- 2 hours ago
Make That - Season 1 Episode 5 - Naughty Naughty Secrets
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Pardon me.
00:02My name is Kabir.
00:04I'm a chauffeur with 65,000 miles on the clock.
00:09I am discreet.
00:12The man I help is Mr. Ebren Archer.
00:15If I can choose anybody whose my job is to drive,
00:19I will choose him.
00:21Good morning, Kabir.
00:22Good morning, Mr. Ebren Archer.
00:32He's such a great man.
00:34He never raises his voice, and he never throw his food out of the window.
00:42Lately, Mr. Ebren Archer is recovering from medical experience heart attack.
00:48I asked them if they could cut my heart out, give it to him, but this was not allowed.
00:54His doctor tells him he must slow down.
01:00Please create a movie about Mr. Ebren Archer's amazing life story.
01:05You would be making a humble driver and a private equity fund manager very happy indeed.
01:15What a heartwarming person.
01:17Gee, it's not often you see somebody who admires their boss so much they want to make a movie
01:21for them.
01:21I don't trust him.
01:23What?
01:24He's as cute as a peach pie.
01:26No old money bags.
01:29Rich people give me the creeps.
01:56Shasta!
01:57Shasta!
01:58Shasta!
01:58Shasta!
01:59Shasta!
02:10With Mr. Eblen Archer away for the week on business, we decided to surprise Kabir with
02:14a luxury drive in a limousine.
02:17This time, he'll be travelling in the back of the car.
02:28Treat yourself to some nibbles.
02:32Take off your gloves.
02:33Oh, no, no, no.
02:34Never.
02:37Fascinating to see how the other half live.
02:39Alright for some, hey.
02:41Your parents own a Fortune 500 company.
02:47So give us the lowdown on Mr. Eblen Archer.
02:49He's a great man.
02:51He even let me drive Uber over the weekend.
02:54Great boss.
02:55I suppose we're similar in that way.
02:57I'm always encouraging my crew to work on their own personal projects.
03:03Give us everything.
03:05What are his hobbies?
03:06Oh, I couldn't possibly tell you that.
03:08It's a need to know basis.
03:09I would like to know.
03:11We're trying to tell his life story.
03:15What about what Mr. Eblen Archer's first name?
03:18Stop.
03:19That's confidential information.
03:21He's a very private person.
03:23You don't have to protect him, Kabir.
03:26It's obvious he's in the New World Order.
03:31Really?
03:33It's disgusting.
03:34They all have these symbols.
03:36One of them wears a mask.
03:38There was a YouTube video about it.
03:40But it got taken down.
03:41Who took it down?
03:43Nobody knows.
03:44So they meet up.
03:45They meet up.
03:46I really like this angle.
03:48This is good.
03:49It's juicy.
03:50They get undressed.
03:51And they piss everywhere.
03:53No.
03:54And they lie down really, really close to the piss.
03:58And they close their eyes.
03:59And they start rubbing each other's lumps.
04:02And then they stir.
04:03They stir.
04:04And then they move.
04:06And there's a tube.
04:07And it makes some of the piss black.
04:12I'm sorry.
04:12I thought I was telling you about it.
04:15Yeah, yeah.
04:15That's what I mean.
04:16Because they don't want us to know.
04:19It's a bit far-fetched to me.
04:20I think you might have gone down a YouTube rabbit hole.
04:23Your parents are probably involved.
04:26Yeah, I bet they eat raw meat out of each other's assholes.
04:29Sebastian, that is disgusting.
04:31There's no evidence of that.
04:33Some poshios took me to a nightclub once.
04:36I went to the toilet.
04:38And you won't believe it.
04:40Up on the wall.
04:41A condom machine.
04:44I bet your boss is knee-deep in all sorts of sordid clubs.
04:48I mean, he owned the golf club.
04:56Forget it what I said.
04:57With a little persuasion, Kabir led us to Mr. Ebn Archer's fortress of perversion.
05:03While I infiltrated the inner sanctum, Jess was fixating on an offhand comment.
05:08How cool is it that Sam wants us to work on our own stuff?
05:11Oh, he's so compassionate.
05:13Why can't you just give us a pay rise?
05:16You get paid?
05:19Not until February next year, that's right.
05:22Uh-huh, okay.
05:23All right then, goodbye.
05:26And what do we have here?
05:28A symbol.
05:28A floor swastika.
05:30A clue.
05:31Come here.
05:32What's all this?
05:33Relax.
05:34We just need to film an exposé about Mr. Ebn Archer.
05:36An exposé about Mr. Ebn Archer?
05:39I'm sorry.
05:40I meant to say a charming biopic about Mr. Ebn Archer.
05:43Mr. Ebn Archer hasn't notified us of any film crews.
05:47We do surprises.
05:48Well, the club is members only.
05:50If that isn't proof of disgusting, scrotum-based, pedophile rituals, I'm not sure what is.
05:57We shall become members.
05:59That would involve a rather substantial fee.
06:02Never you mind.
06:04The fee is something we can certainly provide.
06:10One moment.
06:15I'm thinking I'm going to show him Eleanor's birdbath.
06:19I wonder, do you think maybe he'd give me feedback on you?
06:24Who the fuck is Eleanor Birdbath?
06:29My short film, Eleanor's Birdbath.
06:36You guys said you'd read it.
06:40Oh, Eleanor's Birdbath.
06:42Oh, so sorry, Jessie.
06:44I thought you said something wildly different.
06:47Now's your chance.
06:48Where's Sebastian?
06:49As per usual, Sebastian had wandered off and been hit in the face by a golf ball.
06:55Sorry!
06:56I shouted it into me, but he just stood there.
07:00How long was I out for?
07:02Did you finish the movie?
07:04Was it fun?
07:05Sebastian, we've just arrived.
07:07We've only been here ten minutes.
07:09Oh, neat.
07:10In that case, I was thinking maybe I could try and be the director this week.
07:14The director?
07:15Yeah, what do you say?
07:16I think I'm ready to step up.
07:18What an intriguing concept.
07:21Ooh, I do worry it might be difficult to insure you now that you've got a brain injury.
07:27What about...
07:32Smoke?
07:33Smoke machine?
07:34Mmm, smoke machine.
07:36It's a pretty important job.
07:38No, it's not.
07:39I want to sit in the nice chair.
07:40I need your dad's credit card.
07:46What happened to your wallet?
07:48You've got to stop keeping it loose.
07:50Oh, loosey-goosey.
07:53Your additional donation is very generous.
07:56It is our policy to conduct a background check.
07:58No problem.
08:02Very nice.
08:03We want all access here.
08:04All the secret entrances.
08:06Well, I'm happy for you to film everywhere except the function room.
08:09We're setting up for our big corporate weekender.
08:11Eh?
08:12Every year we honour our top performing executives.
08:15So you're telling me this place will be swarming with epstillions?
08:19Epstillions?
08:20Half Epstein, half Reptilian.
08:22No, I'm not saying that.
08:24Why not?
08:26Pretty interesting article.
08:29Yes, he almost hid the hole in one.
08:32Huh.
08:34Who's that?
08:36Bert.
08:37Bert?
08:38His father done everything for him.
08:41He is a disgraceful, shameful Bert.
08:46And who's that?
08:49Cartoon.
08:50Hey, I've been meaning to ask.
08:53You know how before, in the limo...
08:54Oh my God.
08:56When he was stuffing his face?
08:58That was hard to watch.
09:02We've got to be so careful.
09:03I'm worried if any of these global elites even see him, they'll lose their sexual appetites entirely.
09:10I meant the personal projects.
09:12I mean he's not traditionally fugly, but he's a bit of a mood killer.
09:15What?
09:16I could try covering him with a blanket.
09:19Jess.
09:20Brilliant.
09:24To expose the evil underbelly of the golf club, we needed to go deep undercover.
09:29G'day.
09:30Not sure we've been introduced.
09:32I'm baby Murdoch.
09:34Bit of a billionaire if I may say so myself.
09:38May I offer you an oyster, sir?
09:43No, thank you.
09:45That's very kind.
09:47This is my butler, Smidgen.
09:50Well done, Smidgen.
09:51Lovely to meet you.
09:53I take it you're here for the ceremony.
09:55What ceremony?
09:57My nanny, Miss Thwicket.
10:00The highest performing CEO awards?
10:03Always a bit dry, aren't they?
10:05Yeah, might duck my head in.
10:08Listen, just between you and I, I'm desperate to unwind.
10:12My fifth wife.
10:14She's a real ball buster.
10:18Yes.
10:19I'm his wife.
10:21Daniela Rochella Sinclair.
10:23And I hope you don't mind, but I slept my way to the top.
10:27And that's just a blanket, I'm pretty sure.
10:32Bloke who runs this place.
10:34The Eblon Archer.
10:36Do you know him?
10:36What's he into?
10:38Does he like smearing?
10:39Injecting things up his gooch hole?
10:41No, it's not like that.
10:43It's more sacrifices, demon meetups, long wavy knives.
10:48Miss Thwicket.
10:50Governor.
10:51He mostly keeps to himself.
10:54Andrew, do you know if Eblon arches into anything spicy?
10:59Hmm.
11:00Well, I can't say I've ever chatted to the man.
11:02His son seems to be going for a bit of a rough patch at the moment.
11:06Oh, hello.
11:09Sorry, I think we met before.
11:11Don't remember that.
11:12Oh, sorry.
11:14Do you mind not doing that?
11:15Okay.
11:16We're not here to play games.
11:19Well, all I can say about the man is he did have that, um, thing installed.
11:25Oh, yes, the machine that, uh, spins around.
11:35It allows driver to come in and out of the car park without having to manually turn the car around.
11:42Mr. Eblon Archer is very proud of the car turntable.
11:46But what happens when you press the other button?
11:51Uh, probably slides across to reveal some-
11:54Underground Sock Palace.
11:55No, no, it's more likely it's a secret temple filled with bowls of blood.
12:00I don't think so.
12:01I believe it's a suckatorium with thousands of alipatian guards.
12:05And they come all right.
12:06Just make this stuff up.
12:08I've actually researched it online.
12:21It just went the other way.
12:23Time for some ads.
12:24And by the way, actually get some of these products.
12:27These are high quality products.
12:40I'm not seeing any smoke.
12:44I think it's broken.
12:45Can we swap?
12:47No, Sebastian.
12:48Alright, cut there.
12:50It looks really good.
12:52The most boring man in the world getting driven around by the second most boring man in the world.
12:57Who wants to watch that?
12:58Um, hey, I was wondering-
13:02Why are you shaking?
13:03Uh, sorry.
13:04I accidentally wrote a short film.
13:06Um, Eleanor's Bird Bath.
13:09It's probably nothing, but I would just, um, I would love some notes on it.
13:12Would you look at it?
13:14This is a short film?
13:15It's as thick as the Holy Bible.
13:17I'll trim it down.
13:18Thank you so, so much.
13:19Can you give Dipstick a hand?
13:21Yeah.
13:25Do you understand the metaphor?
13:27The sparrow is in fact the spirit of Eleanor's dead fiancée.
13:32Sebastian, press the button.
13:33You're wrong on this!
13:36Kabir, how do you feel about trying some dialogue?
13:40Mr. Ablyn Archer prefers silence.
13:43He prefers silence?
13:45Well, we'd love you to say something.
13:47Like what?
13:50Anything!
14:05I've never done this before.
14:07Just talk! Improvise!
14:10Fuu-futurama?
14:13Soft drink?
14:15That's what you say is Futurama and soft drink?
14:20We need to get him some training.
14:22ASAP!
14:23We were forced to enroll Kabir in a level one improv course.
14:26Marty's the best!
14:27And then just repeat after me.
14:29Wah wah!
14:30Wah wah!
14:32Wah wah!
14:32Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
14:34Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
14:36And just...
14:36Ooh!
14:41Yes, yes, but it is rather large.
14:44I'm sorry sir, we only make big clocks.
14:47Yes you do, but I only came in for a scale and polish.
14:52I'm always adding stuff like that.
14:54Action!
14:54Yes, and did you hear about the person who bought an alarm clock that was too big?
15:00No, tell me more.
15:02First of all, they bought it from a dentist.
15:08Very funny for a dentist to sell an alarm clock instead of the teeth.
15:15Sebastian, easy on the smoke.
15:19Hey, turn it off!
15:21I'm trying!
15:22Sebastian!
15:23I can't!
15:25All right.
15:25Just turn it off!
15:26Turn it off!
15:31Let's just lose the smoke machine.
15:33I mean, why would there even be smoke inside the tarp?
15:35Right?
15:38What do I do that...
15:40Maybe we can co-direct?
15:42Safety brother style.
15:43Might be best you sit this one out, buddy.
15:55How can we liven this up?
15:57What do you think, Winnie?
15:58Should we go handheld?
16:03Let's just scrap this scene.
16:05It's not working.
16:06It's a turd!
16:07We'll get an early start tomorrow.
16:09Big finale.
16:10The heart attack.
16:11Oh, absolutely not.
16:13It's much too personal.
16:16He wouldn't want that to be in the movie.
16:20Kibbeak, another quick word.
16:22How can I make a bottle of wine?
16:24If you won't give me a single grape!
16:28I'm sorry, Mr. Daddick there.
16:29I felt bad for shouting.
16:31And grabbing.
16:32But I wasn't the only one feeling frustrated.
16:35Sebastian was drowning his sorrows.
16:37Bartender, fetch me another sack.
16:40Yes, sir.
16:43Yo, three more scotch and whiskies, please.
16:46Neat.
16:47Very well, Mr. Ablan Archer.
16:50You're the one they call Bert?
16:52That's right.
16:54Have you been watching me?
16:57You don't work for my dad, do you?
17:00No.
17:01Apparently I'm not allowed.
17:03These are all me, by the way.
17:10Bro, you know what's really funny?
17:12I used to have that same credit card.
17:15But then my dad took it for me.
17:21I think I like you.
17:28Bro, we have a great deal in common, I tell you that.
17:31If anything, my parents are holding me back.
17:33Sam acts like their money is the only reason I'm on the team.
17:37The only reason I'm not in charge is the green-eyed monster, a.k.a. Jealousy.
17:43My dad is always riding me too hard.
17:47One time, I got so angry about it, I tried to punch a hole in my own head.
17:53And that's when they tried to lock me up.
17:56A.k.a. send me to art therapy class.
17:59What does that mean?
18:00I'll show you, bro.
18:05You made these?
18:06Yeah.
18:09They're fascinating.
18:10Thank you, bro.
18:12One day my dream is to become an amazing sculptor, like Michelangelo.
18:15You know him?
18:17What's funny is, uh, I showed my dad these, and I told him I wanted to leave the family business.
18:23And, uh, he had a heart attack, man.
18:27Imagine that.
18:29Basically no one is rocking with me anymore because of that.
18:32Not actually your fault.
18:34Nobody should live in someone else's shadow.
18:37From what I've researched and what I know, shadow is the absence of light.
18:42You're a good guy.
18:44Let's do another round, Ricky.
18:45Let's go.
18:46Come on, boys.
18:47I really need to close up.
18:49Ricky, I don't want to be a douchebag, man, but my dad kind of owns you, right?
18:53Right.
18:54Right, Ricky?
18:55That is right, yeah.
18:57So get us some more drinks, please.
18:59Right, you are.
19:00And get some cheese from the boy.
19:03The next morning I was at an all-time low.
19:06I was starting to wonder if there was even a single pedophile at the club.
19:10Hey, chin up.
19:12There's got to be one of this thing tonight.
19:15Thanks, Pat.
19:17Yeah.
19:19Surely there's a pedophile here.
19:21Pedophile.
19:23Pedophile.
19:24Pedophile.
19:26They've got very close set eyes.
19:28No.
19:28They're sensitive to light.
19:30What's wrong next?
19:31They're very misunderstood.
19:33I'm going to have to come clean here.
19:35Hadn't really done our homework on this one.
19:38My team and I have since gone through a series of briefings about this community.
19:42From our employers at Channel 4.
19:45Who are not pedophiles.
19:47Hey, Sam.
19:47I made some amends to my script.
19:49I thought you were going to cut it down.
19:51Yeah, I tried, but then I had an idea for a subplot with the gardener.
19:54You've got time.
19:55You should read it now.
20:00Why not?
20:07Jack's bread bath.
20:08Nice.
20:12Oh.
20:12Why didn't I think of that?
20:15Looks like we were onto something.
20:17Some bastards nicked my camera.
20:22The culprit?
20:24Sebastian.
20:25He was developing a nasty habit of lying on the ground in disgrace.
20:29Oh.
20:30Me thinks a bender.
20:32We've all been there.
20:35Sebastian.
20:37I'm livid.
20:38I'm ashamed.
20:40Hey, what's up guys?
20:41I'm Bert.
20:42You've been playing with my tackle.
20:49Bro, you're kind of nice with the camera, man.
20:51I play with it when people are sleeping, man.
20:54You didn't get permission for this.
20:56Yo, Ricky, get on this shit.
20:57Try it.
20:57Ricky.
21:04This is creepy.
21:05Nope.
21:15Bro, I don't know if I like...
21:16I don't know if I like what you're doing there.
21:18Don't be sucking on me.
21:20Nasty, nasty.
21:22Bro, I got an idea.
21:24Let's go make something, bro.
21:25I thought we had an agreement.
21:27I want that thing out of there.
21:30What?
21:38What is this?
21:39A big red breast?
21:41We made it for you.
21:43That's it.
21:44No more personal projects.
21:52And who is this?
21:54Kabir, no, no, no.
21:55It's all good, honestly.
21:57Don't look at that.
21:59I'll give you 400 pounds for it.
22:01More if you can get me the full pair.
22:031,000 pounds.
22:05It makes me rock hard.
22:081,500 with VAT.
22:10Henderson, I need this more than you do.
22:122,000 pounds.
22:14800.
22:14That's less.
22:15So what?
22:165,000 pounds.
22:22Daddy?
22:27Sebastian, that's their moment, I think.
22:29So basically, Mr. Eblen Archer's meeting in Zurich got pushed back.
22:33He flew home and ruined our surprise.
22:36We didn't get a chance to finish the movie, so we had to make do with Sebastian's footage.
22:41I hate you!
22:43I hate you!
22:45Die!
22:46Die!
22:47Die!
22:47Die!
22:49Mr. Eblen Archer said that Kabir had crossed the line.
22:52And sadly, made the decision to let him go.
22:56But what a send off.
22:57Die!
22:59Hold you!
23:10Who has to go?
23:11Both didnt go.
23:12I believe in miracles.
23:16They happen all the time.
23:21I try to make a movie for you.
23:26All about your life
23:30And in my mind I'm driving
23:33And you'll be right behind me
23:35I'm dressed downtown
23:37With the windows down
23:40People passing by saying
23:43Hey, I like that guy
23:45But we can't stop
23:46We've got somewhere to be
23:50We've got somewhere to be
23:57I am the beaver
24:02And I am discreet
24:06I am the beaver
24:11And I'm looking for a job
24:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
24:25oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
24:25oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
24:25oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
24:26oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
24:29oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
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