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7 Days - Season 18 - Episode 01: Thursday February 19, 2026
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00:22Welcome to a brand spanking new season of 7 Days.
00:26I'm your brand spanking same host Jeremy Corbett
00:28and joining me are a brand spanks-wearing collection of comics hellbent
00:32on laughing in the face of most chat-worthy news of the week.
00:36Let's meet them, shall we?
00:37The leader of Team One was the youngest Billy T Award winner ever.
00:40So young, even got invited to Epstein's Island.
00:42It's Rhys Matthewsson.
00:44Thank you, Jeremy.
00:46And it was a pleasure to see you there.
00:50We have got a great Team One this evening.
00:52They are the prom king and queen of GloriaVale 2015.
00:55It's Jack Linton, Rhys, Ben!
01:01Just to be clear, I was there for the catering.
01:04Over on Team Two, feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up.
01:08It's Henwood time.
01:09It's Die Henwood!
01:10Thank you very much, Jim.
01:12Pleasure to be here.
01:14Oh, namaste.
01:15On Team Two tonight,
01:16we've basically got the Thelma and Louise of comedy,
01:19which I suppose makes me the Brad Pitt,
01:21but whatever.
01:22Whatever.
01:22Give it up for Abby Howells and Justine Spurt.
01:28Our first round for 2026 is Newsmakers.
01:32Why mess with perfection?
01:33This is where our comedians must decipher
01:35which news story or clip I provide is all about.
01:37And Team One, you're up first.
01:39Why is this in the news?
01:41I haven't done it once.
01:42You can f*** it.
01:43You haven't done it once?
01:44I haven't done it once.
01:45Oh.
01:46Oh, this is just a regular flat meeting
01:49about how we all need to empty the dishwasher.
01:52Is this razor trying to reapply for All Black's coat?
01:55Oh, I haven't done it!
01:56I've never done it!
01:57I've never done it!
01:58Well, based on the fact that he looks like he's curling,
02:01is it sex?
02:06That is the real answer.
02:08The Winter Olympics is heating up, Jeremy,
02:10because the Canadian Cold Lawn Bowls team
02:12have been accused of cheating.
02:14Yeah, well done, Team One.
02:16The Winter Olympics have been rocked
02:18by a string of controversies, actually.
02:19You had Crotchgate and the ski jumping.
02:21Team Canada, they're accused of cheating in the curling.
02:24And, of course, that Norwegian biathlete
02:26tearfully confessing to cheating on his girlfriend.
02:28Have you seen the biathlon?
02:30I don't know if you've seen it.
02:30That's where they ski and shoot rifles.
02:32Which is all good when they do it,
02:33but when I show up to Snow Planet with a handgun,
02:35I'm apparently not an athlete.
02:40So what's Crotchgate?
02:42Crotchgate is...
02:43So in the big ski jump,
02:44where they do the massive ski jump,
02:46they've been wearing looser uniforms or outfits,
02:50which gives them a more aerodynamic profile
02:51and keeps them in the air longer
02:53and gives them a longer jump.
02:54Why is it to do with the crotches?
02:56Because that's where they've got the extra material.
02:59Everyone has extra material there, don't they?
03:00Not me.
03:02Well, actually, the older you get,
03:04the more perfect you are for the long ski jump,
03:06I'm honest.
03:07Yuck!
03:10I hate to bring this back to curling.
03:13Yeah.
03:14Nice.
03:16Please do.
03:17But isn't curling itself cheating?
03:20Like, shouldn't they do it when the water's not frozen?
03:22That would be more impressive.
03:25Throwing a stone quick enough,
03:26skipping it across the water.
03:30I wouldn't do that on TV.
03:32No, I'm talking about the curling, not the penis.
03:37It annoys me too,
03:38because, you know,
03:38if you know there's going to be an event on the ice that day,
03:41clean it up beforehand.
03:44Yeah!
03:45There's this rush drop in the middle of it,
03:47it's like,
03:47we see you there, guys.
03:51Genuine question.
03:52If you fall and hurt yourself at the Winter Olympics,
03:54instead of putting you on ice,
03:56do they just leave you there?
03:59I like curling.
04:00Curling's a sport for people
04:01who are old enough to enjoy lawn bowls,
04:04but young enough to survive a slip on the ice.
04:06Yeah, that's right.
04:08It's one of those great sports in the Olympics
04:10you watch and think,
04:12I could still make that team.
04:15Yeah.
04:16I feel like there might be a bit more to it.
04:18It's a bit like saying you could do the luge
04:20because you could sit in a toboggan going down an icy trail.
04:22Oh, yeah, the luge looks easy.
04:25Have you seen the one where they lie on top of each other?
04:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:28I don't know if you're watching the luge.
04:31Oh, trust me, I am.
04:33How did that conversation start?
04:36Well, like, who's top and bottom?
04:38No, like, take a...
04:39Hey, man, like, you haven't dripped...
04:41Do you want to lie on top of me
04:42at this hoon down the mountain, take a...
04:45And we'll put on real tight clothes and...
04:48You know, just lie on top of me and we'll go real...
04:50It's like a hydra slide, but really dangerous
04:53and we'll be in, like, real tight clothes and just like...
04:57Don't worry if it's hard.
04:58I just rejected it for you.
05:00That's right.
05:01You know, one of the worst mistakes I made as a young man
05:04was the first time I went snowboarding.
05:07We went up the mountain
05:09and there was a photographer there from a snowboarding magazine
05:12and I went up and told him that I was a pro snowboarder.
05:16And he went, sweet ass, hop on the chairlift
05:20and I'll take you to this jump and I'll take a photo of you.
05:23And so I went up there and I could skateboard,
05:26so I knew how to stand on it.
05:27And I just, we're fanging down this hill.
05:30Oh, God.
05:30And he sent me the photo.
05:32I'm completely upside down.
05:34And just before my head smacked into a rock...
05:38Oh.
05:38..and then I got airlifted off the mountain.
05:43The photo is amazing.
05:45Yeah.
05:46All right, any more for that?
05:48We'll move on.
05:49Over to you, team two.
05:50Have a look at this clip.
05:52Tell me what it's all about.
05:53That's a wonderful reputation to have.
05:55I'm very pleased to hear that news.
05:56All right, it does...
05:57There's Bill Clinton with a Kiwi accent, isn't there?
06:00It does.
06:01Wait, has he just...
06:02I know what he's proud of.
06:03He's the guy in the street that puts the bins out first
06:07so everyone knows what bin date is.
06:08Ah.
06:09I like to call them the binfluencer.
06:13God bless that person.
06:14I know, it's certainly not our house.
06:16Oh, is this about Hamilton becoming the new Wellington?
06:21Hamilton becoming the new Wellington.
06:23So, what, like, Hamilton, like...
06:24The new Wellington, like, culture or capital?
06:27No, capital.
06:28Aren't they thinking about...
06:29Am I right?
06:30I'm not even the team captain.
06:30You say it.
06:31OK.
06:36Hamilton is going to become the new capital of New Zealand?
06:41What is wrong with you?
06:43Did you hit your head while skiing?
06:46Yeah, you're right.
06:47Off the back of being voted New Zealand's safest city
06:49from natural disasters,
06:51there have been calls to move the politicians there
06:54and make Hamilton the capital of Aotearoa, New Zealand.
06:57Great way to bring down Hamilton's chlamydia numbers, isn't it?
06:59Bring in thousands of New Zealand's least f***able people.
07:05You're a Wellington boy,
07:06so you're probably a little patriotic for the capital staying.
07:09Well, what are you going to do with a beehive
07:10when your MDs turn into a chemist's warehouse?
07:14It's not bad.
07:15You'd have the Panadol on one level
07:17and then you'd go move up to the stronger drugs
07:20and the top level is your tramadol.
07:21You've got to serve a methadrine up at the top.
07:25I think the problem is,
07:26in government, you want good decision-making.
07:28And I've never made a good decision in Hamilton.
07:31Yeah.
07:32Even the decision to go to Hamilton
07:35was not a good decision.
07:37Do we even need a capital?
07:39I mean, surely we can sort out most of our issue
07:41with, like, a WhatsApp group or something.
07:42Yeah.
07:43I mean, no, they pride themselves
07:45on being the largest inland city, right?
07:47I'm like, is that a brag?
07:49Like, oh, no thanks to the beach and fresh air.
07:53Yeah, but I mean,
07:53Wellington's not really nailing the beach at the moment.
07:573,000 litres of shit.
08:00Wait, so Hamilton's the safest city from natural disasters?
08:03Apparently.
08:04Then why does it look like that?
08:07Not even the natural disasters want to go there.
08:15If they move the politicians there,
08:18they'll have a bloody field day.
08:20Oh.
08:21Oh, God, I hate myself.
08:24I think...
08:26Well, I'm from Dunedin,
08:28so I'll make an advocate for Dunedin being the capital.
08:31I'll say, Dunedin, yeah, it's cold,
08:33but think about this.
08:34We've got the best murders, baby.
08:36The best murders in the country.
08:38Sorry about that.
08:39Not the highest amount of murders,
08:41but the murders we do have are like,
08:42Mamma Mia!
08:45It's now time to turn this fun little game
08:47into a competitive bloodbath by using points.
08:49Team 1,
08:50I'll give you the number of episodes of 7 Days in existence.
08:53445.
08:54You are watching 446.
08:56That's your score.
08:57Well, Team 2,
08:57you get the number of kākāpō in existence,
09:01237,
09:01after Yasmin had one of her eggs hatch on Valentine's Day.
09:05Although it won't officially be added to the tally
09:07until it fledges.
09:08It does mean that Team 1 gets our first star of the night.
09:12Well done.
09:15What are they playing for, I hear you ask?
09:17I do hear you.
09:18Apart from the glory,
09:19it's a prize plucked right from the headlines.
09:22Say ooh or ah
09:23as you take a look at this week's prize.
09:25There it is.
09:26Our tribute to the signature dish
09:28of the Italian Winter Olympics,
09:30the frozen pizza.
09:33The winning team will take home their own leaning tower
09:36to cook from frozen,
09:37munch through like an ice block,
09:39or hurl through their neighbour's window
09:40like an icy frisbee.
09:42Congratulations.
09:43Time now on 7 Days 4,
09:44Yes Minister,
09:45where we pick a politician,
09:46fly them to Auckland,
09:47make them stand over there
09:48until I introduce them.
09:49This week we have the newly named leader
09:51of the party formerly known as TOP,
09:53the Opportunity Party.
09:54Give it up for Q Lai Wong!
10:00Q Lai, welcome to the show.
10:02Q, if I may be so bold,
10:04your job to answer the questions
10:05from these reporters,
10:07in inverted commas,
10:09without saying yes or no.
10:10You got it?
10:10Got it.
10:11Okay, got it.
10:12Take it away.
10:13Q, I worked on Dancing with the Stars
10:16closely with David Seymour.
10:18Do you know any good therapists?
10:22I would love to go on Dancing with the Stars
10:24if you can get me on there.
10:27Q Lai, my friend claims to be a bottom,
10:30can he still vote for you?
10:34We've moved on, we've moved on.
10:36It's just opportunity.
10:37Q, I read that you lived in London,
10:41worked in fashion,
10:42and then met a man from Palmerston North.
10:45Would you agree that sentence goes
10:47from real good to real bad?
10:49And are you putting politics
10:51at the end of that?
10:52Yeah.
10:54Gareth Morgan came on the show,
10:55but I'm okay now.
10:59He was very anti-cats,
11:01and obviously I'm very much into cats.
11:03I also have a husband breaking the rule,
11:05but I'm just wondering,
11:08Q, are our pussies safe in your hands?
11:12Very safe, very safe.
11:14Don't flirt with me.
11:18Oh, I was just going to say,
11:20so your nickname is Q.
11:21Did you shorten it from Q Lai
11:23so that Christopher Luxon
11:24will be able to pronounce it?
11:26Yeah, I thought we needed to mix it up
11:28with all the Chris's, you know?
11:29Yeah, that's nice.
11:29Spice it up a bit, a little bit.
11:31Speaking of names,
11:32so it went from the Opportunities Party
11:34to just opportunity.
11:36Is that because New Zealand's in such a bad place
11:37you can't promise more than one opportunity?
11:42We've really got one opportunity
11:43to save everything,
11:45and this election is it.
11:46Yeah.
11:47Yeah, and on researching you for this,
11:50it was actually really hard
11:50because you don't actually have a Wikipedia.
11:52Did you know that?
11:53I do know that.
11:54But I've made you one.
11:57I don't know if that's creepy,
11:59but I have to make you...
12:00Have you actually?
12:01Yes.
12:01Because we've been looking for someone
12:02to help us with it.
12:03And I have put in here
12:05Wong is close personal friends
12:07with New Zealand comedian Jack Ansett
12:09and thinks he's a crack-up.
12:10Don't say no.
12:12I think that's going to help us
12:14get over the 5%.
12:15Yay!
12:17Just to answer your question, Jack,
12:19yes, that is majorly creepy.
12:22How?
12:23It needed to be done.
12:24It did need to be done,
12:25and our comms team
12:26will be very happy with you.
12:28Well, it's been deleted
12:29because there's some false information on there.
12:33I'll do it again.
12:34I'll do it again.
12:34Wikipedia is like,
12:35Jack Ansett's not crack-up.
12:38He's all right.
12:39Well, as a centrist party,
12:41you've kind of got a coalition on the table
12:43with anyone.
12:44You know,
12:45Hipkins,
12:45Luxon,
12:46Peters,
12:47Seymour,
12:48Swarbrick,
12:48Waititi.
12:49So let's play a quick game
12:50of shoot,
12:51shag, shag, shag,
12:52man.
12:53Shag, shag, shag, shag.
12:57It's a hard one.
12:58It is a hard one.
13:00And the answer is?
13:02I think we will be sort of the therapist
13:04helping them all get along.
13:07Learning how to,
13:09yeah,
13:09shag each other.
13:10I don't know.
13:12Wow.
13:14You are getting votes right now.
13:16You are getting votes.
13:17Speaking of hills,
13:18I saw on your Instagram
13:19that in 2017
13:20you went to Machu Picchu.
13:22Sorry,
13:23I'm creepy
13:24and you're stalking.
13:27Yeah.
13:28It's more of a vibe thing,
13:29Jack.
13:31Did you also have
13:32one of the alpacas
13:33steal your sandwich?
13:34You know what?
13:35I didn't actually do Machu Picchu.
13:37I only went to,
13:38like,
13:38the start of that walk.
13:39So it's a bit
13:40of a false information.
13:42Oh, no,
13:42you're made for politics.
13:43Yeah.
13:46So say it's late at night
13:48and, uh,
13:50you wake up
13:50and you hear a noise
13:51and there's, like,
13:52a murderer in your house
13:54and he's, like,
13:54running towards you
13:55with a knife
13:56but his fly's undone.
13:57What are you,
13:57what are you going to mention?
14:01I'm not sure
14:02where that question was going.
14:05Yeah.
14:05Very common reaction.
14:06You thought my question was weird.
14:08I've been sitting on there
14:09being like,
14:10oh,
14:10she's going to love the question.
14:14Do you know how calm
14:16you would have to be
14:16to notice that?
14:18I know.
14:20Like,
14:20if you woke up
14:21in the middle of the night
14:22and there was a dude
14:23running at you
14:24with a knife,
14:25I don't reckon
14:26you look straight at his dick.
14:28You're looking at the,
14:29I'm going the knife,
14:31I reckon,
14:31not...
14:31Although you're at bed level,
14:33so, you know.
14:33Yeah,
14:34oh,
14:34that's true.
14:35You would be looking at it.
14:35Do not get sucked
14:36into this conversation.
14:39You're now based
14:41in Mount Albert,
14:41I believe.
14:42Yes.
14:42Have you ever got...
14:43That's a yes.
14:47You've done very well.
14:48Give it up to Kool-Aid.
14:48Yes.
14:50Thanks very much.
14:51And congratulations,
14:52team two.
14:53Well done.
14:55Time now for the
14:56Burger Fuel Brain Grill,
14:58brought to us by
14:58our brand new sponsor.
14:59Thank you, Burger Fuel.
15:00This is where we turn back
15:01the pages of time
15:02and test our team's
15:03powers of recollection.
15:04Given that it's 30 years
15:06I learnt since Burger Fuel
15:07first opened their
15:08delicious doors,
15:09we're going to go back
15:0930 as well.
15:10So the magical year
15:11of 1995,
15:13team one.
15:19What was that all about?
15:21It's your bachelor party,
15:22Gorgie.
15:25And this is the
15:26baggage carousel
15:27after getting off
15:28Epstein's plane.
15:30That was,
15:31as many of you know,
15:32the launch of
15:33Windows 95
15:34with Bill Badboy Gates
15:36leading the moves,
15:37just going to show
15:38that in 30 years
15:39white men have
15:40not learnt how to dance.
15:42Don't worry,
15:43team two,
15:43you're going to get
15:44a turn next break
15:44and you at home
15:45will get a chance
15:46later in the show
15:46to win thanks to
15:47the bloody legends
15:48at Burger Fuel.
15:49I'm very tired,
15:49need a break.
15:50Stick around though
15:51because we've got
15:51Slice of Seven
15:52when we return
15:53on Seven Days.
16:03Ah,
16:03you came back.
16:05Great to see your,
16:06what I imagine
16:07are incredibly
16:07beautiful faces.
16:08Time now for
16:09Slice of Seven
16:10where real life
16:10musicians take
16:11their real life
16:12songs and ruin
16:13them by changing
16:14them to be
16:14about a news story.
16:15This week we are
16:16joined in the studio
16:17by one of our favourites,
16:18a band that's been
16:19crushing it on
16:19American talk shows.
16:21Now they're on
16:21my talk show,
16:22back home just
16:23to come on Seven
16:23Days.
16:24Give it up for
16:24the Beths!
16:30Team one,
16:31we'll begin with you.
16:32Are you ready to
16:32decipher the Beths song
16:34and tell me what
16:34they're singing about?
16:35I'm so pumped.
16:36Beths in your own
16:37time.
16:37Take it away.
16:45I found money in
16:47my wall cavity
16:48200,000 in notes
16:52Wanted to give it
16:55to charity
16:56JK, I want a
16:58brand new bow
17:00My cash is stashed
17:02Guided by lads
17:04Kept so worn
17:05by pink bats
17:07And the cops
17:08they want it
17:12Draft shit and
17:14Damn shit and
17:16My roof is richer
17:17than I am
17:19Damn shit and
17:21Jays
17:22If you find cash
17:24don't tell the police
17:26Cause I can't buy
17:27books
17:27I can't shop
17:28I can't buy wine
17:30The cash was earned
17:32due to crime
17:33So next time
17:35I'll keep my lips
17:38sealed
17:46So good.
17:48Wowwee.
17:49Wowwee indeed.
17:50What do you reckon?
17:51There was talk of money?
17:53Talk of walls?
17:54Roofs, ceiling.
17:55Yes, money in the roof.
17:58You take it away, Rhys.
18:01Money in the roof, Jeremy.
18:03I'll need more.
18:05I think it was a Christchurch couple found some money in their roof
18:09when they moved in.
18:10Oh, OK, yeah.
18:11We'll go with...
18:12My official answer is what Brinley said.
18:15Good words to live by, Rhys.
18:18Yes, a Christchurch couple is embroiled in a legal fight
18:20to keep the $200,000 in cash they found in their ceiling.
18:24Police claim the couple don't get to keep the money
18:26because it may have been earned through crime.
18:28And to underline that, the police have consistently said
18:31that money isn't yours to spend
18:32just because it happens to be in your house.
18:35Are you listening to this, honey?
18:37So...
18:38Oh, mate!
18:42Oh, I'm the bad guy.
18:48Yeah.
18:49Yeah, so found $200,000, but the police are saying
18:51proceeds of crime, can't have it.
18:53Christchurch couple.
18:54I think Jack and Brinley should be allowed to keep it.
18:57So it was in their, like, roof as insulation.
19:00Yes.
19:01Look, I wish my house had insulation.
19:05All I found in my ceiling was some really old candy floss.
19:11It's not candy floss.
19:14And it tasted fine, but there was a devil on the other end.
19:18I reckon.
19:20I mean, yeah, the people that own the money,
19:23they must be in prison,
19:24and they say Seven Days has actually watched quite a lot in prison,
19:28so for those people, I'd just like to say,
19:30ha, shame?
19:33No, no, no.
19:34Yeah, you do realise that some people get out of prison, Jack.
19:38Yeah, you did, David Bain.
19:39No, I'm sorry.
19:41No, no, no.
19:44Yeah, I did.
19:47And why?
19:47And why?
19:49Do you know if they were, like, vacuum-packed into little...
19:52I don't.
19:53Yeah, I'd like to know.
19:54Little piles, like you see on television.
19:55It's a definite giveaway of the proceeds of crime, isn't it?
19:58The vacuum-packing.
19:59Is it?
20:00Mm, oh, yeah.
20:01I've got a couple of winter jerseys under my bed
20:03that aren't a crime scene.
20:05They're a fashion crime scene.
20:07You'd be so...
20:08LAUGHTER
20:14All right, team two, we're coming to you now.
20:16Beths, are you ready for a song?
20:18OK.
20:18Tell me what story the Beths are singing about.
20:21All yours.
20:21Three, four!
20:22MUSIC PLAYS
20:28I thought I would go out flying
20:31But the planes have all been grounded
20:34Cos the cabin crews are crying
20:38Think I saw the chips away
20:41They are sick of all the sick bags
20:45And they're heading to the exit
20:48But at least this major airstrike
20:52Won't involve that day's the first
20:55Cos they're paying
20:57Cos they're paying
20:59So low, low
21:00So low, low
21:02And that's a big
21:04That's a big
21:05Fighting, no, no
21:07No, no
21:09I guess I'll take
21:10Yes, I'll take
21:12Make an Uber
21:14An Uber
21:15On the way
21:17On the way
21:18To Rotorua
21:20Rotorua
21:23Please don't show
21:25The safety video
21:29To them again
21:39I was sort of transfixed by the music
21:41And I wasn't really listening
21:43I heard sick bags
21:45Sick bags
21:46Which is my stripper name
21:47And I also
21:51Ladies and gentlemen
21:52Please welcome
21:53Welcome to the podium
21:55Sick bags
22:02I hurt my neck
22:03I hurt my neck
22:07And on
22:07Don't watch the safety
22:08Please don't play the safety video
22:10So it's about flight attendants
22:12Right, I think
22:12And they've been in the news
22:14Yeah, oh
22:15Cos they're striking
22:16They are striking
22:17Oh, Jeremy
22:18Flight attendants
22:20Are striking
22:22So I don't know
22:23Where are you going to
22:24Put your dollar bills
22:25And demand
22:26Oh my God
22:27Serve you more cassava chips
22:32Not true
22:34Good luck to anyone
22:35Taking a flight this month
22:36Flight attendants
22:36Across the nation
22:37Are striking
22:38On three separate occasions
22:39Throughout February
22:40Cabin staff want more money
22:42As well as better work conditions
22:43In fact
22:44The harsh working conditions
22:45Have caused many cabin crew
22:46To walk off the job
22:47And immediately plummet
22:48To their deaths
22:52Do you reckon
22:52When they walked off the job
22:53Lights illuminated
22:54To show them the way out
22:55Or
22:57It was a tough job though
22:58I can see it as a tough job
23:00Apparently on one
23:00International flight
23:01They deserve over 300 drinks
23:04Right
23:04And that was just
23:05A Winston Peters
23:06Yeah
23:08Well, it'll be good
23:09To finally vape
23:10On the plane
23:11Without any
23:11F***ing narcs
23:14Are you right?
23:18Did you see Jetstar's
23:20Response to this
23:21They were
23:21Hmm, we should get
23:22Flight attendants
23:26New Zealand said
23:27They had actually
23:28Allocated money
23:28To pay the attendants more
23:30But one of the staff members
23:31Left it in the ceiling
23:32Of the house
23:32They were selling in
23:34F***ing
23:34Well, they've been in negotiations
23:35For nine months
23:36So they got told
23:37That the pay rise was due
23:39And then they were told
23:40It was delayed
23:41And then they were told
23:41It was diverted
23:42To Palmerston North
23:47Did you know pilots
23:48Are one of the few professions
23:49Where you wear short sleeves
23:51And a tie
23:51What about banking?
23:54Another one?
23:55Casa
23:56Another one?
23:59There's a few actually
24:00Insurance broker
24:01Oh, no
24:02You were thinking
24:03Of a Mormon insurance broker
24:05Oh, yeah
24:05That's right
24:06Well, they did get a pay offer
24:08From Air New Zealand
24:09And apparently
24:10The flight attendant
24:10Said that it was rubbish
24:11Any rubbish?
24:14Any rubbish?
24:16I hope the flight attendants
24:18Get more money
24:18The Beths
24:19They're back in the country
24:20To a nationwide tour
24:21This March
24:22Head to thebeths.com
24:23For all the ticket info
24:24And please listen to
24:25The real version
24:25The excellent new album
24:26Straight Line was a lie
24:27One more time
24:28For the Beths
24:34We go to the points now
24:36Team 1
24:37You've earned a thousand
24:38That's the new amount
24:38Of space launches
24:39Rocket launches allowed
24:40In New Zealand
24:41The initial cap of a hundred
24:42Set nine years ago
24:43Is set to be reached
24:44So you're allowed more
24:44Good stuff
24:45Team 2
24:46You can have the amount
24:46Social media star Logan
24:48Pulled a Pokemon card
24:49For $27.3 million
24:51What?
24:52He bought it five years ago
24:54For $8.7 million
24:55$23.4 million
24:57Beat space
24:58Team 2
24:59You get a star
24:59Congratulations
25:05Alright you know what time it is
25:07We're coming up to a break
25:08So thanks to Burger Fuel
25:09We've got another Burger Fuel
25:10Brain Grill for you
25:11This is Team 2 this time
25:12What's going on in this story
25:13It is from 1995
25:19Good evening
25:19Well it was just a walk in the park
25:21Except the park blew up
25:25Oh
25:25This is when you're a bit pissed
25:27And you're trying to explain
25:28To your partner
25:29Why you're home late
25:31Just a walk in the park
25:32And the park blew up
25:37That's of course
25:38The wonderful John Hawksby
25:39The eruption of Mount Ruapehu
25:41That shook the North Island
25:42Back on September 23rd
25:431995
25:44Who could forget
25:45I couldn't
25:45I was up there
25:46With my mates
25:47We were getting rid of some dynamite
25:48Into the crater
25:48Oh boy
25:50Remember your chance to win
25:51Thanks to Burger Fuel
25:52Is coming up later in the show
25:53Break time now though
25:54Come back with your togs on
25:55When we return
25:56We're off to the beach
25:57It's Club Topicana
25:58See you soon
26:07Oh
26:08Kia ora
26:08Welcome back to Seven Days
26:10Oh
26:10It's raining
26:11And it's windy
26:11Must be summer
26:12What better time to head to the beach
26:13For Club Topicana
26:14Play the steel drums
26:26This year we've ditched Dole
26:28And replaced them with a better pineapple partner
26:30Psyche
26:31We'd never leave you Dole
26:33You're the pinnacle of pineapples
26:34We're in a lifelong committed relationship
26:36Now inside the spiky fruity orb
26:38Recollection of my favourite stories from the week
26:40Ones that wet my whistle
26:41And had me thirsty for more
26:43So let's dive in
26:44Shall we
26:45Here we go
26:46Ah yes
26:47The Winter Olympics is on right now
26:48As mentioned
26:49But they're so far away
26:51Geographically
26:51What if they were closer
26:53What if they were in New Zealand
26:54I'd like to see some scenes
26:55From a Kiwi Olympics
26:57Please
27:00What?
27:00So you're supposed to have a swimming heap?
27:02No
27:02Every Tuesday
27:03We have half the pool booked out for aquarobics
27:11And they're picking up speed
27:13Oh crashing right into the Michael Hill jeweller
27:15They've taken the gold
27:17They've taken the silver
27:18They've taken everything
27:24Alright
27:24No snow for the bobsled this year
27:26So we've improvised
27:27And you're just going to be riding this
27:28Chilli bin lit down Man Eden
27:36And to beat the Australian
27:38He is going to need
27:40An 8.2 metre splash
27:42On this manu
27:46And taking gold
27:47It is the Avondale Bomb Squad
27:57I'm here for the high jump
28:07Time now for the hot sand sprint
28:09From the water to the car park
28:11With one gender leech
28:12And go
28:17And the triathletes are coming out of the water now
28:20They are scanning the QR codes on the line scooters
28:23And they are off
28:31That's 24
28:3325
28:3526 folks
28:36We've reached a new level of car
28:38Stuck behind a juicy camper
28:43Oh my god
28:44Look at that incredible fireworks display
28:47Over Eden Park
28:48To mark the opening ceremony
28:49Of the Olympic Games
28:50Oh and what's that
28:51Oh the crowd are leaving
28:52Do you beat the traffic
29:00And as we see the marathon runners
29:03Rounding the final bend
29:04The New Zealand crowd erupts
29:06Into calling them try-hards
29:10I hope you're taking note
29:12New Zealand Olympic Committee
29:13Think there's some good ideas in there
29:15We move to our next story
29:16Over our break
29:18There were lots of oddball things
29:20Happening over in the USA
29:21Especially at the President's place
29:22The White House
29:23It's got me wondering
29:24What goes on behind the scenes there
29:26Let's take us inside team
29:28I'd like to hear some examples
29:29Of things overheard
29:31In the White House
29:36Okay so one more time
29:38I'm President Trump
29:38When the gun goes off
29:40You go
29:45Hi I'm Keith
29:46I just moved in next door
29:47As a condition of my parole
29:49I have to inform you
29:50That I'm a registered sex offender
29:51Oh same
29:52Phew
30:02Make
30:03Great green card
30:05Look angry
30:07Make movie
30:16Oh god here we go
30:21Hey Grok
30:22How to run country
30:24That was my Trump impression
30:34Hang on a second
30:35I just got a great text
30:37From my very good friend
30:39Jeremy Corbyn
30:40He's the funniest man
30:44I met him on a beautiful island
30:50Feels like we were there
30:51Doesn't it
30:51Alright
30:52Let's have a look
30:53At our next story
30:54Oh Valentine's Day
30:55Yes it was this week
30:56Sorry for bringing it up again
30:57For all those low grade boyfriends
30:59Out there who forgot
31:01Like me
31:02I am bad
31:03But I'm sure they were worse
31:04Give me some examples
31:05Of the worst
31:07Valentine's Day please
31:10Oh this is so lovely
31:11Babes
31:12Date night at the zoo
31:13And getting to meet
31:14My spirit animal
31:15That's so great
31:16Thank you
31:16Why have we stopped
31:17By this big wrinkly
31:18Old elephant
31:27Hi I'm Jack
31:30That's me
31:33Good to know
31:34No one in the crowd
31:35Knows my name
31:42Hey baby
31:43I thought for this
31:44Valentine's Day
31:44We could do a little bit
31:45Of role play
31:46Yeah
31:46Okay cool
31:48Alright I rolled
31:49A nat 20
31:50A goblin appears
31:51From behind the room
32:01Oh god I'm still
32:02Mrs Corbett
32:10Girl are you Auckland City
32:11Because I reckon
32:12It's another year
32:12Before I can give you
32:13A light rail
32:19Alright enough romance
32:21Let's move on
32:23Yes it is our first day
32:24Back at work today
32:25And we're all struggling
32:26A bit to remember
32:26How we make this show
32:27I thought I'd throw that
32:28On the beach
32:29And ask the comedians
32:30To show me some examples
32:31Of forgetting how to do
32:33Your job
32:34Hey settle down
32:36Settle down
32:36No one's here to judge you
32:38Now has the jury
32:39Reached a verdict
32:46I bless you
32:47In the name of the
32:48Father
32:48The Son
32:49And the Holy
32:50Holy
32:53Holy
32:54Holy shit
32:54No
32:56Oh no
32:59Hey
33:03Hey man
33:05Have a good one
33:12You guys want any change
33:20Kate want to get this
33:21Plane landed safely
33:25I love this song
33:39Oh you know
33:40That's definitely safe
33:40To use Mr Baldwin
33:50Okay
33:50So I'm stuck behind a wall
33:53I can't find the door
33:55I eventually find the door
33:57Oh sorry
34:04I certainly hope you remember
34:06How to do your job
34:07And enjoy 2026
34:08Far too many floaters
34:10Washing up on the beach
34:10Right now
34:11Time to traipse all the sand
34:12Into our cars
34:13And head home to the desk
34:14Play the steel drums
34:15Great topic
34:27Great game of Club Topicana
34:28For points
34:29Skidding a bit of somber
34:30I'm going to salute
34:31The celebrity departed
34:32Team one
34:33You can have the age
34:33Of Robert Duvall
34:34Star of Apocalypse Now
34:35And The Godfather
34:36When he passed away
34:37On Monday
34:3795
34:38And team two
34:39You get the age
34:39Of Dawson's Creek star
34:40James Van Der Beek
34:41When he passed away
34:42Last week
34:4248
34:43Which means the team one
34:44Gets a shiny star
34:45For their star chart
34:49Time for a break now
34:50But glue yourselves
34:51To your seats
34:52Because after the break
34:52We're playing a brand new game
34:54Called Jeremy's Special Game
34:56You do not want to miss it
34:57See you soon for seven days
35:06Welcome back
35:07One and all to seven days
35:08Time now for a new segment
35:10Very excited about this
35:11It's called Jeremy's Special Game
35:12Where I, Jeremy
35:13Present a new game
35:15I've come up with
35:15Which is why I think
35:16It's special of course
35:17This week we are playing
35:19Come on, feel the news
35:20Or come on, feel the news
35:22For Slade fans
35:24Here teams must slide
35:25Their grubby little hands
35:26Into my rigid box
35:27And have a thorough feel
35:28Of its innards
35:28Insider objects
35:29Hinting toward a news story
35:31Team one
35:32You are the first guinea pigs
35:33Put your hands in the box
35:35Have a feel
35:36Okay
35:37That's good
35:38Put your hands in the box
35:40Have a bit of a feel around
35:43I can put my hand in the box
35:45Oh no
35:46Oh no
35:47Oh no
35:48It's his hand
35:50But it's quite scary
35:51I just felt
35:52A virgin
35:53What
36:02Correct
36:03Not part of the story
36:04Not part of the story
36:05I'll help you out there
36:06What are you getting there
36:07Brinley
36:07An egg
36:08With a toothpick in it
36:09I haven't touched anything
36:10It's grass
36:11It's grass
36:12That's an egg cup
36:12Egg cup and grass
36:14Grass
36:14Pull it out the hole
36:15What's that
36:15Is that something
36:16That's something
36:17Is that a jersey
36:18Or a jumper
36:19Jersey
36:19Grass
36:20Rugby
36:21Rugby
36:22Jersey
36:22Grass
36:23A leg
36:24An egg cup
36:25What's the egg
36:26I found a leg
36:27Is it egg and spoon racing
36:29Egg and spoon racing
36:30Why would it be that
36:31It's crowning
36:32Sorry
36:33Oh
36:34Oh
36:35Oh
36:35This is like the guy
36:37Running towards you
36:37With the knife
36:39He's
36:40I think I know
36:40I think I know
36:41It says the umbrella
36:43And the egg cup
36:44Is Christopher Luxon's
36:46Baldest f*** head
36:47And this is the
36:48Umbrella man
36:49What
36:50Umbrella
36:50At the rugby
36:51I don't know what the rugby thing is
36:53But it's at the rugby
36:54And Christopher Luxon
36:56Put the
36:56Umbrella
36:57Stop
36:58Over
36:58The man
37:00With the fluffy
37:00There's a cat
37:01Here
37:01Yeah
37:02A cat
37:02You're right about everything
37:04Except the story
37:08Australia
37:09Correct
37:10That's a big part of it
37:11Can we go on each other's hold
37:12Put it this way
37:12Di's getting very excited
37:13About the story
37:14Yeah it's obviously
37:14None of you are religious
37:16You're literally
37:18Jesus' cloak's in there man
37:19Oh okay
37:20So it's the Warriors
37:21Oh no
37:22It's not
37:24It's not
37:25You
37:26You're my second Jesus
37:27You need to
37:28You need to go back
37:29More towards the Australian thing
37:30Sorry
37:30Down the egg
37:31That was in the egg cup
37:32Christopher Luxon
37:33Was at a rugby game
37:34In Australia
37:35It was the All Blacks
37:37Who were playing
37:37And he held an umbrella
37:39Over a man
37:41Oh god
37:41And that man
37:43Turned out to be
37:44Jeffrey Epstein
37:47That would be a news story
37:49As you can hear
37:50From Di's groans
37:50You are wrong
37:51Prime Minister
37:52Christopher Luxon
37:53Gallantly held an umbrella
37:54Over NRL commissioner
37:56Dr Gary Weiss
37:57As he announced
37:58Eden Park
37:58Will host its first ever
38:00State of origin match
38:01New Zealand government
38:03Reportedly paid
38:04Five million dollars
38:05For the privilege
38:06For that event
38:07When asked where the money
38:07Came from
38:08Prime Minister
38:08Said it's amazing
38:09What you can afford
38:10When you feed school kids
38:11Cat food
38:12So
38:14Alright well
38:15Jeremy's special game
38:16Already a bit of a success
38:17I have quietly repositioned
38:19The mystery box
38:21To team two
38:21It is your turn now
38:22Team two
38:23If you'd like to put your hands
38:24In there
38:24And tell me what story
38:26I have made
38:27Okay
38:28With my objet
38:29Day
38:29No mucking around
38:30This is like uni
38:31Oh right
38:33Oh gee
38:34Hey she's
38:35Okay there's something
38:35Oh sorry
38:36Is this bread
38:37Yeah you're holding something
38:38No that's a baguette
38:39I hate it
38:40Hey that's it
38:41It's a wet baguette
38:42That's
38:44Day old baguette
38:46Made by
38:46I'm just wet
38:47I just got wet
38:48A West Auckland baker
38:50I reckon
38:50What's this
38:51What else you got in there
38:52What's this
38:53Oh what's that
38:54We can't tell you
38:55Di take this off me
38:56What is it
38:56Baguette
38:57Water
38:58Oh gee
38:58What is that
38:59What is it
39:00This feels like a soapy shiv
39:02Might be something
39:03That goes in the water
39:04Do you know what this feels like
39:05There's two of them
39:06Oh this feels like
39:07Hold on I'm twiddling the ends
39:08On this one
39:08Me too
39:09You know what I feel like
39:10Oh this is a boat
39:11Yeah it's a boat
39:12Oh well done
39:13It's a boat
39:13A French boat
39:15Oh yes
39:15It's a French baguette
39:17Water
39:18Boat
39:18Crash them together guys
39:19Crash them together
39:20Water boat
39:21And this is a
39:22This is a
39:23Three week old
39:24Sistema
39:27Not relevant
39:28Not relevant
39:29Not relevant
39:30Not relevant to the story
39:30It's an America's Cup
39:32Some shit
39:32There's your boat crash in France
39:34Yeah there's
39:35The America's Cup
39:36There's another clue in there
39:37There's more stuff
39:38That you haven't dealt yet
39:39Towards the back of the box
39:40Towards your side
39:41I'm just getting
39:42Fingers and wet
39:43There we go
39:44Here die
39:44Hold it
39:45What's that
39:46That's you
39:47That's me
39:47That's my head
39:48Oh that's Abby
39:50Not relevant to the story
39:51Oh there's no
39:52Crapepaper
39:53No it's tinfoil
39:54Who's familiar with this
39:55A foil
39:55Is that like a yacht foil
39:56Yeah I've interned at Black Power before
39:58This is a tinny
40:03A foil is a thing on a boat
40:05Yeah the foil's on the boat
40:07You know
40:07Get up on the foils mate
40:08What are you doing
40:09No because they do
40:10Get up on the foils mate
40:12Okay I'm getting really
40:13I mean
40:13You've got all the pieces
40:15Put it together
40:16Boat, mate
40:16Foil
40:17Foil
40:17America's Cup
40:18Maybe
40:18Yeah French
40:20Rainbow warrior
40:24What you're doing
40:25At the moment
40:25Is called
40:25Doing an anset
40:28Remember they don't
40:29Know my name
40:32Doing a jack
40:34Okay
40:34Hey Jack
40:36When did you get here
40:40Good to see you bro
40:46Give me a story
40:48The next America's Cup
40:49Is being held in France
40:50Oh my god
40:53Incorrect
40:53I'll give you the real answer
40:55Drama on the high seas
40:56As you all know
40:56The New Zealand
40:57Black foils
40:58The name of the boat
40:59Were forced out of the
40:59Auckland Sail GP
41:00After a high speed collision
41:02With the French boat
41:03Black foils
41:04Have had to switch
41:05To their backup option
41:06Which is
41:06Lisa Carrington
41:07In a canoe
41:09Alright
41:10Team 1
41:11For points
41:12Team 1
41:12You can get the height
41:13Supreme Halberg award
41:14Win Hamish Kirk
41:15And jump
41:152.36 metres
41:17Pretty high
41:18Team 2
41:19You can have the height
41:20Of two Dye Hemwards
41:21On top of each other
41:223.3 metres
41:23Hamish couldn't jump
41:24Use
41:25Team 2 wins
41:26And gets a star
41:27Well done
41:27There he is
41:28Oh no you're right
41:30He's both
41:31Great game of
41:33Feel the news
41:33For the first and last time
41:35You've seen that
41:35Fantastic game
41:36Guess the insides
41:38Of my box
41:39I've got a few other
41:40Special games
41:41I'd like to introduce you
41:42To this season
41:42In 2026
41:43I can't wait
41:44But it's time now
41:45For you at home
41:46To get your brains
41:47Into gear
41:47For your turn
41:48At the Burger Fuel
41:49Brain Grill
41:50What is going on
41:51In this image
41:52It is from 1995
41:5330 years ago
41:55When Burger Fuel
41:55First started
41:57Alright
41:57Hit us up on Instagram
41:58Or Facebook
41:59With your crack up answer
42:00You could be taking home
42:01Dinner thanks to
42:02Burger Fuel
42:02Alright break time now
42:04When we come back
42:05We are going to crown
42:05One of these teams
42:06The inaugural winner
42:07For 2026
42:08With Beat the Ding
42:09See you soon
42:19Oh welcome back
42:21For those of you
42:22Who have just joined us
42:23Where the hell have you been
42:24We're about to play
42:24Our last game
42:25You missed the bloody
42:26Jeremy special
42:26Guess what's in my box
42:28Oh it doesn't matter
42:29I'm going to play
42:30Beat the Ding now
42:31Where I put these comedians
42:32To the test
42:32I make them list answers
42:34Before I go to town
42:35On my dinger
42:36Every successful dingy
42:38Earns their team
42:39A potentially game winning star
42:40Alright
42:41Let's get dinging
42:42Here we go
42:43Former American president
42:45Barack Obama
42:45Said aliens exist
42:47On a podcast this week
42:49I agree
42:49About time
42:50Abby
42:51You've got 13 seconds
42:52To name five American presidents
42:54In an alien voice
42:56Andrew Jackson
42:59George Washington
43:00People
43:03I've got Fitzgerald
43:05I mean
43:06I mean
43:07Franklin Roosevelt
43:08And also
43:11Obama
43:11And Ronald Reagan
43:13That'll do
43:14That'll do it
43:16Yeah well done
43:16The star for you
43:17Well done Abby
43:19Some Milo bars
43:21Have been recalled
43:21After concerns
43:22The product may contain
43:23Pieces of rubber
43:24Not good
43:25Rhys
43:25Ten seconds to tell me
43:26In order
43:27The definitive ranking
43:28Of the top five
43:29Chocolate bars
43:30In the world
43:30Go
43:31Oh okay
43:32Number one with a bullet
43:33Snickers
43:35Number two
43:36I'm going to go
43:37Luxury Flake
43:38Number three
43:39Whitaker's Peanut Slab
43:41Number four
43:43Anything Caramello
43:45And number five
43:47Kit Kat
43:47Well done
43:49Five of them
43:50Star for Rhys
43:51Give him a round of applause
43:52For Rhys
43:53Alright
43:54These guys are making it
43:55Look easy
43:55It is not easy
43:56It is however
43:58Chinese New Year
43:58The start of the year
43:59Of the horse
44:00Die
44:00You have nine seconds
44:01To make up five horse names
44:03Whilst commentating
44:05A horse race
44:06Go
44:06Coming around the corner
44:07I've got Rumpel Foreskin
44:08And you've got
44:10Hoppaw on the back
44:11With the two ladies
44:12Gone fat
44:13And you've got
44:14Around the corner
44:15With the
44:15Fum Fum Bam Bam
44:16And you've got
44:18Shiniqua
44:18Tinsel
44:19And Badang Dang
44:20Badang Dang
44:21Coming on your back
44:24Which one's
44:26In English
44:27Badang Dang
44:29Shiniqua
44:30Shiniqua
44:31Tinsel
44:32And Badang Dang
44:33That's the trifecta
44:35I believe
44:35For the Melbourne
44:36That's so good
44:37Well done
44:38Well done
44:38The flamethrower
44:41And the ring burner
44:42Back on the menu
44:42At Burger
44:43If you'll watch out
44:44For the Battle of the Burn
44:44It's coming soon
44:45Brinley
44:45Give you 14 seconds
44:47That's a lot
44:47To name five spicy things
44:49Whilst your mouth
44:50Is burning
44:51Go
44:52Chili
44:54Jalapenos
44:55Fire
44:56The pits of hell
44:57And an STI
45:00The pits of hell
45:06And an STI
45:07Well
45:08Alright
45:09Star for you
45:09Well done Brinley
45:10It is Kaka Po
45:11Mating season
45:12Jazzy
45:1212 seconds
45:13To give me
45:13Three pick up lines
45:15For Kaka Po
45:17Call the Kaka Po
45:18Lease
45:19Because I'm too hot
45:21I'm small and fat
45:22And green
45:22Love me
45:23I'll rip your
45:24F***ing
45:25Winskeen Rappers
45:25Off
45:26But you'll love it
45:32And that is why
45:34They're not good
45:34At breeding
45:35I think
45:36It's great
45:37Okay we're going
45:37To give you that
45:38Well done
45:38The star for Jazzy
45:39A new trend
45:40Has emerged this week
45:41Dark showering
45:43It is as it sounds
45:44Showering in the dark
45:45Apparently helps you
45:46To get to sleep
45:46Jack
45:4715 seconds
45:48To shut your eyes
45:49And take us through
45:50Your shower routine
45:51Please
45:51Go
45:52That is personal
45:54Information
45:55I start with the balls
45:58I lather my whole body
46:01In the wash
46:02And I use
46:03A Lynx branded
46:04One called
46:06Xbox lift your game
46:07And so
46:08I get in all the nooks
46:10And crannies
46:10And then I just stand there
46:11And drip
46:12Because I apparently
46:13Get too much water
46:14On the shower mat
46:15So I just sort of
46:19That's good
46:19You're getting yourself
46:20A star
46:20Well done
46:24Alright that is us
46:24All that's left to do
46:25Is award our winner
46:26Let's have a look
46:27At the star chart
46:27Boy oh boy
46:28Taking home the relic
46:29That leaning tower of pizza
46:30Hopefully you're not announcing
46:31They've been cheating
46:32On their partner
46:33At the same time
46:33Deep toe
46:34Well done
46:39Well done to you
46:40For watching
46:41And now please
46:41Join me in thanking
46:42Rhys, Jack, Brinley
46:44Di, Abby
46:45And Jazzy
46:46We'll see you in seven days
46:47On seven days
46:47Good night
47:01Thanks New Zealand on air
47:02Especially for funding
47:03My new segment
47:04Jeremy's special game
47:05Time for me to head home
47:06And play Jeremy's other
47:08Special game
47:09Oh
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