- 20 hours ago
Falling Season 1 Episode 4
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00:01The End
00:23Shall I take your bags to us, Tessna?
00:25It's just, it's just one bag, quite small.
00:28They don't, I don't, they don't want me to spring much.
00:31No, no, no. Yes, I read the booklet.
00:36So I can carry it?
00:37I always thought we should have redecorated this room.
00:39It was on my list, actually.
00:41Well, you can now.
00:43No, no, no, I meant for you.
00:44I meant this room was done up for a seven-year-old.
00:46You've dears on the wallpaper.
00:48I should have given it a lick of blue paint over the summer sometime.
00:51Made it feel more like a grown-ups room.
00:54I like it.
00:55My point is, I think you grew up and I didn't notice.
01:04Well, Dad, none of this is to upset you.
01:08I found an answer to something, that's all.
01:14Muriel, are you there?
01:19Anna?
01:21If you're there...
01:23..you need to talk.
01:27I'm just posting my number through the door.
01:31What? I just like to talk. Talk more. That's all.
02:25I just like to talk.
02:55No honey sandwiches?
02:59Yeah? Don't.
03:06How are you doing?
03:08Yeah?
03:24Oh, you brought him?
03:26Yeah.
03:28You've been waiting long, father? I'm sorry to keep you. I'm having a bladder reaction to the drugs or something.
03:36They were changing my pads. Is the right level of embarrassing for you?
03:41Yeah.
03:44Would you prefer some private time?
03:47No. She wanted you here. Besides, we've had enough of that. She's bored of me yapping away complaining about this,
03:57that, the other.
03:59Are you in pain? Oh, yeah. And it's on my notes that I'm an addict, so they're being very cheap
04:05with the painkillers.
04:10Tina wanted me to come and ask what you want to do next.
04:16Oh, I'd like to go home and live my life, thank you very much.
04:21I suppose I am concerned that we have Tina's baby underway.
04:28Well, I'll let him back in and he'll mess up that kid too. You're still charming.
04:36Tina wants help.
04:39I just want things to be different now.
04:46So you went to a priest.
04:49I'm not a priest. Not here. Just someone who cares.
04:55We all care, father. Some more than we should.
05:15I am through with vetting families for schools.
05:21Little Algernon is a firm Catholic.
05:23We can't attend, of course. We dry ski on Sundays.
05:26But he prays daily and we bought him some of your holy beads from Amazon.
05:31Show him, Algy. Show him.
05:32I'm sure his name isn't Algernon.
05:34No. It's called Biscuit or some such nonsense.
05:40Sermon?
05:43Uh, uh, it's my sister's marriage blessing.
05:47I didn't see it in the diary.
05:49Second marriage.
05:49Yeah.
05:51First one was bloke's an arsehole.
05:56It's a registry office wedding and then a blessing in the garden.
06:00Then praise be she's getting on the horse again.
06:04What?
06:05The church isn't right about everything.
06:07And I like your sister.
06:10And I like people getting on horses.
06:14I'm extending an awkward metaphor.
06:18I'm checking you're getting the help you need.
06:22I'm getting the help I need.
06:25I love which is coming from my sister.
06:28Well, that's good.
06:31I was concerned, etc.
06:36I won't interfere, etc.
06:39Consider me spent.
06:44Now, we've had a strange request I didn't know whether to pass on.
06:50The chaplain at HMP Avonmouth has requested a visit.
06:55Well, well, well...
06:57Apparitioner has requested you.
07:00Tina's father.
07:01I don't think you should.
07:03I'm not even sure Tina would like you going.
07:09But, uh...
07:11Your decision.
07:27Amen.
07:28I don't know.
07:34I don't know so.
07:41I know so.
07:55I won't know.
07:58I'm not sure whether to...
07:59Knocked for you like four or five times at Muriel's.
08:02You haven't been hung.
08:04Well, that is impressive of you.
08:06I've run.
08:08Repeatedly.
08:09You've done a lot.
08:11Very thorough.
08:13It's beginning to sound like harassment.
08:19I, um...
08:21I wanted to talk to you.
08:24I'm aware.
08:27I just wanted to say...
08:30that I stand by everything I've said.
08:33I've...
08:34I've thought about it, and, um...
08:36this doesn't often happen to me, but, uh...
08:40I think I was right.
08:43I think you and I should accept that
08:45what happened between us was meaningful,
08:48but not in the way...
08:49well, not...
08:50not in the way that I thought it to be...
08:53meaningful.
08:54Can I speak?
08:56No.
08:57No.
09:00Yes, if you want to.
09:05You are...
09:06But you're not allowed to compliment me.
09:09Can you...
09:09just if, for instance, you were going to say, uh,
09:12that I was...
09:15formidable, or...
09:16fantastic, or...
09:17even just interesting,
09:18or anything about how I look, or how I am,
09:21then that...
09:22that wouldn't be okay to say.
09:24Why not?
09:28Let me just start from the beginning.
09:30that the beginning...
09:31and the end...
09:33is that I changed my life...
09:35for you.
09:37And you are not...
09:38responsible for that.
09:39I really...
09:40I really hope I've made it clear
09:41that you are not responsible for that.
09:46It's just the truth.
09:47I've... I've found...
09:49all of this...
09:50very confusing.
09:51I apologise.
09:53I also hope I've made it clear...
09:55that it was...
09:57all me.
09:59And, uh...
10:00I... I do apologise for your confusion.
10:02But I wasn't all you.
10:03You're not allowed to say that, either.
10:05Hannah, what am I allowed to say?
10:11Have you been praying?
10:13About you?
10:14No.
10:16No, not about me.
10:18I...
10:18I just mean, have you...
10:20have you been, uh...
10:21praying generally?
10:23I feel like I've...
10:24been the cause of some...
10:27spiritual undoing.
10:28And I...
10:29just...
10:31I just wanted to make sure
10:33that you've been...
10:33you've been praying again.
10:36Yeah, I've been praying.
10:39Have you?
10:40Yes.
10:42I've also...
10:43been going more regularly
10:44to Alcoholics Anonymous.
10:46I guess.
10:47It's not something I want advertised,
10:49but...
10:51something you probably guessed.
10:55Yeah, I did, um...
10:58you...
10:58sent, um...
11:00and that's helpful.
11:02I think so.
11:05My sisters...
11:07good people around me.
11:10that you want to feel...
11:13responsible.
11:14You shouldn't apologize.
11:15I should.
11:17I'm sorry.
11:20I've behaved towards you...
11:23like...
11:24I felt you...
11:26you made me...
11:27feel things.
11:28I needed to know that.
11:31You made me feel things.
11:38well...
11:39I...
11:40I...
11:41I'm...
11:41trying to set myself right.
11:41I'm determined to be a good priest.
11:44At least the best priest I'm capable of being.
11:49My confusion...
11:50was never you.
11:52It was...
11:54you...
11:56brought to light.
11:57Well, you've done...
11:58a bit more than you bring tonight.
12:06At AA...
12:07we tried to explain not...
12:08who we are, but...
12:10why we are.
12:12And...
12:12I think...
12:14you saw...
12:15the who...
12:16but not the why.
12:19I think my understanding of what I should be has been...
12:22I think I've been trying to help people in the wrong way.
12:27Um...
12:27which way is that?
12:28Saving people.
12:31Some...
12:32addiction like any other.
12:36Huh...
12:37huh...
12:48huh...
12:49huh...
12:49ak...
12:54...
13:05Wonderful's the word I would have used.
13:08It's great, you.
13:16I'll see you again.
13:20Not if I see you first.
13:46I'll see you again.
13:56I'll see you again.
14:05Is that you?
14:09Oh, of course it's you.
14:11I'm due on shift.
14:14Oh, I've cooked.
14:15Yeah, a disgusting idea, I know, but on the off chance you're not repulsed.
14:19There's half a shepherd's pie in the oven.
14:22You look like you're coming down with a cold.
14:24No, no, I'm fine.
14:26You sure?
14:28What time are you back?
14:29Shift ends, 5am.
14:31Very lucky, I know, come here.
14:34Eat the pie.
14:46Mila gets two ahead of you.
14:48We're going local for this one.
14:50In which English county would you find what you are?
14:54Seven.
14:55Not quite.
14:57Huh.
14:58Correct, Sally.
15:00What currency would you use if you were all of them?
15:02Swing it.
15:03Beep.
15:05Beep.
15:06Beep.
15:08Beep.
15:09Beep.
15:13Beep.
15:22Beep.
15:23Beep.
15:24Beep.
15:30Beep.
15:37Beep.
15:46Beep.
15:47Beep.
15:48Beep.
15:48Beep.
15:50Beep.
15:51Beep.
15:52Beep.
15:52Beep.
15:52Beep.
15:53Beep.
15:53Beep.
16:00Hey, um, can I have a glass of red wine, please?
16:04You've got a list, if you want to...
16:05Oh, just the cheapest.
16:07Come right up.
16:49Let's go.
16:56Okay.
17:33I love him.
17:36I love him.
17:40I love him.
17:41I love him.
17:43I love him.
17:44I love him.
17:47I love him.
18:01I love him.
18:04I love him.
18:05I love him.
18:07I love him.
18:12I love him.
18:25I love him.
18:28I love him.
18:37Hi.
18:38Hi.
18:43Waiting for someone?
18:44No.
18:46No, I just couldn't stay in the house any longer.
18:50Oh.
18:51How come?
18:53I was getting irritated by the sound of my own thoughts.
18:58I know that feeling.
19:01Hi, Tony.
19:03Anna.
19:04Hi.
19:04Hi.
19:11Who are you with?
19:13My brother and his wife.
19:15They came here to get away from their kids and they just want to talk about their kids.
19:22Have you got children?
19:24Yeah.
19:24No, you?
19:26Yeah.
19:27Yeah.
19:27One.
19:28Eleven.
19:29His mum and I divorced.
19:31It's tricky.
19:33Yeah.
19:35I can imagine.
19:38What do you do, Anna?
19:41Uh, I'm a cook.
19:47Uh, a cafe cook.
19:50Which cafe?
19:52Well, um, really, I just, I make, um, cakes and bakes and sell them to different cafes.
19:57It's just a home kitchen.
19:59It's just a home kitchen.
19:59Nothing big.
19:59Mm.
20:01It keeps me going.
20:03I may have eaten a sausage roll of yours in my time.
20:07That spicy lamb rolls.
20:08Mine especially.
20:14What do you do?
20:16Uh, sister.
20:17Mm.
20:17Work for Bristol City Council.
20:21Oh, listen.
20:22I'm not very good at getting served, but, um, can I buy you a drink, you know?
20:35Uh, one more and I'll be drunk.
20:42I'm, I'm, um, to be honest, I am, uh, I'm a bit bored of this place.
20:49Have you, have you got somewhere we could go?
20:55Uh, sure.
20:56How do we do?
20:56Good dog, man.
20:59Good dog.
21:08Can't you do, buddy?
21:10Uh, this is my...
21:14Okay, so come up, with me, uh...
21:44You're okay.
21:47I'll just say you're in great shape.
21:50Better shape than me.
22:11Are you okay?
22:14Am I going too fast?
22:20I'm sorry, I mean, this was your idea, wasn't it?
22:24No, it's not.
22:26No, it's not you.
22:28It's not.
22:28I'm sorry if I...
22:30No, it's not you.
22:32I'm sorry.
22:35It's okay.
22:36I like you.
22:37I...
22:38Shall I...
22:39I can make a cup of tea.
22:41Some biscuits.
22:42Maybe we can...
22:43We can talk about it.
22:45I...
22:46I...
22:48I'm...
22:49I...
22:50I can't.
22:51What are you going?
22:52Can I...
22:53Call you?
22:55No.
22:57No.
22:59No.
23:00Anna?
23:02You've done nothing wrong with this.
23:04It's my mistake.
23:07Please, please don't.
23:07I don't...
23:09I don't...
23:10I don't want this.
23:11I'm not ready.
23:14You have to go.
23:17Please, come on.
23:17Please, come on.
23:28He turned out.
23:33Me.
23:34He turned into evil.
23:34I found everything you were selected in a appropriate way.
24:24Father Hicks, Father Bennett, call me William, uh, David.
24:36Okay, so you'll be meeting him in the multi-faith room, it's up to you if you want someone
24:40in the room with you.
24:42I'll be okay.
24:43I think he generally wants counsel.
25:08Guard, stay now.
25:10You asked for me?
25:13Yes.
25:14I was surprised.
25:17Yeah.
25:22My hair's a priest.
25:25Where's a man?
25:27There's a priest.
25:36What do you want from me?
25:43I, um...
25:47They told me she's gonna be okay.
25:51I asked if I could call her, but they said no.
25:56You thought they might allow it?
25:57I didn't know, that's why I asked.
25:59Why do you want to speak to her?
26:00Because I love her.
26:05I wanted to hear her voice, here she was...
26:10Here she wasn't in too much pain.
26:14What pain that you caused?
26:20Yeah, I know, I know.
26:26How can you, um...
26:31Will you visit her?
26:33I have.
26:36I know she's in pretty bad shape.
26:43I don't know.
26:50I don't know how to stop.
27:01If she gives evidence against me, they'll give me two years, maybe, and...
27:05I'll be released on condition that I'll stay away from her.
27:08But she'll find me, because that's her way, and then I'll just do it again.
27:12You assumed a lot of things in that statement.
27:14Or she won't, and I'll find someone else.
27:20I can smell it on them.
27:24The woman...
27:27The women who won't say no.
27:30The women that'll take it and know who they are.
27:33Sounds like...
27:33Or what, you think there weren't others before her?
27:36Others during her?
27:40Yeah, it doesn't take a lot for me to get women.
27:42These hands have broken three jaws.
27:45I've stamped on hands.
27:47I've shattered legs, pelvises, eye sockets.
27:49One girl, I almost ripped her ear clean off.
27:51What can you say to that?
27:52You sound almost proud.
27:56My mum...
27:57She walked with a hunch.
28:02Walking round the house with a bunch of washing in a cheap plastic basket,
28:06and this saggy face, and this...
28:09hunch.
28:12Like she was always waiting for the gut punch.
28:14Why did you want me to hear that?
28:17What's the question?
28:21I'm thinking I need to kill myself.
28:26And I know that that is a sin, but I'm thinking it's all that I've got.
28:33It is the only way to stop me.
28:41I've been asking for your guidance on that.
29:03I've been asking for your guidance on that.
29:12Okay.
29:17I think...
29:18that you need help.
29:20Tried it, it didn't work.
29:22I think you need to try again.
29:26Father Bennett told me of a counselling service here.
29:28No, no.
29:29I just want to hurt them too.
29:30They think they're so fucking clever.
29:32They never are.
29:32I am actually clever.
29:34I can see how fucking thick they are.
29:36And I won't have it.
29:38Do you think I'm clever?
29:39You?
29:40You're not as clever as you think.
29:44You are weak.
29:51I can smug the booze on you now.
29:55What?
29:56Fine.
29:59But I've smug the booze on you before.
30:02And I know you go to those meetings.
30:05I've got friends in those meetings and they know you're weak too.
30:09Why does it matter what I think?
30:10Because I have said this.
30:15You are my priest.
30:17I've never much felt like you're a priest.
30:21You can talk to any priest.
30:24Maybe someone with some distance, Father Bennett.
30:26I don't know them.
30:27They could be kiddie fiddlers.
30:28Or worse still, the pious fuckers who think that everything is easy.
30:32You're weak.
30:38But you're a good man.
30:41I've seen you.
30:42And I know you're good.
30:43And you have been good to my daughter.
30:47I trust your judgement.
30:50I don't want this last act to be a sin.
30:54I want it to be an act of penance.
30:57And God is not talking to me right now.
30:58So I need to know from you.
31:00I need to know that...
31:01I need to be sure that this is, um...
31:06That penance is right.
31:20Good.
31:24Good, yeah, you're thinking.
31:29Well, there it is.
31:30I know I've said all I want to say.
31:34I'll trust your word.
31:44Yes or no.
31:45First foster home I went to was fine, but they were only doing emergency care.
31:51Second was okay, but we didn't get on.
31:55Third foster family I went to, I was...
31:59Five.
32:00I lived there for two years until I was seven.
32:04The oldest kid there was 14.
32:09I won't give him his name because...
32:12He doesn't deserve it.
32:14To be honest, I don't need to hear the personal stuff.
32:16He thought I made too much noise.
32:18He liked to pinch me.
32:22Just little hard pinches that no one saw.
32:25And I was a pretty scared child and I let him.
32:28And then it escalated a little.
32:33He'd punch me.
32:35Little rabbit punches, he'd call them.
32:38He'd push me off things and he'd...
32:43Do everything he could.
32:45Little things to...
32:48He enjoyed my pain.
32:50I am not finding this interesting.
32:51I just want an answer.
32:52I didn't want to talk to my support worker about it because I thought it was this or an institution.
32:57And I had my own room with this family and I really enjoyed the food.
33:01And I had a couple of friends at school that I liked to play with.
33:06And then the people who became my parents started to visit.
33:13And they were really special.
33:15Everyone could see.
33:17They...
33:18They...
33:18Smelt good.
33:20They were Catholic.
33:21Everyone knew that religious adopters were the best kind.
33:24The third time they visited...
33:27He...
33:28Followed me into the toilet.
33:32And he slammed my head into the bowl and he held it.
33:35He tried to hold it into the water.
33:37He tried to drown me in the toilet water.
33:39But there wasn't enough water in the bottom of the bowl.
33:42And so he pushed his hands around my head and I was bleeding.
33:46I mean...
33:48He strangled me.
33:55He strangled me.
33:58So hard.
34:00I lost consciousness.
34:04I...
34:06I don't know how...
34:10I know who saved me.
34:15I was taken away from that foster family, immediately taken...
34:18Actually taken in to...
34:20By the Catholics who adopted me.
34:27My point...
34:28Actually, I have two points.
34:30My first is I understand pain.
34:34I understand people who want to inflict pain.
34:40My second point...
34:43Is...
34:43That boy, me...
34:47I had no one...
34:50To talk to.
34:51No one.
34:54And...
34:55I...
34:55I thought since then...
34:57I resolved I would never let anyone be alone like that.
35:01Like I was again.
35:06But...
35:07But I think...
35:08You do need to be alone, Phil.
35:13Penance is about change.
35:15It's not about ends.
35:19If you commit the same sin...
35:21You can't just clean it off.
35:22And you can't think one act cleans the slate.
35:25It doesn't...
35:26God doesn't work like that.
35:28God loves.
35:29But God also expects.
35:30And what does He expect?
35:31He expects love.
35:35He expects...
35:36Love.
35:39For yourself.
35:40And for others.
35:42And He expects you to be the best love.
35:46John 4, verse 8.
35:48Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.
35:51Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
36:04So no.
36:05No.
36:06I will not sit in judgment on your end.
36:08It's a sin how you've lived.
36:10And if you kill yourself, it'll be a sin how you die.
36:14But I will say this.
36:17Yeah, you're right.
36:19I am weak.
36:22But you are weaker.
36:24If you think you truly have no way of helping yourself.
36:30And I will be...
36:31I will do everything I can to help Bianca see this through.
36:37So you stay in here.
36:40For a very long time.
37:01For a very long time.
37:03Good to see you.
37:11I will imagine you.
37:12By taking all the time.
37:15By talking to someone, you are a fearless man.
37:17He was a young man and I will be on the phone.
37:19Nobody's gonna be sad.
37:20I will such a sad move.
37:21One time I will be on the phone.
37:23I am young man.
37:24So you don't have to wait.
37:31Hi.
37:32Hello.
37:34This is a surprise.
37:37I thought about calling.
37:39I didn't want to catch you unawares.
37:42You caught me unawares on your last visit, so...
37:45Fair's fair.
37:47And you're cooking.
37:49The James family invited us over.
37:52I thought I'd make my apple cake.
37:53Chris? Chris?
38:00Don't let me stop you.
38:03Do you want to help?
38:06Yeah. Of course.
38:19Hello.
38:20She's helping me now.
38:22You can go back to your room.
38:25Nice to see you.
38:26And you, Dad.
38:27Are you well?
38:28We're cooking.
38:42That was an odd thing to do, wasn't it?
38:44Forgot I had some out.
38:46Oh.
38:46Sure.
38:49You decor and slice.
38:51I'll keep working on the rest of it.
38:57I've been making a yoghurt and apple cake, actually.
39:02And we had a farmer who had swapped me in.
39:06I, um...
39:09It doesn't matter.
39:12I hate it when you do that.
39:15When you're superior like that.
39:17It doesn't matter.
39:20And you are the arbiter of...
39:25I, um...
39:26I'm just...
39:27I'm just here to see you, Mum.
39:30I just want to help me make a cake.
39:40I like thin slices.
39:43Feels like they melt into the cake when they're thin.
40:11I need a lift, Dad.
40:12Okay.
40:16Where to?
40:45Hello, Father.
40:47Hello.
40:48Um...
40:48I just wondered if Anna...
40:51whether I could talk to Anna.
40:54Um...
40:54No, I'm afraid you can't.
40:56Look, Anna, I know I've made mistakes.
40:58I just want to explain or try to set things right.
41:03Just talk to her.
41:04She's gone back.
41:07Back where?
41:07Yeah.
41:17She, um...
41:18She left me a letter.
41:21Probably thought I'd try to convince her different.
41:30Do you want to come in?
41:31She's made a mistake.
41:36I think you've thought that a few times.
41:38She has.
41:42She took her skin off for you.
41:48Maybe she just wanted to...
41:51put it on again.
41:54Feel safe again.
42:01Yeah.
42:12Anna?
42:16Oh, it is you.
42:19And looking so healthy.
42:21Look at that lovely hair.
42:23Hello, Polly.
42:26Hello, Agnes.
42:29I didn't think I'd see you again.
42:32You have light all through you.
42:36Hmm.
42:53Hello.
42:57Hello.
42:57Are you in the middle of something?
43:00Stay, please.
43:05Please don't make this humiliating.
43:08I wasn't intending to.
43:11But...
43:12May I ask why?
43:15This is my home.
43:17No.
43:18It is a home of God.
43:26Did he reject you?
43:28No.
43:30Are you going to change your mind again?
43:33No.
43:34Sorry to ask.
43:35I hope you...
43:37know why I have.
43:39Is there still a place for me?
43:43Of course, there is.
43:47I can do good work here.
43:50You always did.
43:53I...
43:54I have my habit.
43:58If you want to...
44:00You may push it back on.
44:06You are loved here.
44:09And we are pleased you have found your way back.
44:15I love you too.
44:19And...
44:21I will try not to expect you to be the same person now as you were when you left us.
44:29Though you do seem to be just as irritating.
44:33In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
44:37The Lord be with you.
44:39And with your spirit.
44:44Lord, we have sinned against you.
44:48Lord, have mercy.
44:50Lord, have mercy.
44:53Lord, hear our prayer to fill us, as you filled your Son with love, to fight the world.
45:02Help us...
45:04Help us to...
45:09Help us to...
45:12Amen.
45:14Amen.
45:15Amen.
45:17Show us.
45:20Show us your mercy, and your love.
45:24And grant us your salvation.
45:29May Almighty God have mercy on us.
45:33Forgive our sins.
45:36And bring us to everlasting life.
45:40Amen.
45:40Amen.
45:42Amen.
45:48Amen.
45:50Amen.
46:03Amen.
46:06Amen.
46:08Amen.
46:09Amen.
46:10Amen.
46:10Amen.
46:11Amen.
46:11Amen.
46:13Amen.
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