00:00Stop messaging!
00:03Hello?
00:04No, I need the account holder!
00:06Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on!
00:08You're having a laugh with me now, mate!
00:10I've asked three times!
00:11Hi there, who am I speaking to?
00:13My name's Tim.
00:14Tim, hi there, my name's John, I'm calling from Fastnet.com.
00:17What are you ringing the brother for?
00:19I've just phoned your brother to offer him an absolutely fantastic deal on your broadband service in the house.
00:24Have you got your brother's permission to take the call?
00:27Yeah.
00:27Are you allowed to make decisions on his behalf?
00:29Yeah, can I have decisions?
00:31Who's your current broadband supplier then?
00:33Mum, mum, mum, she supplies our broadband.
00:37I meant, was it Virgin or something like that?
00:39Did you just call me a name?
00:41No, not at all!
00:42Tim, can you put your brother back on, please?
00:45Hello?
00:46Hello?
00:47Hiya.
00:48Is this yourself the patron broadband?
00:50No, no, no.
00:51It's actually, it's actually, um, we've got a weird situation in my house.
00:54My mum's really, like, in need of care, so it's actually our uncle that does it.
00:57Oh, thank you.
00:58And I'll pass you on to him.
00:59Oh, great.
01:00Thanks very much.
01:01Right, two seconds.
01:02Hello?
01:05Hello?
01:07Are you alright?
01:08Who am I speaking to, sorry?
01:10My name's Banner.
01:11What's your name?
01:12Me?
01:13John?
01:13How do you get your card details?
01:15There's a deposit for your new broadband deal.
01:17I don't, I don't, I don't do card, I only do cash.
01:22No, it's got to be over the phone.
01:24I can't give you cash over the phone, can you stupid pellet?
01:27Well, I'll tell you what we'll do then, right?
01:29If you give me your bank details today.
01:31Well, you're not listening, I don't, I don't have any bank details.
01:35I lost my bank account when I went to jail.
01:38We'll give you the £200 signing up.
01:40If you, quick.
01:42For the first six months.
01:43Are you going to give me that?
01:44I'm not going to bank details.
01:45You're going to ship it over in a picture.
01:50Is there anyone there that can help me with bank details?
01:52No, it's you.
01:53Has anybody got a credit or debit card?
01:55Yeah, everyone's got a credit or debit card.
01:58It's not me.
01:59Well, go and get them then.
02:00Oh, right, one minute.
02:02One minute.
02:05Hello?
02:06Oh, God.
02:07Right, listen.
02:09I need to get credit or debit card number
02:15so that we can take the deposit for your book.
02:17Otherwise, all your online games won't work, Tim.
02:21Right, well, I've got a card.
02:24Fantastic.
02:25What's the number on the front of it?
02:2975p.
02:29That's the number.
02:30That's how much your card costs.
02:32It's my birthday card, but my mum left her a price tag on the back of it.
02:36Stop messing.
02:37You're a dummy card for Christ's sake.
02:41Jesus.
02:42How many people are supposed to be here for 20?
02:44This is stupid.
02:46I might have a Christmas card.
02:48No.
02:49Are you still here?
02:51I'm still here?
02:52I have no idea why I'm still here.
02:56Because it's funny, innit?
02:57Because it's funny.
02:58Listen.
02:59What?
02:59It's not funny if I don't get paid.
03:01Hiya.
03:02I've had a missed call from this number.
03:05Oh, this is Mary from BetterNet.
03:07I see you've expressed interest in upgrading your broadband.
03:11Does faster internet sound good to you?
03:13I don't know where this has come from.
03:15We're offering, actually, a really special deal today.
03:18Ultra fast speeds and zero setup fee, if that sounds good.
03:21Right.
03:21I might have to speak to my wife before I agree to anything.
03:26Yeah, let me just grab her one second.
03:29Okay.
03:29Hello.
03:31Hello.
03:32Hello.
03:35I need an adult or guardian on the line before I can continue.
03:39Yes, this is me, Mrs Bradbury.
03:42I'm sorry, I can't proceed unless I can confirm that this is the account holder.
03:47One moment.
03:49Hello.
03:50Hello.
03:50Hi.
03:52What are you ringing for?
03:54Well, we've got a really, really good family plan.
03:58The deal that we've got is to really help families with really super fast speeds, zero setup fee.
04:04Really?
04:05With this special deal.
04:05Because me, my mum and my Uncle Barry, we always go to family planning clinic all the time.
04:13No, this is actually for internet.
04:15I'm calling from BetterNet UK.
04:17Internet.
04:18Yeah, BetterNet UK.
04:19That's what I can watch YouTube on, innit?
04:23I watch YouTube on the internet.
04:26I understand.
04:28I really, really need to speak to Tim right now to lock in this deal.
04:31Okay, my name's Tim.
04:34Right, can I confirm that you are the account holder?
04:36No.
04:36I need the account holder to process this deal.
04:38Okay, one minute.
04:41Are you the one that pays the bills?
04:43Yeah, I am.
04:44Do you want the bank details?
04:46Yes.
04:47Let me just grab my wallet.
04:48Hello?
04:51What?
04:52You want what?
04:53What do you want?
04:55Yeah, I'm not after speaking to a child.
04:57I need an adult on the line so that I can process really good deal through.
05:00Is it really good deal?
05:03Yes.
05:04Because Tim, he's just going to get the bank card from his wallet.
05:08Yeah, great.
05:09Can I have the adult back on the phone, please?
05:11Yeah, let me just, let me, I'll tell you what.
05:13Give me Uncle Barry, he's got more money.
05:15One second.
05:16No, I need the account holder on the phone.
05:20You alright?
05:21Hello?
05:22Hello, what's your name?
05:25No, I need Tim, Brad Pitt, I need Tim on the line, the account holder.
05:29Can you go and get him, please?
05:30Yeah, my name's, my name's Barry and I've got money.
05:34Hello?
05:35No, not you!
05:37Okay.
05:38Not you!
05:38Hello?
05:39Is anybody there?
05:40Hello?
05:41Hiya mate, my name's Derek, I'm calling from Insulation UK Limited.
05:46Hi.
05:47Hiya, is your mum our dad there?
05:49I've rang because your area's popped up on our system as having no insulation around your house.
05:56Now we've got a great offer on at this minute in time that's backed up by the government.
06:00And it's all free, that's why I want to speak to your mum, is she there?
06:03No, she's in back, the lazy pig.
06:07I'm okay then, no problem, no problem.
06:09Well, how old are you mate?
06:11I'm, I'm three nearly six, but...
06:14Okay, well that's old enough to understand what I'm trying to say to you about the insulation for the house.
06:20As I said, it's free from the government that they come round and assess it and stuff like that,
06:25but all we need is a £500 payment up front to send the guy out, the assessor, who assesses the
06:32house.
06:32If there's a debit card, your mum's debit card lying around the house.
06:36Can we just come back to the word free?
06:38Yeah, it's just free mate, that means you don't have to pay for it in the long run.
06:44Okay, so we'll fast forward to £500.
06:48That's just to get the assessor out, that's refundable to you in a fortnight's time when they've done all the
06:54assessments.
06:55Okay, just someone to come out and go, yeah, you need insulation.
06:58Give me £500 and I'll tell you if you need installation or not.
07:03No, we're the professionals mate, you're not...
07:05I'm a professional. I can go round to my girlfriend's house and I'll be like, well, it's cold in here.
07:11Give me £500 and I'll tell you to put your coat on.
07:14Listen, listen, listen mate. What?
07:16My time is valuable, okay? I've got other people to call in your area as well,
07:20because they're suffering the same fate as what you're suffering in your house, the freezing cold.
07:24Don't let me get angry, just go and get the card and give me the details.
07:28Right, I've got a card.
07:3016 of them, read them out for me.
07:32Oh no, this is a birthday card.
07:35No, no, a bank card mate.
07:38Right, have you got it? Right, turn them on now and I'll see in a bit, okay?
07:42Listen, listen, listen, calm down, right? Go slow and read the number slowly so I can write it down.
07:50499, 499, 2, 1, 499, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1.
07:54You keep doing it too fast mate, you keep doing it too fast.
07:59Slow it up dad, slow it.
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