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7 Days - Season 18 - Episode 03: Thursday March 5, 2026
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00:20Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who doesn't identify with those rather narrow
00:24definitions of a human being, welcome along to Seven Days, I'm your host, my name is Jeremy
00:28Corbett. Tonight we will look back at the week of news and test these six clever comedians on what's
00:33stuck in their brilliant brains. Let's meet them, shall we? Leader of Team One is currently touring
00:37the country on his stick tour. Go look that up. It's the roll-on deodorant that put on a shirt
00:42and
00:42became a real man, Paul Ego. Thank you, Geoffrey Crayfish. We've got a great team on Team One
00:53tonight. First of all, someone who's smashing comedy despite that voice and somebody who's
00:58smashing comedy despite that face. Yes, it's Becky Umbers and Josh Thompson. Yeah. Wow.
01:06Holy cow. Wow. Hey, it's March, which the leader of Team Two claims is an actual sport, while Hayley
01:13Sproul. How dare you for the insulting of that. Oh, hello. Anyway, listen, I'm a little bit nervous to be
01:21the captain
01:21of Team Two tonight because she's currently pregnant and his wife is currently pregnant. So I really want
01:27them to keep their fertile seeds away from me. It's Elisa MacLeod-Whiting and Tony Lyall.
01:37Well, disappointing teams, but that'll make a disappointing night. Here we go. Newsmakers is
01:40where we start this week. We talk about the two biggest news stories of the week. Actually,
01:45might just skip over the biggest news story, eh? Go straight to the others. Team One.
01:50You get to fill in the blanks in this situation. Have a look at this. This is your cue for
01:54a news
01:54story. Fill in the blank and tell me what the story is. Why is it a newsmaker? Um, is it
01:59Corbett's search history? Oh, looks like Tummo's getting on the show a little bit more often now.
02:07Interesting. I always delete it.
02:10Would you pay $360 for your family back?
02:15Uh, is the answer $500 worth of meat? You can in some places.
02:22I did see something this week that was around the $300-ish mark. A story a couple of days
02:29ago about, it was prices for camping, like next summer, and how exorbitant they become.
02:34So is it maybe that? Ah, yeah. Well done, Paul. The price of camping in New Zealand is getting
02:39out of hand. Reports of a beachside campground setting you back almost $360 for a single night.
02:45Many are crying foul, claiming the classic Kiwi camping dream is dying. Man, things have
02:50really changed, haven't they? I remember just a few years ago when you could find a nice
02:53camping spot on Parliament Lawn.
02:54You didn't know that? That's all gone up in flames. And they had all those cool activities.
02:59Yes! Fireworks, fights, and the music was pumping. Oh, such a good vibe. Whatever happened
03:06to those days? Oh, it just all went up in flames.
03:10Like, the prices have gone up. Like, seriously, when I was young, you could go camping for like
03:15a week for $40. I went like on a scout camp for $40. Most of the time was spent hiding,
03:20though. Do you feel like now that it's so expensive, it'll just be rich people camping
03:25and kind of cosplaying as, like, poverty cosplay? Yeah. For like $360, experience the unique
03:32thrill of homelessness or something. Yeah, the unique thrill of the government going, move
03:35on, move on. Isn't it thrilling, darling? They'll be explaining to their rich friends,
03:39it's like glamping, only for povers. Yes. I was legitimately cold all night. I was legitimately
03:44cold. Just talking to their neighbours, they're like, what's the thread count on your tent?
03:47Yeah. We bought owls from Kath Mandu. Not the store, Richard Mandu's wife, Kath.
03:55She sells the most amazing tents, Kath. But $360 is a lot for a campsite. You'd think
04:03there'd be some extras thrown in. But there are extras thrown in, like when you go to the
04:06shower, you get to see someone else's urine scurry past you at the bottom. That's exciting.
04:10You get that unique brand of fungus as well from those camp showers. The athlete's foot without
04:14the hassle of being an athlete. Yes. Yeah. Those showers at campgrounds are great because
04:19if you're in there, the only way anyone can see you're in the shower is through the bottom
04:23of the door. Yeah. Or over the top of the door. Yeah. Or through the holes in the door.
04:28That's right. Or from standing on the broken toilet that's next to it. Yeah. So it's really
04:33private. You've really investigated this quite a bit. I mean, if you think the price of camping
04:37is expensive, wait until you find about the price of living in a house. Yeah.
04:42Well, take two. Are you ready for a bit of a newsmaker?
04:45I'm not sure. We'll give it a go. I've got a photo for you. Have a look.
04:47Oh, hello. That's just Ariel after she is a Brazilian.
04:52I was going to say, it looks like the photo of a bin at the back of a Disneyland fish
04:55and
04:56chippy. Oh, yeah.
04:57I reckon that is what you put in the magic bullet to make glitter.
05:04Moolied up mermaid fish. You get a few mermaids. What? And then you go, there you go.
05:09No, this is, isn't there like a rise in people who are making like online content as merpeople
05:17and they put on these like latex sort of thin tubes and swim in the water?
05:22Yeah. Bang on, Hayley. Yeah. I like that you didn't yuck their yum. New viral trend.
05:26Taking the world by storm. It's mermaiding where people put on fishtails and film themselves
05:30flopping around doing the full Ariel impersonation. And you know what? I actually get it.
05:35Do you? Yeah, I can relate to the mer community. Because one time I accidentally put both legs
05:39into the same hole in my wetsuit. Yeah. And initially I was like, this is really uncomfortable.
05:45Then you get in the water and it's like, I see why you do it now. I see.
05:50That's my problem with the whole, because I'd love to be a mermaid, but finding shells big enough
05:54for these bad boys are real. Like, I mean, sure. Like, yeah, your scallops are a waste
05:58of time. Powers have no support whatsoever. And just a tip, guys, if you are getting into
06:02the mermaid community, it's worth taking the time and spending the money to get your shell
06:06bra fitted properly. Yeah. I've been a mermaid before. My kids will, um, on the beach, they
06:11make me lie down and they cover you in sand and make a tail and they build sort of sand
06:15boobies and they're like, can we break down the sandcastle now, Daddy? And I'm always
06:18like, not just yet. Didn't they start as the sirens on the rocks that would lure sailors
06:25to their death? Isn't that where the mermaids would sing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'd sing
06:27you a song. Yes. Yeah. Sirens. Sirens. Yeah. And I think they were, in real life, they were
06:32just sex-deprived sailors who would see a manatee and be like, you know what? I might give it
06:36a go. Yeah. It would be gutted, wouldn't you, if you ended up, like, you've spent all this
06:41time learning how to swim underwater and then suddenly you get fished up and you just end
06:44up in some guy's Tinder profile pic, like, check out this giant mermaid I fought you. Yeah.
06:51I've actually been mermaiding. You've been mermaiding? Yeah. Well, I took my top off at the fish
06:56market, but I've still made the news. No, I haven't. No, when I was younger, I made a tail
07:02from some plastic from para-rubber and some flippers because I saw on 60 Minutes these
07:08girls that said they had, they'd had tails and they said you could swim fast, as fast
07:11as a dolphin. Whoa. Yeah. No, I couldn't swim that fast, but I do try and have sex with
07:17tourists at the beach a lot, so. Okay. I've tried going the other way, like, just having
07:22fish up top and just fully nude downstairs. Yeah. But the police don't like that either.
07:27No, it's fine. It doesn't matter if you get a fresh dolphin scalp and put it on your head,
07:31you're not allowed to have it out. Alright, good round of newsmakers. We go to the scores
07:36now. Team one, you can have 576. That's how many days new AB's head coach Dave Rennie
07:41has to sort the team out pre-World Cup. Lol. Jokes. Actually, 575. Clock is ticking, Dave.
07:46Congratulations on the job. Team two, you can have 20. That's the number of writers hired
07:50for the UK version of Saturday Night Live. One, and while I mention it, being our very own
07:55Joseph Moore from Seven Days, well done, Joseph. Yeah. If you need a host or anything, you've
08:02got my number. I mean, you don't return my calls, but you've got my number. Pretty sure
08:06you've got, I gave you my number. Anyway, 384,000 beats 20. The star for newsmakers goes
08:10to team one. Oh, good stuff. But hey, Corby, I hear you ask, what's the point of the stars?
08:19Well, the most stars at the end of the show wins a highly sought-after prize ripped straight
08:24from the headlines. And here it is. Yeah, check that out. Now you can be a mermaid too. Your
08:30very own DIY mermaid kit slides smoothly and effortlessly into your shiny, shimmery new
08:35fishtail made 100% from the finest scales from proven sustainable sources. The saw, of course,
08:41for hacking off your now useless legs. Won't need them anymore. Pro tip, measure twice, cut
08:46once. Time to move on. I've got an incredible mystery guest hiding behind this wall, itching
08:52to get into a round of Guess Who. Game's pretty simple. We track down a local hero, steal them
08:56away from their cushy lifestyle, stuff them into a smelly sack, and then they have to answer
09:01yes or no questions from the comedians till someone guesses their identity. Pretty simple.
09:05Please clap and cheer for our Guess Who guests.
09:10This way. I'm going to jump behind you now and I'll guide you in. There you are, that's
09:16perfect. All right. Your job as a straightforward guest, just answer yes or no. Teams, you get
09:23a no, it goes to the other team. Team one, you can start.
09:26Guest, does the story you're involved with involve sport?
09:31Yes. Ooh. Are you the person when I was at the pub the other day and I went to the
09:36toilet
09:37and you came out of the toilet and you said, oh, don't worry, the flush doesn't work, I'm
09:41not just an animal. Then, you left without washing your hands.
09:46No. No. That is not. Wait, so involved in sport, have they just got back from Italy?
09:53Oh, yeah. Oh. Speaking Italian.
09:55Yeah, er, je m'appelle Torino. No, that's me.
09:59Emma, you recently have been in Italy. Perfect.
10:03No. No.
10:04It's a no. Team one.
10:06OK, so not Winter Olympics, but sport.
10:09I've seen a lot of social meds, sock med recently.
10:12Go on.
10:13About our, um, football ferns.
10:16Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
10:18Do you play soccer slash football?
10:21No.
10:22Idiot! You're an idiot!
10:23I am an idiot. I'm sorry, man.
10:24Team two.
10:25Other than the, um, noted sport of marching, sport's not really my area of expertise, but
10:32Tony, you spend a lot of time, you do some commentating?
10:34Yeah, well, I was wondering when you were talking about the Winter Olympics, but I wonder, have
10:39you gone to an Olympics?
10:41Yes.
10:41Oh!
10:42This is big.
10:43And I'm out.
10:45Did you win a medal at that Olympics?
10:48Yes.
10:48Whoa!
10:50Rugby.
10:50Was it a, was it a gold medal?
10:53Yes.
10:53Rugby.
10:53Oh!
10:54Please.
10:55Have you run a Women's Rugby World Cup?
10:57Yes.
10:58Have you recently retired?
11:01Yes.
11:02I hear you Porsha.
11:03Oh!
11:03Yes!
11:04Oh!
11:10Welcome to the show.
11:12Thank you so much.
11:16Great.
11:16You're welcome.
11:31New Zealand's history. Yeah. That's amazing.
11:33Didn't you one time score like eight tries
11:35in a game? Yeah.
11:37Wow. Was your coach when you were young never teaching a pass?
11:40Reading much.
11:42I can't pass
11:43so I just got to run.
11:46So you've just announced your retirement?
11:48Yes. For reals this time?
11:49For reals this time. Because that was number two.
11:51I want to go back.
11:53Really quickly call me. Yeah go.
11:55It's as nice as someone who knows when to retire.
11:57Yeah.
11:59You want to feel your exit you know.
12:01Oh yeah. When time's up. Mine'll be when my heart
12:03stops. That'll be
12:05the sign. Fantastic.
12:07I want to go back to
12:08when you first went. Because you were quite a speedster
12:11from a very young age weren't you? Yeah.
12:13I used to run track and field when I was.
12:14But wasn't it even primary school you were four years old
12:17beating the six year olds? Yeah.
12:19My biggest dream was just to beat the boys.
12:21So whatever age group I just wanted
12:23to beat the boys. And you're. So your
12:25dad and your uncle ex all blacks
12:27but your mum was into netball. Was she.
12:29Did she push the netball? Big time.
12:31Big time wanted me to be a sofa and wanted me
12:33to have the black dress and everything.
12:34Wanted to be the next Timurputta George.
12:37Yeah of course. Wow. Clearly you didn't listen to her.
12:39No. Because you said you can't pass.
12:42It's all about a running.
12:43It's so nice to know that I've actually got like
12:45something in common with you. Because I'm a big speed
12:47guy as well. Like I took some and I love the
12:49prodigy. Yeah.
12:51When did you know it was rugby then? Because you actually
12:53because I think was it Mount Albert Grammar didn't
12:55have that as an option initially. No.
12:57When I had my interview at Mount Albert Grammar
12:59my dean at the time was like
13:01I hope you're one of those girls that don't play rugby because we
13:03don't have rugby at the school. Wow.
13:05And like every kid in New Zealand
13:07loved rugby but just wasn't able to play it
13:09and netball was the career for women
13:11at that time. And then somehow you got
13:13into the rugby and did you just know all of a sudden
13:15oh this is this is the sport. Yeah.
13:18When it became an Olympic sport
13:19I was going to turn up at 2016
13:21Olympics. I was like oh yeah this is me.
13:23I get to run 100 metres. Run away
13:25run over run through people. That's
13:27that was a dream for me. Amazing.
13:29Speaking of running through people
13:31in the Rugby World Cup final at Eden Park
13:33I was there with my son. Someone tried to
13:35run through you and you got KO'd. Yeah.
13:37And they got a red card
13:39and that sort of led to the
13:41comeback and that famous victory.
13:43Do you think you're a bit robbed for player of the day for getting
13:45knocked out? Yeah. Well I feel like
13:47we won because of it right? Yeah.
13:49Down to 14 people.
13:51Nah. It was a dream finish.
13:53Obviously I had to sit underneath the stadium
13:55listen to the crowd. Yeah. Was it English
13:57crowd? Is it a New Zealand crowd? That was probably the hardest
13:59part. They didn't get you out to watch?
14:01No I wasn't allowed to. Because that was one of the greatest
14:03moments in New Zealand. Rugby the steal. The line out
14:05steal. The line out the hand. From England that had been
14:07scoring regularly from that. No I missed it all.
14:09I was underneath the stadium. Oh wow.
14:11What's next for you?
14:13Commentary. That would be a dream.
14:14So we'd love to do some work with
14:17Sky. Yeah look. Yeah no.
14:18Pop for applause.
14:22I reckon we can make that.
14:24Stand up Tommy. Sure. So just do
14:26some commentary on this. So I've got
14:28the ball and I'm running. He's the defender.
14:31Just commentate this live alright?
14:32Oh. Oh.
14:33It starts getting real. Oh the goosey and his hammy.
14:36He's torn his hammy. Oh dear.
14:37We're going to have to go to break
14:39after this. Back to you.
14:40Great. That's lovely.
14:46Portia Woodman-Wickliffe ladies and gentlemen. Give it up for you.
14:50Thank you so much. Thank you.
14:51Thank you Anthony.
14:51You're a champion.
14:54Wow.
14:55Boom. And there it is. A star goes
14:57to team two. Well done Tony.
15:03It is time now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
15:05brought to you by Burger Fuel who are not only our sponsors
15:07but also my best friends now.
15:09In this game we're jumping in a time machine to check
15:11whether these comedians who regularly forget their own
15:13pin numbers can remember moments from the year
15:162003.
15:17Team One, you're up first.
15:19Here's your clip from 2003.
15:21A lot of people thought that New Zealand couldn't pull this off.
15:26Well they were wrong.
15:28Is it New Zealand escapes being on another map for something?
15:35Was it they didn't think we could get 200,000 road cones
15:38onto the streets of Auckland?
15:42That was from the premiere of Lord of the Rings Return of the King.
15:45Won the Oscar for Best Picture.
15:47Orcs, trolls and hobbits flooded the streets of Wellington
15:49for the first screening and that was just public servants.
15:52Stick around.
15:55Both team two and team you at home
15:57will get a chance at your very own Burger Fuel Brain Grill
15:59later in the show.
16:00We've got a cracking game at Club Topicana
16:01you won't want to miss.
16:02It's right after this break on Seven Days.
16:05APPLAUSE
16:15Hi everyone, welcome back to Seven Days.
16:17Well we are now firmly in the thongs of autumn.
16:20What better time to get firmly in your thongs of autumn
16:22for a trip to the beach.
16:23It's Club Topicana.
16:24Play the steel drum!
16:35Yes, Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
16:39George Michael of Wham!
16:40sang that Club Tropicana drinks are free.
16:42Well the drinks at Club Topicana are also free.
16:45They're also all pineapple juice.
16:46If you ask for any other type of drink
16:47you're escorted from the beach
16:48and locked away in prison for the rest of your life.
16:50Inside this delicious Dole Pineapple
16:52a selection of ace news stories
16:53that had me fizzing to hear more about.
16:55Let's see what made the cut this week.
16:58Yes, private schools.
16:59Private schools throughout New Zealand
17:00have seen a rise in interest from parents
17:02wanting to enrol their kids.
17:03All sounds pretty flash to me.
17:05Teams, I want you to show me scenes
17:06from New Zealand's richest private school.
17:14Sorry, it was a question.
17:16So the blankets that they gave the Maoris
17:20were they at least like a high thread count
17:22or was it like microfibre from briscoes?
17:29Attention students, it's time to take the roll.
17:32Today's roll is an artisan ciabatta.
17:37Your choices are crayfish
17:39or caviar?
17:46Fisher?
17:49Paykel?
17:52Guthrie?
17:55Balrog?
18:00The Warehouse, are you here?
18:06You haven't been colouring inside the lines, Theodore.
18:10That's OK.
18:11We'll have the lines moved.
18:17Good morning, Mr Corbett.
18:22Morning, children.
18:24Today I bring you a tomo.
18:28You will all be issued with a tomo
18:30to do with as you please.
18:32Today he will be the globe.
18:35Turn, tomo.
18:36Turn.
18:38Turn or I will whip your Venezuela.
18:48Yeah, we do have a zero-tolerance approach
18:51to bullying.
18:55No, no, no, I mean it.
18:56I mean it.
18:56The girls don't play any mind games.
19:06I've got a substitute teacher today.
19:09We should totally prank her.
19:10Yeah, yeah, I reckon
19:11we should get her KiwiSaver
19:12and change her from a growth fund
19:14to a conservative fund.
19:17She's going to lose thousands.
19:26Today there will be a note
19:28going home to all films
19:29about school pick-up time.
19:32Oh, mind her
19:33that when picking up your children
19:35from the marina
19:38in your jet ski,
19:40please accelerate accordingly
19:41because there has been a lot of wash
19:44onto the teacher's yacht.
19:48All right, back to the pineapple
19:49for our next story.
19:51All right, OK.
19:52Yeah, this week Air New Zealand pilots
19:53Alice and Sarah McElroy
19:55flew together for the first time.
19:56Quite a feat
19:57as they are mother and daughter.
19:59Very cool.
19:59Working with your family
20:00can be stressful
20:01at the best of times,
20:02let alone at 38,000 feet.
20:03I'd like you to show me, team,
20:05some other examples
20:06of working with your mum, please.
20:09Oh, darling, darling,
20:10join me in the lunchroom.
20:12Oh, is that what you're having?
20:13Hmm, has he just given up
20:15on the diet, have you?
20:21Oh, I don't want to file
20:23the quarterly report, mum.
20:25Oh, I did my KPIs already.
20:34She's making me work
20:35before I'm even born.
20:39She's not even cutting me in
20:40on her feet.
20:41Shush, look, play nice
20:42and I'll give you
20:43a little sip of wine later.
20:45Oh, it kicked.
20:47OK, a sip of wine
20:48and a cigarette.
20:52Oh, darling,
20:52what did you think
20:53of my presentation?
20:55Oh, you didn't like it?
20:55OK, well, I'll just say nothing then.
20:57I'll just say nothing.
20:58No, I'll just sit here
20:59and I'll say no.
20:59Heather's a bit Ivan opinion.
21:07All right, everyone get ready
21:09and...
21:10Oh, mum.
21:12Oh, I don't think we should be
21:14working on the same adult film.
21:23As long as you don't look at each other...
21:24That's actually
21:25an incredibly popular category.
21:31OK.
21:32Charity and Whangarei
21:33has banded together
21:34and purchased
21:34the Kamo Wildlife Sanctuary
21:36so the lions who live there
21:37can remain in the peaceful tranquility
21:38that is suburban Whangarei.
21:40Imagine heading along
21:41to day one
21:42of bossing those big cats around.
21:43I'd like to see that.
21:45Give me some scenes
21:46from the first day
21:47owning a lion park, please.
21:49OK.
22:01That's all I wanted.
22:04Kill the rest.
22:09Well, welcome, everybody.
22:11This is our first school group today
22:12so everyone here is very excited.
22:14I had an interesting question before
22:16from the little boy
22:17who's been talking all morning
22:18and not listening.
22:19And, um, he said,
22:21can you ride the lions?
22:22Let's find out.
22:27Welcome to the lion park
22:29where it's pride month
22:30every month.
22:34Simba,
22:36everything the light touches
22:38is actually owned by the bank.
22:44OK.
22:44Like, what...
22:45Like, what if, though?
22:47What if I just
22:48open the gate?
22:50Like, bleh?
22:51You know what I mean?
22:53Bleah!
22:54Because I kind of only wanted
22:55the land for townhouses.
22:58LAUGHTER
22:58Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
23:00Hi.
23:01Yeah, it's me, the new owner.
23:02Um, I just...
23:03I know you said
23:04the keepers are here
23:05to feed the lions,
23:06but what do I do
23:07now that I'm out of keepers?
23:09LAUGHTER
23:14Well, welcome, everybody.
23:15It's pretty early in the morning,
23:17so the lions might not be up.
23:18In fact, they might be having a...
23:21lion.
23:22LAUGHTER
23:24That's my main joke.
23:26LAUGHTER
23:28We'll go to the next story
23:30from the pineapple.
23:32There was chaos
23:33at the marathon
23:34in Atlanta, Georgia,
23:35this week,
23:35when the race leaders
23:36were sent the wrong way,
23:37throwing the whole thing
23:38into disarray.
23:39I've never done a marathon,
23:40never will,
23:40bit too much running for me.
23:42But take us there, teams.
23:43Give us some examples
23:43of unlikely things
23:44to hear
23:45at a marathon, please.
23:47Mm.
23:49No, no band-aids
23:51on the nipples for me.
23:52I like the way it feels.
23:54LAUGHTER
23:59And the runners are off,
24:01and to make it extra interesting
24:02this year,
24:02we've added a little
24:03something special.
24:05Release the dogs.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:11Ooh!
24:12I think I just passed
24:13another Kenyan.
24:16LAUGHTER
24:22Do you know what's really
24:23helping my pace?
24:24these tits?
24:25LAUGHTER
24:27Me too.
24:28Do you know what's really
24:29helping me run?
24:29Those tits!
24:32LAUGHTER
24:33LAUGHTER
24:36LAUGHTER
24:36LAUGHTER
24:36I don't know.
24:38That's...
24:38That's not weird.
24:40Hot gravy?
24:42LAUGHTER
24:43Hot gravy!
24:44Get your hot gravy!
24:45Hot gravy!
24:46Throw it on your face!
24:48Hot gravy!
24:48Throw it on your face!
24:50LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:54All right, that is it.
24:55The flags have been stolen
24:56by those mermaid hussies.
24:58Beach is closed.
24:59Swim back to your desks.
25:00Play those steel drums.
25:02LAUGHTER
25:09LAUGHTER
25:12Ah, all right, well, after that, the scores.
25:15Team one, you can have the kilometres I'm going to walk
25:17in April.
25:18200 kilometres is to raise money for the Malligan Institute
25:21so we can do car tea therapy
25:22to cure cancer right here in New Zealand.
25:25Sponsor me.
25:25Google Go the Distance
25:27and maybe add the word cancer to narrow it down.
25:29All right.
25:30That's where you get 200.
25:31Team two, you get 384,400 kilometres to the moon.
25:34Hope you enjoy the blood moon on Tuesday
25:36thanks to the lunar eclipse.
25:37Team two gets the star.
25:40APPLAUSE
25:43Team two, you get your chance to melt your mind
25:45with your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
25:48I'll show you a clip from our year of the Lord, 2003.
25:50You simply tell me where it is from.
25:53Have a look at this.
25:54OK.
25:54Well, it's beautiful anyway.
25:57It's something to be very proud of,
25:59that we've achieved that,
26:00and nobody's done anything better since...
26:03Oh, this is my mum talking about my older brother.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:08LAUGHTER
26:09All right, yes, that was actually taken
26:11at Heathrow Airport in London in 2003.
26:13Final flight of the Concorde.
26:15Supersonic plane that can fly Mark 2, 2,000 kilometres per hour.
26:18Do Wellington to Auckland in just under 30 minutes,
26:20but why would you want to go to Wellington?
26:22All right, your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
26:24is approaching faster than Concorde.
26:26Stay tuned for that, and also after the break,
26:28we're playing History.
26:29See you soon.
26:30CHEERING
26:42Nau mai, hukibai.
26:43Welcome back to Seven Days.
26:45This week, Split Ends reunited.
26:46What better way to celebrate Split Ends
26:48than by proving them wrong
26:49and showing that history does, in fact, repeat
26:51with a game of history.
26:52In this game, I put four punters on parade,
26:55one of whom is a famous face from New Zealand's past.
26:57Let's see what we're serving up tonight.
27:00She's become our most successful table tennis player,
27:03winning national champs, a Commonwealth gold,
27:06and coaching hundreds of up-and-comers at her local club.
27:15The way she stayed in that point, points for the New Zealander, Lee Chun-Li.
27:27And what a way to finish it.
27:29There's a glorious victory for the 40-year-old Lee Chun-Li.
27:33Representing New Zealand, Lee Chun-Li.
27:36Lee Chun-Li, a very, very happy winner.
27:4140-year-old has represented New Zealand for a long, long time.
27:46One of the people in our line-up this evening
27:48is New Zealand's most successful ever,
27:50table tennis player Chun-Li,
27:52who won a gold, a silver and two bronze medals
27:54from the 2002 Commonwealth Games.
27:56Joining Chun-Li is a typographer,
27:58a Latin dancer, and a salesperson.
28:01Team Two, you can go first.
28:04Try and identify Chun-Li.
28:05Well done to all of you.
28:06Can I just ask all four of you just to go like this,
28:09as if you were typing?
28:11You can just go like this with the fingers.
28:12Look at Two's got the bubble, the curl.
28:14Number one's clueless.
28:15I don't think it's a typography.
28:18Wait, what's a typography?
28:21You think a typography is someone who types?
28:23A typist?
28:23It's in the f***ing name.
28:25No, they choose your font and all the rest of it,
28:28the typography.
28:29I am aware, so...
28:31I reckon we could get the dancer to sort of light up.
28:34So if I say ten, just say ten.
28:36OK, sure.
28:37OK, judges.
28:38All right.
28:38Ten!
28:39Ten!
28:39Ten!
28:40Number four, best time.
28:42For me, I have such a drawing towards number four
28:46being our table tennis player.
28:49It's literally she's wearing the sportiest outfit.
28:52Yeah, that's true.
28:53She does have some Lululemon on, potentially.
28:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:55It's giving big Lululemon.
28:57And then number two is wearing very jazzy shoes.
29:00I would say, like, very nimble shoes that she can move in quickly,
29:03you know, like salsa around the room.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Number one's eyes are really selling me like a house.
29:09Yeah.
29:09And I want to buy it.
29:10I can imagine her face on the side of a car.
29:12Yes!
29:13Yeah, I think number one's a salesperson.
29:15Like this, yeah.
29:16So, are we...
29:17OK, I think we're going to say number one is our salesperson.
29:20OK.
29:21Number two is our dancer.
29:23Dancer, yeah.
29:24Number three is our typographer.
29:27And number four is our table tennis champion.
29:30Are you happy?
29:30You think Trinley is number four.
29:32All right, team one, your turn.
29:33OK, Jeremy, first of all, did you say one of them is a Latin dancer?
29:37Yes.
29:37OK, I'm going to do a little bit of a cha-cha noise.
29:41And I want each of you to interpret that in a Latin dance.
29:45Are you ready?
29:47Oh!
29:50I don't think you can make them dance.
29:52This is crazy.
29:54Wait, I'll get the Latin dancer.
29:56Are you ready?
29:58In domini laude no...
30:03Good, good.
30:04OK, two's got pretty good rhythm.
30:06Can we get each of you, or maybe all together,
30:08to do the motion of a table tennis serve?
30:12Your best serve.
30:13On three.
30:14One, two, three.
30:15And serve.
30:16Oh, you've got to be quicker than that.
30:19I don't know.
30:20Either they're all shit.
30:23Or one of them is throwing us off the scent.
30:26OK.
30:27I reckon it's three.
30:28Yeah, I think three too.
30:30I think three would probably have a pen hold grip
30:33as opposed to a C Miller.
30:34Ooh, four!
30:36Four!
30:36I don't want to go on it,
30:37but I've played a bit of table tennis before.
30:39So you think it could be four?
30:40Four, the little...
30:41Did you say something else?
30:43What did you say?
30:43I think it's three.
30:44OK, fine.
30:45OK, fine.
30:46Let's say three.
30:47Let's just, look.
30:48Let's just do what you want.
30:49OK.
30:50I think four is our typographer.
30:52Mm-hmm.
30:53I think one is our salesperson.
30:55Mm-hmm.
30:55And I think two is our Latin dancer.
30:57OK.
30:57What about what me and Tom might think?
30:59As I said, just repeat what I said.
31:01OK.
31:02All right, so team one, you think Chun-Li is number three.
31:06Team two, you think Chun-Li is number four.
31:08Can I ask our most successful table tennis player ever,
31:12Chun-Li Li, to step forward, please?
31:15Oh!
31:15Yeah!
31:17Get up!
31:19Pop-up!
31:20Pop-up!
31:20Pop-up!
31:21Pop-up!
31:21Pop-up!
31:22Pop-up!
31:24Wow!
31:25Amazing!
31:26Thank you so much for joining us.
31:29Take me back.
31:30When did you first pick up a racket, a paddle, a bat?
31:34You got it, Jeremy.
31:35Great research.
31:36Yeah, great, yeah.
31:37Nailed it.
31:38What do you call it in table tennis?
31:40Racket.
31:40Racket.
31:41When did you first pick up a racket?
31:44Um, about eight or nine years old.
31:47Eight or nine years old?
31:48At a school.
31:49Did you play tennis first before you inserted the table?
31:53I played tennis sometimes.
31:55Yeah.
31:56Sometimes.
31:57Do you ever play the same game?
31:58Like, you get the table, but you put, like, cups on the table,
32:01and then you throw it up?
32:03Ping-pong ball.
32:04And then you go, boofka!
32:06Are you really good at that?
32:08We're not allowed to do that.
32:11You won the medals at the Commonwealth Games.
32:14You went to four Olympics, I believe?
32:16Yes.
32:17Four Olympics.
32:17And then you actually came out of retirement, was it last year?
32:21Two years ago.
32:22I replayed two years ago.
32:24Two years ago?
32:24Yeah.
32:25What is it with all these people who don't know when to retire?
32:29What do you do with the medal now?
32:31Obviously, a gold medal from the Commonwealth Games,
32:33like, does it sit above the fireplace,
32:34or do you, like, wear it around the house?
32:36Level, um, to my mother.
32:40Chun-Li, can I ask something of you?
32:42Tomo's been talking a big game.
32:44Big game.
32:44He reckons he can beat you at table tennis.
32:47You've never been beaten in New Zealand, have you?
32:49Would you be prepared to take on Tomo in a quick game?
32:52Yeah.
32:53Yeah!
32:54Yeah!
32:59I didn't know there was going to be a table here.
33:03Oh, OK, that's good.
33:06Just before we go to that,
33:08can I ask our typographer to step forward, please?
33:11At number four.
33:13Well done.
33:16Who is our Latin dancer?
33:18Latin dancer, there it is!
33:20And our salesperson, if you'd like to step forward as well.
33:23Well, fantastic stuff.
33:25That means Team One gets the start.
33:27Congratulations!
33:29All right.
33:30Commonwealth Games gold medalist Chun-Li
33:32up against Timaru High School top five.
33:36We didn't even play it at school.
33:39I'm not at my prime.
33:40I'm not at my prime.
33:41I've hurt my shoulder, like, lifting some...
33:42She should have to play with the big ping-bong ball on her.
33:45OK, OK, fine, fine.
33:46Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
33:50Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
33:51OK, kill him!
33:55One bill!
33:56OK, so you're doing the pin-hold grip...
33:59OK, fine.
33:59OK, cool.
34:00Oh, here we go.
34:01OK, here we go.
34:01Here we go.
34:02OK, here we go.
34:04Don't remember this bit!
34:05No, you don't know.
34:07Oh!
34:09Oh!
34:11Oh no!
34:11These boys these balls are from like came out
34:41It is over, Tomo you were beaten, Chun-Li is our champion
34:44Congratulations
34:54We're going to take a break while Josh picks up all those balls
34:57Tries to get his breath and his dignity back
35:00This isn't the last we've seen of this tennis table
35:03Because coming up is Jeremy's special game
35:05Alright we'll see you soon
35:19Welcome back to Seven Days all of you in Aotearoa
35:22It's time to whip out your balls and make quite a racket
35:24With a round of Jeremy's special game
35:25This week my special game is Ping Pong the News
35:28In this round a player from each team will go head to head
35:31In a high stakes table tennis match
35:33During which they must answer my topical trivia questions
35:36Most correct answers after we've summed up all the games
35:39We'll win and that team will get the star
35:41Got it? Really doesn't matter we're going to play it anyway
35:43Alright Paul and Hayley you're first up
35:45Grab your rackets, grab your balls
35:47Here we go
35:53So Paul is serving 45 seconds on the clock
35:56You want to get the questions right
35:57But you also want to win the table tennis
35:59I'm going to get my dinger just to make sure you know
36:01When the game is over
36:02Alright here we go are you ready?
36:03Start playing
36:04Which iconic New Zealand band reunited at Electric Avenue this week?
36:08Yes, what happens to the hair when the cuticle is damaged
36:10Leaving the inner to dry out and unravel?
36:13It curls
36:14No, it's the same as the first question
36:16Split ends
36:16Correct
36:17The Warriors open their season this weekend
36:19Where is their home ground?
36:20Mount Smart
36:21Mount Smart
36:21Go Media, Mount Smart
36:22Correct
36:22Which former Prime Minister was spotted house hunting in Sydney?
36:25Jacinda Ardern
36:25Correct
36:25What city has a new foal line discovered under this week?
36:28Hamilton
36:29I can't hear you Corby
36:30What city has a new foal line discovered under it this week?
36:33Wellington
36:34No
36:34Auckland
36:35Yes, correct
36:36Hayley gets one
36:37Thank you
36:38The New Zealand Open was last weekend
36:40If one under is a birdie
36:41What's one over?
36:42A chookie
36:43Bogey
36:44Correct
36:44Paul gets correct
36:45When was the most recent blood moon?
36:47Last night
36:48No, on Wednesday
36:50Tuesday
36:51Tuesday
36:52Tuesday
36:52Tuesday
36:52That is it
36:53It was Tuesday
36:58Oh my god
36:59Wow
37:00Thanks
37:00You're really good
37:01You're really good
37:02Really good
37:02Really good
37:03Yeah
37:03My scores
37:05Good game
37:06Good game
37:07By my measure
37:08Paul got five
37:09And Hayley you got two
37:10So the scores do accumulate though
37:12Next two up
37:13Becky and Lisa
37:14They're facing each other
37:19This is a bears two on one
37:23Get her
37:2445 seconds
37:25Go
37:26What New Zealand snack was King Charles recently seen with?
37:29The snack
37:29No
37:31Chocolate slab
37:32No
37:33Wow
37:34No hitting the host
37:35What are you doing?
37:37F1 start
37:38What are you doing?
37:39Get going in it to me
37:40F1 starts this weekend in Melbourne
37:42What does the F stand for in F1?
37:44Football
37:44Formula
37:45No
37:45Yes formula
37:46Correct
37:46One for you
37:47Saturday was the last day of summer
37:48She hit my baby
37:49What season are we in now?
37:51What did you say?
37:53Saturday was the last day of summer
37:54What season are we in now?
37:55Autumn
37:56Autumn is correct
37:56That is two for you
37:57We move on
37:58Jim Carrey was accused of wearing a mask this week
38:00Not being real
38:00In which movie does he famously wear a mask?
38:02Oh the mask
38:03Correct
38:04Recent reports about health star ratings came out this week
38:06Which rating is better for you?
38:07One star or five star?
38:08Five star
38:09Five is correct
38:09That is time
38:11Wow Lisa
38:18That is fantastic
38:19Becky you can sit down
38:21Tomo and Tony you are up
38:23Now at this stage
38:31Before we start I just want to say
38:33Corby
38:34Great game man
38:35You don't need to
38:36Don't need to battle me up
38:37Because at this stage I have team one on five
38:39And team two on six
38:40So you are leading by one point
38:43Okay 45 seconds
38:44I know what that means
38:453, 2, 1, go
38:46The town of Pairo is the home of Antiques
38:48What else is it known for?
38:49Alan Payne
38:50Who climbed the Empire State Building?
38:51King Kong
38:52Yes
38:52Well done
38:53What is the currency of Vietnam?
38:56Dong?
38:56Yes
38:57What sport are you currently playing?
38:59King Kong
39:00Correct
39:01Tauranga Council received 34 complaints about poo from which flying animal?
39:05A duck
39:06No
39:06It's a small one
39:07A human
39:08A cat
39:08Cow
39:09No
39:10It's bees
39:11I'm going to move on
39:12A couple are in custody after crashing a stolen watt and two tree in Hastings
39:15A car
39:16Motorbike
39:17Motorbike
39:17A limescooter
39:18A sex wagon
39:19No
39:20A dog
39:21A father and son couple bike around the world say which country's drivers are the most
39:25aggro
39:25New Zealand
39:26Correct
39:26What is the term?
39:28Opportunity shoppertunity often shortened to
39:29That is time
39:30Thank goodness
39:31Because I don't think the table can take it anymore
39:36Wow
39:39Really good
39:40Really good
39:42Yeah
39:42It's harder than it looks to stay calm
39:44Team one you got five
39:45Team two you got eleven
39:46Team two gets the start
39:47Yeah
39:50I've got a thing on
39:51I've got a sore shoulder
39:53Okay
39:53Alright
39:54It's your turn at home now
39:55To fire up your brains for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
39:57Take a look at this image
39:59It is from 2003
40:01Have a look at that
40:02What is going on in that image
40:04Have a look on our Facebook or Instagram pages
40:06Send in your funniest answer you could win
40:08Thanks to Burger Fuel
40:09You do that
40:09We'll prepare for a game of Caption That
40:11Don't miss it
40:12See you soon on Seven Days
40:24Oh this is Seven Days
40:26Welcome back
40:26I hope it's the show you're meant to watch
40:28It's the final part of the show we're playing now
40:30Caption that for the first time in ages
40:31Can't wait
40:32Teams
40:32I will show you a picture from the last seven days
40:34All you need to do is caption it for me
40:36Pretty simple
40:37Paul
40:37You're simple
40:38You can start
40:40Is this what happens inside my boyfriend's brain
40:42When I ask him
40:43What are you thinking?
40:46Is this trying to find your kid
40:48After the school trip to Motat?
40:51Is this just some of the people
40:53Tomo hasn't beaten in table tennis?
40:58Oh that's me in the middle
40:59Immediately after becoming single last year
41:05I see my milkshake
41:06Has brought all the boys to the end
41:09Is this when you open the door
41:11To Corbett's basement?
41:14Sunlight!
41:15Sunlight!
41:16Please!
41:16Please!
41:17Please!
41:18My scrape of water sir!
41:21Is this Tomo sheets under the microscope?
41:26Please!
41:27Sunlight!
41:28Please!
41:29Sunlight!
41:30Soap!
41:31Again!
41:32That is a small snapshot
41:34A small portion of the approximately
41:3610,000 men in loincloths
41:37Trying to snatch
41:38A lucky wooden stick
41:40During the EO Naked Festival
41:41In Okiyama
41:42In Japan
41:44Must go
41:44That's worse than what we were saying
41:46Back to you team one
41:48What's the caption for this picture?
41:49Oh
41:49Oh
41:50Oh yuck
41:51Scientists
41:52Attempt to grow a new Trump
41:57Lab workers at Ozempic
41:59Ask people to stop sending the fat
42:00You've lost back to us
42:03Brad just couldn't work out
42:04What went wrong with his first pavlova
42:08Is this transplant doctors looking at my liver
42:12After I ticked non-drinker on my donor board?
42:15I think it's what comes out of your baby's car seat
42:18Anytime you tip it up
42:19Yeah
42:21It's horrific
42:21Two young first home buyers are shown what they actually can afford
42:28The real caption there
42:29Trainees produce various rubber compounds
42:31At the Continental Rubber Plant in Korbach
42:33Which is in Germany
42:34Team two
42:35Your turn now
42:36Caption this
42:36Oh
42:37Oh that's my boyfriend when he's here
42:39Tells me to back dad ass up
42:43Man's friends don't want to tell him that when they advertise donkey rides
42:51Is it ninja donkey attacks man?
42:56Is it despite being the only donkey in the group
42:59Geoff insisted on playing Mary in the nativity?
43:07The real caption is
43:08An Afghan athlete carries a donkey on his shoulders to show his strength
43:12And we are impressed
43:13Both teams you did great captioning
43:15But for points let's give team one
43:18$334,800
43:19The prize Daniel Hillier earned for winning the New Zealand Golf Open in Queenstown
43:23Also got married eight days earlier
43:25So it's cool to play golf on your honeymoon
43:29Alright team two we're going to stick with golf
43:31You can have the score
43:32Stuart Duff shot at Hastings Golf Course last week
43:35He shot a 62
43:36Which is a great score
43:37But notable because he is 63
43:39Which means he achieved a rare feat of golfing
43:42By beating his age on the scorecard
43:45Congratulations Stuart
43:46Congratulations
43:47Team one you get the star
43:53And that means if we look at the star chart
43:55The overall winner for the night is
43:57Both teams it's a draw
43:58What a waste of time
44:01What a waste of time
44:03You can have this to the first week
44:05You have the saw
44:06You can have the bottom
44:09Enjoy your new lives as mermaids and mermens
44:13Make sure no evil octopus queens steal your voice
44:16Alright that just leads me to thank you so much for watching
44:18And please join me in thanking Paul, Becky, Josh, Hayley, Lisa and Clean Tony
44:22We'll see you in seven days on Seven Days
44:24Thank you New Zealand On Air
44:30Thanks to you I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:35Imagine me camping
44:36I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:37I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:37I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:38I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:39I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:39I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:39I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:40I can afford two nights at a campsite
44:40I can afford two nights at a campsite
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