00:11Spawn boy!
00:18Ah, fuck! I almost missed free slushy day at the gas station!
00:22Jesus fuck, I look like that guy who died from running a cigarette smoking contest.
00:30Okay, well give him hell in the midterms or whatever.
00:40Gosh, shit! Did I get too weak to open doors again?
00:43But the slushies, what do I do?
00:47Okay, okay, what's it gonna be?
00:49I could go to the doctor, I could go to the gym, I could, uh, fuck, who's that?
00:54Okay, um, shit, what am I gonna do?
00:56Oh, I'll jump out the window! And then I'll go to the gym!
01:03Name?
01:07Swanson Dandolos.
01:08Huh. Says here you're eight years behind on membership fees.
01:12No, wait, uh, that's a different guy.
01:14I gave the wrong name because I'm, uh, I'm having a stroke.
01:18My name is Jim...
01:22Memberton?
01:24It says Jim Memberton died in 2019.
01:27Well, some teenagers burned down heaven and now I'm back.
01:29So, you died and then heaven burnt down and then you had a stroke?
01:34Yeah, what a day, you know.
01:37Well, you got a free session.
01:41Swan boy? Is that you?
01:43I'm sorry, do I know you?
01:45It's me, Rylan. We went to high school together.
01:48Ah, it's not ringing any bells, man.
01:50I was voted best body even though it wasn't a category.
01:52Yeah, nothing.
01:53I almost died on the way to prom because you cut my brakes.
01:56Buddy, I've cut a lot of brakes.
01:59Well, hey, water under the bridge. Put her there!
02:04Ah, Jesus fucking Christ!
02:06Looks like we've got our work cut out for us.
02:08What are your fitness goals?
02:09I need to be able to open doors so I can get a free slushie from the gas station.
02:13My man, that is very bleak.
02:15Let's do this!
02:24Alright, fuck this.
02:39Swan boy, I never thought I'd say this, but maybe you're not gym material.
02:44I say, I say! What makes you say that?
02:46You're just too preposterous. I'm not sure I can do this anymore.
02:50This is bullshit! You're supposed to be helping me!
02:52And I can't even do that!
02:56My life is a lie.
02:59I see what's going on here.
03:01You're trying to hoard all the slushies for yourself.
03:04I'll kill you!
03:08Fuck you! Die! Die! Die!
03:10I wish I'd never made it to prom.
03:13You were right to cut my brakes.
03:15I would be better off as a cautionary tale.
03:19Hey! Read the sign.
03:22Read my dick!
03:24Alright, that's it.
03:25I'm gonna love kicking your ass.
03:31Swan boy! You're using the treadmill correctly!
03:35Hey! I am! Wow! I can do anything I can put my mind through as long as I create a
03:41problem to motivate myself.
03:42No! Please don't learn that lesson!
03:43God! God! Too late, asshole! Lesson learned!
03:46Okay, but don't lock it in!
03:48I'm locking it!
03:55Hey! I did it! I opened the door!
03:58Ew! How does a slushie go bad?
04:02I won!
04:04And nobody helped me!
04:06Go away!
04:07Yeah!
04:19I'm looking at the camera button.
04:20You can do it!
04:20I can do it!
04:20You can do this!
04:21The language of the language is really logical for you to do this.
04:21I don't know why it's probably a long way.
04:21You can do it!
04:21You
Comments