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The Harry Hill Show - Season 2 Episode 3 - Adam Hills
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00:00Bleeding seeds game. I've had it with you. I rip your heart out.
00:04Last time on the Harry Hill Show.
00:07Haha! Result!
00:11Harry Hill Show!
00:14Hello there. I'm Harry Hill and this is my show.
00:18It's the Harry Hill Show!
00:21Oh, Bruno, you're doing some art.
00:24Huh?
00:25Let's have a look. Do you mind?
00:27Bring them over.
00:30Look what you've been up to.
00:34Oh, right, yes.
00:37They're all squirrels with their faces scribbled out.
00:42What is that?
00:46The guest is here, Daddy!
00:48Oh, what's there, Gary?
00:50As you're saying, the guest is here. He's sitting there all along.
00:54Oh, in that case, we'd better welcome our guest.
00:58Welcome to you.
01:01Adam Hills.
01:03It's Adam Hills. Welcome, Adam.
01:04Lovely to see you.
01:06Oh!
01:06Oh, look.
01:08It's Vicky, the Harry Hill Show mascot.
01:10Vicky, the Harry Hill Show mascot.
01:11Vicky previously had a job at Ascot.
01:14Vicky, Vicky, Vicky.
01:16Oh, now he's going to. I do apologise.
01:19I do apologise.
01:20A little bit of that's okay. Vicky!
01:34I ripped his heart out by the roots.
01:39Sorry about that.
01:39Now, welcome. Adam Hills, of course, one of our-
01:45What's going on?
01:48A giant of comedy.
01:52And one of the few, one of the few, we don't do it very often, Adam.
01:56We don't, in this country necessarily, welcome Australians.
02:02Australian, we only ever take one or two to our heart.
02:05Yes, that's true, at a time.
02:07And it's you.
02:09It's you at the moment.
02:10You, Kylie, who else, Dame Edna.
02:14I mean, Rolf for a while.
02:15Well, we don't.
02:19He's mentioned Rolf.
02:21We've only been doing it for two minutes since he's brought Rolf up.
02:25He casts a long shadow.
02:27Maybe Nick Cave, I don't know.
02:29Nick Cave.
02:30Yeah, he's slightly on there.
02:31Yeah.
02:32On the outside there.
02:33I was once at a function at Buckingham Palace for-
02:36Oh, look at me.
02:42It was an Australians in London or in the UK function.
02:46Fantastic.
02:46And it was before the Queen and Prince Philip were about to go to Australia.
02:50And so, there was a whole group of us in one room and then the VIPs in the fancy room,
02:56you're Kylie and-
02:58Oh, you weren't a VIP.
03:00No, I wasn't in the VIP room.
03:01Oh, no, no.
03:02I was in the room with Alf from Home and Away.
03:05Right.
03:08What's he up to now?
03:11He kind of met them right before me.
03:13I was after Alf.
03:14Right.
03:15I wasn't there when-
03:16Well, there was a weird moment when Prince Philip like met Alf from Home and Away.
03:20I can't even remember.
03:21He's Raymar.
03:22You must be Alf from Home and Away.
03:25And then they started singing, the two of us belong together.
03:31No matter where I can.
03:35Never forever and ever.
03:39Apparently, that was one of the tunes that they were going to play at the funeral,
03:43but they decided against it in the end.
03:46And he shook Ray's hand and then he shook my hand and said,
03:50are you on the stage as well?
03:52And I said, oh, I'm a comedian.
03:53And he went, well, that's the stage, isn't it?
03:55Oh dear.
03:56Yes, I guess so.
03:57Bye.
04:00But Nick Cave was also there that night.
04:02Oh.
04:02But I didn't get to see the moment that Nick Cave shook hands with the Queen
04:05because I just thought that would have been such an incongruous image.
04:08Hasn't he got some sort of gong from the-
04:12Yes.
04:12Nick Cave.
04:13Do you know what?
04:14He's surprised.
04:15Have you ever met Nick Cave?
04:16No.
04:17But I mean, I like Nick Cave, but it's a slightly odd thing that he sort of plays
04:21the outside or he's the sort of, you know, rebel.
04:23And then he's taking an honour from-
04:26Like, I was thinking that as well.
04:28Like, what's the introduction?
04:29You, Queen of England, Prince of Darkness, Prince of Darkness, Queen of England.
04:32I've met him.
04:33He's surprisingly goofy.
04:34Oh, is he?
04:35He's kind of interested and floppy and goofy.
04:39Oh, right.
04:41Hmm.
04:41Sorry.
04:42Sounds perfect for this show.
04:44Let's get his number.
04:45So, when I was at the coronation-
04:49It's just appalling name-dropping and self-aggrandizing.
04:54What were you doing at the-
04:55Again, I was invited as like a group of Australians, special Australians that were invited to the
05:00coronation.
05:00There were like nurses and scientists and stuff and there was me and there was Nick Cave.
05:04They're gaslighting you, Adam, aren't they?
05:07You know, because they're trying to keep the Australians on side because there's this movement,
05:11isn't there?
05:11Yes.
05:12That's exactly what it is.
05:14Keep us in with the monarchy, right?
05:15How was the coronation then?
05:17Oh, long.
05:18Yeah, it was long.
05:19I genuinely practiced for days before on how long I could go without needing a wee.
05:26Right.
05:26But still having coffee because I need caffeine in the morning.
05:28Yeah.
05:29So, I was practicing for a few days.
05:30I was training myself to have like less and less coffee in the morning and go longer
05:34before I needed the bathroom.
05:36Right.
05:38Like old regime.
05:40Are there toilets at Westminster, Adam?
05:42No, we were told once it starts, you're not allowed to go to the loo and it was like
05:46five, six hours.
05:47Oh, that long?
05:48Yeah.
05:49Yeah.
05:50In fact, the previous coronation went for so long that under the stands where people
05:54were sitting to watch, the next day when they cleaned up, they found feces and urine
05:58because people were just shitting themselves while watching the coronation.
06:02Oh, really?
06:02Oh, okay.
06:02Anyway, Nick Cave didn't do that.
06:04But, sorry, I think, am I rambling?
06:08I mean, urine, yes, but feces?
06:11Should be at a whole day.
06:13Should be at a whole day.
06:15Dear, oh dear.
06:16Okay, yeah.
06:17On the way into the coronation, I was talking to an Australian nurse about whether Melbourne
06:23is better than Sydney.
06:25And then she was saying, she was from Perth, so she was saying Perth's better.
06:28And then Nick Cave came over and joined in the conversation and he said, oh no, I don't
06:33like Perth.
06:33They've got evil swans.
06:35Right.
06:36What?
06:37The swans around the river.
06:38Look, I'll show you.
06:39And he pulls his phone out and shows us a photo he took of a swan in Perth to prove
06:43that
06:43it's evil.
06:44Wow.
06:45And then look at its eyes.
06:46It's evil.
06:46It's evil.
06:47And then he went, Rowan, excuse me, and then just walks off.
06:51And we're like, who does Nick Cave know that he has to go and chat to?
06:54Yeah.
06:54And it was the former Archbishop of Canterbury who he's apparently best friends with.
06:59Yeah.
06:59Yeah.
06:59It's not what you would expect of Nick Cave.
07:01It's not what we expect.
07:03Anyway, sorry.
07:04Yeah.
07:05Because I listened to a thing he did as an interview with Rowan Williams and Nick Cave.
07:09You know, Rowan Williams had this sort of show on Radio 4.
07:12I mean, it seemed very inappropriate.
07:13I'm sure there are other things he could have been doing with his time.
07:16Right.
07:17You know, like, I don't know, feeding the poor or something.
07:19And it's like the Rowan Williams show.
07:22Yeah.
07:22After he was Archbishop?
07:23No, when he was right in the middle of it.
07:25Really?
07:25You can't have your own radio show.
07:27Oh, is that Welby?
07:28Actually, I mixed those two up.
07:30Sorry.
07:31Sorry, Rowan, if you're watching.
07:33I take that back.
07:35Well, perhaps we can expect a song, Evil Swan or something on Nick Cave's...
07:41His voice is not why you expect Nick Cave.
07:43I once saw an evil swan down in Perth by the river.
07:49How am I doing?
07:51But this is...
07:52Okay.
07:53I really want to get a deep dive on Nick Cave because he...
07:55You expect his voice to be like this.
07:57You expect it to be...
07:59Yeah.
07:59I do not believe in an...
08:02What's it called?
08:03Interventionist God.
08:04Interventionist God.
08:05But instead, he's kind of like this.
08:07He's almost like he's Steve Irwin.
08:09Right.
08:09It's like the crocodile hunter becomes Nick.
08:11That's the other one.
08:12Steve Irwin.
08:13Yeah.
08:13He's like backstage going, yeah, sorry, guys.
08:15Got to go out and do a gig.
08:16I'll see you in a second.
08:17Okay, bye.
08:18All right.
08:18Then I took a rock to her face.
08:22Then it comes off.
08:23Yeah, it seemed to go quite well.
08:24Yeah, the whole rock to the face bit.
08:26I think I might keep that.
08:27All right.
08:27Yeah.
08:28That's interesting.
08:28Anyway.
08:29Upbeat guy.
08:29But he keeps it hidden because it doesn't serve his demographic.
08:34Yes, absolutely.
08:35Absolutely.
08:36So, listen, Adam.
08:38Yeah.
08:38Hills.
08:38We've got...
08:39How do you feel about AI?
08:42Wow.
08:42Have you formulated an opinion yet?
08:46So, I...
08:47Okay.
08:48Can I tell you a quick story?
08:49I would love to hear a story.
08:50Okay.
08:51So, I'm doing...
08:52It's all content.
08:53This may just seem like two old guys chatting, but it's content.
08:58Yes.
08:59So, I'm doing a show for the Children's Trust.
09:02He's doing it again.
09:04You know, it's...
09:05Oh, look at me.
09:06I give to help out people.
09:08Oh, the charity, the Children's Trust.
09:12How do you think I feel now?
09:14Go on.
09:15Yes.
09:15That's great.
09:16This is all for charity, right?
09:17This is supporting.
09:18Yeah, sort of.
09:19Yeah.
09:20It's the opposite of charity, actually.
09:23It's taking money.
09:27It's throwing money away.
09:28What's your...
09:29What's that called?
09:31Altruism.
09:31What's flushing five-pound notes down the drain?
09:35What's that called?
09:38What...
09:40What's tearing up...
09:42Anyway.
09:43So, I'm doing a show for the Children's Trust.
09:45What's the Children's Trust?
09:46It's a hospital just west of London for children with acquired brain injuries.
09:51Oh.
09:52And there was a guy...
09:54I host this show every year, and there was a guy that got up last year and spoke.
09:56He was 23.
09:58And he had a stroke when he was 16.
10:00And he had to learn to walk again and talk again through the Children's Trust.
10:03And he gave this beautiful speech.
10:05And he was kind of the star of the night.
10:07So, we all joked, well, next year, he should come back and do a stand-up routine.
10:10Right.
10:11And so, just before Christmas, he was getting nervous about it.
10:13I said, don't worry.
10:14I'll work on it with you.
10:15And he said, oh, I've put it into chat GBT, into AI.
10:19I've said, I had a stroke when I was 16.
10:22I'm doing a five-minute spot at the comedy store.
10:25What should my routine be?
10:27And it spat out like a whole bunch of jokes.
10:30And then it said, would you like me to put this into a routine for you?
10:35And then it put it into a five-minute routine.
10:37And then it said, would you like me to put this into your words?
10:40Right.
10:40And so, then it wrote this five-minute routine.
10:43And some of the jokes were okay.
10:46Really?
10:47That's worrying.
10:48It was very concerning.
10:50But, so then a few weeks later, I sat down with him and I went, okay, look, I think some
10:54of these jokes are actually really good.
10:56And it scares me how good they are.
10:58Were they nicked?
10:59Maybe they were nicked jokes.
11:01No, I don't think they were.
11:03No, really.
11:03Exactly.
11:03But then I said to him, okay, let's see what we come up with.
11:06And then we'll kind of mix and match.
11:09And then by the end of it, all of the jokes we came up with were better than AI.
11:13Right.
11:13Phew.
11:15Yeah.
11:15I tried that.
11:16I put in to chat GBT.
11:18I mean, a while ago, write a Harry Hill comedy routine in the style of Harry Hill.
11:24Terrible.
11:25So then I put, make it funnier.
11:27And it comes back again.
11:28It's still not very funny.
11:29Make it funnier.
11:29Yeah.
11:31And, you know, it was a waste of time, really.
11:33That's, do you know what?
11:34That's really interesting.
11:35Because when you were on our Christmas show, on the Last Legs Christmas show.
11:38Yes.
11:38We said to AI, can you suggest presents for each of the guests?
11:42Oh, that was right.
11:43What did they give me?
11:44A briefcase or something?
11:44Yours was a briefcase full of props.
11:47Yeah.
11:47And yours, it couldn't make funny.
11:51No.
11:51And neither could I, as it turned out.
11:56That's live TV, folks.
11:57Yes.
11:59Right.
12:00So we've got an AI bot, Sarah, who's going to come out and tell us a bit about you.
12:04Sarah, come on out.
12:08There she is.
12:10The AI bot.
12:12And it's Sarah.
12:14Say hello to Adam.
12:16Sorry, I was waiting there for something to happen, but nothing did.
12:19Sarah, say hello to Adam.
12:20Adam Hiltz.
12:21Hey, Adam.
12:22Good to meet you, Cobber.
12:24Fair dinkum.
12:25Throw a tinny on the barbie kiss my kangaroo and other mildly offensive cliches.
12:29I do apologize.
12:30There's no need for it.
12:32I mean, this is...
12:33Hi, Sarah.
12:36Shake his fork, yeah.
12:37Shake her fork, I should say.
12:38Um, so Sarah, you're going to tell us a little bit about Adam.
12:42Here goes.
12:45Adam Christopher Hills is an Australian comedian, radio and television presenter.
12:50Yes.
12:51Early life.
12:51Hills was born in the southern Sydney suburb of Loftus, home of the Sydney Tramway Museum.
12:57Construction of the museum at its original site on the edge of the Royal National Park commenced in August, 1956.
13:03It was officially opened in March, 1965, by NSW Deputy Premier Pat Hills.
13:11The facilities were basic.
13:13Initially a four-track shed built with second-hand materials and approximately 800 metres of running track.
13:19Wow.
13:19In 1975, the Government of New South Wales approved the museum moving to a new site across the Prince's Highway
13:26adjacent to Loftus Railway Station.
13:28Right.
13:28Construction commenced in April, 1980, with the first trams transferred from the old site in November, 1982.
13:36It officially opened on the 19th of March, 1988.
13:40The former Railway Square tramway shelter that had been disassembled in 1973 was reassembled in 1989.
13:48A Traverser from Commons Granville factory was purchased 1991.
13:52The museum was able to commence operating services on the line in 1993.
13:57Hills was born without a right foot and wears a prosthesis, which has become a frequent source of comedy in
14:03his act.
14:05Yeah.
14:05You ever been to the Sydney Tramway Museum?
14:08So many times.
14:09Have you?
14:10I have.
14:12What's it like?
14:14Yeah.
14:14It's a lot of information.
14:16I didn't know the...
14:18A lot of information.
14:19I didn't know the early stuff.
14:21Like...
14:21Fascinating.
14:22I was genuinely...
14:23I wanted to go back and go, sorry, where was the original site?
14:25Yeah.
14:25Because it was moved in 75 and I was five years old and that's when I started going to it.
14:29Right.
14:29It was a...
14:30Yeah.
14:31It moved to the new site across Prince's Highway.
14:34That's...
14:34So where was the first site?
14:35Well, the original site was on the edge of the Royal National Park, which was commenced in August 1956.
14:42Oh, I see.
14:43Oh, got it.
14:43Yeah.
14:44Okay.
14:44Yeah.
14:44It was officially opened by Deputy Premier Pat Hills.
14:48So what is...
14:49Is that one of the big things to see in Loftus?
14:52So nothing in Loftus.
14:54It's the only thing to see in Loftus.
14:56Right.
14:56Yeah.
14:56Once they opened the proper tramway museum and it became quite fancy, we took my granddad
15:02there because my granddad used to work on the trams.
15:04Right.
15:05In Sydney back in the day.
15:07And there was this really lovely moment where this dad was walking around with his kid
15:11going, oh, this is the G500 and it had a top speed of 20 miles an hour and it used
15:17to...
15:17And the kid was so bored.
15:18And my granddad was with us and going, oh, I remember Snowy got into a fight off the back
15:22of this one.
15:23Oh, got a fight with one of the passengers.
15:26It was amazing.
15:28And that brought it alive for the young boy.
15:31And that boy then became a mechanical engineer and worked on the...
15:37Some sort of...
15:38Anyway.
15:39That was, honestly, if ever there was like a description of my early life that really,
15:46really summed me up, that actually got it better than anyone ever has.
15:50Well, that's what we pride ourselves on this show.
15:54That we get these rare insights.
15:56So what was life growing up in Loftus?
15:59I've never been to Australia.
16:00It's a great admission of mine, a great shame of mine because I have a sister who lives in
16:05Melbourne and I keep meaning to visit, but it's a long way to go.
16:09And that's the main reason I haven't been.
16:11It just seems so far, doesn't it?
16:14And you have to stop off.
16:15You can fly direct from London to Perth.
16:18So you can go from England to Australia in one flight.
16:20Right.
16:21How long does that take?
16:22About 17 hours.
16:23Yeah, it's a long time, isn't it?
16:24It is.
16:25You can see a couple of films, I suppose.
16:27Well, the problem with 17 hours, I have done that flight a few times, is you get on the
16:31plane, you watch a movie, you have something to eat, you watch another movie, you watch
16:35a third movie, you go to sleep, you wake up, you have breakfast, you watch another movie,
16:39you watch another movie, and you've still got four hours to go.
16:42Yeah.
16:43And you're like, there's only so many movies and things I can do.
16:46Yeah, sure.
16:49But, so Loftus is a very, very obscure suburb on the southern edge of Sydney.
16:55As was pointed out, right across the road from the Royal National Park.
16:59Right.
16:59Which I think is the second oldest national park in the world, I think.
17:02So when you say park, is that just like scrubland and sort of kangaroos and wallabies?
17:08Yes, bush, bushland, we'd call it.
17:11So it's full of trees, beautiful rivers, untouched, but yeah, kangaroos.
17:16Beautiful.
17:16Right.
17:17Yeah, because obviously we're, so it'd be more like the, because when we say park,
17:21we sort of think of, I don't know, swings and.
17:24Oh, you know, more like.
17:28Like the national, like, you know, Snowdonia National Park.
17:31Yes, yes, yes, yes.
17:32I was going to say that.
17:33I think, I think Yellowstone National Park might be the oldest in the world
17:36and then the Royal National Park in Australia is the second.
17:38Right.
17:39So, like literally my parents' house backed onto bushland.
17:43There was the back fence and then a valley and there'd be cockatoos and kookaburras
17:47and occasionally an echidna.
17:50And even now mum will call me up and say she saw a wallaby behind the back fence.
17:53It's, it's what you think Australia is as a kid.
17:56Yeah.
17:56Yeah, fantastic.
17:57And so you would just go out into this bush and muck about a rural, kind of rural upbringing.
18:05Yeah.
18:05Well, it was on the edge of rural.
18:07It was suburban.
18:07You know, we, we could get a train into the city and we're still literally part of Sydney,
18:12but yeah, you just open the back fence.
18:14And as we would call it bush bash, that was the word for it.
18:17We just go bush bashing and just, you know, disappear for the afternoon.
18:21And mum would call out when it was time for dinner and it would echo across the valley
18:24and the houses on the other side.
18:26And then we'd just come back.
18:27Yeah.
18:27It must've been great seeing all those different kind of exotic animals.
18:32And, and genuinely, you know, that thing that people say, oh, in Australia, did you
18:36have to look out for spiders or snakes?
18:37And we're like, yeah.
18:38Like every time you went out, you'd leave your shoes outside the front door and then you'd
18:43bang them on the ground to make sure there wasn't a spider inside before you put your
18:46shoe on.
18:46Yeah.
18:47So, you know, I grew up in Kent, similar thing.
18:49You know, you go out back, uh, back of the house and there'd be all these fields, but
18:52you know, you, the best you, I would, I used to dream of seeing a snake, you know, a grass
18:58snake or something.
18:59Never saw a snake.
19:00There was nothing, you know, uh, you never saw even a badger or a fox, frankly.
19:04I didn't see a fox until I moved to South London.
19:07Um, yeah, very exciting.
19:10Very exciting.
19:11And then you, so, uh, I think you've got to, you're going to tell us how, uh, Sarah, how,
19:15how Adam became a comedian.
19:18Are you?
19:18You've got something further.
19:29What?
19:31What?
19:35What?
19:38What?
19:44What?
19:45What?
19:46What?
19:48What?
19:55What?
20:03What?
20:13What?
20:14Very legendary, uh, last leg.
20:16Now, but before that, how did you get into standup or what got you into it?
20:20Uh, my first ever experience of standup comedy.
20:23Well, no.
20:24So my dad, my dad worked for Qantas and he would fly around the world and be gone for,
20:29you know, two weeks and back for a week.
20:31And every now and then he'd bring back a comedy album.
20:33Right.
20:34Peter Sellers, uh, or, um, uh, Bill Cosby.
20:39Uh, and we were very much into Dick Emery, like a lot of English comedy and some American
20:45as well.
20:45And so we would listen to these comedy albums, but I think because he worked for Qantas, we
20:50got free flights.
20:51Right.
20:52But we could only go, only if there was a spare seat, we had to go standby.
20:56Right.
20:57So we never went in school holidays and we would turn up to the airport and just hope
20:59there'd be spare seats.
21:01Right.
21:01And there was a specific flight to the States.
21:03I was on, I was probably 10, I think.
21:07And the only spare, there were two seats up front and two seats a bit further back.
21:11So I sat with my brother and my parents were back and I put on the comedy channel
21:14and they had the in-flight comedy channel and I'd never heard standup comedy in public
21:18before.
21:19Right.
21:19I just thought it was something.
21:20Oh, a dry thing.
21:20Cause the, the LPs used to be just dry, didn't they?
21:23Didn't have a laughter or applause, right?
21:25Yes.
21:26Yeah.
21:26Although some of the, I'd say some of the Bill Cosby albums we listened to had was, you
21:30know, live comedy, but I just didn't know other people listened to them as well.
21:33And so I listened to it over and over and over on this flight and it would rewind and then
21:37it would play again and then it would rewind.
21:38And I kind of just fell in love with it.
21:41And so I always wanted to do standup, but I just never thought there was a way into it.
21:46Didn't know how to do it.
21:46No, that was my problem.
21:47I couldn't work out how you became a comedian.
21:50Right.
21:51So how, so for me, it was a friend of mine used to go to the Sydney comedy store on
21:55a Wednesday night to this thing called open mic night that I didn't even know existed.
21:59And as soon as I found out anyone could just get up and try out five minutes, I totally
22:04wanted to do it.
22:05So you did that and you were 19.
22:06That's young to start, isn't it?
22:07And especially, I mean, now it feels like a lot of 19 year olds might, but in 1989, yeah,
22:14I was very.
22:15It's about when I started.
22:17Yeah.
22:17Right.
22:18Yeah.
22:18I mean, I kind of, I was like 26 or something before I did start doing it properly.
22:24Were you a virgin as well?
22:26I was not at 26.
22:28No, that was actually, I lost my virginity to a much older woman.
22:32Um, yeah, I was, um, 57 and she was, um, she was 80, 88.
22:42She was 88.
22:45And, uh, I didn't think I had.
22:50Yeah.
22:50It was a night to remember.
22:52It seems Sarah's laughing.
22:54Really?
22:55Sarah.
22:56Um, so what did you, what did you start doing?
23:00Gags or terrible?
23:02Like just jokes about sex, which was, and, and, you know, like I said, I was a virgin
23:08at 19.
23:09I was up on stage telling jokes about sex.
23:11And I remember as I walked off, the compare said, isn't it funny that the guys that talk
23:15about it the most do at the least?
23:16Oh, he knew.
23:17And he got a massive round of applause.
23:19He knew about you.
23:20Yeah.
23:20Yeah.
23:21Widely known in the area is that.
23:23Yeah.
23:24You see, Adam, he's a, uh, still a virgin.
23:29Um, so then you've gone to, how did you get this TV break?
23:33Because that sounds like you had like a big, that sounds like a big show.
23:36You had this, um, uh, Adam Hills tonight thing.
23:39Sounds like a, like a, like a chat show or.
23:41Well, speaks and specs was the big one.
23:43That was the music quiz show.
23:44So I guess I did, I did stand up and did it.
23:46And, and, um, did the Edinburgh fringe festival.
23:49And you came over, came over.
23:51There was a, there was a comedy festival.
23:53So I started writing, I did stand up.
23:56Right.
23:56And then, uh, start a friend and I started writing jokes for a radio show, a breakfast
24:00radio show.
24:01So we would do our gigs and then go back to her place, get the newspapers.
24:05Cause the newspapers would come out at like one in the morning and then we would write
24:08a whole bunch of jokes and then fax them off to a radio station and then go to sleep
24:13and then hope the next morning they might use one or two of our jokes.
24:16So we ended up becoming writers.
24:18And then it's a good, it's a good way to start, isn't it?
24:21Well, and you know what, in a ridiculous stroke of luck, the first day we decided to do that,
24:28we, I think it was a Monday and we'd, we'd sent, um, and the reason we did it was cause
24:33we were both supporting, uh, Britain's naughtiest hypnotist at the time, Peter Powers.
24:39Right.
24:40Who was on tour in Australia.
24:41Right.
24:42And he would make, he would hypnotize men to believe they had just been caught cheating
24:48on their wife.
24:49And then they would have to apologize to their wife in the audience.
24:52Right.
24:52That they could only speak Chinese.
24:54Okay.
24:55Yeah.
24:57A lot of, I mean, a lot of the entertainers that went over to Australia weren't very well
25:04known over here.
25:05Right.
25:05Yeah.
25:06And that's why they went there.
25:11So we were supporting him and it hadn't worked out.
25:14So we decided, right, let's write some jokes and fax them to a radio station.
25:17And we sent them all in.
25:18And then I went to my place and, you know, we both went to sleep.
25:22And then the next morning I got a, a phone call from the producer of the radio show saying,
25:26this is dynamite.
25:28Yeah.
25:29Virtually.
25:29Yeah.
25:30He said, we used a couple of the jokes.
25:31Did, is this because of the ad?
25:34And I went, the ad?
25:35And he said, yeah, the ad that we put in the newspaper over the weekend looking for comedy
25:38writers.
25:39Fantastic.
25:39And I was like, oh yeah, the ad.
25:42Hadn't, he just thought we'd seen an ad and rather than send in a resume, just decided
25:46to fax in a whole bunch of jokes.
25:47Oh, right.
25:47And so he thought, oh, I love these guys.
25:49I love their moxie.
25:50Yeah.
25:51Giving us jokes that we've used.
25:52And so we ended up becoming freelance writers, then eventually writers.
25:56And that, at which point I then moved to Adelaide to host a breakfast show.
26:01Right.
26:02And then there was a comedy festival in Adelaide and a whole bunch of English comedians came
26:05out.
26:06Lee and Herring.
26:07Oh, Lee and Herring.
26:08Richard Herring came out.
26:09Yeah.
26:10Um, uh, I think Ed Byrne was even there for that one.
26:14And I just met all these people, Boothby Graffo.
26:17Right.
26:17Boothby.
26:18Right.
26:18This is sort of 95.
26:19Would it be something like that?
26:20Yeah.
26:2297.
26:2297.
26:23Okay.
26:23Yeah.
26:24Yeah.
26:24And I remember Boothby saying, I became quite close with Boothby and he said, you need
26:29to go to the Edinburgh fringe.
26:30He said, even if you die on your ass every night for a month, you'll still be a better
26:34comedian at the end of it.
26:36Oh, excuse me.
26:37I better tell you this.
26:38Yeah.
26:39Hello.
26:39Yes.
26:40My auntie.
26:41Yes.
26:42On holiday in Nigeria.
26:43Yes.
26:44Lost her passport in the sea.
26:45What?
26:46And needs a thousand pounds for a new kidney.
26:48Sure.
26:49Yeah.
26:49Hang on.
26:50I'll just get the, um, I'll just get my credit card.
26:53Hang on a sec.
26:54Hey, my auntie's in a care home on the North Kent coast.
26:59See how scams happen.
27:01This was a reconstruction, but wise up guys.
27:05Not very funny.
27:07All right.
27:08We won't use that.
27:10Sarah.
27:12Sarah, have you got anything further to add?
27:15One last bite from Sarah.
27:17Published a memoir, Best Foot Forward, and a book for children, Rockstar Detectives.
27:22So you've been busy with the books.
27:23Dumb Dumbs did that.
27:25Hills partnered with Scott Hallsworth to open a permanent freak scene restaurant in Parsons
27:29Green in London.
27:30What's that?
27:30In April, 2020, Australia Post released a set of stamps recognizing Australian legends
27:36of comedy with Hills appearing on one of the stamps.
27:39Nice.
27:39Hills was appointed member of the Order of the British Empire, MBE.
27:43Oh, you've got one.
27:46You've got one.
27:47You've got one.
27:48You've got one.
27:49Hills is Guinness record holder for the fastest time to put on five jumpers.
27:54That's it.
27:55You're up to date with Adam.
27:56What a life.
27:56Walsing Adam Hills.
27:57Walsing Adam Hills.
27:59You'll go a-walsing.
28:00Adam Hills with me.
28:02And he sang as he watched and waited till his boil in a bag dinner burnt no.
28:06That's enough.
28:07Stop it.
28:08Goodbye.
28:09Twix drop.
28:10And there is your Twix.
28:14That's for you.
28:15Thank you, Sarah.
28:16Gosh, there's a lot.
28:17You've been very busy, haven't you, Adam?
28:20What a life.
28:21What's a freak scene restaurant?
28:24Oh, so it's a restaurant that this Aussie chef and I kind of co-opened in Parsons Green
28:30and then in Balham.
28:31Why didn't you just call it Tax Dodge?
28:36What is it?
28:38What is it?
28:38A restaurant.
28:39Freak scene.
28:40What's the freak scene?
28:41I don't understand.
28:41Freak scene's the name of a dinosaur junior song.
28:44And Scott chose it as the name of the restaurant because he's kind of a freak when it comes
28:48to cooking.
28:48He kind of does stuff that you're not really supposed to do.
28:50Oh, I see.
28:51So for instance, and he's Australian, like I said, but he had this dish.
28:55He told me he had bao buns that were, they weren't stale, but they'd been there for a
29:00while.
29:00So they're a little bit hard.
29:01They were still edible and he didn't know what to do with them.
29:03And he was like, oh, I wonder what would happen if you just like deep fried them in
29:06donut batter.
29:06So he deep fried them in donut batter and then put like a red duck curry in the middle
29:10of it.
29:10What are his qualifications, this guy?
29:14He sounds like an absolute maverick.
29:17And they're nice, are they?
29:19Yeah.
29:20In all honesty, I'm not involved anymore.
29:23Oh, you're not?
29:24No.
29:24Because they had to close the business down and started up the next day as another business
29:28and it felt like that was a tax dodge.
29:31Okay.
29:32Okay.
29:32We touched a raw nerve there.
29:36Um, it's a shame because you had me at stale bao buns.
29:45So, and, but what a fantastic thing.
29:47They released a set of stamps with your face on.
29:49They did.
29:50Yeah.
29:51I was, part of me felt a bit weird about it because they had, I think they went for a
29:56different kind of comedy legend from different decades.
29:59And I think they got to the two thousands and went.
30:03Yeah.
30:03They're up all night.
30:05Who have we got?
30:07No, that's not true.
30:09No, that's what it felt like, to be honest.
30:11I, and I even, I mean, this is typical comedian.
30:15When it, when it happened, I was really excited about it, but I saw one negative tweet from
30:19an Australian actor saying, how does Adam Hills qualify as an Australian legend?
30:24And I still know, I still remember that one tweet.
30:27Yeah.
30:27I've not seen that actor since, but when I do.
30:29Best not to read the comments, Adam.
30:31I mean, certainly not for this show.
30:34I don't know if we've got any way of silencing this.
30:37Um, so.
30:39Oh, do you know?
30:39Sorry.
30:39Do you know what that, and what was really lovely about that though, um, was it, it happened
30:44right before COVID and the lockdowns and all that kind of stuff.
30:46So there was supposed to be a big presentation where we were given a, like a gold version
30:52of the stamp and it never happened.
30:53We never got our presentation, but because during lockdowns, everyone was then ordering
30:58stuff to home.
31:00I kept.
31:00Sales sword.
31:01I kept getting parcels delivered to my house with my own face on it as a stamp accidentally
31:05like just.
31:06Yeah.
31:06It was the way it went.
31:07Fantastic.
31:08And you don't get like a cut.
31:10Do you?
31:10If you have your face on the, you don't get a cut of the.
31:12No, no, unfortunately not.
31:14No.
31:14And then you've got this MBE.
31:16I mean, that's, uh, that's great.
31:18Oh, hang on.
31:18Can I tell you my, my stamp joke that I came up with?
31:21Yes.
31:21Do you know how you can tell it's a comedian on the front of the stamp?
31:25Uh, because it's, um, I don't know.
31:30Because when you lick the back of it, it tastes funny.
31:33It tastes funny.
31:34Yeah.
31:35There you go.
31:37Um, and then this MBE, which is, do you have any kind of qualms about that?
31:42Uh, how do you feel about the Royal Family and sort of Australia and all that?
31:46Well.
31:47You might not want to talk about it publicly because they might want it back.
31:50My first thought when, when the letter came, have you got one?
31:54Haven't you got one?
31:55Apparently you can't get an honour for just feathering your own nest.
32:02They don't give them out for that.
32:04You get a title?
32:05Yeah.
32:05No, I've been too selfish in my life.
32:07Um, uh, so you get a letter and it says, you know, the prime minister would like to
32:13put you forward.
32:14Do you accept?
32:15And my genuinely, my first thought was, can I, as an Australian, am I allowed to have
32:20one of these?
32:20And so I looked, I instantly Googled Australian's MBEs and Kylie's name came up and went, oh,
32:26well, if she's, if she's got one, then I must be allowed to.
32:28Um, and then, okay, this is genuine and this is awful, but this is true.
32:35So I looked what it was for because had it said for services to comedy, I would have
32:41felt really awkward.
32:42Oh, right.
32:43I would have been like, no, I don't, I don't think what I do comedic.
32:47But then it said services to disability.
32:49After Stampgate, particularly after Stampgate.
32:51You can imagine what that old actor would have said about that.
32:54Yeah, right.
32:55I know who you are.
32:57Um, then, and then it said services to Paralympic sport and disability awareness.
33:02And then part, I was like, oh no, I'll accept it for that.
33:05All right.
33:05Okay.
33:06Okay.
33:06I reckon I've done all right there.
33:07So you, cause you kind of accepting it for everyone in a way.
33:10So that, yeah.
33:11Well, I think if it, if it had been for services to comedy, I would have thought, well, I don't
33:15know that I should deserve that above anybody else in this country.
33:19You're a very successful comedian.
33:21Provided.
33:22For you, for example, you've provided more comedically than I have to this country.
33:26But.
33:27Units, units of laughter.
33:29Yes.
33:30But.
33:34No one's counting.
33:35That's the problem.
33:36No one's counting the units of laughter that we're presenting.
33:40But what have you done for disability awareness?
33:43Nothing.
33:43That's your problem right there.
33:44You know, I need to do the odd benefit of as few as I possibly can benefits to maybe
33:49three a year, something like that, just to keep them off my back.
33:53Um.
33:53Maybe if Sarah just had one arm.
33:56Sarah one arm.
33:57Yeah.
33:58Yeah.
33:59But then we'd have to get a one armed actor inside.
34:02Wouldn't we?
34:02Oh yeah.
34:03Good point.
34:03It's confusing.
34:04Not that there is an actor inside.
34:05Mm.
34:06So why isn't that?
34:07It's the Harry Hills Show.
34:11Do you find elderly relatives start to get a bit inappropriate at family gatherings?
34:16Couple of drinks and auntie sends the Gen Z's running for cover.
34:19I never got shunned.
34:22Then you need a can of New Verbal Incontinence Magic Putty.
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34:32immigration and sponger.
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34:39The mildly irritant foam does the rest.
34:41After approximately eight hours, the foam passes harmlessly through the gut and is expelled
34:46in the form of a pellet.
34:47A bit like you get with a Nerf gun.
34:49These pellets, when squeezed, release the bigoted phrases in more appropriate environments,
34:53such as disused outflow pipe at the reservoir, Ditch or Robert Jenrick.
34:57Innovation!
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35:02Buy one and get a free David Gandy cuckoo clock.
35:06Warning, may cause nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea.
35:15Regency Innovations, princely interventions in an uncaring world.
35:20It's time for our theme of the week.
35:28William Wallace.
35:30William Wallace, we're talking about this week and we're joined by Dr.
35:33Erin Lloyd-Jones, who is a medieval and prehistoric archaeologist whose specialisation
35:39is in British history, prehistory and Wales.
35:42Is that right?
35:43That is.
35:43Welcome to the show.
35:44Thanks.
35:45This is Adam Hills, of course, you know.
35:46Good to meet you.
35:47From the show, The Last Leg and various other things.
35:51Now, William Wallace, I confess I know very little and what little knowledge I have about William
35:59Wallace.
35:59He is, of course, from that film that, what's his name, did?
36:04Rolf.
36:05No, who is it?
36:06He's Australian.
36:07Mel Gibson.
36:07Mel Gibson.
36:08Yeah.
36:09Braveheart.
36:09Is that him?
36:10Same guy.
36:11Who was William Wallace?
36:13Well, he was a minor gentry Scottish man who, when England had invaded and occupied Scotland,
36:23fought back and said, no, no, thank you.
36:26That's ours.
36:27And stood up for Scottish freedom and independence.
36:29Right.
36:29So, minor gentry.
36:31I got the idea that he was like a sort of commoner.
36:33That's what the film said.
36:35Right.
36:35There were quite a few things in the film that they embellished and maybe made it into more
36:40of a story that were not quite right, just to make it a bit more film savvy.
36:46It's a better story.
36:47Yeah.
36:47It's a better story if he's come from, you know, from nothing.
36:50But you say minor gentry.
36:51So, was he involved in kind of politics or...
36:57Well...
36:57Feel free to jump in at any time, Adam, of course.
37:00No, I have another question.
37:01After this one, yeah.
37:02No problem.
37:03So, he, minor gentry in Scotland, so he became a knight or so after he did certain things.
37:10But he probably, compared to some of the other lords and lords in Scotland, he was probably
37:17seen as a bit more lower class, I suppose.
37:20Right.
37:21So, when you say, now that I know he's minor gentry, and you say he led the fight, that
37:26makes me think, did he actually fight?
37:28Oh, yeah.
37:29Okay.
37:29Yeah, he was a big warrior and literally big.
37:31He was tall as well.
37:33So, some of the things we know about him, we know are true or we can make an educated
37:38guess that are true.
37:39But he was known for some very bloody battles and literally fighting for Scotland.
37:44And that's one of the reasons why he's held in so much high regard.
37:47Right.
37:48Right.
37:49And when was he operating?
37:50When's all this taking place?
37:51Well, he was born in around, what we think, 1270.
37:55Oh, a long time ago.
37:56Yeah.
37:56We're going back a long time.
37:58Which is why some of the sources we have to rely on are maybe not quite contemporary or
38:04we have to take with a pinch of salt.
38:05And a lot of the time the history is written by the winners.
38:07So, maybe propaganda.
38:09Sorry about that.
38:13You'd have done the same thing.
38:16Yeah.
38:17And then he died by 1305.
38:20So, not a very long life, but he packed a lot in.
38:23Right.
38:24And so, he basically, what was it that he was sort of fighting against?
38:29Was there a specific thing that happened that he was like, oh, right, I'm not standing for
38:33that.
38:33The final kind of straw or?
38:35Well, there might have been a straw that broke the camel's back, really.
38:38But it was Edward I, the king who'd just invaded Wales and occupied Wales and built lots of
38:44castles, set his sights on Scotland.
38:46He'd actually been asked by the Scottish nobility to help them choose the next king.
38:51So, it was kind of in turmoil.
38:52Who would it be?
38:54And also, a lot of the lords in Scotland had land in England as well.
38:59So, it kind of made sort of sense.
39:01But England, Edward I chose a king that he could control.
39:07And then when he fought back, the king, when he fought back a little bit, Edward kicked off,
39:13essentially, and then deposed him.
39:16Had a big battle.
39:17The king of Scotland lost.
39:19Edward stripped him of his insignia, took away the big stone all the Scottish kings
39:26had been crowned on.
39:27Oh, that one that you probably saw it when you were at the coronation.
39:31Oh, yeah.
39:32That stone.
39:32The stone of destiny.
39:33Is that the one?
39:34The stone's gorgeous.
39:36Yeah.
39:36What was the thing?
39:37What is the thing about that stone?
39:39Because it's just a stone.
39:40Is it sort of being worn down or something?
39:42Was it a sort of fancier looking stone at one time?
39:44Slightly offended that you just said to an archaeologist, it's just a stone.
39:51It's never a stone, Harry.
39:53Say what you see.
39:55Yeah.
39:56Was it?
39:56What was the?
39:57Well, it was a large.
40:00It's a big stone.
40:01It's very important.
40:01But one that would have been present for all of the coronations for hundreds of years.
40:06It was, it was a special, special stone.
40:08Right.
40:09It just happened to be there at the, I don't really understand.
40:12It's like, you know, I'm in a throne.
40:14Fine.
40:14But where's the stone?
40:16Get the stone in.
40:17You know, we're crowning this guy.
40:19Get the stone.
40:19Get, you know, it's a, was it just that they happened to be there when they did the first
40:23one and then it became a tradition or?
40:24Gosh, you know what?
40:26I don't, that's another theme of the week.
40:28Oh, okay.
40:29All right.
40:29I'm not sure of the exact answer of how far back the stone of destiny goes.
40:33Right.
40:33All right.
40:33So.
40:34But it was, it was respected.
40:35It was iconic.
40:37It was a thing that was taken away from Scotland and the king was imprisoned.
40:41Um, and so William Wallace and other people then stood up and said, no, we're going to fight
40:48back.
40:49Um, you know, taking over our country.
40:51Right.
40:52So can I ask a question then?
40:53If you have, I'm assuming you've watched Braveheart the movie.
40:56I have not for a long time.
40:57Okay.
40:57When you did, were you kind of watching going that didn't happen?
41:00No, that didn't happen.
41:01No, that's not like that.
41:02There's a, there's a few things that are obviously, um, done that are not correct.
41:09For example, I suppose what I'd say to you is if you picture William Wallace, how would
41:15you see him?
41:17Mel Gibson.
41:19Well, yeah, he didn't look like Mel Gibson.
41:21Well, he could have done actually.
41:22I don't know the answer to that, but what would he have been wearing or what would you
41:26have viewed him?
41:27Probably in the kilts.
41:28Right.
41:29Tartan.
41:30Blue face paint.
41:31Yes.
41:32Blue face paint was, um, earlier ancient Britain.
41:36So maybe a thousand.
41:38Right.
41:38A thousand years earlier.
41:39Oh, he didn't paint himself blue.
41:40Probably not.
41:41It was something that was done by the ancient Britons.
41:44Um, probably not at that point.
41:46And the Smurfs, of course.
41:48Well.
41:51Don't mention them.
41:53Um.
41:54And then tartan and kilts a lot later.
41:56So.
41:57Right.
41:57Oh, wow.
41:58They did have some sort of, you know, um, kind of probably some patterns, uh, woven
42:05clothing, but as kilts and tartan as we know it would have been a lot later.
42:08So.
42:08Right.
42:09But it makes good film.
42:10And so do you feel like, like, was he venerated in Scotland as like clearly more after the movie?
42:16Mm.
42:17But before the movie, did they still see him as a hero?
42:19Or was it afterwards they went, oh yeah, that guy?
42:22No, completely.
42:23Um, he was held in very much high regard.
42:25And this historian, the way he fought and things he did were iconic.
42:30What were some of the things that he did that, uh, sort of.
42:33So his battle tactics were really interesting.
42:35So the first battle he won against the English, um, him and his, uh, I wouldn't say right-hand
42:42man, there were, there were two people to start with who had, uh, the battle of Stirling
42:47Bridge.
42:48Um, and they basically watched the English come, uh, waited for them to cross this bridge
42:53that was very narrow and wooden and took their time and basically waited for them to
42:58cross, charge them and then to pick them off one by one and had, um, had these groups
43:04of knights with pikes in these, we call them kind of hedgehogs, I suppose, shillians,
43:09um, well, they, where they were, um, able to then just pick off the knights one by one.
43:14And it was a very tactical thing to do.
43:16Um, and they won that battle.
43:17Is that because the English like were very organized when they fought?
43:20They were like, right, we'll get across this bridge and then we'll form a line and then
43:23battle will commence.
43:24And when the Scots were like, no, we're just going to kill you whenever we feel like it.
43:28Um, well, they have a stereotype that.
43:30Um, yeah, sorry.
43:35Yes.
43:36Um, well, they needed, they needed to, to, to come across.
43:40That was the only place to cross the river.
43:42Right.
43:42Um, and they, they'd never seen these Shiltons before these, these kind of hedgehog things
43:47were the hedgehogs.
43:48So basically groups of, um, fighters in, uh, packs where they would have had pikes or
43:55spears.
43:56Um, and so they could kind of advance with a bit of length, um, and just pick off the
44:04nights as they were coming in the nights.
44:05The English nights couldn't get back across the bridge because the other nights were coming,
44:08um, coming across the bridge.
44:11So it was all very well done.
44:13Like when someone stops at the top of an escalator and then they don't realize that they're just
44:18holding up everybody else because, and then it just builds up behind them.
44:21Yeah.
44:21It's a good analogy.
44:22There you go.
44:23Very good enough.
44:24Um, and, um, and so they didn't win this.
44:28He didn't win this battle.
44:29Did he?
44:30He did.
44:30That's the battle he won with his, uh, kind of the other, the other night he was fighting
44:36with.
44:37Um, he was called Andrew Murray.
44:39I believe he was very good at tennis.
44:41Um, so they, they won that battle, but unfortunately, um, Murray sustained injuries and died a little
44:47bit later.
44:48But from that battle, uh, William Wallace was, um, made a sir, um, and then became the guardian
44:56of Scotland fighting for the King.
44:58So then he was King of Scotland who'd been deposed, um, John.
45:04Um, so, uh, he then went on to kind of do more battles.
45:09But this point, Edward, the first was the King of England was very, very annoyed.
45:13Um, and so brought a battle up to them personally.
45:16He actually came and then they, they did lose that battle.
45:19Um, and, uh, William had to go on the run.
45:24He escaped.
45:25He escaped then.
45:27He did.
45:27Yeah.
45:28Um, so he disappears for a bit, went into hiding.
45:32Uh, we, you know, he went to France for a little bit because they had an alliance there.
45:38Um, but then when he came back to, to Scotland, unfortunately, somebody dubbed him in essentially
45:44and was, uh, he was caught and then very, very sticky ends, literally sticky.
45:48It was not, not a nice thing to happen.
45:51So, um, so how long was he sort of on the run for?
45:54Uh, seven years.
45:55Oh gosh.
45:55Yeah.
45:56Long time.
45:56So yeah, he'd done well.
45:58Um, but then, uh, not nice ending, but to go back to your question about what kind
46:03of why was he so revered, um, he became almost legendary as well.
46:08And for years after about 150 years later, um, even there was a kind of roaming minstrel
46:15called Blind Harry who wrote a lot about, um, uh, and sang a lot about his, uh, his tactics
46:23and how large he was and basically made him into this legendary figure.
46:29Um, but that just shows that it wasn't just Braveheart that did it, but he became that
46:35there's been a lot of different depictions of.
46:37And there is that Wallace, uh, monument, isn't there?
46:39There is.
46:40Yeah.
46:40Is it Stirling?
46:41It's Stirling.
46:42Yeah.
46:42So that's, yeah, that's, we think where, um, Andrew Murray and William Wallace stood to
46:48watch when the English were advancing.
46:51And then, um, that's a monument was built in the Victorian period.
46:54It, I mean, gosh, it looks, it's beautiful, almost like a fantasy castle.
46:58Um, and was built primarily by public subscription as well.
47:01So the public paid for it.
47:03Um, but it's gorgeous.
47:04And now it houses the, uh, National Wallace, well, it's the National Wallace Monument
47:08and a really good place to go and learn about.
47:10Yeah.
47:11What is, is there anything left of him?
47:12I mean, the sense of, I don't know, fabrics or his writing or stuff.
47:18Yeah.
47:18So you can go there and you can see his sword, which is why we have a good idea that
47:24he was
47:24a very tall man.
47:25Um, the sword itself is almost as long as me, tall as me without the handle.
47:32Um, the handle has been replaced since.
47:34And actually that's an interesting thing that I don't know whether it's legend or not, but
47:38certainly makes a good story.
47:40That, um, after the battle of Stirling Bridge, um, one of his big enemies, uh, he said to
47:45have used the skin of to make a belt, uh, for his sword, which is lovely.
47:51Um, and you mentioned his sticky end.
47:53Oh yeah.
47:54I was interested to hear about that.
47:56Yeah.
47:56All right.
47:57So it is, it's pretty gruesome actually.
48:00So he would have been dragged through the streets of London, probably, I don't know,
48:04six miles by horse.
48:06Um, then he was hung, drawn and quartered, which means even more when you get into what
48:13that actually means.
48:13Um, so he was hung, but cut down before.
48:16Is this a family show?
48:17It's not nice.
48:20Well, I mean, we're not encouraging anyone to go and do this, but I mean, yes, they would
48:26hang you and then cut you into four bits.
48:29Right.
48:29Um, well, more than that, it's, it's a lovely way to end.
48:33So you'd be cut down before you'd actually died.
48:36So you were still conscious, well, semi-conscious.
48:38Then the drawn element is that they'd slit your stomach open, take out your entrails, burn
48:43them in front of you, which is again, a nice thing to do.
48:46Um, and then his head was cut off.
48:49That was dipped in tar, which is the sticky end, um, and stuck on the London bridge.
48:55And then the body was courted and sent to kind of different locations around Scotland
48:59and the north of England to basically warn people that, you know, don't do this again.
49:04Hmm.
49:06Yes.
49:06I'm going to be honest.
49:08The way this show has gone, I'm half expecting a giant character to come out and sing what
49:12you've just told us.
49:13Yeah.
49:14Blind Harry.
49:14Have I ruined something?
49:15No.
49:16Are you heading towards it?
49:17Yeah.
49:17Blind Harry.
49:17When you said Blind Harry, I was like, oh, something's going to happen.
49:20Something's going to be.
49:21No, I mean, that's a beautiful idea.
49:23I wish I'd thought of that.
49:25We're looking, we're looking for writers, Adam.
49:27Um, what, um, and then what happened to his, did he ever, you know, end up all the
49:34bits back together in, in sort of a grave?
49:36Is there a grave?
49:37Uh, no, not as far as I'm aware of.
49:39I think the head will have, we don't know for sure, but probably just.
49:42Plopped off into the river.
49:43Like all of the others.
49:44Yeah.
49:46Well, uh, is there anything further we need to know about William Wallace?
49:51Have we covered all the ground?
49:52Do you think?
49:52Well, my goodness, there's a lot of ground.
49:54Of course.
49:54So we could talk and talk, but, um, they've probably the, oh, gone.
49:58Is it true that he never actually met Robert the Bruce?
50:00Well, they, we, we don't know if they met or not.
50:03Right.
50:03Um, it's, it's not, we don't know.
50:05It's not in the records.
50:06Looks good in the movie though.
50:08Well, he, Robert the Bruce, his grandfather was, um, one who could have been a king.
50:16Uh, he was up against this King John of John Balliol.
50:19He was the one who Edward the first kind of got off the throne.
50:23Um, and then Robert the Bruce, he was very clever because he kind of was tactical about
50:29who he was supporting.
50:30But by the time then that William Wallace, um, had been defeated, he then had his claim
50:38to the throne.
50:39There was another guy, um, who was King John's nephew.
50:43Um, and they got together, they met in a church of an abbey to see if they could kind
50:47of band together to then get rid of Edward the first.
50:51And what happened was Robert the Bruce actually just ended up stabbing him to death and becoming
50:55the sole rival for the crown.
50:57But I mean, that's one way to do it, huh?
50:59Um, and then, uh, had another big battle and won and essentially became King of Scotland.
51:06And it was his then, uh, descendants that became the Stuarts.
51:12Um, and then, so all of our family is actually descended from Robert the Bruce.
51:17Yeah.
51:18I always wonder why that was the Bruce rather than just Robert Bruce.
51:22You know, William Wallace, not William the Wallace.
51:24What was the, we don't know.
51:26Um, well his, his grandfather, yeah, the grandfather was, was known as, we know him as Robert Bruce.
51:31Um, and I don't know the exact answer really, but.
51:35But he was famous of course for that spider, wasn't he?
51:38He's seen the spider's web and, uh, Robert the Bruce, isn't it?
51:41First you don't, isn't it?
51:42You're going up and all that.
51:43Isn't that Robert the Bruce with the spider?
51:46Yes.
51:46I don't know the full story, but yeah.
51:48Yeah.
51:48I don't know about the spider.
51:49He learned something about life from watching a spider spin a web.
51:51Is that right?
51:52Like it keeps trying and it keeps, first you don't succeed.
51:55Try, try, try again.
51:55Isn't it?
51:56That am I?
51:57Yeah.
51:58I don't know.
51:59Yeah.
52:00I was expecting that to turn into a real joke.
52:02No.
52:02It's true.
52:03No, no, no.
52:03I'll look it up.
52:04Definitely.
52:06Well, yeah, I only know that because my, uh, uh, distant ancestor was Robert the Bruce's
52:11cleaner and she got the sack.
52:14She got the sack after that.
52:18Okay.
52:18That was her theme of the week.
52:20It's the Harry Hill Show.
52:22It's time to play What is the Velcro singing?
52:26What is the Velcro singing?
52:29What is the Velcro singing?
52:33What is the Velcro singing?
52:36What is the Velcro singing?
52:38What is the Velcro singing?
52:40What is the Velcro singing?
52:41What is the Velcro singing?
52:42What is the Velcro singing?
52:42So this is just standard.
52:46I mean, it's large format Velcro, Adam,
52:49and the Velcro hopefully is going to sing to us
52:53and it's your job to decide what the Velcro is singing.
52:56I really hope it's a call and response
52:58because I've got Velcro on my prosthetic legs.
53:00Oh, okay.
53:01Yeah, or you could, yeah.
53:02If it's like 24 years I've been living next door to Alice,
53:05I can go, Alice, who the hell is Alice?
53:08Okay.
53:10Well, it's not that.
53:14As I say, we are looking for writers.
53:18Okay.
53:19Okay, here we go then.
53:21Ready?
53:22Yeah.
53:35Recognise it?
53:36It's not Deck the Halls with Bows of Holly, is it?
53:38It's not.
53:40It's just not a bit seasonal.
53:44It's not.
53:45No, it's not that.
53:46Okay.
53:47Do you want to hear it again?
53:48Yes, please.
53:58Ran out of it.
54:00This is, I'll be honest, this is very much like a game I play
54:03with my 12-year-old daughter.
54:05Okay.
54:06Do you want to phone her?
54:10I can't work out what the song is.
54:12No?
54:12No.
54:13Can I have one more?
54:14Yep.
54:16Oh, hang on.
54:31No, I'm afraid I don't know, Harry.
54:33I'm so sorry.
54:33It is Land Down Under by Men at Work.
54:38I come from a man down under.
54:44Can you hear?
54:52Oh, I don't know how I didn't get that.
55:07Herb Rack.
55:08Okay, so that was, what is the Velcro singing?
55:27I've got coriander on me desk.
55:31Gary's Joke Corner.
55:33It's time for Gary's Joke Corner.
55:35And my son, Gary, is here.
55:37Hello, Adam.
55:38Hi, Gary.
55:39Hi there, nice to meet you.
55:40Ooh, very much enjoying the last leg at the moment.
55:45He's a, I let him stay up on a Friday night.
55:47Oh, okay.
55:48I'm only 12.
55:49He's only 12.
55:50Gary is taking over the business from me in 2030.
55:53You know, I'm retiring.
55:54Right, I didn't know that.
55:55Yes, it's true.
55:56And I'm handing it over to him, so he needs jokes.
55:59He's not a natural comedian.
56:00I'm not a natural comedian, really.
56:01I always wanted to be a doctor, didn't I?
56:03But you wouldn't let me, Daddy.
56:05All right, Gary.
56:06Do you have a joke for?
56:07I do.
56:09I do have a joke for Gary.
56:10So, there was an inflatable boy that went to an inflatable school, where all the students
56:14were inflatable, all the teachers were inflatable, all the classrooms were inflatable.
56:20And then one day, he gets into trouble for bringing a pin to school.
56:23And the headmaster says, you've let me down, you've let yourself down, you've let the whole
56:26school down.
56:28That's a great joke.
56:29That's great.
56:30Is that one of yours?
56:30No, it's a joke joke.
56:32It's a great joke.
56:33Have you got a joke for us, Gary?
56:34Yes, I've got a joke for you, Daddy.
56:36Of course I have.
56:36Yeah, Daddy.
56:38I was in a pub with the shorter of the two guys from Inside Number Nine.
56:42Okay, the shorter of the two guys.
56:45Uh, okay.
56:46Um, you know, the one with the dark hair.
56:49Okay, right.
56:50Um, Inside Number Nine.
56:52Yes, okay, Gary.
56:53Anyway, who walks in but the star of Legally Blonde?
56:56Reese Witherspoons?
56:58No, it was the youngest pub we were in.
57:00Which, which one?
57:03The King's Arms in Wandsworth.
57:08It's a bit of work.
57:09Well, that's the sound that tells me we've come to the end of our podscarf.
57:14So all the remains is for us to thank our expert, Dr. Erin Lloyd-Jones, and of course our special
57:19guest, Adam Hills.
57:23Butterfly in blue jeans
57:26Hamster in a chiffon top
57:29Puppy in a poncho
57:33Fluffy duckling with a bob
57:37Butterfly in blue jeans
57:40These are the things of our dreams
57:44Of our dreams
57:46Of our dreams
57:47These are the things
57:49Good night, everyone.
57:50Thanks for watching.
57:51See you next time.
57:53Of our dreams
58:02Right.
58:03Thanks so much.
58:04Thanks so much.
58:04I was more excited to do that than anything.
58:13Well, it's definitely a change from the squirrels, but I'll be honest with you, I'm still not sure.
58:24It's the Harry Hill Show
58:29Harry Hill Show
58:31It's the Harry Hill Show
58:35Harry Hill Show
58:37It's the Harry Hill Show
58:49I'll see you next time.
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