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00:00:03Hey everybody, it's JD here. We just wanted to check in real quick before this episode started
00:00:06because this was supposed to be our big Halloween spectacular, but unfortunately Hurricane Sandy
00:00:10sort of got in our way. So instead of a big spectacular, we had an impromptu Halloween
00:00:15party and live show from Chris's bedroom. It was super fun, but because it was so last
00:00:19second, we sort of didn't have the tech stuff we needed, and thus the audio and video was
00:00:23a little wonky at times. Because of that, we weren't going to put that on the archives,
00:00:26but enough people asked for it, so we decided to throw it out there. So we just want to
00:00:30give you a fair warning ahead of time that sometimes the audio is a little goofy. But
00:00:34I think you'll still enjoy it. It was a really fun episode, and I hope you'll join us next
00:00:38week when we have our 12 hours of election coverage. It should be really fun. Hope you
00:00:41had a happy Halloween. Hope everyone's safe, and enjoy the Holocane squeeze-tacular.
00:00:489, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Hey everybody, it's the Holocane squeeze-tacular! Help! 1, 2, 3,
00:01:054!
00:01:05וח it, three, 5, 3, 4, 1, 2, 1!
00:01:14We'll come take a ride, we're in the sky, nope. It's Wednesday night!
00:01:20It's Wednesday night! Out here it goes to Gr movimiento, Granced жив. Granced viv.
00:01:29Granced viv drama. Granced viv. Granced viv. Granced viv. Ahmad, victorious viv.
00:01:35Yeah!
00:01:37Thank you!
00:01:38Halloween!
00:01:39Halloween!
00:01:44Halloween!
00:01:46Halloween!
00:01:49Halloween!
00:01:50Halloween!
00:01:52Halloween!
00:01:54Alright!
00:01:56Okay!
00:01:58Hello!
00:01:58Okay!
00:02:03Ken, turn the lights on!
00:02:04We gotta get some control in here, man!
00:02:06Okay! Hello, everybody!
00:02:08Welcome to the Chris Gathard Show!
00:02:09We can drop the thing, yeah!
00:02:10Well, everybody, welcome to the post-hurricane Halloween squeeze-tacular!
00:02:15It's Mimi on the Hoops, named it Mimi on the Hoops!
00:02:18Currently dancing, we're coming to you from my bedroom!
00:02:20MNN Studios is closed,
00:02:22shut down, so we're doing this show in my actual bedroom!
00:02:25This is Mimi on my bed,
00:02:26Banana Man is under the covers,
00:02:27We want you guys to call us, say hello!
00:02:30A lot of people have been asking if New Yorkers are alright,
00:02:32and not everybody is,
00:02:33and a lot of people don't have power, but we're gonna still put on a show,
00:02:36even though we don't have a studio.
00:02:37Call us up!
00:02:40949-415-TCGS
00:02:42That's 949-415-TCGS
00:02:47Yeah!
00:02:48Yeah!
00:02:49Yeah!
00:02:49Yeah!
00:02:50Yeah!
00:02:51By the way!
00:02:53Yeah!
00:02:54Yeah!
00:02:55Yeah!
00:02:55Yeah!
00:02:56Okay, and you're gonna call us up,
00:02:58and here's the call on topic for tonight.
00:02:59We want you to tell us scary stories,
00:03:02legit scary stories,
00:03:03you have things that happened to you,
00:03:04legends that you've heard,
00:03:06and whoever scares Bethany the worst
00:03:08is gonna get mailed a free t-shirt from our show.
00:03:10There's a million t-shirts in the next room.
00:03:12And bonus, if anybody can scare Bethany so much that she cries,
00:03:15you get one of every t-shirt we've ever made.
00:03:18Bethany, why don't you come up here?
00:03:19And you also make me cry.
00:03:20You get to make Bethany cry.
00:03:23So if you make Bethany cry,
00:03:24you get every single t-shirt we've ever put out.
00:03:26So Bethany, what is the likelihood that you cry from a scary story?
00:03:30I don't know.
00:03:32I don't like scary stories.
00:03:34Okay.
00:03:35You don't like them,
00:03:36call up, make sure Bethany has to live through that.
00:03:38Also, we're not on M&M tonight,
00:03:40so that means there's a lot of things that we can do
00:03:42that we can't usually do.
00:03:43We can play copyrighted music,
00:03:44and we can drink.
00:03:45Anybody who's drinking, let's drink on camera.
00:03:47Let's drink on camera.
00:03:49Drink on camera.
00:03:50Drink on camera.
00:03:52Drink on camera.
00:03:52How do we start it?
00:03:53I have very half-hearted shit.
00:03:55Drink on camera.
00:03:56Okay.
00:03:56Drink on camera.
00:03:58Drink on camera.
00:03:59Okay.
00:04:00Yes, Rob Malone, Rob Malone,
00:04:02this is very important.
00:04:02Rob Malone is in the corner.
00:04:04He and Hot Dog Parish are bartending tonight.
00:04:05If anybody needs a drink or snacks.
00:04:07Bartender, anything.
00:04:09Okay.
00:04:09Johnny needs a beer.
00:04:10Anything.
00:04:11Johnny needs a drink.
00:04:12We've got a smoke machine.
00:04:15I'm going to turn this off.
00:04:16I think there's too much smoke.
00:04:17We've got Coors Light and Heineken.
00:04:19There's lots of fun sneakers over here.
00:04:21Okay.
00:04:21We've got Heineken.
00:04:22He wants chips.
00:04:23Does anybody want potato chips?
00:04:24Anybody?
00:04:25Okay.
00:04:26We've got Vampire Abraham Lincoln Hunter in the background.
00:04:28Okay.
00:04:29We've got a lot of money.
00:04:30We've got a lot of money.
00:04:31We've got a lot of money.
00:04:31We've got a lot of money.
00:04:31Darren Miller, our web guy.
00:04:33First time attending the show.
00:04:34You'll never identify him.
00:04:36There's chaos erupting around us.
00:04:38Okay.
00:04:39Another thing we're going to do.
00:04:40Another thing we're going to do.
00:04:41Let everybody listen up.
00:04:42On M&M, we are not allowed to endorse products, but tonight we are not on M&M.
00:04:46Does anyone have a product they would like to endorse?
00:04:48Well, the band Nine Inch Nails.
00:04:49The band Nine Inch Nails.
00:04:51The man and man wants to endorse Nine Inch Nails.
00:04:53Anyone else?
00:04:54A corporation?
00:04:54Yeah, Cloud Atlas.
00:04:56I really like Cloud Atlas.
00:04:57Okay.
00:04:57Nick Vitale, the man behind the plant, loves Cloud Atlas.
00:05:00The only person in America who likes Cloud Atlas.
00:05:03Hallie, you're going to go on record.
00:05:04You like these Cheesy Puffs.
00:05:06Let's hold them right up.
00:05:07Let's show that logo.
00:05:08Yeah.
00:05:09That's good shit.
00:05:11Okay.
00:05:11Anybody else?
00:05:12Corporations that you want to endorse?
00:05:14My dad works for Tuliant Federal.
00:05:17Come on out.
00:05:17Corey Palmer, the guy who runs our live stream.
00:05:19My dad works for Tuliant Federal Credit Union.
00:05:21They have really good interest rates.
00:05:23Tuliant Federal Credit Union.
00:05:24Get up on it.
00:05:25I want to...
00:05:26Okay.
00:05:27Credit Munche.
00:05:28Credit Munche.
00:05:29Okay.
00:05:30You can get sandwich tickets.
00:05:32I have a non-endorsed man.
00:05:33Okay.
00:05:33Vampire Abraham Lincoln Hunter.
00:05:35These ladies are very greasy.
00:05:36They are no good.
00:05:37Now, vampire, why don't you come up here?
00:05:38You hunt Abraham Lincoln.
00:05:40Yes.
00:05:40Now, you're a vampire every day.
00:05:42That is true.
00:05:43Now, come forward.
00:05:44Come forward.
00:05:44How do you feel about the fact that on Halloween people dress up as you?
00:05:47Is that something you enjoy?
00:05:47I'm very tired.
00:05:49You're very tired.
00:05:50Why is that?
00:05:51Well, my butt hurts very bad.
00:05:53Why is that?
00:05:55Well, when I see all of them walking on the streets, the Abraham Lincolns.
00:06:00Oh, anyone dressed up as Abraham Lincoln.
00:06:02Yeah, I have to kill them.
00:06:03Right.
00:06:03And the way you kill them, of course.
00:06:05Well, first I shake my butt like this until they fall in love with me.
00:06:11Uh-huh.
00:06:12Uh-huh.
00:06:12And then I take them to my home.
00:06:14Yes.
00:06:15Because I have to invite, they have to invite me in.
00:06:18Right, yes, yes.
00:06:18I go to their home by telling them I will let them fuck me in, butt, bareback, no condom.
00:06:22Yes.
00:06:23Yes.
00:06:23And they do.
00:06:24Yes.
00:06:25And then afterwards I murdered them.
00:06:27Now, there's a lot of rumors that you're not an actual vampire.
00:06:30You're just a serial killer who targets gay men.
00:06:32I don't have the internet.
00:06:34What are these rumors?
00:06:35I told you.
00:06:36I just told you all of them.
00:06:38Gay men?
00:06:38I just told you the rumors.
00:06:39I've never killed a man for being gay.
00:06:41I've only killed people who are Abraham Lincoln.
00:06:44Okay.
00:06:44Very tall, very skinny, with beard.
00:06:47Any tall, bearded, skinny man.
00:06:48Yes, who was also 16th president of the United States.
00:06:51Now, I'm going to tell you this.
00:06:52A lot of other people are very aware of the fact that Abraham Lincoln was killed in 1865.
00:06:55He was assassinated.
00:06:56It's perhaps the most famous story in American history.
00:06:59I killed him then.
00:07:00We sold my cousin Vinny or whatever the dumpling was.
00:07:04I took him back.
00:07:05My American cousin.
00:07:07Yeah, my American.
00:07:07We also promote My Cousin Vinny.
00:07:10My Cousin Vinny.
00:07:11We want to go on record and promote My Cousin Vinny.
00:07:13Great movie.
00:07:14We sold my American cousin Vinny.
00:07:16I take him back.
00:07:17He fucked me in butt.
00:07:18Better back, no condom.
00:07:19Abraham Lincoln, the president.
00:07:20He fucked you in the butt.
00:07:21No condom.
00:07:22Not just him.
00:07:22Thousands upon thousands.
00:07:24This is one.
00:07:24Okay.
00:07:26Just one of the many Abraham Lincoln's killed.
00:07:28What are the questions?
00:07:29Okay.
00:07:30Abraham.
00:07:31Vampire Abraham Lincoln Hunter.
00:07:33Thank you for returning to the show.
00:07:34Let's go ahead.
00:07:35Do we have any calls?
00:07:35Patrick Connor on the calls.
00:07:36Remember, 949-415-TCGS.
00:07:39949-415-TCGS.
00:07:42Call us right now.
00:07:43You will be played through my actual clock radio.
00:07:46The calls will be broadcast through my actual clock radio.
00:07:49Hello.
00:07:52Oh no.
00:07:54Hello.
00:07:55Here, I'll just do it off my speaker phone.
00:07:57Okay.
00:07:57Right?
00:07:58Yeah.
00:07:59Hello.
00:07:59Right?
00:08:00Well, the problem isn't this.
00:08:01Oh.
00:08:02Give me this.
00:08:04Hold on.
00:08:04The problem is the phone.
00:08:06It is.
00:08:06I know what the problem is.
00:08:07Okay.
00:08:08Keep calling.
00:08:08Keep calling.
00:08:09949-415-TCGS.
00:08:11We need your calls.
00:08:12We need you to scare Bethany.
00:08:13Also.
00:08:14Don't call from lower Manhattan.
00:08:15Oh wait.
00:08:16Okay.
00:08:16Okay.
00:08:17Don't call from lower Manhattan.
00:08:19Hold on.
00:08:20Hold on.
00:08:20Oh wait.
00:08:20The call just ended.
00:08:21Okay.
00:08:22I'm not getting good reception on this side of the room.
00:08:24Excuse me.
00:08:25Excuse me.
00:08:25Call back whoever just called.
00:08:27Call.
00:08:27Oh no.
00:08:28We are still, despite being out of M&N, still plagued by technical difficulties.
00:08:33Oh, someone's calling from Texas it looks like.
00:08:35Okay.
00:08:37Hello.
00:08:40Okay.
00:08:43I'm going to press one.
00:08:44I'm going to accept your call.
00:08:44You're calling in real time.
00:08:45Hello.
00:08:46Welcome to the show.
00:08:48Hi.
00:08:49Hi.
00:08:49Who's this?
00:08:51This is Denise from Texas.
00:08:52Hey.
00:08:53How's it going Denise?
00:08:54Good to hear from you again.
00:08:56Yes.
00:08:57Good to hear from you guys.
00:08:58You guys all like you're having a lot of fun.
00:09:00I'm very jealous.
00:09:01Yeah.
00:09:01It's a lot of mayhem, but we're here in my bedroom.
00:09:03You can see it's my real bedroom.
00:09:05There's a John Starks poster behind me on the wall.
00:09:07I am an actual fan of John Starks.
00:09:10That is not bullshit.
00:09:10I like John Starks.
00:09:13I'm glad that you can see your poster selection.
00:09:16Why are you banana man tonight though?
00:09:19Cause it's Halloween.
00:09:20You got to dress up in a costume.
00:09:22Let's do this.
00:09:23Let's do this.
00:09:24Let's do this.
00:09:26Okay.
00:09:27Fair enough.
00:09:28What's that?
00:09:28Fair enough.
00:09:29Okay.
00:09:30Okay.
00:09:31Well, I just wanted to say, guys, it looks like you're having a lot of fun.
00:09:34I'm really jealous.
00:09:36And I cannot wait for you.
00:09:38Yeah.
00:09:39Yeah.
00:09:40Please be quiet during the phone calls.
00:09:42Ladies and gentlemen, once again, annoying and disrupting the show.
00:09:45Riley Salander has arrived.
00:09:47Let's have a hand for Riley.
00:09:50Okay.
00:09:50May I briefly plug Riley Spank?
00:09:53Riley Spank.
00:09:54We can plug away tonight.
00:09:55Riley Spank is wonderful.
00:09:57I want to give an endorsement.
00:09:58Okay.
00:09:59Hold on.
00:10:00It has run.
00:10:01It has run.
00:10:02Okay.
00:10:02Hold on.
00:10:02This show is a mess.
00:10:03Hold on.
00:10:03Hold on.
00:10:04Hello.
00:10:04You're on the show.
00:10:08Yes.
00:10:10Who's this?
00:10:12Who's this?
00:10:13You're from Jersey.
00:10:14Oh, I can hear you.
00:10:15Who from Jersey?
00:10:18Dean from New Jersey.
00:10:19You gotta speak up, man!
00:10:22Dean from New Jersey.
00:10:23Dean from New Jersey.
00:10:24Okay.
00:10:24Okay.
00:10:25Cool.
00:10:25What do you want to talk about tonight?
00:10:26Yeah.
00:10:29Can it be like a group story?
00:10:31Or a scary story?
00:10:33Yeah, we need scary stories.
00:10:34We're trying to scare Bethany.
00:10:35There's no way they're hearing these calls, is there?
00:10:37No way.
00:10:37Okay.
00:10:38We got it.
00:10:38We got it.
00:10:39We are answering calls in the basement.
00:10:41There are 30 people in my basement bedroom who have not thought too hard about how to
00:10:45take calls.
00:10:46Hey, Murph!
00:10:46The Reservoir guy!
00:10:48You're wearing a costume.
00:10:50You're not wearing a costume.
00:10:51No.
00:10:51Not quite.
00:10:52I mean, I'm kind of wearing a costume.
00:10:53Ernest B. Worrell!
00:10:55Yes!
00:10:55The people cannot see is referring to JD who's on camera.
00:10:58Now, Murph, you seem like you might be a little drunk.
00:11:00A little bit, yeah.
00:11:01It's night.
00:11:02It's night time.
00:11:04Okay, Murph.
00:11:04We're allowed to endorse corporate products tonight because we're not on MNN.
00:11:07Are there any corporations you want to get behind?
00:11:10Bushmills.
00:11:10Bushmills whiskey.
00:11:12Love whiskey.
00:11:13That's fine.
00:11:13Bushmills is good for me.
00:11:14Come here.
00:11:15Yo, I got one.
00:11:16Okay.
00:11:17Smart food.
00:11:18Smart food, white cheddar popcorn.
00:11:19Love this stuff.
00:11:21Hey, hang on a second.
00:11:21Okay.
00:11:21I really do.
00:11:23Connor, let's plug it in.
00:11:24Noah Foreman wants to FaceTime.
00:11:26Come on.
00:11:27We can't even take a regular call, man.
00:11:29All right.
00:11:30Okay.
00:11:30So, the calls are broken.
00:11:32The phones are broken.
00:11:33Let's do some Halloween shit.
00:11:33Now, what do we do?
00:11:35Okay.
00:11:35Does anyone in here have a scary story they want to scare Bethany with?
00:11:41Okay, wait.
00:11:42Let's turn out the lights.
00:11:44All lights off.
00:11:46Bethany, walk towards the laptop.
00:11:48It'll just be you.
00:11:49Everything off.
00:11:51Okay.
00:11:54Someone pass the strobe light off.
00:11:56Okay.
00:11:57Bethany, close your eyes.
00:11:59I already kind of don't like it.
00:12:00Bethany, close your eyes.
00:12:01Are your eyes closed?
00:12:03Do you promise?
00:12:03Yes, I promise.
00:12:04Okay.
00:12:04Now, anyone in this room is allowed to do whatever they want to scare Bethany.
00:12:08Anyone in this entire room can do anything they want to scare Bethany.
00:12:11Let's maintain silence at first, though.
00:12:13Should I put my beard out?
00:12:15No, no, no.
00:12:16Total silence.
00:12:17I think it was a call.
00:12:19And now, anybody can step up and do what they want to scare Bethany.
00:12:22No touching my butt.
00:12:25Any other part's okay, but no butt.
00:12:30No one is doing anything.
00:12:32Thus far, no one has chosen to take action.
00:12:36Inactivity is very scary.
00:12:41It seems like Bethany enjoys that.
00:12:44Banana Man.
00:12:45She's liking that.
00:12:46Banana Man blew on Bethany.
00:12:48She did not.
00:12:48She's not faced.
00:12:49She enjoyed it.
00:12:50Okay.
00:12:52Anyone else want to scare Bethany?
00:12:54Bethany, we may be doing this for the full hour.
00:12:57Bethany, imagine that you are being forced to have an abortion while the trade centers blow up again.
00:13:04This is a Barack Obama presidency.
00:13:06It's right.
00:13:07A Barack Obama presidency will bring this.
00:13:10So, Vampire, you're saying that a Barack Obama presidency involves abortions happening while the world trade centers are knocked down
00:13:17again.
00:13:17I'm a social conservative.
00:13:19Okay.
00:13:20Okay.
00:13:22All right.
00:13:23And so, I'm terrified for our country.
00:13:26And Bethany, you should be too.
00:13:27I understand.
00:13:28Now, Bethany, did that scare you?
00:13:29Um, imagining myself being forced to have an abortion does scare me.
00:13:33Don't forget about the World Trade Center.
00:13:34What about the World Trade Center?
00:13:36Cut the World Trade Center.
00:13:37No!
00:13:39Wait, wait, let's get quiet.
00:13:41Whoever's on the phone, you're speaking directly to Bethany.
00:13:43Bethany, let's get real close to the computer.
00:13:44Who is on the phone?
00:13:45Hello.
00:13:46Hey.
00:13:47Hey, this is Julia.
00:13:48I'm usually at the show, but I'm stranded right now.
00:13:50Okay, Julia.
00:13:52Sorry that you're stranded.
00:13:53Hello.
00:13:53Great to hear from you.
00:13:54Are there any scary stories you would like to tell Bethany?
00:13:59Um, I can think of a sad story with an Hellbaker guy.
00:14:02Yes.
00:14:03Tell us a sad story.
00:14:04The things that scare me.
00:14:05Okay.
00:14:06This is a true story.
00:14:08And my dad's going to be upset.
00:14:10My dad's sitting right here.
00:14:11Um, we're sitting at someone else's house.
00:14:12We don't have power.
00:14:13I'm upset.
00:14:14Okay.
00:14:15Oh wait, focus.
00:14:16Quiet, quiet, focus.
00:14:17Okay.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:19So, um, I don't take baths anymore.
00:14:22You don't take baths?
00:14:23Because, uh, my, my mom was really sick.
00:14:27And, uh, I used to take really long baths.
00:14:29An hour and a half long.
00:14:31And one night I, uh, took a bath.
00:14:34And, uh, I got out of the bathtub.
00:14:36And she wasn't there.
00:14:37She had to go to the hospital.
00:14:39And, uh, I wasn't allowed to go see her at the hospital.
00:14:42And then a couple days later she passed away.
00:14:44Ooh.
00:14:45Okay, Bethany.
00:14:46If Bethany cries, Julia wins every t-shirt we've ever put out.
00:14:49She's crying.
00:14:51And, uh, since then, since then I haven't taken baths.
00:14:54I only take showers.
00:14:56Okay.
00:14:56You only take showers because of the association with baths, of your mother's tragic death,
00:15:01which we're all very sorry about.
00:15:03Being that you brought it up, Bethany, did you cry?
00:15:06I didn't cry, but I'm really sorry.
00:15:09And I won't take baths either.
00:15:10Okay, Julia.
00:15:11I'm sorry to tell you.
00:15:12I'm sorry to tell you that you did not win the game.
00:15:15You do not win any t-shirts.
00:15:16But you have stopped Bethany from ever taking a bath again.
00:15:19Can I endorse something?
00:15:20You can endorse a corporate product.
00:15:22Uh, I would like to endorse the movie Dave from 1993.
00:15:26Kevin Kline.
00:15:26Kevin Kline, yeah.
00:15:27Yes.
00:15:28I think a lot of us, I think a lot of us can get behind that.
00:15:31We call in Phoenix.
00:15:32Okay, somebody's calling.
00:15:33Okay, Julia, thank you so much for the call.
00:15:34I'm sorry, Julia.
00:15:35What a story to win those t-shirts.
00:15:37Hold on.
00:15:38One second.
00:15:39Hold on, vampire.
00:15:41Watch the chattering.
00:15:42Hello, hello.
00:15:42Welcome to the show.
00:15:44Hello?
00:15:45Yes, who's this?
00:15:47This is Claire from Oakland.
00:15:48Claire from Oakland.
00:15:49Welcome back to the show.
00:15:50Good to hear from you again.
00:15:52Hello, how are you guys doing?
00:15:54Good.
00:15:54The show, we got Mimi doing hoops on my bed.
00:15:57We got all kind of calls coming in.
00:15:59We're trying to scare Bethany.
00:16:00It's Halloween here in New York.
00:16:01Do you have anything you'd like to say to Bethany to try to scare her?
00:16:04Can I open my eyes?
00:16:05No.
00:16:06Well, I had a scary dream the other night that almost came true the next night.
00:16:10Okay.
00:16:11You had a scary premonition dream.
00:16:12Tell it to us.
00:16:14Okay, so the other night I had a dream that I was driving in a pickup truck with Dwayne
00:16:20The Rock Johnson.
00:16:22Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
00:16:23That is awesome.
00:16:24Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
00:16:25And then we pulled over.
00:16:26Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
00:16:26It was like a very foggy kind of Northern California woodsy area.
00:16:32And we sat in the back of the truck and started making out.
00:16:36I like this.
00:16:39Like hardcore.
00:16:41Good.
00:16:41And he got really violent and then he kind of pulled me away from his face and then all
00:16:47of a sudden Dwayne The Rock Johnson started choking me.
00:16:56Choking.
00:16:57He's a big guy.
00:17:02And then I was like, oh my god, what is happening?
00:17:05And then all of a sudden he pulls out a large knife and then starts stabbing this shit out
00:17:10of my head.
00:17:13So Dwayne The Rock Johnson choked you and stabbed you in a dream.
00:17:16Now you said the dream almost came true.
00:17:18How was that?
00:17:19So the next night I went on a first date with someone who I didn't really know very well.
00:17:24Oh my god.
00:17:24Don't finish the story.
00:17:25Finish the story.
00:17:28I don't get stabbed or anything.
00:17:31But it was just odd because we went back to my house afterwards.
00:17:37This is how I am in my life right now.
00:17:39And we went back to my house and he puts out his own book bag.
00:17:44And I saw on his holster.
00:17:47Why did he have a little book bag?
00:17:51I'm sorry.
00:17:52What did he say?
00:17:53No, continue.
00:17:54Sorry.
00:17:55Okay.
00:17:55So he had on his holster a little knife that dudes wear on his old buckles.
00:18:01And I was like, oh, that's weird.
00:18:03I've never dated a guy who left on a knife.
00:18:05And then he pulls out all this stuff from his bag.
00:18:09He's just said nothing.
00:18:10He's going to pull out his computer.
00:18:11And then I see this giant knife about like 10 inches long maybe.
00:18:18Okay.
00:18:18Oh my god.
00:18:20This is a fancy ass holster.
00:18:23Like the knife guy.
00:18:24Claire, let's wrap it up.
00:18:25You're just reiterating that he had a knife.
00:18:28Claire, let's wrap it up.
00:18:30She went on a date with The Undertaker.
00:18:36That's my favorite line from Spain.
00:18:39So Claire, so you went on a date with a knife man after hearing that Dwayne The Rock Johnson
00:18:44almost stabbed you in a dream.
00:18:46Yes, exactly.
00:18:48That's what it was.
00:18:48You know, I don't turn out a jam.
00:18:50I'm still here.
00:18:51Okay.
00:18:51Now, right now I think you're in the lead because you're the first story we heard.
00:18:54But Bethany, you see you're actually scared.
00:18:55Yeah, you see it's a dead mother story.
00:18:56I don't...
00:18:57Yeah, those things are really great.
00:19:00With your dream and bad date, you beat that girl's dead mother.
00:19:04Okay.
00:19:04Hey, vampire Abraham Lincoln.
00:19:05Yeah, give her a picture.
00:19:06Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:19:07Turn on the light.
00:19:07Turn on the light.
00:19:08Turn on the light.
00:19:09This is your second time on the show.
00:19:12You are dominating it.
00:19:14I apologize.
00:19:14You are dominating the show.
00:19:16It's your second time.
00:19:19Thanks for the beer, Rob.
00:19:20Okay, anybody else while the lights are on?
00:19:22Drinks, snacks.
00:19:23Who needs stuff from...
00:19:24Okay, we got Rita.
00:19:25Okay, who's that?
00:19:26Kalski.
00:19:27Okay, we need some beers over there.
00:19:28Oh, shit.
00:19:29Shit's getting spilled all over my bedroom.
00:19:32Okay.
00:19:34Uh-huh.
00:19:35Hello, hello.
00:19:40Hold on one second, one second.
00:19:42We're handing out drinks.
00:19:43Hey, Lucy!
00:19:44What's up, Lucy?
00:19:45How are you?
00:19:46I'm good.
00:19:47I'm good.
00:19:47What, some stickers?
00:19:49Oh, nice.
00:19:49No, I'm okay.
00:19:50Yes, we got candy.
00:19:52Okay, last call.
00:19:53Last call.
00:19:55Okay, let's get back to the show.
00:19:56Let's get back to silence.
00:19:57Let's kill the lights.
00:19:58Kembeck, look at that outfit.
00:20:00Kembeck's got a great outfit.
00:20:02Okay.
00:20:02I'm not Kembeck.
00:20:03I'm Pizza Head.
00:20:04Pizza Head.
00:20:06Pizza Head.
00:20:07Pizza Head.
00:20:07Pizza Head.
00:20:08Pizza Head on the lights.
00:20:10Pizza Head on the lights.
00:20:11Okay, silence.
00:20:12Quiet down.
00:20:13Quiet down.
00:20:14Okay, wait.
00:20:16Silence.
00:20:17Silence.
00:20:18Oh, please.
00:20:18We got a lot of drunks in my bedroom.
00:20:20Hello.
00:20:20Welcome to the show.
00:20:21Who are you?
00:20:23I'm so excited.
00:20:24Oh, Claire from Oakland.
00:20:26Thank you for the call.
00:20:29Hello.
00:20:29Hi.
00:20:29I'm Old Iron.
00:20:30Hello.
00:20:31Who's this?
00:20:32Hello.
00:20:33This is the Old Iron Giant.
00:20:35I've got a scary story live from Phoenix, Arizona.
00:20:38Okay, okay.
00:20:39So the Iron Giant.
00:20:40You have a scary story for Bethany.
00:20:41Why don't you tell it to us?
00:20:42No, I'm good.
00:20:43Thanks.
00:20:44Excuse me.
00:20:45I can barely hear you.
00:20:46Okay, tell us your scary story.
00:20:47Yes, Bethany.
00:20:48Close your eyes.
00:20:49And the Iron Giant, tell us your scary story.
00:20:54There was a little girl, about 16 years of age, sick with a terrible flu.
00:21:02But her parents would have taken home, you know, her little sister, out trick-and-treating.
00:21:07While she had ridden.
00:21:10Craving home.
00:21:11And left her with her dog.
00:21:16Sir, I don't know.
00:21:17What do you think of this story, Bethany?
00:21:18It sounds like some of my scary stories to tell in the dark.
00:21:21Murph, go ahead.
00:21:21Go ahead.
00:21:22Let's critique it.
00:21:22Murph, your official job tonight will be to critique the stories.
00:21:25Yeah.
00:21:26So, okay, Iron Giant.
00:21:27No.
00:21:27From Phoenix.
00:21:28Murph has some opinions on your story.
00:21:30That's like scary stories to tell in the dark.
00:21:31We're not at a book fair in fourth grade.
00:21:33Let's fucking tell some stories.
00:21:35All right.
00:21:35Let's tell some fucking stories, people.
00:21:37All right.
00:21:38Hey, Murph, don't you have scary stories?
00:21:39I got two scary stories.
00:21:40Okay, I hung up.
00:21:41Sorry, Iron Giant.
00:21:42Thank you for the call.
00:21:42Okay.
00:21:43Wait, hold on, hold on.
00:21:44Who's this?
00:21:44New caller, new caller.
00:21:45Who's this?
00:21:47This is still the old Iron Giant.
00:21:49Okay.
00:21:49Wow.
00:21:50Still the old Iron Giant.
00:21:51The old Iron Giant.
00:21:52The old Iron Giant.
00:21:52You get the last laugh after all.
00:21:54Okay.
00:21:54We don't have a musical guest tonight.
00:21:56I do have a lot of records.
00:21:58So, Heidi, Zane, and Kiri are here.
00:21:59Maybe you guys can pick out and curate some musical performances for a dance party in my bedroom.
00:22:03They're all over there.
00:22:04Okay.
00:22:04We're getting a call from Utica.
00:22:06Let's let Heidi and Kiri Zane through.
00:22:08Whoops.
00:22:09Sorry.
00:22:09Hello.
00:22:11Hello.
00:22:12Hello.
00:22:13Who's this?
00:22:16Are you there?
00:22:18Hello.
00:22:19Hello, are you here?
00:22:21Do we have to go to this end of the room?
00:22:23Okay.
00:22:23Maybe, yeah, we might need to step further back towards this end of the room.
00:22:26You are right.
00:22:27Okay.
00:22:28Um, Bethany, close your eyes.
00:22:30You have to keep your eyes closed the entire time so people in this room can scare you.
00:22:34Okay.
00:22:35Rob Malone, what's your favorite Halloween memory?
00:22:38Okay, let's get Rob Malone a little closer.
00:22:41Rob Malone, your favorite Halloween memory.
00:22:45Let's see, what was my first Halloween memory?
00:22:47Okay, wait.
00:22:47Let's clear it.
00:22:48First Halloween memory that I can still remember.
00:22:51Um, I think I was Joker in like third grade.
00:22:55That was pretty good.
00:22:56And then I think a couple years later for Halloween I was the Headless Horseman.
00:23:01I made the costume myself.
00:23:02That was pretty good.
00:23:03Let's see what else I do on Halloween.
00:23:05You're really sick two years ago on Halloween.
00:23:08Um, uh, Andrew can you give me another beer?
00:23:12Uh, let's see.
00:23:13Rob, new topic, new topic.
00:23:15I have new topic.
00:23:16What else?
00:23:17You have to earn this beer, Rob.
00:23:18Okay, what's the new topic?
00:23:20So Rob, the new topic is this.
00:23:21There is a girl named Kara who is in Spain right now who I think has a crush on you.
00:23:25She's been making videos about you.
00:23:27Mmm.
00:23:27How do you feel about that?
00:23:30Our friend Kara Chapman from Asbury University.
00:23:33I met her in, uh, Kentucky.
00:23:34Asbury University.
00:23:35Kara Chapman, yes.
00:23:36She clearly has a crush on you.
00:23:37How do you feel about it?
00:23:38Well, I don't know.
00:23:39I mean, why do you face the crush on you?
00:23:41She's making videos about how much she loves you.
00:23:43Yeah.
00:23:43People have made videos about me in the past.
00:23:46No big love is the comment.
00:23:48Do you know?
00:23:49I'm saying I'm honored.
00:23:51I think it's really awesome and I really like the video.
00:23:53It's great editing.
00:23:54She did a really good job.
00:23:55She highlighted me really well.
00:23:56So you like the quality of the video.
00:23:58Oh my gosh.
00:23:58And I was honored.
00:23:59It was a good day.
00:24:01I was psyched to see it.
00:24:02Now, may I ask you maybe an inappropriate question?
00:24:05Kara Chapman, Asbury University.
00:24:07How inappropriate are we getting here?
00:24:08When she gets back from Spain to America, will you take this young lady on a date?
00:24:12She lives in Kentucky.
00:24:13Well, I'll pay to get you out there.
00:24:15If I get you back to Kentucky, will you go on a date?
00:24:19Hubba hubba, yum yum.
00:24:20I am putting you in an awkward spot.
00:24:22I am putting you in an awkward spot.
00:24:24But it's Halloween, it's New York City, and we're drinking on camera.
00:24:26Can I answer?
00:24:28Do it.
00:24:28Do it.
00:24:31Do it.
00:24:32Do it.
00:24:33Do it.
00:24:36Yes, for Bethany, you've been trying to speak.
00:24:39All I was going to say is I have premonition genes too, a lot.
00:24:43Okay, Bethany has premonition genes.
00:24:44Keith, give me that number.
00:24:45And that kind of shit scares me.
00:24:47Get out of here.
00:24:48That was it.
00:24:48That was...
00:24:49Okay.
00:24:52949-415-TCGS.
00:24:53949-415-TCGS.
00:24:55Sorry that we're having trouble with the phones.
00:24:57We're winging it.
00:24:57I have 22 voicemails.
00:24:59We have missed 22 voicemails so far.
00:25:01Please keep just trying to call.
00:25:03I promise we will get you on.
00:25:04I know it's frustrating, but we'll get you on.
00:25:05949-415-TCGS.
00:25:08Okay, music bookers, how are we doing?
00:25:10Do you want to just put on a song?
00:25:12Let's just put on a song.
00:25:13Let's turn on the lights.
00:25:13Turn on the lights.
00:25:15Side A.
00:25:16Side A.
00:25:17Okay.
00:25:17Of this.
00:25:18We're having a dance party.
00:25:19I want to release the bats.
00:25:21I wish this is not for shell shag.
00:25:22That side is on this.
00:25:23Oh, okay.
00:25:24We want the what?
00:25:25Release the bats.
00:25:25This is shell shag.
00:25:26Track one.
00:25:27Track one.
00:25:28Okay.
00:25:29Hit power, Johnny.
00:25:30We should probably stick to track one.
00:25:31Yeah.
00:25:33Okay.
00:25:34Everybody.
00:25:35Our musical bookers have picked this.
00:25:37We're going to go ahead.
00:25:38We're going to have a dance party.
00:25:39Everybody really dance.
00:25:41But watch out for Kristen's valuable possessions.
00:25:43Yes, don't break any of my shit, but also dance.
00:25:46Turn it up!
00:25:48Turn it up!
00:25:49Turn it up!
00:25:50Turn it up!
00:25:50That's as loud as it goes!
00:25:53Whoo!
00:25:55Whoo!
00:25:55Whoo!
00:25:56Whoo!
00:26:00Woo!
00:26:03Hi, folks, everyone's showing me.
00:26:05We're dancing right now.
00:26:06You're on the wrong speed.
00:26:07The wrong speed.
00:26:08The wrong speed.
00:26:11G!!!
00:26:11Ha!
00:26:13Ha!
00:26:15Ha!
00:26:16Ha!
00:26:18Ha!
00:26:18How the fuck is it to 45?
00:26:22Is that right? That's not right.
00:26:24Is this it?
00:26:26Correct me!
00:26:31Turn the lights on!
00:26:39Make sure you get hot dog's hips in that shot.
00:26:42Hot dog's nipples!
00:26:43Hot dog, come forward with your nipples!
00:26:47Release the bands!
00:26:49Don't have these deserts!
00:26:51Everyone sing along!
00:26:55I don't like your band.
00:26:57I don't like your band.
00:27:00I don't like your band.
00:27:01I don't like your band.
00:27:03She needs to be so generous.
00:27:06Sex and damn bad sex.
00:27:07I don't like your band.
00:27:10Sex and damn bad sex.
00:27:13I don't know.
00:27:15I don't know.
00:27:16Dan when's the band?
00:27:19Room manager...
00:27:20No.
00:27:21No.
00:27:28Ah, I don't know...
00:27:33I don't know!
00:27:39Well, man during the the game...
00:28:01Do it for Nana Man!
00:28:02Do it for Nana Man!
00:28:04Do it for Nana Man!
00:28:13I just bought that duvet cover!
00:28:16I just bought that duvet cover!
00:28:19Alright!
00:28:22Let's go ahead, let's turn the lights!
00:28:25Let's get down to silence because we have a call.
00:28:27Caller, are you there?
00:28:30Hello?
00:28:33Hello, are you here?
00:28:35Hello?
00:28:35Yes, who's this?
00:28:39Hi, I'm Phoebe.
00:28:40Hi, Phoebe.
00:28:41So do you have a scary story for Bethany?
00:28:44Hi, Superdango.
00:28:45Okay, let's quiet down everyone.
00:28:46Scary story?
00:28:47Don't underestimate my tolerance for fear.
00:28:49Okay, Cory, let's come forward because we've got to be on this side of the room.
00:28:53Yes, Phoebe, tell us your scary story.
00:28:56Alright, so my friend is moving into her first ever Chicago apartment.
00:28:59She doesn't really know what to look for.
00:29:01This goes for one that's really cheap.
00:29:03It seems like it's a great deal.
00:29:04Like all the showers and tasks working fine.
00:29:07The only thing is that she's kind of a strange landlord, right?
00:29:10No, her first night in there with all her friends who she's living with now.
00:29:14Um, she's got like some roommates and stuff like a bunch of stuff.
00:29:17And of course the power goes out.
00:29:18So she and her friends go down into the building.
00:29:21Okay.
00:29:23They've never been in the basement before.
00:29:25Okay, quiet, quiet, quiet.
00:29:27Silence.
00:29:28Okay, continue, Phoebe.
00:29:30Okay.
00:29:30So they bring a f***ing night down there.
00:29:33They bring a what?
00:29:33And they're walking down the stairs.
00:29:35My friend turns on her flashlight and the first thing she sees in front of her
00:29:39is a dead cat hanging from the ceiling.
00:29:42A dead cat hanging from the ceiling in the basement of her new apartment.
00:29:45Okay, Phoebe, continue.
00:29:46Okay, so she's pushed out.
00:29:48And she and her friend, they run back upstairs.
00:29:51As long as we get back up there, they're kind of like a breathing arm.
00:29:53And they're like, all right, like, we gotta settle down.
00:29:56It wasn't really such a big deal.
00:29:57And the little white coos are in kind of a party mood.
00:29:59They're like, all right, we're gonna take our other friend,
00:30:01their friend Joe.
00:30:02And they're like, we're gonna take Joe down there.
00:30:04We're gonna tell him we can't fix the transformer.
00:30:06Like, he's gonna do a dead cat.
00:30:07It's gonna be hilarious.
00:30:09Okay, so they're gonna show Joe.
00:30:12And Joe's being like, ugh, you guys are ridiculous.
00:30:15Of course, like, you wouldn't know how to fix the transformer anymore.
00:30:18But then, my friend lifts on the lights.
00:30:22There are like, 20 dead cats in the ceiling.
00:30:2620 dead cats.
00:30:29Okay, Murph, your review of that story.
00:30:32I mean, it was slightly confusing, but from my understanding,
00:30:36there was a multiplication of dead cats.
00:30:39Which is terrifying.
00:30:40That's like 180 lives.
00:30:42That's a lot of lives.
00:30:43180 lives!
00:30:45Count it.
00:30:46Pretty scary story.
00:30:47Ooh!
00:30:47I can get credit.
00:30:49We know that.
00:30:49Okay, so, Bethany.
00:30:50Right, yeah.
00:30:51Before it was the Rock Johnson, now it's dead cats.
00:30:53Which one is currently in the lead?
00:30:55Rock Johnson is more scary to me.
00:30:56Okay, Rock Johnson.
00:30:58People disagree.
00:30:59People disagree.
00:31:01Okay.
00:31:02Jesus Christ.
00:31:02So, right now, Rock Johnson still in the lead.
00:31:05Hold on, another call.
00:31:05Who's this?
00:31:07Hey!
00:31:09Yeah, hi, how are you?
00:31:11Oh, I'm doing good.
00:31:12I got a little lag on the stream.
00:31:14This is Todd from Pittsburgh.
00:31:16I have a story.
00:31:17Okay, so, Todd from Pittsburgh.
00:31:19Right now, you have to beat Dwayne the Rock Johnson,
00:31:21killing someone in a dream.
00:31:22What is your scary story?
00:31:25Okay.
00:31:26So, I live by myself now,
00:31:29but I used to live with my mom and my sister
00:31:33in a small town of Pittsburgh.
00:31:35And, uh, they say my parents, my parents are divorced,
00:31:39but, uh, when my whole family lives there,
00:31:41they feel like freaky with you on all the time,
00:31:43because they, long story short,
00:31:46they had bought this house from a woman,
00:31:49and her husband died in a motorcycle accident.
00:31:52Okay, husband died.
00:31:53And, when the quote-unquote ghost came back,
00:31:58like, he was, like, costing the family, okay?
00:32:00Okay!
00:32:00What?
00:32:01This one Christmas, I guess my parents got in an argument
00:32:05over something, and my sister and I were already asleep.
00:32:10And, uh, my, my dad had, like, uh, gone out back,
00:32:14and he was throwing away the garbage,
00:32:16and he left the back door open,
00:32:18and when he came back inside,
00:32:20he said there was, like, a man standing in the kitchen
00:32:23with a top hat.
00:32:25He was just, like, staring at him.
00:32:27So, he thought it was just, like, some, like, robber, or something.
00:32:31So, he went to punch the guy.
00:32:33He punched through the guy.
00:32:36Punched through the guy.
00:32:36And, like, that would be...
00:32:38What's that? I can't, I can't hardly hear you.
00:32:40No, we're just all listening with rapt attention.
00:32:43So, he punched through the guy.
00:32:45Yes, he punched through the guy,
00:32:47and he claimed that, like, it, like, pushed him back
00:32:50into a kitchen table,
00:32:52and a kitchen table fell,
00:32:54and, uh, and it's, like, freaky shit like that go all the time.
00:32:59There was another Christmas where we came downstairs,
00:33:01and our presents were open for us.
00:33:03Presents were open for us.
00:33:05Oh, my God.
00:33:05Ooh.
00:33:06I, uh, I didn't find it until years later
00:33:09that, like, my dad said, like, yeah, we had wrapped those,
00:33:12and you just came down, and they were unwrapped,
00:33:15so we just wrapped them.
00:33:16Okay.
00:33:16Yeah, this is...
00:33:17Okay, so, Murph, hold on, Todd.
00:33:18I'm gonna cut you off.
00:33:19Great story.
00:33:20Murph, your review of the, your review of Todd from Pittsburgh.
00:33:22Well, this is outside Pittsburgh, so this is a,
00:33:24this is a common Western Pennsylvania story.
00:33:26Your dad is drunk, and he wandered downstairs,
00:33:29and he opened up Christmas presents,
00:33:31and he had a bit, a bit of a visual hallucination
00:33:33and fell through a table, so...
00:33:34Okay.
00:33:35Murph thanks, Todd, Murph thanks your dad.
00:33:36It's Western Pennsylvania.
00:33:37No, no, no.
00:33:38Murph thanks your dad is only justifying his drunken behavior
00:33:41with these stories.
00:33:42Bethany?
00:33:43Uh, that's my least favorite story so far.
00:33:45I mean, I mean, it's most scary to me.
00:33:47Most scary?
00:33:48Yeah.
00:33:49Okay, Todd, you're in the lead.
00:33:50You're in the lead right now.
00:33:52I really, um...
00:33:53Oh, I don't, like, wanna say this, but I...
00:33:56What's that?
00:33:58I said, I said, between you, that's fair.
00:34:01Because you always say, that's fair.
00:34:02I do always say, that's fair.
00:34:04I really know.
00:34:05Okay, Todd, you're currently in the lead.
00:34:07I really don't like ghost stories.
00:34:09Oh, Becky, are you crying?
00:34:10No.
00:34:11Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:34:12Everybody quiet, because Bethany might cry.
00:34:14I'm not gonna cry, I'm not.
00:34:14Todd might win every t-shirt we've ever made.
00:34:17I just don't like ghost stories so much.
00:34:19Bethany, the ghost pushed him through a table.
00:34:20Don't, okay, okay.
00:34:21Bethany.
00:34:22Bethany.
00:34:23The ghost ruined Christmas, Bethany.
00:34:26Bethany, the ghost ruined Christmas.
00:34:28I can't hear you.
00:34:28I just, I don't like ghost stories so much.
00:34:31Okay, Todd, you might win one t-shirt.
00:34:33I tried to help you get all of them.
00:34:34Not so much.
00:34:35So, Vampire Abraham Lincoln Hunter.
00:34:36Fuck that.
00:34:37The ghost of the Monopoly man opens your presents,
00:34:39and you're scared if the dead mommy gives you nothing?
00:34:41Now, if a man in a top hat shows up in your house, what do you do?
00:34:44I say, I don't give a shit.
00:34:46He's probably from my time.
00:34:48I thought you would fuck a man with a top hat.
00:34:50Wait, a man with a top hat?
00:34:50Oh, yeah, I would let him fuck me in bath, and I would kill him.
00:34:53You dropped the ball.
00:34:54I dropped the ball.
00:34:56I was so mad.
00:34:58Let's cut him up.
00:34:59Rob Malone, Vampire's cut off.
00:35:00He missed the easiest set of comedy history.
00:35:03He missed the easiest cut of set of comedy history.
00:35:06Everybody, let's be quiet.
00:35:07We have a very special person on the phone.
00:35:09I think he has come through.
00:35:10Is this my old friend and the man I am endorsing for president, Connor Ratliff?
00:35:15That's it.
00:35:16That's it.
00:35:16I'm a presidential candidate, Connor Ratliff.
00:35:19Connor Ratliff.
00:35:21Woo!
00:35:23Woo!
00:35:28And before we move on, I want to endorse something,
00:35:30and this is not necessarily a corporate thing.
00:35:32When you get kale, don't get too much garlic in the kale.
00:35:35You'll fuck up the kale.
00:35:36I wanted to endorse that.
00:35:37Okay, Connor, what did you want to talk about tonight?
00:35:41Well, I know a lot of the scary stories that people have been calling up with have been dreams.
00:35:46Yes.
00:35:47You know, not real things that are happening, but I wanted to call about a real-life nightmare that I'm
00:35:53living through right now.
00:35:55Okay, Connor, so your real-life nightmare that's unfolding right now. Fill us in.
00:35:59Yeah.
00:36:00Yeah.
00:36:01So I've been running for president for over a year now.
00:36:03Yes, we know.
00:36:04And at this moment, Barack Obama is running for president, Mitt Romney is running for president, and I am running
00:36:11for president.
00:36:11We've all worked on board.
00:36:14But with less than a week to go, no one knows which one of us will be elected president next
00:36:20Tuesday night.
00:36:22Spooky.
00:36:23Spooky.
00:36:25Now, Connor, this might be a good time to mention.
00:36:27The Chris Gethard Show has been asked and has accepted the offer.
00:36:31We will be doing MNN's live coverage of the presidential election.
00:36:35Noon to midnight next Tuesday.
00:36:37We're doing all the election coverage.
00:36:39I'm told it's the longest broadcast that will ever happen in MNN history.
00:36:44We will be there.
00:36:44It's real.
00:36:45Alyssa will be there refreshing the internet, giving us all the actual electoral updates.
00:36:50We're going to have all sorts of bits and games, and Connor, I understand your campaign headquarters will be set
00:36:54up at the MNN facility.
00:36:58That's correct.
00:36:59Okay, thank you for verifying.
00:37:03Okay, well, Connor, good luck.
00:37:05That was a scary story.
00:37:06I'm rooting for you.
00:37:07We'll be there together next Tuesday, so I can't wait to keep checking in with you, and we'll see how
00:37:11the election goes.
00:37:12And everybody, remember, you can tune in any time between noon and midnight next Tuesday.
00:37:15We'll have your election coverage.
00:37:17That is our show next week.
00:37:19Did I make Bethany cry?
00:37:21You did not make Bethany cry.
00:37:22I'm sorry.
00:37:23All right, we're going to not take calls.
00:37:25Do you want to hear a nice scary story?
00:37:26Okay, Bethany, you have a scary story, and then we have a special guest in the studio.
00:37:29Oh, okay.
00:37:30Let's do the special guest first.
00:37:31Is that okay?
00:37:32Yeah.
00:37:32Because he has shown up out of the blue, ladies and gentlemen, the poet, Phil Jackson.
00:37:39We don't know where he came from.
00:37:41We don't know how far he had to walk to get here tonight.
00:37:45People walked, Patrick, Connor, and Bethany walked over the Queensborough Bridge to get to the show.
00:37:48Phil, I don't know where you come from.
00:37:51How far, how long it took you.
00:37:52So close, yet so far away.
00:37:55How's everybody doing tonight?
00:37:59So I got a happy Halloween to you, sir.
00:38:01I got a little Halloween poem for y'all.
00:38:05I just had dinner.
00:38:06It was a vegetable sandwich.
00:38:08It was very good.
00:38:09So it's all right.
00:38:10I'll share with y'all.
00:38:10Is that cool?
00:38:15Halloween, Nickelodeon.
00:38:16Are you afraid of the dark?
00:38:19Classic movies, Jaws.
00:38:20Are you afraid of the shark?
00:38:23Public NYC spaces that are central.
00:38:25Are you afraid of the park?
00:38:27Big Dog, Stephen King, Cujo.
00:38:29Are you afraid of the bark?
00:38:31Big Trees, Redwood.
00:38:32Are you afraid of the bark?
00:38:34Rough Riders, DMX.
00:38:36Are you afraid of the bark?
00:38:40Yeah.
00:38:41On a date with good chemistry, but you just got your heart broken.
00:38:44Are you afraid of the spark?
00:38:46German currency is beating the dollar.
00:38:48Are you afraid of the Deutsche Mark?
00:38:50All you have are a pair of jacks.
00:38:53Are you afraid of the heart?
00:38:54If they're more than queens or higher, you better be.
00:38:58Because this is Halloween, so we get spooky.
00:39:01Just like that band Green Day, they got dookie.
00:39:04Just like that Sesame Street monster, he got kooky.
00:39:08Just like the NBA draft, they get rookies.
00:39:12And just like that Jersey Shore show, they get snooky.
00:39:16Spooky Halloween.
00:39:18Are you afraid of the dark?
00:39:21No!
00:39:23He disappeared.
00:39:25He's a ghost.
00:39:25Like a fantastic.
00:39:26He's a Halloween ghost.
00:39:27He disappeared.
00:39:28Alright, cool it, Riley.
00:39:30No.
00:39:30Less is more, Riley.
00:39:31Less is more, Riley.
00:39:32I do.
00:39:33Mathematically speaking, no.
00:39:37Okay.
00:39:38Hold on.
00:39:38Quiet, everyone.
00:39:40Hallie from LLC has a ghost story.
00:39:42She wants to tell Bethany.
00:39:43Yes.
00:39:44Let's go ahead and see.
00:39:45She can scare Bethany the most.
00:39:46Okay, the college that I went to is in Ohio.
00:39:49It's Kenyan College and it's notoriously haunted.
00:39:51And this is one of our favorite ghost stories.
00:39:52But first I want to do the thing where I give you the chills.
00:39:54Can I do that?
00:39:55Sure.
00:39:55Remember from summer parties?
00:39:57X marks the spot with a dot, dot, dot.
00:39:59Shiver up, shiver down, shiver all around.
00:40:01Crack an egg.
00:40:02Crack another.
00:40:03Cool breeze.
00:40:04Tight squeeze.
00:40:04Spread your snakes.
00:40:05Crumb up your sleeves.
00:40:06Now you got the chills.
00:40:07Did it work?
00:40:08Yeah.
00:40:09That was a chill, huh?
00:40:10Okay.
00:40:12So our favorite, one of the oldest ghost stories from my college is that there was a big dance
00:40:18back when it was like still a men's college and there were women visiting from a nearby
00:40:22women's college.
00:40:23They had this dancer and had an amazing time.
00:40:25And then the dance was over and the women were supposed to go back to the women's college.
00:40:30Some of them had figured out a way to like sneak rides the next day.
00:40:34So some of these women are like in the dorms, but like no one knows, there's no record of
00:40:41them.
00:40:41They're not like students at the college.
00:40:43Okay.
00:40:44So a fire tears through the dorm.
00:40:47This actually happened.
00:40:48Huge fire, like tears through the oldest dorm on campus.
00:40:52And it hit so hard and so fast that so many students were trapped in the building, trying
00:40:57to get out of the building.
00:40:58And I think there were at least 12 students died that night.
00:41:02And some of them were women from this women's college and it took a long time to figure out
00:41:06who they were, who was missing, who had died.
00:41:09And so that was tragedy, horrible.
00:41:11It was one of the oldest buildings on campus that they decided to rebuild it in this like
00:41:15statement to like, you know, recover from this tragedy.
00:41:17And when they rebuilt it, it was not for fire purposes, but for other reasons, just because
00:41:21the building was more modernized.
00:41:24They, they built the building exactly the same, but three feet higher.
00:41:28So whole buildings exactly the same, just sits three feet higher off the ground.
00:41:33And to this day, and it's happened for decades now, people say that they're woken up by screams
00:41:38of fire.
00:41:39They wake up feeling that people are shaking them.
00:41:40And, and, and, and where the previous thing is that people say that they see, they see
00:41:47legs, they see legs of people like floating along the ceiling and they see torsos of people floating
00:41:56along the floor because the goats are still walking on the old floor.
00:41:59we're fighting, we're fighting all the way it works, we're fighting all the way it okay.
00:42:00We're trying to wait for this, we're ref
00:42:02Damn it.
00:42:08I'm scared.
00:42:11I don't like these two!
00:42:13I don't like these two!
00:42:14I don't like these two!
00:42:19Yuck.
00:42:22Fire!
00:42:25I like to endorse Stacey's brand peanut chips.
00:42:27It's not a ban.
00:42:28When I first said it, I said it was a ban.
00:42:29I said Nine Inch Nails, but they're not a corporation.
00:42:31I like to support, I endorse Stacey's brand peanut chips.
00:42:34They're the best peanut chips I've ever eaten.
00:42:35I eat a lot of peanut chips!
00:42:37It's not a joke, I eat so many peanut chips.
00:42:39Like, Price Casco sized bags my parents always buy from me.
00:42:42Stacey's brand!
00:42:45Wait, Keith, tell us more.
00:42:46Why do you like them so much?
00:42:48What is it about them in particular that you enjoy?
00:42:51Specifically, the Price Casco ones!
00:42:54Because they're double chips!
00:42:57When you buy the regular bag, they're like not cooked enough.
00:43:00And they're only a single layer.
00:43:01When you get a Price Casco, they're darker like a golden brown.
00:43:05And they're double-sided like two chips when you only see one.
00:43:09And it's so good.
00:43:09They scoop up more hummus.
00:43:10They scoop up way more hummus.
00:43:12And they don't break when you're scooping.
00:43:14So that's why I endorse Stacey's brand peanut chips,
00:43:16specifically the Price Casco sized jumbo bag.
00:43:19Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on!
00:43:21Hold on!
00:43:22Hold on, hold on!
00:43:23I still don't get it.
00:43:24Okay, so, first of all, for me to my partner,
00:43:27Stacey's brand peanut chips is a type of peanut chips.
00:43:30Stacey's is the brand.
00:43:31So, they sell them in any supermarket.
00:43:33They sometimes even sell like fun-sized bags.
00:43:35There's like one serving.
00:43:36But normally if you go to any supermarket, you'll see a full-sized bag.
00:43:38It's like potato chips with 5% less fat.
00:43:41So, you buy the chips and they're thick.
00:43:43They're thicker than potato chips, but like no oil.
00:43:46They're baked, they're not fried, they're baked.
00:43:48So, you can buy them.
00:43:49But my mom goes to Price Casco and she gets a jumbo bag.
00:43:52It's like four, five bags.
00:43:54There's just one bag.
00:43:55And they're double-sided.
00:43:58They're like two.
00:43:58It's like they cut a pita in half,
00:44:00but even if it doesn't have like a circle of your part,
00:44:03like it's both sides.
00:44:04It's like the outside and the inside,
00:44:06whereas the smaller bags are only one side.
00:44:08So, but they're also cooked better when it's Price Casco.
00:44:11Do you eat them alone?
00:44:12I just, I endorse Stacey's brand peanut chips.
00:44:14I don't mean to have a monologue.
00:44:15That's all.
00:44:16You already had a monologue.
00:44:17You're in the middle of a monologue.
00:44:18That's all I have to say about that.
00:44:20Forrest Gump.
00:44:21What sort of thing do you like to dip them into?
00:44:23Hummus.
00:44:23Wait, why did you say Forrest Gump?
00:44:25Cause that's all I have to say about that.
00:44:28Is that a line from Forrest Gump?
00:44:30Yeah, that's the most famous line.
00:44:31Not a box of chocolate.
00:44:32One Forrest Gump is the most famous line.
00:44:34No, life is like a box of chocolates.
00:44:36You never know what you're going to get.
00:44:37Okay, let's move on.
00:44:38We have a caller.
00:44:39Can I tell you my scary story?
00:44:41Okay, Bethany, you're going to tell us your scary story.
00:44:43Can I open my eyes?
00:44:44No.
00:44:46Oh, it's not going to be that good.
00:44:48But when my mom was a kid, her dad died.
00:44:52This is why I don't like ghost stories, right?
00:44:55When my mom...
00:44:56I don't know if I like sharing this story.
00:44:58When my mom...
00:44:59You may win yourself every t-shirt you've ever made.
00:45:01I know.
00:45:02When my mom was eight years old, her dad died.
00:45:06And when she was...
00:45:07I'm trying to get right to the point.
00:45:09When she was 16, she pulled an all-nighter.
00:45:13And she went downstairs.
00:45:15And her dad was like this brilliant man.
00:45:19He like actually wrote the patent for the first oil that ever went to the moon.
00:45:22I'm sorry.
00:45:23I'm not dragging on.
00:45:24No, don't do that.
00:45:26Okay, I'm going to scare myself.
00:45:28Okay.
00:45:28So, when he...
00:45:30When she...
00:45:35When she was 16, she pulled an all-nighter and she went downstairs and she saw her dad
00:45:41sitting in his chair.
00:45:43And he was just rocking and he was just sitting in his chair just staring at her.
00:45:48And she felt like she was invading his space.
00:45:51Okay, I can't finish this story.
00:45:54Finish it.
00:45:55No.
00:45:57Finish it.
00:45:58We'll finish it for you.
00:45:59I don't want to...
00:46:00I don't want to finish the story.
00:46:02Okay.
00:46:03Okay.
00:46:04Caller, welcome to the show.
00:46:06But years and years later, I used to say...
00:46:07Oh, you are?
00:46:07Okay.
00:46:08I'm just...
00:46:08I can't finish the story, but I would say that years and years later, I used to say good
00:46:12night to my grandpa and my mom.
00:46:14And I never saw him.
00:46:16I never met him.
00:46:16Obviously, he died like 30 years before I was born.
00:46:20But I would always say good night to this shadow on my wall.
00:46:23That it was my grandpa.
00:46:24And then my mom was showing me pictures.
00:46:27And I was like, oh, there's grandpa.
00:46:29And she was like, how do you know that's your grandpa?
00:46:30And I was like, because I talk to him all the time.
00:46:32Whoa.
00:46:33Ooh.
00:46:34Spooky.
00:46:35Hello, caller.
00:46:36Welcome to the show.
00:46:38Who's this?
00:46:39Happy Halloween.
00:46:40What's that?
00:46:42Happy Halloween from Colorado.
00:46:44Happy Halloween from New York City.
00:46:48Hey, we've got a special guest here.
00:46:50We've got Liam, who's going to be the president in the next few years.
00:46:54Liam!
00:46:54Our friend Liam from Bonnaroo.
00:46:56This must be our old friend Michael from the wonderful family that put us up at Bonnaroo.
00:47:00How are you guys doing?
00:47:02We're great.
00:47:03We just got done trick-or-treating and Liam went a banana boy.
00:47:07Yes.
00:47:08He has my real sunglasses.
00:47:09This is true.
00:47:10Liam, our friend Liam in Colorado went to Halloween, went on Halloween dressed as banana boy, banana
00:47:16man's son.
00:47:17Yeah.
00:47:17Liam, how's it going?
00:47:19Thank you, friend.
00:47:20Good.
00:47:21Okay.
00:47:21It's great to hear from you again.
00:47:22It's been a long time since we met each other.
00:47:27Do you want to say how to trick-or-treating as banana boy?
00:47:31It's fine.
00:47:33I hope a girl chased me.
00:47:35A girl chased you.
00:47:36Whoa.
00:47:37Hubba hubba.
00:47:37In a good way or a bad way?
00:47:41That can go either way.
00:47:43That can be good or bad.
00:47:44Was it good or bad?
00:47:46Oh, no.
00:47:48Yeah.
00:47:48In case there was a kneecap.
00:47:50Oh, no.
00:47:52Oh, that's bad.
00:47:52No, she likes you.
00:47:53Yeah, at that age, yeah.
00:47:54She likes you.
00:47:55No, wait, yeah.
00:47:56But hold on.
00:47:56Talk to Banana Man, who you dressed up as tonight.
00:47:58Now, Liam, did you get the impression that she was, like, being mean or did she like you?
00:48:02You think she had a crush on you?
00:48:04No.
00:48:06Liam, I'm telling you, she likes you.
00:48:08You're the man.
00:48:09You're going to be president of the United States someday and she has a crush on you.
00:48:12And you should hit that.
00:48:13No.
00:48:14No.
00:48:15In a appropriate way.
00:48:16In a appropriate way.
00:48:17In a appropriate way.
00:48:17In a appropriate way.
00:48:19That could be hitting that in the mind of a seven-year-old.
00:48:22Okay, Liam, can you tell your dad I said I'm sorry that Banana Man went there?
00:48:27It's okay.
00:48:28We just wanted to say happy Halloween.
00:48:32I miss you.
00:48:33Happy Halloween to you too.
00:48:35We'll be there soon.
00:48:35You guys are the best.
00:48:36You're our favorite family in all of America and I'm so sorry that Banana Man just told your
00:48:40seven-year-old son to hit that.
00:48:41I do not regret it.
00:48:43You don't.
00:48:44Tell him to go get that.
00:48:46Go get that.
00:48:48Get that.
00:48:50Oh, Banana Man.
00:48:51You just got an invitation to go out to Colorado and trick or treat with the Hooks family next
00:48:55year.
00:48:55I'll be there.
00:48:56He'll be there.
00:48:57I'm there.
00:48:57Okay, next Halloween.
00:48:58Halloween 2013.
00:49:00Boom.
00:49:00Banana Man and Banana Boy reunite.
00:49:02Hit that.
00:49:03Hit that.
00:49:04Hit that.
00:49:05Hit that.
00:49:06Hit that.
00:49:07Hit that.
00:49:07Hit that.
00:49:08Hit that.
00:49:08Hit that.
00:49:0940-year-old Goosey is here.
00:49:11Hey.
00:49:11Now Goosey, you wear a parrot outfit every day.
00:49:14I don't know if that's your skin or if it's an outfit.
00:49:16I'm not aware.
00:49:17Well, I mean, right.
00:49:18I mean, this is how I look every day.
00:49:20That's how you look every day.
00:49:21Yeah.
00:49:21Yeah.
00:49:21Now when other people all of a sudden show up wearing costumes, how does that make you
00:49:25feel?
00:49:25Well, so I mean, I have my own costume.
00:49:27It's a little warm in here, but I wanted to go as an inmate.
00:49:31So I have some dressed in this, but you know, it's a little warm in the basement.
00:49:35Okay.
00:49:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:35But this is my costume.
00:49:37You know, when we go trick-or-treating afterwards, this is what I'm going to wear.
00:49:39Yes, we're all going trick-or-treating afterwards at midnight.
00:49:42Now Goosey, I think this is the most we've ever heard you speak.
00:49:44Really?
00:49:45Oh, well I wanted to endorse a product actually.
00:49:46Okay, yeah.
00:49:47So Avery brands have manila folders.
00:49:51A lot of off-brand manila folders that I've had to deal with over the course of my 30-year
00:49:55career.
00:49:56Or 20-year career.
00:49:58Because you've been working since you were exactly 20 years old.
00:50:00Exactly.
00:50:01You know, a lot of off-brand, like the tabs wear off, or like the pen doesn't write on
00:50:07the tabs as well.
00:50:08But you know, Avery brand, tab manila folders really hold up well.
00:50:12Yeah.
00:50:13So I really give my endorsement to them.
00:50:15Okay.
00:50:15Nice.
00:50:16For your own beauty.
00:50:17Tab that!
00:50:18Tab that!
00:50:20Tab that!
00:50:21Tab that!
00:50:22Tab that!
00:50:24Tab that!
00:50:25Tab that!
00:50:26Tab that!
00:50:26Okay, we are bothering my neighbors.
00:50:29We're going to take one more call.
00:50:31I'd like to endorse whenever I'm drinking.
00:50:33Oh, Coors Light.
00:50:34You're endorsing Coors Light.
00:50:35Listen, we're going to take one more call, then we're going to end on our second musical break.
00:50:39So Bookers, let's be ready.
00:50:40And I want to be clear, Heidi and Zayn and Kira are right back here tomorrow night.
00:50:44If you're in New York City, you better get to Littlefields because we've got four of the
00:50:47best bands these guys have ever booked appearing on the show.
00:50:50Mind Troll, Big Digits, Naked Heroes, and The Stumble Bums.
00:50:55One night, full sets.
00:50:56We're going to dance.
00:50:57I don't want to hear any bullshit about the trains aren't working.
00:51:00You'll find a way to get there.
00:51:01I'll drive you.
00:51:02Heidi will pick you up.
00:51:03Heidi will pick you up.
00:51:05Your Twitter is HeidiComesToLife?
00:51:06Yeah, with a two.
00:51:08HeidiComesToLife with the number.
00:51:09Tweet at Heidi.
00:51:11She will pick you up.
00:51:12She just promised.
00:51:13She'll pick you up.
00:51:15Great.
00:51:15Alright, and Zayn's mask.
00:51:17Zayn's mask might be the most terrifying costume in this entire world.
00:51:20It is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
00:51:23Let's make Bethany open her eyes and then look at that mask.
00:51:25Oh, yeah.
00:51:26Hold on, hold on.
00:51:26Yes, hold on.
00:51:28Hold on, Bethany.
00:51:29Turn slightly to your left.
00:51:30Slightly to your left.
00:51:32Open your eyes.
00:51:37Final caller.
00:51:38We'll see if you can top the guy whose dad got pushed through a table outside of Pittsburgh
00:51:42by a ghost.
00:51:43Caller, welcome to the show.
00:51:44Who am I speaking to?
00:51:47What's that?
00:51:49Framsky.
00:51:50No, you cannot be Framsky because that was my nickname in college and I wrote about
00:51:53it in my book.
00:51:54Uh-huh.
00:51:55Oh, wait.
00:51:56Are you the guy who posts-
00:51:57Wait, are you the guy who posts on the message board as Framsky?
00:52:02Yes, sir.
00:52:03That bugs me out, man.
00:52:04You took my nickname and registered on my message board.
00:52:08How do you use that?
00:52:09What?
00:52:10You took your name.
00:52:11I'll give you the back check.
00:52:14No, because now I sound like a dickhead.
00:52:17No, it's like, trade me then.
00:52:19Trade me your Gether name and I'll trade you.
00:52:24You only- I can only be Framsky if your name on there is Gether?
00:52:29Wait, you don't want to sound like a dickhead, is it?
00:52:31Okay.
00:52:32Deal.
00:52:34You will post as Gether on mechrisgethershow.com from now on.
00:52:38I will post as Framsky, you will post as Gether.
00:52:41Darren Miller, our web head honcho is here tonight.
00:52:44Okay, we will arrange that, deal?
00:52:45Why are you doing that?
00:52:46Because-
00:52:48I don't want to look like a dickhead.
00:52:51Everyone else is going to be confused that hasn't seen this exchange.
00:52:54Well, they'll all have to just download this episode.
00:52:57Okay, so Framsky, you have a scary story you say.
00:53:02I do.
00:53:02Okay, let's everybody-
00:53:03Or should we call him Getherd?
00:53:04Okay, Getherd.
00:53:06You're going to tell us your scary story.
00:53:07Let's everybody go silent.
00:53:08Our final scary story of the night.
00:53:10Bethany, come forward.
00:53:12The floor is yours.
00:53:14We were down outside of Limerick, if you know where that is.
00:53:17It's in central Pennsylvania.
00:53:19It's basically a shithole.
00:53:20Fuck you, Murph.
00:53:21And-
00:53:22Yeah, that's right.
00:53:23Um, so we were down there, and we're in this abandoned whiskey factory just like bumming
00:53:30around looking through crazy weird shit.
00:53:31We find all these broken bottles, you know.
00:53:33Kids have obviously been in there.
00:53:35And we hear the fucking alarm system for the nuclear power plant going off.
00:53:40So we fucking get real scared.
00:53:42You know, we run into this building.
00:53:43We don't know-
00:53:44We're thinking like this is going to be a fucking nuclear explosion.
00:53:46And we look down, and like-
00:53:48We look around the ground, crouching down to see if there's anybody outside.
00:53:52And our hand hits this wet surface on the ground.
00:53:55Stop it.
00:53:56And we use the flashlights, and we see-
00:53:58It's-it's blood.
00:53:59We're like, holy fuck, what is this?
00:54:02And we look up, and it's a fucking pentagram.
00:54:04It's a what?
00:54:05A pentagram.
00:54:06A pentagram drawn in blood on the wall of an abandoned nuclear site.
00:54:09Okay.
00:54:10Getherd, great story.
00:54:13Is that the entire story?
00:54:14Put a ghost in, Getherd.
00:54:15That's the entire story.
00:54:16Okay, Murph, let's get a review of that story.
00:54:18He did say fuck you, Murph.
00:54:20Actually, we figured out it was just a test at a nuclear power plant.
00:54:23Okay, pentagram drawn in blood on the wall of a nuclear power plant.
00:54:25Loved it.
00:54:26Murph, even though he said fuck you, Murph, you loved that story.
00:54:29I loved it even more, because he said fuck you, Murph.
00:54:31I'll give a little shout out to Central Pennsylvania.
00:54:33That was a good story.
00:54:33Shout out to Central PA.
00:54:35The reservoir dog accepts your fuck you based on the quality of your story.
00:54:39Bethany.
00:54:39Oh, that Gesset is a good storyteller.
00:54:41Oh, Riley.
00:54:43You gotta just hear your own voice when you watch another podcast.
00:54:46I love it.
00:54:47Happy Halloween.
00:54:48Oh, God.
00:54:49Thank you, Jason.
00:54:50Now, Bethany.
00:54:51Yes.
00:54:51I think the previous leader, Todd from outside of Pittsburgh, has Getherd beat him.
00:54:59Getherd has not beat him.
00:55:00Todd from PA, you have won yourself a t-shirt with your scary story about a ghost pushing
00:55:04your father through a table.
00:55:06Congratulations.
00:55:07Bethany, you can open your eyes.
00:55:08Ghosts.
00:55:09Also, you don't need to talk to ghosts.
00:55:11You don't need to talk to ghosts.
00:55:13You've been for years.
00:55:14You said to talk to your ghost girl.
00:55:17Don't like it.
00:55:18You said it for years.
00:55:19Okay.
00:55:19Well, I, that's, this is a weird ending.
00:55:21I don't know what's, I have one, I have a quick one.
00:55:23Hot Dog Parrish.
00:55:24I have a quick one.
00:55:25Nipples out.
00:55:26I'm sorry.
00:55:27It's in the spirit of Allie's, uh, college story.
00:55:30This summer.
00:55:32Keep your eyes open or closed.
00:55:34Hot Dog Parrish has the floor.
00:55:36And this episode strong, Hot Dog.
00:55:37This summer.
00:55:39I went to Yale to teach some, to teach some film kids.
00:55:43I stayed at a dorm that people said, oh that dorm, oh that's haunted as shit.
00:55:46They didn't tell me after.
00:55:48Until after this happened.
00:55:50I checked in, it was late at night.
00:55:52I checked in, it was late at night.
00:55:54And they said, here's the one key to this one room.
00:55:56You have it all to yourself.
00:55:57I go in, it's like a big ski lodge.
00:55:59Thirteen kids would normally be behind this one little door, right?
00:56:02So there are all these alcoves.
00:56:03It's a big open place.
00:56:05I have it all to myself.
00:56:06I have the only key.
00:56:07This is fucking sexy.
00:56:07I lock it up.
00:56:09I have to get up really early to teach these damn kids, alright?
00:56:12I have to get up at six.
00:56:13So I'm setting my alarm for about 540.
00:56:17Alright?
00:56:18And so what happens is, as I go to bed, the toilet flushes up or down.
00:56:22Up if you pee, down if you poo.
00:56:24I try to conserve more water.
00:56:27But the problem is, is that you have to always flush it down, because it never puts enough
00:56:30water for when you pee.
00:56:31The problem is, is I was like, you know, it's a little hot in here, so I'm going to
00:56:34sleep with no clothes on.
00:56:36Who did you find?
00:56:39I was by myself.
00:56:40And so I wake up, around 4, you know, 4 in the morning.
00:56:44And I'm the only one in here, and I hear the toilet flush.
00:56:47Uh-oh.
00:56:48I'm the only one in here.
00:56:48This is not an automatic toilet.
00:56:50You have to flush it up or down by hand.
00:56:51And the toilet flushes.
00:56:52This is not through the wall.
00:56:53This is through the door, because the door is open.
00:56:57And the toilet flushes.
00:56:58And I think, maybe I should go check on this.
00:57:02And I don't know.
00:57:03And the toilet flushes.
00:57:04And so I wake up the next day, and say, that was really good.
00:57:09And the more I think about it, I go back to New York that night, and I can't sleep thinking
00:57:14about it.
00:57:15So the next day, my friend comes back, and says, yeah, that was a really haunted place.
00:57:19A month later, another friend comes, stays there, and says, yeah, we heard that was
00:57:23haunted.
00:57:23But then I said, so did you hear?
00:57:25I told them the whole story.
00:57:25And they said, oh, yeah, you know, someone was squatting in there for weeks.
00:57:28So there was a squatter.
00:57:30And so the scary part, and the moral of the story is, that some dirty squatter probably
00:57:35saw my dick.
00:57:38Okay.
00:57:38Ladies and gentlemen, that is our episode of the show.
00:57:40Thank you all so much.
00:57:43If you want to go to New York, we will see you tomorrow night at Littlefields down in
00:57:46Guanis.
00:57:47In the meantime, oh, also next week our election coverage is noon to midnight.
00:57:51We will be covering the entire presidential election.
00:57:53That is not a joke.
00:57:54Let's go ahead.
00:57:55Our music bookers, our curators, they're going to take us out on another dance party,
00:57:59Banana man, where are we going after this?
00:58:01What?
00:58:02Where are we going?
00:58:03The cove or the woods?
00:58:04The woods!
00:58:05The woods!
00:58:06The woods!
00:58:07The woods!
00:58:08We're gonna dance!
00:58:09Not the scary woods!
00:58:11No!
00:58:11The woods and wood is better!
00:58:12Come dance with us!
00:58:13With justice divine!
00:58:18We're the people who die! Die!
00:58:25We're the people who die! Die!
00:58:27We're the people who die! Die!
00:58:30We're the people who die! Die!
00:58:32It's all my best!
00:58:34It's just pretty fun here!
00:58:38We're in Chris Gethard's apartment.
00:58:45Yeah, I hope...
00:58:46I hope you guys have a good night.
00:58:48Yay!
00:58:52Not trying to scare anybody, just being myself.
00:59:26Just...
00:59:28So one time I was at the dorm at Yale.
00:59:34They said it was haunted to ship, but I didn't believe them.
00:59:37And so I had the only key to the dorm, and it was like a big ski lodge.
00:59:41I was going to teach some foam kicks.
00:59:44And the toilet flushed up if you had to pee, and I don't know if you had to poop.
00:59:48Because they put more water through them, and they were at Yale.
00:59:52And they had designed the toilets like that.
00:59:54And so I was in there by myself, sleeping naked, because it was so warm.
00:59:58It was during the summer.
01:00:03And it was about 5 in the morning. I had to get up at about 6.
01:00:06It was an early morning.
01:00:11And I heard the toilet flushed. The door was open.
01:00:15The door was open.
01:00:17And I had no clothes on, and I didn't think about it.
01:00:19I said, I've got to get up, and I've got to go and get snacks at the dorm.
01:00:22And I don't have time to get up and investigate this.
01:00:25I should have gotten up to investigate it.
01:00:27And so the next morning, no one was there.
01:00:29And about a month later, I thought, you know, I couldn't sleep.
01:00:32I was still thinking about this thing.
01:00:34And someone said, you know, I've heard that dorm is haunted.
01:00:37But the other person who had worked at the film program prior to that said,
01:00:40you know, people were just squatting in there the whole time.
01:00:42So I think probably people were coming in when you were naked in bed.
01:00:45And so the moral, J.D., of the story is that I just think a fucking squatter saw my dick.
01:00:56I appreciate the attention.
01:00:57It makes me feel pretty good.
01:01:01Everyone just have a terrific, terrific, terrific week.
01:01:06We'll see, you know, I'm rarely here.
01:01:08I probably won't.
01:01:08But you guys will see everyone else here next week.
01:01:11Like, 40-year-old Goosey and all the other crazy costumes will be here.
01:01:15Mimi with her hoops and, you know, Gethard criticizing everybody.
01:01:19That's going to happen.
01:01:21It's going to be good.
01:01:22It's going to be a good time.
01:01:23It's a good show.
01:01:24It's a successful show is what we have right here.
01:01:28So, yeah.
01:01:30Should be good.
01:01:33People are going to the woods.
01:01:36LLC is going to play us out.
01:01:39I'm sort of being left hanging.
01:01:41Hey, Bethany.
01:01:42Hey.
01:01:43Ah, sweet.
01:01:51So, um, you know, I'm dressed right now as a, um, short order cook.
01:01:59I just happen to have this costume, so I put it on.
01:02:03Hi, Kate.
01:02:05What's going?
01:02:06Hey, J.D.
01:02:07Doing well.
01:02:07Hi, Corey.
01:02:09Hello, Chris Gethard.
01:02:10Hey, Will.
01:02:11Hey.
01:02:12Hey.
01:02:14Have a little trip over to the, to the place.
01:02:17See you.
01:02:18See you, Goosey.
01:02:19Yep.
01:02:20Merc.
01:02:21Good samurai.
01:02:22Good samurai haircut.
01:02:23Thanks.
01:02:26This show really happened, huh?
01:02:28This show always happens.
01:02:37Good-bye.
01:02:38Good-bye.
01:02:40Good to see you guys.
01:02:41Come back.
01:02:42The human fish loves cock.
01:02:44The human fish loves cock.
01:02:49The human fish loves cock.
01:02:52The human fish loves cock.
01:02:56The human fish loves cock.
01:02:59The human fish loves cock.
01:03:01The human fish loves cock.
01:03:03The human fish loves cock.
01:03:04The human fish loves cock.
01:03:04The human fish loves cock.
01:03:06The human fish loves cock.
01:03:07The human fish loves cock.