00:00Hello. Oh my god. Who is it? My name's Tim. Is this Father Christmas?
00:04F*** off. Is that Dave? No. It's you, isn't it, Dave?
00:08It's no, it's... You alright, lad? My name's Tim. I got this number of Father Christmas when I seen him
00:14in the shopping centre.
00:15And I said to ring him just before Christmas to make sure I've been a good boy.
00:20Oh, Christ. Um... Is this, is this not Father Christmas?
00:24Hang on a minute, mate. I'll get him for you. Hello? Hello?
00:27Hello? Oh my god, is this Father... Hello, is that Father Christmas?
00:32Yes, yes, it's Father Christmas. Oh my god, it's Santa. It's me. It's Tim.
00:37I sat on your knee and he asked for presents last year.
00:40I can't wait to see you again, but will you give me a favour this year, Father Christmas?
00:46No, you're gone. Will you just leave my mum alone?
00:48Like, don't touch my mum this year. I went into my mum's room because she was screaming.
00:54I thought she stood on her plug. I could have swore it was you wrestling my mum.
00:59No, it wouldn't be me.
01:00Well, he had the same beard on and everything that you did.
01:04It's probably a f***ing of your mum's. It wouldn't have been me.
01:07She loves feta cheese. But I don't know what that's got to do with anything.
01:11Yeah, she's a big girl.
01:12We've seen Mrs now.
01:13Yeah, she's my face.
01:14What's Mrs Claus like? Is she lovely?
01:17She's really nice. I love her very much.
01:20And we've been together for centuries.
01:23So why are you going there, my mum?
01:24I don't know. Not sure how to answer that to someone.
01:27How old are you?
01:28I'm three nearly six.
01:29I think I know which Tim this is now.
01:31How many elves have you got working for you?
01:33Three hundred and ninety-two.
01:35Oh my God.
01:36Do you know why they're called elves?
01:37Why?
01:38It stands for evil little...
01:40Hey, I tell you what.
01:41Would you like to come to Lapland and meet them?
01:43I'll send you as far away from me and your mum as you can go.
01:46Oh, an aeroplane.
01:48Can't you get the reindeer to bring me?
01:50Oh, you have some bloody reindeer.
01:51I thought you lived in the North Pole.
01:53No, Lapland. North Pole's me summer house.
01:56Maybe I should put a new dad on my Christmas list.
01:59That's a good...
02:00I'm sure your mum, especially your mum,
02:02could arrange a real dad again.
02:03Another one.
02:04And you're just exactly the same as my mum as well.
02:07I don't mean ugly.
02:08I mean, you're exactly the same as my mum
02:11because she only works one day a year.
02:14Is she fat as well?
02:15Is she Maffis?
02:16Maffis, would she fit in my suit?
02:18In my red suit?
02:19No chance.
02:21No chance.
02:22She's too big.
02:23So Uncle Barry said one night
02:25he was laying on top of her.
02:26He rolled over twice.
02:27He was still on her.
02:30You're very cruel to your mother.
02:32I'm not sure you can stay on the nice list, you know.
02:34No, don't tell my mum this.
02:35Show your mouth.
02:36Will you just make sure you stay off my mum?
02:38Well, yes.
02:39On Christmas Eve,
02:40you go to bed nice and early
02:41and stay asleep for about 14 days.
02:43That's called a coma.
02:45That'll do.
02:45Oh my God.
02:46Right, I'll...
02:47Whatever you say for.
02:48Have a Christmas.
02:49Okay, Tim.
02:50Oh, it was good to speak to you.
02:51It's been lovely speaking to you as well.
02:53Oh, I'll see you in a few weeks, Santa.
02:56Be good.
02:57I love you.
02:57Love you too, Tim.
02:58Bye-bye.
02:59I love you.
03:00Bye.
03:01Bye.
03:02You better stay off my mum.
03:03Bye-bye.
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