01:00So I'd say, uh, yeah, I guess I can do something right.
01:03Get this under control before they compromise our entire operation.
01:09What was she saying, Mr. B? I was momentarily bewitched.
01:13Musicals cause chaos.
01:15Ah, the chaos that traditionally stems from musical theater.
01:18How do we prevent this?
01:20Maybe just be good at your job.
01:23That's it, Mr. B. A show of strength.
01:26All we need is someone very weak to make me look strong.
01:31By contrast, you...
01:33Look, Catherine, I made queef cookies.
01:37But those are just ginger snaps, Katie.
01:41Could you get that, Katie?
01:49Oh, my God, look, Catherine.
01:50It's Canadian television stars Terrence and Phillip.
01:53Oh, my God, they're famous.
01:55Oh, hello, sirs.
01:56It is such an honor to meet you.
01:58Oh, Katie, I'm getting all goose bumpy and queefy.
02:03May we come in, please?
02:06Oh, certainly, though.
02:07I fear we look a mess.
02:08Pretty nice place you have here.
02:10Network must be paying you well.
02:12Oh, yes.
02:12The show is going about as well as it could.
02:15All right, enough with the queefing.
02:17We didn't come for a social call.
02:18That's right.
02:19We've come to kill you.
02:21Oh, why kill us?
02:22We love you.
02:23Because you've reduced Canada Channel to smut and toilet humor.
02:27Oh, well, I suppose if we're going to die,
02:29we should die by the hands of our idols.
02:32Your idols?
02:34We grew up watching you.
02:35You meant the world to us.
02:37We used to fantasize about pleasing you in all different ways.
02:40Know that it is an honor to die by your hand.
02:45I don't think I can do it, Phillip.
02:47Why not?
02:47Because I'm suddenly finding myself strangely attracted to Catherine.
02:50What?
02:51That's crazy, Terrence.
02:53Katie is obviously the hot one.
02:56Hello, everyone.
02:57My name is John Garner,
02:58and I'm a nutrition advisor from the USDA.
03:01I want to clarify the USDA's position on a healthy diet.
03:05There's been a lot of confusion about gluten lately.
03:08People saying that gluten is the cause of cancer,
03:10gluten should be avoided,
03:11gluten can make your dick fly off,
03:12but let's set the record straight.
03:13Make your dick fly off.
03:15People believe that omitting gluten will make you healthier,
03:18but of course, that's a bunch of hooey.
03:19Hooey is the preservative found in processed foods
03:21that we now believe is the main culprit of obesity.
03:24You might say, well, there's fat and butter, too,
03:26but that's just poppycock.
03:27Poppycock first came from India
03:28and is the key ingredient in red meat,
03:30which we now realize is good for you along with hooey.
03:32The good hooey, not the bad hooey.
03:34So what is gluten?
03:36Yes, thank you.
03:37Simply put, gluten is the protein found in flour
03:40when you take all the starch away.
03:42Flour is, of course, just wheat,
03:44and when you add a liquid to flour, you get dough.
03:46Dough that makes bread, donuts, pasta,
03:48and all the hooey-free foods that humans enjoy.
03:50Now, if we wash the dough of all its starch,
03:53we can actually distill the wheat down,
03:55minus the water, minus the starch,
03:56and what we're left with is pure gluten.
03:59Not a bioweapon, just harmless flour protein.
04:03Then eat it.
04:05Excuse me?
04:06If it's not dangerous,
04:08then eat that pure concentrated gluten, okay?
04:17Yeah, all right.
04:18Oh, you see?
04:35That is dick flying off.
04:36Oh, my God.
04:45These people don't even know.
04:46Hurry, you gotta go.
04:48Oh, Jesus.
04:49Hey, it isn't safe in there.
04:53Get out, get out.
04:54We're about to get out.
04:56Hurry, you gotta go.
04:59Tiny thing, that's a big thing.
05:01Can you close your eyes when you kiss?
05:04Eyes closed?
05:06Huh.
05:06Interesting concept.
05:08Yeah, just because when they're open,
05:10it's a little hostage-y, you know?
05:12In a good way?
05:13I mean, you know, it is a choice,
05:15and I love when actors make choices,
05:18but maybe we make a different, better choice next time?
05:21I'm sorry.
05:22I'm messing up your big thing.
05:23No, no, no, no, no.
05:25You're doing great, Joan.
05:26I just...
05:32What about power bars?
05:33The power bars?
05:34Yes.
05:35Hamburger helper?
05:35That's all gluten.
05:38There's hot dog buns in that cupboard, Sharon.
05:40Hey, Dad, I need to talk to you
05:41about this party we're having.
05:42Oh, my God, the wheat thins!
05:44And the triscuits, too, Randy.
05:46Wait, wait, I might need those.
05:47This stuff will make your dick fly off, Stan.
05:49Don't forget the freezer.
05:51Oh, God.
05:52Chicken nuggets, breaded.
05:54Frozen burritos, flour.
05:56Ice cream.
05:56What about ice cream?
05:57I don't know.
05:58Look at the ingredients.
05:59Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup.
06:01No, ice cream's good for you.
06:02All right, that's all of it.
06:04You sure?
06:05All right, you got those?
06:05I can get both of these out.
06:06All right, come on.
06:13Hey, how's it going, bros?
06:14This is Cartman Brock.
06:15Cartman Brock.
06:16And I...
06:17About it.
06:17Uh-oh, looks like Kyle's taking issue
06:19with something again.
06:19Kyle's got a problem.
06:21Cartman Brock.
06:21You know, you used to sit in the living room
06:23with your friends and family,
06:24and they were the ones commenting
06:26on whatever was on TV.
06:27Oh, God.
06:35You can't just keep us in here.
06:37We're out.
06:38We're all out of toppings.
06:40There's nothing left to eat.
06:42Ah!
06:42Look, I don't want your pity.
06:44Just leave me alone.
06:45Get out of here.
06:47They're just going to let us starve to death?
06:49They don't care about us.
06:51Face it.
06:52We're already dead to them.
06:55Well then, I guess I might as well eat.
06:58There's nothing left.
06:59I told you.
07:00There's plenty of pizza dough.
07:02Are you crazy?
07:03I'm crazy hungry.
07:06Oh, fuck.
07:08It's so good.
07:09I want more.
07:14Oh, it's been so long.
07:17Oh, my God, you...
07:20But you're okay.
07:24You don't think it's a little ridiculous
07:26that wheat protein is toxic?
07:28This whole thing was a setup, man.
07:30A setup?
07:31But by who?
07:32Oh, my God, we...
07:33We have to get a hold of someone
07:34who can get the word out.
07:35Maybe Papa John can help us.
07:37If we can get a hold of him,
07:38then maybe we can...
07:39Fuck, I want pancakes.
07:46Hey, Wendy.
07:48You're back?
07:51Yeah, the startup company thing didn't work out.
07:53Oh, wow.
07:53I'm shocked.
07:56So, hey, I was going to see
07:57if you still wanted to see
07:58that stupid Maze Runner movie.
07:59You broke up with me, Stan.
08:01You said you had to be free
08:02to chase your dreams.
08:04Wendy, I thought my life
08:06was going in a different direction,
08:07and I just felt that
08:08I really had to give it everything I had.
08:10You know, I had to focus on one thing.
08:12Is that why you told Clyde
08:13that you broke up with me
08:14because you're about to be
08:15dripping in bitches?
08:17God, why does everyone suddenly remember
08:19everything everybody says?
08:20I'm happy, Stan.
08:22I'm happy I know who you really are now.
08:24You're someone who can't be counted on.
08:25You're someone who can just bail
08:27on the people you love.
08:32Yeah!
08:35Yeah!
08:37The spinning makes it worse!
08:57The spinning
09:22...
Comments