always thought you were harmless.
09:16I never found you as funny as Alice did,
09:18but I liked that you made her happy.
09:22But I'm starting to think that there's a good chance
09:25that you're a selfish person, Steve,
09:27who doesn't care about anyone but themselves.
09:29And I'm kind of dreading the fact
09:31that I'm going to have to spend every Christmas with you
09:34until I die.
09:36Hey!
09:38Hey!
09:40Everything OK?
09:41Yeah.
09:42Great.
09:43Just planning Christmas.
09:48I think we'll stay in Steve's flat
09:50probably until the baby's at least one.
09:52We like the idea of attachment parenting.
09:55And I think we want home birth.
09:57I like the idea of having the baby in water.
09:59Did you have a natural birth, Mum?
10:01No, I had an epidural.
10:03Any excuse for some drugs, am I right?
10:05Not really.
10:06We tend to have big babies in our family.
10:09Oh, really?
10:10I had the full Spice Girl.
10:13When, um, two become one.
10:18When you rip all the way from, uh, the vagina to the anus.
10:31Oh, I just remembered we have to pick up my parents from the airport.
10:35Oh.
10:37But your parents are here?
10:39Yeah.
10:40They're doing a tour of European railways.
10:42Do-do-do-do-do.
10:45Let's go.
10:53She's not ready for a baby.
10:57Maybe you should tell her how hard it was for you.
10:59Can't do that.
11:01She'd hate me forever.
11:03Oh, sorry.
11:04Sorry, darling, but having a baby so young was the worst decision I ever made.
11:08And for the first six weeks, I dreamt of nothing but dropping you off at a Russian orphanage
11:13and pretending I'd found you in the street.
11:16I couldn't go out.
11:17I felt no human connection to you whatsoever.
11:21And for years and years, no one wanted to go out with me.
11:25What do you mean, no one wanted to go out with you?
11:26I wanted to go out with you.
11:28No one else wanted to.
11:31Oh, that's why you chose me, because I was the only option.
11:34No!
11:35I make your life more fun.
11:37You make my life more manageable.
11:39And one isn't better than the other.
11:41And if you don't like it, then, you know, maybe you should, you know, just leave.
11:47I think I've already done that, haven't I?
11:52This isn't your bus stop.
11:54The bus to your mum's goes from the other side.
11:55Yeah, I'm not going to my mum's.
11:57I'll stay at my house.
11:58Because if you're leaving me, you should be the one to move out.
12:09What do you mean?
12:11She just didn't get on the plane?
12:13No, she cancelled her ticket last week.
12:15Why didn't you tell me?
12:16You didn't think to tell me this, Dad?
12:19Is she OK?
12:20Is there something wrong with her?
12:22Apart from selfishness and a basic lack of interest in locomotives.
12:26Yeah, do you know, they sat some Indian teller beside me on the aeroplane?
12:30I'd be surprised if I had COVID.
12:31Dad, Dad.
12:32Um, guess what?
12:33Izzy and I are having a baby.
12:36Isn't that lovely news?
12:38Who's Izzy?
12:40This is Izzy, remember?
12:43I'm Izzy.
12:44Remember from about three minutes ago?
12:46Uh, what do you mean you're having a baby?
12:49Uh, I'm pregnant.
12:51Yeah, we're really happy.
12:53What, with him?
12:55Yes.
12:55You got you pregnant?
12:57Yes, Dad.
12:58So when's the big day?
13:01Uh, um, we're taking it one step at a time.
13:06Oh, yeah, marriage first and then the baby.
13:09Um, it's not 1950, Dad.
13:11People don't care about that kind of thing anymore.
13:13Oh, oh, right.
13:15So this one's going to grow up knowing that it's a bastard, eh?
13:18A mistake.
13:21A happy accident.
13:23Oh, well, let's hope you have another one.
13:26We always regretted having only the one.
13:35You can see where I get my coolness from.
13:49Are you seriously trying to get to the house first?
13:51You're such a child, Alice.
14:09If you lock the door, I'm calling the police.
14:14Oh.
14:35I didn't want to sleep with you anyway.
14:38I didn't want to sleep with you anyway.
15:20You're going to be fine.
15:23Yeah.
15:24I think we've probably been in Iraq for ages but just didn't notice.
15:29I'm proud of you, Dan.
15:31You're taking control.
15:34I am, aren't I?
15:37I am.
15:41All I needed was the love you gave
15:45All I needed for another day
15:49And all I ever knew
15:53Only you
16:09What happened to the printer?
16:14It broke
16:25How'd the interview go?
16:29Couldn't print out my CV so I didn't go
16:34What are you doing?
16:36I'm watching porn stars
16:38This woman, she thought her teacup was worth $9,000
16:40Turns out it's just a piece of crap
16:48Shall we...
16:49Shall we go to yours?
16:52Yeah
16:52Yeah
16:57Bye mom
16:58Mmm
16:58I'm doing a TV show.
17:00Sorry.
17:29Can we stop for a second?
17:32Of course.
17:34What's wrong?
17:35I need to go home.
17:38Why? What's happened?
17:40I just can't be here.
17:42What?
17:44I need to go home.
17:47Why?
17:55Stop! Talk to me!
17:58Dom, what are you doing?
18:02What the fuck was that?
18:04What?
18:06One minute you're kissing me and the next you've bolted out the door.
18:09Are you okay?
18:11I'm not leaving.
18:12I just need to check on my mum.
18:14Everything's fucked, okay?
18:16My mum's drinking in the day.
18:18My parents hate each other.
18:20And my sister's having a baby with a 50-year-old.
18:23It feels like someone has pressed a button and the world is ending.
18:27It's like in Terminator in the playground and suddenly everyone's fucking faces are melting off like no one has a
18:34face.
18:34It's all fucked.
18:35It's all fucked.
18:37It's all fucked.
18:39Come on.
18:43Tom, remember, you don't say those just words.
18:45I like the bit about our faces melting off.
19:02Can we just, like, do nothing?
19:09Nothing.
19:10Yeah.
19:13Can we just, like, do nothing at all?
19:18Sure.
19:27That's great.
19:28Wow.
19:30Isabel Asher?
19:31Yep.
19:33Holy shit, we're about to see our baby.
19:37That's baby's heartbeat.
19:45Just the one?
19:47Yep, afraid so.
19:49And do you want to find out the gender or no?
19:52Oh, I'm not 12 weeks yet.
19:54Can you do that?
19:55Well, you're closer to 16.
19:59Well...
19:59No, I've had my period between then and now.
20:02That's probably just implantation bleeding.
20:06Could the baby just be a fast grow-up?
20:13No.
20:14But lucky you for whistling right through to the second trimester.
20:18You're into the easy stretch now.
20:23So, do we want to find out the sex then, Mummy and Daddy?
20:31Yeah.
20:32Yes, please.
20:33You are having a baby girl.
20:59I'm really sorry.
21:02It's fine.
21:07Daniel's always been my dad.
21:10Yeah, I know.
21:12I know he is.
21:15But if you do want to end this, then, yeah, I understand.
21:22No, I want this.
21:26I'm scared that you won't want this.
21:31I... I want this.
21:38Okay, great.
21:49Do you want me to come in with you?
21:52No, I think I should probably do this by myself.
21:56Yeah.
21:58Okay, good luck.
22:11Izzy!
22:16Please don't go back to him.
22:18I won't.
22:19I won't.
22:44Hey, Tiger.
22:46It's nice to see you.
22:50I'm pregnant.
22:53Say that again?
22:54For me?
22:56I'm pregnant.
22:57It's yours.
22:59And, uh...
23:00I'm gonna have it.
23:19Under 50 b.
23:20Beverly Lane.
23:21Woah.
23:24Yep.
23:25Oh, yeah.
23:30No one, no one.冷,
23:31uh... Let's
23:36go. No,
23:41no, no. Oh,
23:42no, no. Yes.
23:43No,
23:45you're not going. No,
23:49no! Any Pakistan
24:00Okay?
24:01Yep.
24:13I think we should get married.
24:15What?
24:17I want to marry you.
24:20I don't understand.
24:21I love you, Izzy.
24:23I really love you.
24:24And actually, I think you're the best person that I've ever met.
24:28And I would like to be a family with you.
24:30And eat spaghetti vongole.
24:32And teach little Shirley how to swim.
24:35And I don't care that she's not biologically mine.
24:38In fact, maybe that's even better because she and I will be a chosen family.
24:43And I know I'm old.
24:44But I will love you so hard and so completely.
24:49And when I'm too old, you can put me in a home and marry someone younger.
24:54But I love you and I would like to marry you.
25:07Would you like to marry me too?
25:12Yes.
25:16Okay, great.
25:19Great.
25:21Great.
25:51Explicitly or contempt for matrimony
25:57If student wants to pay
26:01It will not rest the alimony
26:05Hey, hey, marry me Archie
26:13Hey, hey, marry me Archie
26:21Hey, hey, marry me Archie
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