- 23 minutes ago
Rivals - Season 2 Episode 2
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:16People sometimes ask me,
00:18do sportsmen make good politicians?
00:22I say yes.
00:25If you like your politicians brave, disciplined,
00:28strong in body, mentally agile.
00:31Someone who knows how to truly commit,
00:33working night and day to make your life better.
00:37Someone who knows they're playing for the winning side,
00:40who was born to win and refuses to lose.
00:43Someone who can ride any storm and even let others take the lead
00:47without ever tiring or letting go.
00:49Someone who is flexible and used to competing in difficult positions.
00:53If that ticks all your boxes, may I invite you to tick mine?
00:59Oh, you look spectacular.
01:02That was a party political broadcast by the conservative party.
01:06You do know that's an antique?
01:11The mirror's pretty old, too.
01:14Helen.
01:14Helen.
01:15Helen.
01:17Helen.
01:19Helen.
01:29Helen.
01:37Helen.
01:39Helen.
01:40Helen.
01:41Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:42Helen.
01:43Helen.
01:43Helen.
01:44Helen.
01:45Helen.
01:46Helen.
01:47Helen.
01:48Helen.
01:48Helen.
01:49Helen.
01:49Helen.
01:51Helen.
01:52Helen.
01:53Helen.
01:54Helen.
01:55Helen.
01:57Helen.
01:58Helen.
01:59Helen.
01:59Helen.
02:00Helen.
02:00Helen.
02:04Helen.
02:05Helen.
02:10Helen.
02:13so you forgot not for a second half-term break you have until Wednesday I've been
02:17looking for time your poker face is terrible more of a bridge man I do like
02:22a foursome hi Marcus the children's bags the clothes are all labeled there's a
02:36list in there if you could check them all off when they come back Tabitha came
02:39home without a single sock last time hello hi I'm mrs. Gordon the children's
02:52mother yeah and then this is Cameron I've heard so much about you Philadelphia
02:59right yes ma'am well New York by way of Philly you Florida hmm and hi you must
03:07be Tabitha obviously who are you I'm I'm your your father's girlfriend you're
03:17bloody not okay I'm gonna leave you to deal with that I'm late for my plane my
03:28husband is waiting where are you going Venice oh baby we should go to Venice I'll
03:33waste it on Rupert I'm afraid okay kiss the children for me I'll see them
03:38Wednesday Wednesday right I'm sorry I didn't know that they didn't know about me
03:42enjoy Venice don't fall in
03:56Tabitha come and meet Cameron properly
04:06tell you should order the beef Luigi's is legendary I'm not really enjoying red meat at the moment ah Monica
04:12couldn't eat eggs for nine months couldn't see them in the pantry without feeling nauseous
04:20so explain to me how it's mine
04:24do you remember the day I joined Carinium celebration dinner at the bear in
04:27Bisley two courses me for pudding forgive me I'm not the only suspect James and I didn't
04:34start until miss Carinium you knew of a husband no Paul lost his libido at the same time as his
04:38cabinet suit not something you'd ever have trouble with I imagine you're feeling a bit pushed out
04:47since BT came on board at Carinium am I right you're also aware that cameras out you're wondering if a
04:54little power move like this might move you into the position she vacated Queen of Carinium sad to
05:01say Sarah we're not inviting applications at present nor are we looking for an illegitimate
05:06heir to the throne get rid of it I know a very good chap in Harley Street had this sorted
05:11out in no
05:12time termination not a nice word better to think of it as a cleansing of your soul be a shame
05:23if this
05:23were to hang over your blossoming career it would hang over you too though wouldn't it and Monica
05:39eminently deniable unless that's a prog pops out with a cigar in its mouth you don't wait to prove
05:45it's mine here you go mmm thank you thank you bon appetit mmm try the beef
06:06come on don't try to play chess with me Sarah you're not clever enough we both want rid of this
06:19problem so you sort it out as quick as you possibly can good girl
06:30Rupert's all over bloody everything they've shown his party political broadcast five times this week
06:35he's been on breakfast time and TV AM both channels both channels meanwhile I can't even get invited on
06:44Cotswold Roundup a program presented by my own wife thank you darling so listen I've made some calls
06:51and we're gonna have a dinner party on Tuesday see if we can't turn some local goodwill into actual
06:56television coverage show Tony Baddingham we mean business dinner party here do you know Winifred
07:06always used to throw me dinner parties in the run-up to an election and I never had to suggest
07:14it
07:14myself oh good for Winifred yes perhaps you should start thinking about what to cook
07:28so
07:37so
07:38so
07:58You're too good to those birds.
08:00I like how busy they are.
08:03I work so hard at surviving.
08:04Morning.
08:06Aubergine's from the market as requested.
08:09Aubergine's in the Cotswolds.
08:10Biles was in London last night.
08:12I've got to make six, um, what's that again?
08:15Moussaka.
08:16Thanks to Moussaka for the Women's Institute AGM.
08:19And I'll spare one for your lunch.
08:20Can't wait.
08:21Do you want a hand?
08:22I'm a decent sous-shave.
08:23Oh, okay.
08:25Morning, all.
08:26Good morning.
08:29Boss lady's here.
08:36Morning.
08:37You must be Marcus.
08:39Hello.
08:40Which makes you Tabitha.
08:42And you're Declan O'Hara from the telly.
08:44Declan O'Telly, that's right.
08:46This is all looking great.
08:48It is, but Charles called me this morning.
08:51Turns out Carinium are also developing a series of Shakespeare plays for the school's market.
08:56Do you know about this?
08:57It's another thing from our application document, isn't it?
09:24All right, then.
09:25Where do you want this, Declan?
09:29Over here.
09:29There you go.
09:30Oh, fuck.
09:31I'm sweating carbs here.
09:33Who is this person?
09:36Good morning, Venture Television.
09:37Shelley speaking.
09:38Well, we said we needed a secretary.
09:40She prefers executive assistant.
09:42Declan, BBC for you.
09:51Declan O'Hara.
09:54Hello, Jeremy.
09:56Hi, Baz.
09:56Oh, hello, Munchkin.
09:59Oh, how about you?
10:00Is there any food?
10:01Lovely.
10:01Cameron made breakfast, but it was disgusting.
10:04Good man.
10:05Which is your desk?
10:06Why?
10:07The only character in my life.
10:09I want to know everything about you.
10:11That's fantastic.
10:11We've put you over here, Cameron.
10:12This is the driving seat.
10:14Why don't you go into the kitchen and find Taggy?
10:17Yeah.
10:17She'll get you a snack.
10:18Go on.
10:18Just do that.
10:19Absolutely.
10:19I scrambled some eggs.
10:20How is that disgusting?
10:21Will do, Jeremy.
10:24So, our Yeats documentary is now officially in development.
10:30Oh!
10:31I love a bit of Yeats.
10:34Oh, honey, so recently you were pronouncing it Yeats.
10:36So, what happens now?
10:37Take a trip over to Ireland, scout out some locations.
10:40We don't need to shoot in Ireland.
10:41We've got landscape coming out of our ears in Rudshire.
10:44With all due respect, Cameron.
10:46It says the man about to say something disrespectful.
10:49Fucking Rudshire looks nothing like Ireland
10:52and is ignorant to even suggest that we would ever...
10:54We should be trying to film wherever is least expensive.
10:56I don't want the maths club running the drama group, all right?
10:59Oh, hello, children.
11:01Uh, there's nobody in the kitchen.
11:05Okay, uh, take a seat and we'll...
11:07we'll find you some cookies or something.
11:09Huh, Shelley?
11:12You don't want the maths club running the drama group.
11:14I don't want the drama group being irresponsible
11:16with Venturer's program budget.
11:22Oh, my God.
11:24You little shit.
11:26Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:27Come on, the timing was good.
11:29Cameron's articated!
11:31Ew, I can smell it!
11:32Thank you, darling.
11:33I'm just going to speak to her.
11:42Hey, uh...
11:45Why don't you take her with you?
11:47Well, show the landscape,
11:49make her fall in love with the place.
11:51You want me to take Cameron to Ireland?
11:54Why am I...
11:55Suspicious.
11:58I can really use a few days alone with the kids.
12:02try and talk to them about this new...
12:05relationship.
12:08Help me out here?
12:12Yeah, yeah, all right.
12:18Taggy!
12:20Taggy, I've got your...
12:25Dish.
12:28Hello.
12:30Freddie.
12:33You been okay?
12:40Not great.
12:42No, me neither.
12:44No bloody coffees!
12:47So, hello, Lizzie.
12:48Sorry, snatching a moment.
12:50Didn't mean to interrupt.
12:51Oh, no, don't worry.
12:52I don't know why Muggins here
12:52has been left to make the coffee
12:53while Shelley's sat on her arse
12:55with her tin of Family Circle.
12:57I always prefer to sit dinner biscuits.
12:59Yes, I am.
13:04How many times have you shagged now?
13:07Once.
13:08And never again.
13:10Surely not.
13:11I'd imagine Mr Jones is a very considerate lover.
13:14I'm married.
13:15Yes, to James Verica.
13:17We can't all just do what we want, Rupert.
13:20The rules are there to stop people getting hurt.
13:22That's why most of us try to stick to them.
13:24I came to give this back to Taggy.
13:27We were all quite surprised
13:28when you moved Cameron into Pensacom Court.
13:31Well, I hope it's working out.
13:45Beaver, fetch!
13:47I'll only be a few days in Ireland.
13:50Honestly, how is he my son
13:52with an underarm like that?
13:55You won't do anything silly, will you,
13:57if Tony comes prowling around?
13:58Is him with a showjumping trophy?
14:02If he had anything on us,
14:03he'd have used it by now.
14:04Look, I said I would be here to look after you,
14:07and I will.
14:08Mm-mm.
14:09I think you like that you rescued me.
14:11What happens when I don't need
14:12taken care of anymore?
14:13Yeah, I might have rescued you the first time,
14:15but the second time you rescued yourself,
14:17and I like that very much.
14:21Well, I guess Tabitha's not coming to say goodbye.
14:23Look, I know she's been a little toad.
14:26I've never had a woman here
14:28at the same time as the children.
14:30Whatever else I've done, I've stuck to that,
14:31so of course she's rattled by meeting you.
14:33It's your own bloody fault
14:35for making me adore you enough to break the rules.
14:39You know what?
14:40I'm gonna miss you.
14:47And I'll miss you too, Blue.
14:50Bye, Marcus.
14:51Bye.
14:58Do you think she'll come back?
15:02Why wouldn't she?
15:24Are you lost?
15:26Oh.
15:28Sorry you're upset.
15:31I'm taggy.
15:32I live in the house down there.
15:35I like your purple skirt.
15:37I always wanted one,
15:38but my knees are too knobbly.
15:41Hey, this is Gertrude.
15:43She's a good listener.
15:44I tell her all my problems.
15:45Her voice isn't very good, though.
15:47She mainly just woofs and girls.
15:52You think you can tell her what's wrong?
15:54Daddy doesn't love me anymore.
15:59There you are.
16:04Darling, what did I tell you about running away?
16:06This is taggy, Daddy.
16:08She lives down there.
16:09Yeah, we've, uh, we've met.
16:12Can she come to tea, Daddy?
16:14Please, please?
16:15Oh, um.
16:18Yeah, come and have some tea.
16:19Why not?
16:21Um, I've got to get home,
16:23but another day, okay?
16:26Come on, pup.
16:30Okay, home time.
16:34I don't think she likes you, Daddy.
16:44Good morning, Rudsha.
16:46What a beautiful, sunny morning it is, too.
16:49With the general election only days away,
16:51this morning we'll be asking if Rudsha will stay as conservative as ever,
16:55or if local MPs,
16:57whoop at Campbell Black for Chalford and Bisley
16:59and Paul Strassen for Conchester
17:01should be watching their backs
17:03for a potential liberal landslide.
17:12And here is the kitchen,
17:14where you'll be making all the magic happen.
17:17Cooker, fridge here, pantry,
17:20a walk-in cupboard there,
17:21that's where Paul keeps all the wine and whatnot.
17:23Um, you're happy with the recipe?
17:25It's just I know that reading's a struggle for you,
17:27isn't it, with your dyslexia?
17:29Oh, I'm fine. I've got everything.
17:34For writing it out so big.
17:35No, I know beef.
17:36It's a bit much, isn't it,
17:37for a summer dinner party,
17:38but, well, it's his favourite.
17:40My husband's favourite, I mean.
17:42And with the election and Paul needs all the TV coverage you can get.
17:45Oh, of course.
17:46And you don't mind staying in the kitchen tonight, do you?
17:49It's just, it's a bit awkward.
17:51You being venturer.
17:52Oh. Daddy doesn't know,
17:53but he can't really complain we need the money.
17:55Ah.
17:56Well, just don't go poisoning all of Carinium in my dining room.
18:01Seriously, though,
18:02you really mustn't let anyone see you.
18:03Oh.
18:04OK.
18:05I've rather given the impression that I'm doing the cooking tonight,
18:07so I really need everything to be perfect.
18:10Right.
18:13OK, well, I'm going to go to the hairdressers.
18:16Um, don't answer the door,
18:17but if somebody calls, just pretend to be the daily, OK?
18:21Oh, sure.
18:22Um, what if anyone sees me in the kitchen tonight?
18:24Shh.
18:25Mm-hmm.
18:30I'm stuck into the pantry.
18:36This afternoon, the MP for Chalford and Bisley
18:39was in Stroud with his children
18:40to open the newest branch of Waitrose,
18:42armed with a very large pair of scissors.
18:45And three, two, one.
18:47Yay!
18:48Well, thank you.
18:49No, delighted to drop in on our walk around Stroud.
18:51Waitrose is absolutely the best place
18:53to pick up a nice hunk of Cotswold bloom.
18:56In Chalford, Margaret Fulbright
18:58and the Liberal Party cabinet's campaign trail continues...
19:01No, no, no, no, no, no!
19:03Oh, God, no, you idiot!
19:08Um...
19:10OK.
19:11OK.
19:13Oh.
19:21Hello, Mrs. Stratton-Bishop in, thank you very much.
19:25That's the worst ratchard accent I've ever heard, Sarah, is Rupert.
19:30It's...
19:30It's not Sarah.
19:32Is that Taggy?
19:33Sarah said to pretend to be a daily.
19:36Um, uh, I'm actually after Paul.
19:38Um, is he there?
19:39It's party business.
19:41Shit.
19:42Oh.
19:45Darling, what is it?
19:46I'm making Mr. Stratton's favourite beef
19:48from the white elephant in Payne's Wig,
19:49only I've just dropped all the salt on it,
19:51and now it's ruined.
19:52Oh, Angel.
19:54Well, can you make it again?
19:55No, it's too late.
19:56The butcher shuts up for...
19:57God, it ruined everything.
20:00All right, leave it with me.
20:01Uh, you get on with the starter,
20:02and I'll be there in an hour.
20:04No, you don't have to do that.
20:08But there's an awful lot to do.
20:10Sorry, Gerald.
20:11I'm rescuing a constituent.
20:12Give me that, my money!
20:14Can't have it.
20:15It's free parking, not three pounds.
20:17Oh, that's free parking, not three pounds.
20:48She's got it
20:51Yeah, baby, she's got it
20:56I'm your Venus
20:58I'm your fire
20:59You're my fire
21:06Are you nearly done?
21:07They're sitting down.
21:08Well, some of them.
21:10Nearly, nearly.
21:12Quick, someone's coming.
21:13Quick, in here.
21:18Gorgeous canapes, Sarah.
21:20Oh, thanks so much.
21:22I love those.
21:24Taggy O'Hara makes them.
21:26Yes.
21:26Yes, I asked for the recipe.
21:29Oh.
21:31What are you cooking us?
21:32I'm cooking Luigi's famous beef dobe.
21:35I had to almost sleep with him to get the recipe.
21:37But that's Tony's favourite.
21:39I can't wait to tell him.
21:40Can I do anything?
21:42Yes, will you tell the men to bloody well sit down?
21:44God, it's like herding cats, isn't it?
21:47Where's your glass, Lizzie?
21:48Have you put it down again?
21:49Yeah.
21:54Sarah?
21:55Sorry, did I make you jump?
21:57I'm so sorry for bringing your nemesis.
22:00Mother's not well tonight.
22:01BT overheard me on the phone
22:03and insisted she come along with me instead.
22:05I couldn't stop her.
22:06Don't worry.
22:07I put her next to James.
22:08Oh, actually, you can take this in for me.
22:13I need no second bidding.
22:22Now, can I take these?
22:24Are these ready to go?
22:25Oh, I'm not really ready.
22:26Well, they look ready.
22:27Actually, yes, they're ready.
22:29Sorry.
22:30Wow.
22:30And just remind me again, what are these?
22:33It's trout mousse with a cucumber salad and Melba toast.
22:36And did it take me long to make it?
22:38Not really, because we're very good at cooking.
22:46Beef daub for eight,
22:47direct from Luigi at the White Elephant.
22:49Oh, my goodness, you're a lifesaver.
22:52Oh, look, it's the same dish.
22:53Do you mind?
22:58Does your father know you're cooking for the enemy?
23:00This is the strangest job I have.
23:03It's Sarah, quick.
23:05Really?
23:06Yeah.
23:09I knew Sarah wasn't cooking.
23:11Oh, my God, please don't say anything.
23:12I'll be in such trouble.
23:13A word.
23:14I said I was going to the loo.
23:15Don't worry about it.
23:16Why don't you use the upstairs one?
23:17Well, I don't need the loo.
23:18That's okay.
23:19Okay.
23:23What are the herbs on top?
23:24Monica's asking.
23:25Oh, and dill.
23:26Dill?
23:26Oh, no.
23:28Paul wants horseradish.
23:29Oh, Sarah.
23:29No, no, not in there.
23:31Oh, gosh.
23:33What the hell are you doing here?
23:35I just popped round to see Taghi.
23:37Sarah.
23:38Wait.
23:42I have to speak to you.
23:43I'm hosting a dinner party, James.
23:45It can't wait.
23:46I'm sure it can.
23:47I am going crackers.
23:48Apparently, you are pregnant.
23:52Why did you hear that?
23:54Is it true?
23:55Is it mine?
23:56No.
23:57I'm getting rid of it, all right?
23:59Just...
23:59Please, don't say anything.
24:01Sarah!
24:02Sarah, you're in the kitchen.
24:03I'm getting in a bloody...
24:06I'm fine.
24:07Oh!
24:11Everything all right, darling?
24:12Oh, yes.
24:12What?
24:13Why?
24:13I don't know.
24:14You seem a bit...
24:14Oh, well, so do you.
24:16This is terribly important.
24:18I know.
24:19Oh, my insides are not right at all.
24:21Oh, it's probably just herbs.
24:23Yeah.
24:23Go upstairs and swing some of that pectom as mine.
24:25It's all right.
24:27Oh!
24:27Oh!
24:28Oh!
24:31If someone was in the other loo, so I went upstairs.
24:33Oh, it's no problem.
24:34Very good.
24:35Go and sit down.
24:37Have a drink.
24:38Another drink.
24:50Get back in there.
24:50If all is, this is your god.
24:51God, Sarah, I can't tell you the relief.
24:58It's not mine, is it?
25:00No!
25:00Fuck off!
25:01Get me the horseradish.
25:02Middle shelf.
25:03I know what the horseradish is.
25:05Let me!
25:05Oh, God.
25:07Oh, just a second.
25:08Oh, God.
25:10What does a girl have to do to get a proper drink around here?
25:14Murder a Scotch?
25:16Are we alone?
25:17Looks like it.
25:19Our plan is coming together deliciously.
25:22I genuinely think it might lose a particular unlovely person their particularly lovely job.
25:27Beautiful music to my ears.
25:29Hmm.
25:29You just need to keep a certain person out of my way.
25:36Oh!
25:37Hello, you two.
25:38Talking shop again, are we?
25:40Well, you really are the most attentive host.
25:42Every time I turn around, there you are.
25:44Well, actually, I was just popping in for this cheeky little burgundy to go with the beef.
25:48What do you say, Tony?
25:49Should we, uh, rip the knickers off?
25:50Oh, God.
25:51Absolutely.
25:52Excuse me.
25:52I mustn't leave Monica.
25:54Oh, did I mention what a wonderful job you're doing on the election campaigns?
25:58Sarah has learned so much from you.
26:00Well, she had a great deal to learn.
26:02Right.
26:03Very good.
26:09Right.
26:10This is my very important dinner party.
26:13All right?
26:13So I have to go back in there because people are going to start asking where I am.
26:17Please, get the main course ready and try not to do anything more to fuck up my night.
26:21Fine.
26:22Oh, Jesus.
26:23Okay.
26:25What can I do?
26:26Can you take this one with you?
26:31Hide the evidence.
26:32Of course.
26:32And this is definitely the salty one.
26:34Yes.
26:34Thank you so much for tonight.
26:37Wish I could pay you back.
26:39I mean, return the favour.
26:44Well, uh, actually, there is one thing you could help me with.
26:49Oh, yeah?
26:49Once we've escaped from cold eggs.
26:52This is just you.
26:53Can I just tell you something to you?
26:55About what?
26:56The entire purpose of this evening.
26:58Getting my face on Coridium Television.
27:01No.
27:01But he can't last you're still in here, can he?
27:04Oh, do me a favour.
27:05Crack open another bottle of red.
27:06This is really ploughing through it.
27:08Yeah, Roger, both of you.
27:12All aboard.
27:21Oh, God, she took it.
27:22What do we do?
27:22Oh, God.
27:24You'll have to go in there.
27:25I can't go in there.
27:25I really can't go in there.
27:27Oh, watch it.
27:28Oh, it's the wrong beef.
27:30What?
27:30You'll regret it if you argue, darling.
27:32Just run and get the beef.
27:34Hold on, guys.
27:35Yeah?
27:44What the hell is going on?
27:46Everyone in there thinks I'm Batty.
27:47Just say you forgot to garnish it.
27:49Sarah!
27:50What?
27:51Oh, my God.
27:55Is everything all right, Tom?
27:58Sarah, what is the daughter of Tony Battyham's greatest enemy doing in our kitchen?
28:03Oh, please, God, don't tell me she cooked a dinner.
28:08It's no good.
28:10It's no good.
28:11I'm never going to be able to cook like Winifred.
28:13Darling, I just wanted your night to be perfect, so I got Taggy to come and help me.
28:17I've been in the pantry.
28:19Sarah's done most of it.
28:21You want to find out, Paulie.
28:23Come on, nobody's seen her.
28:25As long as there's absolutely no chance of Tony finding out.
28:28Absolutely none.
28:32Come on, darling.
28:32Why don't you go back in there and top up everyone's wine?
28:36Could have been worse, you know?
28:37Could have been Rupert Campbell fuckface in this kitchen.
28:45I'm so sorry, but the Ruler Ouija cooked this one.
28:48It's really good.
28:51Yes, so I hear.
28:54Good luck in there.
28:56Come on, don't.
28:57Out.
28:58Hey, what the hell are you playing here?
29:00What?
29:00It's going around the whole party.
29:02Apparently, you've got a secret.
29:03If I hear so much, there's a whisper about it.
29:05I haven't told anyone.
29:06I can't help it if you have.
29:07Sarah!
29:08What?
29:09Get in.
29:10Get in.
29:12Darling.
29:13Huh?
29:14I can't seem to get Tony on his own.
29:16Now I'm chatting up B.T.
29:18Johnson only.
29:19I may have done too much.
29:20I made her think that I'm up for a clinch in the cloak.
29:21Oh, no, I'm still looking for the whiskey.
29:23Oh, God.
29:24Hide me, hide me, hide me.
29:26Hide me, hide me.
29:31Wine pantry?
29:32Aren't we posh?
29:38Don't hear you, Paul.
29:43So, listen, while I've got you, um, I wonder if you might see fit to get me on the old
29:47Cotswold
29:48round-up sofa this week, hmm?
29:49My final push before the election, you know?
29:52Win it for the blues.
29:55No, yes, no, no, no, no, I'm not sure what I'm going to do that.
29:59I'm sure I'm going to make that happen.
30:01Marvellous.
30:01Thank you so much.
30:04Um, after you.
30:09Ah!
30:10Oh, there you are.
30:13And you found Tony.
30:14Good.
30:15Good.
30:16Um, darling, I think he wants a scotch, so would you take that in for me?
30:20I might join her in one, actually.
30:22Tony.
30:26I'm seeing the Harley Street doctor next week, right?
30:28So what's all this about secrets?
30:33I didn't cook this, right?
30:36It's not about the baby.
30:38Listen to me.
30:39You get yourself unpregnated as quickly as possible, or no more dinner parties.
30:43Huh?
30:43No more uncensored.
30:45You got it?
30:46You are off the shelf till you sort yourself out.
31:12Ah!
31:13Ah, beef, dough, dough, dough, beef, beef, dough.
31:25Ah, sorry about that, everybody.
31:29Beef, dough.
31:31Oh, I do love them, Tom.
31:39But Taggy O'Hara cooked the whole thing.
31:42And Sarah had her hiding in the kitchen all night.
31:45No, you're just...
31:47Oh, there's Gerald.
31:48Don't forget to vote tomorrow.
31:50Rupert Campbell Black.
31:51Derry.
31:52Hello.
31:54Hello.
31:55Beautiful day for it.
31:56Look, Georgie, girl, I want you a beauty.
32:01Does Tony know you're fraternising with the enemy, Monica?
32:04Oh, we've all known each other far too long for any of that silliness.
32:08You, me, and Hermione were spiking the punch at the Junior Humborg
32:11before any of us even knew what a television franchise was.
32:15Muffy, your godmother was quite the firecracker, you know.
32:18Oh.
32:19Derry, darling, do you want some help?
32:21Mummy, will you take David back?
32:23Of course.
32:24Can I have fun?
32:25Cheerio.
32:26Come on, David.
32:26Yes, give me some of those.
32:27Lovely to see her so happy.
32:29Do you know, I really never thought she'd find anyone.
32:32Rupert Campbell Black?
32:33Yes.
32:34Quite something, isn't she, your Muffy?
32:37She's a trooper.
32:39Must say something of a surprise, Polo.
32:42Yes, sorry.
32:44Um, you were away when it all happened.
32:47I mean, I didn't know you liked, um...
32:52Dogs and horses?
32:53Yes, exactly.
32:55Well, you know what it's like when you find your person.
32:58Suddenly everything about you makes sense.
33:03So you have to screw the corners down really tight.
33:06No.
33:08No.
33:10Then you have to leave it for several weeks.
33:12Weeks.
33:13Teachers are patients, don't they?
33:14Done it with my brownies a few times.
33:16They love it.
33:17Do you go to brownies, Tab?
33:18You only go to brownies if you haven't got a pony.
33:23Oh, we can use them to decorate cards once they're pressed,
33:26like these ones I made.
33:27What's Taggy short for?
33:28Oh, Agatha, isn't that awful?
33:30Tabitha's so much nicer.
33:32I don't like it if people call me Tabby at school.
33:34Sounds like a cat.
33:36Well, my parents call me Tag, which sounds a lot like Tab.
33:39If Mark has shouted Tab, we both go charging into the room
33:41and bump into each other in the doorway.
33:47If you come to Warwickshire, you can see Biscuit, my new pony.
33:50Oh, I'd love that.
33:51Tab!
33:52Here we are!
33:55Daddy, could Taggy come back to Warwickshire with us tonight and see Biscuit?
33:59See Biscuit?
34:00That's another horse entirely.
34:01Please, Daddy.
34:02She can come and get burgers with us on the way.
34:04Oh, I said I'd give Mrs. Irma left times.
34:06By a walk.
34:07It's not far.
34:08You go see the pony.
34:11Blanche?
34:15I can't wait for you to eat Biscuit.
34:19Come on!
34:20Okay, okay, okay.
34:21Come on, come on.
34:21What Tabitha says goes.
34:24Last one to the chorus, a filthy rascal.
34:25Go, go, go, go, go!
34:377-11, I'm ready for drinks, don't I?
34:46Oh, no!
34:47A little quick check on 12, okay?
34:49Yeah.
34:52Braw the house down.
34:54Everything good, Mr. Campbell Black?
34:56Perfect.
34:57I'll have another, please.
34:59I can.
34:59And the pudding menu.
35:01Coming up.
35:02You can have pudding if Cameron's not here.
35:04Horrid Cameron thinks for its salad is a pudding.
35:06Yuck.
35:07Oh, Cameron's not horrid.
35:09You know, when I first met her, I did think she was a bit scary.
35:12Even Daddy probably thought she was a bit scary.
35:15I was terrified.
35:18If Cameron and Dad got married, she'd be our stepmother.
35:20I'm not calling her mother.
35:22You don't have to.
35:24Malise doesn't make you call him Dad, does he?
35:27You're so lucky, all these extra grown-ups you've got.
35:30Are you one of our grown-ups?
35:31I could be your grown-up friend, if you like.
35:43Delicious as ever, Basil.
35:45Is that the wine or the girl?
35:46You bet.
35:49And this is for you.
35:54It was.
35:55It was.
35:57I didn't realise you'd lifted the ban on super-villains.
36:00Closest place to Carinian for an off-campus cabal.
36:04Don't worry.
36:04I charge him double.
36:06Been discussing all the programme ideas.
36:08You've pinched.
36:09Not pinching, I don't think.
36:10We have everything we need.
36:11Just spending time with the family, same as you.
36:14Oh, I must congratulate you.
36:15I had no idea you had three such beautiful children.
36:21Do have a good evening, won't you?
36:41Mr. Stratton, welcome back to Carinian.
36:44Good to see you.
36:46And can I just say, I'll definitely be voting for you tomorrow.
36:49That's very kind.
36:51Thank you, Doreen.
36:53Doreen.
36:53Of course, the weather forecast looks perfect for a stroll into town tomorrow.
36:58But don't forget to vote on the way to the ice cream van.
37:02And can I just say, from all of us here, and of course, we would say this to candidates
37:05from all the parties, that we wish you the very best of luck winning Conchester.
37:10Well, of course, I'm hoping to continue to serve the fine people of Conchester.
37:14But frankly, I'm already the luckiest man alive.
37:17And in fact, Sarah and I expect to be rather busy in the coming months.
37:21Oh, well, wonderful.
37:22Because we're having a baby.
37:31I'm sorry, what?
37:35We could be happier, actually.
37:38Of course, things have changed since I first became a father.
37:40I gather men change nappies now.
37:42Oh, well, and how wonderful to hear it here first on Cotswold Roundup.
37:50Now, after the break, pie, cottage, shepherds, or just humble?
37:55Christ!
37:56Oh, how the bloody hell did he find out?
37:58I didn't tell him, I swear.
38:00So we don't know who it was, but we don't know what else they know.
38:06Oh, my God.
38:07I'm going to have to go through with it now.
38:15People have babies every day.
38:16You'll work it out.
38:19Go home and celebrate with your husband.
38:27It's uncensored tonight.
38:29Please, let me do the show.
38:31Please let me be brilliant and make it up to you.
38:32You're in no state.
38:33BT will do without you as planned.
38:35But...
38:35We're not changing the show now.
38:38I told you you're off the show until you sort your little problem out.
38:41To my eyes, the problem has.
38:43If anything, it suddenly got rather bigger, isn't it?
38:46Go on.
38:58We're going to do it tonight.
39:00Just as planned.
39:01Oh, yes.
39:02All guns blazing.
39:06Chin-chin.
39:13How did you find out?
39:14I saw Winifred pregnant a number of times, remember?
39:17I know the signs.
39:21So, were you planning on telling me at any point over the next six months,
39:24or were you just going to pop out shopping Monday and come here with the baby?
39:29How could you expose me like that?
39:31On live television, announcing it like it was part of your election campaign?
39:36I announced it because I think you might be under some pressure to get rid of it.
39:44I don't want you to.
39:48I heard Tony talking to you about determination.
39:54Don't I get a say?
40:00It's my child, too.
40:08So selfish.
40:09I'm selfish.
40:10I'm selfish.
40:10Hmm?
40:10You were the one considering getting rid of it for all the sake of your career.
40:13At least my career's going well.
40:15Do you know, a lot of women would be glad to have a baby with a father who's already been
40:18through it.
40:19Oh, yeah.
40:20I'm sure you were really invaluable.
40:21Did you trap Winifred?
40:23Hmm?
40:25Like you've trapped me?
40:26Unlike you, she wasn't constantly on the lookout for an escape.
40:29Well, I bet she's glad she got one in the end.
40:32If you've disgusted her even half as much as you disgust me.
40:36God.
40:37Do you know, I'm done.
40:38I'm done!
40:41I hope you lose your seat to the monster raving loonies.
40:52Mama!
40:53Hey, sweetheart.
40:55Hey, Tab.
40:56Did you have a good time?
40:57Yes, we really did.
40:58Hi.
40:59Hi.
40:59Mummy, this is Peggy.
41:00Yes.
41:01We've met before.
41:02She's a babysitter and she is brilliant.
41:04I'm taking her to meet Biscuit.
41:06Come on.
41:06Oh, Marcus, you're coming?
41:10Babysitter.
41:11Hm.
41:12She's Declan O'Hara's daughter.
41:15There was a woman here this morning with a film crew.
41:17Carinium.
41:19You speak to them?
41:20No, of course not.
41:20I told her to get the hell off in my driveway.
41:23You should know there's some people sniffing around.
41:25It's the election, probably.
41:29How is Venice?
41:31Oh, cultural heaven.
41:33You want to see the photos?
41:36No, thank you.
41:43Oh, he's lovely, isn't he?
41:45He'll say hello for a polo.
41:47Look.
41:48Do you want a polo biscuit?
41:52I think that's a yes.
41:53Here you go.
41:55Oh, biscuit!
41:57Oh.
41:57Say hello to Tangy.
42:04Your children are very beautiful.
42:07Not surprising, I suppose, with such a beautiful mother.
42:10Is it agony when you see her now?
42:12Oh, agony.
42:12She brought the fucking tits on you.
42:14I can't think how I stayed married to her for seven years.
42:17How many of these puts up with it?
42:18I don't know.
42:18Well, he's much older, isn't he?
42:19Yeah.
42:20When he talks about the war, he means the Crimean.
42:25Well...
42:26How did you meet him?
42:27He was my chef to keep.
42:29Oh, a chef, like me.
42:31No, um...
42:32Why?
42:33Chef as in box, French.
42:34He ran the British show topic team.
42:36Oh.
42:36I suppose he was my mentor, my Mr. Miyagi.
42:42Must have been hard to lose him to...
42:46The only thing that really irks me is that Millie's succeeded where I failed.
42:56I can't honestly say that I've ever made any woman happy.
43:01Not for very long.
43:09I'll babysit any time you like.
43:11I mean, I don't want to tread on Cameron's toes.
43:13Oh, God.
43:14I wish Cameron could handle the kids as well as you do.
43:18You're gonna make an incredible mother one day.
43:24I wish...
43:33You're lovely with them.
43:37I've seen a different side of you today.
43:57It's been a lovely day.
43:59One of those days you don't want the sun to go down.
44:05You know, by the time Helen left me, I could hardly better look at her.
44:10Nothing she had done.
44:13Just cause of the hurt I could see in her eyes.
44:24I must never do it again.
44:31I mean it, Tag. I mustn't. I won't break you too.
44:47I did it. I left him. I left Paul.
44:50Oh, Jesus. Um...
44:54I should go.
44:54Thanks for today. I'll call.
44:57I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go.
45:00I...
45:00I don't really have any friends.
45:14I love a cheese sandwich.
45:17Thanks, Shelley.
45:19Is that chutney?
45:21No, it's jam.
45:24We're back.
45:25Surprise.
45:26Hello, guys.
45:27You're not back till tomorrow?
45:28We raced home to tell you the news.
45:30You tell them.
45:31No, you.
45:32The BBC called me at the hotel in Ireland.
45:35They'd greenlit Yeats.
45:37That's amazing.
45:39Oh, thank Christ.
45:41So now I can cut the tags off my Ventura T-shirt?
45:43You can.
45:47But, oh, my God.
45:48They want it delivered in three months.
45:50We got an early flight back because there's so much to do.
45:53Let's get to work.
45:57Why was Taggy O'Hara here?
45:59Babysitting.
46:00I was worried when I found you with her in my pantry.
46:02She's far too young.
46:05What does age even mean?
46:08It's just a number.
46:09Yeah, it's just a number now.
46:11Imagine what it'd be like in a few years.
46:12He'd be like me and Paul.
46:13Oh, God.
46:14Sarah.
46:17Why are you here?
46:20Uncensored's going out tonight without me.
46:22BT's presenting it solo, and I think she's going to stitch me up.
46:27I think she knows something about me.
46:32And now everything's going to be ruined.
46:35She's going to crucify me live on national television.
46:39I think that's enough.
46:40Get off.
46:45They're trying to teach um...
46:498 p.m.
46:59They're trying to teach.
47:03They're trying to teach and teach.
47:04They will see.
47:06A crazy young one and young.
47:07They tired and dumb.
47:08They tired!
47:10They tired andasmine strawberry barbecue.
47:17Preparing to go live.
47:21Five, four, three, two, one.
47:27And cue Beattie.
47:30Good evening, and welcome to Uncensored, the naughtiest show on the network.
47:35The beady-eyed among you might have noticed I'm by myself this evening.
47:39Sarah's getting some rest.
47:40Due to the pregnancy announced this afternoon on Carinium.
47:43On tonight's very special edition, we uncover the scandal behind the polished facade of a national treasure.
47:48Here we go.
47:50Whatever she says about you, we'll work it out.
47:52Okay?
47:54Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
48:00You might want to fasten your seatbelts for this.
48:03It's going to be quite a ride.
48:40Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
48:47-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
48:50-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
48:51-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
48:51-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
48:51-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
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