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00:26Oh, it's got me.
00:46Oh, hello.
00:47They didn't say that you were, uh...
00:49Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:51None of my forms.
00:52Catholic?
00:53Yeah.
00:55Gotta say, I haven't been to Confession in close to ten years now.
00:59Sadly, you're turning me down.
01:01Unless you can fix my car, that is.
01:28Anna?
01:31Anna?
01:32Anna?
01:32We've a visitor needs feeding.
01:34What's going?
01:48What's going on?
02:00It's amazing!
02:04I'd like to bring a few girls from my choir for a visit.
02:07How old are you?
02:0814 to 17, mostly still in education.
02:11Devoted?
02:13Some are finding the path.
02:14Any dependents?
02:16I'm sorry?
02:17Sister, good.
02:19Father Hicks has travelled a long way.
02:23Only an hour and a half.
02:24I was late because my car decided to explode when it was halfway here.
02:28Oh, how dramatic.
02:29Yeah, I had a burst, something.
02:32Which means a longer bus ride home.
02:34You need to eat?
02:35No, it's not a problem.
02:36I can just get a snack from the shop on the way.
02:38Sister Anna can do better than a scotch egg from a newsagent.
02:42She sets the bar so high.
02:43Since she took over the kitchen, all of us have put on weight.
02:46Something simple?
02:48Uh, yeah, yeah, thank you.
02:49But don't put yourself out.
02:50Scrambled eggs? Some bread?
02:52Maybe sure. Thank you.
02:54That's two thank yous, which is one too many.
02:57Good.
02:58Yes, no dependents.
02:59If the girls have children...
03:00In for a visit.
03:02The visit is to see whether they might fit, no?
03:06We are not here to be watched.
03:08We are here to be joined.
03:10No one with children.
03:11Or romantic entanglements.
03:13You want me to give them a quiz?
03:15Is that too hard a question to answer?
03:19Um...
03:19Then let us agree a date.
03:21I'll fetch our diary.
03:25You're new to the kitchen.
03:27Uh, no, it's been 11 years, I think.
03:32Time passes slowly here.
03:35Been outside?
03:36Uh, yes, yes, bulbing for the new season.
03:39What are you growing?
03:40Children.
03:42Tiny, tiny little children in the middle of the flowers, which we pluck in May, we dry them through the
03:47summer, and then we eat them in September.
03:53Uh, kale, lettuce, spinach, garlic.
03:57My cabbages are legendary.
03:59I don't like cabbage.
04:01Well, then I judge you for that.
04:0611 years.
04:08It's been a long while.
04:09It's been over 20 since I took my vows.
04:13And you?
04:14Where are you?
04:16Uh, Bristol.
04:17Easton.
04:18What do you grow in Easton?
04:20Huh.
04:22Um, currently expending a lot of energy trying to get a needle exchange opened.
04:27Oh, uh, a basketball hoop in a local park.
04:30They sound like good things to be doing.
04:33Frustrating.
04:34And I'm trying to convince people to run a harvest festival out of the church.
04:45I can't know whether the girls are in relationships.
04:50It would be inappropriate to ask.
04:53And I can't be involved in any duplicity against the abbess.
04:58You'll find a way.
04:59I'm thrilled to see how...
05:00You should have talked to her about this.
05:02I'm sorry if I'm being...
05:03It's the rules she set.
05:04It's my job.
05:05To protect all of them.
05:06It'll mean we can't come.
05:08Well, then don't come.
05:11Ow.
05:13Ow.
05:14Cold water.
05:23You won't call too badly.
05:27Oh.
05:29Sorry.
05:32No, no.
05:34I, uh...
05:37I should say thank you.
05:41I'm sorry if I, um, if that was the wrong thing to do.
05:47Sorry.
05:48No.
05:51And that's, uh, well, that's two thank yous, which is one too many.
06:02Uh, no, let me do that.
06:03No.
06:04No, no, no.
06:04Just sit down.
06:05Let me...
06:05No, no, please.
06:06No, just tell me why...
06:18This looks beautiful.
06:22Just some eggs.
06:23Huh.
06:24Ah, bless us, O Lord.
06:27Uh, and these you'll get for these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty
06:32and from the gracious work of your servant, Sister Anna, through Christ our Lord.
06:38Amen.
06:39Amen.
06:45I-I don't like the word servant.
06:49I don't like it either.
06:55There's been an accident.
07:08I-I don't like it.
07:32I-I don't like it.
07:53Morning, Sister.
07:55May the Lord bless this day.
07:58Yes.
07:59and if he could arrange for it not to rain
08:01so the polytunnel doesn't get swamped again
08:03I'd really appreciate it.
08:26Molly, tell Mum Uncle David's in the bathroom.
08:29What am I not allowed?
08:30Mum put in a rota.
08:31I didn't see a rota.
08:32Jesus.
08:33That'd be a tins.
08:35I asked you to please.
08:37No, it's not hard to just switch it off.
08:39I can't even hear what she's saying.
08:41I'm having a text.
08:42I'm having a pause.
08:44No, I asked you.
08:47It's not hard to just switch it off.
08:49I know, but I don't want to be able to do this.
08:52Sorry.
08:53Jesus.
08:55Jesus.
08:55Jesus.
08:56Jesus.
09:00Jesus.
09:00Jesus.
09:03Oh, these are lovely.
09:05You are lovely Graham.
09:06These are vegetables.
09:09Morning.
09:10Morning.
09:10They put up the price of dahlias again.
09:14You bastards think we're a soft touch.
09:16You almost dry.
09:17Oh, you know I don't like hosts.
09:20Father Christie agreed with me as a considerably more oral thrush around than they used to
09:26be.
09:29Hey, do you think it's okay for the abbess of the trip to ask that I only bring girls who
09:36aren't in relationships?
09:38Yes.
09:39You do.
09:41Not small-minded to me.
09:44I am small-minded both by profession and inclination.
09:50How's your mother?
09:51Smiling on.
09:53Oh.
09:54Tina's back.
09:56Is she?
09:57She's with her dad.
10:02In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
10:07Amen.
10:08Amen.
10:08The Lord be with you.
10:10And with us with you.
10:13Lord, we have sinned against you.
10:16Lord, have mercy.
10:18Lord, have mercy.
10:19Show us your mercy and your love.
10:23And grant us your salvation.
10:27May almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins, and bring us into everlasting life.
10:34Amen.
10:35Amen.
10:36Amen.
10:37Shall we start with a hymn?
10:49Bless me, Father, because I have sinned.
10:51It's been 24 hours since my last confession.
10:54I remember.
10:56During which I have committed three acts of blasphemy and two of self-abasement.
11:05I mean masturbation, Father.
11:09Of course you do.
11:11I don't mean to hurt people, but I do.
11:19I think you've been very hard on yourself.
11:20I am vile.
11:25You're not.
11:28You're not.
11:46Are you going to invite me in or are you going to leave a lady on the doorstep?
11:49Oh, you're a deaf one.
11:52Do you wish to say anything?
11:56No.
11:58Do you need absolution?
12:01Yes.
12:09How was it?
12:11Well, half the kids look as if they've got malnutrition and half the adults jaundice.
12:16The rest just seem depressed.
12:17We'll pray for them.
12:19And help as best we can.
12:22Has the school group arrived?
12:23Yeah.
12:24Important, I'm told, by the prioress for them to see us for the recruitment push.
12:29It does make one feel one is in a zoo, rather.
12:33Time for whiskey.
12:34I got sent a rather fine malt by the bishop.
12:37Am I chasing away some of the feelings of the day?
12:38He shouldn't encourage you.
12:40It's because he wants you to make him some whiskey mermaid.
12:44Well, I can try.
12:45I told him you're not a takeaway.
12:46He'll take what he's given.
12:48Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
12:50It's been three weeks since my last confession.
12:53How have you been?
12:56I'm okay.
13:01You know, I'm supposed to pretend I never know who's on the other side of this.
13:07I took a trip to the convent, the Womack.
13:11I'm going to take some members of the girls' choir.
13:13And I'd like to ask your mum if you'd like to join it.
13:17The trip.
13:18Thanks.
13:19Is it still what you want?
13:21With...
13:22Yeah.
13:24Yeah.
13:28Then...
13:29Maybe I'll come around the house.
13:32Talk to her.
13:36He's out most evenings.
13:39At the restaurant.
13:52Hi, Biancas.
13:53Father Hicks.
13:54Um, I'd hoped to talk to you about Tina.
13:56She said tonight might be a good night to come over.
14:17Tina!
14:18Tina!
14:20I'll go on what you got.
14:22Do you need help?
14:23There are things I can do to...
14:24You can leave if you're going to be trying that.
14:26Tina!
14:27Coming!
14:30Um...
14:32How do you feel about Tina making the decision to lead a consecrated life?
14:36I think she's a kid who doesn't know which way's up.
14:44Uh, did you grow up a Catholic, Bianca?
14:47Why's he asking all the questions to me?
14:50You're the adult.
14:51He wants to check you're okay.
14:54Is there who wants to hide in a convent for a life?
14:57Uh...
14:57I don't think it's hiding.
14:59But I do understand why commitment, faith, feels a strange thing in this world.
15:06There's a amount of people that ask me things like,
15:07do you have to wear it all the time?
15:09Do you never have sex?
15:11He's trying to shock us now?
15:13The priest talking about sex.
15:15And I do think celibacy is an important part of Tina's commitments, but it's not the most important part.
15:21Marx is always quoted as saying, religion is the opium of the masses.
15:25What he actually said was, religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and
15:32the soul of soulless conditions.
15:34It is the opium of the people.
15:37I don't go to church. Can't stand the dither of it all.
15:40Dither?
15:42Well, it seems to me the Bible says do good, then we'll do it.
15:45Stop dithering about with incense and myrrh.
15:47Mum.
15:49I think you're right about the dither.
15:52But, I think what Marx was saying is that the church, by venerating virtue, does something quite important.
15:58And, I think right now, society needs to approach you.
16:03Look, she says she wanted it. She goes.
16:06Good.
16:08Then, I'd like to take you, Tina, with a few other girls to visit. Why am I?
16:13I think that by visiting there, she'll get much better sense of her if that's what she needs.
16:23Um, should I talk to Phil?
16:27No.
16:29Well, that's everything, Father Hicks.
16:47Sister, it's your postulant. She was found with a phone.
16:50A phone?
16:51She's been keeping it hidden.
17:11It's not easy when we lose track of ourselves to find our way back.
17:18Can I ask, why did you feel you needed your phone?
17:23Well, I don't know.
17:27No, my parents were horrified.
17:30And I said I wanted to be a nun.
17:33My mum said I was throwing myself away.
17:37She thought it was over some bore hill.
17:40Was there a boy?
17:41No.
17:46No.
17:47You?
17:48Not a boy.
17:53It's my friend Susie.
18:00Is that okay?
18:02With me?
18:03Me?
18:03Yes.
18:05With God?
18:08I would hope so.
18:11With you?
18:13No.
18:17Do you want to stay?
18:22Do you want me to stay?
18:28Oh, Empe.
18:30If there is one choice that has to be yours, it is this.
18:38Do you ever doubt your choice?
18:44Faith is dependent on doubt.
18:49Without doubt, there is no faith.
19:25With me that's right.
19:39Don't you want me to stay for now?
19:40You don't want me to stay for now.
19:42I don't want to stay for now.
19:43With me!
19:56she seems much better this morning good
20:01so i've prayed upon it and decided i have no choice but to ask her to leave
20:07no you can't when someone is a postulant she's been with us for over a year
20:14when someone is a postulant they are here to be judged by us and by themselves as to whether
20:19they can find the patience and love to belong it's one mistake a crucial one i devote myself
20:26to god in every way i isolate myself and give myself to prayer but i do want to keep checking
20:31social media for what my friends are up to may i speak i have been guiding her and i i
20:38don't
20:38think you understand she is a genuine kind good my role in this convent is to make the decisions
20:44others won't it's to lead your role is not to abandon the poor girl francesca no no you do
20:50not use that name my name in anger it is not a weapon no i apologize abbess
21:06our commitment cannot be predicated on a lie she vowed to put away everything from her other
21:11life she couldn't she lied to her sisters and to god she made a vow and she broke it she
21:19was weak yes but these young people they are growing up in in an unforgiving world perhaps
21:26our commitment might take them a little bit longer to learn please please give her a chance
21:48she remains a postulant for at least another year she has to prove herself all over again yes
21:55yes thank you she's lucky to have you
22:00okay
22:03there will be a time when i am ready to take quieter duties here
22:09i believe you are the right person to succeed me
22:13but if you do you may discover that these decisions are harder than they might appear
22:28mr wonderful deanery meeting last night falling congregations since covid how to get people back
22:34believing anyone suggest another covid i can beg before the incoming flood don't forget the accounts
22:43need your sign off the bishop needs to know precisely what we've got to set terms for the underfloor heating
22:49brigades could you run this morning for me sorry i will realize i've got some pressing christmas
22:55let's get the complete mess this morning for me
22:57mm-hmm
23:16let me father for i have sinned it's been four days since my last confession
23:24i've been angry with others impatient
23:28i shouted at the abbess i i was cruel to sister justine when when she needed support
23:38and i have been having immoral thoughts
23:45lost
23:53lost
23:54you have to say something to that father clary you can't leave me on my own with that one
23:59go on
24:02go on
24:04go on
24:05go on
24:06what does that mean
24:09it means go on
24:16go on
24:17go on
24:20go on
24:22go on
24:22go on
24:22go on
24:22go on
24:24go on
24:24go on
24:25go on
24:25go on
24:25go on
24:25go on
24:25go on
24:28go on
24:30go on
24:40go on
24:43And that's all I can say, really.
24:46I am ashamed.
24:48And I'm confused, confused, mainly.
24:57Three Hail Marys.
25:03Yes, Father.
25:06And be careful.
25:14God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son,
25:18has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of our sins.
25:24Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
25:28and I absolve you from your sins.
25:30In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
25:45Amen.
25:45Amen.
25:51Amen.
25:56Amen.
26:00Amen.
26:00Amen.
26:02Amen.
26:02Amen.
26:03Amen.
26:03Amen.
26:05Amen.
26:07Amen.
26:28Hello.
26:30This is a surprise.
26:33I just thought I'd come back to talk to the abbess.
26:37Felt like I'd left a few of her concerns on the table.
26:41Right.
26:43I was hoping for more beautiful eggs, of course.
26:46I knew you were the pushy sort.
26:49Let me see your cabbages.
26:52Only if you get me really drunk.
27:00Are you that nervous of me?
27:01How best that you'd look around a boring garden to avoid it?
27:04Boring garden? Doubt is that.
27:07No.
27:09But why are you here?
27:16Can I tell you about a girl I'd like to bring you here?
27:18You can tell me about anything you like, but I am no use with the abbess.
27:25The girl's mother is being hit by the father. I think it's possible the girl's been hit too.
27:33I raise it with social services. I raise it with the diocese safeguarding unit.
27:37But they both do something, but nothing ever happens.
27:43Sorry, you're not interested in-
27:46What is it you're doubting?
27:48Sorry?
27:49Your ability to deal with it, her response to it, or what else it is that you should be doing
27:53to help it.
27:55You're remarkably frank.
28:03Why are you looking at me like that?
28:06I just wish I had your conviction.
28:09You have certainty. I mean, it's a good thing.
28:12I haven't been certain about anything since 2001.
28:16What happened then?
28:19I became a nun.
28:24Well...
28:26Here are my cabbages.
28:30They're beautiful.
28:31You like that word.
28:33Although these might actually be beautiful.
28:36How do you keep the slugs away?
28:37They're kind of neat.
28:39They don't like eggshells.
28:42It cuts them up.
28:42Aha.
28:46Helping the girl.
28:47And your needle exchange is no hoops.
28:50It's impressive.
28:52I don't feel impressive.
28:53And here was I, thinking you were trying to impress me.
29:01I, um...
29:02I struggle.
29:03I fail.
29:05I intervene when I shouldn't.
29:07I-
29:07You're a click of the fingers, Christian.
29:10I'm sorry?
29:11You want everything sold in a click of the fingers, and if it isn't, then it costs you.
29:16You have a brutal way of describing things.
29:19Well, I'm sure you're right.
29:21No.
29:21No, I admire click of the fingers, Christians.
29:25They see a problem, and they try to solve it.
29:29I'm about as far from a click of the fingers, Christian, as you can get.
29:33But you followed your conviction?
29:36To live a consecrated life?
29:40Yes.
29:41Well, this has become my home, for better or worse.
29:48Make it sound like you're not happy here.
29:53It's a good thing, what you're doing.
29:57And, I'm sorry, conviction is another word I don't like.
30:02I'll fetch the abbess.
30:04You know, you asked us to make an appointment before coming here.
30:08We are enclosed.
30:11I can find the abbess, please.
30:12Get on with your disease, I...
30:17I should have disturbed you.
30:19I'm sorry.
30:19I'm sorry.
30:26.
30:27.
30:56Satsang with Mooji
31:18Satsang with Mooji
31:48Satsang with Mooji
31:57...to be cruel before.
32:00Er, no, you weren't.
32:02Brutal.
32:03Cruel.
32:06I didn't mean... when I used that word, I didn't mean...
32:08Yes, I just thought...
32:11Thank you for sharing your struggles with me.
32:16I didn't mean to be dismissal.
32:17Sister, you've done nothing wrong.
32:22Anna.
32:23Call me Anna.
32:25David.
32:31The girl whose mother's being hurt.
32:37Maybe, maybe she could find peace here, but here is not the only peace.
32:44Particularly if she's leaving her mother behind.
32:46We are not a refuge.
32:48It doesn't work if we're a refuge.
32:52And we can't save her for you.
32:55No.
32:59We've devoted... we devote ourselves to something better.
33:04And I think the question we all have to ask ourselves, David, is...
33:10Is if we've done something right.
33:13If we've listened to our hearts and we've done something right.
33:21You should've been a preacher.
33:25You're laughing at me.
33:29I don't think I ever want to laugh at you.
33:32I know.
33:38I, um...
33:41Must get to church.
33:44Bye.
33:49Bye.
34:25You
34:26Morning do you mind if you stay away from my daughter it all to sorcery for guidance
34:30I will just stay the fuck away. Yeah, big mom
34:35A bit early in the morning for a drink, isn't it, Phil?
34:41Stealing kids off the poor, is that what you do?
34:44Just take them, stick them in a fucking castle and throw away the key
34:51Look, why don't we go inside and talk about this properly
34:55I do recognize your teen is a spiritual lad too, so
35:05Do not tell me, or my daughter, or my fucking wife, what's right
35:13Melon, little fuck
35:28Oh, I'm sorry, sister
35:31I was just going to wake you
35:33And then I caught sight of this fawn
35:37Well, I'm sure you want them chased away before they eat your vegetables
35:41No, my garden's well protected
35:43We had a deer that used to come right up to the windows
35:48Must be 40, no, 60 years ago
35:51Would you feed it?
35:53Well, that one's tried to stroke its nose
35:56It didn't like that
36:00I was scared it wouldn't come back
36:02But it did
36:05And then it didn't
36:09I always worried
36:10Perhaps someone took advantage of its innocence and killed it
36:16I did miss it
36:20Have you really been here for 60 years, Polly?
36:2474
36:25I came when I was 16
36:28A wonderful life
36:33I'm pleased you've stood in defence of Bimpe
36:37I think she has what it takes
36:39I really do
37:05No
37:06I didn't
37:07Hey, everyone
37:08Youræ»
37:08Are u
37:12Still
37:17This
37:23You
37:24You
37:24You
37:25You
37:26You
39:52Good day.
39:55I'd like to speak to Father Hicks, please.
39:59I believe he's at home.
40:02Can I help?
40:03No.
40:11Then I will call him on the phone.
40:40Hello?
40:47Where is she?
40:52No, no, no, I'll come straight there.
40:59Sister?
41:03I'm sorry, uh, Anna.
41:06You asked for me.
41:09What's happened to your face?
41:11Oh, I, um, I've gone into a fight with a slippery cobblestone.
41:19What are you...
41:22Can we go somewhere?
41:24A little less quiet.
41:38I always promised myself that I would see the problems in front of me clearly.
41:45I always promised myself...
41:46Do you, uh, do you, uh, do you not want to sit down?
41:48Uh, no, no.
41:49Um, uh, I, I always promised myself that I would be honest, that I could be honest about how I
41:57feel.
41:58And I see you, and I'm, I'm cruel to you.
42:04You aren't cruel.
42:06And I, I think it's important to understand why, when, when you came to visit, why I, I was casual
42:14with you.
42:17Um, and, I think it's important to say, and, well, to act, on, when, when you touched my hand.
42:33Uh, and I, I believe I should listen to my inner truth.
42:40And I, I believe, I believe that I have never felt the way that you make me feel.
43:04Does the convent know you're here?
43:09Uh, well, it probably worked it out by now.
43:19And, you intend to...
43:23Yes.
43:26Why?
43:30Simply because I touched your hand.
43:34Because you felt feelings for me.
43:38I'm sorry.
43:40Well, there was nothing simple about it.
43:44I, uh, I thought you felt the same, same sort of feelings.
43:51Yes.
44:02I'm so sorry.
44:04I'm sorry.
44:10But, but you came back.
44:13You, you came back to the world, actually.
44:15I'm so sorry if I presented, if, um, I made you feel, think.
44:25I can, um, there, uh, there's someone here, can, can drive, he, uh, you, uh, Muriel, she's, she's a parishioner.
44:34She volunteers in the cafe here. She's, she's nice. And I know she has a car.
44:38And, uh, but you're suggesting I go back?
44:43I don't know what to suggest.
44:47You're, you're saying that I read something that isn't there.
44:59Uh, uh, uh, no.
45:05No, I, I won't be going back.
45:11Where will you stay?
45:12I didn't come here to talk to you about my accommodation.
45:16Have you, have you any money?
45:17No.
45:19No.
45:19Uh, I...
45:25Um...
45:27I'm, I'm really sorry.
45:29Yeah.
45:30So you said.
45:43Oh.
45:43Oh, oh.
45:44What's your gun?
45:45Get in there, get in there.
45:47Get in there, get in there.
45:53No.
45:55Don't, don't...
45:57Stop!
46:00No!
46:02No!
46:02No!
46:04No!
46:05No!
46:11Uh...
46:12Thanks, honey.
46:18Yes.
46:20Yes, I will need somebody to stay.
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