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00:22I know he's 37 years old right now, I know he's old enough to be president.
00:26Eric, can we open the house?
00:30We're gonna do this. This is happening, okay?
00:33Ratliff 2012, okay?
00:36We're going to the White House.
00:38Ladies and gentlemen, your next president and my, Mr. Connor Ratliff!
00:55That was awesome. Well played.
00:58I did a video shoot once and they would do the clap off-screen.
01:01And I was like, oh, I don't think you know what the clap's for.
01:03I don't think you're familiar with what you're doing.
01:05Right, I don't know what you're doing.
01:06It's also for syncing up sound, so it can't be off if it's off-screen.
01:11What would I do?
01:13If it's syncing up sound, you can see just the sound.
01:17Michael, can you talk to the video?
01:19To the sound off video.
01:21Feel free, you might have...
01:23Alright, alright, I'll give him that.
01:25Alright, Noah, do you want to go ahead and start the meeting?
01:28Sure.
01:30I'm going to pass out some polling data, okay?
01:33I'm going to just kind of take a look at it.
01:36Let me know what you see, what you don't see.
01:40I had worked for him before I organized a focus group,
01:44but he fired me because the focus group showed that he had 0% chance of winning.
01:49But then he hired me again out of fear
01:52that I would go work for one of the other campaigns and share knowledge.
01:55Alright, Rasmussen tracking is showing Obama
01:5946, Romney 46.
02:01Right.
02:01I'm sure there's a tie.
02:03Yeah, but that's not 100.
02:05There's 8% that are gone, right?
02:07That's right.
02:08That's me, right?
02:09We factor that in and that's me?
02:11Could that have been you and it just didn't end up on the chart?
02:14Possibly.
02:14That's a great point.
02:16See, because I'm inclined to believe that it is just an honest oversight.
02:19Yeah.
02:20So we're polling at 8%.
02:22Well, I also want to just put out there that there are other candidates running too
02:28that could fit into that 8% that are unaccounted for.
02:31Can we have a poll that's just looking at that 8%?
02:34Yeah, can we have that?
02:35Do we have a contact there?
02:38At where?
02:39Rasmussen.
02:40Uh, I can...
02:42I'm...
02:42It's not really your area.
02:43It's...
02:43Yeah.
02:44Rasmussen's not pressed.
02:45That's generally the...
02:47You need to get with Rasmussen.
02:48Well, I've been conducting my own polls and every single person I ask who isn't already
02:53working for you has never heard of you or that you're a candidate.
02:56At Rasmussen?
02:57Do you know anyone at Rasmussen that you could get me into, like...
03:00I don't know...
03:01What are you picturing happening?
03:02I call Rasmussen...
03:03Like, polling people.
03:03Like, you're in the polling industry.
03:04Like, you have friends.
03:05You're not having friends in the industry.
03:06Just tell me what you're imagining.
03:07I call Rasmussen and then what happens?
03:08Like, get that 8% listed.
03:10My 8%...
03:11It's 46 Obama, 46 Romney.
03:13It's 8% from me and I'm not listed.
03:15I feel like...
03:16We're undetermined.
03:16You can't build from that 8% if I'm not even going to be listed on the ground.
03:21If you had all 8%, they would list you.
03:23They used to list Perot when he was running against Clinton and Bush won.
03:27When he had under 5%.
03:29Alright, so we're living in the 90's is what you're saying.
03:32Don't you think things are different?
03:33There wasn't even internet back then.
03:35Things have changed.
03:36You need to talk, make some friends in your business.
03:39Network, schmooze.
03:40You need to, like...
03:41I'll call Rasmussen, but I don't...
03:42Do we need to hold a thing where we get all these, like, Gallup and Rasmussen
03:45and all these pollsters and we'll have, like, a party?
03:48The other polls have failed to mention Connor.
03:52Um, Connor gets very upset about that and blames me.
03:56I'm not sure that's my responsibility, but I'm sympathetic that it's frustrating.
04:00They're just...
04:01They're just...
04:01They're not very promising.
04:03You're not coming up with good numbers.
04:04That's not...
04:05I shouldn't be measured on what...
04:07Are you saying the numbers are good?
04:08They're not good.
04:08Alright, and who is that on?
04:10That's on you.
04:11It's on you for not running a good enough campaign.
04:13I'm just finding out...
04:14I'm not the one who runs the poll numbers.
04:16Yeah.
04:16And I am sick and tired of being the one getting blamed for my low poll numbers
04:20when I'm not the pollster.
04:21The poll numbers are not promising, but that's not on the person conducting the poll.
04:25Can I make an analogy?
04:27Alright, if you go to a bakery and you eat a cake made by the bakery
04:31and then the cake tastes like garbage, you blame the baker.
04:36You don't blame the cake.
04:37No.
04:38You're not.
04:38And in this case, you are the pollster, a.k.a. the baker.
04:42That's a bad analogy.
04:43You're like blaming the weatherman because it rains.
04:45Of course!
04:46I do blame the weatherman if it rains.
04:50Am I optimistic about the campaign?
04:53I am optimistic that we are doing a campaign right now.
04:57We are completely...
04:58We have a staff.
05:00We have a speech writer, a publicist.
05:03We have a pollster.
05:04We have a rapid response guy.
05:06We have a scheduling person.
05:08We have a candidate.
05:09So I'm very optimistic that we are running a campaign right now.
05:13Things could change, but for the time being, I think we definitely have that going on.
05:19I may be just a kid, but I'm wide about one thing.
05:23Meet Thornton's Wide Sale.
05:24The Wide Sale continues with 7.9% APR financing on selected models no matter what color.
05:317.9% on Fieros, Sunbirds, Bonnevilles, and the Grand Prix.
05:347.9% on 4-cylinder Pontiac 6,000.
05:38And half-ton two-wheel or four-wheel drive GMC pickups.
05:42I'm wide about one thing.
05:44Lee Thornton Pontiac Honda GMC is the right place to buy your new car.
05:50So, Connor, you're running for president.
05:52I'm here to formally announce my intention to run for the office of the President of the United States.
05:59Wow.
06:00Woo!
06:01Woo!
06:02That was awesome.
06:04God's got something to say.
06:07God's got something to say.
06:11Connor's got something to say.
06:13Connor's got something to say.
06:14Connor's got something to say.
06:15Connor's running for president.
06:17Hooray!
06:18Um, I guess I'll say this about Connor.
06:20He's really run a clean campaign, and I was the first television personality to endorse
06:25him on my unsuccessful public access TV show.
06:29I was later joined by one former cast member and survivor who also adores Conor.
06:34You know who I want in the driver's seat?
06:36Conor Ratliff.
06:37That's who I'm voting for president.
06:38And you know why?
06:39Because he's 35.
06:45Thank you, Boston.
06:47It's great to be here.
06:48My name is Conor Ratliff.
06:49I am running for president of the United States of America.
06:52Now, I'm wondering if anyone can tell me how old the Constitution says you have to be in
06:57order to be president of the United States.
06:59I am 35 years old in the history of this country.
07:04The Founding Fathers.
07:05They put that number in there for a reason.
07:0735.
07:0935 years old.
07:10And what have we done as a country over and over again?
07:15We have elected president after president after president in their 50s, in their 60s, in their
07:2670s, already in this political season.
07:28In this political season, we have seen Michelle Bachman, age 55, drummed out of the race because
07:33of her advanced age.
07:36Herman Cain, age 66.
07:39Gotta go, buddy.
07:40That's too old.
07:41You're not even close to 35.
07:43I'll give a button if anyone can tell me how old Boston is.
07:46Now, I'm going to lay some shocking statistics on you.
07:48That's 381 years.
07:50That's a lot of years, right?
07:52That is only five Mitt Romneys.
07:57That is only seven Barack Obamas.
08:01It is ten Conor Atlas.
08:10There's a number in the Constitution, and the number is 35.
08:14I'm 35 years old.
08:16If you care at all about what the Founding Fathers wanted, you'll vote for someone who's
08:2035.
08:21They didn't write about 36-year-old people, or 37-year-old people, or 50-year-old people.
08:26They wrote about people who are 35.
08:27I'm 35.
08:28I should be the president.
08:30So let's move on to item two here.
08:32This is 8-27-2012.
08:36We all know what this day is.
08:38This is Conor's birthday.
08:40He will be turning 37 years old.
08:45I'll say we dealt with 36.
08:48I think we did a great job with that.
08:54When I began my campaign for the presidency, I made a statement that at the time was entirely
08:59truthful.
09:01I am 35 years old.
09:0335!
09:04That's how old I am!
09:0535!
09:09I think the moment that I knew that I had made the right choice by joining this campaign
09:15was when Conor first dealt with turning 36.
09:20Several days ago, I experienced a birthday.
09:23I am now 36 years old.
09:25Which was unanticipated for his campaign.
09:28Or, well, it was anticipated, but it was, for the people following his campaign, a step
09:33removed from what they had expected.
09:35Many of you are disappointed by this.
09:37But I ask you, what is the difference between 35 and 36?
09:42The difference is one.
09:44As in, hey, who won the presidency?
09:46Conor Ratliff did.
09:47And he's only 37.
09:48And I felt like that the issue of 36 had been dealt with, with honesty, and with directness,
09:57but in a way that also harkened back to all of the fundamental principles of this campaign.
10:02This campaign was never about who is or who isn't 35 years old.
10:06It's about me, and how I'm old enough to be president.
10:10I don't know if this is something that I need to get out in front of, like when Obama
10:14had the Jeremiah Wright speech.
10:16Right.
10:16I mean, ideally, I would like to...
10:18I think this is what that is for you.
10:20Yeah, I mean, I would really like to...
10:21He got a lot of, like, good buzz after that, where people were like, what a great speech.
10:24So I'd really like to knock it out of the park so that...
10:27Just, like, turn a liability into an asset.
10:30Right.
10:30I began this campaign as a 35-year-old.
10:34I built my campaign on the promise that I was old enough to be president.
10:42Last year, I turned 36.
10:46Today, I am continuing that trend.
10:48Today, I am 37 years old.
10:52I believe the wisdom of our founding fathers, that they knew when they picked 35 as the ideal
11:00age to begin a presidential bid.
11:04They knew, they knew, they knew, that most 35-year-olds turned 37 after serving a one-year term as
11:15a 36-year-old.
11:17George Washington knew.
11:20Thomas Jefferson also knew.
11:23James Madison.
11:25He knew.
11:28Favorite former president.
11:30Oh, um, Franklin Pierce.
11:32He got hit with an egg and he was friends with a thing and a hawk on it.
11:35What's your stance on abortion?
11:37Don't do it, but you can't.
11:41On the good side, I'm looking at the names of the other candidates besides Romney and Obama.
11:46I'm going to list some of them here.
11:48And I think you're just as famous as any of these people.
11:51Stuart Alexander, Gary Johnson, Catherine Lane.
11:53Has anybody heard of them?
11:54No.
11:55Andy Martin.
11:56No.
11:56No.
11:56Jimmy McMillan, we, you've already faced off against him.
11:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:01Well, Tom, he beat you.
12:02He did win, but that's something to worry about.
12:04Rent is too damn high.
12:11I would agree that in general the rent is far too high.
12:15You are my child.
12:16You're a younger man.
12:17I'm your dad.
12:17Every time you wipe your backside with Charmin toilet paper, it is controlled by the United
12:22States government.
12:23You're going out here, poo-poo in a bucket, poo-poo in a cup, McDonald's cup.
12:26They have those large cups that are fitted.
12:27You can't afford toilet paper.
12:29You're going to have to resort to the corn cob like I used to use when I was a little
12:32kid.
12:32There are going to be toilets.
12:33There are going to be toilets in America.
12:35Mr. Ratliff, Mr. McMillan.
12:36I don't ask you what you have.
12:38Drop your pants.
12:39Did you shave?
12:40We could easily set up round two.
12:41If we can be honest, he's running a joke campaign.
12:43Yeah.
12:44His campaign is mostly humor.
12:46It's a comedy routine.
12:47So Tom Miller, Ron Paul, of course, is a...
12:50A lot of these candidates have last names that are first names, which is a no deal.
13:00One more positive factor.
13:02We can look at the people who have officially withdrawn and therefore you have outlasted.
13:06Michelle Bachman, Herman Cain, Roger Gary, Newt Gingrich, RJ Harris, John Huntsman, Fred
13:11Carger, Tad McCotter, Tim Pawlenty, Rick Perry, Carl Person, Buddy Romner, Rick Centorum, R. Lee
13:17Wrights, those guys.
13:25Getting into the debates.
13:26Oh, getting into the debates.
13:26I need to get into the debates.
13:28Ryan, that's on you.
13:29That is our number one priority as far as the debates are concerned, is either getting into
13:33them or finding out a way that I can simulcast my debate while their debate is happening.
13:38I feel like the second option is more viable at this point.
13:41Okay, but let's prioritize the first option.
13:43I have, but the problem is, one, your vice presidential candidate is not available for
13:50debates.
13:51He's in Venice, California.
13:52I'm going to stop that right now.
13:55Let's not talk about Larry Hankin.
13:57He's not here at the moment, so...
13:58Okay.
13:59He doesn't want to talk about him.
14:03I love Larry Hankin.
14:04I love him, too.
14:05He's great.
14:06Really great guy.
14:07I think he's a great vice president.
14:08Me, too.
14:09I think that was one of the biggest coups of your campaign.
14:12I am offering the vice presidential flag to any one of the six friends who gets back
14:17to me first.
14:17Friend Ross, friend Rachel, friend Phoebe, friend Chandler, friend Monica, or friend Joey.
14:22Whoever gets back to me first.
14:23What if Gunther wants to be your vice president?
14:25We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
14:27Right now, the offer is out there to any of the six friends.
14:29Four of them are on Twitter.
14:31I spent all of yesterday promoting Cougar Town on Twitter.
14:37Trying to tweet at Courtney Cox to get her to be my vice president.
14:41She hasn't responded at all.
14:43I've tweeted so many times, I haven't even gotten a retweet.
14:49Honestly, I did so many Cougar Town tweets yesterday.
14:52It was exhausting.
14:54And I thought at least, like, I wasn't even, I stopped even trying to ask her to be my vice
14:58president, but I'm just tweeting about Cougar Town.
15:02I'm just promoting fucking Cougar Town.
15:06And she's not even retweeting, retweeting it.
15:09It's just like, this is your show.
15:11I didn't even watch Cougar Town.
15:13And she's, it's just so hard.
15:17It's just so hard running for president.
15:19And nobody knows how hard it is.
15:34Just over a year ago, Osama bin Laden was killed.
15:40Tonight, I am going to announce which person from the TV show Friends has agreed to be my
15:46vice presidential running mates.
15:48Connor, this is Larry Hanker about that VEAP thing.
15:52Yeah, sure.
15:54Talk to you later.
15:59I will put a friend in the White House.
16:02We will be there for you, and you will be there for us, too.
16:06We will never be on a break from helping the American people.
16:13All right, Connor Rabbit.
16:15Congratulations.
16:16I think he's amazing.
16:17That's why I want the public to see him.
16:19Well, unless they're going to hold the debates in California, then it's a non-issue.
16:22Do they hold debates in California?
16:24I don't know.
16:25I'm not in charge of debates.
16:26We should find that out.
16:27Who's in charge of debates?
16:28We don't have, we don't have that.
16:30It might fall under, that might be my responsibility.
16:33All right, step up.
16:35Running for president?
16:37Running for president of the United States of America?
16:38They had the window open, so they heard that.
16:40That was great.
16:49That was great.
17:15You should be responsible with that.
17:17Throw that in the trash.
17:18That up there.
17:24Check out this thing, right?
17:26That's me.
17:30That's me.
17:32Pretty cool.
17:34Pretty cool stuff.
17:46I think that was illegal.
17:48That was, that was vandalism.
17:50No, that was a bulletin board.
17:51You put it on the side.
17:53That, that was...
17:53It's all a bulletin board structure.
17:55If you take out the sticker, you might bust out the paint.
17:58You might rip the paint off.
17:59No, that's a quality sticker.
18:00That's tax payer's dollars.
18:02That's a quality sticker.
18:02I don't pay to live in this town.
18:05Don't use that.
18:06You'd be president of the entire United States.
18:08Yeah.
18:09If, when, right?
18:10Not yet.
18:14Not yet.
18:28I've been walking around here just campaigning, getting good responses.
18:32More good responses than getting thumbs up from drivers.
18:35Pull this up.
18:36Give it a thumbs up.
18:38Hey, I got a thumbs up from the Pizza Guy.
18:40It's a national chain, very popular.
18:43Transfer that, some of that Pizza popularity to me, and you gotta, you got yourself a horse
18:47race.
18:48So, just regarding these numbers here, um, I'm not to sort of, uh, come down on anyone
18:54too hard here, but, um, first off, A, someone isn't doing their job.
18:59Well, I haven't done anything yet.
19:00Okay.
19:01So that might be...
19:01Well, do other people feel that way?
19:03Pulling's not your concern.
19:05You're not...
19:05But, I mean, I've done...
19:06Yeah.
19:06I've come to a few meetings, but I haven't really done anything towards the campaign.
19:09I think...
19:10What is your job?
19:11I'm rapid response.
19:12What does that mean?
19:13If somebody attacks...
19:15There's an attack ad, or a speech, someone mentions Connor, I'll put together how we're
19:20going to deal with that as fast as possible.
19:21Really, like, jump out of bed and write a commercial?
19:23Yeah.
19:24I mean, if it happens.
19:26I was working at a Starbucks, and Connor spilled a little coffee, and I came and wiped
19:30it up, and he said, you did that fast, and he offered me a job in his campaign, and,
19:35uh, I was excited to do it, so I quit my job at Starbucks, and I started here immediately.
19:40Well, I had to give two weeks' notice, so I started two weeks after quitting Starbucks.
19:45And so far, nobody has attacked him, which is good.
19:48That bird attacked him.
19:49The bird attacked him.
19:58That was our ad.
20:00But we could have used you.
20:01All right, so I didn't do my job.
20:03I don't know, I still have, we should do something with that, I guess.
20:05I should put together something.
20:06I'll do that sometime later this week.
20:08So my job is to respond as quickly as possible.
20:12Some, for me, often that, I, I should be responding within minutes, but I feel like if
20:17you get within the week, uh, that's good enough.
20:19Uh, because people don't want to hear a response right away.
20:23They, they've heard the news, they move on to something else, so I try to get back, you
20:27know, a couple days later.
20:28If it's a weekend, I try to wait till Monday, because weekends are just a bad time to respond
20:32to things.
20:33People are, you know, relaxing.
20:35So, you know, depending on my schedule.
20:37Uh, so, how quickly?
20:40Quick enough.
20:42This is your chance to make history.
20:44This could be the day that South by Southwest launches the next president of the United States,
20:52me, Connor Ratliff.
20:53Please follow me on Twitter, 35Ratliff2012.
20:56I want all of you to promise you'll follow me on Twitter.
20:59I don't have a lot of Twitter followers yet.
21:01Now, Connor.
21:02Yes.
21:02I feel like a lot of our crowd right now might feel like your current message
21:06is manic, undefined, vague, and desperate.
21:12Trust me, this is your one shot.
21:13Four years from now, there's going to be, this place will be crawling with presidential
21:17candidates and wannabes.
21:19But it'll be too late.
21:19You can say, no, it doesn't work anymore.
21:21It's a one-time thing.
21:22We did that in 2012.
21:24Connor Ratliff came here.
21:25We all supported him.
21:26We voted for him.
21:27He's president now.
21:28He only served one term.
21:29If you're an Obama supporter and you want him elected again, you can run in 2016.
21:33Four years will be a nice break, right?
21:35Right?
21:35That's not how America works.
21:38Oh, is South by Southwest about the way America works, or is it about the future of innovation?
21:43Connor, are you willing to take questions directly from the voters?
21:46Absolutely.
21:46So I'll go ahead.
21:47Does anyone have questions?
21:48I'll come out right to you.
21:49Anyone have a question for an actual presidential candidate?
21:51Yes.
21:53Connor, the last major party presidential candidate with facial hair was Thomas Dewey in 1948.
22:00How do you handle the facial hair bias existing in today's presidential politics?
22:06I'm going to crush it.
22:08That was a great question.
22:09If you want to think of it this way, you can think of 2012 as Dewey's revenge.
22:13We're going to finally make that newspaper headline, Dewey defeats Truman.
22:16Come true, man.
22:17You are running against Harry Truman?
22:20Sure, yeah.
22:20He blew up half of Japan.
22:22Come on.
22:23Dropped two nuclear bombs on Japan.
22:26So you're saying you are against Harry Truman taking actions to end the five-year war we
22:30had been embroiled in?
22:30I'm just saying, it's enough time now that most people are not in favor of dropping nuclear
22:34bombs on Japan.
22:35His positions might have been fine for 1945, but they are way out of line now.
22:41Okay.
22:42Okay.
22:42In order to become president, are you willing to wrestle the human fish covered in Crisco
22:46right now?
22:48Yeah.
22:49Not in my suit, but I'll do it.
22:51Really?
22:52You will?
22:52Yeah, I'll do it.
22:53I'll do it.
22:54But you don't have any other clothes besides the suit.
22:57I've got a surprise for everyone.
22:59He's wearing his own campaign underwear.
23:03Connor, do you wear your own presidential underwear every time you make a presidential
23:08thing?
23:09There is no point in denying it.
23:11I do.
23:12CafePress.com front slash 35 Ratliff 2012.
23:17Shoulders up.
23:18Shoulders up.
23:19Shoulders up.
23:21Somewhere in the world there is a fetish for this and someone would jerk off to what we're
23:26walking down.
23:27Connor Rillard is giving you a presidential hand thing.
23:29So that is...
23:30One, two, one, two, one.
23:34My name is Connor Rillard and I'm 36 years old.
23:38That's old enough to be president.
23:51That's old enough to be president.
24:22We are going to win this.
24:23The American people are more than ready for a 35 or slightly older than 35 year old president.
24:32Item number seven.
24:34Why is the New York Times ignoring me?
24:36Play again.
24:37I've been in this race for 12 months.
24:40I've had one mention in the New York Times.
24:45Do we know how many times Obama and Romney have been mentioned?
24:49I've seen 365 times.
24:52Yeah, it's more.
24:53I mean, if you count like any mention in a given day as one mention.
24:58I have pitched profile pieces and I have gotten back the same response.
25:04I'm not entirely sure who this is.
25:06This is an election year.
25:07We have a lot of news to cover and I'm just not getting much traction.
25:11Okay.
25:11What I would suggest, and I know you're working hard and I don't want to come down on you for
25:15this,
25:15but you need to get more aggressive with the emails.
25:18I would suggest something...
25:19You say that and I disagree with you.
25:21I don't think it's in the frequency of the pitch.
25:23It's in how you write your pitch.
25:25You should be doing email blasts every hour on the hour.
25:27Emailing media, New York Times, Nate Silver, Fox News, email Neil Cavuto, email...
25:33That would be destructive to my relationships with those people.
25:36Dear New York Times, why don't you do your job and write an article about one of the people who's
25:41going to be president?
25:41It's extremely aggressive.
25:42I want to know, if you were aware of my campaign prior to tonight,
25:46if you were aware that I was running for president,
25:48I want you to repeat after me,
25:49I will vote for you for president.
25:52I will vote for you for president!
25:56If you were just learning of my candidacy for the first time this evening,
26:00I want you to repeat after me,
26:01I will also vote for you for president.
26:04I will also vote for you for president!
26:07If we can replicate those numbers nationwide,
26:10I will have a picture of you.
26:26I will be able to vote for you for president.
26:36you will also vote in the election.
26:41Good morning, I am Orlando Lier.
26:44I am the director of the Homosexual Teren
26:47for the Contra Gunner Ratliff campaign.
26:50Conner and I met him at a restaurant, he saw me and said, he speaks a little bit of English
26:56and I talked to him, but he was a crazy kid there. He is a positive type, but I don't
27:02think he'll win. He doesn't have any ideas. He told me, you're a Colombian, so we're
27:08going to associate you with Modern Families of Fear and Gata. That's why he has me here,
27:12really.
27:14If you cannot play with balloons in the meetings, it's not...
27:19Sometimes it's good to have an activity you're doing while you're thinking.
27:23Alright, so while we're playing with the balloons here, let's move on to the next item, which
27:27is Twitter.
27:28I need more Twitter followers, alright? I had a big...
27:31What are you at?
27:31I'm at like 5.45, something like that. I get almost no follow Fridays. I need a lot more
27:35follow Fridays.
27:37Who here's on Twitter?
27:38I'm on Twitter.
27:39You're on Twitter, you're on Twitter, you're on Twitter, you're on Twitter, you're on Twitter.
27:41Everyone's on Twitter.
27:42I need you guys retweeting everything I tweet. I need you retweeting everything I tweet.
27:46Okay?
27:48I need you favoriting and retweeting everything that I tweet.
27:52Come on guys, do we want to work in the White House? Do we want to work in the West
27:56Wing
27:56and all live in the White House?
27:57I think we do.
27:58I have a lot of followers that wouldn't appreciate me retweeting all your tweets.
28:03Yeah.
28:04I promise to follow him to the love of you on Twitter.
28:10On Twitter.
28:12Would I say I'm a political person?
28:16I'm currently working in politics and there are issues that I think affect everyone's
28:22lives, such as health, jobs, which all comes back to 35.
28:40My plan is, when I get elected, normally the campaign splits up where people get jobs,
28:45they get apartments or whatever, but I'm going to have everyone live in the White House,
28:48the whole campaign there.
28:48Yeah.
28:49There's got to be tons of rooms that aren't being used or being used for storage or whatever.
28:53I'm just going to clear those out and we'll all live there.
28:54It'll be super fun.
28:55See, I didn't know that.
28:55I didn't know I was going to be there.
28:56You're going to get your own room, man.
28:57I should be clearer about that, but I kind of want it to be a fun surprise.
29:00Like, we're all going to live in the White House together.
29:02You're going to get a cool room.
29:03Sounds really fun.
29:04We should get bunk beds.
29:05Do you want to do that?
29:06Yeah.
29:06I'd live in a room with you.
29:08I get top bunk.
29:10No.
29:10Maybe I want, no.
29:11I might want a top bunk, but to have the lower bunk be like, not a bed, but an office.
29:14Or like a futon.
29:15You ever seen those?
29:16Yeah, you can have a futon.
29:16Top bunk is a bed, bottom bunk is a futon.
29:19Yeah, I'll get you a bedinge from Ikea.
29:21Do you want a bedinge?
29:22We should go in Ikea.
29:22It's like a super comfy futon.
29:24Well, go.
29:24Let's go on the Ikea bus.
29:25Yeah.
29:25Let's go on the Ikea bus, and the cool thing we can do is there's, you get that free bus,
29:31but there's a giant Toys R Us.
29:33We can like hop off the bus and go into the Toys R Us, and it's like the Ikea bus
29:37paid
29:37for our Toys R Us trip.
29:38We can go into Ikea for real, get meatballs.
29:40This is fun.
29:40I feel like you and I don't get to talk enough.
29:42No, we've actually, since you sent me that email asking me to be the campaign manager,
29:46we haven't talked that much.
29:50Do you think Kevin likes me?
29:52Kevin Hines?
29:53Yeah.
29:54I feel like he doesn't like me.
29:55Yeah, I don't think he likes you.
29:56I don't know what I do.
29:57It doesn't matter.
29:58Fuck him, man.
29:58I like you.
30:00I just want everyone to like me.
30:02I like you a lot.
30:04I'd give anything to do a Freaky Friday on you.
30:07I'm sorry?
30:07I would give anything to do a Freaky Friday on you, like we're like Father Like Son
30:11or an 18 again, or vice versa, or big, just like switch bodies.
30:15I haven't seen any of those movies.
30:15Some of those just switch bodies and some of those are just like a kid becomes an adult
30:18or vice versa.
30:20But I would love it if we could do that.
30:22And I could just be at 27 and you would just be stuck in this and you'd have to live
30:26like
30:26that.
30:26And then I'd just live a life in your body and just go around and be young again.
30:30I would love that so much.
30:31If you want to do that, I'm okay with that.
30:32I mean, it's not scientifically plausible.
30:33I mean, I feel like my hope is that by the time I reach the end of my life, like
30:39by the
30:39time I'm like in my nineties or in my hundreds or whatever, that the technology will be there,
30:44that I can find a young person, switch bodies with them, and then they'll die in my old body
30:47and I'll get to live out another full life.
30:49And if I can ride that out forever, if I can just, once the technology is there, then
30:52it's just going to be the hunt is on.
30:54Like old people will just harvest young people, switch bodies with them, and then those new
30:58young souls will get transported into old bodies.
31:00And that'll be the way you'll just like live forever.
31:03We should get back in the meeting.
31:04Yeah.
31:05Oh, one more thing.
31:06Yeah.
31:06The balloons.
31:07The balloons are a sign of victory.
31:08I have to have balloons with me wherever I go.
31:10They're a symbol of winning.
31:12No one is losing if they're around a bunch of balloons.
31:14If people see me around balloons, the assumption is victory is happening.
31:19All right.
31:20That's why I have balloons in the meetings.
31:21Keep getting hit by these balloons.
31:23That's okay, man.
31:24People are doing that on purpose.
31:29But I have to tell you, I won't be fazed by these balloons.
31:36Yes, it's fun.
31:37It's fun to play with balloons, but I have a serious announcement.
31:44I need everybody on the record supporting me and voting.
31:47Can we raise our hands in here if we are planning to vote for Connor?
31:52Yeah.
31:54We are allowed to vote in the American.
31:56What?
31:57I'm not allowed to vote.
31:58Are you kidding me?
31:59Sorry.
32:00Why not?
32:01I wish I had known that.
32:02What?
32:04Not a citizen.
32:04Orlando!
32:05You're not an American citizen?
32:07Yeah.
32:08She's pristine?
32:09Yeah.
32:10I'm actually pristine.
32:11I'm actually pristine.
32:12Not even legal.
32:14My visa expired.
32:15I just...
32:16We didn't hear that.
32:17Orlando, are you fucking kidding me?
32:17We didn't hear that.
32:19Orlando, you can't say anything more.
32:21It's not funny, Orlando.
32:22Are you kidding me?
32:23Can you...
32:24I've got you out there in public as a face of my campaign for gay Latino outreach.
32:28We need to get him citizenship now.
32:31Backdate it.
32:32We need to retroactively get him citizenship.
32:34Langan's not married.
32:36I don't want to get into my personal life and why that situation exists.
32:41Alright.
32:42We'll table it for now.
32:44But this is on the table.
32:48Alright, let's go.
32:56Let's go.
33:01Alright.
33:02Go, go, go.
33:03I mean you wannaef me out so you wanna press another thing.
33:05Ok.
33:06Yeah.
33:06Yeah, more than I'm is playing ahead.
33:1037...
33:10They just turned 37.
33:23No, no, that's a separate concert.
33:26We're going to have a concert rally in September.
33:28We can table that.
33:29Let's put that under Langen's Wedding.
33:32Yeah, we'll just combine Langen's Wedding with that.
33:35Oh, I don't want the wedding to infect the concert.
33:38The concert's going to be a lot of fun.
33:39The wedding's going to be heartbreaking.
33:40I feel like we're jumping the gun on...
33:42The concert's going to be heartbreaking?
33:43No, the concert's going to be fun.
33:45The wedding's going to be heartbreaking.
33:46Langen doesn't love Orlando.
33:47Orlando's gay and I just...
33:49I mean, on every level, this is a disaster, but it has to happen.
33:53Just hoping the concert's fun.
33:54From a management standpoint, we're going to want the same team on the concert
33:57that we're going to want on that wedding.
33:59Oh, absolutely.
33:59So we might...
34:00That's what I'm saying.
34:00I don't want to waste booking good bands for this wedding, which is a joke.
34:04All right.
34:05Yeah.
34:05The concert's going to be legit fun.
34:07Do we know for sure Langen doesn't love him?
34:10Orlando's can't consummate this wedding.
34:12Yeah, but she might love him anyway.
34:13I'd be like, you could love him.
34:13That's even worse.
34:14That's like a Far From Heaven type thing.
34:16That's like Julianne Moore and Dennis Quaid.
34:18God.
34:19Love's beautiful.
34:20Rapid response.
34:21Shut down.
34:21Right now.
34:22We do not need a rapid response for this.
34:24It's a sham wedding, and we're all on board in this room.
34:28Don't call it that outside of this room.
34:29It is a sham wedding.
34:30I'm part of that.
34:31My name is Connor Rallup.
34:33I'm 36 years old, and I'm the president of the United States.
34:39The United States Constitution says you have to be just 35 years old.
34:43You're going to be president.
34:45I'm 36.
34:47That is old enough to be president, so that's all you get right there.
34:50It's right there.
34:52And that individual position.
34:54That's right.
34:55That's right.
34:57Item number 10 on the agenda is the stadium blanket.
35:01So far, I'm the only person in the campaign who's bought one of these.
35:04I need everybody to buy one of these.
35:05You should be having these, going around with them, walking around with them.
35:11You can wear it like a cape.
35:13I'll just put it out there.
35:15I'll put it on.
35:15$60 with shipping.
35:17Can I just, you know we did that pledge before where everyone said they were going to vote for me.
35:21Can I just get a show of hands if everyone is going to buy the stadium blanket?
35:25It's just really expensive, and it's so warm.
35:28Have you seen how soft it is?
35:30I know it's soft, but like...
35:31This is like the softest.
35:33Can I take part of my...
35:34Honestly, and this is an honest question, why is it called the stadium blanket?
35:38Because of the size.
35:39Because of the size, you take it to like sporting events.
35:41Maybe that's the problem.
35:42Maybe it's that we are too narrowly defining this as a stadium blanket.
35:46Maybe we need to put each other uses.
35:48Could be a picnic blanket.
35:49Could be a lover's blanket.
35:50I'd be more likely to buy a picnic blanket.
35:53I understand no one's going to...
35:54It's embarrassing.
35:55No one's going to admit that they're ever going to make love on this.
35:59But trust me, if you buy one, at one point, this thing is so soft, everybody in this room
36:05at some point is going to make love to someone.
36:07I won't because I'll be in a sexless Shan marriage.
36:09Yeah, I like it.
36:10I like it.
36:11Yeah, I like it.
36:12Oh, God.
36:13There's no one here saying that you have to be faithful to Orlando.
36:17No one here...
36:18God.
36:18I mean, we should say that.
36:20We should push for faithful.
36:21No.
36:22Layton, let me just say this.
36:25I have too much respect for you as a person, as press secretary, and I'd like to think as
36:30a friend.
36:31I would not be forcing you to marry a gay illegal immigrant if I thought for a second that you
36:38were going to remain sexually faithful to him.
36:41Okay?
36:42That's not...
36:43I don't want that to be a concern.
36:44That is not on the cards.
36:45All right?
36:46You can step out on him 24-7, 365.
36:51All right?
36:52That is none of this campaign's business.
36:54I'll say it right now.
36:56Anyone on this campaign, if you're Tom Catton around, it's on you.
37:00It's up to you.
37:01It's your life.
37:02I don't...
37:03I'm not going to judge that.
37:04If someone comes to me with a story and says, Will Hines is up to some naughty business,
37:09having sex on your stadium blanket with God knows who, the first thing I would say
37:14to them is, that is up to him.
37:17That is Will Hines' business.
37:19I'm looking forward to trying to be a supportive and helpful member of the team.
37:26Positivity.
37:26That's what I'm about.
37:29I think we're going to win.
37:32People are talking about his age, and I think we want to keep people talking about his age.
37:37It's going great.
37:38It is going much better than I had ever anticipated.
37:42I think we're going to win.
37:44Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are out there.
37:47They're playing outfield, and the game is all infield.
37:51We're in the infield right now, and we're going to build a field of dreams.
37:55I think we're going to win.
37:57I have one agenda item that I didn't list on the agenda.
38:00I think everyone's going to feel pretty good about it, which is that I think that I'm going
38:05to win the presidency.
38:06And I want everyone just to think about that, how awesome that's going to be, and think
38:12about how it's going to affect everybody in this room, even you Will.
38:15I know that you're negative.
38:16I know that you, I know that I come down hard with you about stuff, but come November, and
38:21then come January, you're going to be working and living in the White House.
38:27It's going to be a lot of fun, and I think it's going to be good for you.
38:30I think you're going to finally, whatever that dark cloud of gloom that makes you just
38:35like poison in any room you're in, finally, maybe that, maybe this will be the thing that,
38:41maybe I'll have something like, hey, I helped that guy out.
38:45I am, I don't think that needed to be on the agenda.
38:49Yeah, that's why I didn't write it on the agenda.
38:51It's just an inspiring speech that I made.
38:53If you guys want to keep on doing campaign work all day, I'm going to go to the park and
38:59campaign.
38:59I'm going to have a picnic on this blanket.
39:04And just have fun.
39:09You take that out with me?
39:10Yeah, well, I'm going to be campaigning with it, so if everyone just wants to do whatever
39:14works, send those emails, set up the pollster party, inspiring speeches, rapid response,
39:20passport, wedding plans, and general campaign management, right?
39:24You got it.
39:25All right.
39:26We're going to win this thing.
39:27All right.
39:28You can have fun with the balloons now.
39:32Do you know your way out?
39:33Yeah.
39:34All right.
39:36We're going to win this.
39:37We are going to win this.
39:39We're going to win this.
39:40Right?
39:42All right.
40:1335, 35, 35, 35, 35, 35.
40:43I would hope it would bless America.
40:48It doesn't matter.
40:57We're going to win.
40:58I feel like we're going to win this.
41:00I definitely feel we're going to win.
41:02Like, there's no way we won't win.
41:04I honestly believe now there's zero chance we won't win.
41:07I feel like a rush.
41:09Like, this is what it feels like.
41:10This is what it's going to feel like.
41:12In, like, less than two months, I'm going to be elected.
41:17It started on the dance floor.
41:19It started off plutonic.
41:21Talking about who's seeing who now.
41:23We're face to face now.
41:25Isn't this ironic?
41:27I kiss you on your lower lip.
41:29In my head thinking, isn't this a trip?
41:31So we let the song play.
41:33Do what the song say.
41:34I dip, you dip, we dip.
41:37We stop and get a bite to eat.
41:39Now we're hand to hand walking down the street.
41:42And there's still an opportunity for us to not cross the fine line of what a friend can be.
41:47I raise my hand and hail a taxi.
41:49You climb in two, now we're in the backseat.
41:51Pay the fare, now we're there, now we're in the back street.
41:54Both our hands make their way down each other's back.
41:57So now we're speaking without audibles.
41:59Cause this entire play is inaudible.
42:02Now we're in your house, pull a shirt, pull a blouse.
42:04Till there's no news, no clothing articles.
42:06Feel like that R. Kelly song, taking off your dress.
42:09My mind is saying no, but my body, yes.
42:12So here we go, on our marks, ready set.
42:14The gravity is pulling us as close as we could ever get.
42:17So we both get the message.
42:20We know it's kinda late.
42:22We both feel guilty.
42:25We both feel great.
42:26Let's make a beautiful mistake.
42:39We both feel guilty.
42:45We both feel great.
42:47Let's make a beautiful mistake.
42:50A beautiful mistake.
42:51Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
42:58Oh, oh, oh, oh
43:08Oh, oh, oh, oh
43:14Go, Connor. Walk confidently.
43:21They know he's on the ground there.