- 13 hours ago
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TVTranscript
00:00:01Hi, my name's Ewing. I like drawing and showing up for the boys.
00:00:05Cut me and I bleed going through the United. Never miss a game.
00:00:10Come on, the geese! Come on, the geese! Come on, the geese! Come on, the geese!
00:00:15What's the score, boys?
00:00:17Ewing, the scoreboard's right there.
00:00:22Technically, they've lost all their games this season.
00:00:24But I'll never give up on the lads.
00:00:26Er, this is the guys pleading with the ref.
00:00:33This, this is the euglet.
00:00:36He's got magical powers.
00:00:38He's taken a vow to help anyone in their time of need.
00:00:42What if the euglet teamed up with Gernsfield United
00:00:45and helped them to win their first football game?
00:00:48Now that is a movie I'd love to see.
00:00:52This is what I love about this country.
00:00:54The devotion. The spirit.
00:00:56England's green and pleasant pastures.
00:00:59This is more than just a feel-good sports movie
00:01:01with a sprinkling of fantasy.
00:01:02This is a boy's wish.
00:01:04We can't let anything stand in our way.
00:01:08That's what we'll do right now.
00:01:17Not the other thing.
00:01:27Let's go, guys!
00:01:28Let's go!
00:01:30Let's go!
00:01:31Stop her, stop her, stop her, he's back to go!
00:01:42I couldn't wait to meet Ewan and find out more about his little green character.
00:01:47We cruised into Gernsfield to catch up with the man of the match himself.
00:01:50Congratulations, Mr O'Donoghue.
00:01:52What are your thoughts on today's selection?
00:01:54Oh, he's real.
00:01:57Oh my god, he's real.
00:01:58You might be riding high after today's fantastic result.
00:02:02Do you have anything to say to the fans at home?
00:02:04Oh my gosh.
00:02:05You're gonna make my movie!
00:02:06Well there you have it.
00:02:07The penny is dropped and the gaffer is speechless.
00:02:10At the end of the day, he's playing a real blind a great vision from the lad himself!
00:02:14Can I do one?
00:02:16Have you got one prepared?
00:02:18Yeah.
00:02:22Sorry mate, I don't think we've got time.
00:02:25It's my moment, mate.
00:02:27Hm?
00:02:30I can't wait to tell the lads about this tomorrow at training.
00:02:33Oh, you going to watch the training as well?
00:02:35Yeah, training's just a curry before kick-off really.
00:02:38You know, they chat about tactics I guess.
00:02:40And I get a goat's health raise here.
00:02:42Oh, um, are your parents around?
00:02:44We just have a few forms we'd like them to sign.
00:02:46My parents?
00:02:47No, they're in Devon.
00:02:49That's right.
00:02:50Devon here, I'll sign it.
00:02:52You know, it's nice to see a bit of paper.
00:02:55Everything's gone all digital, hasn't it?
00:02:57I'll grab a pen.
00:03:02Devon?
00:03:02Goodness me.
00:03:03I'm dying to know more about this little Yug Yug fella.
00:03:06He's quite charming.
00:03:08Really, he is.
00:03:09It's pronounced Yuglet.
00:03:11I'm sorry, it's just that I'm a big fan.
00:03:13I'm still surprised you got the rights.
00:03:15Honsworth is a real bulldog.
00:03:18Hold up, what's happening?
00:03:19What rights?
00:03:21Houston?
00:03:22We have a pen.
00:03:26Uh oh, slight oversight here.
00:03:28It turns out that the Yuglet is actually a quite well known existing English children's
00:03:32book character, created by Sir BBB Honsworth.
00:03:36The Yuglet was voted the third best Britain of all time, has a chain of department stores,
00:03:40two airports named in his honour, and he can be found on the back of every ten pence coin.
00:03:45Suffice to say, Jess had somehow failed to include the Yuglet in my official dossier on the British way of
00:03:51life.
00:03:53I thought I got anything.
00:03:58I hope one day I can forgive her.
00:04:00How can I bring together the people of the Empire if I'm totally ignorant of their beautiful culture?
00:04:05Sam, he's like a national treasure.
00:04:07We had to memorise the books at school, there's 50 of them.
00:04:10I mean, this fella's got a reasonable selection, but he's missing all the classics.
00:04:14The Yuglet takes Rhodesia.
00:04:17Rhodesia?
00:04:17Yeah, that one got me through my divorce.
00:04:19Have you been living under a fucking rock?
00:04:21That's a pretty serious allegation.
00:04:23Man, the Yuglet seems like he has a lot of wisdom.
00:04:25I wish we had him in Australia, instead of Melanie Pelican.
00:04:29Melanie, have you been out in the sun again?
00:04:32God, you are riddled with melanomas!
00:04:36Don't forget to wear sunscreen, kids!
00:04:39Poppins give me the willies.
00:04:40Look, we can just make the movie anyway.
00:04:42We'll just say he's a different kind of gnome.
00:04:44He's a forest friend.
00:04:46Last of the noble order of the elderflower hog imps.
00:04:50Last of his kind.
00:04:52Nice.
00:04:53Is that a serious suggestion?
00:04:55This is BBB Hunsworth.
00:04:57He's going to knock off a mile away.
00:04:58Do you want him to send him the suits?
00:05:00I can't be dealing with the suits.
00:05:02It felt like Ewan's dream was just out of reach.
00:05:06We'd need a miracle to get the rides.
00:05:09Thankfully, I'm in the miracle business.
00:05:12We tracked down BBB Hunsworth at his unlisted country estate.
00:05:18I mean, we should cut our losses.
00:05:20Sam, he hates visitors.
00:05:22Like, hates them.
00:05:23You know, he's not been seen in public since he tried to filibuster the Good Friday Agreement.
00:05:27Listen, I made a promise to that sweet Ewan.
00:05:30Not just to him, but to these British Isles.
00:05:33We all call home.
00:05:36Winnie, don't vomit!
00:05:37Do we have some kitchen roll?
00:05:38Oh, sorry.
00:05:40He's just pre-Huldworth's nose.
00:05:42The man is a god to me.
00:05:44I'll be alright once I'm inside.
00:05:45Inside his house.
00:05:47Jesus.
00:05:48His actual house.
00:05:53Sorry.
00:05:54If only we had some sheets of kitchen roll.
00:05:57Winnie, maybe you should sit this one out.
00:05:59I'll look after him.
00:06:00No!
00:06:01Winnie, you've twice vomited.
00:06:02What if you freak out and get a stiffy?
00:06:04You can't take this away from me, no!
00:06:06Wait outside.
00:06:07Tom!
00:06:09With the only British-born members of the crew recovering outside, we'd have to work hard to assimilate.
00:06:14It was a privilege to see a traditional dipping ceremony up close.
00:06:26I found your email to be morbidly offensive.
00:06:30I'm simply not in the business of prostituting out my beloved Youglet to every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants
00:06:35to make a motion picture.
00:06:37Not after what happened last time.
00:06:39We're trying to grow up!
00:06:41Well...
00:06:42Oh, yes.
00:06:43This is not my first rude you, as those fat Americans say.
00:06:47Thank the Lord we stopped that abomination.
00:06:49Can you believe they put my sweet, nubile Youglet in a baseball cap?
00:06:56Lucky bastard!
00:06:57Oh, what have we doing?
00:06:59Let's get in there, Pat!
00:07:00He can't see me!
00:07:02What?
00:07:03Didn't want to say anything, but I've got a bit of a history.
00:07:07With Hunsworth.
00:07:09Back when I was running game with my uncle Pat.
00:07:11Your uncle's called Pat as well?
00:07:14Everyone in my family is.
00:07:15We slightly borrowed the Youglet's branding for a business venture.
00:07:23You silly bitch!
00:07:26I had tickets for that!
00:07:28Totally ruined my nonsense!
00:07:30These flash new characters with their blue hair and bisexual tofu.
00:07:36That's not who we are!
00:07:39The Youglet is an Englishman.
00:07:42As English as fish and chips.
00:07:44Siggy and a Brompton.
00:07:46A thousand years on the West End.
00:07:47Yes, but...
00:07:48Of course, Johnny Foreigner doesn't get that.
00:07:51Pfft!
00:07:52In truth, the only way that I would green light a Youglet picture
00:07:55is if I knew it was going to be done properly,
00:07:58faithful to the source material,
00:08:00and with an entirely British crew,
00:08:03on screen and behind the camera.
00:08:08Oh, I simply couldn't have put it better myself, my lordship.
00:08:15That's exactly, that's exactly right.
00:08:17To be fair, I'm not being funny.
00:08:20You alright, love?
00:08:21Probably just having our in, actually.
00:08:25Love Stonehenge.
00:08:26Born and raised Stonehenge meself, cafe culture.
00:08:29Absolutely bonkers, oi oi!
00:08:33Don't mind if I use the toilet on the way out?
00:08:37Love to have a go with the bloody toilet.
00:08:50I have no idea.
00:08:52Fellow countrymen.
00:08:56My darlings.
00:08:58Winnie, you weren't wrong.
00:09:00Hornsworth is a true gentleman of the Crumpington Order.
00:09:03His entrustings shall not be in vain.
00:09:06Don't tell me that, at least lie about him.
00:09:08What are you on about?
00:09:08He said yes.
00:09:09You got the rights.
00:09:10We got the rights.
00:09:11I just got my first kiss, right up top.
00:09:14A kiss from Hornsworth.
00:09:17That's it!
00:09:18Let's get back in there!
00:09:21No!
00:09:21Winnie!
00:09:23With Hornsworth's blesser,
00:09:25nothing could stop us from bringing the euglet to the big screen.
00:09:28Now enough classic banter.
00:09:30Time for some footy.
00:09:41Be careful, he's an old dog.
00:09:44What's for lunch then?
00:09:45I'm rather peckish for lunch.
00:09:47Oh, I got sushi.
00:09:48Nah, nah, ditch that.
00:09:50Roast dinner's all round.
00:09:51It's gotta be.
00:09:54He lives.
00:09:56The euglet.
00:09:58Make it go, Sebastian.
00:09:59Fire it up.
00:10:01Sam, I'm a little uneasy about this.
00:10:04Sebastian, you're always going on about puppets.
00:10:06You love puppetry.
00:10:07We may have got our wires crossed a little bit.
00:10:09They are my main phobia of the 12 major phobias.
00:10:14So you, Cliff.
00:10:16Wow, can you speak?
00:10:17Make him, um, make him say my name.
00:10:21Say his name.
00:10:22Say my name.
00:10:23Say my name!
00:10:24Just say it.
00:10:25Right now!
00:10:26Say it!
00:10:27You will say his name!
00:10:28You will say my name!
00:10:29Say his bidding!
00:10:30Say my name!
00:10:31Now!
00:10:37I love you, Ewan.
00:10:41Oh, fuck!
00:10:42That is good.
00:10:44All right, lads.
00:10:45Let's get you into makeup, eh?
00:10:46Can you put a spell on me?
00:10:47Can you fly?
00:10:48All right, fella.
00:10:49My turn.
00:10:51Bring it in, bring it in.
00:10:59Oh.
00:11:02Winnie.
00:11:03Oh.
00:11:13What can I get for you, Missy?
00:11:14Jog on.
00:11:15Oh, that's no way to say hello to your uncle, is it?
00:11:19Enjoyed your article.
00:11:21Always good to see a pat in the paper.
00:11:23You got the keys to the kingdom.
00:11:24Listen.
00:11:25The euklet is ours at last.
00:11:26We're back in business.
00:11:27I don't work for you anymore, Pat.
00:11:29I've gone legit.
00:11:30Who's doing your merch?
00:11:32Knocked up a few samples, I have.
00:11:33Aye?
00:11:34Aye?
00:11:36Let's collab, Pat.
00:11:37I'd have to check the call sheet.
00:11:39I'm not sure we need a two-bit con man who smells like a puddle.
00:11:43You know, I didn't have the time of my life in prison.
00:11:46But they never caught you though, did they?
00:11:48Funny that.
00:11:50Pat, where you at?
00:11:52Sorry.
00:11:53That's my boss.
00:11:55The dog drank a Boddington's.
00:11:56Is that bad?
00:11:57Change your mind.
00:11:59No!
00:11:59Change your mind!
00:12:00Come here!
00:12:01Change your mind!
00:12:02Change your mind!
00:12:03Change your mind!
00:12:04Hey, cheeky.
00:12:05I know what you're thinking.
00:12:07You want an ice cream, don't you?
00:12:09I'll get you one.
00:12:09What do you want?
00:12:10Nah.
00:12:11You know what?
00:12:11Saving myself for this roast.
00:12:15He would probably have been repulsed by me.
00:12:19Another creepy yug head drooling all over him.
00:12:23Oh.
00:12:24You couldn't be more wrong, sir.
00:12:27Mr. Hornsworth would be proud to call you a forest friend.
00:12:32Oh.
00:12:33You see me.
00:12:35What kind of kid doesn't want an ice cream?
00:12:39Excuse me, this is private.
00:12:50There you are.
00:12:57That's different.
00:13:17What is that?
00:13:19What is that?
00:13:19Is that a dog?
00:13:23His name's the Euclid.
00:13:24He wants to help us.
00:13:27Mate, we've got a massive match this month.
00:13:33I think I just found that secret weapon.
00:13:36He's got abilities.
00:14:01I'd like to incorporate a new tactic.
00:14:06Kindness.
00:14:07If the midfielders could just employ a gentle-
00:14:11Sebastian, I can see your mouth moving.
00:14:13It looks fake.
00:14:15Yeah, but I'm not even on screen.
00:14:17You're still doing it.
00:14:19What's the issue?
00:14:20I'm not on camera.
00:14:22Just don't move your mouth when you talk.
00:14:23I think ventriloquism could take years to master.
00:14:27They should really teach it in schools.
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:31Nathan, is it?
00:14:32Quick word?
00:14:36Nobody likes when footballers get political, yeah?
00:14:38Sure.
00:14:40Excuse me?
00:14:42The suits?
00:14:44I can't be dealing with the suits.
00:14:46Sam Campbell?
00:14:48Yeah?
00:14:49You are in breach of copyright law.
00:14:52No, no.
00:14:52There's been a mistake.
00:14:53We had an agreement with Mr. Honsworth.
00:14:55Mr. Honsworth embraced us.
00:14:56A kiss on the top of the head isn't legally binding.
00:14:59Top of the head?
00:15:00Our client is not of sound mind.
00:15:02He couldn't give you the rights even if he wanted to.
00:15:05They belong to the Board of Trustees.
00:15:06Mr. Honsworth only has permission to appear next to the character
00:15:09in his commercials for prescription-strength deodorant.
00:15:13In fact, there are grounds to file a lawsuit against you
00:15:15for mental distress to our client.
00:15:18No comment.
00:15:19I know my rights.
00:15:20My client doesn't have to say anything
00:15:22without also getting to wear a nice suit.
00:15:43I ask that we may call the ploughman's truce.
00:15:46We stand together as brothers.
00:15:49May the sun never set.
00:15:53When the...
00:15:55Meaningless.
00:15:56You have blatantly stolen our client's intellectual property.
00:15:59And that thing will need to be incinerated.
00:16:01Sebastian?
00:16:01Please, professional lawyers.
00:16:03This is all I have.
00:16:04I can't go back to my human form.
00:16:07When are we filming the penalty shootout?
00:16:09Hey?
00:16:09Not Meg!
00:16:11Go on.
00:16:12Tell him.
00:16:12Look this innocent child in the eye!
00:16:15And tell him his movie can't happen
00:16:17because we didn't get a certificate.
00:16:19Whatever it is.
00:16:21Child?
00:16:22What are you all about?
00:16:23Don't cry, Ewan.
00:16:24Don't let these bastards see you cry.
00:16:28I'm faulty.
00:16:30I'm faulty years old.
00:16:34Parents?
00:16:35No, Gavin.
00:16:37Gavin?
00:16:37Fuck!
00:16:40I'm saving myself for this roast.
00:16:44I'm faulty years old.
00:16:48Oh, dear.
00:16:50You're 40?
00:16:51Why do you love the euglet so much?
00:16:53You really are very thick.
00:16:55Do your research, mate.
00:16:56Everyone loves the euglet.
00:16:57Oh, that's right.
00:16:59He's an institution.
00:17:00Come along now, Mr. Honsworth.
00:17:01Please, if you would,
00:17:03could you sign for an old fan?
00:17:07Oh, Christ.
00:17:08Go on.
00:17:08If you're quick.
00:17:09Ah, this young whippersnapper
00:17:11has dug up an old classic.
00:17:12The euglet Fingers of Pygmy.
00:17:15Ah, that was a fun one.
00:17:17Um, where did you get these?
00:17:20Oh, I've had most of these
00:17:21since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
00:17:23I've got the entire collection.
00:17:25The entire collection?
00:17:27Yes.
00:17:28Turns out a few of the old books
00:17:29had some pretty dicey titles,
00:17:31along with some rather troubling inscriptions.
00:17:33I agreed to hand over Winnie's box of evidence
00:17:36in exchange for the rights to the euglet
00:17:38and 12 cases of the prescription-strength deodorant
00:17:41for a friend.
00:17:42Ewan made me realise
00:17:43football isn't about what happens on the pitch.
00:17:45It's about everyone in the terraces
00:17:47supporting their team.
00:17:49I sacked the players and started over.
00:17:52This one is for the fans.
00:18:06Big game on Sunday.
00:18:08So we thought we might pay a little visit
00:18:10to the ref.
00:18:12Ever since the euglet took over the firm
00:18:14we've been a bit more hands-on
00:18:16with our school.
00:18:22There he is!
00:18:25Football!
00:18:26Yeah!
00:18:29Shame we had to ditch the Greenfield boys.
00:18:31Jess, you still have so much to learn.
00:18:33Those guys are born losers.
00:18:35They'll never be legendary footballers
00:18:37like Messi
00:18:39or Ronaldo.
00:18:41Ah, looks like you're a bit quick
00:18:42to judge your Uncle Pat-Pat.
00:18:44But, Winnie,
00:18:45that man lives by the code of the fairground.
00:18:49The fan must have given him something.
00:18:55Well, there you have it.
00:18:57The Geeks have earned a well-deserved quarter.
00:18:59There will be celebrations in Gernsville tonight.
00:19:02That'll be £6.50, please, mate.
00:19:12I didn't realise these pints were
00:19:14for the euglet.
00:19:16These are on the house.
00:19:41The Geeks have earned a well-deserved comments in the house.
00:19:45and proud, the Reeks do not Bamboo!
00:19:47Whatever shall be sweet.
00:19:53More suit.
00:19:54What now?
00:19:56Sam Campbell.
00:19:57Hello.
00:19:58We've seen what you've done.
00:20:02We're from the Home Office.
00:20:04We would like to offer you full British citizenship.
00:20:10I accept this honour.
00:20:12Everything I do is to further the British cause.
00:20:21Oh, Britannia.
00:20:23Britannia rules are ways.
00:20:25Britain, heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven, trough, he's saved.
00:20:38Look, Dad, it's the U-Glu.
00:20:41Hello, Dad.
00:20:42Hello, boy.
00:20:43Are you ready to eat some nice ice cream?
00:20:45Oi!
00:20:46I can still see your fucking lips moving, mate.
00:20:48It looks fake.
00:20:51Pardon me.
00:20:53My name is Kabir.
00:20:54I'm a chauffeur with 65,000 miles on the clock.
00:20:59I am discreet.
00:21:02The man I help is Mr. Ebron Archer.
00:21:05If I can choose anybody whose my job is to drive, I will choose him.
00:21:11Morning, Kabir.
00:21:12Morning, Mr. Ebron Archer.
00:21:21He's such a great man.
00:21:23He never raises his voice, and he never throw his food out of the window.
00:21:30Lately, Mr. Ebron Archer is recovering from medical experience heart attack.
00:21:35I asked them if they could cut my heart out, give it to him, but this was not allowed.
00:21:42His doctor tells him he must slow down.
00:21:46Please create a movie about Mr. Ebron Archer's amazing life story.
00:21:51You would be making a humble driver and a private equity fund manager very happy indeed.
00:22:00What a heartwarming person.
00:22:03Gee, it's not often you see somebody who admires their boss so much they want to make a movie for
00:22:06them.
00:22:06I don't trust him.
00:22:08What?
00:22:09He's as cute as a peach pie.
00:22:11No, old money bags.
00:22:13Rich people give me the creeps.
00:22:38Shaka!
00:22:39Shaka!
00:22:40Shaka!
00:22:41Kick me!
00:22:42Kick me!
00:22:42Kick me!
00:22:51With Mr. Eblen Archer away for the week on business, we decided to surprise Kabir with
00:22:55a luxury drive in a limousine.
00:22:58This time, he'll be travelling in the back of the car.
00:23:08Treat yourself to some nibbles.
00:23:11Take off your gloves.
00:23:12Oh, no, no, no.
00:23:14Never.
00:23:16Fascinating to see how the other half live.
00:23:19Alright for some, eh?
00:23:20Your parents own a Fortune 500 company.
00:23:25So give us the lowdown on Mr. Eblen Archer.
00:23:28He's a great man.
00:23:29He even let me drive Uber over the weekend.
00:23:32Great boss.
00:23:33I suppose we're similar in that way.
00:23:35I'm always encouraging my crew to work on their own personal projects.
00:23:40Give us everything.
00:23:42What are his hobbies?
00:23:43Oh, I couldn't possibly tell you that.
00:23:45It's a need to know basis.
00:23:47I would like to know.
00:23:48We're trying to tell his life story.
00:23:51What about, what's Mr. Eblen Archer's first name?
00:23:55Stop.
00:23:56That's confidential information.
00:23:57He's a very private person.
00:23:59You don't have to protect him, Kabir.
00:24:02It's obvious he's in the new world order.
00:24:07Really?
00:24:08It's disgusting.
00:24:10They all have these symbols.
00:24:11One of them wears a mask.
00:24:13There was a YouTube video about it, but it got taken down.
00:24:16Who took it down?
00:24:17Nobody knows.
00:24:18So they meet up.
00:24:20They meet up.
00:24:21I really like this angle.
00:24:22This is good.
00:24:23It's juicy.
00:24:24They get undressed.
00:24:25And they piss everywhere.
00:24:27No.
00:24:27And they lie down really, really close to the piss.
00:24:31And they close their eyes.
00:24:33And they start rubbing each other's lumps.
00:24:35And then they start...
00:24:36They start...
00:24:37And then they move.
00:24:39And there's a tube.
00:24:40And it makes some of the piss black.
00:24:44I'm sorry.
00:24:45I thought I was telling you about it.
00:24:47Yeah, yeah.
00:24:47That's what I mean.
00:24:48Because they don't want us to know.
00:24:51It's a bit far-fetched to me.
00:24:52I think you might have gone down a YouTube rabbit hole.
00:24:55Your parents are probably involved.
00:24:57Yeah, I bet they eat raw meat out of each other's assholes.
00:25:00Sebastian, that is disgusting.
00:25:02There's no evidence of that.
00:25:04Some posh shows took me to a nightclub once.
00:25:07I went to the toilet.
00:25:09And you won't believe it.
00:25:10Up on the wall.
00:25:11A condom machine.
00:25:14I bet your boss has made it in all sorts of sordid clubs.
00:25:17I mean, he owned the wolf club.
00:25:25Forget it what I said.
00:25:26With a little persuasion,
00:25:28Kabir led us to Mr. Ebn Archer's Fortress of Perversion.
00:25:32While I infiltrated the inner sanctum,
00:25:34Jess was fixating on an offhand comment.
00:25:36How cool is it that Sam wants us to work on our own stuff?
00:25:39Oh, he's so compassionate.
00:25:41Why can't you just give us a pay rise?
00:25:44You get paid?
00:25:46Not until February next year.
00:25:48That's right.
00:25:49Uh-huh. Okay.
00:25:50All right, then. Goodbye.
00:25:53And what do we have here?
00:25:54A symbol.
00:25:55A floor swastika.
00:25:56A clue.
00:25:58Come here.
00:25:58What's all this?
00:25:59Relax.
00:26:00We just need to film an expose about Mr. Ebn Archer.
00:26:02An expose about Mr. Ebn Archer?
00:26:05I'm sorry.
00:26:06I meant to say a charming biopic about Mr. Ebn Archer.
00:26:09Mr. Ebn Archer hasn't notified us of any film crews.
00:26:12We do surprises.
00:26:13Well, the club is members only.
00:26:15If that isn't proof of disgusting scrotum-based pedophile rituals,
00:26:20I'm not sure what is.
00:26:21We shall become members.
00:26:24That would involve a rather substantial fee.
00:26:27Never you mind.
00:26:28The fee is something we can certainly provide.
00:26:34One moment.
00:26:38I'm thinking I'm going to show him Eleanor's Birdbath.
00:26:42I wonder, do you think maybe he'd give me feedback on it?
00:26:46Who the fuck is Eleanor Birdbath?
00:26:52My short film.
00:26:53Eleanor's Birdbath.
00:26:57You guys said you'd read it.
00:27:01Oh! Eleanor's Birdbath.
00:27:03I was so sorry, Jessie.
00:27:05I thought you said something wildly different.
00:27:08Now's your chance.
00:27:09Where's Sebastian?
00:27:10As per usual, Sebastian had wandered off
00:27:13and been hit in the face by a golf ball.
00:27:15Sorry!
00:27:16I shouted at Intermovie, but he just stood there.
00:27:20How long was I out for?
00:27:22Did you finish the movie?
00:27:23Was it fun?
00:27:25Sebastian, we've just arrived.
00:27:27We've only been here ten minutes.
00:27:28Oh, neat.
00:27:29In that case, I was thinking maybe I could try and be the director this week.
00:27:33The director?
00:27:34Yeah, what do you say?
00:27:35I think I'm ready to step up.
00:27:37What an intriguing concept.
00:27:39Ooh, I do worry it might be difficult to insure you
00:27:42now that you've got a brain injury.
00:27:45What about...
00:27:50Smoke...smoke machine?
00:27:52Mmm, smoke machine.
00:27:53It's a pretty important job.
00:27:55No, it's not.
00:27:56I want to sit in the nice chair.
00:27:57I need your dad's credit card.
00:28:02What happened to your wallet?
00:28:04You've got to stop keeping it loose.
00:28:06Oh, loosey-goosey.
00:28:09Your additional donation is very generous.
00:28:12It is our policy to conduct a background check.
00:28:14No problem.
00:28:17Very nice.
00:28:18We want all access here.
00:28:20All the secret entrances.
00:28:21Well, I'm happy for you to film everywhere except the function room.
00:28:24We're setting up for our big corporate weekender.
00:28:26Eh?
00:28:26Every year we honour our top performing executives.
00:28:30So you're telling me this place will be swarming with epstillions?
00:28:33Ep-stillions?
00:28:34Half Epstein, half Reptilian.
00:28:36No, I'm not saying that.
00:28:38Why not?
00:28:38What?
00:28:40Pretty interesting article.
00:28:42Yes.
00:28:43He almost hit the hole in one.
00:28:45Hmm.
00:28:47Who's that?
00:28:48Bert.
00:28:50Bert?
00:28:51His father done everything for him.
00:28:53He is a disgraceful, shameful Bert.
00:28:58And who's that?
00:29:00Cartoon.
00:29:02Hey, I've been meaning to ask.
00:29:04You know how before, in the limo...
00:29:06Oh my God.
00:29:07When he was stuffing his face?
00:29:09That was hard to watch.
00:29:13We've got to be so careful.
00:29:14I'm worried if any of these global elites even see him,
00:29:17they'll lose their sexual appetites entirely.
00:29:20I meant the personal project.
00:29:22I mean, he's not traditionally fugly,
00:29:24but he's a bit of a mood killer.
00:29:25I could try covering him with a blanket.
00:29:29Jess.
00:29:30Brilliant.
00:29:33To expose the evil underbelly of the golf club,
00:29:36we needed to go deep undercover.
00:29:38G'day.
00:29:39Not sure we've been introduced.
00:29:41I'm Baby Murdoch.
00:29:43Bit of a billionaire, if I may say so myself.
00:29:47May I offer you an oyster, sir?
00:29:51No, thank you.
00:29:52That's very kind.
00:29:55This is my butler, Smidgen.
00:29:57Well done, Smidgen.
00:29:59Lovely to meet you.
00:30:00I take it you're here for the ceremony.
00:30:02What ceremony?
00:30:04Hey!
00:30:04My nanny.
00:30:05Miss Thwickert.
00:30:07The highest performing CEO awards?
00:30:09Always a bit dry, aren't they?
00:30:11Yeah.
00:30:12Might duck my head in.
00:30:14Listen.
00:30:14Just between you and I,
00:30:16I'm desperate to unwind.
00:30:18My fifth wife.
00:30:20She's a real ball buster.
00:30:24Yes.
00:30:24I'm his wife.
00:30:26Daniella Rochella Sinclair.
00:30:27And I hope you don't mind,
00:30:29but I slept my way to the top.
00:30:32And that's just a blanket, I'm pretty sure.
00:30:36Well, who runs this place?
00:30:38Eblen Archer.
00:30:39Do you know him?
00:30:40What's he into?
00:30:41Does he like smearing?
00:30:43Injecting things up his gooch hole?
00:30:45No, it's not like that.
00:30:46It's more sacrifices,
00:30:49demon meetups,
00:30:49long wavy knives.
00:30:51Ahem.
00:30:51Miss Thwickert.
00:30:53Governor.
00:30:54He mostly keeps to himself.
00:30:57Andrew,
00:30:57do you know if Eblen Archer's into anything spicy?
00:31:01Hmm.
00:31:02Well, I can't say I've ever chatted to the man.
00:31:04His son seems to be going for a bit of a rough patch at the moment.
00:31:08Oh.
00:31:09Hello.
00:31:11Sorry, I think we met before.
00:31:12Don't remember that.
00:31:14Oh.
00:31:15Sorry, do you mind not doing that?
00:31:16Okay.
00:31:18I'm not here to play games.
00:31:19Well, all I can say about the man is he did have that, um,
00:31:24thing installed.
00:31:25Oh, yes.
00:31:26The machine that, uh,
00:31:28spins around.
00:31:35It allows driver to come in and out of the car park without having to manually turn the car around.
00:31:41Mr. Eblen Archer is very proud of the car turn table.
00:31:45But what happens when you press the other button?
00:31:49Uh, probably slides across to reveal something.
00:31:52Underground suck palace.
00:31:53No, no.
00:31:54It's more likely it's a secret temple filled with bowls of blood.
00:31:58I don't think so.
00:31:59I believe it's a suckatorium with thousands of Alipatian guards.
00:32:02And they come over.
00:32:03Just make this stuff up.
00:32:05I've actually researched it online.
00:32:17It just went the other way.
00:32:19Time for some ads.
00:32:20And by the way, actually get some of these products.
00:32:22These are high quality products.
00:32:35I'm not seeing any smoke.
00:32:38I think it's broken.
00:32:40Can we swap?
00:32:41No, Sebastian.
00:32:42Alright, cut there.
00:32:44It looks really good.
00:32:46The most boring man in the world getting driven around by the second most boring man in the world.
00:32:50Who wants to watch that?
00:32:52Um, hey.
00:32:54I was wondering.
00:32:55Why are you shaking?
00:32:56Uh, sorry.
00:32:57I accidentally wrote a short film.
00:32:58Um, Eleanor's Bird Bath.
00:33:01Probably nothing, but I would just, um, I would love some notes on it.
00:33:04Would you look at it?
00:33:06This is a short film.
00:33:07It's as thick as the Holy Bible.
00:33:09I'll trim it down.
00:33:10Thank you so, so much.
00:33:12Can you give Dipstick a hand?
00:33:16Do you understand the metaphor?
00:33:19The sparrow is in fact the spirit of Eleanor's dead fiancée.
00:33:23Sebastian, press the button.
00:33:24You're running it!
00:33:27Kabir, how do you feel about trying some dialogue?
00:33:30Mr. Ablin Archer prefers silence.
00:33:33He prefers silence?
00:33:35Well, we'd love you to say something.
00:33:38Like what?
00:33:39Anything.
00:33:53I've never done this before.
00:33:55Just talk! Improvise!
00:33:58Fu-futurama?
00:34:01Soft drink?
00:34:02That's what you say is Futurama and soft drink?
00:34:07We need to get him some training.
00:34:09ASAP!
00:34:10We were forced to enrol Kabir in a level one improv course.
00:34:13Marty's the best!
00:34:14And then just repeat after me.
00:34:16Wah-wah!
00:34:17Wah-wah!
00:34:18Wah-wah!
00:34:18Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!
00:34:20Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!
00:34:22I just...
00:34:22Ooooo!
00:34:24Ooooo!
00:34:26Ooooo!
00:34:27Yes, yes, but it is rather large.
00:34:30I'm sorry sir, we only make big clocks.
00:34:32Yes, you do, but I only came in for a scale and polish.
00:34:37I'm always adding stuff like that.
00:34:39Action!
00:34:40Yes, and did you hear about the person who bought an alarm clock that was too big?
00:34:44No, tell me more.
00:34:46First of all, they bought it from a dentist.
00:34:52Very funny for a dentist to sell an alarm clock instead of the teeth.
00:34:58Sebastian, easy on the smoke.
00:35:02Hey, turn it off!
00:35:04I'm trying!
00:35:05Sebastian!
00:35:06I can't!
00:35:07Turn it off!
00:35:13Let's just lose the smoke machine.
00:35:15Why would there even be smoke inside the car?
00:35:17Right?
00:35:19What do I do then?
00:35:22Maybe we can co-direct?
00:35:23Safdie Brothers style.
00:35:24Might be best you sit this one out, buddy.
00:35:35How can we liven this up?
00:35:37What do you think, Winnie?
00:35:38Should we go handheld?
00:35:43Let's just scrap this scene.
00:35:44It's not working.
00:35:45It's a turd!
00:35:46We'll get an early start tomorrow.
00:35:48Big finale.
00:35:49The heart attack.
00:35:50Oh, absolutely not.
00:35:52It's much too personal.
00:35:55He wouldn't want that to be in the movie.
00:35:59Give me another quick word.
00:36:01How can I make a bottle of wine?
00:36:02If you won't give me a single grape!
00:36:05I'm sorry, Mr. Director.
00:36:07I felt bad for shouting.
00:36:09And grabbing.
00:36:10But I wasn't the only one feeling frustrated.
00:36:12Sebastian was drowning his sorrows.
00:36:14Bartender.
00:36:15Fetch me another sack.
00:36:17Yes, sir.
00:36:20Yo, three more scotch and whiskies, please.
00:36:23Neat.
00:36:24Very well, Mr. Edlin Archer.
00:36:26You're the one they call Bert?
00:36:29That's right.
00:36:30Have you been watching me?
00:36:33You don't work for my dad, do you?
00:36:35No.
00:36:36Apparently I'm not allowed.
00:36:39These are on me, by the way.
00:36:45Bro, you know what's really funny?
00:36:47I used to have that same credit card.
00:36:49But then my dad took it for me.
00:36:55I think I like you.
00:37:01Bro, we have a great deal in common, I tell you that.
00:37:04If anything, my parents are holding me back.
00:37:06Sam acts like their money is the only reason I'm on the team.
00:37:10The only reason I'm not in charge is the green-eyed monster,
00:37:14aka Jealousy.
00:37:15My dad is always riding me too hard.
00:37:19One time, I got so angry about it,
00:37:21I tried to punch a hole in my own head.
00:37:25And that's when they tried to lock me up,
00:37:27aka send me to art therapy class.
00:37:30What does that mean?
00:37:31I'll show you, bro.
00:37:35You make these?
00:37:37Yo.
00:37:39They're fascinating.
00:37:40Thank you, bro.
00:37:42One day my dream is to become an amazing sculptor.
00:37:44Like Michelangelo.
00:37:45You know him?
00:37:47What's funny is I showed my dad these,
00:37:50and I told him I wanted to leave the family business,
00:37:54and he had a heart attack, man.
00:37:56Imagine that?
00:37:58Basically, no one is rocking with me anymore because of that.
00:38:00It's not actually your fault.
00:38:03Nobody should live in someone else's shadow.
00:38:05From what I've researched and what I know,
00:38:07shadow is the absence of light.
00:38:10You're a good guy.
00:38:12Let's do another round, Ricky. Let's go.
00:38:14Come on, boys. I really need to close up.
00:38:16Ricky, I don't want to be a douchebag, man, but my dad kind of owns you, right?
00:38:20Right.
00:38:21Right, Ricky?
00:38:22That is right, yeah.
00:38:24So get us some more drinks, please.
00:38:26Right you are.
00:38:27And get some cheese for the boy.
00:38:29The next morning I was at an all-time low.
00:38:32I was starting to wonder if there was even a single pedophile at the club.
00:38:36Hey, chin up.
00:38:38There's got to be one of this thing tonight.
00:38:41Thanks, Pat.
00:38:43Yeah.
00:38:44Surely there's a pedophile here.
00:38:46Pedophile.
00:38:48Pedophile.
00:38:49Pedophile.
00:38:50Pedophile.
00:38:51They've got very close-set eyes.
00:38:52No.
00:38:52They're sensitive to light.
00:38:53Uh-uh.
00:38:54What long necks?
00:38:55They're very misunderstood.
00:38:57I'm going to have to come clean here.
00:38:59Hadn't really done our homework on this one.
00:39:02My team and I have since gone through a series of briefings about this community.
00:39:05From our employers at Channel 4, who are not pedophiles.
00:39:10Hey, Tim. I made some amends to my script.
00:39:12I thought you were going to cut it down.
00:39:13Yeah, I tried.
00:39:14But then I had an idea for a subplot with the gardener.
00:39:17I've got time.
00:39:17You should read it now.
00:39:22Why not?
00:39:29Jack's bread bath.
00:39:30Nice.
00:39:33Oh.
00:39:34Why didn't I think of that?
00:39:36Looks like we were onto something.
00:39:38Some bastards nicked my camera.
00:39:42The culprit?
00:39:44Sebastian.
00:39:45He was developing a nasty habit of lying on the ground in disgrace.
00:39:49Oh.
00:39:50Me thinks a bender.
00:39:52Huh?
00:39:52We've all been there.
00:39:55Sebastian.
00:39:56I'm livid.
00:39:58I'm ashamed.
00:39:59Hey, what's up, guys?
00:40:01I'm Bert.
00:40:02You've been playing with my tackle.
00:40:08Bro, you're kind of nice with the camera, man.
00:40:10I play with it when people are sleeping, man.
00:40:12You didn't get permission for this.
00:40:14Yo, Ricky, get on this shit.
00:40:15Try it.
00:40:16Ricky.
00:40:21This is creepy.
00:40:23This is creepy.
00:40:31Bro, I don't know if I like...
00:40:33I don't know if I like what you're doing there.
00:40:34Don't be sucking on me.
00:40:37Nasty, nasty.
00:40:38Bro, I got an idea.
00:40:40Let's go make something, bro.
00:40:41I thought we had an agreement!
00:40:43I want that thing out of there.
00:40:45What?
00:40:53What is this?
00:40:54A big red breast?
00:40:56Commander for you.
00:40:58That's it.
00:40:58No more personal projects.
00:41:06And who is this?
00:41:08Kabir, no, no, no, let's look at that harness.
00:41:10Don't look at that.
00:41:12I'll give you £400 for it.
00:41:14More if you can get me the full pair.
00:41:16£1,000.
00:41:18It makes me rock hard.
00:41:21£1,500 with VAT.
00:41:23Henderson, I need this more than you do.
00:41:24£2,000.
00:41:26£800.
00:41:27That's less.
00:41:28So what?
00:41:29£5,000.
00:41:34Daddy?
00:41:38Sebastian, that's their moment, I think.
00:41:39So basically, Mr. Eblen Archer's meeting in Zurich got pushed back.
00:41:44He flew home and ruined our surprise.
00:41:46We didn't get a chance to finish the movie.
00:41:48So we had to make do with Sebastian's footage.
00:41:51I hate you!
00:41:53I hate you!
00:41:55Die!
00:41:56Die!
00:41:57Die!
00:41:58Mr. Eblen Archer said that Kabir had crossed the line.
00:42:01And sadly, made the decision to let him go.
00:42:05But what a send off.
00:42:19I believe in miracles.
00:42:23They happen all the time.
00:42:28I try to make a movie for you.
00:42:33All about your life.
00:42:37And in your mind, I'm driving.
00:42:40And you're there right behind me.
00:42:42Going fast downtown.
00:42:43With the windows down.
00:42:46People passing by saying,
00:42:49Hey, I like that guy.
00:42:50But we can't stop.
00:42:52We've got somewhere to be.
00:42:56We've got somewhere to be.
00:43:02We've got somewhere to be.
00:43:09This is a very special episode of Make That Movie.
00:43:14Last night, authorities were alerted to what has now been classified
00:43:16as a national emergency.
00:43:18A young couple, identified as Philip and Robin Noonan,
00:43:22were taking part in a commercial tour of the Crenly Grotto Caves.
00:43:26After becoming separated from their group,
00:43:28a flash flood has left the newlyweds trapped underground.
00:43:32A full-scale rescue operation is currently underway.
00:43:35Every second counts.
00:43:37I have been chosen to make an original movie for the couple
00:43:41to lift their spirits as they fight for their lives.
00:43:45Noonans, you are not alone.
00:43:53I know this wasn't in the diary, but this is a big one.
00:43:56It's all over the news.
00:43:58It's actually a very shocking situation.
00:44:00Please be respectful.
00:44:02So sorry about that.
00:44:04Sorry, my sisters.
00:44:05I was supposed to meet them at the airport.
00:44:07Huh?
00:44:08No, it's nothing.
00:44:09We were just going to hike the Camino de Santiago.
00:44:11This kind of pilgrimage thing.
00:44:13Stupid.
00:44:14Oh, you've been planning that for months.
00:44:18All nine sisters taking the Camino.
00:44:21Yeah.
00:44:22This fucking job.
00:44:24Oh, spare me.
00:44:25There's going to be other bottomless brunches, Pat.
00:44:28Yeah, whatever.
00:44:29Let's get a move on.
00:44:30Can I use the toilet real quick?
00:44:32Sebastian, they said if it rains again they'll definitely die.
00:44:34Why?
00:44:35Of course.
00:44:36Come on.
00:44:37I'm sorry.
00:44:37The, the, the, the, the, the number one.
00:44:57What a hell?
00:44:57Don't go all day.
00:44:59Fuck you!
00:45:00Oh man, I got the shit, girl!
00:45:10Time was of the essence as we descended upon the rescue site.
00:45:14The emergency response team could breathe a sigh of relief.
00:45:18The cavalry had arrived, and they were cave ready.
00:45:28First things first, I needed to strategise with the head of the operation, Dina, a lady
00:45:33who I believe is some sort of dirt scientist.
00:45:36Hard to say, really.
00:45:37Okay, so we've established a pilot sharp crew to deliver food, water and medicine.
00:45:41Now the decision we need to land on is whether or not we expand the passage from above, or
00:45:45we drill through the rock to the eastern side of the cave.
00:45:47Question, how loud is this drilling going to be?
00:45:51You're the movie guy who unplugged the generator.
00:45:53You should get one with more sockets.
00:45:55Yeah, can I ask who requested your department's involvement?
00:45:58It came from the top.
00:46:00Are you from New Zealand?
00:46:03Dina, we've got picture.
00:46:05Okay.
00:46:07Where are we going?
00:46:09A hydraulic winch can pull three tons, it's the best in the world.
00:46:13And who's looking after Apricot?
00:46:15Oh, is Apricot okay?
00:46:16Is he scared?
00:46:17Apricot, is that a pet?
00:46:20Hello?
00:46:21Apologies for that.
00:46:22We're daisy chaining the transmitters.
00:46:24Can you hear us?
00:46:25It's coming.
00:46:26Nenans, how are you holding up?
00:46:28We're surviving.
00:46:30I love that.
00:46:31I'm Sam Campbell, head of entertainment on this one.
00:46:34I'm going to be making a movie for you guys.
00:46:37Keep you going down there.
00:46:38That is actually not something we...
00:46:39Oh, wow.
00:46:41Hello?
00:46:41Hello?
00:46:42The connection keeps dropping.
00:46:44Is that better?
00:46:45Hot chocolate.
00:46:46For you.
00:46:47You should have just gone back to Disneyland Paris.
00:46:49Look, this briefing is for essential contributors, so you and your team need to leave.
00:46:53Dina!
00:46:54Where are the toilets up in this cave?
00:46:57Hey, the people!
00:46:59I can't believe what's happening to you.
00:47:01Very shocking.
00:47:02I swear, I'm suing that tour guide.
00:47:05Look, it's very important that you tell me what the diameter...
00:47:08They say anywhere on the website we weren't allowed to be barefoot in the cave.
00:47:11Barefoot?
00:47:14It's a human, right?
00:47:15Okay, I'm going to have to interject here.
00:47:17There's medical research.
00:47:18People who choose to wear shoes often have weaker, deformed feet.
00:47:22They resent us.
00:47:23It's getting harder and harder to coexist with the shoe community.
00:47:26I wish someone told me I'd be talking to some fellow barefooters.
00:47:29Oh, my God.
00:47:31No way.
00:47:32He was just wearing shoes.
00:47:33I don't think so.
00:47:34I've been a barefooter for 15 years.
00:47:36Never looked back.
00:47:37Wait, is the movie going to be about the corpse?
00:47:39No, nobody is making a movie, okay?
00:47:42We can send you down a movie that already exists.
00:47:45What are you into?
00:47:46Moana 2?
00:47:48We've already seen it.
00:47:49If my memory serves me correctly, I believe Moana is barefoot.
00:47:55I like the sound of this guy.
00:47:57He sounds playful.
00:47:58So, will our movie be animated?
00:48:01What's the idea?
00:48:02The idea?
00:48:06What were we thinking?
00:48:09Oh, um...
00:48:10So, so it's a movie, it's definitely about feet.
00:48:12It's a, and it's a family of feet.
00:48:14And they are going on a journey.
00:48:16And then they, all of a sudden, there's this hand and a giant.
00:48:20End up, this giant hand is a really mean hand.
00:48:22And then it comes up to them and then it says, you're going to wear shoes.
00:48:26And then they go, no!
00:48:28So then there's a big fight, but the shoes lose and the feet win.
00:48:36Thank you so much.
00:48:39You ever been to Costa Coffee?
00:48:41Yeah.
00:48:42You know how they got the big cup outside?
00:48:46Mm-hmm.
00:48:47I once got trapped inside of one of those.
00:48:51Yeah.
00:48:52We've lost the feet.
00:48:53Oh!
00:48:56How have you been?
00:48:58While I said about installing Final Draft on Dina's special computers, Pat took a quick breather above ground.
00:49:05And who's this?
00:49:08I'll borrow your lighter.
00:49:12Do you want a cigarette?
00:49:14I don't touch it.
00:49:16I try and stare at an open flame at least once a day.
00:49:22I'm Apricot.
00:49:23Hat.
00:49:25So what, are you a friend of the Noonans or...?
00:49:27Bit more than that.
00:49:29I'm their third.
00:49:31We're in a polycule.
00:49:33Oldable phrase.
00:49:34Cheers.
00:49:36So, do you think they'll get out of there or what?
00:49:38You know, I've got couples already sniffing around.
00:49:42Apricot!
00:49:42I heard you're back on the market.
00:49:45Why don't you show us a good time?
00:49:48Careful, there's broken glass.
00:49:52One day...
00:49:55It wasn't just the Noonans' loved ones holding their breath.
00:49:58It seemed like the whole world was watching our mission unfold.
00:50:01The movie's already getting a ton of buzz.
00:50:03The Barefoot Brigade are really getting behind us.
00:50:06Look at all these messages.
00:50:07I mean, you did hold a press conference.
00:50:09Even Barefoot celebrities are reaching out.
00:50:11They want to help in any way they can.
00:50:13I thought our thing was working with regular people.
00:50:16Ooh.
00:50:17Mind you to have a quick word with Winnie.
00:50:23Do you hear?
00:50:24They want a cartoon.
00:50:26Anything is possible in the world of animation.
00:50:31Yeah, it hurts my eyes.
00:50:32Winnie, just real quick.
00:50:33Sam, I need you to stand down.
00:50:35Jesse, what are you on about?
00:50:36I'm really sorry.
00:50:38Just a second.
00:50:39Might not be my wheelhouse, but I can do some coloring in.
00:50:43The Barefoot Defense League have done some digging.
00:50:45And they found out you worked at Foot Locker.
00:50:48Winnie?
00:50:48Is that true?
00:50:49I did one trial shift during COVID.
00:50:52I was at a loose end.
00:50:55You can't do this.
00:50:57Please.
00:50:58Where will I go?
00:50:59It's my life, kiddo.
00:51:02You're all mad.
00:51:06I'll show you.
00:51:08How's that?
00:51:10This guy, Sebastian, has always rubbed me the wrong way, but his foot was perfect.
00:51:15Yeah, I'm having more fun with it.
00:51:16I installed him as chief concept artist and set about filling out our animation division.
00:51:22Now, I'm not asking anyone to jump ship.
00:51:24God, no.
00:51:25But when was the last time you just drew something for fun?
00:51:28Remember when you were a kid?
00:51:29Box of crayons, that's all we needed.
00:51:31Mum's so proud, she whacks it on the fridge.
00:51:33I started making a graphic novel when I was at uni.
00:51:35Excuse me, that's amazing.
00:51:37If you've got a window, I'd love to see you have a crack at a storyboard.
00:51:40Why do they call it a storyboard?
00:51:42If it's a great story, I'm never bored.
00:51:46Sebastian, people are in the cave.
00:51:49I'm going to need you to return to your allocated nook.
00:51:54Hey, uh, you know how many of these rescues?
00:51:57We've probably done about four on a scale.
00:52:00I've made over 50 movies.
00:52:06It's my birthday in September.
00:52:09Dina's underlings were finally getting a taste of real leadership.
00:52:13I'd fostered a really creative atmosphere.
00:52:15And before long, we'd assembled Footopia's opening vignette.
00:52:18A long time ago, in a land unlike any you and I have ever seen,
00:52:24lived a family of travelling feet.
00:52:27They skipped and hopped and tiptoed in harmony.
00:52:32Bound only by a sacred pact of pure, unrestricted freedom.
00:52:40Unbeknownst to these gentle creatures,
00:52:42a darkness stirred.
00:52:47Thirsty for power,
00:52:49determined to shackle all that is good.
00:52:52The hand comes to us all.
00:52:57It's a masterpiece.
00:52:59There's no other word for it.
00:53:01Thanks for coming at such short notice, Debbie McGee.
00:53:03Wild horses wouldn't have kept me away.
00:53:05Anything for the movement.
00:53:06So, will the feats have to leave the homeland,
00:53:09or will they stay in face?
00:53:11Well, first things first.
00:53:12I'm going to need some celebs to provide the voices.
00:53:16You want us to play at the feats?
00:53:18Oh my god!
00:53:20The Noonans are going to be so grateful you've come on board.
00:53:23Pat!
00:53:23This is our sound recordist.
00:53:25She's going to set you up in a recording booth
00:53:27down in dazzling Soho.
00:53:29You what?
00:53:30Lay down some tracks.
00:53:31I've got to go all the way to fucking Soho.
00:53:33Lose the attitude.
00:53:35Is Jess driving?
00:53:36I need her to keep this Dina woman off my back.
00:53:41Oh, you're heading back to the city.
00:53:43Let me grab a lift.
00:53:44Yeah, sure.
00:53:45No worries.
00:53:46I love your work.
00:53:47I'm DJing at Prince.
00:53:49Early set.
00:53:50God, I was there just last week.
00:53:52What's this?
00:53:53Bookprints.
00:53:54It's a nightclub that caters to the barefoot clientele.
00:53:59Very trendy.
00:54:00Come with.
00:54:01I'm doing the early set.
00:54:04Maybe I can get you some free drinks.
00:54:05That sounds so fun, but we're recording voices for the foot tribe
00:54:09when we're racing against the clock.
00:54:11You know what?
00:54:12Let's do it.
00:54:14Sure we've got time for one drink?
00:54:17I'm apricot, by the way.
00:54:22The next day, I awoke to find the rescue team had gone out of their way
00:54:25to rush ahead of our production.
00:54:27I knew.
00:54:28If the Noonans escaped before seeing my movie, they'd be crushed.
00:54:32They were counting on me.
00:54:33Hey, I'm a little uneasy about the hand.
00:54:35Hands are notoriously difficult to draw.
00:54:37Everybody knows that.
00:54:38You knew that going in.
00:54:39I haven't heard from Winnie.
00:54:40Should we be worried?
00:54:43Finally.
00:54:46Bus fell over.
00:54:48Really upsetting.
00:54:49Cat was clearly buckling under the pressure.
00:54:52And she wasn't the only one.
00:54:54This is so intense.
00:54:55Listen, I want you to take a breather.
00:54:57I just can't seem to calibrate the drill bit.
00:54:59It just needs...
00:54:59It's fine.
00:54:59Don't worry.
00:55:00Okay, go for a walk.
00:55:01Take as long as you need.
00:55:02That's an order.
00:55:04Are you sure?
00:55:05You are so much more important to me with a clear head.
00:55:07Okay?
00:55:08We got this.
00:55:09Everything's going to be okay.
00:55:24Sound is a little crunchy.
00:55:26Where did you record this?
00:55:27I got a bath.
00:55:28We've got a bath!
00:55:41We have to find the secret chain.
00:55:44This is horrible.
00:55:49Have you been drinking?
00:55:51Oh, at a time like this.
00:55:54Alcohol, I presume.
00:55:56Pat, you've really let me down.
00:55:57It's not a big deal.
00:55:59Are you on something?
00:56:00You are!
00:56:01You're pinging!
00:56:01Your eyes are UFO!
00:56:03Shut up, man!
00:56:04This is unacceptable behaviour.
00:56:06You're dismissed.
00:56:07Effective immediately.
00:56:09Got the link out to the Noonans.
00:56:10I'm coming, Noonans!
00:56:12With no usable audio, and an estimated 900,000 drawings left to complete, I needed to buy us
00:56:18some time.
00:56:19I wish someone told me feature length animation can take weeks.
00:56:23How's the movie looking?
00:56:24We have good news.
00:56:25Debbie McGee is attached.
00:56:26We're going to get you out today.
00:56:28Today?
00:56:29We've neutralised the eastern tunnel, so there is still a risk of falling debris, so as soon
00:56:33as we reach you, we'll get you secured in PPE, then our team will take you back through
00:56:36the tunnel to our Phoenix capsules.
00:56:38Ideally, we would have sourced a model that can fit both of you at the same time, but
00:56:41that shouldn't...
00:56:41I don't want to spiss up.
00:56:42Yeah, this seems really dangerous.
00:56:45We can get a bigger Phoenix.
00:56:46We can do that.
00:56:47Is this going to work?
00:56:49What's the proper, um...
00:56:52How do we know if...
00:56:53What is the actual chance of full survival, is what he's trying to say?
00:56:57Under these circumstances...
00:56:58What percentage?
00:57:00There are a lot of factors.
00:57:01Please, give us a percentile!
00:57:0393%?
00:57:04Don't love those odds.
00:57:05No, we'd be much more comfortable with 100%.
00:57:09You lot will have to head back to the old drawing board.
00:57:11Few adjustments, calculations.
00:57:13We need you to guarantee 100%.
00:57:15That is impossible to do.
00:57:17We cannot legally tell you 100%.
00:57:19That's what we want to work with.
00:57:21Um, we don't mind it, as long as we're out by Christmas.
00:57:24Christmas?
00:57:25Well, stay put.
00:57:26Thanks, Dina.
00:57:27We can't miss Fittopia.
00:57:32We are this close.
00:57:34You are jeopardising this entire mission!
00:57:37Who the fuck do you think you...
00:57:37Dina was becoming very passionate.
00:57:39She and I had a bit of a will-they-won-they thing going on.
00:57:42Get out of my side!
00:57:43Now!
00:57:46The Noonans would need to stay put,
00:57:48while I shifted our production into hyperdrive.
00:57:51Speed up, mate.
00:57:52I'd like to raise a concern.
00:57:53No time.
00:57:54Sam, I have to address the unfair treatment.
00:57:56She was on drugs.
00:57:58Her eyes were as big as dinner plates.
00:58:00No, I'm not talking about...
00:58:00The old man was slowing us down.
00:58:02What?
00:58:03No.
00:58:03I don't feel comfortable with us portraying all hands as evil.
00:58:08What?
00:58:08I'd like to introduce the character.
00:58:13The baby hand princess.
00:58:15She falls in love with the little foot.
00:58:17They broker a peace treaty.
00:58:20Go.
00:58:25It's Jess, right?
00:58:25Yeah.
00:58:27I respect that you're trying to help out here,
00:58:29but this isn't a game, okay?
00:58:31Have you seen the forecast?
00:58:32Totally.
00:58:33Of course.
00:58:33Yeah.
00:58:34I think they're just adding the finishing touches.
00:58:36Why don't I believe you?
00:58:38Well,
00:58:39you only have about a minute and a half done.
00:58:41Don't tell him I said that.
00:58:42Oh my God.
00:58:44I'm sorry.
00:58:45It's just...
00:58:45It's his process.
00:58:46I...
00:58:46Can I get you anything?
00:58:48Hot chocolate?
00:58:49How do you put up with that?
00:58:53Publicly, the Dalai Lama condemned the project.
00:58:57But privately,
00:58:58he told me he loved it.
00:59:00APPLAUSE
00:59:03Any questions?
00:59:05Train tracks, what do you got?
00:59:06Um,
00:59:08hey,
00:59:08sorry,
00:59:09I'm nervous.
00:59:10You're my favourite film director ever.
00:59:14I,
00:59:14uh,
00:59:15yeah,
00:59:16when you go to make a movie...
00:59:17Gonna stop you there.
00:59:19I have never made a movie.
00:59:21Never will.
00:59:22It is always a team effort.
00:59:24Always.
00:59:25Next question.
00:59:27Look,
00:59:28we're just trying to save these people's lives.
00:59:30Now,
00:59:31I know this is not an easy position to be in,
00:59:33but if there is any way
00:59:34you can make him stop.
00:59:38It's just confusing.
00:59:39The hands have to be evil.
00:59:41Hands are somewhat evil.
00:59:42They point at you.
00:59:44The fist is a hand.
00:59:45They can be nice.
00:59:46They wave at you.
00:59:48They,
00:59:48they touch gently.
00:59:50They give vouchers.
00:59:51It's not up for discussion.
00:59:52You're messing with my idea.
00:59:53Your idea?
00:59:54Yeah.
00:59:55You didn't come up with it.
00:59:57You never do.
00:59:58I beg your pardon?
00:59:59You're a leech.
01:00:01You don't care about other people.
01:00:03You take their ideas
01:00:04and then you boss everyone around.
01:00:05I've got plenty of ideas for movies.
01:00:08Like what?
01:00:12Fine.
01:00:13We'll do hand princess.
01:00:14She intrigues me.
01:00:15Say one original movie idea.
01:00:19I will.
01:00:25I'm waiting.
01:00:26And I'm ready.
01:00:27It's all set at Christmas
01:00:28because it is a,
01:00:29but because it's a Christmas movie.
01:00:31So,
01:00:32because that's near the end of the year.
01:00:33So everyone's getting together.
01:00:34And there's just this real
01:00:36word.
01:00:37It is the season.
01:00:38So,
01:00:39listen,
01:00:39honestly,
01:00:40because
01:00:44you know what?
01:00:45You are a thorn in my side.
01:00:47You're sad.
01:00:47I plan
01:00:48to choke you.
01:00:58Sam,
01:00:59I need you to sit down.
01:01:00Kindly escort this dickhead out of my nook.
01:01:03They're gone.
01:01:04They have died.
01:01:07Huh?
01:01:08The Noonans.
01:01:10There was a tremor in the cave
01:01:12and a rock fell on their heads.
01:01:15So they've died.
01:01:17It's really sad.
01:01:18We have to go now.
01:01:19Jess,
01:01:20what are you talking?
01:01:21I'm not...
01:01:23It's all my fault.
01:01:24No.
01:01:25No, no,
01:01:25not at all.
01:01:26Are you sure they're dead?
01:01:27They might just be a little bit squished.
01:01:29They're not squished.
01:01:30They're dead.
01:01:31We know for a fact
01:01:32they've died completely.
01:01:35Yeah.
01:01:36We just...
01:01:36It couldn't reach them in time.
01:01:38It's all over,
01:01:39Red Rover.
01:01:41You have to go.
01:01:43It's illegal to say 100%.
01:01:47We can't give up.
01:01:48Don't just stand there.
01:01:49We have to help them.
01:01:54What happened to the world?
01:02:02What happened to the world?
01:02:04To the universe?
01:02:23Sam!
01:02:24Sam, are you okay?
01:02:28What?
01:02:30Like...
01:02:34Movies.
01:02:43He's awake!
01:02:47Apricorn?
01:02:50Mernens?
01:02:51Am I in the kingdom of heaven?
01:02:54Put a big crystal near your head.
01:02:57I think it's helped with the healing.
01:03:00I'll never lie to you again, what you did was so brave.
01:03:03It was?
01:03:04It was on the news, news website, near the side bit.
01:03:08Did you get screenshots?
01:03:10I missed it.
01:03:11Sorry I gave you a spook, boss.
01:03:13I fall apart when I'm on my own.
01:03:16You've got a real monster.
01:03:19Cheers.
01:03:20NASA said you should be here for a couple of weeks, but it could be months.
01:03:23No pet.
01:03:24My sweet pet.
01:03:26No.
01:03:28Don't worry, we'll be here every single day.
01:03:31We've been busy.
01:03:32We may do something.
01:03:34What's this?
01:03:36What the hell is this?
01:03:43Hi Virginia, did you hear about this new tradition everybody's talking about?
01:03:47Oh no, don't you start.
01:03:49Christmas sounds like a fad to me.
01:03:52I wouldn't get too excited.
01:03:56Pay attention, water women.
01:03:59While I introduce to you, the one and only Santa Claus.
01:04:10I'm looking to find a human wife.
01:04:16Oh no!
01:04:19The funny Christmas!
01:04:24What is a gift you've become?
01:04:26A gift is anything that someone wants but...
01:04:29You shouldn't have done this.