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Watch Free Bert () free Season 1 Episode 6 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:06you
00:06You'll split my balls are literally on fire
00:08Oh first 48 are always the worst it'll be smooth sailing it. I hope so mr.
00:16Barclays is next week. Oh, please. He'll be yanking it non-stop by then from your lips to God's ears
00:36So mrs. Kreischer is it your assertion that you baked these cookies yourself using vegetable oil? Yes
00:43At least that's what the label said, but you're questioning the validity of that
00:47Well, it's the only plausible explanation for how peanut oil got into my cookies
00:52And do you have any way of proving that this mislabeling occurred? Do you have any way of proving?
01:00That it didn't
01:03All right team, let's grab some lunch
01:09Wow you were something in there. Yeah, okay good happy to help anyway
01:14I can't I just want to make this right. Oh, I so appreciate that. Yeah
01:19I mean welter did say it's a long shot though. Seriously. Yeah, he's kind of worried. It'll come across far
01:25-fetched
01:26Huh, I know that's for me, too
01:28And he mentioned something about how the jury might find the whole thing complete bullshit
01:33Does that make sense? I mean
01:36Yes, I know
01:37Look they say cases are won and lost in jury selection, so I think if we're smart about that
01:43Sure sure, but I think the concern he had there was that no one in the jury pool would be
01:48stupid enough to buy any of this crap
01:50I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. Why? That's disappointing
01:54Hmm. Well, I guess we took it as far as we could
01:57Hmm. There is one last thing Walter said we could do, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable
02:02You know what? I will do whatever it takes to help you win this thing
02:05Great. I'm so happy to hear you say that. I'll schedule the polygraph for tomorrow
02:11Polygraph?
02:16Maybe I could try to beat it. I could take a couple of Xanax, get my blood pressure down. Jesus,
02:22what am I saying?
02:23Oh, you put up a good fight, hon
02:25Sometimes it's best to know when to fold them
02:27Yeah
02:28It's easy to go win
02:29Yeah, it's tough to watch
02:32So the guys never figured out who leaked the surgery?
02:35Hmm? Landon didn't, he never got on your phone?
02:38Mm-mm
02:38He didn't even try to log in from a different device, nothing?
02:40No, they're not tech savvy, I guess
02:43Doesn't Randy own a software company?
02:45Oh, I think it went under
02:46Probably because he fucking sucked at it
02:48And Kirsten?
02:49What are you writing a fucking book? I haven't heard from her
02:52Well, just goes to show you
02:53Blackmail doesn't work, you know
02:56As long as you're willing to stand strong
02:58Some semblance of a sponge
03:00Yeah
03:11Dad, get your ass in here!
03:14What is it?
03:15Oh, fuck me!
03:16What is it?
03:17What's happening?
03:18It fucking tore!
03:19They're gonna fall out
03:20They're gonna fall
03:20I'm telling you, they're gonna fall out
03:22What?
03:22They're gonna be on the fucking ground
03:24Ground, ground, ground
03:25I did not expect this to happen at all
03:27I have a lot of people to thank, so let's get through it
03:29First, let me say thank you to the student body
03:31Who clearly have excellent taste
03:33Uh, now, it's the people who come
03:37Hi
03:40What do you think?
03:41My sparkles material?
03:44They should be so lucky
03:47Thank you
03:48I have to admit though, it does feel really weird
03:50To like, fit in after being an outcast for so long
03:55Yeah, exciting times
03:58But in the off chance that tonight
04:00Your name isn't the one that's announced as a winner
04:03I just want you to know
04:04I'm proud of you
04:07Thanks
04:08But winning would be cool
04:09Yeah
04:10You know, a lot of people say runner-up
04:11Is sometimes as good if not better than winning
04:15Really? People say that?
04:16Of course winning's important
04:17But there's so much to learn when you lose
04:19Yeah, that's true
04:20But I still rather win, so
04:22You know who won?
04:23John F. Kennedy
04:24They shot him
04:25You know what they say
04:27Heavy is the crown
04:28I've never heard that
04:29I don't think
04:30Either way
04:31It's kinda nice to know your name was in the conversation, right?
04:33I don't really give a fuck about the conversation
04:35Yeah
04:36Well, it's out of our hands
04:37Well, thank you, Dad
04:38It's out of our hands
04:39Yeah
04:39Alright
04:40Uh, Dad?
04:41Yeah?
04:42One more thing
04:43I just wanna say thank you
04:44Hmm?
04:45For everything
04:46Um
04:47I have to admit
04:48I doubted you
04:49Like, every step of the way
04:51But
04:52You really came through
04:53So, thank you
04:56Yeah, you're welcome
04:59Love you
05:00Yeah, I love you too
05:08Go straight down the hall
05:09Have a great night
05:10Ah, the Chrysers!
05:12Hey!
05:13Hey!
05:13Well, don't you look nice
05:15Thank you, Miss Rossmire
05:16It was quite the process that took all hands on deck
05:18Okay
05:19Hey, go somewhere
05:20Just go
05:21Georgia, you can check in down the hall
05:22Perfect, thank you
05:23We are so proud of you
05:25You got this
05:26Thank you, guys
05:27Go get them
05:30You're not nervous, are you?
05:32No
05:34I imagine you've played a room this size before
05:36Yeah, I have
05:38Usually they're a little more wasted, but
05:40You know
05:41Right
05:42And you had your stick to fall back on
05:44Hey, yeah
05:46Yeah
05:48Alright, I gotta go
05:49Okay
05:50Break a leg, I love you
05:51Alright, awesome
05:52You can
05:54Hey, can I ask you about the funding for the new gym coming
05:59Oh my god, what a huge win
06:01And it wouldn't have been possible without your husband
06:03His vote put it over the top
06:05His vote, yeah
06:07He has been such a great addition to the Barclays community
06:11I gotta say, he's really surprised me
06:16Yeah, you and me both
06:20Mrs. Chrysher
06:23You have a minute
06:33You have an opening joke?
06:36Besides yourself?
06:41Yeah, Kirsten
06:42As a matter of fact, I do
06:44Great
06:46Well, I just wanted to check in
06:47Make sure you're feeling okay with the new arrangement
06:50I'm really happy with it
06:52It feels like a nice tweak on what we originally set up, right?
06:56Yeah, it's so much better
06:59And my dad just had way more leverage
07:01You don't do what he wants
07:03Your whole world crumbles
07:05It's just clean
07:07You know, you don't have to do this
07:11Is this really the way you want to win?
07:14Where does this need for popularity come from, Kirsten?
07:18Are you trying to fill some sort of a void?
07:21Hey, kiddo
07:23I'm here
07:25And I'm listening
07:28Yeah, that bullshit doesn't work on me
07:29Okay, got it
07:31Okay
07:32Well, I'll let you do your thing
07:34I imagine you have some
07:37Button reinforcement to tend to
07:50I'm a little concerned about Bert
07:53Have you noticed any unusual behavior?
07:56Yeah
07:57You could say that
07:58Well, I feel I'm partially at fault
08:01Maybe we overcorrected a bit
08:04You think?
08:05Worried he's running with the wrong crowd
08:07And he's in too deep
08:10Acceptance is like a drug, Leanne
08:12And they've got Bert hooked on it
08:15Wait, now you're scaring me
08:17Well, you might want to buckle up for the next part
08:21Have you ever heard the name
08:23Jean Magnuson?
08:41Super fucking orgy impact you
08:42But you have to get higher your fucking stuff
08:44It's not that big a deal
08:46It's not that big a deal
08:46The kids in a fucking wheelchair because of you
08:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
08:49That wasn't me, that was Ezekiel
08:51Hey, what the fuck is going on here?
08:53We have a leak
08:54Yeah, we've discussed that, Glenn
08:55No, no, no, a different kind of leak, Bert
08:57Zachy's new sac ruptured
08:58So now he's got spermatic fluid oozing out everywhere
09:01All cause this fucking cocksucker fucked up
09:04Relax
09:04You better pray to fucking God
09:06This doesn't ruin his chances tonight
09:08I will fucking end you, Leanne
09:10I will fucking end you, Leanne
09:11Do something, Glenn
09:13Fuck!
09:14Well, you heard him
09:16This is on me now?
09:17On top of all your stuff?
09:24So, this guy was like a friend of theirs?
09:27They were inseparable
09:30Until they weren't
09:31What happened?
09:34Gene got spooked
09:37Wanted out
09:38Only problem was
09:41He knew too much
09:44So they killed him?
09:45What?
09:46No
09:46Oh
09:48Well, the way that you said it totally made it seem like
09:51They ruined him
09:53Found a pressure point
09:56And squeezed
09:57Till he couldn't take it anymore
09:59His whole life imploded
10:03He lost everything
10:06His wife
10:08Kids
10:10That's awful
10:12You're not suggesting this could happen to Bert
10:15Are you?
10:16I'm sure I'm just being paranoid
10:19It's not like they have something they can use against him
10:23Right
10:23We're probably fine
10:24I forgot we had this talk
10:29Yeah, I forgot
10:34Ladies and gentlemen, your headmaster, Miriam Rossmeyer
10:45Good evening, and welcome to the eighth grade Mr. and Ms. Barclay's coronation
10:53Our school's most prestigious honor
10:56It represents the values we hold so dearly
10:59Honesty, integrity, compassion
11:03Past title holders include
11:05Academy Award winner, Colin Firth
11:08Entrepreneur and influencer, Amelia Gray Hamlin
11:11And
11:11Dance Moms champion, Jojo Siwa
11:17Now, before I bring out our MC for the evening
11:21I'd like to thank all of our generous donors
11:23The Davenports
11:26$750,000
11:28Hey
11:29You good?
11:30Yeah, I'm fine
11:31Why?
11:32I don't know, you don't
11:34Seem like yourself
11:36Is there anything that you want to tell me?
11:40No
11:42Nothing I can think of
11:43No, nothing
11:44Not even that you lied about voting to defund the LD Department
11:47The entire reason that we came to this school, what the fuck hurt?
11:51I didn't know, they tricked me
11:53And hey, I'm gonna fix it
11:54We just gotta stay in these guys good graces
11:56I'll keep my board seat and it's all gonna be fine
11:58At what cost?
11:59Whatever the fuck it takes, Leanne
12:00Okay, we're so close to sticking the landing
12:02We can't throw it away now
12:06They found out it was you who told Kirsten, didn't they?
12:09And now they're using it against you, but for what?
12:15No
12:17Tell me that you're not actually thinking of
12:19It's Ms. Barklage, not a fucking Senate seat, okay?
12:22And trust me, George will get over it so much quicker than it'll take for us to start over
12:26Remember, hey, we're doing this for our girls
12:29Are you sure about that?
12:31This man would be receiving it
12:32Without further ado, Bert Kreischer!
12:50Thank you, Miriam
12:52Wow!
12:53Colin Firth and JoJo Siwa
12:55Now that's a sex tape I'd pay for
12:58No?
12:58Nothing?
13:00Alright, we got a lot of kids in the room, so I figured I'd start off with a fun joke
13:04What did Mr. T say after he pushed 50 Cent in the pool?
13:09A fitting a pool
13:12If you want to date Zack, you should date Zack
13:15And he is physically able to receive said handjob
13:18A lot of parents who have a no-blanky policy
13:20Not us, not us, not us
13:22Alright, let's announce Mr. Barklage, huh?
13:26Miriam, the envelope, please
13:31Thank you
13:32Thank you
13:34This year's Mr. Barklage crown goes to
13:39Zack Hotchkiss
13:41Yeah!
13:42Woo!
13:48Zack, wheel yourself up here, buddy
13:59And now, for Ms. Barklage
14:04Miriam, the envelope, please
14:09Thank you very much, Miriam
14:33This is a big moment
14:36Someone's life is about to change
14:37The ultimate honor
14:40Acceptance
14:41By your peers
14:42It's what we all want
14:44I know I did
14:46And I got it
14:48I went from being a pariah
14:51To on the board
14:52In just a matter of weeks
14:53And all I had to do
14:56Was change every single thing about me
15:01And compromise
15:03Every value
15:04I've ever had
15:09I turned into someone
15:10I didn't even recognize
15:12Just for a seat at the table
15:16And tonight
15:18I'm supposed to open this envelope
15:19And say someone's name
15:21No matter what the card says
15:23Cause that's the deal I made
15:24With Landon Vanderthal
15:27I got manipulated
15:29Brilliant tactic, actually
15:31He blackmailed me
15:32While he was getting his dick sucked
15:33To the strip club
15:35He threw me off my game
15:37Dill
15:37Dill
15:38Carl, Sanjay, need you in the auditorium
15:41ASAP
15:41All because
15:41I was afraid to tell my daughter the truth
15:45I was using my world-class pedophile powers
15:47To seduce her boyfriend
15:50Sweetie, Zach was using you to get to me
15:53I only have myself to blame
15:56I cut off my own balls
15:59But I realize now
16:01You can't take your balls for granted
16:03Can you, Zach?
16:05So tonight
16:07I'm reclaiming mine
16:12Listen up, fuckers
16:14I'm done giving the fuck
16:16And unlike a lot of the lips, tits and asses in this room
16:19I'm done being fake as fuck
16:21Carl, do you copy?
16:22I'm done fucking wearing this shit
16:25I've been tucking my shirt in for two months
16:28It's so uncomfortable
16:30What the fuck are you people doing?
16:32I'm done changing in my car
16:34I'm done carrying a goddamn garment bag
16:37I'm done showering at a country club with uncircumcised men
16:41I'm done saunaing with uncircumcised men
16:44I'm done with uncircumcised men
16:46I'm done sitting back
16:48While a bunch of pussy pics from women in this room
16:50Get passed around and analyzed
16:52Ladies, if your gynecologist is Dr. Shestak
16:55I get a new gynecologist
16:59And I will not sit silently
17:02While votes are bought
17:04On the board by the parents with the deepest pockets
17:07Guys, a new gymnasium
17:09Our kids are white, they're not going pro
17:11We need to keep the LD department
17:14And I know that
17:14Because my vote was bought
17:17And they said, ask no questions
17:18Carl, Sanjay, where the fuck are you guys?
17:20Well, I'm going to start asking some fucking questions
17:23Like, what the fuck are we teaching our kids?
17:26That if you put on a uniform, and you conform
17:28Lose your uniqueness, lose your originality
17:31Dull down your sparkle
17:33That that's the Barclay's way
17:35For the simple price tag of $47,000
17:38And every ounce of your dignity
17:40Well, fuck that
17:41So here's what I'm going to do
17:43I'm going to open this fucking envelope
17:46And read whatever goddamn name is on this fucking card
17:49Because I am my own man
17:52I will not be bought
17:53I'm a fucking lone wolf
17:55Who sits on top of the mountain
17:56Paws crossed, howling at the moon
17:58And I don't care who I piss off
18:00Ladies and gentlemen, who's ready for Miss Barclay?
18:09This year's Mrs. fucking Barclay Jazz
18:16Kirsten Vanderthal
18:17Oh my god!
18:29Wow, wow, thank you!
18:31Thank you so much, I was so mad at you
18:33I'm not expecting this
18:33I have so many people to thank
18:36Um, congratulations to you
18:38That's the man that I'm married
18:41That wasn't funny, was it?
18:43Oh, not really
18:43The big man's back, guys
18:45I am back, I was so fucking lost
18:47Yeah, you definitely were
18:49Hey, I am so sorry, you must be disappointed
18:53About me losing Miss Barclay, or you setting me up with Zach because you knew I couldn't give him a
18:58handjob
18:59Wait, when did you figure that out?
19:01You almost pulled it off
19:03So fucking close
19:04Hey, I'm sorry
19:06I messed up
19:07So big
19:08It's when you walked on campus that first day and no one talked to you, it broke my heart
19:12And I just thought
19:13I wanted to make her popular and from that moment on everything's been spiraling out of control
19:17I hope you ever forgive me
19:19But I don't want it that way
19:21Oh, fucking integrity on this kid
19:24Whose child is this?
19:25I have no idea
19:26Guys, I wasn't even going to give him a handjob
19:29Wait, when are we going to give him a handjob?
19:31No, I don't even know what that is
19:33Oh fuck, I wish I knew that earlier
19:34Yeah, me too
19:36At least you know your dad's heart was in the right place
19:40Even though his brain was nowhere to be found
19:43Oh
19:45I love you guys
19:46Come on
19:47Come on
19:48And in the immortal words of former Miss Barklage, Julianne Margulies
19:53You are loved
19:55You are worth it
19:57And I will always fight with you
20:01Thank you
20:06All right guys, ready?
20:07Handjobs on three
20:08One
20:09Two
20:10Three
20:12Handjobs
20:13Bert
20:14Oh shit
20:16I thought we were friends
20:17Oh, come on
20:18No you didn't
20:19You know this isn't over
20:21Once I repair my marriage and my standing at the school and do whatever community service I might be facing
20:28I will come for you
20:29Nothing I haven't seen before
20:31Well, I just need to use my voice to express how absolutely vile that was
20:35No one gives a fuck about your stupid voice
20:37Does that make sense?
20:39Hey, Leanne baked those cookies
20:42I saw Leanne bake those cookies
20:43And I'll testify in a court of law that Leanne baked those cookies
20:47Me too
20:49Me too
20:53Wait, what are we doing?
20:54We're perjuring ourselves, don't worry about it
20:56What is perjuring?
20:56Oh, this is awkward
20:57Hey Zach
20:59I'm sorry
21:00But I led you on
21:02Yeah
21:02I think you misread the situation
21:05It was just being nice to you so I could hang out with your daughter
21:09I actually really like her
21:10You do?
21:10You do?
21:14Georgia
21:15Hit me up
21:16I'll be out of this chair in a couple weeks
21:18And I'll be good to go
21:24Well, well, well
21:26Oh, here we go, it's getting worse
21:28The leopard always shows his spots, huh?
21:32There will be consequences for this
21:33I assume that
21:34In the meantime, Carl and Sanjay will make sure you get to your car
21:39Sanjay, you put those zip ties on me and it'll be the last thing you do on this planet
21:43Yep
21:45Alright, I'll see you guys later, I love you
21:47We love you
21:56Hey, Bert!
22:07Yeah, Bert
22:08Yeah, here we go
22:11Yeah, Bert
22:12Yeah?
22:25Yeah, Bert
22:28Yeah, Bert
22:29Yeah, Bert
22:35Why aren't you so cool?
22:39All right, let's go, Bucky.
22:42Come on, Bucky!
22:44We love you, Bucky!
22:45I fucking love you!
22:47We fucking love you!
22:50I fucking love you!
22:52I fucking love you!
22:52You're Bucky!
22:57Burt, Gene Magnuson, call me.
23:01We have a lot to discuss.
23:18That would be a good part!
23:19And start having a nice beautiful book...
23:20Better full tape.
23:22All right, boys.
23:34Have a good time for some fun!
23:35Wait!
23:35You are纏 somewhere.
23:36Find Ulする!
23:37You need to stayorno lovingly!
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