- 12 hours ago
First broadcast 20th November 2015.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sandi Toksvig
Susan Calman
Aisling Bea
Scott Penrose
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sandi Toksvig
Susan Calman
Aisling Bea
Scott Penrose
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
00:05and welcome to QI, where tonight we're doing the maths and making the money.
00:10Let's meet our mathematical masterminds.
00:12The irrational Aisling B.
00:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:18The recurring Susan Kalman.
00:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:24A prime example, Sandy Toxford.
00:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:32And the square root of F-all, Alan Davis.
00:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41So, let's get our numbers.
00:44Susan goes...
00:45One, two, three, four.
00:47Ashen goes...
00:48Two, four, six, eight.
00:51Sandy goes...
00:52Five, seven, oh, five.
00:54And Alan goes...
00:56Two, twos are six.
00:57Two, three to seven.
01:00Two, four to twenty-four.
01:03LAUGHTER
01:03Well done.
01:06It's getting worse, you know.
01:07Now, before we start, we've already done a little market research
01:11to see if many heads are better than one.
01:15We've asked a random selection of our studio audience to guess how many sweets are in this jar.
01:21And we want each member of the panel to do the same.
01:24Right?
01:25Oh.
01:25So, you can write down your thoughts.
01:28I'll come back to you at the end of the show and ask you for your best guesses.
01:31The winner will get to call themselves Smarty Pants.
01:36LAUGHTER
01:36So, what have you done there?
01:37Can I just check that they are actually sweets, first of all?
01:41Oh, yes, they really are individual chocolate beans.
01:44I've done it.
01:45I've done it already.
01:46Wow.
01:46Done it.
01:47Done it.
01:47So, they can put it away until the end of the show.
01:50Now, what was this man very good at doing with his fingers?
01:55This man being a man sitting down with the crowd.
01:59It kind of looks like you're doing the Macarena, but I don't...
02:02Is it a card trick?
02:03Is it a nothing at my sleeves?
02:05Is it one of those?
02:05It looks like that.
02:07Is the man in the middle Jesus?
02:10Uh...
02:10I know that face from somewhere.
02:12We're in the Old Testament.
02:14Oh, are we?
02:15Well...
02:15The man in the middle is Daniel.
02:17He was in a lion's den, if you remember.
02:21He was in prison and he was released from prison
02:23because he had the ability to interpret...
02:26Dreams.
02:27Dreams.
02:28And the king whose dreams he interpreted was...
02:32Happy.
02:34LAUGHTER
02:35Lastly...
02:37N...
02:37N...
02:37N...
02:37Nebuchadnezzar.
02:40Nebuchadnezzar.
02:42Who was king of...?
02:43All things around him.
02:47Babylon.
02:48He was.
02:49Yes.
02:49And the Babylonians were very good at doing what with their fingers?
02:53Gardening.
02:55LAUGHTER
02:56What's the theme?
02:57Yes, no, you're right.
02:58What's...
02:58Babylon is green fingers.
02:59What's the theme of our show tonight?
03:01Babylon is where...
03:02Mads.
03:02Mads.
03:03Yes.
03:03Yes.
03:05Babylonians...
03:05I won't say they invented mathematics exactly, but they had a counting system on their fingers,
03:10which is different from ours.
03:11How does our counting system work?
03:14One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, more, ten.
03:16And therefore, because of that, we have a decimal system based on ten.
03:22But they had a different system.
03:24They counted on their fingers differently.
03:26Well, they did then...
03:27One, two, three...
03:28They went the joints of the fingers.
03:30Yeah, the joints, yeah.
03:30One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
03:34And then they put the thumb up.
03:36Mm-hmm.
03:3613, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 2, 3, 24.
03:41Put the finger up.
03:42And so on until they got to 60, which is five iterations of 12.
03:47After that, you'd need another person.
03:49Exactly.
03:50Just as we would need another person after ten.
03:53That's the point.
03:54And they had a very successful system.
03:56Why is that important and influential?
03:59Well, it's the hours of the day, is it?
04:01Hours of the day, 60 minutes in an hour.
04:0460 minutes.
04:05But the 24 device is more than any other number.
04:07It's like two, three, four, six, eight.
04:10Oh, Alan, you're on five.
04:12And twelve.
04:13Yeah.
04:18Absolutely right.
04:19Three, four, three, four, three.
04:21Three hundred and sixty degrees in a full circle.
04:27Twelve inches to a foot.
04:30Twelve is so much more pleasing, I think.
04:31It is.
04:32Well, it's factorisable.
04:34Yeah.
04:34And therefore, it's a much more natural way.
04:37But it seems like it was some chap with more time on his hands, doesn't it?
04:40Because ten is just easy.
04:41You look at it and you think, oh, there's ten straight away.
04:42And he's thinking, yeah, but we could be more creative.
04:44We could be more creative.
04:45And he's working out, isn't he?
04:46He's got more time.
04:47But they didn't have the internet.
04:48They were just looking at their hands going, yeah.
04:50They were just looking at their hands going, yeah.
04:50He said, a Game Boy means we'll count my locals.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:54I've got a question.
04:55Yep.
04:56When you want to say to someone...
04:58One.
04:59I just want one.
05:00You know, across the room.
05:02Get me two.
05:03Get me two.
05:04How do you do that?
05:05You have to go like that?
05:07LAUGHTER
05:10Well, if you go like that, it means three.
05:11You get three of everything.
05:14It's a very interesting question.
05:17If you were Roman, that would be five, wouldn't it?
05:20It's very confusing.
05:21Yeah, the Romans, that's five.
05:22Well, you are.
05:23That's it.
05:24Now, last night, I tossed two heads at the same time.
05:29Er...
05:29What?
05:30LAUGHTER
05:32What?
05:32I don't understand.
05:33What are you doing?
05:35No, no, no.
05:36What?
05:36Yeah, no, it's fine.
05:37I misunderstood.
05:38I misunderstood.
05:40Two points at the same time.
05:42Yeah, a coin here, a coin there.
05:44I just want to know what the odds are.
05:45So, I've attempted to say one in three, but I bet it's not.
05:49Well...
05:52Erm, it's seven in ninety-four.
05:57No, you've got two coins.
05:59Yeah.
05:59There are four possible outcomes.
06:01There's heads, heads, heads, tails.
06:05Yeah.
06:06Tails, tails, and tails, heads.
06:09Tails, heads.
06:09So, it's one in four.
06:11One in four.
06:11One in four.
06:12Does it have anything to do with whether you, erm,
06:14normally toss with your right hand?
06:17LAUGHTER
06:18It's assuming it's equal.
06:20Equal toss.
06:22The thing is, it's not that difficult, the thing,
06:24to understand mathematically.
06:26But, this was given to members of parliament.
06:29As a question, in 2012, 60% of MPs got it wrong.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:36Did that include the Chancellor of the Exchequer?
06:38LAUGHTER
06:38Well, there's a split on party lines.
06:4147% of the Tories got it wrong.
06:44Mm-hm.
06:44And 77% of Labour MPs got it wrong.
06:48Now, listen, can I...
06:50I should have said this at the beginning.
06:51I have to be very honest.
06:53I'm...
06:53I'm phobic about maths.
06:56No, I understand.
06:56I was like you.
06:58I was also...
06:58My father's a mathematician, physicist,
07:00and I...
07:02was phobic about maths.
07:03Yeah.
07:04I always said, I have...
07:05No, I have...
07:05I'm allergic to maths.
07:06I don't...
07:06I can't do it.
07:07Actually, it's very beautiful, isn't it?
07:09It's really...
07:09Oh, no, I love it.
07:10I wish one could be turned on to it.
07:11Yep.
07:12I'm going to get turned on tonight to maths.
07:14All right.
07:15I think, if it's a head and a tail,
07:17that's one outcome.
07:18Yeah.
07:19And then a tail and a tail and a head and a head.
07:21I'm not counting which coin does a thing.
07:24I'm still sticking to three.
07:27Ah!
07:27And you're still wrong.
07:30LAUGHTER
07:30But I'd give them a break, though,
07:32because, like, if I was in Parliament and I was like,
07:33listen, I know you said you're going to fix the housing system
07:36and you're going to sort my benefits,
07:38but the big question is, I've got two coins.
07:40I've got one of these.
07:41I could flip them at the same time.
07:43What's the probability of each hand?
07:45Like, if he could pull that out, I'd go,
07:46you're a witch!
07:47And then...
07:47You wouldn't trust them.
07:49Do you know the story of the Professor of Mathematics
07:52at the University of Moorock, Geoffrey Hamilton,
07:54giving a lecture in the 1970s on this topic?
07:56And he was talking about probabilities
07:58and he was talking about it either coming down heads
08:00or coming down tails
08:00and how you could calculate that it was going to be
08:04either one or the other,
08:05and he tossed the coin in the air
08:06and it fell from his hand
08:08and it rolled across the lecture theatre
08:10and ended up exactly on its edge.
08:12LAUGHTER
08:13So I like the fact that there is a chance element
08:15in all these things.
08:16Oh, yeah, absolutely.
08:17Yeah.
08:18And, of course, ordinary people who are not MPs
08:21are just as fallible.
08:22In fact, 74% got it wrong.
08:25Only 3% more stupid than the Labour members.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:28At least then they're representing the common man.
08:30Yeah.
08:31You know.
08:31Yeah.
08:32But there was a third pound burger,
08:34the A&E company, the rival to McDonald's.
08:38People preferred it to the McDonald's version,
08:41but it failed.
08:42And when people were asked why they didn't buy it,
08:44they said, well, it was a car.
08:46Oh, they thought it was less than a quarter pound.
08:48They thought, you've got less meat.
08:50Right.
08:51So it's only a third, it's not a quarter.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:54And 3 is a smaller number than 4.
08:57Therefore a third of a pound must be less than a quarter of a pound.
09:01LAUGHTER
09:01Oh, my God.
09:01And this is the most powerful nation on Earth.
09:05But this is also the nation where
09:079 out of 10 high school graduates think
09:09that Joan of Arc is Noah's wife, so...
09:11LAUGHTER
09:12Yes.
09:14But on subject to probability,
09:16you've got this.
09:17It's really interesting.
09:18It's a probability issue.
09:19You want a pack of cards each.
09:22I can't catch them.
09:23Oh, well, of course.
09:24Oh, well, hell.
09:24I hope we've got something here.
09:26All right.
09:26I'm going to take the cards out
09:27and give them a good shuffle.
09:29Good shuffle.
09:29I was going to do the same.
09:30Ooh.
09:30Let's shuffle them.
09:34LAUGHTER
09:37Beautifully done.
09:40And Sandy's...
09:41Sandy's...
09:41Sandy's...
09:42Sandy's...
09:42Look at her.
09:43She's like her creepy.
09:44Jesus.
09:46Very good.
09:49Very good.
09:50Very good.
09:50Yes, there's some shuffle.
09:50Riffle shuffle.
09:52Yeah.
09:52Not a gambler.
09:53So, can you, um,
09:55shove your cards in here?
09:57Oh, all right then.
09:58All right.
10:00Is this going to be one of those
10:01Darren Brown ones
10:02where we all can't eat for a week or something?
10:03No, no, no.
10:05There you go.
10:06There you go.
10:08All right.
10:09It's just about probability.
10:11It's not...
10:11It's not a big deal.
10:12Is there anything you can't turn your hand to, Stephen?
10:13Now it's magic.
10:14Well, you haven't seen me turn my hand to anything yet.
10:17Uh, okay.
10:18And I've put my cards in as well.
10:19There we go.
10:20All right.
10:21Um, I'm getting all good shape.
10:23All right.
10:23So, you take one card out.
10:24Don't look.
10:25And if you can put it close to your, uh, chest but not...
10:28No, no, don't look.
10:29I've looked.
10:30I know what it is.
10:30Well, it doesn't matter.
10:31All right.
10:32The point is to shove it close to your chest so that...
10:34That's where you're going to...
10:41Oh, right.
10:43That's all it is.
10:44All right.
10:45So, take one out.
10:45Feel it.
10:46Yeah, random.
10:47All right.
10:48Yeah, very good.
10:49Very good.
10:49All right.
10:50I'll do the same.
10:51All right.
10:51All right.
10:52I'll do the same.
10:52I'll do the same.
10:53Okay.
10:53So, the point is about probability.
10:55The first card you choose, it could be anything.
10:57The second card, the probability it's going to be the same card is quite small.
11:01And it's even less likely that three cards will be the same and so on and so on.
11:06The chances that you get all the cards the same is about one in two billion.
11:12Now, there is a possib...
11:14There is a possibility, but a very unlikely possibility that two of the cards will be the same.
11:19Okay.
11:19So, Sandy, you'll reveal your card.
11:24Yours is a six of clubs.
11:25All right.
11:26And you reveal your...
11:27Oh, my God!
11:28Oh!
11:31Oh!
11:32Oh!
11:32Oh!
11:32You reveal yours.
11:33Oh, surely not.
11:34No!
11:35Oh, my God!
11:36And might as well!
11:37Oh, there you go.
11:38Sorry.
11:39How can that happen?
11:42There it is.
11:44Burn him.
11:45He's a witch.
11:46There you are.
11:47He's a witch.
11:47Okay.
11:48That's a very good trick.
11:49Thank you very much.
11:50Very good.
11:50Very good, Carl.
11:52Oh, you're all good.
11:57All right, there we are.
11:59Fantastic!
11:59That was really a good pitch.
12:00Oh, you're sweet.
12:02It was like Paul Daniels was in the room.
12:04Only he was in the bag.
12:08So, the chances were about one in two billion that you get all the cards the same.
12:14And it just happened this evening.
12:16I'm a mess.
12:17So, tell me now, do animals count?
12:20Do you mean in life, in a sort of sociological?
12:25They count very much in that sense.
12:28They count.
12:28But do they count in the sense of actually...
12:31Well...
12:31From what I know, there are some animals that can count.
12:36Yes.
12:36You're right.
12:37They're all lined up for Noah.
12:39I'm just saying.
12:41And that's a fact story.
12:42That's a true fact story.
12:43So...
12:45Do you have thoughts on the side of the room?
12:48Well...
12:48I can imagine a monkey can count.
12:51Surely.
12:51There must be a rhesus monkey with an accountancy degree.
12:55There must be.
12:56Spot on.
12:57Not only monkeys, but monkeys certainly are.
12:59Apparently chicks, when they hatch, can show some propensity towards being able to count.
13:04One, two, three, four, five...
13:05Because you can see their heads counting, can't you?
13:06They're like, one, two...
13:07Yeah.
13:07Yeah.
13:07Yeah.
13:09Well, let me give you a list of some of the animals that have been spotted counting.
13:14Pigeons, parrots, raccoons, ferrets, rats, salamanders, honeybees, monkeys, and apes.
13:20They've all been seen to count.
13:23Add and subtract.
13:24Mm.
13:25Rhesus monkeys, funny you should mention them, at Columbia University have shown they can arrange groups of up to nine
13:30objects.
13:31It's always rhesus monkeys.
13:32Do you not feel sorry for them?
13:33No.
13:33They always say, oh, let's teach them to speak French.
13:36I mean...
13:36Yeah, you're right.
13:38Crows and parrots can count up to five or six.
13:40Cormorants can count up to seven.
13:42Now, how do you know that?
13:43They take seven fish back to the nest.
13:46Not quite that.
13:47Something like that.
13:48Actually, Chinese fishermen have trained them to catch fish for them.
13:51And what they do is they put a rainbow on their throat so that they can't swallow fish themselves.
13:57So they catch the fish, dump them on the deck of the boat.
14:01And how they've trained them is that once they get past seven, on the eighth, they get rid of the
14:07ring and the cormorant can catch its own.
14:10I love that.
14:11When they make up their own mind.
14:12There used to be a bear at Regent's Park Zoo in the 1920s that was fed biscuits by the general
14:18public.
14:18And on Mondays it was half price and so they got a lot more biscuits.
14:21And so on Tuesdays the bear used to take the day off.
14:23Yes!
14:24That's it.
14:25Counted days.
14:26Or she counted days as a calendar.
14:29It's brilliant.
14:29I suppose it's when in need, like, you wouldn't be needing to count up stuff if you're a bear.
14:34But sometimes you'll see, maybe they need to count how many kids they have.
14:39And they can tell if one of them has gone missing.
14:42Although ducks are rubbish at that.
14:43They are.
14:44I live on a house break for many, many years.
14:46And we're forever trying to get baby ducks to join back up with mother who's just gone off.
14:51She just, she was off down to the back.
14:53Sandy, what are your stories of what you do for entertainment?
14:55Like, we used to try and convince ducks to hang out with each other.
14:59I suffer from a fatal condition, Aisling, which is posh boys, no money.
15:11That sounds absolutely awful, I think.
15:15You know what's funny about this, though, is that birds have got tiny, tiny brains.
15:19Yes.
15:19And really you would expect nothing of a bird.
15:21And yet some of the primates have got quite big brains.
15:24You'd think they'd be more than counting.
15:26And yet they don't seem to be doing more than count to five like the birds.
15:29But I don't think it's anything to do with the brain because I remember being in the desert in Africa
15:34and there were ants I was shown who apparently work out their shadow and the angle of the sun
15:39in order to get their path back home.
15:40Now, really, that's kind of trigonometry, isn't it?
15:42And you wouldn't think an ant would be doing it.
15:45But they actually use their own shadow to work out, to calculate their route.
15:50Yes.
15:50And there are mosquito fish, which is a kind of carp, and they are able to count, it seems.
15:55If they're harassed by a male, they take refuge in a shoal of other mosquito fish.
16:01They can count on their female fish.
16:02Yeah, but they can detect the difference between just one or two, or two or three, or three or four.
16:07They can't tell the difference between four and five.
16:10So, you know, it's basically a small amount.
16:12They can tell.
16:13And they hide in the largest number.
16:14It may be because the male mosquito fish has the largest penis of any fish.
16:20Oh, God.
16:21Relative to its body.
16:2270% of its length.
16:24And it's barbed.
16:25I don't think it's possible to come on this program and not discuss the penis.
16:28No, it isn't.
16:30No, but I've got a breath in my body.
16:39Now, why do bankers give a damn what people think of them?
16:45Because they're psychopaths and they lack empathy.
16:47Yeah.
16:48One in ten people who work on Wall Street have psychopathic taint, apparently.
16:53This is true, yes.
16:54But that leaves 90% perfectly fine, doesn't it?
16:56Yeah.
16:57It must be, because in their world it all seems fine, what they do.
17:02That's probably true, but there's a funny thing about money.
17:06Are you aware of that Hollywood phrase?
17:07I think it was William Goldman, follow the money.
17:10You follow the money when you watch a movie.
17:12So, if you see a movie and someone you know has a suitcase full of money,
17:16everyone, you can register it.
17:18Watch their eyes move.
17:20People watch the money.
17:22You can't help it.
17:23It's very human.
17:24You know, the first time you get a load of cash in your hand, which occasionally I have,
17:28it's just...
17:28That's the point.
17:29You know that scene in...
17:30What's the one where Demi Moore rolls around the bed on the money?
17:34Indecent proposal.
17:35And she puts all...
17:36I've done that.
17:39Which William Goldman knows as a...
17:41It's like 40 quid.
17:41But it does feel...
17:43It does feel...
17:45If you get...
17:45The 50p is going to change.
17:47It's all sexy.
17:48That's the point of our question.
17:49That's the point of our...
17:51That's the point of our question.
17:53Oh.
17:53The physical proximity to money changes the way you feel.
17:57It seems that you can prove that being close to money makes you care less about what people think of
18:03you.
18:04That must be quite a new thing, because money's quite new.
18:06They used to be like...
18:07You know, you used to, when you had a good night, come home and throw chickens on yourself, because that
18:11was easy.
18:12Yeah.
18:13But now it's cash.
18:15But let me take you through the experiment.
18:17Test subjects were asked who they wanted to work with.
18:20They were told randomly either that everyone else wanted to work with them, or they were told that nobody did.
18:26So half the subjects felt rejected by their peers, half felt reinforced.
18:32Now, some of the subjects have been previously exposed to money.
18:34They were just told it was a test of manual dexterity.
18:37Could you count out this money very fast?
18:40And the other half were asked the same question, but it was...
18:44It was a blank paper.
18:45The ones who had handled the money were not offended when told that nobody wanted to work with them.
18:51Oh, God.
18:51The ones that had handled the paper were offended.
18:54I've got a Scottish fiver.
18:58Come in here, trying to buy England.
19:06It's a status thing, maybe it turns you...
19:09Yeah, exactly. Money makes people feel more confident.
19:10I think it makes you feel...
19:12It can make you feel safer.
19:13Even if it isn't yours?
19:14Yeah, because you can buy your way out of any trouble, as we all know.
19:17It's just, you just buy your way...
19:19Really?
19:20Yeah.
19:23So it makes you feel safer, I think, perhaps.
19:26Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?
19:27And they also used money to test people feigning blindness.
19:31If someone says, I'm blind, and they go, all right, let's test your blindness.
19:36Can't see anything.
19:37Oh, wait.
19:37Read this.
19:38Can't see it, can't see it, can't see it.
19:39And then you wave a £50 note in front of them.
19:42They go, oh, wow.
19:44A £50 note doesn't work, but a £50 note is almost impossible.
19:48It's clearly a test not done by the NHS who don't have a £50 note.
19:51Well, there was an ophthalmic optician who didn't have, so instead he put a post-it note on his forehead
19:56saying,
19:56go, fuck yourself.
19:58LAUGHTER
19:58That means, similarly, people couldn't help looking at it.
20:01LAUGHTER
20:01Now, what illegal substance can be found in the pockets of most of our audience,
20:07and how did it get there?
20:08Cocaine.
20:10LAUGHTER
20:10Cos it's on bank note.
20:12Is the right answer.
20:13Yes.
20:13Yes, absolutely.
20:15APPLAUSE
20:16Most of our audience...
20:18Most of our audience have residue of cocaine in...
20:21I can see everyone shuffling around, going, well, they're...
20:23Licking their money.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:25More than 99% of banknotes in circulation have detectable cocaine.
20:32What?
20:33It's why drug dogs sometimes have difficulty in identifying,
20:37cos I'd get the sleeper tree home and there's always a drug dog there.
20:40Eh, not for me, it's not, I just...
20:42LAUGHTER
20:43Cos it's a good way of smuggling drugs up to... up north, the sleeper tree.
20:47You don't want to go on the... you want to get an actual mule.
20:51LAUGHTER
20:52Nobody is going to expect...
20:55...somebody to have drugs on a mule.
20:58LAUGHTER
20:58It's too obvious, isn't it?
21:01I'd love someone arriving into Glasgow on a mule.
21:03On a mule.
21:04Nothing to see.
21:05All right, lads.
21:06LAUGHTER
21:08Can you clean it off? I mean, I don't want it to.
21:10It's not really, no.
21:11Put a hairdryer over it and you could blow the dust off, maybe.
21:14No one did.
21:14There used to be a hotel, Stephen, in New York, where the concierge was famous for washing all the coins.
21:19And if you didn't like the coins in your pocket every evening, you'd put them in a little jar and
21:23you'd wash them for you.
21:23And I can't think which one that was.
21:24Are there hotels where they don't do that?
21:27LAUGHTER
21:28I don't know.
21:29A cash with no money.
21:30I have no idea.
21:31Horrible.
21:32Now, let's leave the filthy mule.
21:34What do moon starers do?
21:36And why might they call themselves that?
21:38Well, the clue would appear to be in the question.
21:41LAUGHTER
21:43It's too obvious.
21:44I'd say they watch bare arses all the time.
21:47LAUGHTER
21:48Is it, Stephen, this is an anagram of astronomers?
21:52Yay!
21:52Points to you.
21:58It's not an anagram.
21:59It's an aptagram.
22:01Sorry.
22:01Oh!
22:03I'll never win, Sandy Tom's regular!
22:07What's an aptagram?
22:08An aptagram is an anagram where the word means roughly the same.
22:12Like Apple, Macintosh and laptop machines.
22:16Semolina is no meal.
22:17Yeah.
22:18Yeah.
22:18Yes, moon starer is an anagram of astronomers.
22:22In what time in history was that a relevant thing, the idea of anagrams and astronomers?
22:29Well, it must have been around the time of Galileo, surely.
22:32It was indeed, the early 17th century.
22:34But he wouldn't have spoken English, so why would he have changed his name to moon starer?
22:39This is an example of an anagram.
22:41He...
22:42He didn't use English anagrams, he used...
22:47Grrrrrreee Latin.
22:49Latin...
22:51There it is.
22:52Why would they have used Arse Magna, great art?
22:56Oh, and that's moon as the Arse.
22:58And Arse Magna is an anagram of anagrams.
23:02Oh!
23:03So, yeah.
23:04But anyway...
23:04Because the church took a dim view of them.
23:07Not because of the church, although the church did take a dim view of what he did.
23:10I like his very casual approach to the telescope.
23:12He's just sort of...
23:14Now I'm going to have a cigarette, and now I'm going to look again.
23:17Was it just to make the whole thing more fun?
23:20If only it was that.
23:20In fact, even in his day, there was scientific rivalry.
23:24Yeah.
23:25So if you discovered something, and you wanted to tell a friend about it,
23:28you didn't want anyone else to intercept the news,
23:30you gave it in anagram form.
23:32It's like codes at school.
23:34Yes, it is.
23:35Exactly that.
23:35Do you think they ever used to, like, rub around the telescope with ink,
23:38and then run around and they'd be like,
23:39Oh, what's that?
23:40Oh, no!
23:41Oh, my God!
23:43Who was his great rival and friend?
23:46Is it an anagram?
23:47No.
23:48No, it wasn't Copernicus.
23:49It was Kepler.
23:50Oh.
23:50And he sent him an anagram because he'd discovered the rings of Saturn in 1610.
23:55Pffft!
23:56Yeah.
23:57They're not Saturn.
23:58That's your range.
23:59Oh, yeah.
24:01Sorry, I'm laughing at the wrong one.
24:05I think one of them was funny.
24:09And he sent Kepler this.
24:12Oh, my.
24:13Oh, my.
24:16It's pretty obvious what he's got.
24:20That's what he's putting there.
24:21Yep.
24:22That's...
24:22I think he's embarrassed asking you to say what it is.
24:25I feel bad.
24:27It's more important that the audience work out.
24:30Yeah, you're right.
24:30I don't want to spoil the joy for you.
24:32You're right.
24:33It's a Latin phrase.
24:34It actually is anagram...
24:36I discovered the rings of Saturn.
24:38Yes, it is that.
24:39Yeah.
24:40Altissimum planetam tergimonum observavi.
24:44Okay.
24:44I've observed the highest planet to be triplets.
24:47Does he mean he's seen the moons of it or something?
24:49What does he mean by triplets?
24:50Well, he thought they were moons but in fact we now know them to be rings.
24:53Wow.
24:53That must have been so exciting.
24:55Do you not think?
24:55It must have been so thrilling.
24:57Just that one moment when that suddenly has happened and nobody else has seen it.
25:01I think it's quite clever.
25:02I didn't even have thought about it.
25:03But they worked out their planets because they were moving across the sky and the stars weren't.
25:07That's the first thing that made them think.
25:09Oh, I know.
25:10Something was a foot.
25:11And that's what...
25:11That one moved.
25:13That star moved.
25:14It's not a star.
25:14It's Jupiter.
25:14Yeah.
25:15And planet is from the Greek for wanderer.
25:18It means a wanderer.
25:19Oh.
25:19They do this thing in...
25:21I don't know if they're still doing it but they did it for a long time.
25:22Once a month in Reykjavik, the government would turn out all the street lighting and there
25:27would be a lecture on the public radio about the stars.
25:30People would go outside and they'd got rid of all the ambient light and you could look
25:34up and listen to the public lecture about what you were looking at.
25:37Do you not think that would be one of the...
25:38No.
25:40Down the guzz.
25:41But in terms of anagrams, this isn't an anagram.
25:43It's actually a limerick composed by someone which I invite you to recite to me.
25:49Oh.
25:49See if you can.
25:51Eh?
25:52Yes.
25:53That's a shock, isn't it?
25:54Yes.
25:55And you can do it.
25:56Can you?
25:57Yes, you can.
25:58It is a limerick.
25:58Okay.
25:59You have to ask yourself what these numbers are.
26:02They have some other...
26:03A dozen and 12 dozen.
26:05But 144 is also called a...
26:08Gross.
26:09So, a dozen of gross, a score...
26:13That's three times the square root of four...
26:17Divided by seven.
26:19All right.
26:19So, you're doing well.
26:20Plus five.
26:21Whoa, whoa.
26:22Calm down.
26:24You want to have to slap you.
26:27Oh, my lord.
26:29I was in the episode of QI where Steve had just slapped me.
26:33So, there's not enough to be a limerick.
26:35It has to be true.
26:36What's nine squared?
26:3881.
26:39Yeah.
26:39And, as you know, 12 plus 144 plus 20 plus three times the square root of four over seven,
26:45plus five times eleven, is...
26:481136.
26:491136.
26:4981.
26:5081.
26:50So, say it again as a limerick.
26:52You can do it now.
26:53Yes.
26:54Go on.
26:54Go on, Susan.
26:55A dozen...
26:56A dozen...
26:57A dozen...
26:58A dozen of gross...
26:58A dozen of grossing a score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by seven,
27:05plus five times eleven, equals nine squared, plus not a bit more.
27:10There you are.
27:11There you are.
27:11Well done.
27:17It was a guy called Lee Mercer who came up with that.
27:19This is rather good.
27:2012 plus one, yes, equals eleven plus two?
27:23It does.
27:23Yeah, but in what other ways does 12 plus one equals eleven plus two?
27:27Oh, is it an anagram, then?
27:28They're anagrams of each other.
27:30Twelve plus one, written out, is an anagram of eleven plus two.
27:35Wow, you really have had too much time on your hands.
27:37Yes, it is.
27:38These were worked out by Nelson Mandela and Robin Ireland.
27:42I think they're rather fabulous.
27:45They are, right?
27:46They're marvelous.
27:46All right.
27:47Okay.
27:48Now, what's the biggest mistake anyone's ever made with a pencil?
27:53No.
27:53Oh, I say.
27:54No.
27:55It's got to be a miscalculation or something.
27:57Well...
27:58Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
28:03ah, ah, ah, ah.
28:03No, no.
28:04Lead poisoning?
28:05Yes?
28:05It's not a historical miscalculation?
28:08No.
28:08It's astonishing.
28:09It took place in New York.
28:11In the nineties, it was.
28:13Oh.
28:13I'd say that.
28:14Is that the pencil waxing?
28:18I'm just...
28:19That's calculating with a pencil.
28:21I eased it in!
28:24I eased it in, and it was all fine.
28:27It's chapter four. I eased it and it was all fun.
28:32In 1998, there was a problem with pencils.
28:35Problem with pencils?
28:37A pencil problem with pencils.
28:39There's no reason for you to guess what it was.
28:42I went to the pencil museum in Keswick.
28:46What a museum that is.
28:48No, it's seriously and they've got a hall of fame of famous people that have visited.
28:52The Phil Jupiter's is on it.
28:53I've been there.
28:54It is a very good museum.
28:55It's a lovely museum.
28:57It's not that.
28:58Pencils given to children.
29:00Ah!
29:01Drugs.
29:01Was it the one?
29:02It's time for drugs.
29:05They printed for children pencils that said do not use drugs on them
29:10and when they sharpened them eventually it said use drugs.
29:15You're right.
29:17Very good.
29:18That's hilarious.
29:19They say here, too cool to do drugs.
29:23You shave it.
29:24Yeah.
29:25And it goes cool to do drugs.
29:28And then you shave it again and it goes do drugs.
29:32There you are.
29:33It was a bit of a mistake.
29:35Well done, Sandy.
29:36So, other mistakes include in 1945 the Arkansas legislature accidentally repealed all their laws at once.
29:44With a pencil?
29:45No.
29:46They had an act with the words all laws and parts of laws and particularly act 33 the act of
29:531941 are hereby repealed.
29:55They just meant the particular one but it legally meant all their laws.
30:01And then in 2003 the German agency responsible for TV licenses sent a series of reminders to St. Walburga to
30:09pay her license fee.
30:12Oh, she died in 777.
30:16Never having paid for her license.
30:18He didn't stop them asking.
30:20And then in the Australian Morning Bulletin, which of course is called The Bully,
30:27they said there was an error printed in a story titled Pigs float down the Dawson on page 11 of
30:33yesterday's Bully.
30:34The story by reporter Daniel Burden said that more than 30,000 pigs were floating down the Dawson River.
30:41Actually, what the owner of the piggery said was that 30 sows and pigs.
30:47LAUGHTER
30:50If I had to apologise for the error.
30:54Rather tragically, a group of volunteers in 1992 in France who had volunteered to get rid of graffiti in the
31:00caves
31:01and they had a great big scrub away at a cave.
31:04Oh, no, not ancient cave paintings.
31:07A 15,000-year-old bison painting, yeah, exactly.
31:11You'd be really kicking yourself up there.
31:12Yeah.
31:15I was telling you about the law in Ireland recently.
31:19There were two within the one week.
31:20The first one was where drugs were legal for 48 hours.
31:24Oh, yes.
31:24And people, like, just went nuts.
31:26Well, they didn't go nuts.
31:27They said, we're going to go nuts but we won't really just in case we get in trouble.
31:29LAUGHTER
31:30And then the other one was the translation of the Marriage Act in English,
31:36the translation in Gaelic, technically, because of the way it was worded,
31:41forbid marriage between a man and a woman.
31:43It said, marriage is between men or women.
31:47LAUGHTER
31:47But it's not between men and women.
31:49So it technically made all marriage illegal.
31:51They had to twist over that one as well.
31:52LAUGHTER
31:53So, now, why did failure to sell mirrors massively improve modern media?
32:00Because you can't put a mirror on a selfie stick.
32:02LAUGHTER
32:03Well, selfies, oddly enough, are rather close to it.
32:06A medieval version of selfies, at least.
32:09Maybe.
32:09We're going back to the mid-15th century.
32:13People used to go on...
32:15Pilgrimages.
32:16Pilgrimages.
32:16And a pilgrimage was a visit to a holy place where there would be...
32:22Sandwiches.
32:23LAUGHTER
32:24There would be sandwiches but what were you going to see?
32:27Some kind of shrine.
32:28Shrine, a shrine, relics.
32:29Relics.
32:30Relics.
32:30I love a good relic.
32:31Bones, material, bits of beard, bits of body, bits of the true cross,
32:36bits of all kinds of stuff.
32:38And they were so popular that you might go there
32:40and you couldn't even get close to it.
32:42So you'd hold up a selfie stick, as it were.
32:44It wouldn't be a selfie stick.
32:45It would be...
32:46It would be a box with a lid and the lid was a mirror.
32:50And the mirror would see the relic.
32:53And the beams and the rays would hit the mirror
32:55and go down into the box and you'd close the box and you'd go home
32:59and it contained the images in your head, at least, of the holy relics.
33:04Seriously?
33:05One of the best pieces of medieval marketing I've ever...
33:09Yeah!
33:09And this particular man was making mirrors
33:13and he made these mirrors for Aachen.
33:16And Aachen had Mary's robe from the night Jesus was born.
33:19It had Jesus' swaddling clothes.
33:21It had the cloth in which John the Baptist's head was wrapped
33:24after he was decapitated.
33:27The loincloth Jesus wore on the cross.
33:29So this person we're talking about made mirrors for pilgrims
33:34to go to Aachen.
33:35But unfortunately he didn't sell any.
33:37So he went back to his hometown of Mainz
33:40and in 1450 he produced something that changed the world forever.
33:47A print...a stamp?
33:49A print...a print version, Stephen, of what he'd see...
33:53Print?
33:54Postcards!
33:55No!
33:55Sandy, that's kind of my idea!
33:57Stephen, your marks!
33:58What?
33:58He created printing.
34:00He created the printed word.
34:01Oh!
34:02Johan Gutenberg!
34:03Thank you, audience!
34:07Oh!
34:07Johannes Gutenberg!
34:09In 1450 he created the Gutenberg Bible
34:11and then other books he created.
34:13Oh, yes!
34:13It changed the world totally.
34:15But unfortunately the mistake was he went to basically
34:17a kind of dragon's den who funded him.
34:21He took a wine press.
34:23He converted the wine press into a letter press to create books.
34:27Then you had a Duncan Bannertine character.
34:29I'm out.
34:29Yeah, but his investors...
34:30Don't like it.
34:31You have to take off.
34:32I like your mirrors better.
34:33Well, they took all the money.
34:35The investors, the dragons took all the money.
34:37He died destitute in 1468.
34:40Wow.
34:41Very sad.
34:42The most influential figure of his age in those terms.
34:45One of the first printers in Britain was called Winken de Word.
34:48Yes, he was.
34:49Do you think that's so delightful?
34:49There's a society, a Winken society.
34:51Winken society, yeah.
34:52And then, of course, Caxton was the other great one.
34:55But, yeah.
34:56Before he invented the printed press,
34:58Gutenberg was a failed mirror maker.
35:01And so he entered the mad world of mangled misconceptions
35:04that we call general ignorance.
35:07And given the show's theme,
35:09we've even spent a bit of money on a mathematical machine.
35:13Ooh.
35:14Ooh.
35:14Yeah.
35:14You'd be impressed with that.
35:16Ooh.
35:17Ooh.
35:18It looks like a happy face has taken a load of drugs.
35:22It does a bit, doesn't it?
35:23Yeah.
35:24But what is it, Stephen?
35:26Well, I just want to know who first proved the theorem
35:29that this model demonstrates.
35:31Pythagoras.
35:32Pythagoras.
35:33Oh!
35:37My grandfather who was from Hungary
35:40always pronounced it Peter Gores
35:42at school doing the mathematics
35:46are you studying Peter Gores?
35:47I taught this man Peter Gores
35:49who is Peter?
35:51No it wasn't Peter Gores who first proved it
35:54What is the theorem that needs to be discussed here?
35:58A squared equals B squared plus C squared
36:00Yeah, yeah
36:01The sum of the two, the squared of two squared is equal to some of the hypotheses
36:05That big one should go into the other two
36:07So you can see here the yellow, that's the triangle
36:11These are its two sides
36:13and these are the squares of the two sides
36:15They're literally geometrically expressed as squares
36:18rather than just mathematically as if that was say X
36:22it's just not X squared
36:23but it's literally the square there
36:25and there's Y squared
36:27and it's supposedly equal to Z squared
36:29which is the longer side, the hypotenuse
36:31because here's the right angle
36:32here
36:33these are not right angles obviously
36:37and there's that
36:38how can we show they're equal
36:39well there are all kinds of ways
36:41but here's one way
36:42Drum roll please
36:44Oh yes
36:47All right, let's go
36:51Oh that's very clever
36:53There it goes
36:54Pouring into the first square
36:56Wow
36:56Yeah, expensive
36:57Is he going to fill it up?
36:58Oh
36:59Oh, well it definitely equals X square
37:02Yes
37:03Does it equal Y squared as well?
37:05I need to go to the toilet
37:06No, I can't think of it
37:09There's Y squared
37:09It's filling up
37:10It's spinning up
37:11It's spinning up
37:11It's spinning up
37:12It's full
37:12Oh no, really?
37:14Oh no, really?
37:17Isn't that satisfactory?
37:21Highly satisfactory
37:22It's the first theorem most people learn at school
37:25It's Pythagoras' theorem by name
37:28but it wasn't
37:28It was used many, many years before him
37:31It used it to build buildings
37:33and Euclid demonstrated it before him
37:36But we give it the name of Pythagoras
37:38Who is Euclid then?
37:39Who was he before?
37:40He's the father of mathematics
37:42Euclid
37:42Oh, was he?
37:43Or Euclid
37:44Before him, nothing
37:46The greatest
37:47Yeah, well done to Euclid
37:48We love Euclid
37:49So, let's take this model away
37:51And here it is
37:52It's a serious form
37:54APPLAUSE
37:58Now, by the end of Elizabeth I's reign
38:01there was a really extraordinary number of English dukes
38:04Five points, five points for every one you can name
38:07Just that's another one
38:08Oh, lads
38:09Norfolk
38:10Oh, Norfolk
38:13Cambridge
38:15Cambridge
38:15Cambridge
38:16No
38:18Hazard
38:18Jeeps of Hazard
38:20Hazard
38:21Hazard
38:22LAUGHTER
38:25APPLAUSE
38:25APPLAUSE
38:28Is it some devilish trick and there aren't any at all?
38:31Well, I said it was an extraordinary number
38:32but the extraordinary number is none
38:34Oh!
38:35Exactly
38:36No dukes
38:37LAUGHTER
38:38I fell for that one, eh?
38:41By the end of her reign there were certainly no royal dukes
38:45because royal dukes are an issue of the monarch essentially
38:49and there weren't any
38:50because Queen Elizabeth was a virgin queen who didn't marry
38:53and there were also no other dukes
38:57Are dukes always the children of the queen or king?
39:00Royal dukes are
39:01Royal dukes
39:01But other dukes aren't
39:02We have dukes of Marlborough, dukes of Baclue and so on
39:06And they were always into music and that's where you get the duke box
39:09Which is...
39:11LAUGHTER
39:11I think you've understood it a hundred percent
39:14LAUGHTER
39:15There weren't very many peers by the time Queen Elizabeth died
39:19There was one Marquis, 18 earls and 37 adult peers
39:22We couldn't hear
39:23Not...
39:24That hadn't been built yet
39:25So even that didn't exist
39:26I know, it's a shocking thing
39:28But, yeah
39:28The best peerage joke connected to Queen Elizabeth I
39:32was told by John Aubrey
39:34whose diaries are fantastic
39:35and this involves the Earl of Oxford
39:36who some people think wrote the plays of Shakespeare
39:39He didn't
39:48Um...
39:49LAUGHTER
39:50At which he was so abashed and ashamed
39:52that he went to travel seven years
39:55LAUGHTER
39:57On his return
39:58The Queen welcomed him home and said
40:01My Lord, I had forgot the fart
40:04LAUGHTER
40:06Well, there you are
40:07Yeah, good
40:08In the early 17th century
40:09there were no dukes in England at all
40:11And that is very nearly all we have time for
40:14However, we still have to see
40:15if the QI audience has solved the sweet jar challenge
40:19LAUGHTER
40:19Um...
40:20Because what we wanted to do
40:22was to take their average
40:24The idea is
40:25we would arrive at the wisdom of crowds
40:28There's a man called Francis Galton
40:30who first came up with that phrase
40:32He went to a fair
40:33and it was a kind of question of Wayne the Pig
40:35and no-one individually got it right
40:38but he noticed that if you added up all the guesses
40:41and divided them to get the average
40:43it was exactly on the weight
40:46Wow
40:46We're hoping we'll get that here
40:48So, reveal yourselves
40:49What have you come up with?
40:511,500
40:546,024,000
40:56LAUGHTER
40:56I put 1,000 underneath it though
40:58because I realised I'd really miscalculated
41:00when I saw Sandy's
41:01Right
41:03Right
41:031,000 is my answer
41:051,966...12
41:08Yeah, just in case
41:09Just in case what?
41:10Just in case what I see
41:12isn't what it appears to be
41:14Or...
41:15Weird
41:16Oh, clever
41:18clever, clever, clever
41:19OK, so the average
41:21of the audience's guess is 2,412
41:27The actual number of Smarties in that jar
41:31is 3,890
41:34So, the audience are the closest
41:36Congratulations
41:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:40And that confirms the wisdom of tribes
41:43So, the time has come to tally up the scores
41:46Oh, my actual, oh, my actual
41:48So, in first place with a magnificent two points
41:52It's Aisling Bean
41:53Oh!
41:54Oh!
41:55Oh!
41:58And with an earth-shattering zero
42:01It's Sandy Doxby
42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:07And more than respectable
42:08Minus six, Susan Kalman
42:10LAUGHTER
42:11Thank you
42:12Thank you
42:15And on his terms
42:16He's really quite handsome
42:17Minus 43, Alan Davies
42:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:27Good night
42:28Good night from Susan Sandy
42:29Aisling, Alan and me
42:30And I'll leave you with this dark observation
42:32from Joseph Stalin
42:34My favourite dictator
42:36And...
42:38The people who cast the votes decide nothing
42:40The people who count the votes decide everything
42:44Good night
42:45Good night
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