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7 Days - Season 18 - Episode 04: Thursday March 12, 2026
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00:30Jeremy Corbett, you're about to watch this ragtag bunch of riff-raff riff on the week's news that we've ripped
00:34from the news rags.
00:35Let's meet the team, shall we?
00:37And leading team one, well, he grew his hair to look cool, but just ended up looking like the relief
00:41teacher that would let you get away with murder.
00:43It's Ben Hurley.
00:48Hang down, guys.
00:50I've got a great team.
00:51Good.
00:52Next to me.
00:53She's actually in a gang.
00:54Yeah.
00:55And by that, I mean a hilarious theatre troupe.
00:58It's Abbie Howe.
01:04And down the end, he's actually in a gang.
01:08It's Corey Gonzales.
01:14A leader of team two is originally from my hometown and hers of Parmy, but now lives in the UK.
01:19Yeah, she's Manawatu's own Laura the Explorer.
01:22It's Laura Daniel.
01:24How is it?
01:26International travel, man.
01:27Yeah, yeah, it's all right, innit?
01:29But now, I have been living there for about a year and a half, and don't worry, London hasn't changed
01:33me.
01:33Although you will notice throughout the show, I have picked up a bit of an accent.
01:36What can I say?
01:37I'm a culture sponge.
01:39I do actually pick up accents really fast, though.
01:41You should have heard me after the 12-hour stopover in Beijing.
01:45It's true.
01:46It's true.
01:46I spent the whole 12-hour stopover at Beijing Universal Studios, and I could not stop talking like Shrek.
01:53It was like that, but in Mandarin.
01:56Ni hao, donkai.
01:59I'm leading team two.
02:01Great to do that.
02:01Who's on your team?
02:02Have you met them yet?
02:03Yeah, I've met them once or twice.
02:05Incredible.
02:06She is actually pregnant with her first child.
02:12And he has also had sex at least once.
02:16It's Cuda Forrester and Lloyd Langford.
02:19Beautiful.
02:21Great team.
02:21It's going to be a good night.
02:22We'll kick off the show with a game of Newsmakers, where we cast our eyes over the biggest stories in
02:26the news.
02:27Ignore them and discuss the ones we'd like to joke about.
02:29Team One, you're up first.
02:30Tell me why this is a newsmaker.
02:32Okay.
02:32The Prime Minister is said to be shaken by a...
02:37Oh.
02:38Was it a moderate pad thai instead of a mild one?
02:42I think he's shaken because Parliament just banned people from saying,
02:47look, what I'll say to you is...
02:51He got a bad poll, but because he used to run an airline, he's delaying his departure.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:58Very good.
03:01Our Prime Minister, Christopher Luxon, has been facing rumours of a dethroning his National
03:05Party leader after a horror poll result.
03:08National dropped to sit at 28.4%.
03:10Labor was up to 34.4%.
03:13If Luxon isn't careful, he is going to get rolled.
03:15And let's face it, he's a perfect shape for rolling.
03:19That's not a fat joke.
03:20I mean, he's just not a guy with a lot of edges.
03:22You know, when you look at him.
03:23It just goes to show that in politics, raw sex appeal can only get you so far.
03:28Yeah, exactly.
03:30People always say he's not very relatable, but now that he's quite unpopular and everyone
03:36he works with hates him, I find him more relatable now than everyone else.
03:41We do got to cut him some slack after everything he's had to deal with, you know?
03:44A terrorist attack, a volcanic eruption, a pandemic.
03:47Oh, was that...
03:49Yeah, it was a previous...
03:50Oh, so what did he have to deal with?
03:53Oh, cheese being a bit expensive.
03:54Yeah.
03:55Still pretty bad, still pretty bad.
03:57I mean, you know, this must be worrying for Luxon, because, you know, last time he had
04:01a fool this bad, all the king's horses and all the king's men.
04:05So his rating at the moment, if he was a converter to, if he was an Uber driver, his rating
04:10would
04:11be 1.75 stars.
04:13Do you know how bad you have to be as an Uber driver to...
04:15That's like doing hand stuff to the passenger.
04:19Team Two, it's your turn now.
04:20Wrap your eyes around this and let me know the story.
04:23We're seeing it to start with in youth.
04:25I mean, it's a pretty exciting change in youth over the last 20 years.
04:29Ooh.
04:30I think I've heard this one.
04:31They've stopped using the word skucks.
04:35It's out, apparently.
04:36I don't know how we're going to describe our boyfriends anymore.
04:39I think this is about young people's increased opportunities to date Leonardo DiCaprio.
04:48Pubes are back, maybe?
04:51Thank God!
04:54I'm cubes from here now.
05:00I do actually know what it's about, Jeremy.
05:02Oh, you do?
05:02Yeah, I've been watching the news.
05:04Wow.
05:04I realised I was coming on this show.
05:06Okay.
05:06Here we are.
05:07Done your homework.
05:07Did my homework.
05:08I think this is about the alcohol consumption in New Zealand's now at an all-time low.
05:13It could be because the youth are drinking less, or it could be because I've been in London
05:16for the last year.
05:18Industry's taken a real hit.
05:20Both have been factors, I believe, Laura.
05:23New Zealanders are saying, yeah, nah, taboos with alcohol consumption hitting an all-time
05:26low, down 8.3% on last year.
05:29It's gotten so bad, Liquor King has lost its title and is now known as Liquor Mountbatten
05:33Windsor.
05:38The trouble is, youth don't have any money anymore, right?
05:41Because they're spending it all on vaping and counselling.
05:48You're going to be an incredible mother.
05:51I don't get it.
05:52I've drunk every day of my life since I was 18 years old, right?
05:56And people...
06:00People are always surprised when I tell them that I'm only 22.
06:08Is this the reason why there's so many traffic cones around?
06:12Because there's no drunk people.
06:15There's no drunk people doing crack-up stuff like that and with its head and putting it
06:19on things.
06:20Putting it on a Norfolk pine.
06:22Yeah, a vital industry lost.
06:25When I see a traffic cone at the top of a Norfolk pine, I'm like, we're the same species that
06:31built the pyramids.
06:33This is mankind's greatest achievement.
06:37Someone did that pissed.
06:39And they say white people don't have culture.
06:43I felt like a problem as well is that, like, nerds have taken over making beer.
06:50So, like, you used to be able to just go and get a beer and now you go into a
06:55bar and they're
06:56like, oh, this is a 19% by volume turbo stout from a craft brewery and it'll cost you, like,
07:0540 bucks and you're not allowed to open it in the same room as a pregnant woman.
07:11I just want a beer.
07:12Young people don't have time to drink.
07:14They're too busy.
07:15What was it you were saying backstage, Corby?
07:18What?
07:19Ruining the English language and coming up with even more genders.
07:32Abbey, that was a private conversation.
07:37All right, go to the points.
07:38Now, team 1, you can have zero, which is not a great score.
07:40That's the number of World Cups the Blackcaps currently hold this week after losing to India in the men's T20
07:45World Cup final in Ahmedabad.
07:47You can have five, team 2.
07:49That's the number of wickets Brett Randall took in just five balls in a cricket match this week.
07:53Five wickets and five balls, which is a triple hat trick, I believe.
07:56That's right.
07:57Yeah, which is amazing and record-setting, which means the first star for Newsmakers goes to team 2.
08:07Very crickety theme for our stars.
08:09For the stargazers out there, our stars are more than just pretty shapes.
08:12The team who accrues the most by the end of the show will win the most precious and desired prize
08:16of all.
08:17Look at this and go, ooh, yep.
08:20That is five litres of unleaded 95.
08:24Pure, uncut, sourced from the gull right by my house.
08:28Use it in your car to get home tonight or save it for next week to sell it a huge
08:31mark-up.
08:32The security guards are included in that.
08:35Good luck.
08:35All right, it is time for our next game, which is called Guess Who?
08:38And backstage, I have secreted a mystery star of the week of news.
08:42Comedians have to guess who it is.
08:43It's very simple, but they do make it look hard, I agree.
08:46Please welcome our Guess Who guest.
08:49Now I'm going to jump behind you and pull you in and three, two, one.
08:55It's out there.
08:55That's great.
08:59He's calmed down.
09:02All right, you're going to ask the questions.
09:04Guest, you only say yes or no as an answer.
09:06If you get a no, it goes to the other team.
09:08Team one, you can begin.
09:10Do you work out?
09:13Oh, a little bit.
09:15That's a yes, I guess.
09:17Are you single?
09:19No.
09:20No, that's a no.
09:21Team two.
09:22I don't want to play any of that.
09:27I bet you're just as beautiful with the bag off.
09:31Sorry.
09:32Sorry.
09:33I'm thinking sports, right?
09:36Sports?
09:36Are you a professional sportsman?
09:39Yes.
09:39It's a yes.
09:40Oh.
09:41Okay, now we're going to narrow it down.
09:43Have you been involved in a scandal?
09:47No.
09:47No.
09:48Not scandalous.
09:49Team one, you...
09:50I know it's going to ask if he's in the Warriors, but they can't be.
09:54Do you take part in a sport that involves animals?
09:58Yes.
09:59Oh.
10:00Oh, I know.
10:02Were you in the sheep shearing competition?
10:06Yes.
10:07Did you win it?
10:08Yes.
10:09Oh, correct.
10:10Look at that.
10:13Oh.
10:14Oh.
10:14Oh.
10:16Oh.
10:16Oh.
10:17Oh.
10:18Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:20Toa Henderson, congratulations.
10:21Well done.
10:26So, there you are with the trophy.
10:28So, what do you have to do to win the golden shears?
10:31Because it's the cutting edge of shearing, isn't it?
10:35Just a lot of training, a lot of shearing sheep.
10:37Yeah.
10:37But on the day, is it a numbers thing or is it a quality thing?
10:40It's quality and speed.
10:42How many sheep did you do?
10:45I know.
10:46You know what I mean.
10:47Well, 20 in the final.
10:49But we've got to do so many rounds to get to the final.
10:52Oh, right.
10:52Ben here was wondering, could you do his lower half?
10:58I don't know.
11:00It'll only take a couple of minutes, mate.
11:03Get this, though.
11:04Not even a...
11:05You shear a sheep in under a minute, I think.
11:07Don't you?
11:08Yeah, we've done those 20 in 16 minutes, just over 16 minutes.
11:12Wow.
11:12We're the best in the world at shearing, right?
11:14I'd like to say we are.
11:15Well, we are now because we've got the World Championships.
11:17Yeah.
11:18So, you...
11:18Do you know who else I reckon would be quite good at removing fleece?
11:22Brazilians.
11:25Well, they've got the name for it, don't they?
11:27Because you might be able to explain this to me, because you're talking about the World
11:30Championships.
11:30So, you won the Golden Shares.
11:32You won it last year as well.
11:33And you also won the team's World Championships with your mate, didn't you?
11:39Yeah, with Roland, yes.
11:40With Roland.
11:40But then he won the individual World Champ.
11:43Yeah.
11:44Oh!
11:45And I was second to him.
11:46You're second to him?
11:48Yeah.
11:48What happened?
11:49Oh, just a good bit of team bonding, eh?
11:51And he ended up on top, so...
11:54LAUGHTER
11:56How do you, like...
11:57How do you train for an event like this?
11:59Talk us through it.
12:00Don't leave out any details.
12:03Oh, a lot goes into a preparation.
12:05I've been travelling around every weekend with somewhere new in the country.
12:10Was, um...
12:11Chris Luxon was in attendance too, I believe.
12:14I didn't actually catch up with him.
12:16No, you didn't.
12:16Well, you wouldn't.
12:17There's nothing to share, is there?
12:19LAUGHTER
12:20Where did the sheep come from?
12:21Are they just from all over the country?
12:23Yeah, they are.
12:24No, they are mainly from Dalmarsen and Waste.
12:26Yeah.
12:26Where the competition's held.
12:27I think there was close to 6,000, Sean, over those few days, so...
12:307,000.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33Oh, there you go.
12:34I didn't realise you were such a fan.
12:35Oh, neither did I.
12:36Oh, yeah.
12:38When did you do your first golden...
12:40Well, when did you share your first sheep,
12:41and when was your first golden shears?
12:42Do you know Corey?
12:45Uh...
12:45LAUGHTER
12:49I actually first competed in the golden shears when I was 14.
12:5314?
12:53I was going to say early teens.
12:55LAUGHTER
12:57Yeah, yeah, so that's how long I've been trying.
12:59It's been 21 years.
13:00So the family's been in the biz for a while?
13:03Yeah, they love it.
13:04I think my dad loves it more than I do,
13:06and I would say does my mother and all my other siblings,
13:09so I just try and make the whole family proud,
13:11and everyone proud that's from back up home.
13:13I bet they are.
13:14Tor Henderson, Golden Shears, returning champion.
13:17Thank you, buddy.
13:18You are dismissed.
13:19Cheers, man.
13:20Thanks very much.
13:21APPLAUSE
13:23Oh, yeah, congratulations.
13:24Corey got it real fast, real fast.
13:26A bit of a record, seven days record.
13:28APPLAUSE
13:29All right, but it's time now for the Burgerfield Brain Grill,
13:31where this week we are heading back to the incredible year
13:33that was 1987, and Team One, I'm going to start with you.
13:36OK.
13:36You need to tell me what event from 87 the following clip is from.
13:40Yes, indeed, every week at this time, right here on Network 2,
13:43we'll be here with this very expensive piece of machinery.
13:46Meet the barrel.
13:48What is that expensive piece of machinery?
13:50Um, it's an IVF machine, I think.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:53Those are the eggs, and they get all swished around,
13:56and you pick one out, and that's how coulda got pregnant.
13:58Oh, really?
14:00Um, is it a machine that drains money
14:03from the lower and middle classes?
14:07That was, as you will probably know,
14:09the very first lotto draw on August 1st, 1987,
14:12the jackpot that week.
14:13Why would it be a jackpot for the first week?
14:15$360,000, which at the time could buy you
14:18a six-bedroom waterfront home in Auckland,
14:19or all of Christchurch.
14:22LAUGHTER
14:22You were waiting for me.
14:23Time for a break now.
14:24Team Two will get a chance later in the show for that.
14:26So will you at home.
14:27Look forward to that.
14:27Right after the break, we're playing Slice of Seven
14:29with special guest Borderline.
14:31We'll see you soon on Seven Days.
14:35APPLAUSE
14:40APPLAUSE
14:42APPLAUSE
14:43APPLAUSE
14:44APPLAUSE
14:44Bonjour, welcome back to Seven Days.
14:46We've got a special guest band in studio today,
14:48ready to ruin some great songs with silly lyrics
14:50for the comedians to decipher.
14:52Fresh from supporting Teddy Swims,
14:54please give it up for Borderline.
14:55APPLAUSE
15:00All right, team one, you're first up,
15:02and Borderline is going to play you a bespoke, custom-made song.
15:05You just need to tell me what news story they're singing about
15:08in your own time.
15:09Take it away.
15:16MUSIC PLAYS
15:21MUSIC PLAYS
15:37MUSIC CONTINUES
15:38MUSIC CONTINUES
15:48MUSIC CONTINUES
15:49MUSIC CONTINUES
15:53MUSIC CONTINUES
15:55MUSIC CONTINUES
16:02MUSIC CONTINUES
16:06MUSIC CONTINUES
16:08MUSIC CONTINUES
16:10MUSIC CONTINUES
16:13MUSIC CONTINUES
16:13MUSIC CONTINUES
16:15MUSIC CONTINUES
16:25So good!
16:27So good.
16:28Now, any ideas, you guys?
16:30Did you get any clues from the lyrics?
16:32Yeah, no jam on their toast.
16:34A lot of bread stuff.
16:36Something about bread.
16:38Yeah.
16:39Well, yeah, Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in the case.
16:43We reckon it's about bread, Governor.
16:47Elementary.
16:48We believe it is about bread.
16:50Martin Freeman played Watson in the TV show.
16:54Yeah.
16:54None of these are our answer.
16:56None of those are your answer.
16:57Benedict Cumberbatch.
16:58If you could just...
16:59And also, Johnny Lee Miller did another version.
17:02He was married to Angelina Jolie.
17:04And they're in the movie Hackers.
17:06She won an Oscar.
17:08She won the Oscar for Girl Interrupted.
17:11And guess who else was in that movie?
17:13Brittany Murphy.
17:14I don't know, but I'm going to interrupt you
17:15to just say the latest version of Sherlock's very good as well.
17:20The young Sherlock that's on at the moment.
17:22Yeah, highly recommended.
17:23We don't know that one.
17:26Maybe start a Google Doc.
17:28Yeah.
17:28Yeah, we'd love to get into that.
17:30Your team leader.
17:31This is about us running out of Vogel's in New Zealand.
17:34Oh.
17:34A national emergency.
17:36Well done, Ben.
17:37You saved team one.
17:38Yes.
17:38Hungry shoppers in Auckland this week
17:40were sent in a panic
17:41as supermarkets ran out of Vogel's bread.
17:43Problem caused by an issue in the supply chain.
17:46The shortage even affected the church.
17:48They had to change it to
17:49give us this day our daily less snack.
17:51So.
17:53Yeah, what am I meant to spend my fatay on now?
17:55That's my boyfriend.
17:57It is too.
17:58Yeah.
17:59Wow.
18:01Huge flick.
18:01She's not lying.
18:02It's true.
18:03Yeah, it is.
18:03Yeah.
18:04Wow.
18:05Do you get any free Vogel?
18:06No.
18:07But no wonder they're selling it.
18:09They're flying off the shelves.
18:13Something disturbing I find about someone
18:15that jams their toast like that.
18:17No one paints the jam to all the edges like that
18:20on their toast.
18:21There's something wrong with him.
18:22He's perfect.
18:24He's perfect.
18:27It's also confusing because he hasn't opened
18:29the law for Vogel's bread.
18:35He's going to be so happy.
18:36There's nothing a guy likes more
18:38than his partner defending him
18:40to other people.
18:41One of those boxes behind him
18:43he's moved in as well.
18:45It's actually in the ad.
18:46It's actually not in his house.
18:48Okay?
18:49Broken into someone else's house.
18:53What about any Bergen fans?
18:54I'm a Bergen guy.
18:56Oh, yeah.
18:56I am.
18:57You're good.
18:58Have you not heard of it?
18:59No, it's the Pepsi of bread.
19:04Maybe the shortage is down to the maniacs
19:06that have Vogel's roar.
19:08Who does that?
19:10Who does that?
19:10We're all Vogel's.
19:12Maybe people that can't be bothered
19:13waiting five hours for them.
19:17They had Vogel's bread at my hotel breakfast
19:21this morning.
19:22And I put it in the conveyor belt toaster
19:26six times.
19:29And then they were like,
19:30Mr Langford, please step away from the toaster.
19:33It is now lunchtime.
19:36All right, team two, you're up.
19:37Tell me what Borderline is singing about.
19:39Take it away.
19:52They left them a backpack, and the backpack was stinking.
19:57Thought that's just teenagers, but it also had weed.
20:01Left on the floor by the up shop door.
20:05A lot of cash, a lot of cash.
20:08Who donates their stash?
20:10Ooh, you know you should have bought a cheap-ass suit
20:16for your new lawsuit.
20:18Full of bad guys, trinkets, and they stink of dust.
20:23Now the shop's in right in a little drug bust.
20:28Doris, your wife's there.
20:30She's a dealer now.
20:43Voices of angels.
20:44I was too mesmerized.
20:47This is what happens when the youth don't drink and apply themselves.
20:52We could have been something like that.
20:54They were talking about a bag left.
20:58A bag that had been left.
21:00Oh, a bag, potentially some illegal substances were left.
21:06They were handed into an op shop.
21:08I heard shop, yep, op shop.
21:10An op shop?
21:12Is that it?
21:14Feels like all you're going to give me.
21:17It's actually a pair of 16-year-olds in Southland
21:19accidentally donated a bag containing cannabis
21:21and thousands of dollars in cash to a charity shop.
21:24The pair have since been arrested.
21:26The bag containing cash and drugs had a street value of $10,000.
21:30And an op shop price of $11.30.
21:35So, yeah.
21:38You'd be kidding!
21:40So they left the drugs in the op shop.
21:43I would just love to be a fly on the wall at the gang HQ
21:49when they dropped off, like, an old duvet cover
21:52and a jigsaw with a missing piece.
21:56It's quite serious.
21:57Like, it is really serious.
21:58There was, like, a serious amount of drugs in there.
22:00Apparently, there was enough weed to make living in Southland bearable.
22:05Weed tends to slow things down.
22:10Imagine slowing down life in Southland.
22:14Well, God forbid the local tinny house tries to give back to the community.
22:23All right, that second song you heard by Borderline
22:25is one of their own.
22:26It's called Watching It Burn.
22:27It comes out at midnight tonight, I believe.
22:29And, yeah, check it out with their actual lyrics
22:32in all the classic places you do.
22:33Absolute banger, that one.
22:34Give it up one more time for Borderline.
22:40Slice of seven.
22:41Let's do points.
22:42And this is a salute.
22:4475, the age of Herb's frontman, Dilworth Karaka,
22:47who passed away this week.
22:48Herb's, of course, with Dave Dobbin did Slice of Heaven,
22:51and we turned that into our very own Slice of Seven,
22:54so you have my condolences.
22:55We salute you.
22:56All right, 30 is the price of a sausage sizzle
22:58at the Australia Grand Prix on the weekend.
23:00The burger was $32.
23:01They did come with chips, however.
23:0375 beats 30.
23:04Team one wins a star.
23:08All righty.
23:09Team two, Burger Fuel Brain Grill time for you.
23:12Eyes to your screens for a clip from 1987.
23:14Again, what's this all about?
23:16It's just your money, not your life.
23:19Everybody who really loved you a week ago
23:21still loves you tonight.
23:24This is a voicemail my dad left me recently.
23:29It's about the inheritance, I think.
23:31Right.
23:32That's my personal mantra after I wake up after a big night.
23:38Well, that was from October 19th, 1987.
23:41More famously known as Black Monday,
23:43the day stock markets around the world crashed
23:45and people lost millions.
23:46Even I had to sell off one of my rentals to get by,
23:49so it's a pretty tough time.
23:51Your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill is coming up later in the show.
23:54Look forward to that.
23:54Time for a break right now.
23:55Go grab your goggles.
23:56When we come back,
23:57we're diving into the cool, calm waters of Club Topic.
24:12Welcome back to Seven Days.
24:13Well, there are sharks in the water.
24:14It doesn't scare us.
24:15We're headed to the beach.
24:16Play the steel drums.
24:28Yes, Club Topicano brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
24:31Pineapples, scaly on the outside, yellow on the inside,
24:34like a dragon with hepatitis.
24:36All right.
24:36Inside, this sliced and gutted pineapple,
24:38a collection of news stories I want to hear a little bit more about.
24:41They're from the week.
24:42Ah, yes, TV, early TV.
24:44Farming show country calendar
24:45celebrating its 60th year on television.
24:48Congratulations.
24:48Great stuff.
24:49Did get me wondering,
24:50what was TV like back when they first started?
24:53Teams, give me some scenes from the first days of TV in New Zealand.
24:59Kia ora, and welcome to the first TV show in New Zealand.
25:02Oop, look, we already have a letter.
25:04There's too much Māori on TV.
25:11Next up, a new cooking show called Just Boil It Longer.
25:16Followed by, what else can we do with mints?
25:24If you have any broadcasting standards you'd like to complain about,
25:28just give us a call on 097...
25:38This week at Briscoe's, everything is full price.
25:42That's right, full price.
25:45Nobody's coming in.
25:47We should do something about that.
25:53And coming up next with the weather is a witch.
26:03Next up, we have the All Blacks,
26:05who are actually all white,
26:07and we're hoping they'll really nail the haka.
26:17Hello.
26:18My name is Jeremy Corbett.
26:20And welcome to Seven Days.
26:23Today's topic, the contraceptive pill.
26:25What is it?
26:33Tonight on Young Mike Hosking.
26:37Do poor kids even deserve breast milk?
26:44Alright, back to the pineapple we go.
26:46Ah, yes, jail time.
26:48This week, pop star Britney Spears was arrested for a DUI in California.
26:51Imagine being a famous person in jail would be harrowing,
26:54but potentially also hilarious.
26:56I want to see scenes from pop stars in jail.
27:01Yeah, just a heads up.
27:04Do not go into the shower with R. Kelly.
27:09He does.
27:10He sings.
27:14OK, we've got to break out of here.
27:16OK, somebody needs to distract the guards.
27:19Shakira, you'd better use those hips, girl.
27:25It's not looking good for you, Lou.
27:27They found blood and hair samples all over your apartment.
27:30A little bit of Monica.
27:31A little bit of Jessica.
27:32A little bit of Rita.
27:35There we go.
27:39According to a police report,
27:41the perpetrator actually had a confession to a member of family.
27:45If I may read,
27:47Mama just killed a man.
27:50LAUGHTER
27:56Name, Michael Jackson.
27:59My age, 45.
28:00My pronouns are hee-hee.
28:04LAUGHTER
28:06APPLAUSE
28:09All right, back to my pineapple I go.
28:12Moving on to sport.
28:13Yes, the Warriors kicked off their season this week.
28:15Sell-out crowd watching them dismantle the Roosters, 42-15.
28:20Big Warriors wins happen all the time.
28:22So instead of that,
28:23I'd like you to show me, please,
28:25some unlikely things to hear at a sports match.
28:28LAUGHTER
28:30Oi, Riff!
28:32Nobody's perfect!
28:33You did your best under immense pressure!
28:36LAUGHTER
28:40Stop crying, son.
28:42Of course I'm going to still love you if you lose.
28:46LAUGHTER
28:48LAUGHTER
28:49Hey, player that used to play for our team,
28:52but went to that team for more money,
28:54that was a prudent financial decision.
28:57LAUGHTER
28:57That probably is going to serve your family really well,
29:00and I respect it.
29:02LAUGHTER
29:03LAUGHTER
29:06LAUGHTER
29:06Goal!
29:07For this year,
29:09be a better listener.
29:11LAUGHTER
29:11LAUGHTER
29:14Hot dogs!
29:15Get your hot dogs!
29:16We've got a sexy little schnauzer,
29:18a hot little dashound.
29:20LAUGHTER
29:20$5 a look, $10 a touch.
29:22LAUGHTER
29:30Pass the ball to Abbey!
29:32LAUGHTER
29:34LAUGHTER
29:36LAUGHTER
29:37LAUGHTER
29:38LAUGHTER
29:38LAUGHTER
29:39LAUGHTER
29:39All right, that is it.
29:40Because floaters currently outnumber floatees,
29:43the whole ocean needs to be drained and cleaned.
29:45Play the steel drums!
29:46Sit yourself down.
29:47APPLAUSE
29:58All right, for points,
30:00you can have 2007, Team 1,
30:01the last time Britney Spears was arrested.
30:03As mentioned, last week she was locked up again,
30:05this time for drink driving.
30:07And you can have 25, Team 2,
30:08days' worth of petrol remaining in New Zealand
30:10due to a certain you-know-what in the Middle East.
30:13Britney beats petrol, Team 1 gets a star.
30:20Jeremy's special game is on the way on Seven Days,
30:22but first, a quick break.
30:23See you soon.
30:24CHEERING
30:35Welcome back to Seven Days.
30:37We are now going to play Jeremy's special game.
30:40This week, I've got a bit of a hankering for one of my old fays,
30:43but I thought if I put a bit of...
30:44zhuzh it up a bit, put a twist on it,
30:45I can make it my own.
30:46This is Your Family Could Draw That.
30:49In this game, we bribe family members of our panellists
30:51on the show tonight to draw a news story
30:53which they now have to decipher.
30:55Team 1, are you ready?
30:56You're up first.
30:57Please welcome our first artist.
30:59It's Corey's daughter.
31:00Come on out!
31:01CHEERING
31:03Let's jump on up here.
31:05There you go, all right?
31:06Hold your picture up.
31:07You know what to do.
31:08You name your school and this is my picture
31:10and they'll go nuts.
31:11Hi, my name is Freddie.
31:12I go to Graylin Primary and this is my picture.
31:15CHEERING
31:21How proud now, right now, Corey?
31:23Very proud.
31:24So proud.
31:25OK, Corey's crying, so let's...
31:28Talk shit about it, I dare you.
31:31This is the best picture I've ever seen.
31:34It's really good for you.
31:35It is really good, Freddie.
31:37Um, it's all girls.
31:40Yeah.
31:41Oh, it is all girls.
31:41They look like they're maybe girl guides or something?
31:44Yeah.
31:45There's a couple of the ladies in the middle, at the top,
31:48who are either singing or on the vapes.
31:51Looks like a...
31:51Yeah.
31:53Can I just say, um, I don't reckon that
31:55whoever's driving that forklift or construction-type vehicle
31:58down the bottom, um, is really adhering to health and safety.
32:02If somebody has a spike in their head...
32:05Did they get their licence?
32:07I don't think they did.
32:07Do you know what I've realised?
32:08This game's a lot harder when the kid's in the room.
32:11LAUGHTER
32:17You're all good, eh, Freddie?
32:18You're good?
32:19Yeah.
32:19Fortunately, it's a very good picture.
32:21Yeah.
32:21Some of them are shit.
32:23LAUGHTER
32:24You're not helping.
32:26Uh, women, uh...
32:28in construction and building tradies.
32:31Yeah.
32:31Women tradies.
32:31Women are getting in construction so they can do some cat-call-em.
32:37LAUGHTER
32:38Is that your guess?
32:40Yep.
32:40All right, Freddie, would you mind explaining what you've drawn?
32:43OK.
32:44So this is a construction site.
32:46Yes.
32:47Yeah.
32:47She's smoking.
32:49LAUGHTER
32:50Yeah, I see.
32:51She's high on Vs.
32:54LAUGHTER
32:57She's hammering.
32:58She's eating a pie that's rotten, so that's why it's green.
33:01Oh, OK.
33:02Yeah.
33:03She's mad, so she's throwing a bomb
33:05because her boyfriend broke up with her over tech.
33:08LAUGHTER
33:09A lot of backstory.
33:10Yeah.
33:11She's vaping, and she accidentally hit that button,
33:14so it's going to crash that building,
33:16and she's going to...die.
33:19LAUGHTER
33:20What's this?
33:22That's...
33:23They don't have a bathroom.
33:25LAUGHTER
33:28LAUGHTER
33:29APPLAUSE
33:33That is the most diplomatic answer to a very curly question.
33:38All right, if you just want to hold your picture up again to the camera
33:41and say, and this is my picture.
33:43And this is my picture.
33:45Beautiful.
33:45Thank you, Freddie.
33:49Oh, that is great.
33:51Thank you very much, Freddie.
33:53The real story there,
33:54there are calls to increase the number of females
33:56in construction in New Zealand.
33:58Currently, they make up only 16% of that industry.
34:01And I think...I agree.
34:02There should be more women in construction.
34:03Women can do anything that men can do, you know,
34:06as long as the building supplies aren't on a high shelf
34:08or inside a tightly closed jar.
34:10LAUGHTER
34:11Why not, I say? Why not?
34:12Hey, Ku, don't you work in construction?
34:15Cos every day I see you backing up that dump truck.
34:18LAUGHTER
34:27The catcalling would be quite different, though, right?
34:30If it was all women.
34:30Instead of, like, nice tits,
34:32it would be, like, nice emotional maturity.
34:34LAUGHTER
34:36Cos, historically speaking,
34:37women only worked in construction
34:38when the men had to go fight a world war.
34:41So, like, pretty soon, I guess.
34:43LAUGHTER
34:44I just think that orange is, like, a really hard colour to pull off,
34:48and there's just a huge barrier for us.
34:50I mean, I'm a spring. There's no way.
34:52LAUGHTER
34:52I think it would be good to have, like,
34:54more women tradies on the site.
34:57Someone to say,
34:58hey, I don't know if it's a good idea
34:59to cut that when you're holding it in between your knees.
35:03LAUGHTER
35:04Cos women tend to go to more, like, kind of teaching
35:07and, like, nursing kind of things.
35:09Like, something to distract them from getting paid.
35:11LAUGHTER
35:13LAUGHTER
35:15Oh, that's true.
35:16That's so true.
35:17If we get women in construction,
35:18it'll be a lot cheaper, won't it?
35:20LAUGHTER
35:22LAUGHTER
35:23OK, team two, are you ready for your artist?
35:27Yes.
35:27Koura, I think you might know them,
35:29cos they are your partner.
35:30Please, come on out, artist.
35:32CHEERING
35:32And let them introduce themselves.
35:35All right, you know what to do.
35:37Freddie did a great job of it.
35:39Away you go.
35:39Hi there.
35:40My name is Mark.
35:41I went to Kington Primary School
35:43and this is my picture.
35:46CHEERING
35:46There we go.
35:49That's great.
35:49Just stay there, mate.
35:51LAUGHTER
35:52I have a question.
35:54Yes, Lloyd.
35:55How come his picture is worse than Freddie?
36:00Probably fair call.
36:02It's not as beautiful.
36:04It's in the eye of the observer, isn't it?
36:06Yeah.
36:07Some choppers up there, pretty old-school.
36:09Pretty old-school helicopters.
36:12There's lots of people.
36:13Mm-hm.
36:14And, like, um, maybe some farming gates.
36:18Yes, electric fence, potentially.
36:21It's one of the problems you may encounter
36:23if you build a house with no door.
36:26LAUGHTER
36:29It's a free-for-all.
36:31A bunch of people have gathered together
36:33to do some type of heist, Jeremy.
36:35Is that your guess?
36:36Is that team two's official guess?
36:37Is that our guess?
36:38Yes, that is our final answer.
36:41All right, Mark, over to you.
36:42Tell us what you've drawn, please.
36:43Well, this was actually a story
36:45that was in the news, uh, this week,
36:48and, uh, it was a house that got gate crashed,
36:51and that's the gate crashing...
36:54LAUGHTER
36:55There!
36:55There you go.
36:56Um...
36:57Gate crashed.
36:58And, uh, and so all sorts of teenagers
37:00were held, uh, arrested,
37:03and police choppers came and...
37:05Wow.
37:06And, um...
37:06No, that's...
37:07Kington Primary School that you went to
37:08is in the UK, right?
37:09Correct.
37:09Hence the way you've drawn these houses.
37:11Yeah.
37:13OK, it's great.
37:14So, if you'd just like to say,
37:15and this is my picture, one more time.
37:16And this is my picture.
37:19There we go.
37:20Thank you very much.
37:20Thank you very much.
37:21Cheers.
37:23Uh, Mark has did right.
37:26That's your daddy!
37:28That's your daddy!
37:30A 16...
37:31A 16-year-old's birthday in Sydney
37:33was ruined, slash made awesome,
37:35when it was gate crashed by 500 uninvited guests,
37:38leading to the riot squad being called,
37:40three arrests,
37:41and a helicopter to disperse the crowds.
37:43Uh, really does take me back to my teenage years,
37:46all those crazy parties
37:48I'd hear the other kids went to.
37:50It's, uh...
37:51500.
37:52God, the poor parents,
37:54making all the fairy bread.
37:55It'd be just...
37:56A lot.
37:56Yeah!
37:57Yeah.
37:57More sausage rolls!
37:59Quick!
38:00This is what happens
38:01when you make kids get off their devices.
38:04That's right.
38:05They say, more screen time.
38:07When I was in high school,
38:10every Friday,
38:11all the popular girls would come
38:13crowding round to Abbey
38:14because, um,
38:15they wanted to use my ID
38:17because I turned 18,
38:20like, early in the year,
38:21and they're like,
38:21you're not using that.
38:22And I was like,
38:23nah, I'm not.
38:23You don't need...
38:24You don't need an ID
38:25to watch DVDs at Margaret's house.
38:29I don't know why
38:30they got helicopters involved, though.
38:31I mean, all they had to do
38:32was get a couple of parents
38:33to get up on the dance floor
38:34and those kids would have...
38:36disappeared.
38:37That's what you do, eh?
38:38That's how you make things uncool
38:39for young people.
38:40Well, this is why I don't understand
38:41why so many more kids
38:43didn't turn up
38:43to my daughter's birthday party
38:45because I had my full DJ booth
38:46set up on the front lawn.
38:48Here's one for you, kids.
38:50Oh.
38:52Nothing wrong with Enya.
38:56All right.
38:59Let's go to the points.
39:00Team 1, you get 23.
39:01That's the number of players
39:02red-carded after a mass brawl
39:04during a football match in Brazil.
39:05Brutal, they said.
39:06Military police took the field.
39:08Ah, the beautiful game.
39:09Team 2, you can have everything.
39:11That's what a hidden workforce
39:13of thousands in Kenya
39:14is seeing through
39:15people's Google glasses.
39:17Even when you don't think
39:18the camera's on,
39:18apparently they're reviewing
39:19everything that those video cameras
39:21can see on your glasses
39:22to train the AI
39:24Yeah, big scandal
39:25that broke this week.
39:25Everything is an impossible
39:26score to beat
39:27which means, Team 2,
39:28congratulations.
39:28You get a star.
39:29Well done.
39:33All right, before we take five,
39:35it's time to give you
39:36your picture
39:36for the Burger Fuel
39:37Brain Grill.
39:38Here it is quickly
39:40on the show
39:40but have a more decent squiz
39:41if you like
39:42over the break
39:42on our socials.
39:43Send us a crack-up caption
39:45to win some mighty fine
39:46Burger Fuel.
39:47You do that.
39:48I'll have a quick nap.
39:49We'll be back soon
39:49for captioning that
39:50on Seven Days.
39:50See you soon.
39:51CHEERING
40:01Hey you, how are you doing?
40:02Me too.
40:04It is the final part
40:05of the show.
40:05We're playing
40:06Caption That
40:06where I show the comedian
40:07some candid pics
40:08I took over the week.
40:09They're pretty good.
40:10They simply have to supply
40:11the all-important caption team.
40:12One, you're up first.
40:13Caption this.
40:13Oh.
40:14Oh, I figured out
40:16where all the Vogels went.
40:18I think he's attempting
40:20a coup.
40:25People line up to poo
40:27on the pigeon statue
40:28so they know
40:30how it feels.
40:33British version
40:34of Sesame Street
40:35disappointing.
40:39Um, 40 years later
40:41Chernobyl
40:42still having an impact.
40:45That is a pigeon sculpture
40:46by artist
40:47Ivan Argoite.
40:48He stands
40:49in the High Line
40:49in New York City.
40:50Team 2,
40:51your turn now.
40:52Caption this picture.
40:53Oh.
40:54Um,
40:55Southland
40:55op shop volunteers
40:56find big bag of powder.
41:00Peppa Pig
41:01gets too close
41:02to electric fan.
41:05Is it, uh,
41:07Operation Dessert Storm?
41:10This is how they
41:11announce there's
41:12a gay pope.
41:17That is Hindu followers
41:18showered in coloured powder
41:19during holy celebrations
41:21in India.
41:22Back to you,
41:23Team 1.
41:23I was joking about that.
41:24Caption this one for me.
41:25Oh, is it, uh,
41:26controversy hits
41:27Taranaki Fashion Week
41:28as they let humans
41:30do the runway?
41:33Um,
41:34Blind Jockey
41:35Needs a Bit of Help.
41:40Oh, I believe
41:41this is Megan
41:42and The Stallion.
41:45Uh, you are looking
41:46at the two biggest
41:47users of catamen.
41:54Well, as all fashionistas
41:56will know,
41:57uh, a model presents
41:57a creation by a designer
41:58Stella McCartney
41:59during Paris Fashion Week.
42:02Also, there's a horse.
42:03Um,
42:05another one for you,
42:05team 2.
42:06Here's another picture
42:06for you.
42:07Ooh, God.
42:08Tinder date wishes
42:09had just stuck
42:10to dinner and a movie.
42:15I'm not sure
42:16we're going to get
42:17our deposit back.
42:21Um,
42:22that's, uh,
42:22New Zealand's army
42:23on the way to help.
42:26Deluxe high-rise accommodation
42:29according to Airbnb listing.
42:33Your Uber Eats driver
42:34has been delayed.
42:38Um,
42:39on the plus side,
42:40my mobile signal
42:41has never been stronger.
42:47emergency personnel
42:48prepare the extraction
42:49of two people
42:49stuck in a balloon
42:50that hit a cell phone tower
42:51in Longview, Texas.
42:53They're all okay.
42:54Great round of picture words.
42:55It's time now
42:56to announce tonight's
42:56overall winning team.
42:58Let's go to the star chart
42:59and add them up.
42:59Look at that.
43:00Congratulations.
43:02Team 1!
43:06Well done.
43:08Enjoy your petrol.
43:10Don't drink it all at once.
43:11Thank you so much
43:12for watching.
43:13We do appreciate you
43:14and we appreciate
43:15our comedians, of course.
43:16Please join me
43:16in thanking Ben,
43:18Abby, Corey,
43:18Laura, Kura and Lloyd.
43:20We'll see you in seven days
43:21on seven days.
43:22Matewa.
43:25Thank you, New Zealand on here
43:32and to the teenagers
43:33watching this show sober.
43:35What's that like?
43:36LAUGHTER
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