- 1 day ago
Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 7 - Putting Things On Things
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:35Hello! Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster, a show that seeks to take a reputation and reimagine it.
00:42Cows are cows, aren't they? But imagine a cow being forced to tap dance. What is it then?
00:46It's not a cow, that's for sure. So, let us open the shed and chase them into the field.
00:52The farmer has plans for Daisy and her friends, and you'll never drink a glass of milk in the same
00:58way again.
00:59My God, it's hard to keep writing these intros.
01:04Regardless...
01:06Please welcome back, Amy Glendale!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:12Armando Iannucci!
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15Joanna Payne!
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:18Joel Donnett!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21And Kamel Nanjani!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:25And next to me, a man who says she should go back to a more simple time, when children had
01:30manners.
01:31There was a bobby on every street.
01:32And women were, let's just say, a little more hussute downstairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:38His words, I don't know what he meant either.
01:40It's little Elliot's head!
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:47Sorry, I don't want to make eye contact with anyone in the audience.
01:49OK, good.
01:51Hello, Greg.
01:51What's the warm-up chat?
01:52Well, I want to say hello to you, Greg, and I want to say hello to all my people watching
01:56at home.
01:56I see you, and you see me, and you like puzzles.
01:59So, if you're one of my people, I'm going to show you a puzzle.
02:03Press pause, and then press unpause when you've solved it.
02:06Here we go.
02:06Good luck.
02:07Not that one.
02:13There we go, that's my bit done, Greg.
02:16Oh, God.
02:18Let's crack on with the prize task!
02:21Get this.
02:22They've all brought in the best bumpy thing.
02:25Ooh!
02:26Ooh!
02:27This...
02:27This is...
02:28This is a bumpy...
02:30It's a bumpy thing.
02:31It doesn't matter.
02:32But what bumpy thing have they brought in?
02:35He's got a P under his bum.
02:36A bumpy thing.
02:37Well, I'm sure Greg will score this really quickly and fairly with five points for the best bumpy thing.
02:42So, go on then, Greg.
02:43Go for it, mate.
02:45Amy, hello.
02:46Hello, hello.
02:47You all right?
02:48You got some bumpy stuff?
02:49Yeah.
02:49Can I just ask what her suit means?
02:52Hairy.
02:53Hairy.
02:53Hairy, yeah.
02:54OK, that's all right.
02:55Yeah.
02:55What did you think it might have meant?
03:00More...
03:01Trying to think of a better word for open.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:08Good.
03:09Hairy's fine.
03:10That's good.
03:11You thought that Alex wanted ladies to be a little more dilated?
03:14LAUGHTER
03:17Yeah.
03:21Right, Amy.
03:22Tell me about your bumpy thing.
03:23I have brought...
03:25LAUGHTER
03:29It just didn't jump well from the last time.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:35I have brought in a plane ticket from London to Venice.
03:42Yes.
03:42Yes, she has.
03:43Yeah.
03:43Notoriously turbulent flight route.
03:45Here's the ticket.
03:46And if you fly specifically in March, that's when it's most turbulent,
03:51but never too turbulent where it's frightening.
03:53It's just a little...
03:56Wow.
03:57Done.
03:58Unfortunately, it's one way, so you will stay in Venice,
04:01because I'm not buying you a return as well.
04:03No.
04:04I'm genuinely a bit flawed.
04:05I didn't expect you to bring a good thing in.
04:08Well done.
04:08LAUGHTER
04:09Armando, you can take us down, surely.
04:11I'll give it a go, but I think you'll be surprised.
04:14All right.
04:14Let's go for something that's already very good,
04:16but maybe not accessible to everyone,
04:19and make it even better by making it bumpy.
04:22It's a braille menu to an Indian restaurant.
04:25Wow.
04:26Here we go.
04:26A braille curry menu.
04:28There it is.
04:28There we go.
04:29And, of course, the great thing is, if I score that badly,
04:32I will alienate the visually impaired community.
04:36Exactly.
04:37It may not be funny, but it's very clever.
04:41LAUGHTER
04:41Hello, Joanna.
04:42Hello.
04:43I've brought in...
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45..Mr Bump.
04:47Here is Joanna's Mr Bump.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52Now, I made Mr Bump when I was about 16 in school for an art project.
04:57Yes!
04:59LAUGHTER
04:59Wow.
05:00He's on a glass bottle, which I've painted.
05:03Uh-huh.
05:03And he's made with a papier-mâché, very bumpy head.
05:07And my parents have kept him in the shed at the bottom of their garden
05:10ever since I made him.
05:12It was only recently that I realised how awful that is.
05:15Because they're always like,
05:17Oh, yeah, we've got him on the shelf in the shed.
05:19And, oh, look, he's still there.
05:20And he's never, ever been in the house.
05:23LAUGHTER
05:24If you presented that to your parents when you were 16,
05:27I think you should count yourself lucky that you weren't sent to a boarding school.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:31Hi, Joel.
05:32Hello.
05:33I've brought in a picture of my acne-ridden teenage face.
05:38Oh, no.
05:39Oh!
05:40And, uh, if you zoom in to the forehead...
05:43Is that braille?
05:44That's braille.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:46I've made the acne braille and it says,
05:49Don't worry, things get easier.
05:52Oh.
05:53So, try scoring that badly.
05:56Very good.
05:57Kamel.
05:58Hi.
05:59Hi there.
05:59What bumpy thing have you brought us?
06:02So, what's a really great bumpy thing to ride?
06:07A roller coaster.
06:09So, this, I brought in the original plans for the Cyclone.
06:13It was made in 1927.
06:17So, you see, that's plans for that.
06:19And then there's some...
06:20It says, look at the bottom left corner.
06:22Do you want us to look at the bottom left?
06:24You seem lovely.
06:25Look at number 12.
06:27Number 12?
06:27Go to number 12.
06:28Number 12's there.
06:29You have herpes.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:32See, top right.
06:33Right, OK, there we go.
06:34Just kidding, you don't have herpes.
06:36That's you, right, OK.
06:37Under the coaster.
06:39Under the coaster.
06:39Let's go there.
06:39Yep, there we go.
06:40It's actually not a big deal to have herpes.
06:42You shouldn't stigmatise.
06:44Turn this over.
06:45And over.
06:46That was a bumpy ride!
06:48A lot of bumps around.
06:54Must be a relief for you as well.
06:56Yeah.
07:00It's a rollercoaster and an emotional rollercoaster.
07:04I got it.
07:06A lot of these are very sensible.
07:08Yeah.
07:09Joanna's little project.
07:10Oh, thank God.
07:11Right, Joanna, one point.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15What's next?
07:16I don't know why.
07:17The flight to Venice.
07:18No!
07:19Yeah, you shouldn't be so tight.
07:20If you'd done her a return flight, I'd have been in.
07:22That was really expensive!
07:25I don't speculate to accumulate.
07:27Two points.
07:27Two points.
07:28Well done, Amy.
07:29Shit!
07:31Armando.
07:32OK.
07:32I think he'd forgotten the prize and he'd had a curry the night before.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36And he brought that in.
07:37Three points.
07:38OK.
07:38Three to Armando.
07:39I actually found your braille thing absolutely adorable.
07:42I like the idea of you reassuring your teenage self.
07:45It's very sweet.
07:46But that?
07:47Oh, I mean, I loved all that.
07:49Five points to Kamel and our journey's emotional rollercoaster.
07:54What's best?
07:55Good news, everyone, because this task is a bit of a turn-on.
07:59Ooh!
08:12Hello, Alex.
08:14Joel Patrick Domet.
08:15Oh, I love the full day.
08:17How do you feel about the table?
08:18The table itself?
08:20Hmm.
08:22It's all right.
08:24Solid.
08:25Four grand.
08:28Then...
08:29I'd maybe...
08:31expect a bit more.
08:32But I don't know what the task is.
08:34Maybe the table's going to come to life and dance
08:35and I have to do the same dance moves as the table.
08:38LED party lights.
08:40We know how to party in the UK.
08:42Yeah, with lights.
08:44Two of them.
08:44Big ones.
08:46Those aren't that big.
08:47You should see American lights.
08:50Shall I open this bad boy?
08:51Yes, please.
08:53JPD.
08:56Turn on the telly.
08:59You may not touch the telly.
09:01Fewest button presses wins.
09:03Your time starts now.
09:05That's the telly.
09:07That's the telly.
09:08Just one telly?
09:09Mm-hmm.
09:10So I just turn on the telly, right?
09:12Yes, please.
09:12Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.
09:14But what's...
09:14What's your game here?
09:16What are you up to, Holmes?
09:19Mm-hmm.
09:24I really enjoyed the special stuff, really.
09:26Mm-hmm.
09:27Shall we see some stuff?
09:29OK, well, Amy and Joanna are first up to take control.
09:33Fewest button presses.
09:35OK, well, I want to go straight in for these,
09:37but it's obviously going to be wrong.
09:38Turn on the telly.
09:41We're going blue, are we?
09:43We're going blue.
09:44Oh, my God!
09:56OK.
09:56You need to just turn it off as well, thank you.
09:57That's two button presses.
09:59OK, right, OK.
10:00I'm going to go in and try all of them,
10:01because it's going to turn something on.
10:04That's not turning anything on.
10:06Oh, and I keep pressing it, don't I?
10:09No.
10:10Get that on.
10:12Oh!
10:13It's not red.
10:14Oh!
10:14Oh!
10:15Oh, that's nice, though.
10:16Oh!
10:17Right, I'm going to press them all.
10:18Right.
10:19Is that an egg?
10:21Can you turn it off?
10:27I've got two batteries and lint.
10:34That's the printer.
10:36Oh, wow!
10:39You must now also find and eat a donut before you finish the task.
10:43Is this a donut?
10:44It was.
10:44It was!
10:46You must now also find and eat a donut before you finish the task.
10:49Well, it was probably this, wasn't it?
10:51It was that, yeah.
10:52I'm going pink.
10:53Pink.
10:55It just did something.
10:56Oh!
10:57Oh, my God.
10:58Batteries and a duck.
10:59I think you pressed all the buttons there.
11:00Do you remember what they all did?
11:02Oh, no.
11:05I'm going to do this one again.
11:08It's not doing anything.
11:09Oh, for God.
11:10It's absolutely ridiculous.
11:13Gold!
11:15Why can't I just look?
11:15I don't need to...
11:16Oh!
11:17Oh!
11:18I'm going to just check this from the beginning.
11:24Have I done it?
11:25I...
11:27Oh!
11:28Oh, my God!
11:29Did he turn it off?
11:30You turn these on.
11:33Well done.
11:35You say well done.
11:36Yeah, I shouldn't have said well done.
11:37Right.
11:38I mean, the technique was actually the same.
11:41No lateral thinking, just keep pressing buttons.
11:44You both noticed the golden one didn't do anything,
11:47but you didn't think there might be a clue.
11:48No.
11:49No.
11:49No, I thought it was broken.
11:50I thought it was just bad tasking.
11:55Oh, there's bad tasking in the air today.
11:58LAUGHTER
12:00Joanna pressed 13 buttons in total.
12:04Amy, 21 buttons.
12:05It was not good.
12:07Right.
12:08Right.
12:09You both had a nice doughnut, didn't you?
12:10Yes.
12:11That was good.
12:12I would have it whizzed up again.
12:14Yeah.
12:14Yeah, genuinely, it's really nice.
12:17Yeah.
12:17Do you guys call blending whizzed up?
12:19Yeah, always.
12:20Mmm.
12:20Do you really call it?
12:21Yeah, yeah.
12:22They're called whizz up machines over here.
12:25Oh.
12:26Elevators are lifts, blenders are whizz up machines.
12:29It's confusing over here.
12:31I'll buy you coffee afterwards at the bubble shop.
12:34LAUGHTER
12:37We must pause for a break and we're going to stretch our legs a little bit.
12:41I'm going to give Alex a little walk.
12:43I like a little walk.
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45Come on, you.
12:45Oh, yes.
12:47Come on.
12:52APPLAUSE
12:58APPLAUSE
12:59Welcome back.
13:02Well, well, well.
13:03You really did need to go.
13:05Yes.
13:06LAUGHTER
13:08I have to...
13:09LAUGHTER
13:14I had a lot of whizzed up doughnuts.
13:16LAUGHTER
13:18And that's the funniest thing the show's ever done.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:21Just the right weight, isn't it?
13:22I think it's so heavy.
13:23Just the right weight.
13:25I'm so sorry.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:27I like that you picked it up as well.
13:29Why...
13:29How did you pick it up?
13:30Because I'm your owner.
13:32Oh, thank you.
13:35Hello.
13:37LAUGHTER
13:38It's part two and our five adult comedians are struggling to switch on the telly.
13:42Yes.
13:43Oh, which button is it?
13:45Which controller?
13:45Where's it going?
13:46Where are the batteries?
13:47What's happening?
13:48Help me, Alex.
13:48They're pathetic.
13:49And now...
13:51LAUGHTER
13:51It's time for Joel Mando Domitucci.
13:55LAUGHTER
14:03You thinking the printer might operate the telly?
14:05Yeah, it made some noises.
14:06Yeah, you did just press two buttons.
14:07Yeah.
14:08So that counts as your first two buttons.
14:09Oh!
14:11Damn it!
14:18Right.
14:19Well, that didn't work.
14:19No, you've turned on the bubble and smoke machine.
14:21No.
14:21I forget what were the other ones I did.
14:23Oh, you've turned the bubble machine again, is it?
14:25OK.
14:25Oh, right.
14:25Literally just...
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27Yeah, gold.
14:30Right, what happened with the gold one?
14:32I don't know.
14:33What happened with the gold one?
14:33What happened with the gold one?
14:35I'm not touching it again.
14:37Still there.
14:38Hello, Joel.
14:39You're very much in my area now.
14:44Can you press the button?
14:45No, it goes behind the book.
14:46It goes behind there.
14:48Right.
14:50You must now also find and eat a doughnut.
14:54Right.
14:55If I turn that on...
14:57You think turning the blender on might turn the telly on?
14:59Well, not beyond the bounds of possibility.
15:04It's a mouth.
15:06What is that?
15:09Is that yours?
15:11I was looking for that.
15:13Just be slightly careful with the wires.
15:15Yeah, you'd be slightly careful with the attitude.
15:17Right.
15:20Well, they're on now.
15:25I knew the printer was something to do with this.
15:27You must now also find and eat a doughnut.
15:31Ah, so pink, is it?
15:32OK.
15:35Ah.
15:37Obviously, this will go nowhere.
15:39I found a duck.
15:40More fluff.
15:41Two batteries.
15:42Ah.
15:44Found a doughnut.
15:46Like, really quick.
15:50Mmm.
15:51I have glued and sharp.
15:53Yes, you have, haven't you?
15:56Ah!
15:58Here we go.
15:59Right.
16:01Fuckin' hell.
16:06Ah!
16:08Lovely.
16:08Here we go.
16:10It's a smoke machine!
16:12Here we go.
16:30Oh!
16:30Put in an extra layout.
16:31Put in an extra door.
16:36Twelve seconds.
16:38Come out.
16:43What the fuck was?
16:46It's a good thing.
16:49Two batteries.
16:52I reckon that's this one.
17:03Yeah.
17:03There we go.
17:04Figure it out.
17:07There we go.
17:09There we go.
17:09I'm just intrigued with watching Joel do anything, really, because he throws himself into it with such glee.
17:15And then, every now and again, I just go, oh, my God, he's 40.
17:20LAUGHTER
17:22Mad, isn't it?
17:23I pay a mortgage.
17:25LAUGHTER
17:26A hidden compartment pops open.
17:28No, Manta goes, well, I don't imagine this will lead us anyway.
17:32Deserving energy.
17:34Lovely.
17:34The difference between us is so fantastic.
17:37I'm like, secret compartment, like, oh, secret compartment!
17:40There's one!
17:41There's one to the others!
17:43LAUGHTER
17:45Yes.
17:46Well, look, Armando was the slowest, but it wasn't about speed.
17:49This is very much a tortoise and hare situation.
17:51He only pressed nine buttons.
17:53Ooh!
17:54Which is one fewer than you, Joel.
17:56Ten presses.
17:57It's not bad for an excitable child.
18:00Yes.
18:01Finally, in 2018, he was one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people in the world.
18:06And now, finally, he just might prove why.
18:09It's come out.
18:10LAUGHTER
18:14These are glued shut.
18:19I haven't pressed a button yet.
18:21No.
18:22This one's empty, though.
18:23Mm.
18:29Pressing the green one.
18:36That's pretty cool.
18:38LAUGHTER
18:39Press it again if you really enjoyed it.
18:40I did really enjoy it, but I'm not going to press it again until I've turned the TV on.
18:43Yeah.
18:46Is it a mistake that this one doesn't have batteries?
18:49We don't make mis...
18:50We don't make mistakes.
18:51That was a mistake.
18:52You're saying we don't make mistakes.
18:53We made a mistake.
18:54We sometimes...
18:54We rarely make mistakes.
18:56We don't make mistakes.
18:57LAUGHTER
19:00Don't look away.
19:06Ow.
19:09There's batteries in there.
19:20That was impressive.
19:34That's how it's done.
19:35I remember that being, like, my best task by far.
19:39I just love that you just use sheer fucking force.
19:44Like...
19:44Yeah!
19:45You are a real-life superhero.
19:47It's so good to be close to you.
19:51So great.
19:53So, yeah, it was very impressive.
19:56Um, however...
19:57What?
19:58No!
19:59Uh-oh.
20:00I do need to show you something else.
20:01The rules did say...
20:03Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
20:06You may not touch the TV.
20:08No ifs, no buts.
20:10Right?
20:10Uh-oh.
20:11Oh.
20:13So many wires, guys.
20:16OK.
20:16Oh!
20:19Butt touch.
20:20Butt touch.
20:20It was you, Joel.
20:21You were so excited about that video, too.
20:24I thought it was going to tear you apart,
20:26but it turned out it just tore apart a person
20:28who didn't tear it apart.
20:30LAUGHTER
20:32Is that touching?
20:34What do you mean?
20:34Is it touching?
20:35It's touching.
20:36Am I not touching someone if I touch them with my bum?
20:39Is that what you're asking?
20:40Well, if that's the case...
20:41It's party time.
20:42No, no, no, no, no, no.
20:45Are we disqualifying, Joel?
20:48I still found him quite enchanting,
20:49so I will allow him, regardless of how many times he pressed it,
20:53to have one point.
20:54So he goes to the bottom,
20:55Amy and Joanna go up one point.
20:57Correct.
20:57Ooh.
20:58Goes to the bottom.
20:59That's all right.
21:00LAUGHTER
21:04In which case,
21:06Amy, you get two points, 23 presses.
21:08Joanna, three points.
21:09Armando, four points.
21:11But the winner and five points to Kamel Nanjiani!
21:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:16Right.
21:18May we see the scores?
21:19Yes, before that, I'm going to tell you the series scores,
21:21because they're getting tight.
21:23Armando, you're at the bottom with 91,
21:25but Joel's just above your 93.
21:28Then, very excitingly,
21:30Amy and Kamel are both on 105.
21:32Kamel's finally in the top two,
21:34and Joanna's still on top with 106 points.
21:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:39Lovely.
21:43And in this episode, Kamel's got a very strong
21:45ten points maximum in first place.
21:47Right.
21:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:51That is one sweet solo effort,
21:54so I feel like we should see a team task, please.
21:56Sure thing, Greg.
21:57Here's a task right here for you.
21:59I do hope you like it.
22:01Achoo!
22:02Bless me.
22:02OK, let's go.
22:10MUSIC PLAYS
22:11MUSIC PLAYS
22:17Oh, hiya.
22:20Joanna and Armando.
22:21Yes.
22:22Hello.
22:22Who wants to read it?
22:23You read this one.
22:24You read this one.
22:25You'll read this one.
22:25He's so good at reading lines.
22:27It's so exciting.
22:29Go.
22:29Go.
22:30Never mind.
22:31Have serious fun in the lab without smiling.
22:35Oh.
22:37One of you must enter on the first whistle,
22:40the other on the second.
22:42You must each secretly bring something fun with you,
22:45and you must all leave as soon as the time is up.
22:49You have two minutes in the lab,
22:51and the first person must enter the lab in five minutes from now.
22:54So we can't smile at all, and we've got to have fun.
22:58You guys, when I read you can't smile,
23:01both of you had the biggest grins on your face.
23:04Let's split up now.
23:05So I will commit to getting something fun from not this room.
23:08Let's go.
23:08Bring this with us.
23:09Find a fun thing.
23:11I'm not going to ever smile again.
23:13I'm going to be shit at this.
23:21Hi, Lo.
23:23It's Amusing Armando,
23:24and this is the really good fun show.
23:33Shall we meet Jolly Joanna?
23:35He is Jolly Joanna.
23:36We're having fun, aren't we?
23:37We're having lots of fun.
23:38I find playing and eating sweets really, really good fun.
23:44Oh, that's good fun.
23:46Oh, no.
23:47Can you do that?
23:49Do you know how to...?
23:50Hey, guys.
23:53Oh, they're in, they're in.
23:54Yeah, they're in.
23:56Oh, that was fun.
23:57Oh, that was fun.
23:59That was so much fun.
24:00That's fun, isn't it?
24:01Oh!
24:05Whoa!
24:07That's fun.
24:08Can I have a go on your horn if you want to go on my salad?
24:10Yeah, sure.
24:12We'll get a go.
24:14Thanks, Alec.
24:23Hiya!
24:23Oh!
24:24Hello.
24:26Oh, God.
24:26Please let us not have to sing.
24:28Shall I go in?
24:29Yeah.
24:30Go in.
24:30Completely re-voice this footage to create a dramatic short film.
24:35A dramatic short film.
24:38Oh, this is what that...
24:38Oh, this is...
24:39The hula hoop thing and the face...
24:42Oh!
24:43Oh!
24:43Well, this could be a dramatic film very easily.
24:46You must not re-voice yourself.
24:48Most dramatic and convincing short film wins.
24:51You have 15 minutes.
24:53Your time starts now.
24:54When there's three people...
24:56Yeah.
24:56Can everyone play someone else?
24:57Yes.
24:58Mathematically?
24:59Does that work?
25:00Yes.
25:00Yes.
25:01Yes.
25:01And just in my head I was like,
25:03well, two people are going to play each other
25:04and then there's one person that has to be themselves.
25:11How would you suggest that I do your voice?
25:13I mean, just try and do like a Pakistani guy.
25:16What should go wrong?
25:18So what would...
25:18How would that go?
25:19Well, now you've given me...
25:21You've given me the go-ahead.
25:22Yes, I've given you the go-ahead.
25:24We might not show him giving you the go-ahead.
25:29In fact, I insist that you don't.
25:32Yeah.
25:32Like Alien.
25:33If we were going to make it dramatic...
25:34Yeah, it could be.
25:34We have to make it dramatic.
25:35A monster.
25:36What kind of voice do I do for you?
25:38I'm Hull.
25:39Hull?
25:39Do you want to try it?
25:41Oolaroop.
25:42Oolaroop.
25:43OK.
25:44Yeah, a lot.
25:45A lot happened.
25:49Wow.
25:50Exciting on lots of levels.
25:51I mean, I wonder who will face the biggest backlash.
25:54Could it be Kamal from the people of Hull?
25:56Or might Joel get more problems with all of Pakistan?
26:02LAUGHTER
26:04Or famously laid-back people.
26:07LAUGHTER
26:10I can't tell whether I'm going to be sort of counselled
26:13for misplaced accent or how stupid I am with numbers.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19Ah, yeah, that was incredible, yeah.
26:22Well, Amy must be thrilled because it's taken a lot of heat
26:25off the fact that she can only do one hula hoop.
26:29LAUGHTER
26:30Shall we see some short films forward slash hate crimes?
26:35LAUGHTER
26:37Yeah, why not?
26:38And I think let's start off with a team of three.
26:40Let's see how they got on.
26:45I'm looking for me husband.
26:48Oh.
26:51Is that from me husband?
26:54Will I die?
26:58Oh, OK.
27:00Me husband's going to die.
27:03Hey, wife.
27:06This guy is really scaring me from...
27:08Rome for little one.
27:11Oh, God damn this guy.
27:14What?
27:14Should we save your life?
27:15Oh.
27:16Oh.
27:17Oh.
27:17Oh.
27:19I'll show you what to do.
27:25Ruff.
27:26Ruff.
27:27Ruff.
27:28Ruff.
27:28Ruff.
27:29Ruff.
27:30Ruff.
27:30Ruff.
27:31Ruff.
27:31Ruff.
27:31Ruff.
27:33Ruff.
27:36Hey, look at this.
27:38Look at this.
27:38Shiny things.
27:39Shiny things.
27:39Distracting.
27:40I'm distracting him.
27:41Suit him with the gun.
27:42Maybe I'll get you with this gun that I've got in...
27:45No, no.
27:45It's a fucking ball.
27:47Oh, you didn't bring your gun.
27:48You didn't bring your gun.
27:50Oh, I'll go get me gun.
27:53You two are gonna die.
27:54I'm gonna be back.
27:55You two are gonna die.
27:57And that's your time up.
27:59Lovely.
27:59Better than many movies I've seen.
28:01And been.
28:09I don't know what the fuck was going on.
28:13It's the joy of art, isn't it?
28:14It's open to interpretation.
28:16It's subjective.
28:17Yeah.
28:18And, fortunately for you, I thought it was shit.
28:21OK, that's it.
28:22We're at the halfway point.
28:24Will you go all the way with me?
28:25Will you?
28:26Of course you will.
28:27How can you resist?
28:28And I've not forgotten you.
28:30You'll keep.
28:31Oh, yes.
28:32He's saving you till last.
28:33Shut up!
28:45Welcome back.
28:46Welcome back to the third part of the show, and there is a seriously fun task involving lip-syncing.
28:51Yes, the current task involves them re-voicing their own footage from earlier, but they're not allowed to re-voice
28:56themselves.
28:57Most dramatic and convincing short film wins.
29:00Now for the team of two's turn.
29:02It's Joanna and Armando.
29:04Hello.
29:06I have been called here today because I hear that there might be some alien force in this building.
29:12What is this here?
29:14There's a banana.
29:15Joanna.
29:16What are you saying?
29:18You're telling me about the alien and alien.
29:21I've been impregnated by a banana alien.
29:24It might force out.
29:25Oh my god.
29:26Oh my.
29:29Oh no, I can't believe this.
29:32I know.
29:32What have you got inside you?
29:33There look like millions of them.
29:36I've got the syringe.
29:37I have heard from other people.
29:39It is the only way to deal with aliens.
29:43I want to help you, but the alien in my head is telling me to put it in my mouth.
29:48Oh my god.
29:50That went in.
29:50That's horrible.
29:51The alien is making me inject your head now.
29:54Whatever you do, don't let any aliens come out of your mouth.
29:58Oh.
29:59Oh.
30:00This is the most dramatic thing ever filmed.
30:03Oh.
30:04What's this?
30:05I want to eat these.
30:07The alien is making me pick up an envelope.
30:09It says, whatever you do, don't walk about with the stuff in that suitcase.
30:13Otherwise, the world will blow up.
30:15But I can't help myself.
30:16It's all pretty colors.
30:17Oh no, you've got to have done it.
30:20I can't help it.
30:21They're making me do it.
30:23Everybody get out.
30:24Humanity's been taken over by aliens.
30:25We've got to go!
30:26There it is.
30:34Right, well, I'm going to say this off the bat.
30:36I do not like Joanna's voice coming out of Armando's face.
30:40LAUGHTER
30:42But it was a strong narrative.
30:44And it was dramatic.
30:46It's got to make you three feel bad about your loads of shit.
30:49LAUGHTER
30:49I thought you had clearly defined characters, a twist at the end,
30:54a comment on the fragility of the human condition.
30:57Yeah, and what about theirs?
31:00LAUGHTER
31:00LAUGHTER
31:05What are you giving to people, Greg?
31:07Well, I'm going to give the team of two five points for a beautiful film.
31:13LAUGHTER
31:14And what shall I give the other three?
31:17Do you feel good?
31:18Two for the team of three and five to the team of two!
31:21APPLAUSE
31:22Can we squeeze out another task?
31:24Of course we can, Greg.
31:27And bless your little cotton socks.
31:29LAUGHTER
31:45Ooh!
31:46Oh, my gosh!
31:51Hey, me.
31:58It's a...
32:00..present of socks.
32:02I guess so.
32:03Yeah.
32:05This is fantastic.
32:07How do you arrange yours?
32:09Nothing as extravagant and as beautiful as this.
32:11This is how Greg does it.
32:13OK.
32:14Make the most socks stand up.
32:18You have 15 minutes.
32:19Your time starts now.
32:22What we... what...
32:23And we're off.
32:25What...
32:26What...
32:26What...
32:27What does that entail?
32:29Well, they're lying down at the moment.
32:30Individually, or...?
32:31Well, plenty of time.
32:32However you want to interpret it, really.
32:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:34Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:36What I really want to do is just spend all my time
32:39making the pairs right.
32:41Yeah.
32:43APPLAUSE
32:47Now, in the greatest respect, I thought that Joel might struggle
32:50with this concept, but I didn't think it would baffle you.
32:54Yeah.
32:55And I said to Alex during it, you sort of sound like a remix in it.
32:59Yeah.
32:59She did, yeah.
33:00Like this.
33:01I've got the remix.
33:02What we...
33:03What...
33:03What...
33:03What...
33:04What does that entail?
33:08APPLAUSE
33:09Yeah.
33:10Wow!
33:11Wow!
33:13Armando was a bit of a remix as well, wasn't he?
33:15Slightly.
33:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:16Yeah.
33:17Yeah.
33:17Yeah.
33:18Yeah.
33:20We should collaborate.
33:22Yeah.
33:22Yeah.
33:22Yeah.
33:23Yeah.
33:24Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.
33:27We're on at the all two next summer.
33:30LAUGHTER
33:32Right.
33:32I want to see some people make socks stand-up.
33:35I know you do.
33:36I know you do.
33:36And it's good news for fans of Amy and Joel,
33:39because now we're going to see Amy and Joel.
33:41LAUGHTER
33:42What classifies as standing up?
33:44Is that?
33:45Yeah, maybe.
33:46Maybe?
33:47Maybe?
33:50Is that standing up?
33:52Sort of float it.
33:53I don't know what it's doing.
33:54It might be standing up.
33:55Looks like there's someone on the other side of the hedge.
33:57OK.
33:58Well, OK.
33:59We're absolutely off to a cracking start.
34:02This is my task.
34:03Yeah, they're standing up, I think.
34:04Yeah?
34:05You think?
34:06Oh, I need you to be more confident than that.
34:18That went straight on.
34:19Hey, it's satisfied.
34:25Oh, I just...
34:27Oh, I just made a good one.
34:31APPLAUSE
34:39What if I got all of these, and told a joke, so they're doing stand-up?
34:47Do you want a microphone?
34:49Can you...
34:50Is this good?
34:51Pretty weird.
34:52Yeah, OK.
34:53What did the...
34:57shoe say to the loud sock?
35:01I don't know.
35:02Put a sock in it.
35:04Oh, dear.
35:05I just made that...
35:06Oh, that's good.
35:07I've got to finish this fence, man.
35:08One and a half minutes.
35:08I've got to finish this fence.
35:11They're just standing up, are they?
35:12Yes.
35:16What an ending.
35:18I believe in rights for everyone.
35:21Stamp standing up for...
35:23people?
35:24Everyone?
35:25Oh.
35:26Oh.
35:27Not every...
35:27No, good...
35:28It's too late now.
35:29Don't put that on, Telly.
35:32There's a lot left.
35:35Thanks, Joel.
35:35See you later.
35:37Yeah.
35:38There were a lot left.
35:40Really good, though.
35:41I really love the ambition of sock stand-up.
35:44You want to ride with that?
35:46Because I'm going to allow it.
35:47You're allowing it.
35:47It was great.
35:48It was really great.
35:50This is the happiest I've seen you for the whole show.
35:53Man, it was so fun.
35:54We're just putting things on things.
35:56Yeah.
35:58Was the one sock in particular that pleased you the most?
36:00There was one that you popped on that pleased me.
36:02Oh, yeah.
36:03I can't stop.
36:03The top of the cactus.
36:05Cactus!
36:05Oh, my God.
36:06Oh, it slipped on a treat, didn't it?
36:10My favourite one was the one that was just perking out of the hedge.
36:14Oh, yeah.
36:15Where it looked like a very short but very well-endowed man was just stood.
36:20Yeah.
36:20Because it was just coming out at just a lovely angle.
36:23And it was just sort of soft lob.
36:26Yeah.
36:27The hedge man wasn't fully ready for it.
36:30Right.
36:31He found if a soft lob counts as standing up, then there's hope for many of us.
36:37LAUGHTER
36:39Yeah.
36:40I guess I should find out, are we counting the soft lob?
36:42Well, soft lob is definitely standing.
36:48There were 472 socks there in total.
36:52Amy got 280 of those socks out.
36:56Joel, 91, including the lob.
36:59Ooh.
36:59Amy, well in front at this stage.
37:01Shall we move on?
37:02Yeah, why not?
37:02And now for a man who is the same age as Brad Pitt.
37:07It's Armando E. Lutcher.
37:09I've got to start with this.
37:10OK.
37:14How much time is left?
37:15Plenty of time.
37:1612 minutes and 45 seconds.
37:18Christ.
37:20I'm sort of thinking, given the numbers involved here,
37:23we need to go at scale.
37:27This will do it.
37:28Hang on.
37:29There we go.
37:31Here we go.
37:34Well, lovely to meet you.
37:37What do you think of my standing up socks?
37:41What do you think of those?
37:42Pardon?
37:44Not...
37:45They wouldn't work for you.
37:46Your feet are webbed, aren't they?
37:48Yeah.
37:49OK.
37:50I mean, to be honest, I've run out of small talk.
37:53There's only so many things you can say to a duck on a chair.
37:55That's your turn up, Armando.
37:57Thank you very much.
37:59Right.
37:59Some tea, I think.
38:06Very good.
38:08Very good.
38:10I was already thrilled before the walk.
38:13That's the sort of lateral thinking and creativity
38:17that you can come up with if you're not troubled by full lobs.
38:22Soon, someone will win a one-way flight to Venice
38:25and will be able to say,
38:27I was deported by Amy Gladhill.
38:31We'll see you in a minute.
38:36APPLAUSE
38:42Yes.
38:43Yes, it's the final part of the show
38:44and there's a task that is in need of completing.
38:47Thumbs up emoji.
38:48Yes, they just have to make the most socks stand up.
38:51They've all had a go at it.
38:53Well, Joanna and Kamel haven't, but they will right now.
38:57I'm putting them on myself.
38:59That's a good idea.
39:00OK, I'm going to do as many as I can.
39:02Yes.
39:02That is three.
39:03Would you say this sock is standing up?
39:06I mean, I don't know.
39:08LAUGHTER
39:12Whoo!
39:13This is what a rake is made for.
39:15This is perfect.
39:17This is horrible.
39:18I don't like this.
39:19Right.
39:19Oh, God.
39:20I'm going to have to start putting some on the other foot.
39:22OK, then.
39:22It's starting to hurt a bit.
39:24Is it?
39:30I'm feeling kind of maniacal.
39:32I don't know why.
39:38I can get a load on here because his legs are only thin.
39:41That's a good ball.
39:42Right, OK.
39:43Will you bring me the donkey, please?
39:44I'd love to, yeah.
39:45Because I don't think I can walk.
39:49Let's see what this is like.
39:52I'm just going to give the donkey a go.
39:55Oh, look at that.
39:57Right.
39:58Two minutes, ten seconds.
40:01I think I might start on my arm.
40:03Yeah.
40:04Kamel, there's one minute left.
40:11Wow.
40:12That is a triumphant pose, Joe.
40:19Standing up?
40:20Yeah, isn't it?
40:21Yeah.
40:21Everything's standing up.
40:29Yes.
40:30How many socks did she make stand up?
40:32Well, remember, with the soft glob, Joel got 91.
40:35Joanna managed to get 95.
40:38Oh!
40:40Not bad.
40:41Mm-hm.
40:41Now.
40:42Now.
40:43Kamel.
40:44Well, all I wrote down was,
40:46why is Kamel laughing like a cartoon buddy while tidying up?
40:52I think to us the laughter came when you struck upon the idea of stuffing a boiler suit full of
40:57socks.
40:58It's like a man that's standing up.
41:00Yeah, I like the final image of the man standing up.
41:02Obviously, we'll only be allowing the socks that...
41:04Wait.
41:05...but but, but, wait.
41:06What do you mean?
41:07What do you mean?
41:09What do you mean?
41:33T-
41:3425 socks standing up in that boiler suit and the boots,
41:37but the winner, with 472 socks, five points, is Armando Iannucci!
41:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:44Very good. Shall we have a quick look at the scores?
41:46Yes, it means those sock guys are in first and second place.
41:49Camel's on 16 points, but Armando is leading the episode with 17 points.
41:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:58All right, everyone, please make your way to the stage
42:00for the final task of the show!
42:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:09Hi there, you hunk.
42:11Oh, me?
42:12Who will be reading the task?
42:15Joanna Page. Joanna Page.
42:19Snort, raspberry or whistle in the order the taskmaster desires.
42:25The taskmaster will give you a number sequence
42:28and you must reply immediately with the corresponding noises.
42:33One equals snort, two equals raspberry, three equals whistle.
42:40If you make a mistake, you are out.
42:43Most successful snort, raspberry and whistle responder wins.
42:49I genuinely cannot whistle.
42:52Whoop!
42:53We'll be acceptable.
42:54Are we ready?
42:54We're starting off in round one with a two-digit sequence.
42:58Amy, three, one.
43:01WHISTLE BLOWS
43:02Good.
43:04Armando, two, three.
43:08WHISTLE BLOWS
43:10Looks like you're off the hook.
43:12LAUGHTER
43:14Joanna, three, three.
43:17WHISTLE BLOWS
43:18LAUGHTER
43:20LAUGHTER
43:23Oh, little baby bird!
43:26LAUGHTER
43:26Three, two.
43:31WHISTLE BLOWS
43:36Lovely.
43:37Lovely.
43:39Lovely.
43:39Now, one, three.
43:41WHISTLE BLOWS
43:42WHISTLE BLOWS
43:43OK.
43:44So, they've all survived.
43:45I think we need to go up to three-digit sequence.
43:47I agree.
43:47OK.
43:48Amy, two, one, three.
43:51WHISTLE BLOWS
43:52WHISTLE BLOWS
43:53Good.
43:53Three, two, one.
43:56WHISTLE BLOWS
43:58HE LAUGHS
43:58Two, two, one.
43:59WHISTLE BLOWS
44:01WHISTLE BLOWS
44:02ONE, ONE, THREE.
44:04WHISTLE BLOWS
44:05HE LAUGHS
44:07Two, one, three.
44:08WHISTLE BLOWS
44:09WHISTLE BLOWS
44:10LAUGHTER
44:12Three, three, two.
44:14WHISTLE BLOWS
44:15WHISTLE BLOWS
44:15Two, one, three.
44:16WHISTLE BLOWS
44:18WHISTLE BLOWS
44:19Oh, my God, that's so good.
44:20Should we go up to four?
44:21Should we go up to four?
44:22We're going to four.
44:23I'm starting with Joanna.
44:24Here we go.
44:25Two two three one
44:30One one two three
44:36One three two one
44:43One one two three
44:59Three three two one two two one three
45:08One two three one
45:12No
45:20Greg would you like to go up to five digit sequences? Oh my god, I would
45:25It's a semi-final so we're on to come out five. I'm the first guy to do five. You're the
45:29first guy ever to do
45:33One three two one two
45:46One one two three two
45:52Correct. Yes
45:55One two one three two
46:08Join me
46:10Mr. Armando energy
46:17Wow
46:18That was an absolute
46:20They were so good at making noises in the correct order weren't they the worst was Amy, but only just
46:25I mean you deserve more than one point
46:27But that's all you get
46:30Amy got one Joel two Camille three Joanna four Armando five which means the final scoreboard
46:36It's his second victory at the bottom
46:38It's his second victory at the bottom Amy and Joel the happy guys on ten points at the top Armando's
46:41got 22 points
46:47Please head to the stage to back your man to your puppy play
46:50Yeah
46:50Oh
46:52Oh
47:02Oh
47:03Oh
47:05Oh
47:07Oh
47:08Oh
47:09Oh
47:17Oh
47:19Oh
47:22Oh
47:23Oh
47:23Oh
47:23Oh
47:23Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
47:24Oh
Comments