- 18 hours ago
Going Dutch - Season 2 - Episode 12: Natocean's Eleven Engsub
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:05Hey.
00:06Colonel, are you considering my suggestion
00:08to transfer to a different base?
00:10No, I just remembered that I left a knife behind the toilet.
00:13Oh, I found it when I was putting mine there.
00:15Come on in, I'll get it for you.
00:17Yeah, I just hate getting caught with my pants down,
00:20especially when my pants are down.
00:21Ah, thank you.
00:22I have a feeling you're here for more than a knife.
00:25I have ways of making you talk.
00:26Very nice, yeah.
00:28Oh, I like these glasses.
00:29Thanks.
00:30You know, I had a feeling you'd knock on my door.
00:33Really?
00:33Did you know that I am the first woman
00:36in the Canadian Army to see combat?
00:38I am.
00:39And the first woman to ever lead NATO.
00:41I know, NATO me, baby.
00:43But I will not be the first woman
00:45to fall for some half-assed sexual harassment trap.
00:48You're in my chain of command.
00:49Going any further could be cause for my dismissal.
00:52Okay, I had one card to play, and I played it, all right?
00:55Really?
00:55Because I found a brick of marijuana
00:56when I was hiding the pantry knife.
00:58Pantry knife.
01:00Everybody knows you don't hide a knife in the pantry.
01:02You hide a gun.
01:05What is this?
01:08Forget it, Scrap.
01:09She found the drugs we planted in.
01:11Bye.
01:19It's a vote of confidence that General Martin
01:21is letting me help mediate the situation between you two.
01:24Mediators.
01:25They're like the refs of real life,
01:26except they have no whistles, no power, and no purpose.
01:30You wanted me to work with Martin so that I can help, right?
01:33Mm-hmm.
01:33Well, you have got to meet me halfway.
01:35Colonel.
01:36I see you're still in my office.
01:38Our office.
01:39I would like to start by thanking you for this opportunity.
01:41I believe that we can find a fair solution today.
01:45That doesn't involve a sex trap?
01:46You're lost.
01:47I am willing to offer a few fair solutions.
01:50Number one, we could transfer him to a different army base,
01:52or he can continue to work here under my command,
01:55but with minimal contact.
01:57I prepare what I consider to be a very reasonable counteroffer.
02:01No, I can't.
02:03I...
02:03You could just get...
02:04No.
02:10Go back to hell, you succubus demon.
02:12Is it too much to ask for her to hold the crucifix
02:14and just see if it burns?
02:15Oh, my...
02:16You know what?
02:16I've changed my mind.
02:18Did you move the tape?
02:19Yes, you did, because that's my heart medication.
02:21Hmm, what's it for?
02:23Growing a heart?
02:24You're such a baby.
02:25I'm the baby?
02:25You're the baby.
02:26You are being a baby.
02:27I'm not the...
02:28Cheapy baby.
02:32Dumbest hats in NATO.
02:34Italy.
02:35Yeah, it's giving Peter Pan,
02:36but Britain literally has a feather in their cap.
02:38I'm supposed to take you serious.
02:39I like the feathers in the caps.
02:41Shut up, Gideon.
02:42That's not the stance we've taken.
02:43I was just kidding.
02:44Uh, have you guys seen Shaw around?
02:46Yeah, the colonel has him working part-time
02:48because he's still in denial about his retirement.
02:49Yeah, I really need to talk to him
02:51because I haven't seen him since, um,
02:55since the breakup.
02:56Girl, just saying.
02:57Okay, since the breakup.
02:59I mean, between the divorce and the retirement,
03:02the man is having a well-earned midlife crisis.
03:04Mahalo!
03:05Who wants scratch-offs?
03:07There you go.
03:08Love that feather.
03:09What's up, pool bros?
03:10How you guys doing, scratch-offs?
03:12Get your money.
03:12There we go.
03:13Scratch-offs.
03:14Oh, scratch-offs!
03:14I didn't get any.
03:17Maggie?
03:19Abe?
03:20Actually, while I'm waiting for my DD-214,
03:22I've entered this new phase of my life called freedom.
03:25So I'm going by A.B.
03:26It's a little nickname I'm trying out.
03:29Is that a soul patch?
03:30Mm-hmm.
03:30I love A.B.
03:31He's, like, a thousand times more awesome than the Major.
03:34Hey, Maggie, you should dump Gideon next.
03:37Maybe he'll finally be cool.
03:38I'd love that.
03:40Uh, look, Abe, uh, A.B., I've been thinking about it a lot,
03:45and I'm ready to talk.
03:46So maybe you guys could give us a...
03:49Yeah, you know what?
03:49We should leave these nice people to their drama.
03:52Hey, hey, hey, no need, no need,
03:53because there is no drama.
03:55We're copacetic.
03:55We are good.
03:56We're so good.
03:57We're all good.
03:58You're good.
03:58I'm good.
03:59You're good.
04:00You're good.
04:00What's up?
04:01What's up?
04:01Am I good?
04:02Mm, you're good.
04:02Cool.
04:03Okay.
04:04Uh, what is happening?
04:06Because, you know, you've been retired for a week.
04:09Yeah, but when I do something, I go all in.
04:12I checked out, like, 40 books from the library,
04:14all about the rules of freedom.
04:15I even watched the Matthew McConaughey Masterclass,
04:17and he helped me realize
04:18that everything is gonna be all right.
04:23All right.
04:25All right.
04:26All right.
04:26Now you're getting it.
04:27Okay.
04:31Specialist Gideon, have you cleaned my battle tank before?
04:33No, but I'm excited.
04:35Okay, listen, the military uses a very highly toxic fluid,
04:38so don't let it get on your skin.
04:39He goes, well, could kill you.
04:42Hey, wait a minute.
04:43Where's my tank?
04:45What?
04:46Where is it?
04:48Sir, the highly toxic fluid is melting my shoes.
04:51Shh.
04:52I'm trying to hear the alarm.
04:53Will you help me put my mask on?
04:54Too late for that.
04:55I gotta find my tank.
04:57Oh, man, that's going through fast.
05:00Where's my beautiful tank?
05:01Where is Rosalita?
05:03You mean my new compressed metal nightstand?
05:06You know what?
05:07Cube up everything I love.
05:08What about your people?
05:09Because I just found 200 fake handbags
05:11that I'm eager to talk to Sergeant Conway about,
05:14and I realized Corporal Papadakis
05:16has personal grooming that does not fit Army protocol,
05:19and I might have to take a razor to that head of his.
05:22Well, it's not really necessary.
05:23Papadakis believes that his mustache is a Samson situation.
05:26You know, like, his IT skills come from
05:28the 11 hairs on his lip.
05:30That's up to your father.
05:31You see, tomorrow, the NATO selection board
05:33is going to rubber stamp me as the new head of this base,
05:35and I'm going to have to make
05:36some really tough personnel decisions.
05:39No, no, not the fluid to be taught!
05:41Oh, they're taking it away?
05:43I need a compressed nightstand
05:44for the other side of my bed.
05:46Turtle!
05:47Bring the turtle!
05:50Hey.
05:50Hey.
05:52Listen, I have a plan.
05:53Are you making Molotov cocktails?
05:55Technically, they're not Molotov cocktails,
05:57unless you light them.
05:58And I am going to light them,
06:00so, yeah, technically, I guess they are.
06:02Okay, just...
06:03I was wrong.
06:04There is no meeting Martin in the middle.
06:06I know.
06:07So, if we want to take Stroopstorf back,
06:09we're going to have to fight fire with fire.
06:10Right.
06:12Metaphorical fire.
06:12Real fire is so much better.
06:14Dad, all I have asked of you,
06:16since you've come to this base,
06:18is to trust me.
06:19Okay, so can you do that for once?
06:21Can you just trust me?
06:22Okay.
06:23Okay.
06:23So, in Brussels,
06:25the NATO selection committee is meeting...
06:27It's everything I hate in one sentence.
06:30Okay, go ahead.
06:31While you were making Molotov cocktails,
06:33I was making lanyards.
06:37Oh.
06:38Because if we can't beat them,
06:40you are going to join them.
06:46You know, it is such an honor
06:47to be in the running
06:48to lead NATO's newest base,
06:50even if I'm the only candidate.
06:53Actually, so, of this morning,
06:55there is another one.
06:57Maybe you knew him.
06:58I mean, I think I'm the perfect person
07:00to run your peacekeeping force
07:01because I've used force
07:02to keep the peace for so long.
07:05What do you do when you hate peace?
07:07I love peace now.
07:08I've come around
07:08because I realize how I can use it
07:10to destroy my enemies.
07:12Peace out.
07:20What I want to know is
07:22who selects the selection board
07:24because you guys clean up great.
07:26You guys are looking awesome.
07:28This wasn't your father's idea, Major.
07:31You did this.
07:33Couldn't let you fire my friends.
07:35Well, when I get the job,
07:37it'll be bad for you, your buddies,
07:39and whatever yawn is to you.
07:41A work compatriot
07:43who I've accidentally seen naked four times.
07:45Oh.
07:46And, uh, you have to get the job first.
07:52Look at him.
07:53He's already self-destructing.
07:55But look at the bright side.
07:56I mean, nuclear winter means more ice time
07:58for all the hockey players from Finland.
08:00You guys can take over
08:02the National Hockey League.
08:04Guys.
08:11Okay, party gang.
08:12A round of blue zombies
08:13to usher in your freedom.
08:15Hey!
08:16Okay.
08:16Nothing for the good life.
08:19You know, these are kind of my thing now.
08:20Rum and food coloring,
08:22they look like Windex,
08:23but they taste...
08:26like Windex.
08:27That's gone very, very bad.
08:28But it doesn't matter
08:29because I got nothing ahead of me today
08:32except...
08:32nothing.
08:34There you guys are.
08:35What are you doing?
08:36There's, like, no time.
08:37General Martin is going to get rid
08:38of everybody on the base
08:40when she takes it over.
08:41What?
08:41Who is General Martin?
08:42But I have a plan.
08:43Just need your help.
08:44Of course, A.B.,
08:46you probably can't come
08:47because you'll be manifesting relaxation
08:49on a meditation nap.
08:51Sam Elliott voices a bear
08:52called Sleepyboo
08:53that helps you take a nap in your mind.
08:54Fine.
08:55Yeah.
08:55And, uh, for the rest of you,
08:57I will walk you through the plan
08:57on the way there.
08:58All right.
08:59Hey, hey, hey, hey,
09:00just curious.
09:01Have you fully thought up
09:02the logistics and possible variations
09:03of this plan?
09:04Why?
09:05Do you maybe want to join us
09:06for one last mission?
09:08Maybe.
09:09On the day of my retirement?
09:10If movies have taught me anything,
09:12that's when I'm most likely to be shot.
09:14So, I'm in.
09:16All right.
09:18Ooh.
09:19Ooh.
09:19Didn't look like you needed that.
09:20I didn't,
09:21and I have an immediate headache.
09:22Okay, let's go.
09:23Okay.
09:23Uh, hey.
09:24Yeah.
09:24By step one of the plan,
09:26get rid of that.
09:28Oh, too sexy?
09:28No.
09:35Where have you been?
09:36I've been pretending to be
09:37Mr. Nice Guy
09:38for, like, the last 45 minutes.
09:39I was getting reinforcements.
09:51All right, team.
09:52Here's the plan.
09:53So, every candidate has been asked
09:55to give a presentation
09:56outlining how they would lead
09:58the new NATO base.
09:59Papadakis,
10:00I need your hacking skills.
10:02War.
10:04Oh, it's coming.
10:05Which is why
10:06we here at NATO
10:08believe Stroopstorff
10:09is essential
10:10to our...
10:12Um, no.
10:14Um, I did not use
10:16Comic Sans as a font.
10:19Okay, this is my presentation,
10:20but a lot sillier.
10:22Disrespectful.
10:23Just look at the content,
10:24not the delivery.
10:27Who attacked me?
10:30Conway,
10:30the chairman loves wine,
10:32so you need to get him
10:33something expensive
10:33and impossible to find.
10:35Chairman Muller,
10:36I hope you're a fan of Beaujolais,
10:38because if you are,
10:39I've got a bottle so old,
10:40Jesus turned it into wine himself.
10:43Yeah, it's fine.
10:44Oh, thank you.
10:47The colonel is way less prepared,
10:49so his presentation
10:50has to just be old war stories.
10:52Shaw, help him pick a winner.
10:54The other two caves?
10:55That's too angry.
10:56How about the, uh,
10:57IED in the moped?
10:58Too problematic and angry.
11:00Why are all my stories too angry?
11:01I don't know.
11:02Maybe nature and nurture.
11:03Hey,
11:04what about the hoodless gangsters?
11:06Oh, that's a good one.
11:06That's a good one.
11:07Yeah, right?
11:08So,
11:09we're about to breach, right?
11:11And, uh,
11:12oh, you hear all these insurgents
11:13yelling and screaming inside,
11:15so we knock the door down.
11:16Guess what they're doing?
11:17They're watching
11:18The Sopranos finale.
11:24I had a 60-minute PowerPoint
11:25and a recommendation letter
11:26written by Boutrous Boutrous Ghali
11:28on his deathbed,
11:29but
11:30whatever.
11:32Well, Mags,
11:33this was a great plan,
11:34but I can't wait
11:34to get my base back
11:36so I never have to talk
11:37to these NATO dorks
11:38ever again.
11:39Right?
11:40Yeah.
11:40Yeah.
11:41Totally.
11:42He knows that if he gets the job,
11:43he's gonna have to deal with them
11:44all the time.
11:44Yeah, no,
11:45I don't think he listened
11:45to my whole plan.
11:47He's not a good listener.
11:48Well,
11:48whether or not he's listening to me,
11:49at least he's trusting me.
11:51Well,
11:51finally.
11:52He's gotta trust someone,
11:53right?
11:54Now that you're, uh,
11:55you're leaving?
11:59I have an announcement to make.
12:01The selection board is split,
12:04so we are asking
12:05for a final statement
12:06from each candidate.
12:10Follow me.
12:11I'm a little drunk.
12:22General Martin,
12:23we will start
12:24with your statement.
12:27Thank you, Chairman Mueller.
12:29You all know me.
12:31You know my work.
12:33Therefore,
12:33I've decided to
12:34yield my time
12:36to someone
12:37who knows
12:37both myself
12:38and the colonel
12:40very well.
12:44Surprise witness!
12:45We should crush
12:46more bureaucratic meetings.
12:47Are they all like this?
12:50I'm General Gerald Davidson,
12:52and as Colonel Quinn's CEO,
12:54I have unique insights
12:56into his qualifications.
12:58I'm sorry to say
12:59to the board
12:59that all of you
13:01have been duped.
13:03Duped by Colonel Quinn
13:04and his band
13:05of merry morons
13:07who have hacked
13:08and schemed their way
13:09into this selection process.
13:11but you don't have to take it
13:13from me.
13:14It's best you hear it
13:15directly from his soldiers.
13:17Sergeant Conway,
13:19Corporal Papadakis,
13:20won't you join us?
13:22Okay.
13:23Okay.
13:24Hey, everybody.
13:25Should have gone with the firebombing.
13:32Sergeant Conway,
13:33before Colonel Quinn
13:35came to Struppsdorf,
13:36you often used
13:37military resources
13:38to transport
13:39unauthorized items
13:40in violation
13:41of Army code.
13:43But,
13:44Colonel Quinn
13:45put a stop to that.
13:46Correct?
13:47The colonel
13:48is not aware
13:48of all of my operations.
13:50Okay,
13:51that makes the colonel
13:51sound bad.
13:52Corporal Papadakis,
13:53has Colonel Quinn
13:55ever asked you
13:56to cut your hair?
13:58Uh, yeah.
13:59I once woke up
14:01in the middle of the night
14:02and he was hovering
14:03over me with scissors.
14:05But I cried
14:06and he left me alone.
14:08And what consequences
14:09did you face
14:10for your insubordination?
14:11Well,
14:12one of the consequences
14:13of having hair like this
14:14is I can't
14:15online date
14:16because my inbox
14:17frickin' crashes.
14:19What's up,
14:19North Macedonia?
14:21You are both dismissed.
14:23Sorry.
14:24The only officer
14:26of quality
14:26that I have ever seen
14:28associate with Colonel Quinn
14:29is Major Shaw,
14:30who just abruptly retired.
14:32Major Shaw,
14:33did you do so
14:34for well-thought-out
14:35professional reasons?
14:36No.
14:39I did it for a woman, sir.
14:43There you have it.
14:45Colonel Quinn
14:46poisons the best soldiers
14:47and protects the worst.
14:50I rest my case.
14:52Thank you, General.
14:53Colonel, that was
14:53very enlightening.
14:55Colonel, are you prepared
14:56to make your statement?
14:57Yes.
14:58As a matter of fact,
14:59I am.
14:59I have many things
15:00to say about
15:01General Davidson,
15:02but first,
15:03I'm gonna need a translator
15:04who can say the word
15:05prostitute
15:06in 29 different
15:06NATO languages.
15:08chairman.
15:08Chairman, we're gonna need
15:09a moment with the colonel.
15:12Do not take this fate.
15:13I want to go out
15:14in a blaze of glory,
15:15metaphorically speaking,
15:16because you wouldn't let me
15:17bring my Molotov cocktail.
15:18Dad, you are better than this.
15:20I know that you've grown
15:22as a person
15:22since coming to Stroop's store.
15:23I know,
15:24but my enemies
15:25are gonna use that against me.
15:26You think that caring
15:27is a weakness,
15:28but it is a strength.
15:30Colonel Quinn,
15:31your statement.
15:33Okay.
15:38General Davidson is right.
15:40All the soldiers
15:41at my base
15:43are useless.
15:45As soldiers,
15:46they're just too soft.
15:48And I should relieve them,
15:50but I'm not going to.
15:53Because I'm soft too.
15:55That's what Stroopstorff
15:56does to people.
15:56It makes you soft.
15:58It's a terrible,
15:59terrible base.
16:00You guys don't want
16:01this as a base.
16:02The base has been decided.
16:04We're not even
16:04talking about that.
16:05Thank you,
16:06General Martin,
16:07but let him speak.
16:08Thank you, Chairman.
16:10Stroopstorff is terrible.
16:11It's not centrally located.
16:13I mean,
16:13it doesn't have
16:14a working airfield.
16:15If more than 10 people
16:16take a shower at one time,
16:18we run out of hot water.
16:19All people do
16:19at Stroopstorff
16:20is eat cheese
16:21and have feelings.
16:23That's all they do.
16:24I used to think
16:25that having feelings
16:26was a sign of weakness.
16:27You know?
16:27And now even I
16:28am finding myself
16:29having feelings.
16:32and I'm eating cheese.
16:33Is this a nervous breakdown?
16:35I think so.
16:36What's wrong with me?
16:37I'll tell you
16:37what's wrong with me.
16:41Stroopstorff.
16:42He's taking away
16:43my edges.
16:44That's why you don't want it.
16:46It's going to ruin NATO.
16:47It's going to take away
16:48all the edges.
16:48You guys are going to be
16:49sitting around
16:49eating cheese
16:50and crying.
16:52Is that what you want?
16:53No, you don't.
16:55You want Baumholder.
16:57That's a real base.
16:58What?
16:58No.
17:00Baumholder is my base.
17:01Baumholder is a great base
17:02because this man
17:03is leading them.
17:03You can tell
17:04he's a real general.
17:05Look at him.
17:05Two stars.
17:06He knows what's going on.
17:07And they've got
17:07hot water for days.
17:10Unless you don't want
17:11a centrally located
17:12base in Germany.
17:13That's up to you guys.
17:18All in favor,
17:19tabling Stroopstorff
17:20and considering
17:21Baumholder.
17:26Yes!
17:27Suck it, Davidson!
17:29Sir!
17:34Well played, Quince.
17:36It's nice to win.
17:37I know,
17:37because I always do.
17:39Did you win?
17:39Because it looks like
17:40I just got a bigger,
17:42better base.
17:43Well,
17:43it looks like
17:44maybe you owe me one.
17:55You know,
17:56it's, uh,
17:57too bad you're
17:58loving retirement.
17:59Because you were
18:00great out there today.
18:02It was mostly you.
18:03It was mostly me.
18:03It was mostly you.
18:04But we make
18:05a very good team.
18:07We do.
18:10Can I be honest?
18:11Yes.
18:13I'm not that
18:14into freedom
18:14of retirement.
18:15Right.
18:16I like purpose,
18:17structure,
18:17a clean chin.
18:18Mm-hmm.
18:20I'm thinking about
18:21sticking around.
18:24Sticking around
18:24Stroopstorff?
18:25I got everything
18:26I need here.
18:27It's where I'm happiest.
18:28It's where everyone
18:29I care about is.
18:31I'm sorry.
18:33I'm sorry that I
18:35ran away
18:35and I got scared
18:36and...
18:37Look,
18:37I was moving
18:38way too fast.
18:39I mean,
18:40I literally got divorced,
18:41retired,
18:41and then fell in love
18:42in like a month.
18:42I could see that
18:43could scare a person,
18:44right?
18:44Yeah.
18:48You know,
18:48I'm still really...
18:51I'd like to see
18:52if this could work.
18:54Yeah,
18:55me too.
18:58Great.
18:59Great.
19:00Great.
19:00Great.
19:01Yeah.
19:02We'll just
19:04take it slow
19:05and start
19:06from the beginning.
19:09That's a good idea.
19:10Yeah.
19:11Hey,
19:12I'm Abe.
19:14Hi,
19:15I'm Maggie.
19:17Can I get you a drink?
19:18Yeah.
19:19Just, uh,
19:20surprise me.
19:26Oh, look!
19:27It's our returning
19:28base sexy man!
19:31Hey.
19:33Now I get my
19:33boy hero kiss?
19:34No.
19:35No.
19:35No.
19:37So,
19:38you had your chance
19:39to leave the base
19:40and you biffed it.
19:41Well,
19:41actually,
19:42it's the second time
19:43because last year
19:44when I was
19:44blackmailing Davidson,
19:45he offered me
19:46a transfer
19:46and I turned him down.
19:47Why?
19:48Well,
19:49because of you.
19:50And it's not
19:51what you think.
19:52I felt obligated
19:53because you were
19:53such a mess
19:54last year at this time.
19:55You were a gigantic mess.
19:56Uh-huh.
19:58You're getting soft.
20:00Hey.
20:00Oh, thank you.
20:01You're welcome.
20:02That's great.
20:03I think
20:03we need to make a toast
20:04for our favorite
20:05water, dear.
20:06Okay.
20:07Here is
20:08tube store.
20:10The tube store.
20:11Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait for me.
20:14Is that Papadakis?
20:15Do I look like
20:16a real soldier now?
20:21Oh.
20:22You guys don't like it.
20:24Oh!
20:27What have I done?
20:33Papadakis has been
20:34in there for so long.
20:35Ooh.
20:37Do you think
20:37he's gonna be okay?
20:38I don't know.
20:39The man who cut his hair
20:40was a butcher.
20:41Oh, finally.
20:42Oh, Jan.
20:43Did you fix it?
20:45I tried,
20:46but honestly,
20:46I've never seen
20:47anything like that.
20:48The length of the hair
20:49just accentuated
20:50his obvious lack
20:51of jawline.
20:52The layers were just
20:53chaotic and cruel,
20:55and you could have
20:55sent him to the Hague
20:56because that middle part
20:57was a war crime.
20:58Well, you have to do something.
20:59I have to work with him.
21:01Did anybody think about me?
21:03I cannot stare
21:04at that monstrosity
21:05every single day.
21:06Hey, hey, hey.
21:07I did what I could.
21:08The rest,
21:10we must leave up to God.
21:13Yeah.
21:13Do you guys like it?
21:15Oh.
21:16Looks better, though, right?
21:18Ah!
21:21I'm a monster.
21:22Why did I let the army
21:24bully me into short hair?
21:26Yeah, scraps.
21:27Okay, we know.
21:28We all hate it.
21:29Mm-hmm.
21:29We don't know
21:30that's for sure
21:30what he said.
21:33Well, I heard it that time.
21:36It's going so well!
Comments