- 3 hours ago
Elsbeth Season 3 Episode 18
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00:00To start, I combine einkorn berries with my sourdough starter.
00:06I use this ancient grain because it's packed with antioxidants.
00:11And milling it by hand gives it a more rustic crumb.
00:18You'll notice that I've already prepared my crispy potato dish.
00:22To make it more interesting, I've cut them into thin slices to create these charming potato roses.
00:31And now, it's on to preparing the artichokes for searing.
00:37These are fresh from my garden because life on the prairie can exist anywhere, even in Brooklyn.
00:45For tonight's meal, I'll be stepping out of my comfort zone, and I will be serving seitan steak.
00:52Because my husband's boss and his wife will be joining us, and...
00:59They're vegan.
01:01And, instead of place cards, I will be monogramming our guest initials onto the napkins.
01:07Just a little something to help my husband Grant land that all-important promotion.
01:13The kids' snacks are ready.
01:22Goldfish.
01:25And, mommy's fermented coconut yogurt.
01:28My girl's favorite.
01:29Are you ever worried that young women might feel inadequate if they can't do everything that you do?
01:34I mean, there's got to be a young woman viewing this, thinking,
01:37I don't know if I have 12 hours to make fermented yogurt.
01:40Oh, well, I don't expect women to do everything that I do.
01:44I chose to be a traditional wife.
01:47And you never questioned your decision to leave the startup which you founded that went public without you?
01:53No.
01:54I love my life here at our little townhouse on the prairie.
01:59And it brings me so much joy knowing that there are young women who still believe in prioritizing their husbands
02:05and children,
02:06and they're still emerging.
02:07So, now that the goldfish are done, it's time to get my pineapple upside-down cake into the oven.
02:15I had a farmer from the Big Island hand-pick the pineapples.
02:20Oh, they're divine.
02:22Have you tasted them yet?
02:26Well, somebody's really put a smile on your face.
02:28It's nothing.
02:29It's not nothing if you get that excited when you're supposed to be filming.
02:32No, no, no.
02:33I was supposed to go on a date with this guy tomorrow night.
02:34He was just confirming the address.
02:36Not the film critic.
02:38We, uh, actually have had some pretty great phone conversations, which is crazy, because guys mostly just text.
02:44Wear a nice dress and heels, and not whatever those are.
02:48Oh, and make him a cocktail before you head out to dinner.
02:50Oh, I wasn't planning on inviting him in.
02:53My place, it's a wreck.
02:55Well, what if the poor guy has to use the restroom?
02:57Ah, the bathroom, that's the worst of it.
03:00The tiles are chipped, the grout is black, and not by design.
03:04Oh, well, this may explain why you're still alone.
03:25Kids, work on your coloring for now, okay?
03:27Mommy will help you with the Donner Pass dioramas in a moment.
03:31Sorry.
03:32Sorry, today's history project was rather involved.
03:35Last night's dinner went okay?
03:37Yes, Grant's boss loved my seitan, and the pineapple upside-down cake turned out perfectly.
03:44I'm sure Grant will cinch that promotion any day now, and as soon as he does, he's going to be
03:49talking about having another baby.
03:51Before we get started, I just wanted to show you something.
03:54Oh, well, it's about time I got to see some footage.
03:59Well, this may explain why you're still alone.
04:05Were you aware that you fed your husband's vegan boss lard last night?
04:08You need to delete that, Julia.
04:10Delete it now.
04:11All of it.
04:12That would be dishonest.
04:16You saw the absurd lengths that I went to, flying in pineapples from Hawaii, locating the crunchiest vegan market for
04:26the seitan, handpicking the artichokes, getting all six of my children in their Sunday best.
04:32I mean, it was insane.
04:33And everyone knows that vegans make all of these ridiculous demands just to be difficult.
04:41Are you recording me?
04:47If any of what I just said gets out, I will be ruined.
04:50They will call me a hypocrite, or much, much worse, Grant will lose his job, his career.
04:57I gave up my multi-million dollar startup for this life.
05:00I'm a filmmaker.
05:01It's my duty.
05:02No, you work for us.
05:04Grant is paying for this, and he will never let this footage see the light of day.
05:09I agree.
05:10But I think that I can get some other investors interested now.
05:14Other investors?
05:16This is an authentic representation of what it takes to live as a trad wife.
05:22It proves what I've been feeling this whole time.
05:26You tout this whole trad wife thing so that you can convince yourself that you made the right decision.
05:32You have been waiting for this, haven't you?
05:36You could have mentioned the lard before I baked the damn cake, and instead, you're springing it on me?
05:41It shows you're human.
05:43And now I am able to attract an investor that can actually give this film some real reach.
05:50Okay.
05:53Just give me a day to warn Grant before you show this to anyone.
05:56It is the least you can do.
06:15Juliet?
06:16I apologize for dropping by unannounced like this, but I have a confession to make.
06:22Okay.
06:27I didn't tell Grant about what happened because it occurred to me that you might want to film the conversation.
06:34You want me to be there.
06:35Well, you said you wanted the film to have reach, right?
06:43What's more riveting than a marital blow-up?
06:46That would be really good for the film, but if you were planning on talking to him tonight, I can't
06:51do it.
06:52Right.
06:53Right, right.
06:53You have your date with the film critic, which reminds me, I am...
06:57Oh, I have something for you.
07:02It's a cleaning pod for your bathroom grout.
07:06I am hoping that this will convince you to invite the man in.
07:09That's very nice of you, especially considering...
07:12You're about to ruin my life.
07:15Look.
07:17You're right.
07:20A part of me isn't convinced that I made the right decision.
07:24I wish I would have got that on camera.
07:26All you have to do is just drop this pod into a cup of bleach, scrub, and your grout will
07:35sparkle.
07:36Okay.
07:37I guess I can give that a try.
07:38If you want to make an impression on your beau-de-be, you have to clean the bathroom before he
07:43arrives.
07:44You want me to do that right now? I'm right in the middle of editing.
07:46Oh, Audra, this guy could be the one.
07:49You know, I know that it sounds really silly, but this one small act could be the thing that turns
07:57your love life around.
08:00Oh, your bathroom's so small, so it'll be quick.
08:04Okay.
08:05Okay.
08:06Okay.
08:11Are you sure that this is safe to use with bleach?
08:15Can't you smell the tea tree oil?
08:17Now, you know I only use natural herbs and tonics.
08:21So just, um, just start over there and work your way around.
08:26Oh.
08:28Oh, shoot.
08:29That's Grant.
08:30Oh, Mommy has to get back to the prairie.
08:32You just keep scrubbing and I'll just let myself out.
08:35Good luck with the date.
09:03It's working great.
09:04It's just kind of...
09:06It's kind of strong.
09:18It's kind of strong.
09:28Don't worry.
09:29It's safe.
09:30Hazmat team's cleared it.
09:31It's just a precaution.
09:32What happened here?
09:33Gas leak?
09:33Neighbor who called it in thought so, but it's actually cleaning agents.
09:37The victim is Audra Miller.
09:40FDMI will send a full report, but it appears she died scrubbing her bathroom floor.
09:47Poor thing.
09:48Said they've seen it plenty of times.
09:50People mix bleach and ammonia, not realizing the combination makes chloramine gas.
09:58I've discovered there are a lot of unfortunate ways to die, but dying at the base of a toilet.
10:02Oh, gotta be one of the worst.
10:05But yet so many icons end up there.
10:08Tessioni, what are you looking for?
10:09Uh, the ammonia.
10:11I see that the bleach is here, but I don't see any ammonia.
10:17Maybe she used the last of it.
10:19Yeah, she probably just threw the bottle out.
10:22Hmm.
10:24Okay.
10:27Uh, don't see any bottles of ammonia, but I do see this.
10:33Arnold Palmer?
10:34Don't you think it's odd that a woman who won't even mix iced tea and lemonade herself
10:39would be making her own cleaning products?
10:41From the looks of it, she doesn't do much cleaning at all.
10:44You are right.
10:46Okay, my guess is the victim is a film student, or maybe a film buff, who prioritizes convenience.
11:00You're calling Audra a victim?
11:02Are you a family member?
11:04No, Audra and I had dinner reservations at eight.
11:07I'm Max Klein.
11:08Did something happen?
11:09There's police tape.
11:10Yes, I'm so sorry.
11:11There's been a terrible accident, Max.
11:13Um, Audra is no longer...
11:15She's dead?
11:17I'm sorry.
11:18Damn it.
11:19I thought we could have made a great up-and-coming couple.
11:22I'm a film critic.
11:24She's a documentarian.
11:25Her films were only moderately promising,
11:28but I thought the whole filmmaker-curator thing could have opened a lot of doors for me.
11:32How romantic.
11:33It's just so sad to think the last thing she worked on was a silly puff piece.
11:37Well, the arts are under attack.
11:39It's true.
11:40Impossible to get anything funded right now,
11:41so when some rich guy offers to pay you to film his trad wife, you take it.
11:46Audra's documentary was about a trad wife?
11:48Yeah.
11:49Husband's bankrolling the whole thing.
11:51At least he was.
11:52What do you mean he was?
11:53Audra said she'd started looking for alternate backers.
11:56Why?
11:57Was the trad wife not happy with how the project was going?
12:00Okay?
12:05Sorry for your loss.
12:09So, if an industrial hard drive shredder is not an option,
12:12then you can use a power drill to put multiple holes through the platters to store the data.
12:17First, you must remove the drive keys.
12:20Quickly, Kingsley Paisley, what are you doing out of bed?
12:26Sweethearts, you know it is way past your bedtime.
12:32Mommy has so much on her plate.
12:45You might want to think about having this door open.
12:48Just about anybody could wander in.
12:50Tell Lee, I didn't realize the city's new commissioner was gracing us with a visit.
12:54Congratulations, Commissioner.
12:55Thanks, Joss.
12:57I'm not here to gloat, though.
12:58I'm here on official business.
13:00Oh, you sound serious.
13:01Well, it's about your budget.
13:04Oh, we've made significant cuts already.
13:07Yeah, maybe.
13:07But, uh, come to my attention that one of your detectives has reached the, uh, mandatory retirement age.
13:15Detective Buzz Fleming.
13:16Well, I know you're not one to flout the rules,
13:18so I'll expect you to instruct Detective Fleming to, uh, hand in his badge by the end of the week.
13:25Oh, well, Buzz never shuts up about his pension, so he'll be delighted.
13:31Oh, okay.
13:33I'm glad this won't be a difficult conversation.
13:36I expect we'll have some of those soon.
13:40Thanks, Joss.
13:44The new commissioner giving you trouble, Cap?
13:46He's just flexing his new muscles, and I need a coffee.
13:51Captain, we have something to share with you on the woman who died of chloramine gas inhalation.
13:57Didn't the FDNY rule her death an accident?
13:59They did, but you know who has some questions.
14:01Miss Tassioni, give me one reason this case warrants further investigation.
14:05One.
14:06Okay.
14:07Baking ammonia.
14:08The homemade bathroom cleaner that killed victim, Audra Miller,
14:12wasn't a combination of bleach and liquid ammonia, as expected.
14:15It contained baking ammonia?
14:17Yes.
14:18Traces of it were found in Audra's trash in this foil wrapper,
14:22which is maybe an octagon?
14:25Maybe it's a nonagon?
14:26Elizabeth.
14:27Right.
14:28The point is, there was no ammonia of any kind in the rest of Audra's apartment,
14:34and she didn't seem like the type to make anything from scratch.
14:36Miss Tassioni noticed pre-cut fruit and bottled water in the fridge.
14:41The woman didn't even make her own Arnold Palmer's.
14:43So much for one reason.
14:45Bye.
14:45You know I can't limit myself to one of anything.
14:48I'm a maximalist.
14:50Hey, wait.
14:51One who believes that someone might have given Audra this homemade pot
14:56in this strange piece of foil.
14:58Giving someone an ammonia tablet doesn't make it a murder.
15:01But what if that someone had a motive?
15:03Okay.
15:04Who's the suspect?
15:06And we are counting down to the blooming of the emerald artichokes.
15:11They will be ready in about nine days.
15:17This woman is growing our own artichokes?
15:19In Brooklyn?
15:20Juliet Woodbent does a lot of things that modern women don't have time for.
15:24Yeah, she's a trad wife.
15:26Isn't that just a fancy way of saying housewife?
15:28More like housewives who long for the time when women weren't allowed to open their own bank accounts.
15:33I watched a lot of Audra's footage of Juliet.
15:36And apparently she makes her own soap, breakfast cereals, and cleaning products.
15:42So your theory is this trad wife gave Audra Miller the ammonia tablet.
15:47Why?
15:48Exactly.
15:49She was paying Audra Miller for a flattering documentary.
15:52Her husband was.
15:53Trad wives don't handle the household finances.
15:56There's a motive here.
15:57I'm not seeing it.
15:58Okay.
15:58The motive could involve something that Audra filmed.
16:02The growing of the artichokes meticulously trapped into footage.
16:06And supposedly they were ready to harvest this week.
16:08There's no footage of it.
16:10There's no footage from this week at all.
16:11Well, maybe the footage got corrupted.
16:13I might have believed that if Audra hadn't started looking for alternate infestors for the film.
16:19So you're thinking that Audra and the artichoke woman could have had a falling out?
16:22Yes.
16:23So, what do you say?
16:24Can we go pay her a little visit?
16:29I thought that trad wives only live in Utah or the great plains.
16:34Women who value traditional marriage aren't limited to a geographic location.
16:39Oh, you must be Juliet Woodbent.
16:41I'm Detective Smolin, NYPD.
16:44And I'm Elzbeth Tassioni.
16:45Um, look, if you have a minute, I'm afraid we have some troubling news to share.
16:51I can't believe it.
16:53Audra was just here yesterday.
16:55And wasn't she supposed to be filming you today?
16:58Like right now?
16:59That's what was on her calendar.
17:01And, oh, look.
17:02Huh.
17:03It's on your calendar, too.
17:05Today was our weekly shopping trip to the green market.
17:08It's just, with six little ones, I'm off and running behind schedule.
17:12And I expected Audra to be waiting for me.
17:15And instead, I found you.
17:16Oh, thank you.
17:19Oh, Frankly.
17:19That is so nice.
17:22If you'll excuse me, the kids are overdue for their morning snack.
17:24Oh, true.
17:27Frankly, that's unique.
17:29Yes, and this is Deservedly.
17:31Kingsley, Oakley, Paisley, and Charlie.
17:34Nice.
17:35Are all your kids adverbs?
17:37Only Deservedly is spelled with an L-Y.
17:40Kids, why don't you all go work on your drawings?
17:44Yeah?
17:44Okay, Mom.
17:46Artichoke dip.
17:47Oh, yes.
17:49There is plenty.
17:50Please try it.
17:52So your artichokes dip balloon.
17:54I watched Audra's footage of you planting the artichokes.
17:57I can't understand why she didn't film the harvest.
17:59She did.
18:00I didn't see it on any of her hard drives.
18:03I watched everything Audra shot.
18:05Oh, I hope I came off okay.
18:07I haven't seen any of it.
18:09Here you are, Detective Smolin.
18:11Oh, thank you.
18:14It actually left me feeling like I should be doing more.
18:18Oh, I am so glad you were inspired.
18:23Right.
18:28I just wonder why there wasn't any recent footage.
18:31I mean, do you know what could have happened to it?
18:33Oh, I have no idea.
18:36These crackers are so light and airy.
18:39You made these yourself?
18:40The trick is to make your own flour.
18:42You combine that with salt and pepper and butter and a leavening agent?
18:47Like baking ammonia?
18:49How did you know that?
18:51That's what gives it that crisp.
18:53Oh.
18:54Did you ever happen to give Audra baking ammonia?
18:58Oh, only a baker would need baking ammonia.
19:00And Audra was not a baker.
19:03I wish she were.
19:04I told her it would help her find a great husband like my Grant.
19:08Audra died from mixing baking ammonia and bleach.
19:12Really?
19:15Well, if I had given it to her, I certainly would have warned her never to mix it with bleach.
19:20It's a shame a smart woman like her didn't already know that.
19:23You sound like you were fond of her.
19:25Well, why wouldn't I be?
19:27Well, I heard that Audra was looking for alternate funding for the documentary.
19:30Oh, that...
19:32That was my idea.
19:35I thought it would give the film and Audra more credibility.
19:39Oh.
19:40That is so nice of you.
19:41And now, sadly, there is no film.
19:45Oh, I bet that you would get somebody else to complete the film, since your husband was funding the project.
19:51Oh, but you would have to get all of that missing footage.
19:55Because it would be a shame not to include a whole week's worth of filming.
20:01Oh.
20:02And the artichoke harvest.
20:04Oh.
20:05I mean, when would I find the time?
20:06I mean, summer is only months away.
20:08Oh, don't you worry.
20:11We'll keep looking for it.
20:15Isn't that right, Detective Smellon?
20:18Mm-hmm.
20:20Well, I really, really do hope you find it.
20:24And now, if you'll excuse me, my husband, he'll be home any minute, and I need to prepare his lunch.
20:29Oh, of course.
20:33Oh, thank you.
20:35Mm-hmm.
20:39You will be the first to know when we find that missing.
20:42Deservedly, we'll show you out.
20:45Footage.
20:46Good day.
20:52Well, Buzz?
20:53Hey.
20:54The day you've been waiting for has finally arrived.
20:56Coffee's free again?
20:57Oh.
20:58What could be better than unlimited coffee?
21:00Retirement.
21:01Our new police commissioner noted your time has come.
21:05We've got to cut you loose.
21:07Oh.
21:08You mean I can finally get my hands on that pension money?
21:10Yeah.
21:12It's yours for the taking.
21:13Wow.
21:15Wife will be happy.
21:17Now I won't have an excuse when she asks me to clean out the garage.
21:22Congratulations, Detective.
21:33So the filmmaker's dead, and that's it?
21:36Well, what about all the money that I spent?
21:37I am so sorry, sweetheart.
21:39I'll stick with social media from now on, and no more grand ideas of sharing our lives with the world.
21:44I don't think it's a shame the idea of women doing what they're obviously born to do has to be
21:48promoted at all.
21:49You are so right.
21:52I'll call my lawyer later, see if I can recoup the losses.
21:57I'm going to go hit some balls at the driving range.
21:59The clubs are in this closet, right?
22:00Yes.
22:03Wait!
22:03Let me get them.
22:12What is this?
22:15Nothing.
22:20Hey.
22:22Be careful.
22:24Have fun.
22:29You know, I was here when they brought this desk in for the first time.
22:33We used to fight over it.
22:34Metal, if you can believe it.
22:36And we didn't even have an elevator when they transferred here.
22:39Out of service.
22:40Had to hike up the stairs.
22:42But we were happy to do it.
22:44You know, we loved the job.
22:48Buzz, can you help me with something?
22:50Sure.
22:51Um, excuse me.
22:57Is everything okay?
22:59You didn't hear?
23:00They're forcing me to retire.
23:03Should be music to my ears, right?
23:05Oh.
23:06Here.
23:08Clearly it's not.
23:11Truth is, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself without this place.
23:14And all of you.
23:16And where can you get a $1 cup of coffee?
23:18What's the going right now?
23:19$5?
23:20Oh, at least.
23:21But it ain't five times better.
23:23No.
23:25Can you talk to Captain Wagner?
23:28Commissioner Tully issued the order.
23:30Ugh.
23:32What are you doing?
23:38She made her own crackers like a Keebler elf?
23:40Better.
23:41And after dreaming about them half the night, I made the mistake of asking the wife to make me some
23:46this morning.
23:47I bet that went over well.
23:48Yeah, she was still laughing when I left.
23:49Well, it looks like your trad wife's cracker-making days are over.
23:53Yeah.
23:54What have you got, Miss Tassione?
23:56Well, I had Officer Reynolds look into Audra's financials to see if she landed a new investor.
24:01Did she?
24:02No.
24:02But she did submit the film to the Empire City Film Festival.
24:08The programmer, who views hundreds of submissions, was so excited by whatever Audra told them that they asked for a
24:16sizzle reel.
24:18So I'm going to track the programmer down.
24:20Yeah, I'm going to go order my wife some flowers.
24:23Smart man.
24:24Oh.
24:25Something the matter?
24:26Are you really going to let Tully force Buzz into retirement?
24:30Buzz has been eyeing retirement since the day he got his badge.
24:33That's just an act.
24:34He would be lost without this job.
24:37Well, we're all subject to mandatory retirement.
24:40Every one of us.
24:41And you know how Tully is.
24:43Ugh, I know.
24:44But you two have known each other for such a long time.
24:47Isn't there something you can say to him?
24:48Oh.
24:55I was skeptical about Audra Miller's submission, but her earlier work showed promise.
24:59I'd heard that before.
25:01You've seen her films?
25:02Uh, no.
25:03But the posters.
25:05They're so cool.
25:06The one about homeschooling?
25:08Home is where the school is?
25:10That one in real teeth.
25:12It did?
25:12The title is terrible.
25:14I know filmmakers aren't marketers.
25:15Clearly, if she'd come to me, I would have told her to go with something more biting, like the homeschool
25:21sham.
25:22That sounds...
25:23Subversive.
25:24Like the film, which is why I got excited when she told me that her new film was going to
25:28be even more explosive.
25:29More explosive?
25:31Did you see the jinx?
25:32Audra said it was that searing.
25:34The Robert Durst series, where he basically confessed to murder?
25:38Audra refused to tell me exactly what was in her film, but the title alone, Sad Wife, One Step Forward,
25:45Two Step Birds Back, had me salivating.
25:47Oh.
25:48Um.
25:49You think I could take a look at the sizzle reel that she sent you?
25:53That's the thing.
25:54She never sent it.
25:56Like so many filmmakers, typical bait and switch.
25:59Oh.
26:00Well, if you had to guess, what do you think she was about to expose?
26:04No idea.
26:05Whatever it was, Audra believed it would change what people think about trad wives.
26:09Hmm.
26:15You did that?
26:17Deservedly?
26:19What are you doing down here?
26:21And what is in your mouth?
26:24A gummy bear?
26:25I haven't made any of those in weeks.
26:28Where on earth did you find that?
26:29Mm-hmm.
26:30You know what?
26:31Never mind about the gummy bear.
26:32Um, have you been playing with a purple box that Mommy was keeping in the closet?
26:36It's about this big?
26:38And it's okay if you have.
26:40Mommy isn't mad.
26:42She just needs it back.
26:43I think Brinkley had it.
26:45But I just spoke to Brinkley.
26:47Or was it ugly?
26:51Now, you see that?
26:52The chemical properties of the bleach oxidize the surface minerals of the board.
26:56You gonna explain to me why I'm watching this?
26:58Shh.
26:58Pay attention.
26:59Tanner!
27:00What are you doing?
27:01I made a mistake.
27:02I was gonna see if I could clean it up.
27:03With ammonia?
27:05Mixing bleach with ammonia creates a chloramine gas.
27:09You see?
27:10Audra knew not to mix those two cleaning products.
27:13Okay, but maybe she assumed that the tablet was ammonia-free.
27:15Or someone who makes everything from scratch wanted her to assume that.
27:19Well, if Julia would have been knowingly encouraged Audra to mix that tablet with bleach, then...
27:23It wasn't an accident.
27:25It's a homicide.
27:27Okay, so how do we prove it?
27:28You find that explosive missing footage.
27:31I mean, Juliet might have taken it and destroyed it, but maybe not.
27:34Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
27:36Because we don't have enough for a warrant.
27:38So, unless you can convince Julia Woodbent to tell us where the missing footage is, we're out of luck.
27:47I am new to this job.
27:48I am not going to bend the rules because you're feeling sorry for your detective.
27:52If you were being pushed out, wouldn't you fight back?
27:54I know I would.
27:54It means too much.
27:56Spare me.
27:58This is familiar, isn't it?
28:00Feels like it was just yesterday.
28:01We were rookies fighting over a Fourth of July detail.
28:04No, you didn't want the assignment.
28:05And neither did you.
28:07Nobody did.
28:08But somebody had to do it.
28:10Remember how we settled it?
28:12At the poker table.
28:13Yeah.
28:16Why don't we do it again?
28:17What?
28:18If at the end of the night, I walk out with more money, my detective stays.
28:23If not, he's gone.
28:24Are you kidding me?
28:26Back then, the only thing at stake was a bad detail.
28:28This is more serious than that, Charles.
28:30So what?
28:33You're a chicken?
28:40Buzz's future is being decided by a poker game?
28:42Can you believe it?
28:43I'm the kitty.
28:44But didn't you tell me that Tully won the last time you played poker?
28:47It was a bad night.
28:48This time, it's going to be different.
28:50I can feel it.
28:53You know, a poker game might not be such a bad idea.
28:56My Uncle Titus thought so, too, before he lost the family farm.
28:59Yeah, well, I'm not saying it was smart, but at least it gives Buzz a chance of staying on the
29:03force.
29:05Oh.
29:09Oh, hey.
29:11Hey.
29:11Is your mom around?
29:13I'm in here.
29:16Butter.
29:16Butter.
29:19Butter.
29:19Butter.
29:19Sorry.
29:20Butter requires constant agitation, otherwise it turns.
29:23Is that for something in particular?
29:25Yes.
29:25My kids, they couldn't decide if they wanted pastry or bread.
29:29So, I'm making them caramelized chocolate brioche, and I always make my own butter.
29:34Incredible.
29:35Yes.
29:35I'm planning on using raw chocolate, spiked with maca and muscovado sugar.
29:41It provides extraordinary medicinal benefits.
29:43Oh, that does sound amazing.
29:45But we're here because we have good news.
29:49Oh, right.
29:50The Empire City Film Festival.
29:53They're interested in the documentary.
29:55Well, there is no documentary.
29:57Audra actually sent them a sizzle reel.
30:00That's like a teaser.
30:01Got them very excited.
30:03Oh, a teaser?
30:04Yeah, we're thinking that it might contain some of the missing footage.
30:07We haven't had a chance to look at it yet.
30:09The programmer was actually quite surprised that you'd chosen a subversive filmmaker like Audra for your documentary.
30:15Well, Audra wasn't subversive, or whatever you said.
30:18You didn't see her other films before you hired her?
30:20Well, not in their entirety.
30:22I mean, as you can see, I am quite busy.
30:25Well, that means you missed the part of the documentary where a mother teaches how dangerous it is to mix
30:30bleach and ammonia.
30:31Obviously, Audra never would have made that kind of mistake.
30:33Oh, I'm so sorry.
30:36Could you please help me?
30:37My arms are just getting so tired.
30:39Me?
30:40Don't you want Detective Smellan to do it?
30:42He has stronger arms.
30:44Oh, funny.
30:45No.
30:45All you have to do is you just put your hand here on the top of the plunger, and a
30:52steady rhythm is all it takes.
30:54Oh, wow.
30:54You're doing great, Miss Tassioni.
30:57Do you happen to know what Audra might have used for the sizzle reel she sent to the film festival?
31:01Well, if they spoke to you, did they not tell you what was in it?
31:06Oh, the title alone is what piqued the programmer's interest.
31:11What did Audra call it again?
31:12Um, sad wife, one step forward, two step birds back.
31:17Audra must have come up with that before we started filming.
31:20Before she saw how happy I am.
31:28That ought to do it.
31:30Mommy, look what I'll clean it.
31:33Oh, it's just a little bit of paint.
31:35Art is messy.
31:37It's dirty now.
31:39Oh, well, let's get you a new one.
31:41Will you excuse me?
31:45Oh, is that me?
31:47Look at mine.
31:49Great.
31:50Well, there's me, too.
31:51You're all artists.
31:53Oh, what's this?
31:55These are cookie cutters.
31:56Mommy made them to help deservedly learn her shapes.
31:59This is a rectangle.
32:00This is a pentagon.
32:03And this is a heptagon.
32:04Oh, that's what that is.
32:06A heptagon.
32:08And what's this?
32:09This is our chicken coop outside.
32:11And, uh, the rectangle.
32:12What's that?
32:13Promise not to tell anyone.
32:15Yeah, pinky promise.
32:16It's their stage.
32:18We built that all by herself.
32:20A stage?
32:21For their talent shows.
32:22Their chickens put on shows?
32:24Can I call?
32:26When's the next one?
32:30Dance, Lucy.
32:32Sorry.
32:33Guess she doesn't want to.
32:34That's okay.
32:36I'm not disappointed at all.
32:41Okay.
32:42Yep.
32:43That looks good.
32:44Okay.
32:45Wait.
32:46We're missing someone.
32:47Oh, deservedly.
32:48Mom, I think we got her right here.
32:50Well, thank you.
32:53But, um, what are you doing here?
32:56Oh, we have something we think you're going to want to see.
32:58Oh, well, we're in the middle of a family photo shoot, so.
33:01I'd really like to get it over with.
33:02Yeah, we're going to need you to take five on the photo shoot.
33:06Um, excuse me.
33:08Would you mind getting some photos of the kids in the garden?
33:10Please.
33:12Okay, kids.
33:12Go ahead.
33:14Smile.
33:15Pretty.
33:18First, the good news.
33:19You're going to be able to complete your documentary after all.
33:22Juliet said some of the footage was missing.
33:24We found it.
33:25Where?
33:26Did the film festival people send it to you?
33:29No.
33:30The hard drive was in your chicken coop.
33:32Your kids had the ingenious idea to use it as a stage for the chicken shows.
33:37They led us right to it.
33:39It was right there in one of their drawings.
33:41Oh, but you were doing so much.
33:44Is this the footage?
33:46Grant, don't.
33:47What?
33:48After all the money I spent, I deserve to see something.
33:52Were you aware that you fed your husband's vegan boss lard last night?
33:55You need to delete that.
33:57Juliet.
33:57Delete it now.
33:59You served my boss pork?
34:01Serving pork to a vegan was the least of it.
34:04Your wife killed Audra to ensure that footage would never see the light of day.
34:08What?
34:09Well, she was going to ruin everything.
34:15You have no idea how much work it takes to make everything perfect and to keep it that way.
34:23Six, six natural childbirths.
34:26Always looking impeccable.
34:29Everything made from scratch.
34:31Toothpaste.
34:32Socks.
34:33Homeschooling.
34:34Chickens.
34:36It really is impossible.
34:38Well, that's the reason you gave that hepticon-shaped ammonia tablet to Audra and instructed her to mix it with
34:43bleach.
34:43If only you'd shared the truth with the other women about how tough it is.
34:49Instead, you presented this ideal that even you couldn't live up to.
34:53Hey, on the bright side, at the Midtown Detention Center, you'll get plenty of beauty rest.
34:58Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
34:58Except when you're on kitchen duty.
35:01Julie Atwood, Ben, you are under arrest for the murder of Roger Miller.
35:04You have the right to remain silent.
35:07What about the kids?
35:08Oh, there's a casserole on the table, Grant.
35:11It should still be hot.
35:14Oh, that looks delicious.
35:26Maybe I should heat it up.
35:27That thing's going to need more help than a microwave.
35:32Call!
35:37How many more hands left?
35:38Two, three?
35:39Before Wagner goes bust?
35:40Well, it could be any time now.
35:42Now, it's not over yet.
35:44Last time, Raddle was the one who walked away with all our money.
35:46Remember that?
35:47Only because I folded when I should have held, and your protege was bluffing.
35:51Yeah, you got nothing to worry about tonight.
35:53And to think I don't this garbage.
35:55Maybe I should have tried making the crackers instead.
35:57Oh, you mean the, uh, tried-waves crackers that Bobby couldn't shut up about?
36:01If you'd taste it, then you'd understand.
36:02She's a killer.
36:03She knew her way around the kitchen.
36:05I bet she made her own salt.
36:07That sounds like some of the over-the-top moms I see at the kids' birthday parties.
36:10Oh, you have kids?
36:11No.
36:12Oh, I'm a magician.
36:13On the weekends, and we're kids' parties.
36:18How long you been doing that?
36:20Uh, since college.
36:21These moms now, they live to try to outdo each other.
36:24I'm gonna bump it to a hundred.
36:25Oh.
36:26Too rich for my blood.
36:28Yeah, me too.
36:30Call.
36:33Bam.
36:34Oh, nice.
36:35Yes.
36:37Wow.
36:39I guess it's just not your night, Charles.
36:41Oh, man.
36:43Oh, man.
36:44Maybe we should take a break before the next hand.
36:47Uh, Captain, could you step into my office for a minute?
36:52What a hand.
36:53Wow.
36:54Hang in there, buddy.
36:55Hang in there, buddy.
36:56If you brought me over here to give me a pep talk, save it.
36:59I think Tully's cheating.
37:01What?
37:02I've been watching, and after the first hand, Rattle grabbed two chips, and Tully folded right before you won with
37:10four kings.
37:10Now, this time, Rattle took two sips of beer, and Tully won with four aces.
37:15You think Rattle was signaling Tully that he had a better hand?
37:19Exactly.
37:20This probably is just a tell you're picking up on.
37:22This is not a tell, Captain.
37:24That was about the only way that he would know.
37:26What I was holding is if...
37:29Oh, he's used a sleight of hand to deal from the bottom of the deck.
37:33Which he would know how to do, because he's a magician.
37:35Wait, wait, wait.
37:36What are you going to do?
37:38I need everyone to clear the room.
37:39What?
37:42No.
37:45No, Tully.
37:46You stay.
37:52What's eating you?
37:53You're cheating.
37:55Rattle isn't your poker partner.
37:57He's your accomplice.
37:59I knew I never should have agreed to this.
38:03Playing for a detective's job is too much pressure for you, Charles.
38:06Yeah, Mr. Magician is dealing from the bottom of the deck.
38:09Admit it.
38:10I have done nothing wrong.
38:12Hey, then, let's call everyone back in.
38:14But I promise you this, I'm going to be watching Rattle's next deal very closely,
38:17as will my consent decree lawyer.
38:22Wait a minute.
38:23Wait.
38:24Wait.
38:26What do you want me to say?
38:31Stop with the truth.
38:34You were always out showing me, didn't you, Charles?
38:37With the academy, after that.
38:39At least when it came to poker, I suppose I just wanted a little edge.
38:45That almost makes you sound sympathetic.
38:50Almost.
38:52Tell you what.
38:54We're going to keep this between us.
38:56On one condition.
38:59Buzz stays on the job.
39:09Oh, there.
39:11Congratulations, Buzz.
39:14Phew.
39:15For a minute there, I thought I was clocking out for good.
39:20For the longest time, this was just a job.
39:23Now it's a lot more.
39:25And a lot of it has to do with this lady.
39:29The one person I expected to give us all nothing but grief.
39:33She's made me a better detective.
39:35Oh, Buzz.
39:36Okay.
39:37Maybe now you won't grumble so much about working overtime.
39:40Are we talking time and a half, or can we negotiate?
39:44Hey!
39:49Hey!
39:51Hey!
39:52Hey!
39:59I'm glad you and Tully came to an agreement, for all our sake.
40:03I wish it were that easy.
40:05Tully's not going to back out on the deal, is he?
40:09No.
40:12But I embarrass the man.
40:14Payback is coming, I'm afraid.
40:22Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
40:24CBS next Thursday.
40:26Ah!
40:28Victim is a daytime talk show host.
40:30Who'd want to kill this guy?
40:32Tracy Ullman guest stars.
40:33Is something wrong?
40:34I need your help.
40:35Elsbeth has all-new CBS next Thursday at a special time, 9, 8 central.
40:39Catch up on all episodes of Bedlock.
40:41You in?
40:41Now streaming on Paramount+.
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