- 1 day ago
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00:19Oh, you're awake already.
00:23I smuggled an alarm clock in.
00:25We come as a pair now.
00:27Poor Agnes is saddled with me.
00:30I enjoy it.
00:32Your dear's been back.
00:34Oh, is that right?
00:35You see the horse chestnut tree?
00:37There are leaves missing at the bottom of it.
00:41Then let's sit here all day.
00:43Wait until it comes back to us.
00:46Wouldn't that be nice?
00:57I'm going to hear you.
00:58I'm going to hear you.
01:05I'm going to hear you.
01:06It's good to know.
01:11It doesn't matter.
01:16I'm going to hang me.
01:17I'm going to hang me.
01:18Now that I am, is my body.
01:23Let's go.
01:24What's high?
01:35His ways are faithfulness and love
01:41For those who keep his covenant and will
01:47The Lord's friendship is for those who revere him
01:53And to them he reveals his name
01:58Father, who was in heaven
02:08Allow me thy name
02:14My kingdom come
02:21Bless me, Father, for I have sinned
02:23It's been 48 hours since my last confession
02:27How can I help?
02:29Well, I have committed four acts of blasphemy
02:33And five, no, six of self-abasement
02:37Seven, maybe, actually
02:40You've had a busy time
02:42She just talks at me
02:44Day after day
02:45Oh, Brian's left his toenails all over the floor again
02:49Brian's making a mess in the bathroom
02:52I'd love for my Alan to be making any of those messes
02:55But she doesn't even...
02:58I find myself getting so frustrated with her
03:02I can't see how you can take any wrong from finding your sister difficult
03:06It's just when I kill her that I'll be in trouble
03:09Yeah
03:10That I believe is friendable
03:13She's stronger
03:14Every day
03:16And she's using this new energy to buzz around me
03:20That's good
03:23I asked her along to these classes they do at the GP
03:26As a sort of partner
03:28And she is taking it way too seriously
03:32She keeps getting me to practice this breathing stuff
03:38And you?
03:40Are you okay?
03:44I think a professional's definitely not supposed to be about my feelings
03:52Dad said that you'd visited him
03:54He didn't say it in a nice way
03:56And I don't think what you said made any difference
03:59But that was kind of you
04:05It was a complicated discussion
04:09What did he say to you?
04:16He sent me a challenge
04:19Which I didn't mate
04:22Can't say any more than that
04:23I'm sorry
04:25Do you think he's gonna be okay?
04:30You want him to be?
04:32Yes
04:35I hope he will be
04:44Francesca said I was allowed to make it mine
04:48We had the opportunity to replant as we harvested
04:51So you made some changes in what you planted and where you planted it
04:58Quite bold, wouldn't you say?
05:00No
05:01I wasn't even half out the door
05:08Don't
05:09Don't, even as a joke
05:11Come on, show me the worst of it
05:15I'm planning on scallions in half the cabbage patch
05:19The other half will still have cabbages in
05:20Well, I like scallions
05:22And to be honest, no one likes cabbages as much as me
05:26So that's a good idea
05:27And maybe more raspberries and strawberries in your polytana
05:31Scanneless
05:33I made a raspberry and rhubarb jam that people seem to like
05:36Yes, I tried it
05:37The breakfast was delicious
05:43Was it me
05:45That made you go?
05:47Sorry?
05:48Was it how I behaved?
05:50Were you disappointed?
05:51Or was it how the Abbas treated me?
05:52Were you disappointed in her?
05:53No
05:55No, it wasn't you
05:57Never you
05:58It wasn't her either
06:00Although she did annoy me
06:06Things are much better for me now
06:07With her
06:08The Abbas is
06:10She likes you now
06:12Wouldn't go that far
06:14It was a man
06:16Who made me go
06:18The handsome priest
06:20Did everyone know?
06:22I saw you talking once
06:23He was as into you as you him
06:25You're wrong there
06:28I was ridiculous
06:30I don't think so
06:31I was always good at spotting it
06:33It was my skill at school for some reason
06:36Maybe because I wasn't into boys
06:37I could read them
06:39I'd tell the girls who'd fancied who
06:41It was very useful knowledge
06:42Must have been hugely popular
06:44I was a mad Christian Dyke witch
06:47What a combination
06:51I, uh
06:57Wredeform's laughing at me
07:00The lusty nun
07:02What a thing to be
07:07You don't know how much you're loved, do you?
07:10No one's laughing
07:12No one has laughed
07:14They're just, they're
07:16They're delighted
07:17To have you back with us
07:20You are Anna
07:23You belong to us
07:48Can we talk?
07:50Well, uh, yeah
07:52I hope to be good
07:55Awkward to air dirty pants
07:56In front of other people
07:58I hope I'm not wearing dirty pants
08:00Ah
08:01I, I've got that phrase wrong
08:03Dirty laundry
08:04Yes
08:05Well, it's the same thing, I suppose
08:07Yeah
08:10You do know that she's returned home
08:12Anna?
08:14Uh, yeah
08:17Well, yeah
08:17So, so that just leaves you now, doesn't it?
08:22Ah
08:23I don't know what to do with you
08:26What are your options?
08:28Well, there are those who truly believe in you
08:32You tried to get rid of me
08:33And got blocked
08:34And there are others who think that you're damaged
08:37And that you might cause damage
08:39And I wasn't blocked
08:40I consulted
08:42You know, there's some priests
08:44They, they come back stronger
08:45For having been broken
08:46And that is why I was prepared to bring you here
08:50But the question is
08:52What led to the break?
08:54People, they, they use words like
08:56Last and love
08:59But it is never that
09:03Vows are not discarded for such things
09:06Vows are discarded because of something
09:09Here
09:11Being unresolved
09:12Of here
09:16Is this your normal tactic?
09:18Your counselling?
09:20Is there a surprising amount of anger in your words?
09:24You know
09:27You are a new
09:29Amongst the young priests
09:30I'm recently finding
09:31That it's all about the liturgy
09:33And the social work of priests
09:36Is rare
09:37I mean
09:37What do you think a priest should do?
09:40Bring people to God
09:42So that all may bathe in his light
09:48Not play God
09:50Without a thought to the consequences
09:53Does this, does that make me a conservative?
09:55Or does that make me careful
09:59With the needs of others?
10:01When we overstep
10:02We risk
10:03Them
10:04It's inappropriate
10:06It's wrong
10:07What if help is what they need?
10:09Or
10:09Do we let them ask for help?
10:13Or do we tell them that they need it?
10:19David
10:19Who is so reckless
10:23We should go in
10:53In the name of the Father
10:55I hope you've all been sent
10:56The agenda
10:57Let's start with the building fund
10:59We've had a good quarter
11:01So donations are high
11:02Which has allowed us
11:07I don't even know what she said
11:11I just found myself
11:15And so
11:18I jumped
11:19In the power of the winner
11:20I jumped
11:21In the throne
11:22I can slap the fingers on you now
11:24Do we let them ask for help?
11:28Timberius
11:29Are you helping here?
11:31Play God
11:32Without a thought
11:33To the consequences
11:34Or
11:35Bring people to God
11:39You might cause
11:41David
11:44So reckless
12:02Black coffee
12:04Six sugars
12:05Okay
12:09It works
12:11Trust me
12:15Okay
12:18You gave us all the fright
12:23Just a stomach bug
12:25Want to talk about it?
12:28Do you want me to call you a sponsor?
12:30I don't have a sponsor
12:32I've just come to the meetings
12:34Not to judge
12:36But those I know
12:37Who don't have a sponsor
12:38Are usually trying to avoid something
12:40They're usually being a bit
12:43Dishonest
12:43With themselves
12:47This is so kind
12:49But do you mind if I go?
12:50I'd rather you didn't
12:52I was say
12:53All the same
12:54All the same
12:58Double
13:05Come on
13:10Goodbye
13:12Bye
13:12Bye
13:15Bye
13:15Bye
13:16dynamics
13:17These are many
13:19I'm
13:20I'm
13:22I'm
13:22I'm
13:22I'm
13:23What's happening?
13:24It's Polly. She's struggling to breathe.
13:54The End
14:07Mum?
14:08Oh, hello.
14:10What are you doing here?
14:12Well, I didn't want to go up there.
14:13I assumed you already had enough attention on you.
14:16So you thought you'd just hang around on the off chance?
14:19Well, it's a regular haunt, is it not?
14:21Well, I've got some deliveries to do. You could help me.
14:32You've started smoking again.
14:34Don't tell your dad.
14:37I couldn't stop thinking about what I said to you.
14:40Which bit?
14:42The cruelty stuff, or the other stuff?
14:45Or was there any other stuff?
14:46Hmm.
14:48I met a boy when I was 15.
14:51Poorly pressed.
14:52Terrible moustache.
14:54Used to walk me home from school.
14:55I was at this terrible girls' school.
14:57Hmm. You told me about the girls' school.
14:59Not about this boy.
15:01He didn't talk much.
15:02He'd just mooch along beside me.
15:04I'd always be embarrassed whenever he got near my house
15:07because my mother would watch out of the window.
15:10She liked to interfere, my mother.
15:12Hmm.
15:13Sounds familiar.
15:14Yes.
15:16But my point is, I knew he wasn't very impressive.
15:21He had good eyes.
15:22His shoulders were always hunched.
15:24He didn't know what to do with his hair.
15:26And he had an acne problem.
15:29But his being, his insides, were quite special.
15:36As was the fact that he was absolutely certain of what he felt about me.
15:42Didn't care if people laughed at him.
15:46Just was as he was.
15:48Anyway, one day my dad exploded at him.
15:52Nothing violent, but the things he said, he tore him apart.
15:55How he looked, how he spoke, what he was going to be.
16:00I can still remember most of the words.
16:01It was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
16:04Certainly the worst thing that ever happened to him.
16:06Was he okay?
16:08What happened to him?
16:09Well, I married him, of course.
16:11Spent my life with him.
16:13But it was dad.
16:14Well, I didn't mean it to be a surprise.
16:20I know I've not always been the happiest mother.
16:24Wife.
16:26I have had, have, an unhappiness of my own that I brought with me into the relationship that being with
16:34you, with Chris, hasn't resolved.
16:38But he was, when I imagine my life without him, I see only turgid blood.
16:50But why haven't either of you ever mentioned this to me before?
16:54The dad would follow you home.
16:57I was lucky I met him when I was 15. I think I was on the verge of many mistakes.
17:05My home wasn't, I think I'd have been unhappy. Unhappier.
17:12Don't know how he feels about that.
17:14Of course, rougher end of the bargain.
17:19Well, I wasn't supposed to make you cry.
17:22Fucking hell, whatever I say makes you cry.
17:24So now you're telling me that I should believe in love.
17:27I'm telling you you're your father's daughter.
17:30That when you know, you know. When you love, you love.
17:35I'm saying sorry.
17:38When you joined up, became Sister Anna, you ripped my heart out.
17:44And then suddenly you're on the other side and it's supposed to be okay.
17:48I was confused.
17:51But I do believe, if love is what you need, then...
17:58I, uh, I stopped him.
18:02Mum, I stopped him from kissing me.
18:04Oh? Why?
18:09Because he wasn't ready.
18:10Because he's a priest. Because I was bloody stupid.
18:15So let me understand.
18:17You were ready to burn your life and he wasn't.
18:21And then he was and you turned him away.
18:23Yes, exactly.
18:25But he kissed you.
18:26It was a mistake.
18:27So you ran away back here.
18:30Interesting.
18:31First time I've known you a coward.
18:35Oh.
18:37I came here to be nice.
18:40I can't do nice.
18:43I'm sorry.
18:45I do love you.
18:56What have you done this time, David?
18:59This is serious and worrying behaviour.
19:03This could be a police murder.
19:06David hit a boy in the throat.
19:09With a dinner tray.
19:11I wasn't trying to.
19:12David, he asked you to be quiet.
19:14I was trying to get away from him.
19:15Are you helping here?
19:16David is a dangerously disruptive presence here.
19:23David, forgive me father.
19:24Forgive me father.
19:25For I have sinned.
19:28Those the right words.
19:31They always told me I didn't have to come here, but...
19:34You're just interested in how it works.
19:40Or have you something you want to talk to me about?
19:44I'm not sure.
19:46The way this works is you tell me what's troubling you.
19:50I listen.
19:53And then...
19:54I give you a prayer or something to perform.
19:59So...
20:00Whatever mistakes you've made.
20:02And...
20:03We all make mistakes.
20:06God can set you on a journey of...
20:11Correction.
20:12I hate them.
20:14Who do you hate?
20:16Everyone.
20:18I don't like anyone.
20:19I hate them all.
20:23Who?
20:25Your parents?
20:27They're not my parents.
20:29They're good people.
20:31I just hate them.
20:34It's hate a sin.
20:38Most hate is temporary.
20:40It's passion.
20:41And so it can be challenged.
20:43It can be changed.
20:46I don't understand.
20:48Everyone talks about God's love.
20:51God loves you.
20:53God loves everyone.
20:56But you know the best thing about God's love?
20:58He wants to love you.
21:00He wants you to love yourself.
21:03And to love him back.
21:06And maybe...
21:07If he can do that...
21:10Maybe...
21:12You can find infinite love for others.
21:15Now, wouldn't that be beautiful?
21:30I'm afraid to tell you that Sister Polly Everon died three hours ago.
21:36I am so sorry for all our loss.
21:41Polly was here longer than any of us.
21:43She found great comfort here.
21:45God here.
21:49The last thing she asked me, and she was very weak, unable to say much,
21:54was that she'd be buried in the convent.
21:58We have never had that before, but having looked into the matter, she had no other surviving family.
22:04So if not here, I'm not quite sure where else to put her.
22:10I also think I would like a trace of her left with us.
22:17I would like her to remain a part of how we live.
22:21I've spent my life here looking up to her.
22:24For that and many reasons.
22:27A prayer for her.
22:32Dear Lord, we thank you for our sister Polly.
22:37We thank you for her goodness and her grace, her certainty and her spirit.
22:45We hope she will find a way to serve you in the next life as well as she has in
22:49this one.
22:51We loved her.
22:52Amen.
23:22Thank you for joining us.
23:23Thank you for joining us.
23:23I just have to overcome it.
23:41What for?
23:42Open heaven.
23:42What for?
23:44I'm in heaven.
24:06Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
24:12But you're always a bad thing, you know.
24:20Your life, I, is different.
24:25Everyone who matters, I see you, who you are.
24:30The one I think matters, knows you're a good man.
24:41The best of harnesses, how do you?
24:49The second, the recognition required.
24:55And I, I've been here, I've moved more.
25:01I've been here, I've been here, I've been here, try it for her.
25:10Come on, come on.
25:15I've been here, I've been here, try to hurt.
25:23I see, I see.
25:31I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
25:42She sees me.
25:43It's got you.
25:45It's a big thing.
25:48She sees me.
25:50Shhh.
25:59You're just done.
26:01Shhh.
26:03You're right.
26:05Ah, poof.
26:12I don't think you are me.
26:34They who dwell at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your signs.
26:40You make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy.
26:47Psalms, chapter 65, verse 8.
26:51Very good.
26:58It wasn't a man for me.
27:01Or a woman, I should say.
27:03Modernity, etc.
27:05The absence of that was never a problem for me.
27:10But there were six months after I turned 50 when I couldn't understand the lack of devotion of those coming
27:16in.
27:18Six months.
27:19It was probably three years.
27:23You'd been with us 15 years or so by then and I looked at you and I thought,
27:27maybe the time has come for me to take this all off.
27:32To let you take over.
27:34Maybe I'd like to escape away.
27:37Maybe my family.
27:38My family have a small farm in Donegal and my brother would make me very welcome.
27:44My point is, it's such a strange gift we're given.
27:49The certainty of a marriage without all that comes with that.
27:53Polly found it effortlessly.
27:55I don't think she ever doubted her journey.
27:58But most, most of us have moments of struggle.
28:07Is this you telling me that you forgive me for leaving?
28:11I still think about Donegal.
28:16As abbess, you are both my children and my sisters.
28:19And I sometimes, when I'm in pain as I am today, I sometimes wish I could just escape.
28:26But I don't.
28:30I stay and I try.
28:33Out there is no escape.
28:37I know.
28:39But you do understand, Anna, outside is hard.
28:43But this isn't a century from that.
28:46Both are work.
28:48Both have to be work.
28:57I have to be in business and be in Seo.
28:57No.
29:26But I think he has a new tech cabin.
29:27Uh, Hedda, I'm- I'm- I know who you are.
29:31I didn't want to go into the, um, convent.
29:37You don't want to face the Abess.
29:40You hope to find Sister Anna round the back instead.
29:45It's not quite that.
29:47She's just finding her peace again.
29:49And you want to disturb it.
29:53I just want to see her, talk to her.
29:54For her own good, or for yours.
29:58We love her here.
30:01She loves being here.
30:04Don't disrupt her again.
30:07She's not as strong as you think.
30:10Go home.
30:13Please.
30:27Be safe.
30:43Use your Mohan.
30:43All right.
30:44You won't dozers!
30:44You won't doers!
30:51You won't, baby?
30:51We are going to hide.
30:52Action and 주 you off!
30:52Attention cakes, sweetie, please.
30:52A rel sweet, cat gets the addictive.
30:53A split first pillow.
30:54In Papa's face, oh yes, try.
31:17Can I have a wall plug, please?
31:20A what?
31:20Wall plug.
31:21It's a white plastic thing.
31:23It looks like the head of an arrow.
31:25Yep.
31:27It doesn't look like an arrow.
31:29And yet you still knew what it meant.
31:34Is it ready?
31:36No.
31:39When will I know you haven't broken everything?
31:41Haven't you got homework?
31:42You need my help here.
31:48It's finished.
31:54Oh.
31:56It's tuna pasta.
31:58You're welcome to stay for dinner.
31:59No?
32:01Oh.
32:01Um.
32:03I better go back.
32:05Good decision.
32:07It'll probably be horrible.
32:09I'm trying to sneak fish into everything and ruining everything.
32:12And then most days she gives up and just eats crisps.
32:16I know.
32:18I know.
32:18Well that's a well done for trying to smile.
32:21Just to let you know I hate that smile.
32:23Sorry.
32:24I know that smile too.
32:29When he saw you, are you allowed to see what he asked for?
32:35No.
32:37I think it's a good idea to show.
32:41I still think about him.
32:46Not always in a bad way.
32:51Does that make me shit?
32:53No.
32:56Serenity feels like a long way away.
33:00I don't know if you know, I've also had addiction issues.
33:05Yeah.
33:07Phil told me.
33:09Alcohol.
33:10Phil told me that too.
33:13I just wanted to say, if you do need to talk to someone,
33:18the sign of the cross bit isn't so important that they can't talk to you as a human, do you?
33:23It's kind.
33:25I've got a sponsor, but that's kind.
33:29I find the meetings really useful, but the sponsors weren't ever really for me.
33:35Because the ones that want to fix don't like to be fixed.
33:38I've seen your type before.
33:41You've seen me before too, I'm sure.
33:45A few people in similar places.
33:49Do they do okay?
33:52They come out the other side?
33:56Mm-hmm.
33:57Yeah.
33:58They did.
34:01You want to ask about the ones like you?
34:05Ask if they sorted themselves out?
34:08Yeah.
34:11Well, one did.
34:14One didn't.
34:17See, I was a lot more honest than you then, wasn't I?
34:22Sure you won't stay for dinner?
34:25Yeah.
34:29Thank you for the stare thing.
34:34I hope you make it through.
34:37You're one of the good ones.
34:41I think you're one of the good ones too.
34:45I think we'll both make it.
35:33Almighty, ever-living God, you rule both the living and the dead.
35:38And are merciful to you.
35:41We humbly beseech you.
35:43That those for whom we pour out our prayers.
35:47May obtain pardon for their sins.
35:51Through your tender mercy.
35:55Amen.
35:55Amen.
36:11Do you find this place to be a sanctuary, Bimpe?
36:14I do.
36:16But you work hard at what it requires of you.
36:20Faith is hard.
36:22I'm not talking about faith, I'm talking about...
36:27If I hadn't found a way for them to let you stay,
36:30would it have been easier if they'd just thrown you out?
36:35I'm grateful you didn't let them do that.
36:38Why?
36:39Why, what...
36:41What do you find here?
36:45Belonging.
36:47And...
36:48And sometimes that peace you talked of.
36:51Peace.
36:51I don't think I was...
36:53Alonging.
36:57Good.
37:00Good.
37:02Good.
37:06Good.
37:09Good.
37:10Good.
37:16Good.
37:21you knew didn't you the sanctuary comment was you guiding me i am a guide
37:34you knew i didn't fit here anymore i did not i just wanted you to think
37:43how this made you feel how being here again made you feel i want it to be home but it's
37:53not
37:55i think
37:58i feel that staying here would be cowardice
38:06this
38:10this just isn't the life for me anymore
38:13do you know what you will do no
38:18are you going to him
38:21no
38:24it's not about that
38:26i'm not sure it was ever about that
38:32i have to
38:34i have to find
38:35a new answer
38:38a new peace
38:45you are not a coward anna
38:47no
38:49i'm a
38:51an unemployed
38:54largely uneducated middle-aged woman
38:59but i do know a huge amount about
39:00the bible
39:05i have loved
39:06sharing your
39:09god's home
39:12and i i do love god
39:16i know
39:20the last time i i left in panic
39:26but this time
39:28this time i mean it
39:37i have loved you
39:43i love you
39:48and i have felt your love
39:51and i hope you have felt mine
39:59no
40:00no
40:10no
40:11I don't know.
40:46I don't know.