- 2 days ago
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00:10To be continued...
00:37To be continued...
01:23To be continued...
01:30How long was he going to be in the room?
01:33I trust we are. He's putting together a very important deal. He was talking to President Reeve him, wasn't he?
01:40President Reeves? Really?
01:48There you are, Ruddy. Where you been? Damien phoned for you hours ago.
01:52I know. State transportation workers have gone on strike.
01:56On strike? I thought Damien had made strikes illegal.
01:59Yes. The police were shooting them as I left. Damien said he wanted to see me urgently.
02:07I'll take you through.
02:09Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:12I've heard it all before.
02:14Oh, bonnet de douche. Bonnet de douche.
02:17That's what I'm saying, Mr. President.
02:21Oh, shut up, you tarp.
02:24Listen to me, Keanu. You just sit there in the White House all day twiddling your thumbs.
02:28You're just playing at leadership. People are beginning to see through you.
02:32What's wrong with going to war with China? War is good.
02:36What a boy. What a boy.
02:39Well, of course millions will be killed. A war without death is like a salad without watercress.
02:45Oh, you worry too much. I've got a busy night, so make the declaration tomorrow.
02:52What's going on here? I ordered a messenger over an hour ago.
02:56He's here, Damien. Damien's here, look there.
03:00Uncle Rodney.
03:08Damien?
03:09I want you in Beijing for the war. You report back to me.
03:14War? I don't want to go to war.
03:17War is good.
03:20I won't go to war.
03:22What would your Uncle Albert say?
03:25I don't know.
03:26Well, we'll ask him then, won't we?
03:31Join the war.
03:34Join the war.
03:36Join the war.
03:38Join the war.
03:38Join the war.
03:39Join the war.
03:40Join the war.
03:41Join the war.
03:41Join the war.
03:44Oh.
03:45You rang your Lord Shoe.
03:47Soldier?
03:48What are you doing here?
03:50Damien took over my bank and fired me.
03:54Now I'm the maid.
03:58That's a job, Rod.
03:59No.
04:01This isn't fair.
04:03Rodney.
04:04It's not right.
04:06You shouldn't be doing this.
04:07Rodney.
04:08Everything was nice.
04:10Now you're going to mess it all up.
04:12Rodney.
04:13I want to go back to how it used to be.
04:15Rodney.
04:17Rodney.
04:19Rodney.
04:20Rodney.
04:22Rodney.
04:23Rodney.
04:24Rodney, wake up, you dipsick.
04:29Oh, God.
04:30It was a dream.
04:31Have you been smoking that Rastafarian Old Hoban again?
04:35Oh, no.
04:37I just drifted off there for a while.
04:39Oh, man.
04:39I had the wildest dream.
04:41Well, yeah.
04:41What was it about?
04:42Was it about sunshine and little birdies and that all going tweet, tweet, tweet?
04:46Was it?
04:46All right.
04:46Sorry.
04:48So, what's happening?
04:49What's happening?
04:50What is happening?
04:51I'll tell you what's happening.
04:53We have bought 150 Latvian radio alarm clocks that go off whenever they bloody well like.
05:00We've also got 200 aerodynamic cycling helmets that turn out to be horse riders' crash acts
05:05that some git has sprayed red.
05:08We've also got a box of baseball caps that even E-17 fans wouldn't wear.
05:12Oh.
05:13And also, my home improvement grant has been rejected.
05:17Apart from that, everything is fine.
05:19Thank God.
05:20Everything normal.
05:22Mackell!
05:23Darling, there's a letter out here for you.
05:24What's the matter with you, anyway, falling asleep a quarter to eight in the morning?
05:27Won't you get enough sleep at home or what?
05:28You know my situation.
05:30It's Cassandra and this baby thing, innit?
05:33Hospitals worked out another schedule for us.
05:36I'm at it like a rattlesnake, Delis.
05:39I always thought that was your ambition.
05:41Well, some people dream of singing La Traviata at the Royal Opera House, don't they?
05:45Don't mean they want to sing it three bloody times at night.
05:49No, and off, mate, your throat's sore, wouldn't it?
05:51Yes.
05:56I put her on a special diet and all that.
05:58What?
05:58The gyna...
06:00The gyna...
06:00The gynaecologist.
06:01Right.
06:02He reckons it's only a matter of time, but Cass keeps getting all broody.
06:05I've got her a rabbit.
06:09Rabbit?
06:09What's that?
06:10Part of her diet, is it?
06:11No, a pet rabbit.
06:12I like how she made her fuss over.
06:15I know it was a stupid idea.
06:16I wish I hadn't bothered now.
06:17So, at the hospital, they passed all the tests and that, right?
06:19Oh, yeah, yeah.
06:20And, oi, this is personal.
06:22I don't want this being broadcast.
06:23Of course not.
06:24Who's going to listen?
06:26I suppose you've had her tubes looked at, have you?
06:28Yes.
06:29Of course.
06:30Everything's fine.
06:31We just can't crack the case.
06:33Every day I'm taking specimens down to the clinic and God knows what else.
06:37Because it's all to do with ovums and things.
06:42And the hospital keeps showing me this film of inside the human body.
06:46God, then I'll put you off, Del.
06:49Yeah, I should think so.
06:51Give me Debbie Does Dallas any day of the week.
06:54Anyway, listen, come on, we'll have a spot of breakfast if we go down the market.
06:57What do you fancy?
06:58Oil dig?
06:59No.
07:03Oi, Del.
07:04Yeah?
07:04Can I ask a favour?
07:06Yeah?
07:07Can I ask a softener enough?
07:09Well, she hasn't put you in for another C and two, has she?
07:12No, no, no, no.
07:13We're having a celebratory lunch because, um...
07:16Well, it's my birthday.
07:17It's your birthday.
07:18Oh, a la bruchette.
07:22It's your birthday.
07:23I forgot all about it, didn't I?
07:25Oh, sorry.
07:26Look, well, if it's your birthday in that case, well, the answer is no.
07:30You wouldn't expect Richard Branston to want the afternoon off.
07:34He don't even know it's my birthday.
07:38Not your birthday.
07:39I mean, if it was his birthday.
07:41No, because he wouldn't be too busy down the old financial fast lane.
07:45He wouldn't be going out, jodding it up, just because it's his birthday.
07:48Oh, all right, then.
07:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
07:52Of course you're going to have me out on this.
07:53Oh, it's your birthday, didn't it?
07:55Hey, hey, hey, come on.
07:56I bet you thought I'd forgotten.
07:58There you go.
07:59There's your cards.
08:00Look, birthday boy.
08:03That one's from Damien.
08:07Oh, goodness.
08:09No, don't worry about those for a minute.
08:11Take a look at that.
08:13That is a present from me.
08:15And Raquel, of course.
08:22chunky gold identity bracelet yeah i can say that oh it's just like mine rodney see that look look at
08:29that it's great that 24 karat gold no rubbish look it's even got your name on it look
08:38no no no no that says look rodney no that says rooney
08:43should be right no no no that is a d it's just that it's like copper plate writing
08:53come on i don't want you getting all over emotional on me
09:06what's that it's a chunky gold identity bracelet
09:12rooney
09:15looks like rooney that's an o isn't it no that's a d he's copper plate writing well looks like rooney
09:22from where i'm standing where'd you get it from it's your birthday present oh it's your birthday
09:28sorry happy birthday rodney thanks del chose the present i didn't even know what he got you
09:34where is he he's in the kitchen he's a bit disappointed actually the council just turned
09:39down his application for a home improvement grant i suppose they didn't have half a million pounds
09:43handy so what's he want to do then who knows put an extension on the balcony and build a double
09:48garage knowing it
09:50no au contraire i just wanted five thousand pounds so i can improve the kitchen units that's all
09:55well that sounds fair enough oh get real rodney there's no way he was going to put new units in
10:00he just wanted the five grand oh no no because the council would have checked to see you'd have
10:05the work carried out all you've got to do is to give them 18 months odd story and they forget
10:10all about it because you're too busy organizing carnivals and things anyway they've turned me down i don't
10:15want to discuss it because now it's epidemic in it who's the letter from sweetheart i don't know yet
10:26look at this git scum
10:32morning damien i got a new hat dad got it for me yeah i know it's a cracker and all
10:37in it son
10:37night my dad gets me everything do you want to play war
10:45no i'm a bit busy come on runny you've got time for a little battle
10:49no i'm all right honest all right you stay there champ i'll get your cereal all right
10:55when i'm older will people still wear baseball caps
10:58when you're older damien people will wear whatever you tell them to wear
11:08little git i thought for this country shot and shell and how'd they treat you
11:15bloody fairy
11:18oh you old albert your socks look like the bomb squad's been having a go at it
11:22all i need now is that hospital i'll get you and cassandra pregnant and i'll have two of the
11:26little sods bouncing things what do you know about me and cassandra in the hospital nothing
11:31son nothing at all
11:34what's an ovum
11:36i don't believe you were you listening to me and dale's conversation
11:41i wasn't listening i just heard
11:44don't worry you know me son i'm saying nothing
11:51there you are morning admiral listen you be careful will you go and collect your pension down at the post
11:56office today there's a gang of muggers hanging about this area
11:59no don't worry me son i box for the navy they used to call my left hand trotters trembler
12:07i wonder what they called your right hand
12:11hey rodney rodney come on come on quick come on let's go let's go let's go
12:14what's the hurry
12:16come on just let's go rodney
12:17do you want me to loan the van that
12:19no no no no no no we haven't got time for that
12:20i've got to take the cappy gear in to tune it up and i've got to meet a bloke down
12:24the market and you get your coat on and get out of here
12:26go on for where you are
12:28see you later sweetheart bye
12:32what's the instant harry for
12:34i don't know
12:37oh no not again
12:46did i tell you what councillor murray said to me when she gave me this medal
12:50yes
12:50trigger you are boring the pants off me with this bloody medal
12:55no
12:56she said
12:57i thank you on behalf of the council and the people of peckham
13:03she said
13:08what do you fancy brothers
13:09uh half a cheese roll
13:10one cheese roll
13:12i still find it hard to believe
13:14so do i
13:15medals for road sweepers
13:17good god they'll be giving del boy an award for good taste next
13:21well you know
13:22well i don't
13:23thank god you've arrived
13:25he could bore you two with it now
13:27what's that
13:29what's that
13:29trigger's got a medal
13:32oh yeah
13:33where'd you find that then trick
13:34no i was awarded it
13:35look
13:37it's a picture of me receiving my medal from councillor murray
13:40see
13:41that's me
13:44oh that's you
13:46i'm glad you cleared that up
13:48here
13:49you have a look at that mini trick will you
13:53oh right
13:53so that's that councillor murray is it
13:56she's the old cow that refused my application for a council grant
14:00i've been so humiliated in my life
14:02but derek and when you have the time you must tell me all about it
14:07hey
14:07i don't mean some of your friends down at the masonic lodge have got influence in the town hall
14:11no
14:12it's just that i've often wondered what it must be like to apply for a council grant
14:19the day started off so well didn't it
14:22it's councillor murray's idea
14:23she's head of finance and facilities at the town hall
14:26and she says that local people should be rewarded for services to the community
14:31a proud moment in my family's history
14:33trigger
14:34you haven't got a family history
14:36you were created by a chemical spillage
14:39at a germ warfare factory somewhere off the depth of cost
14:42maybe
14:43but i still feel proud
14:48so what exactly is the award for?
14:50for saving the council money
14:51i am to mention to her one day that i've had the same broom for the last 20 years
14:56she was very impressed he said have a medal
15:00twenty years
15:01that's a long time date
15:03yeah
15:04well that's two decades
15:05i wouldn't go that far
15:07but it's a long time
15:10er
15:10treat
15:11just a second
15:13if you've had that broom for 20 years
15:15have you actually swept any roads with it?
15:18well of course
15:19but i'd look after it well
15:21we have an old saying that's been handed down by generations of road sweepers
15:25look after your broom
15:27did your broom look after me?
15:29no don't
15:30it's just
15:30look after your broom
15:36oh that old saying
15:37yeah
15:37and that's what i've done
15:39i've maintained it for 20 years
15:42this old broom
15:45has had 17 new heads
15:47and 14 new handles here it's time
15:55how the hell can it be the same bloody broom?
15:58well here's a picture of it what more proof do you need?
16:03this has come as a bit of a shock to me
16:06i haven't heard from you for years
16:08the last time we met i got the impression i wasn't very important in your life anymore
16:13yeah i understand
16:15okay let's meet
16:17no i'll come to you
16:20this weekend
16:21i'm not sure
16:24del
16:25i don't know really i suppose i'll have to tell him the truth
16:28i'll give you a call
16:31okay
16:33i know you do
16:35of course i still love you
16:39bye
16:50all right sweetheart?
16:51yeah
16:52what have you been up to?
16:54oh me i haven't been down the market
16:55i met a bloke
16:57done a deal about some electric donut makers
17:00yeah while i was down here i uh pubbed into Boise
17:02he told me that mike down in egg's head selling tickets for a party on saturday night
17:08you know
17:08would you like me go?
17:09this weekend?
17:11yeah
17:11no not really
17:13oh
17:13okay
17:15any fun of course?
17:17er no
17:17del
17:19can we talk?
17:21of course we can
17:23there's something i've got to tell you
17:26i'd like to sit down
17:31i mean both of us
17:32i mean both of us
17:33all right yeah
17:44that letter i got this morning
17:46it was from my mum and dad
17:48i've just got off the phone to them
17:50oh it's from your mum
17:54okay
17:55yes
17:56yes
17:57yeah
17:57what's on my hand i'm terrific
17:59oh dear
18:01i didn't know you had a mum and dad
18:03i hate that
18:05what men was
18:06well you've never mentioned them before
18:07years ago we had a big bust up when i told them i wanted to go into show business
18:12i said i wanted to be a dancer and act and everything
18:16my dad is a bit old fashioned
18:17he said some nasty things
18:19you can imagine
18:21so i stormed out
18:22went into digs and that was the last contact i had with them
18:25until now
18:26they got my address from the landlord at my old flat
18:28they've been phoning for the last couple of weeks but they just kept getting the answer machine
18:32yeah well i know darling i mean a lot of people get nervous about leaving messages on answer machines don't
18:36they
18:37no they left lots of messages but the rotten machine wouldn't record them
18:41oh dear
18:43i don't know what's wrong with this machine
18:45i reckon that some of the electronic circuitry needs adjusting that's all
18:50you know
18:50like that
18:52so i phoned them
18:54we had a nice chat
18:55they seemed different sort of
18:58understanding
19:00i cried
19:03hey hey hey
19:04it's all right
19:06it's all right
19:06come on sweetheart
19:08my mum said they missed me
19:10my dad said he loved me
19:12oh well
19:14come on
19:15that is lovely jubbly innit
19:17i told them about damien
19:20yeah
19:21they were pleased
19:22yeah
19:23they seemed really excited they had a grandson
19:24told them all about him
19:26all the little things he does
19:29hmm
19:31did you uh
19:31you know tell them about me
19:36i mentioned you
19:39did you uh
19:40you know tell them what i did
19:43no there wasn't time
19:44they just wanted to know about damie
19:46oh yeah
19:47of course
19:48of course he would that's all right
19:49yeah
19:50they mentioned going up there at the weekend
19:52they want to meet him
19:53oh
19:53that'd be nice
19:54well we'll pop up there then shall we
19:57i
19:57yeah
19:59the thing is
20:00well
20:01see
20:02my dad's a bit of an old fuddy-duddy and
20:04he hasn't been well recently
20:06god this bloody thing
20:08and i think
20:09meeting you
20:10might be a bit too much for him
20:13so i'm glad to offend you
20:15that's the last time that i buy anything off that ronnie nelson
20:19oh
20:20god
20:21right then the weekend
20:23oh
20:24mont blanc
20:26oh no i can't go on saturday
20:29because i've got to go up to covent garden and pick up a van load of aubergines
20:32oh
20:34oh
20:35and they were really looking forward to meeting you as well
20:38never mind
20:41all right sweet
20:42i'll tell you what
20:42why don't you and damey go and have a nice time
20:45hey
20:45why don't you take the capri gear
20:47and let them see that their little girl has done all right for herself
20:51thanks dear
20:53i do love you
20:56yeah i know i will
20:57i'm that sort of bloke really
20:59anyway
21:01what does your dad do
21:03he's an antique dealer
21:04is he really
21:05right now that's interesting you see because in the garage
21:08i'm not taking anything with me
21:10no all right then
21:11no okay no that's fair enough
21:12just
21:13just a thought that was all
21:14now go on you go darling
21:16build a few bridges eh
21:17i'll try
21:19i'll make you coffee
21:20yeah that'd be lovely
21:32mum was crying
21:33hmm
21:34oh what's that chan
21:35mum was crying
21:36oh was she
21:37oh dear never mind
21:38come and sit here
21:40women do that you know
21:41you'll learn that when you get a bit older
21:44anyway
21:44you know where you're going on saturday
21:47you're gonna go and see your nan and your grandad
21:48have i got a nan and grandad
21:50yes you have now
21:51did you get them for me
21:52they don't
21:54totally belong to your mum
21:56oh
21:56they're gonna make a right fuss of you they are
21:59they'll love you
22:00because they're lovely people
22:01what they called
22:02hmm
22:02what they called
22:04what they called um
22:06um
22:08nan and grandad
22:11feed roger
22:12yeah
22:13trapped a carrot in earlier
22:15good
22:19don't worry
22:21i'm not
22:22it's only once tonight
22:25right
22:25at least i think it is
22:28at least i think it is
22:34just the once
22:36look at tuesday
22:41happy birthday again
22:42thank you
22:46i'll leave off cash
22:48sorry
22:49rooney
22:51del's got to be the only bloke who can buy a gold identity bracelet and take it to a dyslexic
22:55engraver
22:57you got lots of nice presents as well
22:59yes i did
23:01and i spoke to mummy today
23:02and she said as a special birthday present to you why don't we fly over to the villa next week
23:07i'm owed some time off and del hasn't given you a holiday since
23:10well he hasn't given you a holiday
23:13i thought it might help
23:15sangria
23:16warm evenings
23:18yeah sounds good doesn't it
23:20hold on what about a rabbit
23:22couldn't we give it to del
23:23no he'd eat it
23:25well aren't there any sort of kennels
23:27you know a place that looks after rabbits
23:29like a cattery but well a rabbitry
23:32a rabbitry
23:32that's a chinese toilet
23:36hang on
23:36can you mum and dad look after him
23:38hardly they'll be at the villa with us
23:40they'll be there as well
23:42why are we supposed to
23:44relax and stick to the schedule with your mum and dad there
23:47i've figured it out rodney
23:48we won't do it in front of them
23:52when we want to
23:53you know
23:54relax
23:55we'll go to our bedroom
23:57what do you think
23:59well they'll be in a room next to us
24:02i mean
24:03what about all the panting and the screaming and a yes yes yes
24:06you'll just have to control yourself
24:12besides i can't leave del business ain't going too well
24:15oh come on rodney
24:17i can't care
24:18still needs me here
24:20you go
24:21you don't mind
24:22well of course i don't
24:24a rest of do
24:25do you good
24:28means we'll have to put our schedule on ice for a week
24:31well i'm afraid so
24:40you both got tickets for saturday's party
24:42i can tell you're looking forward to it
24:48here boys you and marlene fancy something nice to eat
24:51yeah i do as it happens mike
24:53shall we pop down the harvester in a minute
25:01i don't get much trade but i do have a good laugh
25:04bloody hell
25:05here trick
25:06do you fancy a ticket tenner each
25:08righto mate
25:10what do you mean righto mate you don't even know what they're for
25:14this barn would tell you on a ticket
25:15i didn't think of that
25:21here do you know trick every year us publicans we hold a fancy dress ball
25:25you know prizes the lot
25:26this year it's old harry malcolm's turn
25:28he's the governor down at the crown and anchor
25:30he's holding the party at his house
25:32he's got a great barn of a place over on the common
25:34hey the first prize is a brand new stereo system worth over a thousand pounds
25:39yeah fancy dress i've only got my mohair suit and my best jumper
25:42perfect
25:44did i tell you about my medal
25:46yeah three times yesterday and twice this morning
25:50did i tell you marlene
25:51yes love you sent us a fax last night
25:59all right mike
26:00ah watch it sweetheart
26:03stop it honestly
26:06cassandra get off all right then did she
26:07yeah yeah just got packed in the airport
26:09hey and raquel's a waiter isn't she
26:11i bet you two will be out gallivanting saturday night
26:14no not at all sweetheart
26:15a mug of born vito plate of toast a match of the day for us rodders isn't it eh
26:19oh heaven
26:20oh that's nice
26:23broony
26:25no that is rodney
26:28you see it's not an o
26:29it looks like an o but it's not cause it's
26:32copper plate writing
26:35it's quite up today isn't it
26:36yeah
26:37got more life in one of these meat pies over there
26:41come on michael give us a drink will you
26:43lager top for rodney and i'll have a
26:46a baileys and cherryade
26:49yeah dal do you fancy something to eat
26:51that's about a nice plate of beef stew
26:53oh yeah go on i'll have some of that then
26:55it'll keep the cold out won't it
26:56oh you won't be careful of the old beef dal
26:58oh shut up you brass
26:59i don't know what you're worried about
27:00i've been eating british beef all my life
27:11egg and chips please mate
27:13what do you want rodney
27:14something that was fresh this morning
27:16alright give him the daily mirror will you
27:20alright
27:20alright dal boy
27:23any luck
27:24yes loads of it denzel all bad
27:26i bumped into paddy the greek
27:28do you remember those nine carat
27:30twenty four carat gold
27:33well apparently they've all been deported
27:36along with ugandan morris
27:39why'd you trust him with all that gold in the first place
27:41because he told me he was an exporter
27:43yeah an exporter
27:45it just had to sack from british rile
27:51life's one long struggle anyway
27:54i feel a bit like that king farooq
27:56trying to hold back the tide
28:00what are kids you look after now
28:01it's can you
28:02yeah you can say that again
28:05yeah dal do you want to buy a ticket for republicans ball
28:08yeah certainly
28:09which one left or right
28:13your loss
28:13yes well i've got to go the host is a fellow mason
28:18mind you last year to do was a good laugh
28:20well i heard it all ended up in a punch-up
28:22yes it did but during the struggle
28:25marlene got a whack in the know
28:27and you did nothing about it did you
28:29well how could i you threw the first punch
28:32were you injured
28:33no fortunately her makeup cushioned the blow
28:36no
28:39i have just remembered
28:41i was supposed to take cassie's specimen to the clinic this morning
28:46i've gone and left it in the kitchen on your worktop
28:48that's all right
28:49don't worry you can take it in tomorrow can't you
28:51no you don't understand
28:52they mustn't be left in direct sunlight right
28:54you've got to find a cool dark spot where it won't be disturbed
28:56how about boys
28:58about boyce's pants
28:58ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
29:02ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
29:06yeah everything fine rachel
29:08although there's no food in the fridge
29:10no i'm not complaining you just have a nice time girl
29:13all right
29:14oh hold on hold on i think del's back
29:17del moy
29:18sorry
29:19is rachel on the phone
29:20oh right ok
29:22No, no, tell her I'll take it in the bedroom, all right?
29:24He's going to take it in the bedroom, love.
29:26See you soon. Bye.
29:29I suppose your Cassandra will be there by now.
29:32Yeah, yeah, she'd have landed about an hour ago.
29:35Bloody groaning.
29:37I don't know why you wear an ID bracelet.
29:39Men, real men, didn't wear them in my day.
29:41Well, you used to wear them dog tags round your neck.
29:44That was an ID necklace, completely different.
29:47To be honest with you, I don't really want to wear this thing,
29:50but I don't want to hurt Del's feelings.
29:51Oh, I understand, boy. Yeah.
29:53During the war...
29:54No.
29:56I had a mate who had exactly the same problem.
29:59His mum had bought him a gold watch and he hated it,
30:02but he didn't want to hurt her feelings.
30:04So what did he do?
30:05Well, one night he went round all the pubs in Portsmouth,
30:08fashioned his gold watch about.
30:10On the way back to his ship, he got mugged.
30:12Problem solved.
30:13Oh, that was a good idea, wasn't it?
30:16A lot of muggings going on round here, Rodney.
30:18Hell, but I'm not seriously considering it as a viable option.
30:21You've got all right, eh?
30:23Well, I'll just have to tell you.
30:26Be gentle, though.
30:30Look, Bill,
30:33about this thing you gave me for my birthday.
30:36It's a beauty, isn't it, eh?
30:37Eh?
30:38Well, yeah, but the thing is...
30:41I'll tell you what,
30:42Raquel and Damien are really having a nice time.
30:44They're getting on really well, you know,
30:46with her mum and dad.
30:47Oh, well, that's good, isn't it?
30:48Yeah.
30:49Well, you didn't fancy going to meet your common-law-in-laws, then?
30:53Well, to be honest, Rodney,
30:55yes, I did, but Raquel didn't want me to go.
30:59Well, she told you?
31:01Yeah, I know.
31:02No, as you see, she was having a difficult time telling me,
31:05and, well,
31:07I made up an excuse and let her off the hook.
31:11I think that she thought I might embarrass her.
31:15Yeah.
31:18God, what do you mean, that's silly.
31:22How could you possibly embarrass her?
31:24I don't know, that's what I thought.
31:26Hey, I'll tell you what.
31:27Did you know that her old man is an antiques dealer?
31:30Eh?
31:31Yeah.
31:31I thought I might let him have a look
31:33at that Jacobean cine camera we got in the garage.
31:37I'm sorry, you were saying about the bracelet?
31:39Oh, no, nothing.
31:41I'm well pleased with it.
31:42Yeah, that's it.
31:43You'll never forget your name now, will you?
31:47It all goes away for a few days
31:49and this flat becomes a shambles.
31:51There's nothing in the fridge,
31:52the bed is on the turn
31:53and that apple juice is horrible.
32:01He's a moaning old git, isn't he?
32:13Cassandra's specimen's gone.
32:27I don't believe it.
32:29What am I going to tell Cassandra?
32:32All right, all right, you tell her.
32:33You tell her that, um,
32:34you spilt it in the van
32:36when you went round the corner.
32:38Oh, I can't lie to her, do you?
32:40All right, tell her I haven't got Albert Frank it.
32:41I can't tell her that, can I?
32:45It's just one thing after another, isn't it?
32:49Rodney, listen, we've got to get out of here.
32:51What do you mean?
32:52Well, listen, I've been thinking.
32:53Now that Cassandra's away with foreign climes
32:56and Raquel's had it away on her toes to Milton Keynes,
32:59you know what tomorrow is, don't you?
33:01It's the big party, isn't it?
33:02The publicans ball.
33:03So, I was thinking,
33:04while the mice are away,
33:06the cats could go out and play, huh?
33:10Be like the old days, Rodgers.
33:12I mean, I'm going to be pulling birds, are we?
33:14We never pulled any birds in the afternoon.
33:19Chance have we got now.
33:21Come on, Abe, what do you say?
33:22What do you say?
33:24Well, it's just a bit of harmless fun, isn't it?
33:26Well, of course it is.
33:27A couple of hours, you know,
33:28sausage roll and a grin.
33:31I'll tell you what,
33:33the first prize is only a stereo system
33:36worth £1,000.
33:38What do they give prizes for?
33:39Well, for the best fancy dress.
33:42Fancy dress?
33:43Hold on, I ain't going out dressed up like some Zoom.
33:46Come on, Rodney.
33:48Look, it's only a laugh, isn't it?
33:49We just pop down the ice tree,
33:50get ourselves a couple of costumes.
33:53Rodney, I need your help to win this prize.
33:56Cos you're the one with the GCEs in art.
33:59You've got the flair and imagination.
34:02Shall I tell you what I'm imagining right now?
34:05I'm imagining that since you knew Raquel was going away,
34:08you've been planning on going to this party
34:10and trying to win that stereo all along.
34:14How dare you!
34:17If only your mother could hear you now!
34:19Is that what you really think of me?
34:22Here I am with my child and my wife,
34:25gone away for what is obviously a demanding and draining weekend
34:28and all you can think of is,
34:30oh, that's all right, Del Boy can go out for a jolly up.
34:32That's it, is it?
34:33That's what you think of Del Boy?
34:36Shallow as a worm's grave.
34:44Oh, you know, I just thought it was...
34:48Well, you know, it just seemed a bit...
34:50No, don't!
34:53I'm bleeding.
34:56All right.
34:59I'm sorry, then.
35:03All right.
35:04Your apology is accepted.
35:07Oh, hold on.
35:08I just remembered this door.
35:09It's an old ticket affair.
35:11Oh, I know.
35:11I got us a couple as we were leaving.
35:12Oh, stupid!
35:17I feel stupid.
35:19I don't know how we got out of the estate without being seen.
35:22Don't worry.
35:23We'll be there in a minute.
35:25Yeah, but then we've got to get home dressed like this.
35:27Who's going to see us at five o'clock in the morning?
35:30Yeah, I suppose.
35:31Five in the morning?
35:32You said we was only going for a couple of hours.
35:35Yeah, I know, but, you know, you get involved, don't you?
35:40What's happening?
35:42There must be something wrong.
35:44I wish I was mechanically minded like you.
35:47Oh, very funny.
35:49All right, I'll open the bonnet.
35:50You go and have a look at the engine.
35:52Oh, have a look?
35:52I'm not getting out dressed like this.
35:55You have a look.
35:55It's your van.
35:56You little tart, Rodney.
36:22Do you see anything?
36:24No, it's all right dark in here.
36:31What are you looking for?
36:40Just trying to see if there's any petrol coming through to the carberry.
36:52Don't be daft, there's no petrol coming through, is there?
36:55Must be some sort of a blockage.
36:57I mean, that's why we've broken down.
37:03Will you get back inside the van?
37:05I don't want people seeing you dressed like that.
37:22Well, what are we going to do now, then, eh?
37:25I don't know, Derek.
37:27We are sat in the middle of Peckham at 10.30, dressed up as Batman and Robin.
37:31And it was you who chose these costumes.
37:34I wanted to go as the Blues Brothers.
37:36We would have still broken down and be in this embarrassing situation, wouldn't we?
37:42Oh, yeah.
37:43Yeah, we'd have been wearing suits and ties.
37:45Yeah, right, a couple of zooms, we'd have looked.
37:49We'd have never won first prize as the Blues Brothers.
37:53No, but at least we could have walked home.
37:56Oh, look, just shut up and try to think of a way out of this.
38:00All right, all right, let's just think about it.
38:10We phone the RAC.
38:13Yes, and we asked to get put through for the broken down whilst dressed as a couple of Prats departments.
38:24All right, then, the police.
38:26Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
38:28We never live it down.
38:29Our lives would be hell.
38:31We would have to hemigrate.
38:33At this particular moment, Del, that doesn't sound like a bad alternative.
38:40The pubs are going to be chucking out soon.
38:42They'll tear us to shreds.
38:44You know what?
38:46Harry's place is nearer than our place's.
38:50Do you know, we could be there in five minutes if we ran.
38:54We'll be seen.
38:55No, we won't.
38:56What do you mean, be seen?
38:57Look, all the streets are empty, look, aren't they?
38:59At the moment.
39:00But I guarantee the second I slip out of this van, a thousand people are going to pour out of
39:05the...
39:07Out of the place where a thousand people are.
39:11No.
39:13Not if we go through the back streets and the back alleys.
39:16Because the only people there are the winos and the crackheads, aren't they?
39:19And let's face it, they see Batman and Robin every night of the week.
39:24Five minutes.
39:26Five minutes.
39:27That's all we run.
39:39I'm going now, Tom.
39:41I'll see you out.
39:45Good night, Councilor Murray.
39:46Good night, Tom.
40:04Sorry, miss, you've seen a policeman round here.
40:06No, I haven't.
40:08Good.
40:08Then get some money.
40:09What are you doing?
40:10Tom!
40:13Help!
40:14Someone shut her up!
40:15Get a break, mate!
40:18Gary!
40:23What's happening?
40:25I have the faintest idea.
40:26I have the faintest idea.
40:55Yes?
40:56I recognise you from your photograph.
40:58Derek Trotter, you may remember me.
41:01I wrote to you some time ago about...
41:03Help!
41:05Let's go!
41:08Sorry, moustache.
41:10Duty, mate.
41:28Oh, poor shit.
41:29There she is.
41:30There she is.
41:35What's of you two, comers?
41:37Oh, no, girl, boy.
41:38I don't know what you're doing, Rodney, will you?
41:41Just ignore him.
41:43Oh, dear.
41:44Come on, then.
41:45Where is everyone?
41:45Straight through there, caped crusader.
41:49You are going to be nothing dressed like that.
41:52You see that, brothers?
41:53Look, we have come as Batman and Robin.
41:56The boys have come as the Penguin.
42:00Oh, no, girl, boy.
42:02Not the Penguin.
42:04Nor like the Joker.
42:09Kenny, Mike from the next head.
42:12Listen, I was really cut up yesterday when I heard about your dad.
42:15You're asking.
42:17Still, at least he didn't suffer.
42:19No, he had a good innings, and he'd have been well chuffed to see all his family and friends turn
42:24up for his weight like this.
42:34Derek?
42:36Harry died yesterday.
42:39Harry?
42:40Harry's gone.
42:47Why didn't you tell us that out there instead of letting us come in here like that?
42:52Yeah, I mean, we was going...
42:54I completely slept my mind.
42:57Strange what grief can do.
43:05Del, I don't know if you remember me.
43:06I'm Kenny.
43:07Harry's son.
43:10Yes, yes, of course, of course I remember you, yeah, yeah.
43:13I phoned around everyone at the time when the party was off.
43:15I must have left four or five messages on your answer machine.
43:17Obviously you didn't get them.
43:19Uh, no, the machine's playing up a bit.
43:22I'm going to throw that bloody machine away when we get home.
43:25Kenny, look, I am.
43:26I am really sorry about this.
43:28Don't be silly.
43:29The old man's most probably up there now in a bloody good laugh, that's all.
43:32You'll stay, won't you?
43:36Yeah, no, no, of course, of course we're going to stay.
43:38Go and grab me a sort of drink inside a week.
43:40Yeah, all right.
43:41Cheers.
43:55Theodore.
43:56Thanks.
43:58Didn't you know Harriet died?
44:02Of course we knew Harriet died.
44:04That's why we came dressed as Batman and Thingy.
44:08Robbie.
44:09Yes.
44:12I suppose the prize giving's off now then, is it?
44:15No.
44:18All right, Del.
44:19Dave.
44:21Bit of a choker, old Harry popping off like that, didn't he?
44:24Yeah.
44:25Oh, we didn't even know the fancy dress party had been cancelled.
44:28Me neither.
44:31I mean, that's your costume.
44:34Yeah.
44:35I'll come as a chauffeur.
44:38I feel a bit stupid now.
44:42Now you come to mention it, you do stand out a bit.
44:46I'm going to cheer up the widow.
44:47Leave him here.
44:51I don't think you and Del would have won first prize.
44:54No?
44:54No.
44:55You're all right.
44:56But Del don't know nothing like Tonto.
45:04Here we are.
45:04Here they are.
45:05Look.
45:06Aerodynamically designed cycle helmets as worn by Chris Boardman and his cousin Stan.
45:11Hey.
45:11Look at that.
45:12Beautiful.
45:13No.
45:14Right.
45:14Okay, then.
45:14What else have we got here?
45:15I'll tell you what we've got.
45:16Look at this.
45:17Baseball caps straight from L.A. as worn by M.C. Hammer.
45:21Oh, yes.
45:23These, there you are, madam.
45:24Buy one for your kid for Christmas.
45:25Yeah, they'll look lovely in his stocking, I'll tell you that.
45:27No?
45:28Right.
45:28What else have we got?
45:30Ah, yes.
45:30What we've got here.
45:31Look at this.
45:32We've got the unisex baseball caps.
45:35Look at that.
45:36There you are.
45:36Buy one for your son.
45:37Buy one for your daughter.
45:39Well done.
45:40It's all right.
45:42Del.
45:42Yeah.
45:47Hey!
45:47What's going on?
45:48Hey!
45:49What's your game?
45:51You want me to get after you?
45:52Go on.
45:57Hey.
45:58Are you all right?
45:58You all right, darling?
46:00Hey?
46:00Little puggers, lick me handbag, son.
46:03Oh, me bloody arse is hurting as well.
46:06You just take it easy, will you?
46:08Just take it easy.
46:09Hey, look.
46:10Someone call an ambulance for her, will you?
46:11Also call the police.
46:13Hey, go, oi!
46:40All right.
46:48All right.
47:14All right.
48:08All right.
48:11Whoops-a-daisy.
48:13We read and we hear about so-called have-a-go heroes, but we very rarely have the honor of
48:19meeting one.
48:19Well, I'm proud to say that here in Peckham, we have our very own have-a-go hero.
48:25And so it is my great honor and privilege to present this medal for bravery to Derek Trotter.
48:41It's Batman.
48:44Mr. Trotter, can I have a couple of pictures?
48:46Oh, munch two, munch two, munch two, yes?
48:49How come you got a medal?
48:50I didn't want to run him.
48:52Yes, I know, but you were running away from him.
48:59I was not running away from him, actually.
49:02I was just luring him.
49:04Well, you were half luring him fast, then.
49:06You shot past me like Linford Crispy.
49:10Minus that poodle that he keeps down in shorts, of course.
49:14Could you mind out of the way, please, sir?
49:16Yes, could you mind out of the way, please?
49:17Rodney, you're casting a shadow on the hero.
49:26Why didn't you get a medal, Rodney?
49:28Eh?
49:29No, they offered me one, but I said I wanted to remind Anonymous.
49:34Oh.
49:40Mr. Trotter.
49:42Councillor Murray, we met the night you were dressed as Batman.
49:49I've never been so frightened in my life.
49:52It was only a costume.
49:54No, I mean terrified of that awful gang of muggers.
49:57Oh, see, yes.
49:58Still there behind bars now, thanks to you.
50:00Oh, don't mention it.
50:01If ever there's anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to call me.
50:04Well, thank you very much indeed.
50:07Councillor Murray.
50:08Hey, um, as a matter of fact, there is a little something that you might be able to help me
50:15out with.
50:16Do you think we could have a little chat?
50:18Of course.
50:19Come this way.
50:20Hmm.
50:21Cushed it.
50:24Well, we're going to have to cut this one out for the old family album.
50:27Trotter's never won a medal before.
50:29Well, now it's won three or four dozen.
50:33Why'd they use the word man?
50:35You could have mentioned Rodney.
50:37I mean, why didn't they say men?
50:39Yeah, Rodney was there as well.
50:41They do mention him, eh, huh?
50:43Mr. Trotter was aided in the capture of the muggers by his younger brother, Rooney.
50:51You say it's bloody wrong, lady.
50:54Come on then, ladies and gentlemen.
50:56Come on, charge your glasses.
50:58Because I have got something to say on this auspicious occasion.
51:03And that is, not only am I the only trotter to win a medal without getting wet.
51:10But this is a double celebration.
51:13You told them.
51:14Oh, I never.
51:14I swear.
51:15How do you not find out?
51:17Find out what?
51:17You mean you don't know?
51:19No.
51:20Oh.
51:21Well, in that case, let me just say that if, in the near future, anybody wants to buy Cassandra
51:27and I some, uh, mother care vouchers, they will come in bloody handy.
51:32Oh, yes, my son, we have scored!
51:35And it was a beauty!
51:38It's coming, old!
51:40It's coming, old!
51:41It's coming!
51:42But, no, it's not funny!
51:44And it's not soft to me!
51:46Uh, well done like that!
51:48Oh, I'm pleased for you, son.
51:50I know you've been thrilled to get there, now.
51:55How about that, then, eh?
51:57Her little cousin for Damien to play with.
51:59Hey!
52:00Yeah!
52:01Wait a minute.
52:03You said this was a double celebration before you found out about Cassandra being pregnant.
52:06So what else are we celebrating?
52:08Oh, that's right.
52:09Then it's a triple celebration.
52:11Well, because you know that I was turned down for my home improvement grant by the council.
52:15Well, they have changed their minds and sent me a cheque for 5,000 pounds.
52:20They've sent you 5,000 pounds?
52:21Yes, what can't speak can't lie.
52:25Signed by Councillor Murray.
52:28It's not a bad old world, is it, bruv?
52:31It's getting better all the time, Del.
52:34Lovely jubbly.