Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed Season 1 Episode 3

LalaMovie

Transcript

00:00...heavy. Like, gravity's actually pulling you down, and life should be fun.

00:05And it isn't work, politics, conjunctivitis. Yuck!

00:11But that's why I'm here. That is my only purpose.

00:15Go, Skye!

00:16Is to get you all nice and tingly from your balls to your mouth to your second mouth.

00:21Show butthole!

00:22We all need to live more in the moment, because guess what, party people?

00:26Maybe the moment is all we have.

00:30Maybe everything's about to change, and there's not a thing we can do about it.

00:36Maybe life's gonna get amazing.

00:44Or, maybe it's gonna suck.

00:55I don't know. You don't know.

00:59No one knows.

01:01What I do know is that we all need to make a to-do list, and on the very top

01:05of it, should be have fun.

01:08And that's what we do here. That's all we do.

01:11We have fun, and spread joy.

01:14And speaking of spreading,

01:17keep those tips coming, y'all.

01:19And I'll show you something I call the Chunnel.

01:22It's where you go in England, and you come out of France.

01:26Good, any more.

01:46Good, any more.

01:47Good, any more.

01:49Good, any more.

01:49I'm gonna go out of France.

01:54All right.

01:54Oh, thank you.

01:55Good, no, no, no, no, no.

01:55um sorry about the other day no it's okay it's all good this is complicated human stuff

02:06yeah it's hard it's kind of why we want to do this i really want things good between us

02:10yeah i think so too yeah good you're a great dad and and mal i know that you love hazel

02:17i i i really

02:18appreciate that thank you yeah i mean we're gonna be in each other's lives so might as well do our

02:24best not to murder each other agreed no killing yeah look at that we just signed a three-way

02:29anti-murder path but look uh mallory's chance to run the uh to run the office in boise is a

02:38huge

02:38opportunity and i don't think we can pass it up it's a dream a dream in idaho you make fun

02:43but

02:43boise is truly beautiful paul it's amazing it's it's clean it's cheap there's like barely any crime

02:50kids ride their bikes around nobody locks their doors it's not just yeah yeah you get why all

02:55those racist militias call it home but no matter how much you don't want hazel to be in boise it's

02:59not like we're gonna move up there and not see her so we're trying to figure out how to do

03:03this right

03:04okay so we had an idea what if we did it as a team what if you moved out there

03:13with us

03:13we got you an awesome rental with a big backyard not too far from us not and all we'll pay

03:20for it

03:21really yes really we'll get you all new furniture that obviously you pick we'll get we'll get you a

03:25car to get you situated i have a car well you're gonna need four-wheel drive out there so get

03:29you

03:29one of those cool jeeps yeah top jeeps yeah like in clueless we'll make everything so easy for you

03:36paula because i know this isn't what you want and that's why i appreciate you but i think this could

03:40be

03:41amazing do you think i could get a dog i mean everybody up there has dogs yeah get two dogs

03:47what about a pony would you get me a pretty pony okay with a mane and a tail that i

03:53could brush you

03:53could sleep in my room i get it you're treating me like a child look i know you're dying to

03:57say

03:58fuck you right now but just think about it think about it for hazel that's all i do now oh

04:03is it all

04:03you do because i know you paula i really know you so what are you holding on to here what

04:10is

04:10keeping you here other than pride other than winning it's not about winning this isn't fucking

04:15pickleball then what is it you don't have anybody special in your life you don't love your apartment

04:21and your job is fine but you love it so much that you can't leave for your family

04:28this is an incredible opportunity not just for you paul for all of us we are offering you

04:35an olive branch

04:40i'm sorry you didn't deserve that you get emotional he's emotional oh i remember paula

04:45will you at least just think about it please

04:54okay

04:59um i gotta get i gotta get to work thank you paula

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20:14I'll fix it.

20:14You can't fix anything.

20:16All you do is fuck things up.

20:18Pathetic, lonely, idiot, bitch.

20:21Yeah well you know what you're the fucking idiot bitch who just accepted a one dollar wire transfer.

20:26Fuck you.

20:28Yeah no yeah I did I fucked you.

20:30Cause you used to be anonymous but you know what happens when you accept a wire transfer?

20:34There's a transaction receipt and on that receipt it's federally required that there's all this other information so yeah I

20:40fucked you OBG properties LLC.

20:45I

20:46Well now Trevor fucking dies.

20:54What Trevor is dead?

20:57He's dead how do you not know that?

21:01Who is this?

21:06What the fuck?

21:08What the fuck?

21:18Uh hey Trevor. Uh it's Ash. Uh fucking call me back.

21:24I

21:25Never known a girl like you before.

21:29Don't have it.

21:32Now just like in a song from days of yore.

21:38Don't have it.

21:41Hey come a knocking knocking on my door.

21:46Don't have it.

21:47You know I've never known a girl like you before.

22:18Hello?

22:20Hello?

22:20Is this Dennis O'Neil?

22:23Uh, yes.

22:25Who's calling, please?

22:26My name is Detective Sofia Gonzalez with NYPD.

22:29I'm afraid I have some difficult news about Jeff Thorwald.

22:33Uh, did something happen to Jeff?

22:37I'm very sorry to inform you, sir,

22:39that Mr. Thorwald passed away yesterday morning.

22:42What?

22:44I, uh...

22:45No, no, no, I, I, um, I...

22:48Are you sure?

22:50I'm afraid so.

22:52I, I, I literally just saw him.

22:54We were just, I just, I just saw him.

22:58We were just together.

22:59What, what happened?

23:02Uh, I was hoping that you could help us with that.

23:04There was an intruder and a struggle.

23:08I'm truly very sorry, sir.

23:10Okay.

23:11I don't, I don't, uh...

23:16I, uh...

23:20I, um...

23:21I, um...

23:22I...

23:22Oh, my God.

23:23Oh, my God.

23:24Oh, my God.

23:26Oh, God.

23:26Sir, we will need to sit down and talk.

23:28You may have some information that could be vital.

23:34I'm very sorry, sir.

23:35She's nothing.

23:49Very good.

23:51Yeah.

23:52Hazel!

23:55Yes, Coach Mom?

23:56You want some power pellets?

23:57Yeah.

23:58Okay.

23:59The red ones make you run super fast.

24:00Go, go, go, go!

24:01Yum!

24:02Yum!

24:02Get back this way!

24:04Frankie, kick it!

24:07Oh, I think we're not good.

24:09I don't understand why nobody's using their hands.

24:11It just seems very stupid.

24:12Right?

24:13Yeah.

24:13We're not gonna win any games like this.

24:15I think we'll win one.

24:16Maybe by forfeit.

24:18Like your confidence, Coach?

24:20I don't see it, but they do, and I'll buy you a drink.

24:27You got yourself a deal.

24:43Hey!

24:44They look not great.

24:47A lot of people say it's coaching.

24:48I can see why.

24:51Hey, can we talk for a second?

24:52You mind?

24:54Have you given any thought to what we talked about?

24:56About Boise?

24:57Uh, yep.

24:58Absolutely, I have.

24:59Good.

24:59And the offer was very generous.

25:01It's crazy generous.

25:04It's so generous, I almost didn't notice how manipulative it was.

25:08I'm not trying to manipulate you.

25:11Yes, you are.

25:11It's fine.

25:12You manipulate me.

25:13I manipulate you.

25:15That's just where we're at.

25:16But there is someone else involved in this.

25:20And like, what kind of role model would I be for Hazel

25:22if I just let you make all of my decisions?

25:26Pick what town I live in.

25:28Which house?

25:29Well, I'm doing this for Hazel, obviously.

25:33Okay.

25:33Come on.

25:34Mal got a good job.

25:35And everything else is rationalization.

25:38You're actually being really selfish.

25:41Like, look how happy she is.

25:44What kind of mom would I be if I pulled her out of this life?

25:48She deserves a mom who will stand up for her.

25:52Who she can rely on.

25:55That's who I'm gonna be.

25:57Now, Paul, you could be that person in Boise.

25:59We could build all of this in Boise.

26:01Oh my god.

26:02I do not want to move to Boise.

26:06Like, you said you know me.

26:08I know you do.

26:10You like udon noodles and weird art stores.

26:14Like, you don't want to move to Boise.

26:15Well, I am.

26:16That's happening, okay?

26:24Paula.

26:27Are you really doing this right now?

26:30You're really starting a war with me?

26:32I'm not doing that, you are.

26:36If we do this, you could fucking lose everything.

26:39Yes.

26:40So could you.

26:42I'm the mom.

26:43Judges love moms.

26:45So maybe you're the one who should back off.

26:47So what, that's it?

26:51Yeah.

26:52I guess that's it.

26:57Carl.

26:59This area is for coaches only.

27:05Take the shit out of it, owls!

27:12Take the shit out of it.

27:15Take the shit out of it.

27:37Yeah!

27:38No.

27:40No.

27:52No.

27:53No.

27:54No.

27:55No.

28:05I'm not gonna get the shit out of it.

28:07What's that, babe? Where were you?

28:11Hey. Dropping off a stray.

28:27Hey.

28:30Jesus, what's that noise? You at your mama's house?

28:33Animal shelter in Ridgewood. Getting rid of the cat.

28:36That cute motherfucker? Ridgewood kills if they aren't adopted.

28:40Good thing it's cute. You got an update for me?

28:42Yeah. License plate on the security footage belonged to Paula Sanders.

28:46Prints on the hockey stick also belong to Paula Sanders.

28:49Huh? Why the hell are her prints even in the system?

28:54You're not gonna believe this shit.

29:33Hi. Hi. It took you long enough.

29:36So the scammer called and I tricked them.

29:39I got their information.

29:41I'm done getting pushed around. I have so much to tell you.

29:43I have so much to tell you too.

29:45I also got some information.

29:48This wasn't your first dead body now, was it, Paula?

29:51I don't like it when people keep secrets.

29:54What?

29:56I don't like it.

29:58I don't like it.

30:01I don't like it.

30:09I don't like it.

30:11I'm done getting pushed around.

30:12I don't like it.

30:12All right.

30:14I didn't like it again.

30:14You're so careful.

30:14From here to my ground.

30:15You're so careful.

30:19I'm done.

30:20I'm done.

30:37Paula, Paula, you need to tell me what happened in Portland.

31:00I'm going to tell you what happened in Portland.

31:36I'm going to tell you what happened in Portland.

31:51I'm going to tell you what happened in Portland.

32:19I'm going to tell you what happened in Portland.

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