- 11 hours ago
First broadcast 3rd November 2001.
Jeff answers a call for help from former secretary Felia Siderova, a Latvian woman, whose husband and infant son have gone missing.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Pauline Quirke - Felia Siderova
Anna Korwin - Anna Rublov
Brana Bajic - Assassin
Tina Tutkova - Pola Sunset
Michael Sarne - Anatolys - Gangster
Armen Gregory - Yuri
Joe Montana - Butranekh
Velibor Topic - Driver
Boris Isarov - Immigration Officer
Magdalena Buznea - Crone
Izabella Telezynska - Crone
Charlie Higson - Brian - Client with Lost Dog
Goran Kostic - Sergei
Jeff answers a call for help from former secretary Felia Siderova, a Latvian woman, whose husband and infant son have gone missing.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Pauline Quirke - Felia Siderova
Anna Korwin - Anna Rublov
Brana Bajic - Assassin
Tina Tutkova - Pola Sunset
Michael Sarne - Anatolys - Gangster
Armen Gregory - Yuri
Joe Montana - Butranekh
Velibor Topic - Driver
Boris Isarov - Immigration Officer
Magdalena Buznea - Crone
Izabella Telezynska - Crone
Charlie Higson - Brian - Client with Lost Dog
Goran Kostic - Sergei
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I know I had a favorite dream, the way that people are undue, and now I ask myself how lucky
00:16can you do it, how lucky that we met when it came true.
00:25It seems that all life I've waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited.
01:18You were the man.
01:21Oh, yes.
01:23Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo.
01:31Nothing.
01:36Who's that?
01:37No, no, no.
01:46No, no.
01:53No, no.
01:55No.
01:56No.
02:02No.
02:03No.
02:05No.
02:09No.
02:10No.
02:20No.
02:23No.
02:33No.
02:37No.
02:38No.
02:39Do it!
02:46Yeah.
02:50Yeah.
02:53I can levitate cups.
02:55Oh, can you? Brilliant.
02:57And what about me blowing skills?
03:00Where would we be without me blowing skills?
03:02You know, I think in the league table of special powers,
03:04blowing doesn't come that high, actually.
03:06I don't think there was a wind woman or a blow man, was there?
03:10Or a silver exhaler, you know?
03:13Oh, silver exhaler.
03:15Look, my balloon's partially deflated.
03:17It's not half the fun it was.
03:19Oh, don't worry, son.
03:20I'll make it big and fat and plump and much more fun for you.
03:24Yeah, very good, very good.
03:26And I'll just blow things, you know.
03:28Oh, yeah, of course you shrink shoes, don't you?
03:31I tamper with electrics.
03:33Yeah, you're a tamperer.
03:35You know, if it had been Randall and Hurst instead of Randall and Hopkirk,
03:38it would have been more successful.
03:39No.
03:40And Jeannie wouldn't have allowed this to happen.
03:42No.
03:43She does not do any more dangerous cases.
03:46She stays in the office.
03:47From now on, I don't want to see her getting hurt.
03:49Oh, but you don't mind seeing me get hurt, yeah?
03:51You don't mind if I end up a stiff like you?
03:53Do you know your problem?
03:55What?
03:55You're insensitive.
03:57I am not.
03:59I'm very sensitive.
04:01Especially if I'm dropped 30 foot onto concrete.
04:05Well, you shouldn't have got on the bloody roller coaster in the first place then, should
04:10you?
04:10And you were meant to stop the thing.
04:12I did stop it.
04:13Yeah, and look at the result.
04:15Result of what?
04:17The boxing.
04:18Er, Jeannie, I had a little bet on this tenner.
04:23I don't think you should come back to work just yet.
04:28Oh, Rony Rise.
04:30He's a bit past his sell-by days, eh?
04:32Not so good without his old partner.
04:34Yeah, you want to listen to Jeannie, Jeff?
04:44All you're managing with, aren't we then, love?
04:46Can you just let me take your case, Jeff?
04:51Yeah, well, maybe after I've got this thing off, you know?
04:54Yeah, kind of sincere.
04:55It's very advanced, isn't it?
04:57Well, look, Jeff, I'm perfectly capable of dealing with the office myself.
05:00You know, I'd rather I was there.
05:02I promised Marty that...
05:03I knew him better than you, and I know he wouldn't have wanted me to be a glorified secretary.
05:07Yeah, maybe you're right, but...
05:09Oh, no, stay for a little while, Jeannie.
05:10Do you want to miss Helium Harry?
05:12Yeah, but I just thought maybe you might be able to tidy up for us a bit.
05:15Mm-hm.
05:16See ya.
05:17Get well.
05:19Slowly.
05:21Jen!
05:22It's me!
05:23Look, this is what it's like being on telly!
05:26Oh, that's better.
05:29Oh, sweet relief.
05:31File dividers, photocopy paper, staples, felt tips.
05:35You go back to the office, he said.
05:36I'll go alone, he said.
05:37Splat!
05:38He said...
05:39Excuse me.
05:40Is this, er, Jeff Randall's office?
05:43Yes.
05:45If you're busy, I can come back.
05:46Oh, no, no, no, no.
05:47Um, Harry was just leaving.
05:50I'm sorry, Harry.
05:51I forgot my appointment with Mr, um...
05:53Boyle.
05:54Stuart Boyle.
05:56Harry, can you come back tomorrow?
06:02Please.
06:03Is, er, Jeff around, or...?
06:05No.
06:06He's not, I'm afraid.
06:08Oh.
06:08I'm Jeannie Hurst, his partner.
06:11Really?
06:12I mean, professionally.
06:14It's got a hopcook on the door.
06:16That's a long story.
06:19So, er...
06:19You know Jeff?
06:22Oh, oh, yes, yes.
06:23We were...
06:24We were at school together.
06:27The thing is, er...
06:29Miss Hurst...
06:30Jeannie.
06:31Jeannie.
06:32I'm, er, in a lot of trouble, and, er...
06:37I'm sure I can help.
06:39As I say, Jeff and I are partners.
06:43Sorry.
06:44It's, er...
06:44Difficult to explain.
06:46You see, er, I've just had a...
06:47A letter from my father requesting an urgent meeting...
06:51Tonight.
06:52What's so terrible about meeting your father?
06:56He's been dead for six years, Miss, er...
06:59Jeannie.
07:05...
07:05I don't know.
07:42I don't know.
07:42I don't know.
08:10Tonight is late night opening, and we're sure that you will all find what you're looking
08:17for.
08:19Stuart?
08:26You'll never shop anywhere else again.
08:31Ground floor.
08:36I don't know.
08:41I don't know.
08:55I don't know.
08:57I don't know.
09:18I don't know.
09:24I don't know.
09:28I don't know.
09:31I don't know.
09:38Right.
09:38Marty, give it a rest.
09:39Get lost.
09:40Up yours.
09:40Screw you.
09:41Yeah, sit on that.
09:44Yeah, you and who's army?
09:45Yeah, I've seen your dad's plums.
09:47Yeah, but I've seen your mum nude.
10:03Stuart.
10:04Stuart.
10:15You all right?
10:16Where's Jeff?
10:17I thought he was coming with you.
10:19I was incapacitated.
10:20Well, if I'd known you were going to come on your own, I'd have.
10:23Look, I can assure you that Jeff has firm confidence in me to take on any case.
10:28Do you think he'll come?
10:29Knowing Jeff and how overprotective he is, I should imagine he's already on his way.
10:39Look, I might as well tell you, if I hadn't have perished, I was going to set up on my
10:44own.
10:44Right?
10:45Anyway, what are we doing here at Hayley and Harry's?
10:47Come on.
10:48What are we doing here?
10:49Yeah.
10:50A nice swanky jack.
10:53A nice red one with a dashboard.
10:57Popstar clients!
10:59And a solvent of exotic firearms and weaponry.
11:03A bachelor Pat at the top of the post office tower.
11:07A bachelor Pat?
11:08You are going to be married, do you remember?
11:09All I've done is married Pat.
11:11Me and Jeannie.
11:12Yes, me and Jeannie.
11:15Solving crimes can be made by criminal masterminds.
11:18You know, if you weren't dead, I'd feel sorry for you.
11:21You useless piece of...
11:26Oh!
11:26Oh!
11:27Hello, Mr Randall.
11:28I'm sorry, I was just on the internet.
11:31I know I've been trying to telephone you for an hour and a half.
11:33Oh, yeah, I know.
11:34Well, I found this place in Romania.
11:35It does, erm, cheap liquid paper.
11:37Yeah?
11:38Look, Harry, did you visit Jeannie yesterday?
11:41Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, but I've not done that order.
11:43She turned me away.
11:43She said she had another client.
11:45What?
11:45I knew it!
11:47You've been letting Jeannie see clients on her own again, haven't you?
11:50When you said your father was dead...
11:53Well, we thought he was.
11:55The shop wasn't doing well.
11:57We found his car on a cliff.
12:00His clothes on a beach.
12:02A note.
12:03But they never found the body.
12:04Boyle's is now open for business.
12:07Well, it looks like he may finally have washed up on the beach.
12:10Don't miss our special perfume promotion.
12:14A classic fragrance exclusive to Boyle's, which we like to call...
12:18Revenge.
12:24Jeannie!
12:29Jeff!
12:38Who needs Jeff?
12:40She snubbed me, Mr. Randall.
12:42I had a special offer for her, too.
12:43Thirty pilot gel pens for $9.99.
12:46If anything's out to her, I will...
12:49Look, who was it, Harry?
12:50What did he look like?
12:52Smimey sort of heller he was.
12:54Boily.
12:56Boily.
12:57What?
12:58What?
12:58That was his name.
13:01Boily.
13:03Do you know what?
13:04Boily.
13:05Do you know what?
13:08Boily.
13:09Gel pens, $9.99.
13:11It's cheap, that gel.
13:12It's good, isn't it?
13:12Bloody good, I think.
13:13Yeah.
13:13All the doors have been locked, Stuart.
13:17Such a shame it's come to this.
13:19So much I loved about the place.
13:22The smell of coffee on a Saturday morning.
13:24Reading the comics for free.
13:27Look, let's just find a way out of it, shall we?
13:29He's watching us, you know.
13:31He's got us caught like mice in a maze.
13:37Should've let Jeannie be my chosen one, you know.
13:39At least I know where she was instead of being shackled to you.
13:42You shackled to me? I don't think so.
13:44And how could you go and let her go off and...
13:46For the last time, Marty, I didn't let her do anything.
13:50I actually told her not to take on anywhere.
13:52Oh, yeah.
13:52But you haven't got my natural authority.
13:55Which is another thing that she found fascinating and wonderful about me.
14:05Stuart Boyle.
14:08What?
14:09I went to school with a Stuart Boyle.
14:11Oh, did you?
14:12How fascinating.
14:13Yet another revelation from Jeff Ronald.
14:15I went to school with Stuart Boyle and once I had a pan of boiled eggs.
14:19Stuart Boyle was the last person to visit Jeannie in the office and I'm trying to find her.
14:25You're not being much help, Marty.
14:28So who is Stuart Boyle then?
14:30This family used to own the department store and that's where we're going.
14:34Biles?
14:35That shut down years ago.
14:36Well, it's a start, isn't it?
14:45What?
14:59Biles!
15:05Biles!
15:06Biles!
15:07didn't we? So are there any girlfriends now? Knickers and vests. What? I think
15:15there's a way out through knickers and vests. Do you want something? Do you want
15:34something Martin? Well I can't leave you in charge of finding Jeannie can I? Oh yes of
15:37course you've been very helpful up to now. Hey whose nearly wife is it in there? We
15:41don't even know she is in there do we? Well are you gonna find out? Are you gonna
15:44find out? Yes I will. All right then find out.
16:01I don't think it's found her in there Jeff. Have you found her yet? Have you found
16:07her, Marty? I haven't had a chance to look round yet ever. Oh so you've just been messing
16:10around as usual? Hey I could search this place in ten seconds with my powers. Watch.
16:17So where is she? I don't know. I was just showing you how long ten seconds lasted. Oh so it's
16:22just a
16:22kind of joke is it? Look you do it your way I'll do it my way. You just keep out
16:25from
16:25under my feet. You'd be lost without me you know. I'm lost with you Marty. At least
16:29when you were alive I could have said have the day off. Why are you getting so angry?
16:33Because of Janie I'm worried. Why are you getting so angry? I'm worried about
16:37Janie and to be honest I've got more right to be concerned than you. No you
16:40haven't. You're dead. How dare you!
16:49I suppose it's too much to expect the lifts to actually work. Well there's one way to find out.
16:53going down. Stupid. Arrogant. Short arsed. Yeah? Mortal. Nice one.
17:05Jeanie. Jeanie thank god you're safe. We were so worried about you. Jeff. Jeff Randall.
17:13Yes hello. I'm very relieved to see you. Stuart Boyle. You're um different. Years have been kind to me.
17:25I was explaining to Mr Boyle how I offered to take on my own cases. Jeff something's wrong.
17:34This whole place has moved like a fun house. Except my father never had a sense of humour. Jeff!
17:43Come on let's get out with you. We can talk about this back at the office.
17:46Ground floor. Special offer on a track record in the present moment. Starting now!
18:11Oh Mr Hopkirk. Mr Hopkirk. Come.
18:21Wyvern? What exactly is going on? I'm afraid you've strayed into very deep waters.
18:26But I was talking to Jeff. You were talking to Mr Randall when the physical barriers seemed to spring up
18:30between you. Yes?
18:32Yes. You couldn't hear what he was saying. It was as though the sound had been turned down. Yes?
18:37Yes. And you want me to take you back there and restore the status quo. Yes? Yes. No. No.
18:44But I was having this argument but- I'm afraid it's not quite that simple, Marty.
18:48But I was winning. God he makes me sick.
18:50Beware the idle tongue of wrong. That with malice makes this scoff. Should thou thy chosen one deny, thy soul
18:59be risked for all eternity.
19:03Eternity? You heard.
19:07Wyvern?
19:08Wyvern? May I be so bold as to ask, what are you talking about?
19:12Come, Marty. Let's take a little walk.
19:25I keep trying to impress on you, Marty, how important your bond with your chosen one is.
19:29I should have chosen someone different. I should have chosen Jeannie.
19:32But you didn't, Marty. And not everything done can be undone.
19:37We just had to force our way out.
19:45Marty.
19:47Marty.
19:49Geoff, you're not going to have a go at me, are you? I was only trying to do my best.
19:54And look what's happened, Jeannie. You've got us trapped in a madman's personal revenge kit, haven't you?
19:59Yeah, but look, he needs us to be there for him.
20:02Does he?
20:03Well, look, can we just have this argument later?
20:05No, let's have it now. I told you not to take on any new cases.
20:09Well, for your information, Stuart and I are doing fine, OK?
20:13Stuart!
20:18Thanks, Jeannie.
20:18My pleasure.
20:21You really have changed, haven't you, Stuart?
20:24Sorry.
20:26He used to be very fat, you see.
20:28Quite fat. Very fat.
20:30Big fat lad. Big fat Stuart Boyle.
20:33Didn't you, Stuart?
20:34It was a long time ago.
20:36Come shopping at Boyle's, the Fat Boys Superstore.
20:39Shopping at Boyle's, get what you're looking for.
20:42There's so much fat to see, and the car park is free.
20:44Geoff!
20:46What?
20:47Come on, let's get out.
20:49Come shopping at Boyle's, the Fat Boys Superstore.
20:53How lucky can you get?
20:57How lucky can you get?
20:58How lucky that we met women feet.
21:08What is this place, anyway?
21:11This is a place where people have wrought in times of spiritual crisis.
21:14Oh!
21:16Far from the madding crowd, as it were.
21:23Ah, fire door, Stuart.
21:26Traditionally...
21:27...receptible to assault by cricket bats.
21:35My terror.
21:36I thought you said you knew your way.
21:38Shut it, Matty.
21:40So you see, Matty, you've been brought to a special place for people who find themselves suddenly single.
21:45Like a strip club.
21:46I beg you to take this more seriously, there are dangerous forces at work here.
21:50Oh, very dangerous.
21:51Yes.
21:52Down!
21:55Appearances can be deceptive.
21:56There's more to Radamanthus on sea than meets the eye.
21:59I don't know.
22:00There are powerful forces at work.
22:02Watching, waiting.
22:04Waiting for what?
22:05To exploit divisions wherever they find them.
22:07For their own unfathomable end!
22:11You are here for a reason, Matty.
22:13Things are out of kilter.
22:16It's up to you now.
22:18So what shall they do, then?
22:20Choice brought you here.
22:22I can only offer you more choice.
22:29Colonic irrigation.
22:34The Grand Hotel.
22:35Good food, some accommodations.
22:36Sounds nice.
22:37A nice little place, unpretentious, where you can get your act together.
22:41But remember, keep them peeled.
22:50Look, Janey, it's obviously not this way.
22:52Look, it's not difficult.
22:54Exit.
22:54You're going to sign to exit, then you exit.
22:56Oh!
22:59Very impressive, Janey.
23:02Come on, let's get out with me.
23:05Boyles regrets to announce that the exit to the car park is temporarily closed.
23:11All other exits are closed.
23:14Forever!
23:15Get out!
23:27Bedding.
23:29This is ridiculous.
23:31Come on, Jeff.
23:45Guys.graders
23:46бокsis. Pete.
23:48One mic.
23:55Who is this?
23:55Look. He gets
23:59Chris. Closebabies are closing
24:01doors. Don't let me be
24:01next. He's actually recording.
24:01It's starting to be
24:01done tomorrow. I'm not sure.
24:12What?
24:19Hello.
24:22Oh, Cynthia, but...
24:23All right, I don't need your life story.
24:25I've one room, it's not en suite.
24:27The front door's locked to half ten, whether you're in or out.
24:30That suit you?
24:32Yeah, I suppose.
24:37So, you had this place long, then?
24:39What's it to you?
24:41Just being polite.
24:43For what it's worth, I had something very like it in the mortal realm.
24:47Of course, I wasn't alone.
24:49Well, I might just as well have been for all the good my other half was.
24:53Really?
24:53After I passed on, he became my chosen one, obviously.
24:57There's still far too much to do around the house.
25:00And you know what mortals are like?
25:03They expect more of you when you're ethereal
25:05than they did when you were corporeal.
25:10Tell me about it.
25:11Man was a little sod.
25:14Always expecting me to get him out of scrapes he put himself into.
25:16All our residents have similar stories to tell.
25:26So you're very busy here, then?
25:28Oh, yes.
25:30You'll make lots of new friends here.
25:32Now, if you care to get dressed for dinner,
25:35there's quality entertainment tonight in our function room.
25:57Come on, Genie.
26:00Come on, Genie.
26:01It's easy.
26:02Now.
26:07Come on, Genie.
26:10It's just like old times, eh, Geoff?
26:12Happiest days of our lives!
26:41Evening.
26:57We're a couple of swells.
27:01We stop at the best hotels.
27:06But we prefer the country far away from the city smells.
27:14It's always as good as this any, eh?
27:17We're a couple of sports.
27:21The pride of...
27:22We were always at the back of the sack race, cross country and everything.
27:26Yeah, well, I don't remember losing, Stuart.
27:28I don't think you ever lost.
27:30Look, I'll get us out of here, don't worry.
27:32No!
27:34Whoa!
27:35Whoa!
27:38I know you look out for me, Jeff.
27:40Just that old times.
27:41Knock, knock.
27:46I dare.
27:49I dare once all over, but it's beginning to go now.
27:54God, I used to love them when I was a kid, no.
27:57D, Cline, and fall.
27:59Do you remember them?
28:00Knock and knock?
28:03Aardvark!
28:05Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles.
28:11Come on, folks.
28:12We're only only A's.
28:15Help old Dicky out.
28:17I've already died once.
28:20But I'm nothing gonna try.
28:22He's not so good on his own, is he?
28:24Do you remember him on the telly?
28:26No, watch the thing.
28:27Woman goes into the butcher, she says,
28:30give him two pork chops and make him mean.
28:33My grandson does that.
28:35Every bloody hour of the day.
28:37Really?
28:38Yeah, no time for me.
28:41You'd think he'd be pleased that I chose him, wouldn't you?
28:44No.
28:46That ungrateful little son.
28:48Come on, he can't have been that bad.
28:50He's worse.
28:51I used to say to him...
28:53I used to say that...
28:57What's up?
28:59I used to...
29:01Funny thing.
29:02I can't seem to remember his name.
29:06Are you all right, mate?
29:08His face.
29:10It's gone.
29:12I'm sure it'll come back to you.
29:13It's everything.
29:15His voice.
29:17I can't picture him.
29:18Look, you're getting yourself all worked up.
29:20What does he look like?
29:22Tell me what he looked like.
29:25Hey!
29:26Wait a minute.
29:27Don't you worry, sir.
29:28This gentleman just needs a bit of fresh air.
29:34He can have a nice sit-down and a rest on the pier.
29:43It's the middle of the night!
29:44Here we go to the doctor's.
29:46Doctor, doctor!
29:48Some days I feel like a teepee, and other days I feel like a wigwang.
29:54Relax, you two tents.
29:57Hey, hey, hey, hey!
29:59Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
30:00A big thank you to Jockstrap and his two swingers.
30:03All the best now.
30:04Available for your new mistakes and commitments.
30:06Always at yourselves.
30:21We've got to go down.
30:22Terriform is always going to be safer.
30:23Yeah, but what if that's exactly what he wants us to think?
30:25He's had a lot of time to set up all sorts of traps down there, you know.
30:28Geoff, I think you should let me decide. It is my case after all.
30:31I think it's a good thing.
30:31I think it's a good thing.
30:31Jeanie, we go.
30:33You're wrong, Geoff. I know you are.
30:35Hey, Geoff.
30:36Look at this, mate.
30:38Do you remember the toy department?
30:39Yeah, it was fantastic.
30:41I remember my twelfth birthday.
30:44You know, when my dad said I could have the old place to myself.
30:47Me and my best mate.
30:49No, it sounds very dull.
30:52I waited all day, Geoff.
30:57I think Jeanie's right.
30:58I think it makes more sense to go down.
31:00Oh, you think Jeanie's right, do you?
31:02I suppose you want to hold a hand on the way down, do you, fatty?
31:04Don't be an arse, Geoff.
31:06Look, stick with me. I'll get us out of here.
31:07I've done pretty well so far.
31:09You've been a hero, Stuart.
31:10He was pretty useless as a kid and he's pretty useless still, if you ask me.
31:13I say we go up.
31:14You do what you like.
31:15I'm getting out of here.
31:22Stuart, hang on!
31:23I'm not letting my dad destroy me again!
31:26I want to live!
31:27What is the matter with you, Geoff?
31:33Look, Jeanie, I had an argument with Matt.
31:36I suppose I'm just a bit jealous.
31:39Stuart!
31:40Stuart!
31:41Stuart!
31:42Stuart!
31:43Oh, my...
31:46Oh, my God.
31:52Oh, ho!
31:55Here he is.
31:58Enter!
31:59My number one fan.
32:02Sit down, cowboy.
32:04Take the wheel off it!
32:08I can't believe it's you, Mr. Klein.
32:10Oh, dicky lad, please.
32:13God, I used to love you when I was a kid.
32:16I can't see me eyes!
32:20It's like a madhouse in here.
32:25Oh, happy days, happy days.
32:27You know, I was...
32:29I was heartbroken when you...
32:32went.
32:33Oh, yeah.
32:34You and Freddy Foyle had such chemistry.
32:36Don't mention that bastard's name.
32:39Treacherous turncoat.
32:40He was my chosen one.
32:42We could have carried on with that double act beyond the grave.
32:45I had oceans of material for him, and what did he do?
32:49Got another partner.
32:50Ronnie Rise.
32:53Talentless.
32:56Still going strong, though.
32:57Yes.
32:58The thing is this, Marty.
33:00That lot, our chosen ones, are beneath us.
33:07In every sense of the word.
33:10Boom, boom.
33:11Same thing happened to you, did it?
33:13Yeah.
33:14It's the arrogance I can't stand.
33:17You know, they think they're one step ahead of you, just because they're still alive.
33:21No matter what they say, you're better off here.
33:25Better off rid, are we?
33:26We most certainly are, Marty.
33:32How do you know my name?
33:34Well, you told me.
33:36Have you ever done any stand-up?
33:39You may have noticed I have a vacancy for a partner, Marty.
33:43Well, I'll think about it, but in the meantime, I've got to get off to bed.
33:48Yes, you get some rest, relax.
33:50That's what you're here for.
33:54Oh, Marty.
33:57I can't see me eyes.
34:02It's like a madhouse to me.
34:06Jeff, I think I owe you an apology.
34:09No, you don't, Jeannie.
34:11I should never have said those things to Stuart.
34:14You know we were quite close, really, quite good friends, but...
34:17Well, you know what it's like?
34:18It's difficult.
34:19I didn't want to be known as...
34:21I didn't want to be known as the one that hung around with the fat boy.
34:24We've got to get out of here, Jeff.
34:27Yeah, come on, let's try the tidy part.
34:47Come on, Jeannie.
34:50We'll be all right, come on, we just need to get out of here.
34:55Come on, Jeannie.
34:58We'll be all right, come on.
34:58Mr. Hopkirk!
35:05What are they doing out there, on the pier?
35:09You shouldn't be here.
35:11Time for a nightcap, Mr. Hopkirk.
35:16Is it?
35:24It's my old school uniform.
35:27Mount St. Michael's.
35:29Yeah, but what the hell are your faces doing on them?
35:32Top floor, children's department.
35:35Toys, games, justice.
35:38That's the way to do it!
35:47So, she says,
35:50Aldershot, hang on,
35:51I've got to get through Catterick Garrison, yeah?
36:01Thought that stuff had no effect on this side.
36:04Radimantas-on-sea is a special place, Mr. Hopkirk.
36:07It's always happy hour here.
36:10Go on, son.
36:12Drink to forget.
36:17No, thanks.
36:18You wouldn't want to offend your hostess, lad.
36:23Mrs. Applegarth is very particular,
36:26whom she shares her liquor with.
36:31Oh.
36:36Oh, that's no good.
36:38We forgot the toast.
36:40Another glass, Mrs. Applegarth.
36:42Yes, Mr. Clown.
36:44Oh.
36:45He-he-he-he,
36:47He-he-he-he.
36:49He-he-he-he.
36:51He-he-he-he.
36:51He-he-he-he.
36:52Oh.
36:52I do like it, Mr. Red!
36:53Peter, stop!
36:56All right, Mr. Boyle.
37:01It's all just a game, Jeff.
37:05But you never wanted to play before.
37:08Remember?
37:09Stuart.
37:11And we thought you were dead.
37:13I cheated, Jeff.
37:14I used a net.
37:16And this is your dad, is it?
37:19He's lost a lot of weight, Stuart.
37:21Not as much as you, but...
37:23Sticks and stones, Jeff.
37:25You did it for the shop.
37:27That's why you killed him, isn't it?
37:29No, just for fun.
37:32I inherited the shop.
37:33And a tiny little sum, which I've put to good use.
37:37This department store is mine.
37:40Remoulded.
37:42Rebuilt.
37:44It is me.
37:45You're mad.
37:58Would you not join me, Dickie?
38:00I feel a bit guilty, taking it on me own.
38:03Nothing wrong with doing things on your own, Marty.
38:08I used to get into trouble thinking in the office.
38:12No.
38:12You don't need to worry about that here.
38:15We won't tell you what to do.
38:18Don't you just hate people who think they're better than you are?
38:21Yes, I do, Mrs. Applecart.
38:28But I don't need to worry about that anymore, do I?
38:31No.
38:32He used to treat me like a big kid, he did.
38:36It was my idea to start the agency.
38:40But right from the very start, I was always Stavros to his cold jacket.
38:46At least that's what he thought.
38:48Well, they're like that, aren't they?
38:49Chosen ones.
38:51So superior.
38:53Stupid little detective.
38:55He can go to hell.
38:59You're the better man.
39:01The very best.
39:04It should have been my name on that door, you know, first.
39:09Hopkirk and...
39:10Hopkirk and, um...
39:13Hopkirk and, um...
39:17What's the matter?
39:19I can't remember his name.
39:20Whose name?
39:22What's his name?
39:23You're looking a bit peaky, old son.
39:26I think a spell on the pier might do you some good.
39:29No!
39:30Oh, fresh air.
39:31I can't remember his name.
39:33Oh, what is it?
39:35What's his name?
39:42Stuart.
39:48Stuart.
39:50What's going on, Stuart?
39:52I think it's time to grow up.
39:55Aren't you going to ask me what the hell I'm playing at?
39:57No, I'm not.
39:58I'm not interested.
39:59Oh, hold on.
40:02Did they teach you that detective school, Jeff?
40:04The devastating repartee?
40:05Oh, all right, then.
40:06Go on.
40:07Tell me all about it.
40:08I can't wait.
40:09Right?
40:10Well, it's very simple, really.
40:13When that timer reaches zero, you'll both be blown up.
40:17Unless one of you can beat the other in a little game.
40:21Stuart, why are you doing this?
40:22At school, Janie, there were always the boys at the front, the natural athletes, the boys
40:29who boasted us sex behind the sports hall, the boys who smoked B&H down by the beck.
40:35And then, there was me and Jeff.
40:40Always at the back.
40:41Always the last two.
40:43I should have hated them, of course.
40:45But I didn't.
40:48They hated you, Jeff Randall.
40:52Because in every respect, you were only slightly better than me.
40:56Stuart.
40:57I've changed everything about myself, Jeff.
41:00You see?
41:01And you still treat me like a fatty boy.
41:06You know why the old stores died out, Jeff?
41:10They removed the times.
41:11Kids don't want chess, skittles, and snakes and ladders.
41:16They want state-of-the-art computer games.
41:31Oh, bing-pong.
41:35Stuart, you really are...
41:38Jeff!
41:41I can't remember.
41:43I can't remember.
41:45Au revoir, cowboy.
41:47What should that be?
41:48Goodbye.
41:54Oh, I get it, Stuart.
41:56You want us two to be losers, just like you.
41:58I don't understand.
42:00Look.
42:02If one of you scores ten points before the timer runs out,
42:05then only one of you dies.
42:07It's fun.
42:09Be serious, Stuart.
42:10It should have made me the most popular boy in the school, Jeannie.
42:15A dad who's shot at the biggest toy department in town.
42:20But it didn't.
42:21No one would play with me.
42:23Loser!
42:24Not even him.
42:25Not even Jeff Randall.
42:28Go run, Josie.
42:30Now you can, Jeff.
42:32Now's your chance.
42:33But...
42:35Go on this, Jeff.
42:36There's a twist.
42:38It's not the loser who gets blown up.
42:42It's the winner.
42:44Yes, children.
42:45In this game, the loser wins!
42:50Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
42:52Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
43:02Jeannie!
43:03Look, Jeannie, let me win.
43:04Save yourself.
43:05If you're not dying for me, I won't give you the satisfaction.
43:08What, Jeff?
43:09You're probably not letting her win, are you?
43:10You never let me win.
43:11You've changed.
43:12Why me, Stuart?
43:14Why not Chris Sikora?
43:15He made your life hell.
43:16Why not him?
43:17I'm not bothered about Chris Sikora.
43:19He's dead.
43:20What about Sean Keeble, then?
43:22Sean Keeble hated your guts.
43:24Why not him?
43:25Keeble's naughty.
43:27You're out of your bloody mind, Seurat.
43:32And consider this therapy.
43:41Ready for your place in the sun, Mr Hopper?
43:45No!
43:49The fear of despair, Marty.
43:52The final resting place for the frozen hearted.
43:57And once your ticket's been clipped, woo-hoo!
44:087-0.
44:09Time is running out.
44:11For the last time, Jeff, you're not dying to save me.
44:14No, it's only right, Jeannie.
44:15This was all my fault.
44:17I think you'll find it's my fault.
44:20No, I was stupid.
44:21And all because I was having a hard time with...
44:27I can't do this on my own, Marty.
44:29I need your help, please.
44:30Jeff!
44:35Marty!
44:37Jeff!
44:42Jeff!
44:45Jeff!
44:46Jeff!
44:52It's over, Steward.
44:55Come on, let us out of here.
44:58No, it isn't, Jeff.
45:00It is, Steward.
45:01It's over.
45:04I'll do it the old-fashioned way.
45:06When I press this detonator, you can say goodbye to your midriff.
45:12Marty, you've got to help me, please.
45:14I'm the real winner, Jeannie.
45:16He's the loser.
45:17Please don't do your blind thing.
45:19Come on.
45:21What took me years of painful plastic surgery, you will achieve in a matter of moments.
45:51I'm back! I'm back! I'm back! I'm back! I'm back! I'm back! I'm back!
46:09So, where's the car, then?
46:12The car has been stolen.
46:19You know, I think I need you as much as you need me, Jeff.
46:24Yeah? How do you mean?
46:26I haven't got any bus fare.
46:28No, you're right, though. That's the most important thing.
46:30What?
46:31Teamwork.
46:31Shouldn't we report it, Jeff?
46:34We should report it, Jeff, really.
46:37Don't you think we should report it?
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