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00:26Oh, it's got me!
00:41Good morning, it's just got 8 o'clock.
00:47Oh, hello.
00:48They didn't say that you were, uh...
00:50Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:52None of my forms.
00:54Catholic?
00:55Now, I've got to say, I haven't been to Confession in close to ten years now.
01:01Sadly, you're totally damned.
01:03Unless you can fix my car, that is.
01:32Anna?
01:34Sister Anna, we've a visitor needs feeding.
02:03BIRDS CHIRP
02:09I'd like to bring a few girls from my choir for a visit.
02:12How old are you?
02:1314 to 17, mostly still in education.
02:17Devoted?
02:18Some are finding their path.
02:20Any dependents?
02:21I'm sorry?
02:23Sister, good.
02:25Father Hicks has travelled a long way.
02:28Uh, only an hour and a half.
02:30I was late because my car decided to explode when I was halfway here.
02:34Oh.
02:35How dramatic.
02:36Yeah, I had a burst, something.
02:38Which means a longer bus ride home.
02:40You need to eat.
02:41No, it's not a problem.
02:42I can just get a snack from the shop on the way.
02:45Sister Anna can do better than a scotch egg from a newsagent.
02:49She sets the bar so high.
02:50Since she took over the kitchen, all of us have put on weight.
02:53Something simple?
02:55Uh, yeah, yeah, thank you.
02:56But don't put yourself out.
02:58Scrambled eggs?
02:59Some bread?
03:00Maybe sure.
03:02That's two thank yous, which is one too many.
03:04Good.
03:05Yes, no dependents.
03:07If the girls have children...
03:08Even for a visit?
03:10The visit is to see whether they might fit, no?
03:14We are not here to be watched.
03:16We are here to be joined.
03:18No number of children.
03:20Or romantic entanglements.
03:21Do you want me to give them a quiz?
03:24Is that too hard a question to answer?
03:28Um...
03:28Then let us agree a date.
03:30I'll fetch our diaries.
03:34You're new for the kitchen.
03:36Uh, no, it's been 11 years, I think.
03:41Time passes slowly here.
03:44Been outside?
03:46Uh, yes, yes.
03:47Bulbing for the new season.
03:49What are you growing?
03:50Children.
03:52Tiny, tiny little children in the middle of the flowers,
03:55which we pluck in May, we dry them through the summer,
03:58and then we eat them in September.
04:03Uh, kale, lettuce, spinach, garlic.
04:08My cabbages are legendary.
04:10I don't like cabbage.
04:12Well, then I judge you for that.
04:1711 years?
04:19It's been a long while.
04:20It's been over 20 since I took my vows.
04:24And you?
04:26Where are you?
04:27Uh, Bristol, Easton.
04:30What do you grow in Easton?
04:32Huh.
04:33Um, currently it's spending a lot of energy
04:37trying to get the needle exchange opened, and...
04:39Oh, a basketball hoop in the local park.
04:42They sound like good things to be doing.
04:45Frustrating.
04:47And I'm trying to convince people
04:49to run a harvest festival out of the church.
04:58I can't know whether the girls are in relationships.
05:03It would be inappropriate to ask.
05:07And I can't be involved in any duplicity against the abbess.
05:12You'll find a way.
05:13I fail to see how...
05:14You should have talked to her about this.
05:16I'm sorry if I'm being...
05:17It's the rules she set.
05:18It's my job.
05:19To protect all of them.
05:21It'll mean we can't come.
05:22Well, then don't come.
05:27Cold water.
05:29Cold water.
05:38You won't go too badly.
05:42Oh.
05:44Sorry.
05:48No, no.
05:49I, uh...
05:53I should say thank you.
05:57I'm sorry if I, um...
06:00If that was the wrong thing to do.
06:03Sorry.
06:04No.
06:07And that's, uh...
06:09Well, that's two thank yous, which is one too many.
06:12Okay.
06:19Uh, no.
06:20Let me do that.
06:20No.
06:21No, no, no.
06:21Just sit down.
06:22No, no, please.
06:23No, just tell me where...
06:36This looks beautiful.
06:40Just some eggs.
06:41Ah, bless us.
06:44Oh, Lord.
06:45Uh, and these your gift.
06:47For these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty.
06:51And from the gracious work of your servant, Sister Anna.
06:55Through Christ our Lord.
06:58I'm in.
06:58I want it.
07:04I, I don't like the word servant.
07:08I don't like it either.
07:10No.
07:14I don't like it either.
07:15There's been an accident.
07:17There's been an accident.
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08:16Morning, sister.
08:18May the Lord bless this day.
08:20Yes.
08:22And if he could arrange for it not to rain so the polytunnel doesn't get swamped again, I'd really appreciate
08:27it.
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11:50But I do.
11:51I think you've been very hard on yourself.
11:55I am vile.
11:58You're not.
12:01You're not.
12:20Are you going to invite me in or are you going to leave a lady on the doorstep?
12:24Oh, you're a daft one.
12:26Do you wish to say anything?
12:30No.
12:33Do you need absolution?
12:36Yes.
12:44How was it?
12:47Well, half the kids look as if they've got malnutrition and half the adults jaundice.
12:51The rest just seem depressed.
12:53We'll pray for them.
12:55And help as best we can.
12:58Has the school group arrived?
12:59Yeah.
13:00Important, I'm told, by the prioress for them to see us for the recruitment push.
13:05It does make one feel one is in a zoo, rather.
13:09Time for a whiskey.
13:10I got sent a rather fine maud by the bishop.
13:13Might chase away some of the feelings of the day?
13:15He shouldn't encourage you.
13:17It's because he wants you to make him some whiskey marmaid.
13:21Well, I can try.
13:22I told him you're not a takeaway.
13:23He'll take what he's given.
13:25Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
13:27It's been three weeks since my last confession.
13:31How have you been?
13:34I'm okay.
13:39You know I'm supposed to pretend I never know who's on the other side of this.
13:45I took a trip to the convent, the Womack.
13:49I'm going to take some members of the girls' choir and I'd like to ask your mum if you'd like
13:54to join it.
13:55The trip.
13:56Thanks.
13:58Is that what you want?
14:01With...
14:01Yeah.
14:03Yeah.
14:07Then...
14:08Maybe I'll come around the house, talk to her.
14:16He's out most evenings.
14:18At the restaurant.
14:20Mm-hmm.
14:32Hi, Biancas.
14:33Father Hicks.
14:35I'd hoped to talk to you about Tina.
14:37She said tonight might be a good night to come over.
14:58Tina!
14:59Tina!
15:02I'll go on what you got.
15:04Do you need help?
15:05There are things I can do to...
15:07You can leave if you're going to be trying that.
15:08Tina!
15:12Um...
15:14How do you feel about Tina making the decision to lead a consecrated life?
15:19I think she's a kid who doesn't know which way's up.
15:27Uh, did you...
15:28Did you grow up a Catholic, Bianca?
15:31Why is he asking all the questions to me?
15:33You're the adult.
15:34He wants to check you're okay.
15:37It's her who wants to hide in a convent for her life.
15:40Uh...
15:41I don't think it's hiding.
15:43Well, I do understand why commitment, faith, feels a strange thing in this world.
15:50The amount of people that ask me things like,
15:51How do you have to wear it all the time?
15:53Do you never have sex?
15:56He's trying to shock us now.
15:57The priest talking about sex.
16:00And I do think celibacy is an important part of Tina's commitments, but it's not the most important part.
16:06Marx is always quoted as saying,
16:08Religion is the opium of the masses.
16:10What he actually said was,
16:12Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature,
16:15The heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions.
16:20It is the opium of the people.
16:23I don't go to church, can't stand the dither of it all.
16:26Dither.
16:28Well, it seems to me the Bible says do good, then we'll do it.
16:31Stop dithering about with incense and myrrh.
16:33Mum.
16:35I think you're right about the dither.
16:38But, I think what Marx was saying is that the church, by venerating virtue, does something quite important.
16:45And, I think right now, society needs that virtue.
16:50Look, she says she wanted it, she goes.
16:54Good.
16:55Then, I'd like to take you, Tina, with a few other girls, to visit Wormack.
17:01I think that by visiting there, she'll get much better sense of whether that's what she needs.
17:11Um, should I talk to Phil?
17:15No.
17:17Well, that's everything, Father Hicks.
17:36Sister, it's your postulant. She was found with a phone.
17:40A phone?
17:41She's been keeping it hidden.
18:01It's not easy when we lose track of ourselves to find our way back.
18:09Can I ask, why did you feel you needed your phone?
18:14I don't know.
18:18My parents were horrified.
18:21And I said I wanted to be a nun.
18:24My mum said I was throwing myself away.
18:29She thought it was over some bore hill.
18:31Was there a boy?
18:35No.
18:37You?
18:40Not a boy.
18:45It's my friend, Susie.
18:52Is that okay?
18:55With me?
18:56Yes.
18:59With God?
19:01I would hope so.
19:04With you?
19:12Do you want to stay?
19:16Do you want me to stay?
19:22Oh, Empe.
19:24If there is one choice that has to be yours, it is this.
19:32Do you ever doubt your choice?
19:38Faith is dependent on doubt.
19:43Without doubt, there is no faith.
19:47Do you want to stay?
19:48Do you want to stay alone?
19:49Oh, my God.
20:07Do you want to stay in the room?
20:14Please.
20:15Oh, no, no, no.
20:54She seems much better this morning.
20:57Good.
21:00So I've prayed upon it and decided I have no choice but to ask her to leave.
21:06No, you can't.
21:07When someone is a postulant...
21:10But she's been with us for over a year.
21:14When someone is a postulant, they are here to be judged by us and by themselves
21:18as to whether they can find the patience and love to belong.
21:21It's one mistake.
21:23A crucial one.
21:24I devote myself to God in every way.
21:28I isolate myself and give myself to prayer,
21:30but I do want to keep checking social media for what my friends are up to.
21:33May I speak?
21:36I have been guiding her, and I don't think you understand.
21:39She is a genuine, kind...
21:42Good.
21:42My role in this convent is to make the decisions others won't.
21:46It's to lead.
21:47Your role is not to abandon the poor girl.
21:50Francesca, please!
21:51No, no!
21:51You do not use that name, my name, in anger.
21:55It is not a weapon.
21:58No, I...
22:00I apologise, Abbess.
22:08Our commitment cannot be predicated on a lie.
22:11She vowed to put away everything from her other life.
22:14She couldn't.
22:15She lied.
22:16To her sisters and to God.
22:19She made a vow, she made a vow, and she broke it.
22:21She was weak, yes.
22:24But these young people, they are growing up in an unforgiving world.
22:29Perhaps our commitment might take them a little bit longer to learn.
22:34Please.
22:36Please, give her a chance to find her path.
22:52She remains a postulant for at least another year.
22:55She has to prove herself all over again, yes?
22:58Yes.
23:01She's lucky to have you.
23:05Okay.
23:08There will be a time when I am ready to take quieter duties here.
23:15I believe you are the right person to succeed me.
23:18But if you do, you may discover that these decisions are harder than they might appear.
23:34It's a wonderful deanery meeting last night.
23:37Falling congregations since Covid.
23:40How to get people back believing.
23:43Anyone suggest another Covid?
23:45Make him beg before the incoming flood.
23:48Don't forget the accounts need your sign off.
23:52The bishop needs to know precisely what we've got.
23:54to set terms for the underfloor heating brigade.
23:57Francis, could you run this morning for me?
23:59Sorry?
24:01I just realised I've got some pressing prisoners.
24:03Could you lead master's morning for me?
24:25Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
24:27It's been four days since my last confession.
24:33I've been angry with others, impatient.
24:38I shouted at the abbess.
24:41I was cruel to Sister Justine when she needed support.
24:48And I have been having immoral thoughts.
24:56Lust.
25:04You have to say something to that, Father Clary, you can't leave me on my own without one.
25:10Go on.
25:13Go on.
25:15Go on.
25:17What does that mean?
25:20It means, go on.
25:29It's not like I haven't had thoughts before.
25:34I have struggled at times with feelings of desire, but this time, well, these times,
25:47these feelings, they're, they're so specific.
25:57And, and, well, that's all I can say, really.
25:59I, I am ashamed.
26:02And, well, I'm confused, confused, mainly.
26:10Three Hail Marys.
26:17Yes, Father.
26:20And be careful.
26:29God the Father of mercies through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself
26:35and sent the Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of our sins.
26:39So the ministry of the church, may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins.
26:45In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
26:50Amen.
26:51Amen.
26:51Amen.
26:52Amen.
26:54Amen.
27:12Amen.
27:17Amen.
27:18Amen.
27:21Amen.
27:32Amen.
27:33Amen.
27:34Amen.
27:35Amen.
27:35Amen.
27:46Hello.
27:48Ah, this is a surprise.
27:51I just thought I'd, um, I'd come back to talk to the abbess.
27:56Felt like I'd left a few of her concerns on the table.
28:00Right.
28:02Can I was hoping for more beautiful eggs, of course.
28:05I knew you were the pushy sort.
28:09May I see your cabbages?
28:12Only if you get me really drunk.
28:20Are you that nervous of me,
28:21our best that you'd look around a boring garden to avoid it?
28:24Boring garden? Doubt it that.
28:27No.
28:30But why are you here?
28:36Uh, can I tell you about a girl I'd like to bring you here?
28:39You can tell me about anything you like, but I am no use with the abbess.
28:43Um, her mother, the girl's mother is being hit by the father.
28:52I think it's possible the girl's been hit, too.
28:54I raise it with social services.
28:56I raise it with the diocese safeguarding unit.
28:58But they both do something, but nothing ever happens.
29:05Sorry, you're not interested in...
29:08What is it you're doubting?
29:10I'm sorry?
29:11Your ability to deal with it, her response to it,
29:14or what else it is that you should be doing to help it.
29:17Uh, you're remarkably frank.
29:26Why are you looking at me like that?
29:29I just wish I had your conviction.
29:32You have certainty. I mean, it's a good thing.
29:36I haven't been certain about anything since 2001.
29:40What happened then?
29:42I became a nun.
29:50Well, here are my cabbages.
29:54They're beautiful.
29:56You like that word.
29:57Although these might actually be beautiful.
30:00How do you keep the slugs away?
30:02They're kind of neat.
30:04They don't like eggshells.
30:06Cuts them up.
30:07Uh-huh.
30:11Helping the girl and your needle.
30:14Exchanges, no hopes.
30:15It's impressive.
30:17I don't feel impressive.
30:19And here was I thinking you were trying to impress me.
30:27I, um...
30:28I struggle.
30:29I fail.
30:31I intervene when I shouldn't.
30:33I...
30:33You're a click of the fingers, Christian.
30:36I'm sorry?
30:37You want everything sold in a click of the fingers,
30:41and if it isn't, then it costs you.
30:43You have a brutal way of describing things.
30:46But I'm sure you're right.
30:48No.
30:48No, I admire click of the fingers, Christians.
30:52They see a problem, and they try to solve it.
30:57I'm about as far from a click of the fingers, Christian,
30:59as you can get.
31:01But you followed your conviction
31:03to live a consecrated life.
31:08Yes.
31:09Well, this has become my home.
31:13For better or worse.
31:16Make it sound like you're not happy here.
31:22It's a good thing, what you're doing.
31:26And I'm sorry, conviction is another word I don't like.
31:31I'll fetch the abbess.
31:34You know, you asked us to make an appointment
31:35before coming here.
31:37We are enclosed.
31:40I can find the abbess, please.
31:42Get on with your duties.
31:44I...
31:47I shouldn't have disturbed you.
31:48I'm sorry.
31:49I can find the abbess, please.
32:19I can find the abbess, please.
32:24I can find the abbess, please.
32:40I can find the abbess, please.
32:43I can find the abbess, please.
32:51I can find the abbess, please.
33:08Father Hicks, Father, you're leaving already?
33:17Oh, well, you were right.
33:19The abbess told me to make an appointment.
33:22She's quite formidable.
33:26You all are?
33:30I, uh, I didn't mean to be cruel before.
33:34Uh, no, you weren't.
33:37Brutal.
33:39Cruel.
33:39Oh.
33:41I didn't mean, when I used that word, I didn't mean...
33:44Yes, I just thought, uh, thank you for sharing your struggles with me.
33:51I didn't mean to be dismissive.
33:52Sister, you've done nothing wrong.
33:58Anna.
33:59Call me Anna.
34:01David.
34:08The girl whose mother's being hurt.
34:14Maybe, maybe she could find peace here, but here is not the only peace.
34:21Particularly if she's leaving her mother behind.
34:23We are not a refuge.
34:25It doesn't work.
34:27If we're a refuge.
34:30And we can't save her for you.
34:33No.
34:37We've devoted...
34:38We devote ourselves to something better.
34:42And I think the question we all have to ask ourselves, David, is...
34:48Is if we've done something right.
34:52If we've listened to our hearts and we've done something right.
35:00You should have been in free, Jo.
35:04They're laughing at me.
35:08I don't think I ever want to laugh at you.
35:11I know.
35:19I, um...
35:20Must get to church.
35:24Bye.
35:29Bye.
35:31Bye.
35:32Bye.
35:44Bye.
35:48Bye.
35:58Bye.
35:59Bye.
35:59Bye.
35:59Bye.
36:00Bye.
36:00Bye.
36:07morning do you mind if you stay away from my daughter my daughter's so spiritual guidance
36:12yeah well just stay the fuck away yeah big man a bit early in the morning for a drink isn't
36:19it
36:19phil stealing kids off the poor is that what you do just take them stick them in a fucking
36:28custom throw away the key look why don't we go inside and talk about this properly
36:38i do recognize your teen is spiritual glad too sir
36:49do not tell me or my daughter or my fucking wife what's right
37:14oh i'm sorry sister i was just going to wake you and then i caught sight of this fawn
37:22well i'm sure you want them chased away before they eat your vegetables no my garden's well protected
37:29we had a deer that used to come right up to the windows
37:34must be 40 no 60 years ago would you feed it well that one's tried to stroke its nose
37:42it didn't like that i was scared it wouldn't come back but it did and then it didn't
37:56i always worried perhaps someone took advantage of his innocence and killed it
38:04i did miss it have you really been here for 60 years polly 74 i came when i was 16
38:17a wonderful life
38:21i'm pleased you've stood in defense of bimpe
38:25i think she has what it takes i really do
38:28i think she's here
38:58I don't know.
39:33I don't know.
40:09I don't know.
40:42I don't know.
41:09I don't know.
41:28I don't know.
42:03I don't know.
42:11Then I will call him on the phone.
42:41Hello?
42:48Where is she?
42:53No, no, no.
42:54I'll come straight there.
43:00Sister?
43:05I'm sorry, Anna.
43:07You asked for me.
43:11What's happened to your face?
43:13Oh, I, um, I got into a fight with a slippery cobblestone.
43:22What are you...
43:24Can we go somewhere?
43:27Can we go somewhere a little less quiet?
43:29I don't know.
43:42I always promised myself that I would see the problems in front of me clearly.
43:49I always promised myself...
43:50Do you...
43:51Do you, uh, do you not want to sit down?
43:52Uh, no, no.
43:54Um...
43:54Uh, I...
43:55I always promised myself that I would be honest.
43:59Uh, that I could be honest about how I feel.
44:02Good.
44:04And I see you, and I'm...
44:07I'm cruel to you.
44:09You aren't cruel.
44:11And I...
44:13I think it's important to understand why, when, when you came to visit, why I, I was casual
44:20with you.
44:23Um, and I think it's important to say, and, well, to act on when, when you touch my hand.
44:40Uh, and I, I believe I should listen to my inner truth.
44:47And I, I believe, I believe that I have never felt the way that you make me feel.
45:12Does, does the convent know you're here?
45:17A-Alan, does, does the convent know you're here?
45:23Uh, well, I think they probably worked it out by now.
45:28And, and you intend to...
45:32Yes.
45:35Why?
45:39Simply because I touched your hand.
45:44Because you, you felt feelings for me.
45:49Well, there was nothing simple about it.
45:53I, uh, I thought you felt the same, same sort of feelings.
46:13I'm so sorry.
46:20But, but you, but you came back.
46:24You, you came back to the Womack.
46:26I'm so sorry if I presented, if, um, I made you feel, think.
46:37I can, um, there, uh, there, there's someone here can, can drive.
46:43He, uh, you, uh, Muriel, she's, she's a parishioner.
46:47She volunteers in a cafe here.
46:48She's, she's nice, and I know she has a car.
46:51And, uh, you're suggesting I go back?
46:56I don't know what to suggest.
47:00You're, you're saying that I read something that isn't there.
47:12Uh, um, no.
47:19No, I, I won't be going back.
47:25Where would you stay?
47:27I didn't come here to talk to you about my accommodation.
47:30Have you, have you any money?
47:32No.
47:33Uh, but I, uh.
47:40Um.
47:42I'm, I'm really sorry.
47:44Yeah.
47:45So you said.
47:59Well, let's get it.
48:03Oh, I'm a kid.
48:04Ooh.
48:11Oh, no, no.
48:13Oh, no, no, no.
48:14Oh, no, no, no, no.
48:15No, no, no, no.
48:17No.
48:18No!
48:21No!
48:22No!
48:29Yes.
48:38Yes, I will need someone to stay.
48:47No.
48:48No.
48:52No!
48:55No!
49:00No!
49:02No!
49:03No!
49:05No!!
49:05No!
49:06No!
49:07No!
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