- 12 hours ago
First broadcast 30th October 2015.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
David Mitchell
Sue Perkins
Sami Shah
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
David Mitchell
Sue Perkins
Sami Shah
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05And welcome to QI, which tonight is a melange of M places.
00:12Joining me on my metropolitan meander are the eminent Sue Perkins.
00:20The empowered Sammy Shah.
00:26The emphatic David Mitchell.
00:31And the frankly embarrassing Alan Davies.
00:40Their buzzes celebrate some of the most magnificent M's on the map.
00:46Sue goes...
00:47When I was walking in Memphis.
00:50Sammy goes...
00:51I'm going to Miami.
00:55David goes...
00:56And the lights all went down in Massachusetts.
01:04And Alan goes...
01:06Glory, glory, Man United!
01:11Oh, don't you like that?
01:13Don't you like that?
01:14Oh, try again.
01:15Oh...
01:16Hey, Man United!
01:18We only hate Man United!
01:24So, which of the following M places is made up?
01:29There they are.
01:30Misak Setafet, the mountains of Kong, made up Arura...
01:41I'm going to say made up Arura only because it has made up literally in its name.
01:52There's some logic there, and you're new to QI, and I'd like to be merciful, but I'm not going to.
01:56All right, fair enough.
01:56But, in a sense, all names are made up, aren't they?
02:07Welcome to the logically ruthless world of David.
02:12You sound like that, I'm sorry.
02:14But, no, of course you're right now.
02:16You're right.
02:17But which one is not existing, but we have...
02:20The Mountains of Kong sounds like it's from fiction.
02:22That sounds totally made up.
02:24Mountains of Kong?
02:25You're right.
02:26You're right.
02:27Though, it was made up in a way that was utterly convincing for a hundred years.
02:31It's not like something from Flash Gordon or something like that.
02:33No, it's earlier than that, it was a cartographer, who was a highly respected figure, who was just imagining them.
02:41It was a chain of mountains all the way across Africa, below the Sahara, and before what you might call
02:47darkest Africa.
02:48Sub-Saharan Africa, as we now say.
02:50And this, right up to 1895, this was in Atlases.
02:54He was called James Rennell, and he was a very respected figure.
02:58And he...
02:59Until someone went skiing in the Mountains of Kong.
03:03Well, the effect of it was that nobody...
03:05Should be here somewhere.
03:06The effect of it was that nobody dreamt or thought of passing this barrier and going through to the rest
03:12of Africa.
03:13Yeah.
03:13They had obviously navigated the coast.
03:15There was the slave routes, which were all the way further down.
03:18But everyone thought that from the north, you couldn't get through.
03:20What did he do?
03:21Spill something on the map?
03:23That's quite possible, isn't it?
03:24Oh, bollocks.
03:25I'll call it the mountains of...
03:28Kong.
03:28Yeah.
03:28But who...
03:29Who gets to name?
03:31Who gets the honour of naming a thing?
03:32If you chance upon it, can you call it...
03:35Yeah.
03:36Kong Mountains or Jimmy Hill or...
03:38Or you name it in the case of David Livingstone, you call it Lake Victoria, after your dear Queen and
03:44all that sort of thing.
03:45It's difficult to name it after yourself, isn't it?
03:48Yeah, it is.
03:48You name it after someone and say, the thing to do as an explorer would be to get there and
03:52then ask your assistant explorer if they can think of a name.
03:57Yeah.
03:58While reminding them how they got that job.
04:00Yes.
04:01Oh, no, me?
04:02Really?
04:03Oh, you can't be.
04:04Yes.
04:04Well, he called someone Blantyre, for example, which is where he was born in Scotland, Livingstone.
04:08But you do run out, don't you?
04:10It's a bit like, well, the naming of waifs and strays, orphan children at the Foundling Hospital in London.
04:16Oh.
04:17It's a rather wonderful place to visit.
04:18And there's a plaque with names of all these children who turned up, who were orphans, or babies mostly, left
04:25by their mothers.
04:26And after a while, the committee for naming them just got bored.
04:30Whatever.
04:30And to, uh, Josiah Table.
04:35Charlotte Skye.
04:36I mean, it's just awful.
04:38He just, oh, I got my arm.
04:39John Thing.
04:40Yes.
04:41John, John Thing the second.
04:43John Thing the second.
04:44Other Thing.
04:45Brenda couldn't give a toss.
04:47No, 402.
04:51But made up Arura exists in the Maldives.
04:55It's an island in the Ra Atoll.
04:57Well, it won't exist for long, then.
05:00Because it's very low.
05:02Yes, absolutely.
05:03There it is.
05:04Cover more coal-fired power stations, and it'll be made up Arura again.
05:10What about Messac Setafet?
05:13It's a fine tennis player.
05:16Is it Egypt?
05:19Not actually in Egypt, but not so many.
05:21Crocsha.
05:22Million miles away.
05:23It's in the Sahara, is what I'm trying to say.
05:26It's in the Sahara.
05:27And it is known as containing more tools than any other place on Earth.
05:32Apart from Made in Chelsea.
05:33In certain cities.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:37APPLAUSE
05:40You may say, oh, a lot of tools.
05:42Well, that's not very interesting.
05:43But 75 artefacts per square metre is almost 200 million per square mile.
05:49This is a staggering amount of man-made...
05:52These things like hand axes.
05:54Yes.
05:54That sort of old tools.
05:55All those kind of things.
05:56Over 100,000 years or so.
05:58Local sandstone was ideal.
06:00Is that...is that Saharan language, whatever it is, for home base?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:06It was the right kind of rock.
06:09Clay tools are up.
06:10They bought a lot of flint a day before the strimmer was invented.
06:14Yeah.
06:15LAUGHTER
06:15According to Dr Robert Foley of Cambridge University,
06:18the rock extracted from Africa by humans
06:20to make tools over the last million years
06:22would be enough to build three great pyramids of Giza
06:25for every square mile of the entire continent.
06:30Which is one way of expressing that there were a lot of them.
06:32There was a lot more Africa
06:35before early man turned it into tools.
06:38Well, it's still...
06:38LAUGHTER
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41It's now loose.
06:42No, most of it's in museums.
06:43Pyramids and pyramids are in museums.
06:47Yeah.
06:47And in a big heap in Mesac set of it.
06:49LAUGHTER
06:50But there must have been...
06:50Probably the mountains of Kong were there.
06:54LAUGHTER
06:55They were just...they just make tools.
06:57APPLAUSE
07:00Very good indeed.
07:03So, where's Merv?
07:04Well, what's Merv? Where is Merv? Where is Merv? Where could Merv?
07:06It's usually a fielding on the boundary.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08What are you talking about?
07:09Merv!
07:10Merv used Merv the Swerve.
07:13Yeah.
07:14No, it's not that.
07:15It genuinely was a place.
07:16Where's Merv?
07:17I don't know.
07:18Well, it was a city.
07:19It was a city.
07:19Is that Merv?
07:20The earliest city is supposed to be Ur, isn't it?
07:23Yeah, that's just...
07:24They're like, what should we name it Ur?
07:28It's like the first stage of sophistication beyond Ur.
07:32Yeah.
07:33You've got Ur, I, E, and E.
07:35And then you make that Merv.
07:38Swerve!
07:41Merv was on the legendary Silk Road.
07:44Okay.
07:45Trading route.
07:46So China...
07:46China and India.
07:48India and Pakistan.
07:49Exactly.
07:50Through your...
07:50Yeah, through my neck of the woods, if you will.
07:53Good old Merv used to go there for chai.
07:59There's a guy there who makes an amazing naan and, you know.
08:03Nutsford.
08:05Naan, lovely.
08:07Yeah.
08:08But surely, chai is disgusting.
08:10Chai is tea!
08:12It's hot, sweet, melted tea.
08:14It's only your fault we have that.
08:17Have you ever asked chai before the British game?
08:20I'll have some chai, please, but without sugar.
08:22Why would you ask without sugar?
08:24OK, that's genuinely an insult, which is, yeah, it's punishable.
08:27Uh-oh.
08:29I mean, I'm not going to get type 2 diabetes.
08:31David, it's only been here ten minutes.
08:32If you don't want...
08:34If you want to commit to type 2 diabetes,
08:36then you shouldn't have chai in the first place.
08:38I've learnt that.
08:39Fair enough.
08:39Painful.
08:40Let's get back to my oasis.
08:43It was arguably the largest city in the world,
08:45had a population of 200,000 people.
08:48This isn't...
08:48We're going back from 1150s to 1200, that sort of thing.
08:52They're quieter now, though, by the look of it.
08:54Well, yes.
08:55LAUGHTER
08:57It's just a man...
08:58Ever since they've built the railway...
09:01LAUGHTER
09:02Since they've built the freeway...
09:05That's what happened when they got the bypass.
09:06The bottom fell out of the market for green stuff.
09:10LAUGHTER
09:14But it all sounds a bit George RR Martin, actually,
09:17because it changed hands between the Khwarazmians of Kiva,
09:22the Guz and the Gurids.
09:23And the Dothraki.
09:25Yeah.
09:25And the Dothraki, yeah.
09:26In 1221, they surrendered to the Mongols,
09:29which was a big mistake.
09:30Didn't everyone surrender to the Mongols around then?
09:33Well...
09:33I don't think surrendering was the right word, though.
09:36Didn't they have a choice in the matter?
09:37Not really, and the result was they were all massacred.
09:39Every one of them killed.
09:40Yeah.
09:41Disaster.
09:42The Mongols understand the basics.
09:44Yeah, the Mongols were not kind or polite.
09:46Yeah.
09:46Bad Mongols.
09:47We might come to them later.
09:48Who knows?
09:49But the closest modern city to Merv is in Turkmenistan,
09:54and it's called Mary.
09:55I like that.
09:56The city called Mary.
09:58Why do you think it's called Mary?
09:59Um, why is it called Mary?
10:00Oh, because, uh, Catholic missionaries, or...?
10:03No, it's because they believe that's where the mother of Jesus,
10:06uh, was, was buried.
10:09LAUGHTER
10:12Why would the mother of Jesus have gone quite such a long way
10:16to be buried?
10:17A long way from Nazareth.
10:18Yeah.
10:18Because she wasn't as much of a celebrity then as she said.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:22I mean, nowadays it would be no problem for it to sort it out.
10:26You could get a sponsorship deal.
10:27Richard Brackness would have to leave a helicopter anywhere
10:30into the world to be married.
10:32But in those days, it's just a long trek.
10:34It was a long trek.
10:35With no-one really taking any notice of you.
10:36She's just another dead Mary, isn't she?
10:39Was it?
10:40Maybe it was just a random...
10:41Are they sure it's the right Mary?
10:43Well, it could be another,
10:44because there was all kinds of Marys around.
10:45Yes.
10:46It was like Brighton.
10:48It was just full of Marys.
10:50But, um...
10:51So, thank you for getting that if you did.
10:53LAUGHTER
10:56The characters of Kong aren't real,
10:57but made up a Roorah is.
10:59Can you give me your best Mummerset accent?
11:04Mummerset.
11:05Mummerset.
11:05Mummerset.
11:06Mummerset.
11:08You're hoping for a...
11:09War!
11:10Yes, that's correct.
11:11Yeah, that's right.
11:12It wasn't...it's not difficult.
11:13Oh.
11:13So, that's a...like a...so, generic mumbling...
11:17Yeah.
11:17It's not even West Country, is it, Mummerset?
11:18It's sort of like a default kind of,
11:20Oh, where are we?
11:21It's from West or anywhere.
11:22Yes.
11:23You replace an S with a Z.
11:24Like a Z.
11:25Yeah.
11:26F with a V.
11:28Right.
11:29So, for example,
11:30I haven't seen Alan since Friday.
11:33It becomes,
11:34I ain't seen that Alan since Vroidy.
11:36LAUGHTER
11:37Why is it called Mummerset?
11:39Mummerset?
11:40What...what is a Mummer?
11:41What a Mummer?
11:42Oh, it's theatrical player.
11:43Mummers are?
11:44Actors.
11:45Actors.
11:46Actors.
11:46Oh.
11:47And it's a word given to the generic West Country accent.
11:51Oh.
11:51That's, most West Country people say,
11:53BAD.
11:54Yeah.
11:54Actors give to a clown, a fool, a rustic...
11:59Any kind of figure like that in a drama or film.
12:02Or you can't come here.
12:03Pirates are a bit, uh, West Country, aren't they?
12:06I mean...
12:07ARR!
12:08So how do you say,
12:09HEY!
12:10Don't like that!
12:13ARR!
12:14Hey!
12:14It probably is AR, isn't it?
12:16Hey bails!
12:18It's not unique!
12:19Come on, a bails!
12:21It's not unique.
12:23Hey!
12:25It's not unique to English.
12:27Is it the last...
12:28I've lost my needle!
12:31LAUGHTER
12:34Help me!
12:38But I gather, Sami, there is a generic Indian accent.
12:42Well, okay, there is a generic Indian accent, talking like this and everything's okay,
12:47but I realised recently, because I was doing a Pakistani character in one of my stand-up shows,
12:51where I was talking about my relative, and I put on a generic Indian accent,
12:55and I was like, am I being racist towards myself at this point?
12:57Like, how are you doing? And I think, but I don't talk like that,
13:01so I don't know why I did that to myself.
13:04Yeah, on the subject of accents and so on,
13:07who was the first BBC newsreader to have what you might call a regional accent?
13:13Do you know this?
13:14It was a New Yorkshire accent, as it goes.
13:18I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to remember why.
13:20It was during the Second World War.
13:21The idea was, people thought, the BBC and the government thought,
13:25that a local accent would be harder for a German imposter to put on,
13:29because the newsreaders had to say their names,
13:31and they said, this is the 6 o'clock news read by Alva Liddell.
13:35Read by Wolfgang...
13:36Oh, Al...
13:37Exactly!
13:39Got you!
13:39Got you!
13:41And the woman said, this is the 6 o'clock news read by Wilfred Pickles.
13:45Oh!
13:45Yeah, Wilfred Pickles.
13:47Unfortunately, the public reported that while they may believe that it was Wilfred Pickles,
13:50what they didn't believe was a word he said.
13:53Right.
13:53Because he didn't speak like this.
13:55This was a lot of thought about nothing.
13:57So, we are winning the war in the Atlantic.
13:59No, it's a rubbish thing.
14:05So, actors, yeah, have this...
14:06You're an actor as well, as a...
14:08I did one stage play a while back.
14:11I believe it was Romeo and Juliet.
14:12Yes, um...
14:13And naturally, you played?
14:14I played Juliet, actually.
14:16No, it was...
14:17The point of the play was to create awareness about homosexuality
14:21and about AIDS awareness in Pakistan.
14:24So, we did the play and the goal was I would play Juliet
14:27and we'd have a man playing Romeo as well.
14:29Um, but we did one night and then we got told not to do any more.
14:34When you say told not to do any more, is that a euphemism for...
14:37It's not, it's not that a please don't do any more.
14:39It's not like that at all.
14:40No.
14:40It's a please don't do any more.
14:42Well, I mean, they don't ever have to point it because it's, um...
14:45Because it's got a massive sword.
14:47Yeah, it's...
14:48I don't want to make hasty judgments about Pakistan.
14:50I've never been, but...
14:51You've got the Taliban.
14:52Hello.
14:53Yeah, but other than them, it's nice.
14:55Well, how do you go back?
14:57Stephen, the naan.
14:58The naan.
14:58The naan's amazing.
15:07But seriously, how do you go back when you do things like this?
15:09You stand up for gay rights.
15:11You're not a gay man yourself, but you stand up for them,
15:13which is completely, as it were, unnecessary,
15:15but a magnificent thing to do.
15:17How do you...?
15:17What happens is, um, you get the death threats
15:20and as long as you're getting the death threats...
15:23Oh, we all get death threats, don't we?
15:24Yes!
15:24But we get them for silly things like, you know,
15:26not being ever considered to be the host of a motoring show.
15:28You get them for doing really serious humanitarian,
15:31against the grain political work.
15:33It's also stand-up comedy at the end of the day,
15:35so you're kind of wondering whether, like,
15:36it's just another penis joke.
15:38Like, you just, you don't know how humanitarian it is.
15:40So is there a thriving stand-up circuit?
15:42There was me and another guy.
15:47He's an undercover agent.
15:50And, um, he's German, it turns out.
15:52Um, no, he, um, the main thing I realised was,
15:55as long as the death threats are coming, you're safe.
15:58It's when they stop coming that means that the people
16:00sending the threats are now coming over.
16:02Oh!
16:03That's what they used to say in the First World War,
16:05is when you hear the whistle of the shells,
16:06it's when they stop.
16:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:08That's right.
16:09God.
16:09Well, there's Mumma's it, exactly.
16:11It's Mumma's actors and their generic West Country accent.
16:15Now, while we're in the West Country,
16:17the highest point in Cornwall is called Brown Willey,
16:19but can you name an M-word for the part of the body
16:23that Brown Willey is named after?
16:25Hello?
16:25I say.
16:27A massive mantle.
16:30A massive mantle.
16:31A massive mantle.
16:31A massive mantle.
16:32Is it the middle?
16:35Is it the pectoral?
16:36No, the middle.
16:37A general middle.
16:38A middle of a person.
16:41What can I just say about that man?
16:42He spent so much time on his torso, and yet that hair.
16:45Yeah.
16:47And I say that with this, but, you know.
16:50The brown in Brown Willey actually comes from...
16:51A bit of the body beginning with M.
16:53The mind.
16:55Oh.
16:55Oh, yeah.
16:56Is that body or is...
16:57Oh, I said...
16:58Well, that's interesting.
16:59The internal organ.
17:01The old Cornish word, Bron, is the brown bit.
17:04Okay.
17:04And that means breast.
17:07Breast.
17:08Breast.
17:08Breast.
17:12Does it make you feel more comforted to say it repeatedly?
17:14No, no.
17:16Memories.
17:17Breast.
17:18Breast.
17:18Breast.
17:18Breast.
17:19Breast.
17:19And Willie was originally Weneely, meaning swallow.
17:22I mean, the animal.
17:23The bird.
17:26There are lots of places in the UK named after mammaries.
17:29Can you name one?
17:30Boob town.
17:31Boob town.
17:32No, can you name a real one?
17:34Oh, sorry.
17:35Great Titchfields.
17:36Yeah.
17:37The mountains of boob.
17:41The mountains of boob.
17:42Oh, God.
17:43Oh, God.
17:44Oh, God.
17:45See, press your buzzer.
17:47Press him.
17:49Manchester.
17:50Yeah!
17:50Oh.
17:51Mam.
17:52Chester originally.
17:53Mam, as in mammary.
17:54And it's got chest in it as well.
17:56Yeah.
17:58Crackably rudely named face.
18:00Full of breasts.
18:01The mammaries and the chest.
18:03Yeah.
18:03And there's Nippleton as well, isn't there?
18:05It's from the Celtic Mam, you've got Mam Tor in Derbyshire.
18:10Jugsford.
18:14Roxbury.
18:16Mellonford.
18:19Bazookaville.
18:22Rackton.
18:25Oh, dear gracious.
18:27The Paps of Anu in Ireland are named after the Breston Caesar.
18:31And there's a Pap of Glencoe and a Maiden Pap in Scotland.
18:34There's Papworth.
18:35Papworth, absolutely.
18:37It's been a hospital there.
18:38And what about Titty Hill in West Sussex?
18:42But it's not named after Brests.
18:45No.
18:45What's it named after?
18:46The other tits.
18:47Malcolm Titty.
18:51His assistant named it when they both discovered it.
18:55What do you think we should call it?
18:57I think we should name it after you, Titty.
19:00You found it, Titty.
19:05That's not you, Big Dick.
19:06Silly carry-on.
19:08Oh, dear.
19:09It's actually named after, I think you were struggling to say that.
19:12What it was named after.
19:13Oh, the birds.
19:13The birds.
19:14The blue tits.
19:14The blue tits.
19:14The blue tits.
19:15The blue tits.
19:15The blue tits.
19:34Great tits.
19:34It was actually genuinely a fascinating story and rather horrifically repellent, too.
19:39So where a mango made a man go mad?
19:41It made a whole nation go mad, actually.
19:43Is there something toxic about a mango?
19:45Not toxic.
19:45Men who go mad in a fever of worship.
19:48Oh, so they fetishised the mango.
19:49They fetishize the man who gave them the mango. It's but they made a god of a mango bringing man
19:55virtually
20:04This was the largest nation on earth in the 1960s 1968
20:10China China so who ruled China in 1968?
20:12Mao Zedong the hero of the people he received a crate of mangoes from the man responsible
20:20Was the Pakistani foreign there we go because the Pakistani mango is
20:26No matter what the Indians say the best in the world
20:31The fact that I haven't had a Pakistani mango in up three years now is just a point of just
20:35you really miss me
20:36Oh my god, they're amazing. They really are if you try and eat a mango usually
20:40They've been over chilled in Britain so they're fibrous and the stone in the middle is too close to the
20:46flesh
20:46And yeah, you try it with a knife and it squirts. I mean what should you do? Should you just
20:50bury a head in it?
20:52There's no dignity, right?
20:55Lobsters you can't look cool and eat a mango like
20:58Eating the mango or I'm getting laid tonight like that
21:03Those are the choices you make in life
21:05Well, obviously then the Pakistani foreign minister in 1968 thought he was doing a really smart thing by giving such
21:12a beautiful fruit
21:13A crate of them to the leader of the most populous nation on earth, Mao Zedong
21:17And he instantly
21:19Re-gifted those mangoes
21:22This is where it gets weird
21:24He gave them to the factory workers peacekeeping squads who called themselves the worker peasant Mao Zedong thought propaganda teams
21:31Catchy
21:32Catchy
21:32What's the big deal?
21:34He didn't like them
21:35Re-gifted them
21:36No story there
21:37The crate of mangoes was split up and individual fruits were sent to factories where they were put on altars
21:43So yes, you're right, worship
21:45Preserved in formaldehyde, sealed in wax
21:48And in one case boiled in a huge pot of water and one teaspoon that went to each worker of
21:54the water
21:55So they didn't eat the mango?
21:56No, this gets weirder
21:58There were mangoes
21:59There were Mao
22:01Lots of emersia
22:03There were Mao mango medallions
22:05Textiles with mango pictures on them
22:07Hundreds more mango artifacts, trays, mugs, fabric
22:09The state even produced mango brand cigarettes
22:13Despite all this, most people in China, of course, have never seen a mango
22:16There's only one crate to go around a billion people
22:19It was there
22:20One man who remarked that it was nothing special and looked just like a sweet potato
22:25Was arrested as a counter-revolutionary
22:31Put on trial, found guilty, taken to the edge of town and shot
22:36For don't
22:37Hang on!
22:39No!
22:40Come on!
22:45It's pretty astonishing though, isn't it?
22:48It tells a lot about human nature
22:50It's very unfortunate
22:51What you want to do, you want to slice the side off
22:54And then score it
22:55Yep
22:55With horizontal and vertical lines
22:57Ooh
22:58And then kind of pop it inside out
23:00And it's like a little hedgehog or something
23:01Yeah
23:01And then you eat the little square
23:04You can get a sort of cut of that shape
23:06LAUGHTER
23:07Well, come on!
23:08To describe it as a little mango
23:10Mango Appreciation Society
23:13I'm very proud to be part of a show
23:15In which we can spend ten minutes discussing mangoes
23:18Yeah
23:19Lovely
23:20Lovely
23:20Now, who gets best use out of a man engine?
23:25A woman
23:26Out of a woman
23:27LAUGHTER
23:28I can't believe that hasn't gone off
23:32LAUGHTER
23:33Do you want to know what the forfeit was?
23:37No
23:37You do, Stephen
23:40LAUGHTER
23:41Isn't that safe?
23:42I said, no!
23:43You don't want to say that and you didn't
23:45Yeah
23:45We've moved beyond
23:46Exactly
23:46What do you get out of a man engine?
23:48Is it invented by a Mr. Man?
23:51No, no
23:51Not Mr. Man
23:52Not like
23:53Mr. Strong
23:55Or Roger Hargreaves
23:56Or Mr. Brilliant Inventor
23:58Mr. Inventor
23:58Yeah
24:00But someone whose surname was man
24:02No, it's nothing to do with that
24:03Which were the first sort of engine?
24:05What was the first engine?
24:05The steam and steam
24:06The Newcomen engine
24:07The Newcomen engine?
24:08Where was that?
24:09That was in the early 18th century
24:10It was for pumping water out of, like, mines
24:13Where were those mines?
24:14Cornwall
24:15Cornwall
24:16Tin mines
24:17Trevithick, his engine
24:18And Newcomen, as you might say
24:20So
24:21You've got to get men down the mines
24:22Hammer away and get the tin
24:24And there you can see
24:25There's a ladder that goes a certain way down
24:27But you dig down, dig down, dig down, dig down
24:29And then you've got a real problem
24:31The men have got to get all the way down to the bottom
24:33All the way up to the top
24:34It'll be knackered
24:34And you're not getting good productivity out of them
24:37So you need
24:37A lift
24:38Yeah, but there's no technology
24:40You need a man engine
24:41So all you have is a wheel that goes round
24:43Like that
24:44Oh, yeah
24:44That's what you have
24:45It's very cunning
24:46Look at that
24:47What's the men there going up?
24:48I bet there were never any accidents doing that
24:52Well, given how many there are in coal mines
24:55It's beautifully elegant, isn't it?
24:57Is that when they invented the computer game as well?
25:00But that's to give you an impression of how it works
25:03This is actually rather elegant
25:04As you can see, the flywheel, or whatever you call it
25:07The wheel which converts into this downward and upward motion
25:10And obviously being reversed
25:12It'll get the men down
25:14I could watch that for days
25:15This one is actually
25:16I've actually gone into hypnotic vaults, have you?
25:18As you can see
25:19As you can see, this one is simply run by water
25:20It's not even a steam engine
25:21And then they get on a conveyor belt at the top
25:35They can't be, they hadn't invented that
25:36It must be an ice rink
25:37These days, mines are the descend
25:47Now, what are the three manly games?
25:53Rugger, surely
25:54Rrrr
25:55Rrrr
26:00Rrrr
26:01Boxing
26:06Rrrr
26:07Is it going to be tiddlywinks?
26:13Rrrr
26:15That is miraculous
26:17I have to say
26:18Greco-Roman wrestling
26:20It's a form of wrestling, it's not Greco-Roman
26:22It's very much of its own country
26:24Which begins with our...
26:25M?
26:25Our guest letter
26:26Yes, it's Mongolian wrestling
26:28Mongolia
26:28Mongolia is the right, aren't you?
26:29Oh, I'm on the bouncing back from the tiddlywinks
26:31Yes
26:32Yeah, the Mongolians have these games in their biggest festival, which is Nadam
26:37So as you can see, it's archery, it's horse-raising and it's wrestling in tight pants
26:41And that's what the Mongolians do
26:43Those aren't pants, sorry
26:44Aren't they?
26:45Underwear
26:45Oh, yeah, we have a linguistic issue here, right
26:48Oh, so in England are underwear pants?
26:51Yes, yes
26:51That explains a lot of confusion I had
26:56What they're really wearing is some sort of cheerleaders outfit
26:59Yes
27:00A sort of cropped top and tight underpants
27:02This is confusing for me, because this is exactly what Mary Berry is wearing in this season of Bake Off
27:08She's got a soggy bottom
27:11That outfit, everyone has a soggy bottom
27:13Oh, that's true
27:13Now, the thing is, although they're called the Three Manly Games
27:16Women can enter the archery and the racing and the horsing
27:19But they can't enter the wrestling menu
27:22Is the jockey tiny, or is the horse enormous?
27:25LAUGHTER
27:25A bit of both
27:27A bit of both
27:28Plus the effect of a four-jotting
27:30I think that horse is a donkey
27:33Do you really?
27:35It does look really like a donkey
27:35Yeah, I think it's a donkey
27:36I think it is a donkey
27:37I don't think that person will win
27:38Because the horse is a donkey
27:41But this will interest you, I think
27:43The winner of the Nadam wrestling contest is given the title
27:47Oh, there he is
27:48Oh, hello
27:48Yeah
27:49Did the man's second back ever have his breasts used to model a tour on a mountain in Cornwall?
27:57What is it with the clothes and the hats? What are they doing?
28:00No, this is a culture of the one established that murdered all the people of Merv
28:04Yeah
28:06They made fun of this
28:07Yeah, when they turned up in Merv
28:10We surrender and yours ones are funny
28:15In Mongolia nothing's more manly than wrestling another man in a pair of tiny underpants
28:20What's the connection between margarine and marriage in Maine?
28:25Oh
28:25Oh
28:26Is this like a sort of um
28:26Is it an anagram?
28:28It's about statistics
28:28Oh, it's about people less interested
28:30Well, there's a man called Tyler Vigin of Weigin of Harvard University
28:34Who describes himself as a statistical provocateur
28:37And he's found evidence that he's divorced
28:40He sounds awful
28:43He's really trying to sex up his doctor
28:45Can you imagine getting stuck at a party with a statistical provocateur?
28:52Why don't we tell you you think there are more school children who have pencils than don't?
28:58Well, prepare to be shocked
28:59I'd say 75% of me thinks you're a total dick
29:06But he's, he's, no, no, there is a point to him
29:09No, there is a point to him
29:09There is a point to him
29:11He discovered that the divorce rate in Maine since 2000
29:15Correlates with the per capita consumption of margarine in the United States as a whole
29:18In other words, when margarine consumption goes up
29:21So do the number of divorces
29:22But that's a false correlation, presumably
29:24Yes, that's the point
29:26He actually wants us to understand
29:28That it's very easy for us to believe
29:30That you get a set of statistics that say
29:34As the amount of free milk and orange juice went up in the fifties
29:38So did the literacy rate in Britain
29:40People go, oh, that just shows that orange juice and milk are very important in literacy
29:44It's bollocks
29:45You have to demonstrate a causal relationship
29:48This is what's known as a correlative one
29:50And he becomes more and more ridiculous
29:53And that's why he's a provocateur
29:54Sounds provocative
29:56Make that point
29:57It is kind of
29:57He discovered just, these are just M ones alone
30:00The age of Miss America correlates with the number of murders
30:02By steam, hot vapours and hot objects
30:06The marriage rate in New York correlates with the number of murders by blunt objects
30:10So the more people get married in New York, the more murders there are
30:13That might actually be causative
30:16George Canning, who was Prime Minister of Britain for the supreme length of 119 days
30:20There he is, not the best known of our Prime Ministers
30:23He said, I can prove anything with statistics except the truth
30:30That's when they got rid of him
30:31That's when they got rid of him
30:31Yeah
30:32They went, oh, God
30:34I was thinking
30:36Can't he be more provocative?
30:39Now, describe the morning glory of the rubber people of Mexico
30:45Is there something amusing in that question?
30:48Yeah
30:49The morning glory of the rubber people
30:51The rubber people
30:51Break it down for us
30:54What's morning glory?
30:55What's rubber?
30:56Well, morning glory
30:57Is a delicious vegetable enjoyed by many people in Southeast Asia and often put in broths and a massive erection
31:05Yeah, morning glory is indeed a flower, beautiful flower
31:08Oh, right
31:09Yeah
31:09Vegetable and flower
31:10So the rubber people
31:11The rubber people of Mexico
31:13Are these where there are rubber trees?
31:14Well, it's the early people of Mexico
31:16The earliest people we know of
31:18The rubber age
31:19Well, the rubber age
31:21Iron age
31:22Well, do you know
31:23It was for them a rubber age
31:24Exactly
31:25I knew it was not
31:26Because rubber was first cultivated in Mexico
31:29Not in Malaysia or any of the other places where it's called Liberia
31:32Where it's growing
31:33But in Mexico
31:34And the people of that time
31:36Well, they only know the Aztecs
31:39Well, they exactly
31:40The Aztecs gave them this name actually
31:41They were called the Olmec
31:42Between 1200 and 400 BC
31:45So it was a long time ago
31:46And then they tapped rubber
31:48And they made a ball out of it
31:50Which they played their ball game in
31:52Which they called in their language
31:53The ball game
31:54They used one of those hoops
31:56And versions of it are still played to this day
31:59So it's really remarkable
32:01Because it was 3,000 years later
32:04That we in the West learnt to do the same thing to rubber
32:08A process known as
32:10Do you know what it's called?
32:11Vulcanisation
32:11Vulcanisation
32:12Exactly right, yeah
32:13It's meant by one of Spock and the Vulcans
32:16Yeah
32:16Exactly
32:17It was a man called Thomas Hancock in Britain
32:19And a better known figure called Charles Goodyear
32:23In America
32:24Goodyear tyres still obviously used
32:26In 1844
32:27Yes, the Olmecs were making rubber
32:30A good few years before Goodyear
32:32But now it's time for the earth shattering round
32:35That we call general ignorance
32:36Fingers on buzzers
32:37If you please
32:38What's the easternmost state of the USA?
32:43Massachusetts
32:45Well, now
32:47Now I'm going to say Alaska
32:49Is the right answer
32:50Yeah
32:51Well done
32:54Yeah
32:56Mainly sees the first sunrise on the continental United States
33:00But that's the line along
33:01And there are little bits of that that look like just Russia and things like that
33:05Are actually Alaska
33:06You see those islands at the bottom that curve round
33:08It's got the weirdest shape, hasn't it?
33:10Yeah
33:10The very south of the Aleutian Islands
33:12Oh dear
33:13They cross the line along with you
33:15So the bits that go right up to the line of the westernmost part
33:19But the bits the other side are the easternmost part
33:21So there are bits of it that are south of Russia?
33:24Yes
33:24Yeah
33:25Absolutely
33:25It's all very surprising
33:26Are they inhabited any of those?
33:29Do we know?
33:30No, I don't think so
33:31Most of them are uninhabited
33:32The old fishing village
33:33There were foxes
33:34Millions of seabirds there
33:35But no
33:36Not many humans
33:37Alaska's state motto is north to the future
33:39I don't know what that means
33:40But it's
33:41There it is
33:42Dish
33:42I tell you
33:43They all have mottos these states
33:46And my favourite one is Kentucky
33:50Kentucky is known really for two things
33:52Fried chicken
33:52It's called the
33:53Well yeah apart from that
33:54It's called the bluegrass state
33:56But it's bourbon and the Kentucky Derby
33:59The race
33:59And somebody came up with a two word phrase
34:02For Kentucky
34:03Which encapsulates both those things
34:06Which I think is rather brilliant
34:07Pissed horses
34:08There it is
34:11No it's unbridled spirit
34:13Oh
34:14Isn't that clever
34:15I just think that's genuinely clever
34:17No that's great
34:18That absolutely shits on north to the future
34:23It's gotta be said
34:25Because if there's one place
34:26You do not want to head north from
34:28It's Alaska
34:29Because there's
34:30Fuck all of the world now
34:31You want to go south
34:33You want to see stuff
34:35South to the future
34:35Yeah
34:35North to the future maybe
34:37You'd say from Argentina
34:38Yes
34:39You know
34:40Alaska south
34:41North in denial of the rest of humanity
34:45Head into the snow and die
34:47Wishful thinking
34:48Exactly
34:49Yes
34:50East is east
34:51West is west
34:52And Alaska is both
34:53In which country was Mozart born?
34:56Ooh
34:56Ooh
34:57The countries were weird then
34:58Most of the countries didn't exist yet
35:00Places like you think it's always been a country
35:02Like Germany and Italy
35:04Didn't exist then
35:05The mountains of Kong
35:09Was he born in Salzburg?
35:11Yes
35:11Well done
35:13Good point
35:13It was indeed
35:14It was a state
35:15Yeah
35:16It was a certain state
35:21Hated it
35:22And he moved as soon as he could to Vienna
35:24Called himself German
35:25In fact
35:25Although there was no such country
35:27He died way before
35:28There was
35:29Such a country
35:30He didn't make
35:31Didn't make Paul McCartney's mistake
35:33Of you know
35:35Outliving his cool
35:38He didn't
35:39Very true
35:41Very true
35:45So there you are
35:46Yes
35:46Mozart was a Salzburger
35:48Goethe
35:48As it happens
35:49Was a Frankfurter
35:50Mendelssohn
35:51Mendelssohn was a hamburger
35:52And the Brothers Grimm were Hessian
35:54Oh
35:55They all came from different lands
35:57Oh
35:58Who invented
35:58The aqueduct
35:59The
36:00The aqueduct
36:16Go on Sammy
36:16From the provincial region
36:17It's absolutely lovely
36:18So who got there first
36:19The Etruscans
36:20Or someone who came before the Romans
36:22Even further before
36:23You've got to go way back
36:24Way back
36:25Adam
36:27He might too far back
36:28Just Adam
36:29Yeah
36:29That's a bit too far back
36:30The Babylonians
36:31Always a good bet
36:33Always a good bet
36:33The Murbians
36:34The first ones that are known about to archaeology
36:36Were quite simple little ones
36:38Little runnels
36:39That allowed water like that
36:40Assyrians
36:40Not great big
36:41No we're actually in a sort of Greekish land
36:43It's the Minoan culture
36:45Oh
36:45Which is Crete
36:46Yeah
36:47And they were about the second millennium BC
36:49So it was a long time ago
36:50And then also earlier was as you said
36:53Babylonians
36:54Sennacherib
36:55Who was a big emperor at the time
36:57Celebrated in a Byron poem
36:59Good hat
37:00He built really impressive ones
37:02He was extremely rich and powerful
37:04It was about 691 BC
37:0610 metres high
37:0730 metres wide
37:08Made of over 2 million stones
37:09His aqueduct was used to water his gardens
37:11Which many think were the
37:13Sort of the origin of the hanging garden
37:15Do you think that could possibly be true?
37:18Well there is quite a lot of archaeology to support it
37:20It's not just description
37:212 million stones
37:23It must have taken a hundred years to build
37:25Well a hundred million slaves probably
37:27Not that many obviously
37:28But yeah
37:29It was an 80 kilometre limestone aqueduct
37:31It's a long way
37:32It was lots of
37:33Yeah
37:35Just for a garden
37:36But gardens
37:37Gardens are important
37:38Darren Titchmarsh has got a similar one
37:40And he's
37:41He's made of plastic guttering from being here
37:44It's
37:46Decking
37:46Lovely
37:47Decking
37:48Lovely lovely
37:48It has to be said that those Minoan ones
37:50I would say the word
37:51Gutter is more appropriate than the word aqueduct
37:54I would not say
37:55I had an aqueduct
37:56Round the edge of my house to collect the rainwater
38:01The aqueduct's leaking again
38:04Gets out of there and clearly aqueduct
38:06Clearly aqueduct
38:07Oh
38:09Now
38:10Ooh this is exciting
38:11I've got some glasses of water for you
38:12Ooh
38:13Yes I know
38:14Be very very excited
38:16Oh there we go
38:17Here are yours
38:18Alan and David
38:20Before
38:21Don't try them
38:22Don't
38:22God whatever you do
38:24Drink any yet
38:25Until you know what you're doing
38:28Oh
38:28There we are
38:29There's A
38:30B and C
38:31Can you see that?
38:32Well A
38:33Has got something in it
38:34Yeah
38:35There's some weird detrituses in it
38:36That's either some very poor washing up
38:38Yes
38:39Down drop
38:40Well I'll tell you what A is
38:41A is sea water
38:42Oh
38:43Oh
38:43Sea water
38:44You'll kill you
38:45So what B is?
38:47Fresh water
38:47Because of bubbles in it
38:49It's treated sewage
38:51Alright then
38:51Oh
38:53That's why it's got bottles in it
38:55Yeah
38:55And C is
38:57Ultra pure water
38:59Right
38:59Can I have sea?
39:02Is that
39:02That's your choice?
39:03Oh
39:03Oh
39:04Oh
39:04Oh
39:05Oh
39:05Oh
39:10To be fair
39:11We don't know whether sue meant sea as in sea or sea as in sea
39:15Oh
39:16You little devil
39:19But yes the point was to trap you into choosing ultra pure water
39:22Ultra pure water is too pure
39:24Oh
39:25The kidneys have a real problem here because we rely on electrolytes to power energize our brains
39:32and the heart and other bits of our cells and if your blood is drained of all the particles
39:38because the pure water is taking them away through osmosis then you will die if you have too much
39:44I'm gonna revise
39:47Would that amount of pure water kill?
39:49No that's fine
39:50So what is the best out of those three?
39:52Well what about seawater?
39:53What what
39:54Seawater's got a lot of salt in it
39:56Yeah the kidneys try and get the salt out and in order to get the salt out they have to
39:59use water
40:00So you actually the effect of drinking seawater is to dehydrate
40:04Yeah
40:04So you were left with treated sewage
40:06Well it's been treated I suppose
40:07It has been treated
40:08Yes
40:08But someone told me that water that you drink from a tap in London has been through nine people
40:14before it reaches a glass is that true?
40:16No it's not yet no it's not yet true at all this is a sort of urban myth really that
40:20we all like to think
40:21It's been through cows and sheep as well
40:31Yeah
40:34You're actually talking about it
40:36I didn't know which nine people they were
40:53So treated sewage is gaining popularity around the world so that seems a helpful thing
40:57But you ought to try well which one thing
40:59No thanks try
40:59No I won't let you try the sewage try the ultra pure because it's not gonna kill you one sip
41:03Just see if it is actually noticeably pure
41:06Hmm
41:11Did you get messed up?
41:12Oh my kidneys
41:15It's gonna mess up on this
41:16I would say it does taste like water but a little bit more boring
41:27I don't expect a party in my mouth with water
41:32That was like a party in my mouth but with a statistical provocateur
41:36Provocateur
41:37Well I've got treated sewage in this
41:39And I wouldn't ask you to because you might not want it but I'm gonna have a
41:42Oh Jesus
41:45Does it pom?
41:49It's shitty but it's pissy as well
41:51I think I will
41:53Put me right
41:55I'll come in
41:58That's lovely
41:59That's tap water
42:00That's just tap water
42:01We couldn't get any treatment sewage
42:02We asked for it
42:03I said I was up for drinking it but it's just tap water
42:05So it's only been through nine people there
42:08Nine people there
42:09So drinking pure water can kill you
42:11You're much better off draining a glass of processed sewage
42:14Good health to you all
42:16And uh
42:17All that's left now
42:18Are the scores
42:19Oh my gracious goodness
42:22Heavenly me
42:23In last place
42:24I'm afraid
42:25But she probably knows it
42:27By the fact that I've used a feminine pronoun
42:29Is Sue Perkins
42:32Sue Perkins
42:40Fighting manfully
42:42Into third place
42:44Alan Davies
42:51In second place
42:53A magnificent debut from Sammy Shaw
43:00Which could only mean that our clear winner with minus four is David Mitchell
43:13And that's all from Sammy Sue, David Allen and me
43:17Good night
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