- 4 hours ago
Hacks (2021) Season 5 Episode 9
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I had to perform or speak publicly.
00:02And the one time I did, I went to jail.
00:03Damn.
00:03But that expired at midnight, and I knew that the first place I wanted to break my silence
00:07was here at the Breakfast Club with my good friend, Charlemagne.
00:10Yes, indeed.
00:11Wow, people don't know y'all go way back.
00:12Yes, we do.
00:13No, it's true.
00:13We actually co-own a racehorse.
00:15Her name's Wheat Thin.
00:16Here, I'll show you.
00:16Yeah, she's a sweetheart.
00:17Terrific spirit.
00:18Beautiful, man.
00:18Yeah, she's a work hard, play hard.
00:20A little Wheat Thin, okay.
00:21Yeah, that's what Jeff did her hair from.
00:23Don't do me.
00:24Whoa.
00:24But people don't want to hear about Wheat Thin.
00:26They want to hear about your sold-out show next Thursday at Madison Square Garden.
00:30How did that feel?
00:31That's like the pinnacle for a stand-up comic.
00:33Yeah, as you know, when I quit late night, I kind of took a hit publicly, and I wasn't
00:36sure I could sell it out.
00:37But you didn't just sell out.
00:38You sold out in like 10 minutes, right?
00:40Yes, I did.
00:41Damn.
00:42Those tickets move faster than we can.
00:44So you got a week left into the show.
00:46What are you doing to prepare?
00:48It's kind of rigorous envy.
00:49I've got a trainer, a physical therapist, a choreographer, a vocal coach.
00:53We're just working nonstop to make sure this is the best 9-11 that New York has ever had.
00:57Huh?
00:57Well, we're so happy to see you, and I'm glad that you came to stop that fast.
01:01My honor.
01:02I'm a longtime member of the Breakfast Club Nation.
01:04Okay.
01:04Now, are you really listening for us or the music?
01:07No.
01:08My friend Kiki's turned around all the grades.
01:10I've got that Mexican OT on heavy rotation.
01:13Okay.
01:13Big X the plug.
01:14Nine Vicious.
01:161900 Rugrats.
01:17Okay.
01:18Hey, can we go out on a little Glorilla?
01:19Not Big Glow.
01:20Yes, Big Glow.
01:21All right, let's play some Glow.
01:22Let's play Let It Cook.
01:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:23Yeah.
01:24Oh, that's good.
01:25Let It Cook.
01:25Big Glow come to fry and shit.
01:27Hey.
01:27Let It Cook.
01:28Woo.
01:28All these stops, I'm trying shit.
01:30Woo.
01:30Let me cook.
01:38Morning's and night, and then the night becomes the day I can keep up with that.
01:45The hydraulic lift is bringing me up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
01:48I'm thinking this is way too far upstage.
01:50Can we move this down?
01:51Let's say three feet.
01:51Let's try that.
01:52Remarkable.
01:53Not a cockpit if it's where I wanna be.
01:58Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:00Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:02Ha, ha, ha.
02:04Woo, woo, woo, woo.
02:06Woo, woo, woo, woo.
02:07Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
02:08Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
02:12Hello, Madison Square Garden.
02:14I'm back from the dead.
02:15And just like Jesus, I love having 12 gay guys over for supper.
02:19This lining has to change. I just look changing up. It needs to change like now because I have to
02:23reverse it.
02:23This is the stuff that's making me nervous.
02:25Thank you, New York. I'm still the bravance. Good night.
02:32And then at that point, I am Jesus on the cross, and here come my three wise men, and...
02:44Hello, New York!
02:47What's up, New York?
02:52What's up, New York?
02:54What's up, New York?
03:13Nice shot.
03:15Come on, get up there.
03:17That's the way.
03:18Oh.
03:20Ah.
03:21Hey, good looking.
03:23Ready to rock the garden?
03:24Almost.
03:26I'm just having trouble sleeping.
03:27I don't want to take Ambien this week because I need to stay sharp.
03:30Sure.
03:31I just really need my rest.
03:33And there's really only one other thing that helps me sleep deeply.
03:37Deborah Vance.
03:38Is this a booty call?
03:39Oh, don't be tacky.
03:41Oh, don't be tacky.
03:41Just get on your private jet and get over here.
03:43Wheels up!
03:50So for a generation without economic stability and so few job prospects, the small things
03:57become the only things that we can control.
03:59Oh, and the biggest question becomes, who is making dinner?
04:07Well told.
04:08She is the best.
04:10Truth teller.
04:13Yeah.
04:13Well, listen.
04:14In any other situation, I would say, you know, give us a beat to discuss, but since
04:19we already have a deal with you, I'm just going to be real.
04:23I don't know why you need to tell this story.
04:27Yeah, I guess because I thought of the idea and brought it on down to you.
04:34Sure.
04:35Had to, yeah.
04:35Sure.
04:36That's why.
04:36I just kind of feel like a lot of writers of your generation could do this show.
04:41Sure.
04:42Yeah, I guess what makes me feel best suited to tell this story is that I feel like I
04:46can balance communicating the crushing weight of this economic system with the hard
04:51comedy.
04:52Right.
04:52And sort of the real characters.
04:54With her, you're going to get the funny.
04:56And you know they passed on friends six times before they made friends and then it was
04:59friends.
04:59Yeah.
05:00And this is better than that.
05:02Depending on casting.
05:04I hear you.
05:05I, it just, it doesn't feel personal.
05:07Okay.
05:07Listen, we love you.
05:09We are so excited about you.
05:11But this idea specifically, it's just not sparking joy for me.
05:16Oh crap.
05:19Hey.
05:20Not this one.
05:21Do you have anything else?
05:23Um.
05:23She does.
05:24She's got, she, you have so many ideas that it's honest that she likes Shakespeare on
05:28crack, but not on crack because she doesn't have a problem.
05:30But if Shakespeare were a woman, which maybe she was.
05:33Maybe.
05:33She is like that crazy amount of ideas.
05:36Some of them new, some of them old, some of them IP if you want that and some of them
05:38not.
05:39Okay.
05:39So we're going to regroup.
05:40We're going to talk about it.
05:41We're going to figure out what makes sense for you.
05:43We're going to bring it back.
05:43Yeah.
05:44And it's going to be good.
05:45I love this.
05:46I love this.
05:46This is sparking joy.
05:47Yay.
05:48Yay.
05:49I'll bring you something else.
05:50Please do.
06:03God damn it.
06:08Sorry.
06:10Sorry.
06:13Morning.
06:17Did you sleep well?
06:18I did.
06:23No, it's okay.
06:25It's okay.
06:26It's okay.
06:26Hey, Tyler.
06:27How are you doing?
06:30Huh?
06:31Sure.
06:34Uh.
06:37Severance package.
06:39What?
06:40Oh, God.
06:41Put out the pasture by a bunch of dorky computer kids.
06:45I've always hated computers, by the way.
06:46Oh, they've ruined everything.
06:49Deborah, I think this might be ageism.
06:52Yeah, well, welcome to the club.
06:54I mean, you're 40 years behind, but we're happy to have you.
06:57I've given 35 years to the Palmetto.
06:59I helped build that fucking place.
07:01I get it.
07:02It's terrible.
07:08What the hell am I going to do now, Deb?
07:10I don't know.
07:10I'm sorry.
07:13I hate to say this, but I've got to go get ready.
07:15I've got to rehearse.
07:16I tell you what, why don't you stick around for a few days?
07:17Come and see the show.
07:19You think I wasn't going to stick around to see you play the garden?
07:23Come on.
07:24For sure.
07:27It's going to be okay.
07:29Yeah.
07:30It is.
07:32You take it from me.
07:38Okay.
07:46When I'm hungry, my whole personality changes.
07:49She'll be here.
07:49I ordered the Palmetto fritters, and where the hell is our waitress?
07:53Honey.
07:53God knows the limit.
07:54God.
07:54Oh, wait.
07:55There she is.
07:55There she is.
07:56Hello.
07:57Ava.
07:58Hi.
07:59This is Jack.
08:00Hi.
08:01Jack.
08:01This is my daughter, Ava Cecilia.
08:04Confirmation name.
08:05Not real, but nice to meet you.
08:06Nice to meet you too.
08:07So, will Debra be having a red carpet experience for her show?
08:12Because Jack and I recently, we broke the seal as a public couple when we were photographed at the National
08:18Wind Surfing Awards dinner.
08:20Wow.
08:21Jack's the Grand Master.
08:22He was ranked fifth nationally.
08:23Oh, yeah.
08:24He was dating another windsurfer, and I just, I stole him.
08:27Took me to win.
08:27I just, I know.
08:28I blew his mind.
08:30It's wild.
08:32Totally.
08:34Crazy behavior.
08:35So hot.
08:37This is unbelievable.
08:38Would you stop?
08:39Oh, sorry.
08:39So, how did your pitch go?
08:40Um, it's, it didn't go well.
08:42It's not looking like I'm gonna have a show.
08:45What?
08:45Don't they know how brilliant you are?
08:47I have an idea for a show about a windsurfer.
08:51Matthew McConaughey.
08:52He'd be great for it.
08:55That actually sounds really sellable.
08:57Really?
08:57Yeah.
08:58This is how it happens, honey.
09:00Yeah.
09:00No, no.
09:01Ava knows people.
09:02She'll get it done.
09:02Who should he email?
09:08It sucks.
09:09I had tons of episode ideas, so I didn't even get to them.
09:12I'm sorry.
09:12They're idiots.
09:15Yeah.
09:15I mean, I'll figure something out, but...
09:17Can you pass me the phone?
09:19Your phone or my phone?
09:21The phone.
09:21I wanna order room service.
09:23Oh, no.
09:23You don't order room service on the phone.
09:24You scan it with like a QR code on your phone.
09:30So, if I wanna order room service, I can't use the phone.
09:35Who?
09:35I have to use my phone.
09:37Yeah.
09:38But I can't call anybody.
09:40Right.
09:40Yeah.
09:41No.
09:41You know, it's no wonder you people are all autistic now.
09:44You never talk to anyone.
09:47I need to start wearing a body cam around you, girl.
09:49Jesus Christ.
09:51Stuff you're frickin' saying.
09:53Do not drink that.
09:54What?
09:55Why?
09:55Never pull a beverage from the minibar.
09:58It is marked up 700%.
09:59I don't wanna get ripped off.
10:00No, I'll have Damien go to Duane Reade and get you one if you really want one.
10:04Okay.
10:04So I can't have it?
10:08Well, since you don't usually reach for the sugar-free, I guess I should reward that.
10:12This time I'll allow it.
10:22Oh my God, I, I, um, I'm gonna head to my room really quickly.
10:25Are, are you good here?
10:26I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
10:29Hey.
10:31I'm gonna kill tomorrow.
10:35Thanks.
10:37Okay, goodnight.
11:07Good morning, New York City.
11:10It's hotter than hell out there, but thankfully we've got some sweet relief from there.
11:13A diva herself.
11:14Debra Vance.
11:16She's finally laying it all out there tonight at MSG.
11:19And I'd tell you to get your tickets now, but everyone knows the show sold out record time.
11:23So if you wanna bear witness, you better find a scalper stat.
11:31You know, I've realized you're right.
11:32I don't know what it's like being a young person with friends.
11:35I have one friend and she's 70.
11:37Funny.
11:38I've been living with Debra over the past few years, so the show would be about that.
11:42Two women from different generations who live together and become friends.
11:45Okay, go on.
11:47I have a ton of episode ideas already.
11:49Like, imagine you're trying to hook up with someone, but your roommate is in the next room
11:52on speakerphone because she literally doesn't know how to turn it off.
11:55Oh my god.
11:56I can see that.
11:57They butt heads a ton on politics and etiquette and fashion, but at the end of the day they
12:06help each other see the world differently and they both become better people for it.
12:11Ava!
12:12I love this!
12:13I love this!
12:15It's based off of real experiences you've had, clear character games, but still IP.
12:19Can you do me a favor?
12:21Can you please write a one pager?
12:22I already did it.
12:23I'll send it right now.
12:24Amazing.
12:25Well, turns out we're only doing one comedy pilot this year, so a lot of people have to
12:28weigh in, but I'm going to do my very best to push it through.
12:31Stay tuned.
12:33Great.
12:40She's here.
12:41Oh!
12:42Oh!
12:43Oh!
12:43Hi, my little Debbies!
12:44How are we?
12:45Well, um, not great.
12:47None of us could get tickets.
12:49We were trying to find scalpers to buy some, but we couldn't find any.
12:52None of you?
12:53No.
12:54They sold out too fast.
12:55That's terrible.
12:57Damien, no, we've got to help them out.
12:59On it.
12:59But don't forget, I'm live streaming the whole show on Deborah Plow.
13:03Oh!
13:03Oh!
13:03I love you.
13:04I love you.
13:04I love you, guys.
13:05I love you, guys.
13:06Oh, God!
13:08Oh, God!
13:09Hey!
13:15Oh, and I talked to the video playback guy, so we're all set up there.
13:18Fabulous, fabulous.
13:24I am addicted to carrots.
13:27Yum.
13:28The job at late night wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
13:30It's not that much fun to do something no woman has done before.
13:32Except George Michael.
13:34That was fun.
13:34It's great.
13:35Now, I know it's crazy to go back now, but is Ricky Martin funnier?
13:38Well, it depends.
13:40Have you had sex with Ricky Martin?
13:42Wow.
13:43She bangs indeed.
13:45You are overthinking, okay?
13:47Don't change a thing.
13:48The hay's in the barn, doll.
13:49Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
13:50Hey.
13:51Hey.
13:51So, MSG just flagged that they've opened the doors,
13:53but they're not seeing the foot traffic they normally do.
13:56That's what felt off.
13:57I don't hear a crowd.
13:58Hmm.
13:59Well, what is going on?
14:00I mean, is there a subway strike or something?
14:01I don't think so.
14:03It looks like there's no issue with the subways or transportation or anything.
14:06Yeah, there's no proof of this.
14:07You know, I can't prove it, but I know that Joy Behar is behind this.
14:10She has come for me for the last time, I swear to God.
14:14Wow.
14:15What?
14:15Okay.
14:16I think we should spread out.
14:34Excuse me.
14:36Have you seen anyone?
14:40Deborah?
14:42You come with me.
15:11Looks like I'm in trouble if you're doing crowd work tonight.
15:17Hi, Dub.
15:19You made it really easy for me to buy this show out when you made your ticket prices so low.
15:24I appreciate that.
15:27Why?
15:28Because I want you to stop.
15:31For months, your heroic exit was the first thing I heard about every single day.
15:36It was a fucking nightmare for me.
15:39I got questions about it in every interview.
15:42Almost lost my board's trust.
15:44I had to reduce my bonus package.
15:46And things have finally quieted down.
15:48So the last thing I need is you bringing it all back up again.
15:55So, uh...
15:56What?
16:00You think you can just silence me forever?
16:03I'm gonna try.
16:06I have an NDA and I want you to sign it.
16:09You got a big payout.
16:11And all you have to do is agree to never speak publicly about late night or me ever again.
16:17But if you don't sign, I promise you, I will do whatever I have to do to make you stop.
16:25I'll keep buying a ticket.
16:27I'll use every possible outlet to make you seem unreliable.
16:32So be smart about this.
16:35Do you really want to spend your golden years fighting a losing battle?
16:51Fuck your NDA.
16:53And fuck you.
17:01Ah!
17:03Fuck you!
17:03This is bullshit.
17:05He needs to get a life.
17:06And if I'm telling you you need to get a life, you are a fucking loser.
17:10Yeah, no offense.
17:11Siri, Google how to sink a super yacht.
17:13No AI!
17:14This has got to be illegal, right?
17:15We gotta call the lawyers is what we gotta do.
17:18What is it?
17:18What is it?
17:19It's not racketeering, but it's closed to that.
17:20This happened.
17:21Remember that one time 50 Cent bought out the entire Ja Rule concert just to fuck with him?
17:25This is insanity.
17:26We need to go to the press and expose him.
17:28Yes, we need to do a media alert.
17:29We need to do a press conference.
17:30We need to kill him.
17:31We need a Luigi!
17:32He's a...
17:32Okay, stop, stop.
17:33Don't listen, listen.
17:34We're gonna do the show.
17:35And we're gonna do it for free.
17:37That way he can't stop the ticket sales and he can't mess with it.
17:39And anybody who wants to come can come.
17:41This was the only date that MSG had.
17:43I know that.
17:43I want to do it in Central Park.
17:45Oh, okay, yeah.
17:46Yes, I'll call the parks department.
17:48We can talk at the springtime.
17:49No.
17:49We can get a hold this weekend.
17:51This weekend.
17:52Um, well...
17:52What about the MSG record?
17:53Forget that.
17:54I just...
17:55I just need to do this show.
17:57I...
17:58I...
17:58Yeah, but Debra, you have costume changes.
17:59You have pyrotechnics.
18:00You have a hydrological lift.
18:01No, no, forget all that.
18:02Just me and a mic.
18:03And I want to do it now.
18:06Okay, well, then we'll figure it out.
18:07Right, Jimmy?
18:10Yes.
18:10I will start making some calls.
18:11I'll text my camp friends.
18:13They run New York.
18:14Okay.
18:15There was a show last night in the park.
18:16Maybe we could use their stage.
18:17Whoa.
18:18Let me get this straight.
18:19You want us to put together a free stand-up show in Central Park with no prior planning,
18:23no infrastructure?
18:24And you want this to happen in three days?
18:27Yes, Randy.
18:28Yeah.
18:28God, I love this business.
18:30It's 90% the most delusional lazy people you've ever seen in your life,
18:35and 10% the most delusional workaholics.
18:38And I, for one, am proud and honored to be part of that latter 10%.
18:41Let's go.
18:43Let's fuckin' go!
18:44Yes, Frank.
18:54Just hear me out.
18:58Just hear me out.
18:58I can't do it.
18:59I'm sorry, miss.
19:00Listen, please.
19:01All you have to do is hold the stage through the weekend.
19:03I'll pay a rental fee.
19:04I'll pay all your overtime.
19:05Just name your prize.
19:06It's not about the money.
19:07We have to break all this down and get it out of here by noon.
19:10Excuse me.
19:11Do you two beautiful boys know who you're talking to?
19:13That is the queen of comedy!
19:14I don't care if she's the queen of freaking Sheba.
19:16She's not getting the stage.
19:17We have to pack it up.
19:18Boss has orders.
19:19Well, who's your boss?
19:20Where is he?
19:20Can I talk to him?
19:21Boss?
19:22Well, well, well.
19:24Turns out the doctor was a woman.
19:26Oh, my God.
19:28Weed?
19:28In the flesh, eh?
19:29The Daniels.
19:30Fallout boy rocked the park last night.
19:32Now we just gotta strike this whole rig, get it back up in Topeka by Tuesday, 0600.
19:36Okay, we understand that, but if you could just push, even just-
19:39Push!
19:39No, it's a domino effect, white boy.
19:41This is one of the tightest schedules I've ever constructed.
19:43They're playing 56 domestic dates before we hopped upon to Glasto.
19:48We- Listen.
19:49I know we've had our differences in the past, but I was supposed to play the garden, and
19:53then I got screwed over.
19:55Please.
19:56I-I just need to say my piece.
19:58Yep!
19:59I'm gonna stop you right there.
20:01Keep this stage up through the weekend, get them to Topeka in, what, 39 hours?
20:07I'd take a miracle.
20:08It was lucky for you, though.
20:11You're looking at a miracle work, huh?
20:14So, when you canned me, that was the first in my entire career.
20:19I was shell-shocked.
20:20And I am embarrassed to admit, I did relapse.
20:22I went completely dark.
20:24I woke up flat on my back in a bed, not a chair, in a motel in Juarez.
20:33My hair was in cornrows.
20:35My eyebrows had been burned off.
20:37And I was holding an Apple TV remote.
20:40But, all the room had was a Roku.
20:46What is that?
20:48I have no memory of the previous three months.
20:52And then my boy Pete Wentz called me back in.
20:55We did 14 grueling back-to-back shows in the South Atlantic.
20:58And then, one morning in Omaha, Pete said to me,
21:03Weed.
21:04Oh, God.
21:06Weed.
21:08You're better than you've ever been.
21:10And I owe that to you, Deb.
21:12You gotta crash and burn before you can rise, sister.
21:18I'mma make this work for you.
21:19You can use our stage.
21:21Oh, God.
21:21Thank you so much.
21:23Get the fuck!
21:25Bring it in, Deb.
21:26Bring it in.
21:29Deb, Deb, Debbie.
21:30There's only one thing that I can't allow.
21:32And that's a grievance from the park department.
21:35So, you're gonna need to get a permit to perform.
21:38Without it, city's gonna shut you down anyway.
21:40No problem.
21:41We are on it, Miss Weed.
21:42Go!
21:47You don't wanna play the garden anyway.
21:48Terrible loadout.
21:50Thanks, Weed.
21:51Mm-hmm.
21:54Love you, Dad!
21:56Yeah, I love you too!
22:00She loves me.
22:10Hey.
22:12Hi.
22:13This is Pot.
22:15Can you believe it?
22:16Yep.
22:17Uh, can I come in?
22:18Sure.
22:29You know, after what Bob Lipka pulled last night made me realize pretty much every stiff
22:34in a suit is a lying, selfish piece of shit.
22:37Better dogs, Deb.
22:39But not you.
22:40We've been looking for someone to run the operations at the casino.
22:43So, why don't you come work for me and Marcus at the Diva?
22:46You mean it?
22:47No, listen.
22:48It wouldn't be like the Palmetto.
22:50This is a small, independently owned casino.
22:52You'd have to be on the floor.
22:53You wouldn't be in the C-suite.
22:55Oh, I hate the C-suite.
22:56Yeah, you know me.
22:57I'm a man of the people.
22:58I wanna be on the floor.
22:59Shaking hands, slapping asses.
23:01Well, you can't do that anymore.
23:02Yeah, okay.
23:03Right.
23:03Now, I've run this by Marcus and he's on board.
23:06He's always liked you better than I have anyway.
23:10So, what do you say?
23:14I'd love to.
23:16This means the world to me.
23:21Great.
23:22Great.
23:24I gotta go.
23:25I have to get as many people as possible into Central Park this weekend.
23:27Whoa, whoa, what's going on?
23:28I'm doing my show there.
23:31For free.
23:32What?
23:32So, now I just gotta get the word out.
23:34Wow.
23:35And you need people.
23:36Yeah.
23:37I'll get you people.
23:38I got my guys in Atlantic City.
23:40Well, he can sign a week bus tourists in all the time.
23:43You give me the word and I'll unleash tomorrow day.
23:47Okay.
23:47Unleash away.
23:49Hoorah!
23:50Hoorah!
23:52We're back, baby.
23:53Oh.
23:56Okay.
23:57Good, good.
23:57All right.
23:58Now, we'll have the lollipops.
24:00We drug tested the diva.
24:03Thank you, boss.
24:05Will do.
24:10You want a permit for this weekend in Central Park?
24:13Yes.
24:15It takes 30 days to process a permit in New York City, okay?
24:19There is nothing that I can do.
24:22Please, look, this isn't just about a permit, all right?
24:24It's about sticking it to the man.
24:25Yeah.
24:25Yeah, and you could be a part of that.
24:26I mean, screw your boss.
24:28Go above his head!
24:29My boss is a woman and we're in a relationship outside of work.
24:32And I don't feel comfortable keeping secrets from her.
24:35I would never ask you to do that.
24:36That's respectable and honorable.
24:37I love that.
24:38Okay.
24:48Mm-hmm.
24:50Mm-hmm.
25:04Mm-hmm.
25:05Something like that.
25:06Something like that.
25:06That would be said?
25:07Yeah.
25:07Are you done with your Shonda log?
25:09Listen.
25:10It's not gonna happen.
25:11And if she tries to perform, she will be escorted outside the park.
25:15Now, please leave.
25:16I have a well-deserved break I need to take.
25:18Well, you're trying to be nice.
25:19Please.
25:20Like, I'm just gonna be giving them a damn permit.
25:23Listen to my girl.
25:24Wait a minute.
25:25Wait a minute.
25:26Are you listening to the I've seen it all?
25:27The Xena Rewatch podcast?
25:28That's a great episode.
25:29What?
25:30How do you know about that?
25:31They're about to talk about the pan flute.
25:32You know, she played it for actually.
25:34This just came out five minutes ago.
25:35Boy, who are you?
25:36Well, I've heard the episode because I produced the podcast.
25:39I represent Renee O'Connor, and the podcast was actually our idea.
25:42His idea, he thought it all.
25:44He seemed humble.
25:45He seemed humble.
25:46Chow, I'm obsessed with Xena.
25:48Obsessed?
25:49I wore the leather armband for the prom.
25:51Yes.
25:51Okay, pop off.
25:53Baby, I even named my damn daughter Aphrodite.
25:56Yes!
25:57Hey, she likes that.
25:58She don't.
25:59Ah, yes!
26:00Are they really doing a live show at the Acropolis?
26:02Or was that just a joke?
26:03I couldn't tell.
26:04I'm not sure.
26:05I could FaceTime Renee right now.
26:07What?
26:07You could ask her.
26:08Oh my God, yes.
26:09Actually, you know what?
26:09I'm so busy trying to get this permit.
26:11No, no, no, no.
26:12Hey, wait, wait.
26:12Chill.
26:13Hey, hold it.
26:14Hold it.
26:15Listen.
26:17She knows me.
26:18I think I can transfer the permit to you guys.
26:20Yes!
26:21Thank you so much.
26:22Baby.
26:23Z nights unite.
26:29And those northern lights will be visible for the next week.
26:33So, Al, maybe we'll get something of a show.
26:34Weather's looking pretty darn good.
26:36Good.
26:37Wait.
26:38Is...
26:38Is that Deborah Banks?
26:40Should we let her in?
26:42Sure.
26:46So, basically, Deborah, he Ja-ruled you.
26:48Exactly.
26:49Exactly.
26:49Well, 50 Cent did to Ja-rul.
26:51Bob Lipka did to me.
26:52Yeah.
26:52Met her dogs.
26:53It's suspiccable.
26:54But I'm reclaiming my time.
26:55And I'm hoping that you, America, will come out to hear it.
26:58If you are in the tri-state area, get out to Central Park.
27:01See Deborah Vance, the one and only.
27:04How are you?
27:05How are you?
27:06Central Park Live.
27:07Deborah Vance Live in Central Park.
27:08Yeah.
27:08Good afternoon.
27:09Good afternoon.
27:10Good afternoon.
27:10Good afternoon.
27:11You guys seriously have to go see Deborah in Central Park.
27:13She's my best friend ever, ever, and my literal idol.
27:16And if you don't go see her, you're a loser.
27:18I agree.
27:20We comedy show, guys.
27:21My daughter's best friend and mentor, Deborah Vance Live.
27:24Come on.
27:24My daughter's best friend.
27:25Take this.
27:26You're going to the show.
27:27Deborah Vance, y'all.
27:28So, as you know, Deborah and I am at our ups and downs.
27:31But at the end of the day, she's a really great girl.
27:34And it's not cool what's been done to her.
27:36So, get out to Central Park and hear her side of the story,
27:39because she's funny as hell.
27:41Silence in women is never okay.
27:43I love the way that you feel.
27:46Your heart's a little bit.
27:47Come and see Deborah Vance, Central Park.
27:49Come and see.
27:51She wears a wig, too.
27:53She wears a shape.
27:54Welcome back.
27:54We have a very special surprise guest.
27:57Deborah Vance is here to promote her free show in Central Park.
28:00But she was only allowed off the blacklist on one condition.
28:04Joy.
28:05Yeah?
28:06I have to apologize.
28:08You would know the difference between a Margot and a Merlot if I smashed it over your head.
28:13And I think that toasting with a glass of iced tea is just pure class.
28:19Very much.
28:20And I'm sorry I got you put on the terrorist watch list.
28:23That was you.
28:24Yeah.
28:28Thank God I don't have to hear about this anymore.
28:33Snack well, snack well, when in and well, you snack.
28:35Snack well, snack well, when in and well, you snack.
28:37Snack well, snack well, snack well.
28:38Yeah, Rick, I'm getting a little bit of feedback on the right.
28:41Boss, boss, boss, boss.
28:42It's the network for you two.
28:46Hello?
28:46Hi.
28:47Hey guys.
28:48So I do have some unfortunate news.
28:51We are not going to be ordering a script.
28:53Oh man.
28:56That's really sad to hear.
28:58Because we are ordering a pilot.
29:00We are committing to shooting a pilot for this dang thing!
29:04Holy shit!
29:05Oh, my God!
29:06Thank you, guys!
29:08There's more to come, but I just wanted to call and let you guys know.
29:11Okay, Ava, congratulations.
29:14Okay.
29:14Thank you, bye.
29:15Oh, my God!
29:16Hey!
29:17Ava sold her show!
29:19Oh!
29:19Woo!
29:21Oh, my God!
29:22Oh, my God!
29:24Yes!
29:25Come on!
29:25I am here!
29:26Come on!
29:27You're in the right line!
29:28Debra Bass on the Great Lodge!
29:30Debra Bass!
29:31Right down to the Great Lodge!
29:33Debra Bass!
29:34Debra Bass!
29:34Best community in the world!
29:35I'm going to put it right over here!
29:37Sir!
29:37Hey!
29:38How's it going?
29:39Good to see you!
29:40Try the head out!
29:41Just don't let switch the blast on the sound of the sound.
29:43Yeah, yeah, you're right.
29:44We're outdoors.
29:45Debra, hey!
29:46It's a good idea.
29:47So...
29:47No, what?
29:48What now?
29:48They've closed the entrance to the park at 72nd and 5th.
29:51What?
29:51Why?
29:52That's the entrance closest to the lawn!
29:54People will barely get in!
29:55They closed it because it's already overcrowded.
29:58Oh!
29:58There are people spilling onto the bike path and the trails.
30:01What?
30:01The Parks Department doesn't know for sure, but my girl is estimating that there are over
30:0430,000 people here right now.
30:06Holy shit!
30:08They came.
30:09Wow.
30:10And you know what?
30:11For stand-up in the park, that's a wrecker.
30:14Now that's a pretty good lead to an obituary.
30:24Okay, everybody.
30:25Uh, everybody.
30:26Come on.
30:26Gather.
30:26Quick, quick, quick, quick.
30:27Everybody.
30:27Everybody.
30:28Everybody.
30:28Come here.
30:29Come here.
30:31Come here.
30:31I couldn't have done this without you.
30:35Any of you.
30:35Thank you so much.
30:39Thank you so much.
30:42I love you.
30:45Please welcome to the stage, Mi Amiga, Deborah Vance!
30:49To the next eerie.
31:18pegar our
31:21How are you feeling tonight, New York City?
31:30First, I would like to acknowledge, this is stolen land.
31:35Oh, quite a lot, I didn't even tell him to say that.
31:38Now, if you came to the park tonight for different bands, you're in the right place.
31:44If you came to the park tonight for anonymous gay sex, you're still in the right place.
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