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00:04Karen McClussey had always believed in helping others, whether they wanted her help or not.
00:12What's all this?
00:13You know how you never got around to painting your garage door?
00:16Well, it's done.
00:17Hope you like blue.
00:22Baxter, you found him.
00:24Yeah, and I got him neutered too.
00:26Figured you wouldn't want any more strays around here.
00:30Karen!
00:31Hi, Alberta.
00:32I took these down for you since, you know, Christmas was six months ago.
00:37Yes, Mrs. McCluskey's helping hand was known throughout Wisteria Lane.
00:41But on this day, it was about to get slapped.
00:45What the hell are you doing?
00:46Jeez, Edie, you scared me.
00:48What are you doing here?
00:50Getting Mike's house ready.
00:51He comes back from the hospital tomorrow.
00:52Says, when do you have a key to his garage?
00:54He gave me one, in case of an emergency.
00:57Don't lie to me, prune.
00:59Fine, I found it under his mat.
01:01Look, I'm not doing anything wrong.
01:02I just come over once a week and start his mower so the engine doesn't get rusty.
01:06And do you mow your lawn with it, too?
01:08What's the big deal?
01:09I'm doing him a favor.
01:10Well, he doesn't need any favors from you.
01:12I'm going to go through Mike's house room by room,
01:14and if I find as much as one paperclip missing, I'm calling the cops.
01:18Funny you should talk about stuff that's missing.
01:20I found those pictures of Mike and Susan you threw out.
01:24Pictures?
01:25Oh, don't act for me.
01:27I know that Mike's been having troubles with his memory.
01:29My guess?
01:30You don't want him to remember how crazy he was about his old girlfriend.
01:34I don't need to resort to deception to land a man.
01:37Oh, Edie, I saved the pictures.
01:41And I can show them to Mike anytime I like.
01:47Yes, Karen McCluskey believed in helping others.
01:51Where are you going with this?
01:53Which she felt gave her the ride
01:58to help herself.
02:02Each year, as part of their fundraising drive,
02:06the Fairview Adventure Scouts would award a shiny new bike
02:09to whoever sold the most magazine subscriptions.
02:12And each scout would set out,
02:14utterly convinced the prize would be hers.
02:19That's the beauty of youth.
02:21Little girls believe anything is possible.
02:25That is, until they grow up and get divorced.
02:29Hi.
02:30What if I told you there was a way you could help children
02:32while also reading your favorite magazines at a reduced price?
02:36Would you like to hear more?
02:38Sure, knock yourself out.
02:40Wise choice.
02:41For the lady of the house, we offer
02:43Red Book, Glamour, Vogue U.
02:46I think you mean Vogue, sweetie.
02:48You sure?
02:48I should know, I was on the cover.
02:52No way.
02:54Uh, way.
02:58Oh, see that coat I'm wearing in this shot?
03:00That's genuine ocelot fur.
03:03Although the photographer was the real animal,
03:05if you know what I'm saying.
03:09Which I hope you don't.
03:12And don't ever do drugs, okay?
03:14Being a model must be so amazing.
03:17Why did you stop?
03:19Well, I fell in love.
03:21Got married and moved to the suburbs
03:23for the whole fairytale happy ending thing.
03:26That was a crock.
03:29So, you going back to modeling?
03:31No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:33Why not?
03:34What else are you going to do?
03:39You're going back to modeling?
03:40This is so sudden.
03:42Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
03:43I'm just going to fly to New York,
03:44meet with my old agent,
03:45and take it from there.
03:49Come on, you guys.
03:50This is exciting.
03:51Be happy for me.
03:52Oh, we are.
03:53We're just going to miss you, that's all.
03:55Well, now that my divorce is final,
03:57I need a reason to wake up in the morning.
03:59I have this hole in my life
04:00that can't be filled by shopping.
04:03That's right, I said it.
04:08Oh, my gosh, Lynette.
04:09Oh.
04:13Get the kids.
04:14They're dying to see you.
04:16Hey.
04:17Hey.
04:18Oh, my gosh.
04:20You didn't have to do this.
04:22Hi.
04:23You look great.
04:24Well, apparently taking a 38 slug
04:26to the shoulder agrees with you.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Listen, about that,
04:30the kids don't know what happened.
04:32They don't?
04:32I thought they were a little young
04:33to deal with their mother getting shot.
04:35All I told them is Kayla
04:36is staying with her grandmother,
04:37and I made up a story
04:39about how I got hurt.
04:40Hey, Mom.
04:41Oh, here they are.
04:42Hey.
04:43Hello.
04:43Oh, this side.
04:44Hi.
04:45Hello.
04:46Yeah, I feel like you got
04:47in the fire with the hobo.
04:50Yeah.
04:51Well, let's see how well
04:52you do on a morphine trip.
04:53Mommy, come inside.
04:54We helped Mrs. McCluskey
04:56make your favorite lunch.
04:57Fantastic.
04:57Lead the way.
04:58I'm coming in.
04:59Hurry up.
05:00I'm happy.
05:00Let's go.
05:01There she is.
05:03Perfect.
05:06Hey.
05:08Hey, why don't you go inside
05:09and get the party started
05:10and I've got to...
05:11Okay?
05:11How are you, buddy?
05:12I'll be right there.
05:18Hey.
05:19Hey.
05:20Lynette.
05:21Yeah.
05:21You're home.
05:22Yeah.
05:23How are you doing?
05:24I'm good.
05:25I just...
05:28How do I...
05:30thank the man
05:31who saved my life?
05:33You don't have to say anything.
05:39I'm going to make you a cake.
05:42A cake?
05:42Yeah.
05:43I never make cakes.
05:44This is huge.
05:46In that case,
05:47thanks.
05:55Yeah, I'm going to make you a cake.
06:01Christmas carols?
06:02It's not even Thanksgiving.
06:03I'm starting my cards early this year.
06:05It puts me in the mood
06:06to spread holiday cheer.
06:08With the pack of lies
06:09in this family newsletter,
06:10she spreads holiday denial.
06:11Andrew, it's etiquette.
06:12Nobody wants to read the truth
06:14at Christmas.
06:15Well said, darling.
06:15Honey, would you put on another CD?
06:17Something with sleigh bells.
06:19Oh, by the way, Orson,
06:21I need your mother's address
06:22at the nursing home.
06:24Oh.
06:25Well, I appreciate the thought, darling,
06:27but you need to send her a card.
06:28Don't be silly.
06:29I'm sending one to the man
06:30who reads our gas meter.
06:31I can certainly send one to your mother.
06:32She's completely senile.
06:34She'll only try to dunk it in her coffee.
06:35Well, all the more reason
06:36to send her one.
06:37Let the nurses know
06:38that she has family at home
06:39who loves her
06:40and who could drop by at any minute
06:42and slap them with a lawsuit.
06:44Brie, I hear what you're saying.
06:46Orson, it's a big deal.
06:47It's just an address.
06:50Fine.
06:51I'll get my book.
06:52The home is somewhere
06:53over in Lakeview.
06:55Lakeview?
06:56Oh, you gave me the impression
06:57that she was back east.
06:58Well, that's because, frankly,
06:59I want her to avoid this conversation.
07:01But if she's only 30 minutes away,
07:03why haven't you been visiting her?
07:05Okay, the truth is
07:07it breaks my heart to see her now.
07:09I want to remember her as she was.
07:11But Orson...
07:12Brie, I refuse to sit in a room
07:14that smells of disinfectant
07:15and lime jello,
07:16making small talk
07:17with a woman
07:17who doesn't remember me.
07:18Now let it go, damn it!
07:26But, by all means,
07:27do send a card.
07:30The elves will tickle her.
07:39Well, shall we?
07:40Wait.
07:42Julie's going to know
07:42we came home early
07:43from the restaurant
07:44to check up on her.
07:44I don't want her to think
07:45I'm overprotective and clingy.
07:46The girl was held hostage.
07:48It's only natural
07:48you're going to be
07:49a little bit clingy.
07:50Yeah, it's been a week.
07:51I'm getting on her nerves.
07:52How about this?
07:53We came home early
07:54because we hated the restaurant.
07:56The service was dreadful
07:57and the lobster was inedible.
07:59Okay.
08:04Wait.
08:05If we hated the restaurant,
08:06then why are we bringing home food?
08:07Good point.
08:09Wait, wait, wait, wait!
08:09Are you kidding?
08:11That's lobster.
08:12Okay, I thought
08:13the restaurant was fantastic.
08:15And you were the fussy snob
08:17who was impossible to please.
08:19Why do I have to be
08:20the fussy snob?
08:21Because you're British.
08:23Fine.
08:24But I trust you'll make it up
08:25to me later
08:25by doing the things
08:26a gentleman expects
08:27when he's sprung for lobster.
08:42I'm not getting any tonight, am I?
08:48You're supposed to be having dinner.
08:49It's my fault.
08:50I found the restaurant
08:51to be absolutely...
08:51Oh, let it go.
08:52We came home
08:53because I was worried about you
08:54and with good reason.
08:56You put on your shirt
08:57and get out.
08:58Well, I didn't bring a shirt.
09:01See, I was out running and...
09:02Who cares?
09:03Go!
09:06How could you treat him like that?
09:07If Austin hadn't been in that supermarket,
09:09I might not be here.
09:09Yes, and I am grateful,
09:10but I found a way to say thank you
09:12without taking my top off.
09:13A couple of buttons came undone.
09:15It's not like my boobs were out.
09:16Okay, well, it's getting late
09:18and I really...
09:19No, Ian,
09:19am I overreacting here?
09:21Well, I can understand
09:22in the heels of a crisis
09:23two people might bond
09:24and find themselves...
09:26You're a very naughty girl.
09:28Julie,
09:29that boy drinks,
09:30he steals,
09:30and now I find him
09:31mauling you on my couch.
09:32That's it.
09:33I forbid you to see him.
09:34You can't do that.
09:35I choose who I date.
09:36Yeah?
09:36Well, I choose to ground you.
09:38Two weeks, baby.
09:39Fine, I'll just see him at school.
09:40Well, then you won't go to school.
09:41I'll homeschool you.
09:42Right, you're gonna teach me trig?
09:43You can't even balance
09:43your own checkbook.
09:44Yes, and you will be poorly educated
09:45and you won't get into college
09:46and you will work for minimum wage
09:48for the rest of your life
09:49all because of that boy.
09:50I hope you're happy.
09:52Mom,
09:53I like this guy
09:54and I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy,
09:56but I'm going to keep seeing him.
10:07Ta-da!
10:09Doesn't the place look great?
10:12I came in and straightened up.
10:14I wanted everything to look nice for you.
10:18You okay?
10:21Yeah.
10:22Yeah, it's just that
10:24I'm home,
10:25but it doesn't really feel like home.
10:28It will.
10:29Give it time.
10:31The important thing
10:32is that you're back from the hospital
10:34and every day you're getting better.
10:36Hey,
10:38the worst is behind you.
10:44I need the Delphino search warrant.
10:46We're not getting at it
10:47without probable cause.
10:48The guy's phone number
10:49was written on a dead girl's hand.
10:50The judge is gonna need more.
10:52I thought you might say that.
10:53Here's Monique Paulyer's lab work.
10:55The inputs of Prosca
10:57match paint fragments
10:58in the head wound
10:59to the proximal line
11:00of pipe wrenches.
11:01They're high-end,
11:02only used by professional plumbers.
11:04And guess what our boy Delphino does
11:06for a living?
11:09I'll see what I can do.
11:13What do you mean you can't shoot her?
11:15Francesco,
11:15if you can airbrush her acne,
11:17you can airbrush the track marks.
11:19Now don't call me again
11:19unless she ODs.
11:21Gabrielle,
11:22my petite fie.
11:25See it!
11:26You look amazing!
11:27Younger than ever!
11:29It's my new dermal filler.
11:30It's banned here,
11:31so my assistant smuggles it in from Brazil.
11:32Isn't it fun?
11:33I have my own drug mule.
11:36That's great!
11:37Well, I have some fun news of my own.
11:40I'm ready to model again.
11:41Really?
11:42Oh.
11:43The last time we spoke,
11:44you couldn't wait to quit.
11:45You were giving it all up for love.
11:47What happened to Prince Charming?
11:50Divorce.
11:52Oh, single again.
11:54Isn't that ironic?
11:55Since I'm the one you called...
11:56Oh, how did you put it?
11:58A career-obsessed lesbo
11:59who would die alone
12:00and be eaten by her cats.
12:03Did I say that?
12:05Water under the bridge.
12:06I thought it was funny.
12:08It's even funnier now.
12:11Look, Marcella, I'm back.
12:12And we made such a great team before,
12:14and I think we can be again.
12:16I don't know, darling.
12:17Things are different now.
12:18You're not going to be able
12:19to jump right back in
12:20where you left off.
12:21I just want to work.
12:23Boy, I'm still not sure.
12:25You know what might help?
12:27If you groveled.
12:30Are you serious?
12:33Well, I can't tell
12:34because your face doesn't move anymore.
12:36No, I'm joking.
12:37Welcome back, darling.
12:45Hi.
12:46I love it.
12:54Well, hello there.
12:57How pretty you look today.
12:59It's wonderful that you're up and about.
13:01You must be enjoying these colorful blues.
13:08Why are you talking to me
13:09like I'm a moron?
13:12Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
13:14The nurse pointed me over here.
13:16I'm looking for Gloria Hodge.
13:18I'm Gloria Hodge.
13:19Who might you be?
13:25I must say I'm surprised
13:26at how lucid you are.
13:28Morrison led me to believe
13:29that I was in the final stages of dementia.
13:31No, I'm afraid
13:32that's just wishful thinking on his part.
13:34How can he feel that way?
13:36You're his mother.
13:37I wouldn't judge him too harshly.
13:39Ours is a complicated relationship.
13:42There is love, to be sure.
13:44But we have a way
13:45of disappointing each other.
13:47Well, how does he disappoint you?
13:50He's cold, rigid,
13:53and utterly incapable
13:55of letting go of the past.
13:57And how do you disappoint him?
14:00I refuse to die.
14:04Yes, I see.
14:05Well, surely this rift
14:06isn't irreparable.
14:09Do you know how people
14:10in nursing homes
14:11spend their days free?
14:13They think about the past
14:16and all the things
14:16they'd do differently
14:17if they had the chance.
14:20Please tell Orson
14:21that I'm sorry.
14:23And in spite of everything,
14:24I still love him.
14:28Well, I have a better idea.
14:29Why don't you tell him yourself?
14:38That would be great.
14:39I really appreciate it.
14:41Okay, thank you.
14:44So, what did Ed say?
14:44When do you have to go back to work?
14:45He said,
14:46take as much time as I want
14:47with pay.
14:48How was your day?
14:48Wow.
14:49You should get gunned down
14:50more often.
14:52Hey, there they are.
14:54Hey, guys.
14:55Hello.
14:55How was school?
14:58Mommy, were you shot?
15:00Shot?
15:01Where did you hear that?
15:03Jordan Blackwell.
15:04Oh, that's the same little creeper
15:06trying to ruin Santa Claus.
15:08And he said that the same crazy lady
15:10that shot you
15:10killed Aunt Nora dead.
15:12It was on the news and everything.
15:14Hey, listen, kids.
15:15I am sorry.
15:16We shouldn't have lied.
15:17But sometimes parents
15:18want to protect kids
15:19from scary things.
15:21And look,
15:21the good news is
15:22Mommy's fine now.
15:24And we'll all see
15:25Auntie Nora again
15:27in heaven.
15:29Or wherever.
15:31Did they let you
15:31keep the bullets?
15:33No.
15:33No, I'm afraid not.
15:34They had blows.
15:35We wanted to bring them
15:36for show and tell.
15:42Hi, sweetheart.
15:43Are you okay?
15:44When does the crazy lady
15:45come back?
15:48She won't.
15:50How do you know?
15:52Well,
15:53because she's
15:55up in heaven
15:56with Auntie Nora.
15:58Or wherever.
16:08Julie Meyer!
16:10You get back here!
16:11You're grounded, remember?
16:19Edie Fritt!
16:20I want to talk to you.
16:22Oh,
16:22I just survived
16:24a hostage situation.
16:25Haven't I suffered
16:26enough for one week?
16:27You keep your nephew
16:28away from my daughter
16:29or else.
16:30Look,
16:30I don't like it either.
16:31But the harder
16:32we try to keep them apart,
16:33the more they're going
16:34to fight to be together.
16:35Just let it run its course.
16:38Are you crazy?
16:39If we don't do something,
16:40those two could end up
16:41having sex.
16:42Could?
16:43Oh my God.
16:45You don't...
16:46Let me put it this way.
16:47I've got a box of condoms
16:49in my dresser.
16:50Eleven are gone.
16:51I can only account
16:52for eight of them.
16:54How can you be
16:55so calm about this?
16:56Edie?
16:57Yeah?
16:58Can you help me
16:59with this tie?
17:04Oh,
17:05hey.
17:06Mike,
17:07you're out of the hospital.
17:09Yeah,
17:10he's home.
17:11In fact,
17:12we're going to go out
17:12and celebrate tonight.
17:14I'll be with you
17:15in one sec,
17:16okay, babe?
17:21Since you asked,
17:22I'm calm
17:23because I know
17:24if two people
17:24are meant to be together,
17:25there's nothing
17:26anyone can do about it.
17:33Okay,
17:34I should be back
17:35at around six.
17:36They can have one snack,
17:37try and push apples,
17:38but if they threaten violence,
17:39I have an emergency candy bar
17:41under the sink.
17:41Not anymore,
17:42you don't.
17:42Oh,
17:43jeez.
17:45Mommy,
17:46where are you coming?
17:47To the market.
17:48No!
17:50Hey,
17:50sweetie,
17:51it's a different market.
17:52You're going to get shot again.
17:53No,
17:54I won't.
17:54Lots of mommies
17:55go to the store
17:56every day
17:56and they're fine.
17:57It's really
17:57not a scary place.
17:59You went to the store
17:59and you got shot.
18:01And Auntie Nora died.
18:06I'm only going to be
18:07in there ten minutes,
18:08I promise.
18:10Can't she go?
18:13Fine, Uncle.
18:15Thanks.
18:17Don't give a hoot
18:18if I get shot,
18:19do you, kid?
18:35You must be Tanya.
18:37I'm Gabrielle.
18:38We're going to be
18:38co-models today.
18:41Now,
18:42I don't know
18:42if you've ever done
18:43one of these big shoots before,
18:45but don't be nervous.
18:46Dirk and I are old friends.
18:48He's a sweetheart.
18:49Now,
18:50just remember,
18:50he's the king.
18:51Do exactly what he says
18:52and you'll be fine.
18:56I've been modeling
18:57for two years.
18:58I've done six magazine covers
18:59and I'm sleeping with Dirk and...
19:03Well,
19:04I guess you're all set then.
19:06You've got some wardrobe choices.
19:10Hey!
19:11Oh!
19:12Wow!
19:13Oh!
19:15I want to be buried
19:16in this dress.
19:17This is for Tanya.
19:19The mom's stuff
19:20is at the end.
19:22Mom?
19:25Okay, love.
19:26Let's get the blood pumping.
19:27The concept
19:28is lock up your daughters.
19:29Okay?
19:30Get to work, everybody.
19:32Tanya,
19:33I want you to hop her down here
19:34on the lawn
19:34looking absolutely delicious.
19:36Thank you very much.
19:38And up here on the porch,
19:39mom and dad
19:39looking all scandalized.
19:41Excuse me, Dirk and...
19:42Yes, love.
19:44It's Gabby.
19:47Gabrielle Marquez,
19:48you shot me in Milan,
19:49remember?
19:50Yes, yes.
19:52Lovely to see you again.
19:53Did you have a question?
19:55I do.
19:58Aren't you a little worried
19:59that I'm going to pull focus?
20:01I mean,
20:01it's a little confusing.
20:02People are going to see Tanya
20:04and then they're going to
20:05see that guy
20:07and they're going to wonder
20:08who I am.
20:09You're the mom.
20:11Yeah.
20:13People aren't going to buy that.
20:14So here's what I was thinking.
20:15I slap on one of those gowns,
20:17I play Tanya's big sister
20:19home from college
20:20to raise a little help.
20:23And we're going to
20:23cram all that
20:24on a subtitle, are we?
20:26I'm sorry.
20:27It's just this outfit
20:27is hideous.
20:28Just make it work.
20:31Fine.
20:32Just need a moment
20:33to get into character.
20:39Gabrielle,
20:40what's the holdup?
20:40We've got to get moving here.
20:42Ready, ready.
20:47What's that?
20:48Oh, I made it work.
20:49I'm hot, Mom.
20:54Get me out, agent.
21:00Before we begin,
21:02would either of you
21:02like some cookies,
21:03milk, lemonade, perhaps?
21:05Mom, why are we here?
21:07Ah, cutting to the chase.
21:09I like it.
21:14I have a confession to make.
21:16This whole dating drama
21:17has been keeping me up at night.
21:18And I hate being
21:19the bitchy, naggy mom.
21:21When it comes to parenting,
21:22I am much more comfortable
21:23playing the good cop.
21:24Do you see where I'm going
21:25with this, kids?
21:27No.
21:28Oh.
21:29Well, in that case,
21:31meet the bad cop.
21:35Daddy!
21:35Hey, baby girl.
21:37That the guy?
21:38Yep.
21:40Get him.
21:46This is so unfair.
21:48Look, you defied my wishes,
21:49you broke my rules.
21:50Did you really think
21:51I was just going to
21:51throw in the towel?
21:52Face it.
21:53I outsmarted you.
22:02Who's Ian?
22:03What?
22:04You're dating some
22:05British guy named Ian.
22:06How did that come up?
22:08I'm sorry.
22:09I didn't realize
22:09it was a big secret.
22:11When you said
22:12it was true love
22:12with you and the plumber,
22:14I was a good guy.
22:15I stepped aside,
22:16and now you're
22:17on to someone else.
22:18Big picture, Carl.
22:19His hand.
22:19Up our daughter's shirt.
22:21Don't change the subject.
22:22That is the subject.
22:24How serious is it
22:24with this Ian guy?
22:26I don't know.
22:27It's complicated.
22:28Yeah, he's kind of married.
22:31He's what?
22:32It's not what you think.
22:34Well, in her defense,
22:35his wife is in a coma.
22:38All right, that's it.
22:39All right?
22:39I forbid you to see this guy.
22:41What?
22:42No, I don't take orders from you.
22:44Mom has a point, Dad.
22:45You can't tell a woman
22:46who she can and can't date.
22:47It's her choice.
22:47Exactly.
22:49Wait, no.
22:49That does not apply to you.
22:51You know, if you don't care
22:52about my feelings,
22:53I don't know what I'm doing here.
22:54Your feelings?
22:55My God!
22:56You are the worst bad cop ever!
22:59Ugh!
23:01Go to your room.
23:05Not you.
23:12Get back!
23:12You're under arrest!
23:13No, no!
23:16Hey, buddy,
23:16you've been reading comic books
23:17for a while.
23:18Don't you want to go and play?
23:20No.
23:21I want to stay with you.
23:22Yeah?
23:24Okay.
23:34Hey, Yard.
23:37Oh, hey!
23:37How are you?
23:38Good.
23:39Um, listen,
23:39as if saving my life
23:41wasn't enough,
23:41I have a little favor to ask.
23:43Sure.
23:44What's up?
23:44My kids are having a hard time.
23:46They were pretty freaked out
23:47by that whole supermarket thing.
23:49You're my hostage!
23:50Keep moving or I'll blow your face off!
23:52Okay, it's my turn!
23:53Give me the gun!
23:54Not so much for them.
23:56But my other son,
23:57Parker.
23:59So,
24:00back to the favor.
24:05Hey, Parker.
24:06I want you to meet
24:08our new neighbor,
24:09Art.
24:10He lives in the house
24:10across the street.
24:11His sister has the cool wheelchair
24:12with the joystick.
24:14Hey there, Parker.
24:15Hi.
24:19In the daytime,
24:21Art coaches swimming
24:22at the rec center.
24:23But,
24:25please,
24:26can I tell Parker,
24:26please?
24:27Compromise my secret identity?
24:29No way,
24:29Mrs. Scalvo.
24:30No way.
24:32Secret identity?
24:34Oh,
24:35great.
24:36Now the cat's out of the bag.
24:37Might as well tell him.
24:39It's okay.
24:40You can trust him.
24:42Really,
24:42Art
24:43is the one
24:44who saved me
24:44at the supermarket.
24:46He's sort of a
24:47superhero.
24:47Superhero.
24:51Give me a break.
24:55It's true.
24:58All right.
25:00If you're a superhero,
25:01what's your name?
25:02I'm
25:04Protector Man.
25:06Because I protect people
25:08from bad guys.
25:11Hmm.
25:13You don't believe me,
25:14do you?
25:16Okay.
25:18I really shouldn't
25:19do this,
25:21but...
25:23Wow!
25:24Did you really
25:25save my mom?
25:27I really did.
25:29He really did.
25:31That's why
25:32you don't have to worry.
25:33That's
25:34Protector Man's job.
25:36Your job
25:36is to run
25:37and play
25:38and have fun.
25:39Okay?
25:43Okay.
25:52Oh.
25:53My cousin
25:54went to Purdue.
26:06What the hell?
26:10Alfino!
26:11Nice to see you
26:12up in the box.
26:15Here's a search warrant.
26:16Search warrant?
26:17Where did you see that?
26:23How are we doing?
26:24We couldn't find a toolbox.
26:27The man's a plumber.
26:28Keep looking.
26:30Sir,
26:31I can't find a thing.
26:31You tired?
26:32Uh-huh.
26:39You.
26:40Come with me.
26:41Marcella.
26:42Look,
26:43I don't know
26:43what they told you,
26:44but all I'm asking for
26:45is a simple costume change.
26:46You don't get to pull
26:46diva crap.
26:47Tanya gets away with it
26:48because she's a star.
26:49You are nothing.
26:51Where do you get off
26:51talking to me like that?
26:52I shot 36 covers
26:53by the time I was 20.
26:54Well,
26:55you're 30 now.
26:57When you make that face,
26:58you look 35.
27:01Too many photographers
27:02would die to work with me again.
27:03Yeah?
27:04Zero.
27:05I had to call in
27:05major favors
27:06just to get you this job.
27:07I don't believe that.
27:08Well,
27:09you know what I don't believe?
27:09You gave up a brilliant career
27:11to play house in the suburbs,
27:12and the minute it falls apart,
27:14you come back here
27:14expecting a homecoming parade.
27:15Well,
27:16guess what,
27:16sweetie?
27:17We've moved on.
27:19Now get your polyester ass
27:21over there
27:22and act like the pro
27:23you used to be.
27:30Beautiful, Tanya.
27:31That's a chin up.
27:32Fantastic.
27:33Mother,
27:33hold the plate.
27:34Clear.
27:39Beautiful, Tanya.
27:40Oh, you are gorgeous.
27:42Yes, girl.
27:42Lovely, lovely.
27:46Hiya, Mike.
27:47Welcome home.
27:47You remember me?
27:48Yeah, I think so.
27:50The corner house
27:51with all the gnomes out front?
27:52You're thinking of Martha Hooper.
27:54Terrible story.
27:55Someone beat her to death
27:57and then buried her in the forest.
27:58Ironic, huh?
27:59Isn't that where gnomes live?
28:01I don't really know
28:02that much about gnomes.
28:04Anyway,
28:04I know the cops were here earlier.
28:07So?
28:08You won't remember this,
28:09but one night,
28:10two years ago,
28:10you drove me to the hospital
28:12after I had an attack of angina.
28:14Probably saved my life.
28:16Anyway,
28:16I figure I owe you.
28:17Here.
28:19You might want to wash
28:20that wrench off.
28:21It's got something on it.
28:28Sorry I'm late.
28:29Mrs. Prescott broke a crown and...
28:33Orson, how well you look.
28:37Hello, Mother.
28:39A word, darling?
28:46I can't believe you did this.
28:49And I can't believe you told me
28:50that she was senile.
28:51You lied to me.
28:52Yes, Desperis,
28:53the misery of her company.
28:54You don't know her, Bree.
28:55She's a loathsome woman
28:56and I refuse to break bread with her.
28:58Now you listen to me.
28:59That woman gave you life
29:01and the Fifth Commandment
29:02tells us to honor our parents
29:03no matter how hideous
29:04or repellent they may be.
29:05That's not exactly what...
29:06Orson,
29:06it's implied.
29:08Now get out there
29:09and show her some respect.
29:11Fine.
29:11But if you expect anything more
29:13from me than forced civility,
29:14you will be deeply disappointed.
29:21Bree, the salmon is superb.
29:24It did win me the blue ribbon
29:25at the Gourmet County cook-off.
29:27I just love the sauce.
29:28What gives it that kick?
29:30Ah, ah, ah!
29:30You'd never ask a magician
29:32how a trick is done.
29:35It barely touched your salmon, dear.
29:38Is everything okay?
29:40Yes.
29:41I was just wondering
29:42why you're here.
29:45I want us to be friends.
29:47Okay.
29:49Now suppose I just had
29:50a massive head injury
29:51and believe you,
29:52we're pals.
29:52Now what do you want?
29:53Orson,
29:54why does she have to have
29:55an ulterior motive?
29:59I want out of that home.
30:01Ah, there it is.
30:02It's a hellhole.
30:03Besides,
30:04I'm perfectly healthy now.
30:05My hip is better,
30:06I can handle the stairs,
30:07and you said
30:08when I got strong enough
30:10I get to go back to my house.
30:11Oh, here's the thing.
30:13I sold it.
30:15What?
30:17You heard me.
30:19What about my things?
30:22All gone.
30:23Oh, I also sold the car.
30:24See, that's the thing
30:25about hellholes.
30:26They don't pay for themselves.
30:27How dare you!
30:29You have no right!
30:31Okay,
30:32maybe I will share
30:32my secret ingredient.
30:34I should have smothered you
30:35in your crib
30:36when I had the chance.
30:37Abrica!
30:38There, it's out.
30:40That's the mother
30:41I remember.
30:42I was wondering
30:43when she'd show up.
30:45Yes, Orson.
30:46I am your mother.
30:48So you,
30:49more than anyone,
30:50should know
30:50how I deal
30:51with betrayal.
30:59So,
31:00can we call her
31:01grandma?
31:13I've got one more load
31:14and then I'm gonna
31:14do my homework.
31:15Do you have anything
31:16you want me to throw in?
31:17No, I'm good.
31:18Thanks.
31:24Mom, listen.
31:26I know I've put you
31:27through the ringer lately
31:28and I'm sorry.
31:31Sixteen years
31:31of being perfect.
31:32You were due.
31:35That's what I don't get.
31:37You've always
31:37trusted my judgment.
31:39Why can't you
31:40trust me about Austin?
31:44Relationships
31:44have nothing to do
31:45with good judgment.
31:46It doesn't matter
31:47how smart you are.
31:49You can still get hurt.
31:52You do your homework.
31:53I'm gonna finish
31:54the laundry.
31:56Okay.
32:12There you go,
32:13Mrs. H.
32:15All right.
32:18Come use your bathroom.
32:19Just come on in.
32:23Please,
32:24stay for dessert.
32:25I'll work on Orson
32:26and we'll discuss
32:27this together.
32:28You saw what
32:28he sentenced me to.
32:29A room no better
32:30than a furnished coffin.
32:32I have nothing
32:33to say to him.
32:34Well, then talk to me.
32:35I know you're upset,
32:36but don't shut me out,
32:37please.
32:39Please, Gloria.
32:40Let me in.
32:43Well, I didn't mean
32:44it literally,
32:45but okay.
32:47We'll, um,
32:48we'll sit together
32:48and we'll talk.
32:49What are you doing?
32:50I'm not going back
32:51to that place.
32:52Ah!
32:53Gloria, stop!
32:55Let's get my mother
32:56back to the home,
32:56shall we?
32:57Yeah, uh,
32:58not that it's any
32:58of my business,
32:59but, uh,
33:00is everything okay
33:00with you folks?
33:01Oh, yeah.
33:02There was a little tension
33:02earlier,
33:03but I think it's all
33:03been misoff.
33:04Oh.
33:08Oh.
33:10What the hell?
33:18No, I absolutely
33:19forbid it.
33:20Just for a few weeks
33:21till we find a place
33:21where she'll be happier.
33:23You should hurt her
33:24in the car.
33:25She's absolutely miserable
33:26in that nursing home.
33:27I don't care.
33:28My mother's not moving
33:29in here till she fits
33:30in a jar on the mantle.
33:31How can you be so cold?
33:34You don't know
33:34who she is.
33:36I've worked my entire
33:37life to get away
33:38from that woman.
33:39Why?
33:39What could she possibly
33:40have done to make
33:41you hate her so much?
33:44Look, there's nothing
33:45to be gained
33:45by dredging up the past.
33:47Orson,
33:48if there's something
33:49I should know,
33:51could I speak
33:52to my son a moment?
33:56Of course.
34:02So, you know,
34:04I decided to accept
34:05your wife's kind invitation.
34:08I won't allow it.
34:10Oh, I think you will.
34:11We're going to end
34:12our quarrel.
34:13Right now.
34:14Or I'll tell your wife
34:16what it's about.
34:18You wouldn't.
34:20Just try me.
34:21I gave you life.
34:23You know I won't hesitate
34:25to take it away.
34:35Now give mother a kiss.
34:37Why in the hell
34:38would I want to do that?
34:40To make it look real.
35:03I gave you a hug,
35:04but I'm really sweaty.
35:05So how was New York?
35:06Oh, it was fine.
35:07Reese said you got a job
35:08on the first day.
35:09You're such a star.
35:09I want details.
35:11Oh, you know,
35:12just hours and hours
35:13of sitting around
35:14looking pretty.
35:16I think I'm done
35:16with modeling.
35:18So you're not
35:19going to move to New York?
35:19Well, if something
35:20great comes up,
35:21I might fly out,
35:22but I'm pretty settled here.
35:25Oh, thank God.
35:26We were all so worried
35:27we were losing you.
35:28Okay, now I'm hugging you.
35:32Oh, it's amazing.
35:33Your life is such an adventure.
35:35Can't wait to see
35:35what you do next.
35:38Yeah, me too.
35:51Mr. Protector Man?
35:55Shh, that's a secret.
35:57Hello?
35:58Hello?
36:00Hello?
36:03Oh, sweet!
36:08Mom, look!
36:10Hey, don't touch anything.
36:12I'm just going to write a note
36:13and then we'll go.
36:16Okay.
36:19Parker!
36:20Hey!
36:22Come back here.
36:24Honey?
36:25Come on, we're leaving.
36:28Parker!
36:30Parker!
36:31Parker, come on,
36:31we're leaving.
36:32Why didn't you come
36:34when I called?
36:40Superhero houses
36:41are great!
36:42Right here!
37:16Parker, come on. We're going to get out of here.
37:18I just said so. Come on.
37:26There are so many things we wish we could tell the young.
37:31We'd like to persuade them not to grow up so fast.
37:36But they won't listen.
37:39We want to tell them that beauty fades.
37:43But they refuse to believe it.
37:47We warn them that their actions will have consequences.
37:53But still, they defy us.
37:56Sadly, the young can't begin to understand the world is a dangerous place.
38:02So it's up to us to do anything we can to protect them.
38:08What if I told you there's a way you can help children?
38:12Absolutely anything.