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Laplaya
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00:00:16What advice do you give the comic of new or the seasoned comic
00:00:21that's in this position right now to walk away with a lifetime opportunity?
00:00:24You can be better than you normally are tonight.
00:00:27You know what I mean?
00:00:28I don't know if you watched the playoffs the last couple of days.
00:00:33Every now and then, there's always one player that plays better than he actually is.
00:00:37That could be you.
00:00:39It says it shits now.
00:00:40I'm not even performing.
00:00:41I'm like, did I do it?
00:00:43I'm thinking the last shit that I did, was I better than I was or did I do it better?
00:00:49I will just champion that by saying I am excited to see you guys take this stage tonight.
00:00:55I'm excited to see what you do with this next piece of opportunity.
00:00:59But I'm also excited to tell you, like, job well done in getting here.
00:01:03So, be comfortable in knowing that you didn't waste your time.
00:01:06Be comfortable in knowing that people see you, people are laughing with you.
00:01:10That's your reason and purpose for being here.
00:01:11So, go do your job tonight.
00:01:14Go do your fucking job.
00:01:15And I'm looking to celebrate you yet again at the end.
00:01:18Okay?
00:01:19Get fucking comfortable.
00:01:20I'm excited to see you guys perform tonight.
00:01:21All right?
00:01:26I went in search of the next generation of comedy.
00:01:28Coast to coast.
00:01:29And what I found blew me away.
00:01:31Look at this little nugget.
00:01:34We put them through their paces.
00:01:35The next stage will be a roast.
00:01:37Oh, God.
00:01:38And I have to be honest, the standard was sky high.
00:01:41Marshawn can't tell fucking white people apart, man.
00:01:45Marshawn has taken more shots to the face than Nicki.
00:01:49Tonight, you guys are doing lapical and crowd work.
00:01:52White lady.
00:01:53If you could have any power, what would it be?
00:01:55I don't know.
00:01:56You don't know?
00:01:57Maybe the power to think?
00:01:58Come on now.
00:01:59Well, I might have been the best out of the night.
00:02:01Now, six of them have something life-changing within reach.
00:02:04Their own Netflix special.
00:02:06Tonight, the world will be deciding who is going to the finals.
00:02:10With live voting in real time.
00:02:13Making it all the way to the semis is crazy.
00:02:16It's scary.
00:02:17What is the world like?
00:02:18We don't know.
00:02:19I'm excited to get to the next level.
00:02:20It's still not over.
00:02:22I'm feeling nervous as hell.
00:02:23We're here because we want to win, so let's go.
00:02:25One shot, no edits.
00:02:26I'm scared, but I'm ready.
00:03:01Sit down.
00:03:02Sit down.
00:03:03Sit down.
00:03:05Sit down.
00:03:06Sit down.
00:03:08Sit down.
00:03:13Such an amazing crowd.
00:03:15Such good energy.
00:03:16Shouts out to everybody up top.
00:03:19Shouts out to everybody in the back.
00:03:22Shouts out to everybody in the front.
00:03:26Oh, my gosh.
00:03:27Shouts out to all of you at home, man.
00:03:28I want to welcome you guys to Funny AF.
00:03:31I want to let you know that we are live in Los Angeles.
00:03:35Yes.
00:03:36Live.
00:03:37All right, guys.
00:03:38This is the semifinale.
00:03:41Semifinals, semifinale, whatever you want to say.
00:03:43And tonight, guess what?
00:03:44Here's the good news.
00:03:45You at home, you get to decide who moves forward to tomorrow night's live finale, guys, which
00:03:51is a big deal.
00:03:52A very big deal.
00:03:54Now, let me explain to you how it works.
00:03:56Pay attention.
00:03:57We got six comics, okay?
00:03:59First, we'll watch three comics.
00:04:01After you watch the three comics, you'll then vote for your favorite to move on.
00:04:05Then, we'll watch the remaining three comics.
00:04:08And again, you at home, you will vote for your favorite comic.
00:04:12But, it's not over for the comedians that don't make it through.
00:04:16Well, here's why.
00:04:16Because they'll have one more chance to win your vote later on in the show.
00:04:20All right?
00:04:21So, by the end of the night, four comics will be moving on to tomorrow's live finale.
00:04:25You guys understand that so far?
00:04:26You with me so far?
00:04:31Now, you guys know that I've been doing this for a long time.
00:04:35All right?
00:04:35A very long time.
00:04:37I don't need to say how long, because it shows my age.
00:04:41So, we can just understand I've been doing it for a very long time, man.
00:04:44And I've shared the stages with some incredible people.
00:04:46But, when I tell you that tonight, tonight is special.
00:04:49Please believe me when I say that.
00:04:51And it's because of my guest.
00:04:53My guest is one of the greatest comedians of all time.
00:04:56I do mean that.
00:04:57I don't say that lightly.
00:04:58I say it wholeheartedly.
00:05:00I say it wholeheartedly.
00:05:00And I'm honored to call this man a friend, a brother.
00:05:03More importantly, damn it, he's a fucking icon.
00:05:06He is a legend.
00:05:10He is a mentor.
00:05:13Instead of me talking about him, why don't I just bring him out?
00:05:15Please make some noise for my brother, Chris Rock.
00:05:17Come on out, Chris.
00:05:18Come on out, chicken feet.
00:05:21What do you think?
00:05:27I love the DJ.
00:05:28I love you.
00:05:31I love you.
00:05:32Yes!
00:05:33Yes!
00:05:35I love you.
00:05:37I love you, I love you.
00:05:39I love you, I love you.
00:05:41Thank you, thank you.
00:05:44Look at that.
00:05:46Look at that, Chris.
00:05:49All right.
00:05:51All right.
00:05:52Thank you. All right.
00:05:55All right.
00:05:57That's enough.
00:06:00Fuck.
00:06:08You look at me, I'm getting mad.
00:06:10All right.
00:06:12He deserves it, man. Welcome, dude.
00:06:14Hey, hey, thanks for having me.
00:06:16Yes. Thanks for having me, Kev.
00:06:18Uh, Chris, by the way, y'all don't understand this, man.
00:06:21Chris don't come out the fucking house.
00:06:22Chris does not come out the house.
00:06:24Chris don't do shit. Chris had a point in his career
00:06:26where he's like, don't fucking call me.
00:06:28I'm not doing shit. I'm chilling.
00:06:30But I get you to do shit. I get you to come out.
00:06:32You do. You do. This is a big deal, man.
00:06:33This is a big, big deal. It's a really big deal, Chris.
00:06:36Uh, as you know,
00:06:39as you know, man,
00:06:40I've been very much, like,
00:06:41adamant about finding the next voice
00:06:43in comedy, uh, the next
00:06:46person that takes on
00:06:47what we would love to see, uh,
00:06:49be the next stages of success in our craft.
00:06:52And tonight, I love the fact that you're here
00:06:53to support me on that journey. I am.
00:06:55More importantly, watch the people that have made
00:06:57it this far. I feel like your eyes
00:06:59and your input after will be
00:07:01so valuable to them because it was so
00:07:03valuable to me. So that's why you're here, man,
00:07:05because of the nuggets you gave me.
00:07:07I feel like you'll be able to give to this next generation, brother.
00:07:14Well, let's hope I can, uh, you know,
00:07:16I can, uh, help somebody get over the hump.
00:07:18Yeah. Tonight. Yeah.
00:07:19Uh, do you feel like they will get
00:07:21more nervous when they see you out in the crowd?
00:07:24Oh, yes. They better.
00:07:26They better. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:27They better. They better. Will you...
00:07:29I might have a job for them. Okay.
00:07:33I like it. I like it.
00:07:36Okay, listen. Tonight,
00:07:37guys, you at home watching live,
00:07:39you will decide the top four
00:07:41with your votes. And yes,
00:07:43you do have to be watching live
00:07:45to vote. I repeat, you have to be
00:07:47watching live to vote. So,
00:07:49let's test the voting out now because I want to make sure that we all
00:07:51have this and I want to make sure it works. Grab
00:07:53your TV remote. Go ahead.
00:07:55I'll give you a second. Grab it.
00:07:59You got it. All right. Okay. Now,
00:08:01now that you have it, I want you to understand.
00:08:03You will have one minute to answer this question
00:08:05below. Who
00:08:07is your favorite stand-up comedian
00:08:09of all time? It's a tough one.
00:08:11I know it's a tough one. It's a tough one.
00:08:13And I mean, honestly,
00:08:15how do you narrow it down? I don't know.
00:08:17I don't know. Uh, okay. All right, guys.
00:08:19Here you go. It's time for you to vote. And if you have any
00:08:21trouble, make sure that you update the latest Netflix app.
00:08:23And you guys play. No, no. That's not your
00:08:25favorite comic. All right. If you got any
00:08:27trouble, make sure you update your Netflix app or
00:08:28you can bring any questions to the Netflix Help Center
00:08:30online. Um, okay,
00:08:33look, Chris. It looks like the results are in. Oh,
00:08:35okay. Okay, let's see. Let's see.
00:08:37And the winner is... And the winner
00:08:39is... Oh, this is gonna shock you.
00:08:41This is crazy.
00:08:43It's good. No, it's Kevin Hart. They all chose
00:08:45me. They chose me.
00:08:46They all chose... Yeah, they chose me.
00:08:49It says Kevin Hart.
00:08:51Now, I will tell you guys
00:08:52in the audience... All the voters worked
00:08:54for Capital One.
00:09:01It's Chase Bank. God damn it, man.
00:09:03Chase Bank. Chase Bank.
00:09:04Fuck, man. I'm sorry. Okay. Now,
00:09:06for you guys, I will say that I was the only option
00:09:09to vote at the bottom. I just made it, Kevin Hart,
00:09:11Kevin Hart, Kevin, Kevin. So this way I wouldn't get my
00:09:12feelings hurt. But as we do now know,
00:09:15the voting does work. So, Chris,
00:09:17I don't think we waste any time, man. No time.
00:09:19I don't think we waste time. We got an amazing
00:09:21crowd here. We got an amazing audience at home.
00:09:24Yes.
00:09:25Let's go in and let's get
00:09:27to the competition. All right, guys,
00:09:29you know the rules.
00:09:30You know the rules.
00:09:32First up, a small-tail comedian
00:09:35who has taken on the world.
00:09:37It's Winston Hodges.
00:09:38Winston Hodges.
00:09:39Yeah.
00:09:41Generally, my comedy's not very
00:09:43mean. I'm just, like, really nervous
00:09:45because I want to do a good job.
00:09:47Winston. Very smart.
00:09:49Ability to misdirect
00:09:51the audience.
00:09:52I recently moved to Washington, D.C.,
00:09:55and I found this out. D.C. has been
00:09:57ranked the third gayest city
00:09:59in America. I am
00:10:01straight and competitive
00:10:03as hell. So...
00:10:06It's like, how many dicks
00:10:07to first, brother? What's the number?
00:10:09He has a very honest
00:10:11approach to him. I love you three.
00:10:13I love you three so much, man.
00:10:14We got fucking beast mode,
00:10:16least mode,
00:10:19yeast mode.
00:10:21Oh, my God.
00:10:23Whether it's the nervous energy,
00:10:24whether it's the erratic approach,
00:10:27somehow smooths itself out.
00:10:28There's no one like him. Nobody like him.
00:10:30I think he's creating a style of his own.
00:10:35Indeed he is.
00:10:36Ladies and gentlemen, give it up
00:10:38for Winston Hodges!
00:10:51Oh, man. Hell yeah.
00:10:53Since we're on Netflix, man,
00:10:55it's important for me to say this.
00:10:57My name is Winston,
00:10:59and it would be awesome
00:11:00if you all would quit
00:11:02naming your fucking dogs that.
00:11:05You know what I mean?
00:11:05I'm all fed up on it, brother.
00:11:08I'm 35 years old.
00:11:09I've met 7,000 to 8,000 dogs named Winston,
00:11:12and every last one of them's a little piece of shit
00:11:15that can't breathe.
00:11:15He can't breathe.
00:11:17Every dog named Winston
00:11:19is just an English bulldog with a CPAP machine.
00:11:22Every...
00:11:23Every last one, dude.
00:11:24I don't know, man.
00:11:24There's all types of animals named Winston right now.
00:11:27It's a popular animal name,
00:11:28and I know it's a popular animal name
00:11:29because my mother's favorite pastime
00:11:31is she likes to screenshot the Instagram profiles
00:11:34of different animals named Winston,
00:11:36and she forwards these to me every day
00:11:39as a constant reminder
00:11:40of how many animals have better careers than me.
00:11:44You know what I mean?
00:11:45Every day, every day, dude.
00:11:47It's true, man.
00:11:47She fucked me up three months ago.
00:11:49I woke up to two photographs
00:11:51and one message from my mother.
00:11:52The first photograph was of a bearded dragon lizard
00:11:55named Winston,
00:11:56and the second photograph was of
00:11:59what I can only describe as the fattest pig
00:12:01that I have ever seen.
00:12:04And I woke up to those two photos
00:12:06with one message from my mother,
00:12:07and all it said was,
00:12:08woke up, saw these two,
00:12:09could not help but think of you.
00:12:11And I think that that's a form of domestic terrorism
00:12:14is what I think that is, dude.
00:12:16Yeah, I think it should be against the law
00:12:17to send a photograph of a lizard and a pig
00:12:20to your chubby son with eczema.
00:12:22You know what I mean?
00:12:23I think that's an issue, man, dude.
00:12:25I love comedy so much, man.
00:12:27I don't hate my old jobs, though.
00:12:28I used to teach.
00:12:29I used to teach history at a school for autism.
00:12:32That was my full-time job.
00:12:33I appreciate it.
00:12:34I appreciate that, man.
00:12:36I do only tell y'all that I used to teach at a school for autism
00:12:39because it's very important for me
00:12:41that every person watching right now knows
00:12:43that I do not give a shit how you feel about me.
00:12:46I've never given a shit how you feel about my comedy.
00:12:51Because it will never change the fact
00:12:53that I'm a way fucking better person than you.
00:12:56You know what I mean?
00:12:57And it doesn't.
00:12:58It will never change that.
00:12:59I sleep like a baby every night, all right?
00:13:02I had one guy come up to me after a show,
00:13:04and he got in my face, and he goes,
00:13:05oh, yeah, you think you're better than me?
00:13:07He goes, you think you're hot shit?
00:13:09He goes, I'm a veteran of two wars.
00:13:12And I was like, damn, brother.
00:13:14Unless that platoon was autistic.
00:13:19You know what I mean?
00:13:20And they were.
00:13:21He was Coast Guard.
00:13:22So I thought I was pretty impressive of him, man.
00:13:26I left teaching for one reason and one reason only.
00:13:29I left teaching because when I was teaching,
00:13:31there was a big discussion going on about whether
00:13:33or not they should give teachers guns.
00:13:35You know what I mean?
00:13:36And I'm pro-Second Amendment,
00:13:37but I never wanted a firearm in my classroom.
00:13:39I mean, my basic thoughts are if you open or conceal carry
00:13:42and you don't have a history of violent crime
00:13:44or a severe mental illness and you want a gun,
00:13:45I'm fine with you having it.
00:13:47And I know that that's not everybody's background.
00:13:49So before I do my teacher have a gun joke,
00:13:51I do generally like to check the vibe in the room.
00:13:56Raise your hand if you've never shot a gun.
00:13:58Who's never shot a gun?
00:13:59Put your hand there.
00:13:59You've never shot a fucking gun.
00:14:01Holy shit.
00:14:01Kevin, could you get my backpack real quick?
00:14:03Is there any way?
00:14:04I'm just kidding.
00:14:06I didn't bring enough to share, you know.
00:14:09I don't know, man.
00:14:10You got to think about what you're asking teachers to do
00:14:12when you give them a gun.
00:14:13You're asking me in a crisis situation
00:14:15to stand up in a room full of terrified children.
00:14:19You're asking me to grab my gun.
00:14:21You're asking me to load my gun with bullets they made me pay for.
00:14:27They didn't put that shit in the budget.
00:14:30Yeah, ask any educator, you know, man,
00:14:32the county doesn't pay for dry erase markers.
00:14:34I don't think they're going to cover 9mm.
00:14:35You know what I mean?
00:14:36That's just true, brother.
00:14:38Yeah, man.
00:14:40I'll tell you, man, either I'm paying for them
00:14:42or I hope y'all are ready for one hell of a back-to-school list.
00:14:45You know what I mean?
00:14:46I'm really shaking the vibe up.
00:14:48The only argument I've ever heard
00:14:50that, like, made a little bit of sense about teachers having guns
00:14:52is I do have a family member that was like,
00:14:54Winston, we just want a last line of defense.
00:14:56And I was like, all right, man,
00:14:57if you want educators to be a last line of defense in this country,
00:15:00you can't just give us a gun.
00:15:01You need to motivate educators a little bit more than that, right?
00:15:04Like, I'm not going to kill somebody just because you gave me a gun.
00:15:07But my tune would be a hell of a lot different if instead of a gun,
00:15:09you just came up to me and you were like,
00:15:11hey, Mr. Hodges, for every active shooter that you kill,
00:15:18we are prepared to direct deposit $1.7 million.
00:15:25Yeah, brother.
00:15:26On a teacher's salary, I'll turn into John Wick.
00:15:28You know what I mean?
00:15:29Like, I don't think...
00:15:31Yeah, the only problem you run into,
00:15:32if you start paying teachers to stop active shooters,
00:15:35you're going to have broke teachers going up to the weird kids every day
00:15:37being like, you know David was talking shit, right?
00:15:41I'm just saying, maybe you want to come in here tomorrow
00:15:44and change both our lives.
00:15:46You know what I mean, man?
00:15:47I've been Winston Hodges, everybody.
00:15:49I appreciate you, man.
00:15:51Thank you, man.
00:15:57Winston Hodges.
00:15:58Show him some more love one more time, y'all.
00:16:00Show Winston some love.
00:16:02Thank you, man.
00:16:04You know, Winston, I say it, man,
00:16:07I've said it to you a couple times.
00:16:08I just admire your choice of material.
00:16:12I always have.
00:16:13I love how I feel like I just know more and more about you
00:16:16as this competition goes on.
00:16:18And I love that you don't care.
00:16:20Like, you don't care how the context is perceived
00:16:23because you make it so easy to understand you
00:16:27and your world and your environment.
00:16:28It's so your point of view, man.
00:16:30So, good job.
00:16:32What did you think, Chris?
00:16:34Uh, Winston, so you have a gun.
00:16:41If you don't win, I got a gun, too.
00:16:47Just letting you know.
00:16:48I appreciate you.
00:16:50Don't get no ideas, motherfucker.
00:16:52Yeah, absolutely.
00:16:53I'm with Chris.
00:16:56No, I don't have a gun.
00:16:57I'm just saying I'm with him.
00:16:58So you...
00:17:00Ladies and gentlemen, one more time for Winston.
00:17:01Please show us the love.
00:17:02Get out of here, Winston.
00:17:10We're in it, man.
00:17:11We are in the competition right now.
00:17:13We are here, right?
00:17:14The head is square.
00:17:15Got that Drew Carey thing happening, you know?
00:17:17Yeah, a little bit, right?
00:17:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:19A little Drew Carey.
00:17:20You know what's funny?
00:17:22I saw it, but I didn't want to say it.
00:17:24Drew Carey taking some Drew Carey pills.
00:17:26You said it live.
00:17:27So now I got to admit that I fucking thought about it.
00:17:30Drew Carey made a ton of money.
00:17:31He did.
00:17:33He did.
00:17:33He made a ton of money.
00:17:35Don't be mad at Drew Carey.
00:17:36He's in a big house somewhere right now.
00:17:39We'd bet you.
00:17:40Okay, all right.
00:17:42Okay.
00:17:43That's our cue to keep it going.
00:17:44Y'all ready for some more show?
00:17:45Yeah.
00:17:47Ladies and gentlemen, our second comic came out swinging at the roast of Marshawn Lynch.
00:17:52She's Olivia Carter!
00:17:57Well, Doc's kill shit.
00:17:59Come on.
00:18:00You better show it off, girl.
00:18:01Olivia Carter, the least experienced, but still a killer.
00:18:05I just love her demeanor.
00:18:06I love her style.
00:18:07I just asked out my personal trainer, and he said, sorry I'm not attracted to you.
00:18:13And I was like, well, whose fault is that?
00:18:17She is a great writer.
00:18:19Usama is from Bangladesh, so he actually eats pussy with his hands.
00:18:28Oh shit.
00:18:29Your jokes are hidden, your punchlines are delayed, and they have never not paid off.
00:18:35She's very good at staying true to herself, which I think is a talent within the craft of comedy.
00:18:43Yeah!
00:18:44Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Olivia Carter!
00:18:58Yes!
00:18:59Keep it going for me!
00:19:01Yes!
00:19:06Up until a year ago, I've been sitting in the passenger seat with the Uber driver.
00:19:16Which I've now learned is insane.
00:19:20I just didn't want them to think I was using them for the ride.
00:19:25And I had to stop because I got into one, and the guy panicked.
00:19:29And he was like, oh, um, okay.
00:19:33Um, I feel I should disclose under my seat is a firearm.
00:19:41And I was like, okay.
00:19:44Um, I feel that I should disclose you're taking me to an urgent care because I have a yeast infection.
00:20:00Kind of looks like we're both sitting on a little secret mount.
00:20:13I'm just not, I'm not, I'm not very good with social rules.
00:20:16Like, clap if you feel like on the first date, the man should pay.
00:20:23I feel like in this modern world, it should just be the person that's trying to fuck the other person.
00:20:31So, you know, the man, you know.
00:20:35And then, you know, if two women go out, the waiter pays.
00:20:41And, uh, if two guys go out, my dad loses his mind.
00:20:45Um, and my boyfriend now, he is a stutter.
00:20:49He has a speech impediment.
00:20:51And I'll overhear women say stuff like,
00:20:53my boyfriend, he can't get it up.
00:20:55And I'm like, mine can't get it out, you know.
00:20:57Um, and people will ask me all the time.
00:21:02They'll be like, does he stutter during sex?
00:21:05Does he stutter during sex?
00:21:07And I'm like, yes, of course he does.
00:21:10That would be so weird if he just miraculously...
00:21:15I was just like, oh, my God.
00:21:18Let's set up your voicemail box, you know?
00:21:33Yeah, and I babysat his niece the other day.
00:21:35That felt like a test to see if I could be a mom.
00:21:37And I wanted to prove that I could be a mom, so I called her fat.
00:21:42Yeah.
00:21:44Said she was dressed like a whore, you know.
00:21:46Um, but don't worry, he wasn't there to hear it,
00:21:49because he was practicing being a dad.
00:21:52So, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:21:55Where are my dads at?
00:21:56Make some noise.
00:21:58Yeah.
00:21:58Uh, see?
00:21:59You're not home.
00:22:00You know?
00:22:04But I don't know if we're gonna have kids,
00:22:05because he, uh, plays the trumpet.
00:22:07So, um...
00:22:09He's very good at it, but one time he kinda ate me out like...
00:22:12Go!
00:22:14Go!
00:22:17Go!
00:22:22Go!
00:22:24Go!
00:22:26Go!
00:22:27Go!
00:22:32This is the hardest way I ever came.
00:22:36Um...
00:22:37And all his friends are getting married,
00:22:39His best friend just got engaged, and I don't like his fiancée.
00:22:43I talk about it a lot publicly.
00:22:46I just think she sucks ass, you know?
00:22:49She hasn't worked in, like, two years,
00:22:51because she's trying to write a children's book,
00:22:55which can't take more than an hour, you know?
00:23:01And I know she doesn't like me either,
00:23:03because she's always like, God, you're so thin.
00:23:06And I'm like, so are children's books.
00:23:15And I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to ruin their wedding,
00:23:18and I've decided I'm going to lose a concerning amount of weight,
00:23:21you know, like a conversation's worth amount of weight.
00:23:25And then I'm going to roll up there like,
00:23:29I'm on a hunger strike
00:23:32until the children of America get a new book.
00:23:37Thank you, that's my time.
00:23:42Yes.
00:23:50Olivia Carter.
00:23:53Olivia.
00:23:56I'm just impressed with your writing, just more and more.
00:24:00You know, your ability to weave in and out of topics,
00:24:03you make it a conversation.
00:24:04It's so easy to stay with you throughout.
00:24:06Your cadence, your poise, you stay in the pocket,
00:24:09like I've told you previously.
00:24:11I just think it's impressive.
00:24:12Good job.
00:24:13Chris, what have you done?
00:24:15Great, great.
00:24:16I mean, yeah, jokes are really good.
00:24:18You, as Chappelle always says, you stand flat-footed.
00:24:22Like, you don't feel this need to, like, kiss people's asses.
00:24:27Like, here's the jokes.
00:24:29Either you take it or not.
00:24:31So, I thought it was really great.
00:24:32Really good.
00:24:33Thanks.
00:24:33Guys, show some love one more time.
00:24:35Olivia Carter.
00:24:37Olivia Carter.
00:24:41It's such a, it's such a real thing, like, standing flat for it.
00:24:45Yeah, yeah.
00:24:46She's just like, yeah, my man before killed and didn't faze her at all.
00:24:52No, came out and, to your point, stayed in the pocket.
00:24:55This is what I am.
00:24:56Here's what it is.
00:24:57Take it and receive it or not.
00:25:00Yes.
00:25:00We're gonna be fine no matter what.
00:25:02Uh, you guys having a good time?
00:25:04Yes.
00:25:07Oh, my God.
00:25:09All right, guys.
00:25:10Last time out, this comic said that he was fucking terrified.
00:25:13Then after that, he got a standing ovation.
00:25:15This is Osama Siddiqui.
00:25:21Osama possesses all the makings in the star.
00:25:24Have y'all's moms ever tried to set you up for somebody before?
00:25:26They always choose someone based on what they want.
00:25:28It's never like, Osama, you have to meet Lucy.
00:25:30She bangs on the first date.
00:25:32Stage presence.
00:25:33Personality.
00:25:34Writing.
00:25:35It is okay to put on a few pounds after leaving the NFL, but, Jesus,
00:25:38I didn't know you were gonna go from beast mode to breast mode.
00:25:40Jesus.
00:25:42It's different from anything we've ever seen.
00:25:44All black dudes are homophobic as fuck, but they're funny about it, right?
00:25:47Because when they want to call someone gay, they'll be like,
00:25:49Your friend Jimmy, you little loose in the shoes.
00:25:52To introduce difficult subject matter and make it light and funny.
00:25:56He's charming because his energy looks fun.
00:25:59He's wrong.
00:26:00He's real.
00:26:01The question is, will he do it again?
00:26:07Here he is.
00:26:08It's Osama Siddiqui!
00:26:19What's up?
00:26:20How y'all doing?
00:26:24Hello.
00:26:25What's up?
00:26:28Y'all are amazing.
00:26:29Y'all are amazing.
00:26:30What's up?
00:26:31Y'all are amazing.
00:26:32My name is Osama.
00:26:33No relation.
00:26:37Mom was terrified after 9-11.
00:26:39She was like, Osama, do you want to change your name to something a little less Muslim?
00:26:44Swear to God.
00:26:45She said, how about Hussein?
00:26:49Very lateral move, Mom.
00:26:51Hussein.
00:26:52I was thinking more Gregory.
00:26:54You know what I'm saying?
00:26:55Brian.
00:26:56Still getting the shit for the name, too.
00:26:58I was at JFK airport a couple weeks ago.
00:26:59I was in line.
00:27:00Friend I had not seen in years.
00:27:01Seeds from across the airport.
00:27:03Screams my name.
00:27:05In the airport.
00:27:06Just goes, oh my God, it's Osama!
00:27:10Is there a worse thing?
00:27:11You can scream in an airport.
00:27:15Then he makes it worse.
00:27:16He's like, oh my God, I thought you were dead.
00:27:22Dude, I haven't seen you since September.
00:27:28Where have you been hiding?
00:27:32I'm freaking out.
00:27:33Every TSA officer looking at me with that face that says Guantanamo Bay.
00:27:37I'm like, all right, let me defuse.
00:27:40Let me show my friend I recognize him, right?
00:27:41So I gave my friend one of these.
00:27:43But this looks less like an I know you and more like the plan is a go.
00:27:49He was like, Osama!
00:27:50I was like, commence operation.
00:27:55Y'all are great.
00:27:56Y'all are amazing.
00:27:57My mom is here, too.
00:27:58Old school, Bengali lady.
00:28:01Love her.
00:28:02Love her.
00:28:04Still woof my ass to this day.
00:28:07Clap it up.
00:28:08Parents whooped your ass growing up.
00:28:09Clap it up.
00:28:10Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:14Minorities clapping.
00:28:15White people.
00:28:16You mean like time outs?
00:28:18I mean, I was in my room a lot.
00:28:20Does that count?
00:28:22Okay, your mom booped your ass, but like my mom booped my spirit.
00:28:25Okay, so.
00:28:27My mom booped me every day.
00:28:29Every day.
00:28:29I was actually born white.
00:28:32All this is just bruises.
00:28:35And I love her, but she crazy.
00:28:37Like one summer, I just left my socks on the floor.
00:28:39She's like, hey, someone, don't leave your socks on the floor.
00:28:41I never should have had you.
00:28:45In one sentence, she went from socks to abortion.
00:28:49That's a cold bitch.
00:28:51But it was funny.
00:28:52You know, no English on her.
00:28:54You know, one time she trying to beat me.
00:28:55I got so mad.
00:28:55I was like, mom, you can't.
00:28:57Swear to God.
00:28:57She was like, don't tell me what I can't do.
00:29:05Do I care she whooped me?
00:29:07No.
00:29:07Because my mom would whoop me and then feed me Bengali Indian food afterwards.
00:29:10Y'all know.
00:29:11Indian food.
00:29:13Indian food is so good.
00:29:17Indian food is so good, it kind of undoes child abuse.
00:29:20Right?
00:29:21My mom would hit me.
00:29:23I'd be like, yo, fuck you, mom.
00:29:24Have one bite of her chicken curry.
00:29:26Be like, she never should have had me.
00:29:29I get it.
00:29:32That's why I feel bad for white people who got beat,
00:29:34because their cuisine also sucks.
00:29:37Can you imagine getting hit by your dad and having green bean casserole?
00:29:41Like, huh?
00:29:44Huh?
00:29:47One bite of green bean casserole, you're like, dad, just molest me again.
00:29:50You know what I'm saying?
00:29:52Jesus Christ.
00:29:56Middle row laughing.
00:29:58Left side having flashbacks.
00:30:00I see y'all.
00:30:00Stay with me.
00:30:03That's the thing.
00:30:04My mom was crazy.
00:30:05Muslim, intense.
00:30:06Grew up Muslim.
00:30:07Anyone else?
00:30:07Clap it up.
00:30:08Grew up Muslim.
00:30:09Wow.
00:30:10Okay.
00:30:11Whoa.
00:30:12In the back.
00:30:13Just kept y'all there.
00:30:15Okay.
00:30:15Three Muslims.
00:30:16So three people in this room going to heaven.
00:30:18Okay.
00:30:18All right.
00:30:20Sorry.
00:30:21You know, rules are rules.
00:30:24Enjoy the show.
00:30:26You infidels.
00:30:29I'm just kidding.
00:30:30I don't give a fuck.
00:30:30But growing up, I was like, top five Muslims, Kevin.
00:30:33I was like, praying five times a day.
00:30:34I was going to the mosque every day.
00:30:36Then I had sex once.
00:30:37And I was like, God might not be real.
00:30:41Woo!
00:30:43Sex was that good.
00:30:44I lost every Muslim value in the four seconds I lasted.
00:30:48Every pump, a new Muslim value out the window.
00:30:51Pump one, I'm like, I'm trying bacon.
00:30:53I'm doing it.
00:30:56Pump two, I'm like, Saudi Arabia is kind of sus.
00:31:00Right?
00:31:01Bro, as I'm coming, I'm like, trans rights are human rights.
00:31:08Y'all been great.
00:31:08Thank y'all so much.
00:31:10Seriously.
00:31:10Thank y'all.
00:31:11Thank y'all.
00:31:12Thank y'all.
00:31:13Thank y'all.
00:31:19One more time.
00:31:20Osama Siddiqui, one more time.
00:31:26You know, Osama, it's just like watching you perform, man.
00:31:31I just genuinely, I genuinely laugh.
00:31:34But to the point of like the other companies, I'm learning so much more.
00:31:37Like as the competition progresses, we're learning so much more about you guys as artists.
00:31:42And just now, like the way you get into your heritage, your background, your mother,
00:31:46how you just paint such a beautiful picture within the story of you and your beliefs,
00:31:52the way you were raised and what you're now facing, man.
00:31:54I think for me, that's some of the dopest things that comedians do very well.
00:31:59And we're seeing a high display of it this evening, Chris.
00:32:01Incredible.
00:32:02You know, he's Indian.
00:32:03No, he's...
00:32:06Bengali.
00:32:06Bengali.
00:32:07Bengali.
00:32:08See, you just said Indian.
00:32:10No, no, no.
00:32:10Now that'll get you fucked up.
00:32:13He's Bengali.
00:32:13He's Bengali.
00:32:14Bengali, yeah.
00:32:14He's on Instagram.
00:32:15Now which one is Aziz?
00:32:18Aziz is South Indian.
00:32:19South Indian.
00:32:20By the way, I think what I did was just racist.
00:32:23You asked me and you said, which one is Aziz?
00:32:27I said, uh...
00:32:29But that, but that, but I was like...
00:32:30Oh, I know that's not Aziz.
00:32:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:32:33So Aziz's from South?
00:32:35Yes.
00:32:36Yes, he's South.
00:32:36How did you not know that?
00:32:38Duh.
00:32:38Duh.
00:32:39Yeah, come on, man.
00:32:40Bengali, South Indian.
00:32:41There's, like...
00:32:42There's so much.
00:32:43Yeah, there's a lot, bro.
00:32:44But you gotta know this, Chris.
00:32:45But the food's great.
00:32:47The food is fucking great.
00:32:50Imagine the green bean casserole.
00:32:52Oh, my God.
00:32:54Uh, ladies and gentlemen, one more time.
00:32:56Very funny.
00:32:58Osama.
00:32:59Siddiqui.
00:33:02All right.
00:33:04Now...
00:33:04Now, Chris, right now, we gotta bring back...
00:33:07We gotta bring back the three comics.
00:33:10Really?
00:33:10Yes, we gotta bring them all back out.
00:33:11Okay.
00:33:12All of you guys come back out.
00:33:13And this is what's crazy right now.
00:33:15Like...
00:33:15What's gonna happen, Kevin?
00:33:16Now, well...
00:33:17All right, first, let me tell the people.
00:33:18I'm gonna tell you.
00:33:19All right, guys, look.
00:33:20We've seen our first three comics, right?
00:33:21So let's get them back out here.
00:33:22Everybody, come on.
00:33:23Three comics, come back out.
00:33:25Come back out.
00:33:26Come back out.
00:33:26Come back out.
00:33:26Come back out.
00:33:26Come back out.
00:33:27Come back out.
00:33:30Come back out.
00:33:30All right.
00:33:33Now, at home...
00:33:35At home and in this bill of the night,
00:33:37you should remember, but just in case you don't,
00:33:39I want you to welcome back Winston, Olivia, Osama.
00:33:43Wow.
00:33:44Okay?
00:33:45And I wanna tell everybody at home
00:33:47that voting is open now.
00:33:50So I need you to pick your favorite.
00:33:52And the comedian that gets the most votes
00:33:54will go straight into tomorrow night's live finale.
00:33:57That's right. You got about a minute.
00:33:58You got about a minute, and you have to be watching live to vote.
00:34:02This is so important to this competition,
00:34:04to this amazing talent on the stage.
00:34:06I need you guys to pick up the controls,
00:34:09and I need you to be a part of this world.
00:34:12Vote. You got about a minute, and it starts now.
00:34:18Winston.
00:34:21I'll start with you.
00:34:23I want to know. I'm going to talk to each of you.
00:34:26Winston, what are you feeling in this moment right now?
00:34:28I mean, I feel as good as I can feel.
00:34:33I think I left it all out there,
00:34:34and I did material that reflects what I talk about on stage,
00:34:37so I feel good about it.
00:34:38Nice.
00:34:43Olivia, what are you feeling right now?
00:34:45I'm excited. I had a good time,
00:34:48and I can't wait to see who goes.
00:34:55Osama?
00:34:55I feel good.
00:34:57That was fun as hell.
00:34:58Thank y'all so much.
00:34:59Fun. Fun.
00:35:02Thank y'all. Thank y'all.
00:35:04I'm excited.
00:35:05I'm going to teach y'all about Bangladesh later,
00:35:07but y'all don't do it.
00:35:08You know, I think, as we're waiting on the votes to come in,
00:35:11it's very important to say, like,
00:35:13this is what the competition is about,
00:35:15and I think you all stepped up to the moment.
00:35:17You all stepped up and truly, truly showed out
00:35:22and showed the reason why you all are here.
00:35:24So, as this is an intense moment,
00:35:28and, you know, it's not in our hands, Chris.
00:35:31Unfortunately, we have nothing that we can do.
00:35:33There's nothing.
00:35:33There's nothing we can do.
00:35:34We are waiting on votes.
00:35:36We are waiting.
00:35:37We are sitting here waiting on the fucking votes.
00:35:40Yes.
00:35:40But here's the good news about waiting.
00:35:42What's the good news, Kevin?
00:35:43Well, sometimes the wait is over,
00:35:45and right now, it is over.
00:35:47The votes are in, okay?
00:35:49I want to say congrats to all three of you.
00:35:53All three.
00:35:54Once again, you all did an amazing job.
00:35:56All three of you did an amazing job.
00:35:57But the results are in.
00:36:00The first comedian going through to tomorrow's finale is
00:36:04Bring Me My Card.
00:36:07Bring me my card.
00:36:10Okay.
00:36:11All right.
00:36:12Chris, I'm nervous.
00:36:14I'm nervous.
00:36:15No, I'm really nervous.
00:36:15My hands are sweating.
00:36:16Oh, man.
00:36:17I don't want to Steve Harvey this moment, either.
00:36:19Okay.
00:36:19All right.
00:36:23Oh.
00:36:23You want to do the honors, Chris?
00:36:25You can do the honors.
00:36:28Osama!
00:36:31Osama.
00:36:35Osama.
00:36:36Osama.
00:36:49Now we are live.
00:36:51We are live.
00:36:52This is a live voting atmosphere.
00:36:54The response, of course, not only to the crowd,
00:36:57but my home was high.
00:37:00I want to know what you have to say.
00:37:02What feelings do you now have after you got the vote?
00:37:05I love you, Mom.
00:37:07I love you, Mom.
00:37:08I love you.
00:37:09I love you.
00:37:11And my whole family.
00:37:12All right.
00:37:13This is wild.
00:37:14It's crazy.
00:37:14It's insane.
00:37:15Thank you all so much.
00:37:16Thank you so much for the opportunity, man.
00:37:18This has been one of the most wildest experiences of my life.
00:37:20And it just gets wild and wilder.
00:37:22And thank you all so much.
00:37:23For real.
00:37:23Like, my guys, you are moving on to tomorrow night's live finale.
00:37:29Now, what you got to understand, look, for our other two,
00:37:32it's not over.
00:37:33It is not over, Winston.
00:37:34It's not over, Olivia.
00:37:35Okay?
00:37:35At the end of the show, there will be another chance
00:37:38for you to vote them into the finale.
00:37:41All right?
00:37:41So what I want you to do is make some noise
00:37:43for Winston and Olivia and also Osama.
00:37:47All right?
00:37:48All right, guys.
00:37:49Get out of here.
00:37:50Get out of here.
00:37:52Get out of here.
00:37:55All right?
00:37:57Guys, let's get to our next group, all right?
00:38:00This comic got a second chance in the competition.
00:38:03Let's see if he can make it count.
00:38:05It's Reg Thomas!
00:38:14Reg is a punchline guy.
00:38:18If I did voodoo, I'd be taller.
00:38:20My dick would be...
00:38:22My dick would be the same, but I'd be taller.
00:38:24Like, it's so good running.
00:38:27That was actually sublime.
00:38:29Reg was out of this competition
00:38:31but fought his way back in
00:38:32with a very impressive roast performance.
00:38:34Marshawn, just based off your face alone,
00:38:36I want to give you some crayon and glue
00:38:38just to see what you eat first.
00:38:42He was ready for the moment.
00:38:44He really was.
00:38:44He's throwing everything at the kitchen sink.
00:38:46I like him a lot.
00:38:48And he was real.
00:38:49And it's working.
00:38:54Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up
00:38:56for Reg Thomas!
00:39:08You know, it's not always packed out theaters
00:39:14and, like, live shows on Netflix for us comedians.
00:39:18A lot of times, we get booked in really whack spots,
00:39:22like weddings.
00:39:24I did a wedding a couple weeks ago,
00:39:26and they told me that when I came out,
00:39:28I could pick my favorite love song.
00:39:29But I didn't know the couple, and I am a comedian.
00:39:34I'm gonna fuck up your wedding.
00:39:37So I chose the notorious B.I.G.'s
00:39:40Me and My Bitch.
00:39:44Some of y'all know it, it's a great love song.
00:39:47Top five.
00:39:4917 seconds into the song, the notorious B.I.G.
00:39:53is so in love with this woman, he goes,
00:39:55you look so good, I'd suck on your daddy's dick.
00:40:01Bars.
00:40:04He said that in the 90s.
00:40:06Every time I hear that song, I realize
00:40:09I have never been in love, not one time.
00:40:13Have I ever met a girl
00:40:16that made me feel like that?
00:40:19Let me tell y'all a crazy story.
00:40:21Three years ago, I got invited to a Friendsgiving
00:40:24that turned out to be an orgy
00:40:27because I'm cool, and, uh...
00:40:30Before I tell y'all this story,
00:40:31I had no idea that there was gonna be an orgy
00:40:33at the Friendsgiving.
00:40:34But before that night, I thought I was an orgy guy.
00:40:40Y'all follow what I'm saying?
00:40:43Like, most guys, in our heads,
00:40:46we think we're orgy ready.
00:40:50Like, let an orgy break out, see what I do, I'll fucking...
00:40:56You ain't gonna do none of that shit.
00:40:59That was me, and then an orgy broke out over dinner,
00:41:03and I was like, who the fuck are you people?
00:41:06For real?
00:41:09By the key lime pie?
00:41:1340 people at the orgy.
00:41:15I was the only black guy.
00:41:19So much white sex.
00:41:22Yuck.
00:41:27I had no idea white people would get that pink.
00:41:31It was like staring into the sun!
00:41:35I'd describe it as a violent fuchsia.
00:41:39Shit looked like a lava lamp.
00:41:42Lot of different vibes out of orgy.
00:41:44Lot of different personalities out of orgy.
00:41:46There's the girl having aggressive orgasms,
00:41:48but no one believes her.
00:41:50She's like, John, John!
00:41:52But we all watching.
00:41:55And John, not even pumping like that.
00:41:58That was the night I learned white guys
00:42:00fuck with their shoulders and not their hips.
00:42:02John was going.
00:42:07I was like, John's gonna kill someone.
00:42:12There was a little short, butch, lesbian lady.
00:42:14She was walking around the orgy,
00:42:15and she was wearing a strap-on dick,
00:42:17but it was a little dick.
00:42:19I started roasting her ass.
00:42:21I was like, you don't believe in yourself?
00:42:22What the fuck is that?
00:42:25She got very upset.
00:42:28She was like, worry about your own dick.
00:42:30I was still fully dressed, like, I'm good, actually.
00:42:34and even though i was freaked out i stayed for eight hours why did i do that
00:42:42because i could not stop watching eventually i started walking around the orgy like a sensei
00:42:48who was really impressed with his class
00:43:07little tart
00:43:09true story six months later i got booked to tell some jokes about all black orgy the black orgy way
00:43:15more
00:43:15lit they were playing better music but you know black customer service
00:43:23could leave a lot to be desired the black orgy was playing better music but they didn't pay for
00:43:29the premium pandora
00:43:37so the whole orgy the whole orgy you hear some smooth music then you'll hear liberty liberty liberty
00:43:49but yo i love being a stand-up comedian it's the greatest job in the world you get to travel
00:43:54get
00:43:54to meet all sorts of different people different accents and out of all the accents i haven't met
00:43:58the british accent is my favorite i met a girl one night after a show she invited me back to
00:44:03her
00:44:03hotel room we started hooking up and she said the dopest thing i've ever heard in a british accent
00:44:06she said your cork is literally filling me up
00:44:11i got so bad so i was like this guy get out of here
00:44:15but yeah that's my time my name is reg thomas thank y'all very much
00:44:36hey man you know your your story attached to this show
00:44:42is is a story for the books man you know what i mean like the the whole idea of a
00:44:48comeback and
00:44:49what you've been doing since then is outstanding uh i who's your agent
00:44:56me myself and i i'm like i'm not william morris
00:44:59he's he's talking about he's talking about how do you how do you get booked to go to the sex
00:45:05parties that you've been going to he said walking around like a sensei
00:45:14reg phenomenal set man hey show him some love one more time
00:45:18reg thomas
00:45:21oh
00:45:23dude
00:45:25you know
00:45:27i i just like that there's such a significant difference in all the talent
00:45:32wow right like when he committed to that yeah
00:45:36i'm like this orgy story is still going on
00:45:41all right guys listen this next comic always pushes the envelope
00:45:45then you know what she pushes it even more here is
00:45:48caitlin
00:45:52bring the camera a little closer oh my god no no
00:45:56caitlin is very much a star of that comedy stage great material my older sister she was like caitlin
00:46:01and remember no man's gonna marry a woman if she's had sex with more than three guys and i was
00:46:07like well i waved goodbye to that at prom
00:46:11law as fuck but at the same time still being charming i bet being cross-eyed makes you great with
00:46:16the ladies because you can talk to two bitches at once oh she's given us such a variety of style
00:46:23do you consider yourself a grower or a show
00:46:25i don't give a shit who your mother is
00:46:30that was one of the best sets i've seen in a long time
00:46:32kayla's raised the bar that she's a force to be reckoned with
00:46:35you
00:46:37ladies and gentlemen please make some noise for caitlin
00:46:42oh my goodness hello entire world
00:46:58Oh, this is exciting.
00:47:02I just want to let everybody know I have an IUD and I intend to use it.
00:47:07Okay, thank you.
00:47:09I'm going to go to Reg's orgy.
00:47:11Let's do it.
00:47:15No, I love when I say I have an IUD.
00:47:17The women get excited, yeah.
00:47:19And the men look at me like, you got a bomb inside of you?
00:47:24No, it's birth control.
00:47:25And thank God I have it.
00:47:27Yeah, because I'm in my 30s, baby.
00:47:31I'm in my 30s.
00:47:32If I get pregnant, I'll keep it.
00:47:34Okay.
00:47:36I got four eggs left.
00:47:38One of them's got your name on it.
00:47:40Okay, little cutie.
00:47:41All right, tight pants.
00:47:42I like it.
00:47:44I love being in my 30s.
00:47:46It's the best.
00:47:47Sexually speaking, it's awesome.
00:47:49Yes.
00:47:50Yes, because you know your body.
00:47:52You know what you like in the bedroom.
00:47:53And you have the confidence to tell a man what you want in the bedroom.
00:47:57It's great.
00:47:58Because when we're in our 20s, we're nice.
00:48:00We don't expect to come.
00:48:01That's crazy.
00:48:03We're just like, oh, he made me laugh.
00:48:08I'll give him five more tries.
00:48:11Not me, no.
00:48:12I'm like, you better grab the vibrator and loosen up those elbows.
00:48:17Mama's coming.
00:48:19I didn't get naked for nothing.
00:48:21Let's go, funny boy.
00:48:23All right?
00:48:24Yeah, because I'm not not coming anymore.
00:48:27Okay?
00:48:27Hell no.
00:48:28I was so nice.
00:48:30Too nice.
00:48:31I was fucking dudes based on potential.
00:48:34I was in there like a basketball coach at a tryout.
00:48:38I was like, sure, he's got the natural talent, but is he coachable?
00:48:43I need a team player who can take directions.
00:48:47Because that's what we do.
00:48:48Right, ladies?
00:48:49We train men.
00:48:50We train men.
00:48:50We coach them in the bedroom.
00:48:52Yes, we do.
00:48:53And men don't even realize they're getting coached.
00:48:56We're very subtle with this shit.
00:48:58We're just moaning in strategic places.
00:49:02Yeah, all these guys are walking around like, I'm crushing puss.
00:49:05You're taking notes, motherfucker.
00:49:08This is a learning game.
00:49:12Absolutely.
00:49:13We have to train these boys.
00:49:15Because of porn, half the men in this room still think this is where the clitoris is.
00:49:20It's not here.
00:49:22Our eyes aren't rolling back in ecstasy.
00:49:24We're dying.
00:49:27I think there should be a special sex ed class for boys where they learn about the female orgasm.
00:49:32Yes.
00:49:33Absolutely.
00:49:34But it's got to happen before they get into porn.
00:49:37So, like, at age four.
00:49:40Yeah, I want Sesame Street teaching this shit.
00:49:43I want to finger me Elmo in every classroom.
00:49:48With an instructional video called Elmo Saves Everyone's Time.
00:49:54I love that we train men.
00:49:56I love that we train them.
00:49:57My favorite thing to do is to hook up with a guy who just got out of a long-term
00:50:00relationship because all of his sex moves are exactly what his ex taught him to do.
00:50:06So, when he goes down on you, you just learn a lot about Lisa.
00:50:12You're like, damn, Lisa, three fingers.
00:50:15Okay.
00:50:16Wow.
00:50:17You a girthy girl, Lisa.
00:50:19God damn.
00:50:20That is impressive.
00:50:24I will say, I have been going a little hard in the paint, as they say.
00:50:27Okay.
00:50:28So have my friends.
00:50:29The whole group chat is about how expensive the Plan B pill is.
00:50:32All right.
00:50:32Yeah.
00:50:33I blame the tariffs.
00:50:34All right.
00:50:36Actually, not too long ago, I was having sex, okay, with this gentleman, without a condom, because I'm fun.
00:50:42All right.
00:50:44I have HPV.
00:50:45Anyway.
00:50:50We were having sex, and he stops me mid-sex, and he goes, hey, Caitlin, can I just finish inside
00:50:56of you and give you $50?
00:51:02I said yes.
00:51:03Okay.
00:51:05Of course I said yes.
00:51:06I got that IUD.
00:51:08That's all profit.
00:51:08Okay?
00:51:11That's rich, bitch, money.
00:51:14Yeah.
00:51:15I'm not a whore.
00:51:16I'm an entrepreneur.
00:51:17Okay?
00:51:18You guys have been great.
00:51:19Thank you so much.
00:51:20I'm Caitlin Pellifo.
00:51:31Caitlin Pellifo, yes.
00:51:33Wow.
00:51:35Caitlin, just, I mean, just wow, man.
00:51:37I love it.
00:51:39You're just so fucking raw.
00:51:41You hit the stage, and there's no prep.
00:51:46The audience has no idea what they're about to get, but they have no choice but to fucking accept it.
00:51:50Your energy.
00:51:51You're in their face.
00:51:52It's raw subject matter.
00:51:54It's who you are, and you have not shied away from it at all.
00:51:58Chris, what'd you think?
00:51:59It was funny.
00:52:00It was funny.
00:52:00Tickle me.
00:52:01What was it?
00:52:01Finger me elbow.
00:52:03Finger me elbow.
00:52:05Get me a blowjob party.
00:52:13I think you were amazing, man.
00:52:14I think you were amazing, man.
00:52:15One more time, man.
00:52:15Show some love.
00:52:16Caitlin Pellifo, one more time.
00:52:21Again.
00:52:22Again.
00:52:23You just, you're watching, once again, an amazing separation and all.
00:52:27They all are so different, but so funny.
00:52:30We had, we had finger me elbow, and we had the orgy before that.
00:52:35Yeah, no, there was a lot of, a lot of.
00:52:36So, so anal's next.
00:52:38A lot.
00:52:40Well, let's see what's next.
00:52:42Guys, at his audition, this comic grabbed my attention with his very first joke.
00:52:47Uh, here's Ron Taylor, ladies and gentlemen.
00:52:49Ron Taylor.
00:52:51All right, let's get this out the way now.
00:52:54This is my hair.
00:52:55This is not a hat.
00:52:57Shut the fuck up.
00:52:59Don't laugh at that.
00:53:01Ron Taylor.
00:53:02He's a, he's a natural in this space.
00:53:04Recently, I just had my first threesome.
00:53:11Attempt.
00:53:11My first threesome.
00:53:13Some people just have the gift.
00:53:15If he's nervous, he didn't look at that.
00:53:18It's easy for Ron to get to the front end.
00:53:21Kevin Hart looked like the slave you get for free when you buy Marshawn Lynch.
00:53:31I can say I'm a fan.
00:53:34Whatever the thing is that you're supposed to have, he has it.
00:53:39Give it up for Ron Taylor.
00:54:00I'm a product of public school.
00:54:03I'm a product of public school.
00:54:03Public school in the house.
00:54:06Yeah, dumb than a motherfucker.
00:54:09You don't know shit.
00:54:11You ever think about how much time of our school weighs?
00:54:15Okay, sweetie.
00:54:16Thank you, baby.
00:54:18She went to public school.
00:54:20Here's the deal.
00:54:25They don't teach you shit.
00:54:26That's the point.
00:54:28You go to school for what?
00:54:29About 12 years.
00:54:30You study subjects.
00:54:31Six hours a day, five days a week.
00:54:33And you're not a professional.
00:54:34None of that shit.
00:54:37What other thing can you study that long and not become a professional that?
00:54:41I've been jumping rope for two weeks.
00:54:43I feel like Muhammad Ali already.
00:54:46Then the shit they do teach you ain't worth shit.
00:54:49You can't use it.
00:54:50In math class, I learned how to find the height of a tree.
00:54:55Using the shadow that it casts.
00:54:58But I got to call my mama every time it's time for me to do my taxes.
00:55:02Why?
00:55:02Fuck that tree.
00:55:06Cut it down.
00:55:10Why am I in the woods?
00:55:11That's the better question.
00:55:13What did you use to measure the shadow?
00:55:16Use that on the tree, motherfucker.
00:55:19Science class.
00:55:20I learned a bunch of bullshit.
00:55:23I learned about rocks.
00:55:25Fucking rocks.
00:55:26Is there anything dumber than rocks?
00:55:29When you call somebody dumb, you say you dumb as a boxer.
00:55:32I had four semesters on these bitches.
00:55:37I learned about an igneous rock.
00:55:39A metamorphic rock.
00:55:41What's the last one?
00:55:42A sedimentary rock, you stupid motherfucker.
00:55:45You ain't thought about that shit's grade school.
00:55:51Fuck rocks.
00:55:51I don't smoke crack.
00:55:55Why am I learning this shit?
00:55:58Teach me something I can use in science class.
00:56:01Teach me...
00:56:04Teach me...
00:56:05Teach me how to do a pressure point abortion.
00:56:08That's some shit.
00:56:14Fuck y'all.
00:56:16I ain't say I would use it.
00:56:20Just said it'd be good to know.
00:56:23Somebody come up to you.
00:56:24I'm pregnant.
00:56:25Not no more.
00:56:32You need education.
00:56:35Otherwise, you have fake smart people.
00:56:37When I was here, living here, I had two roommates.
00:56:40Fake smart people.
00:56:41I ain't gonna say they was bad people.
00:56:43Right?
00:56:44Let's just say they were vegan.
00:56:48Horrible people.
00:56:49Horrible.
00:56:50This is my thing.
00:56:51If you don't want to eat meat because you don't want to eat meat, fine.
00:56:53You don't want to eat meat for the perceived health benefits or the religious beliefs?
00:56:57Fine.
00:56:57But don't tell me eating meat is wrong.
00:57:00Like it's wrong as in it's incorrect.
00:57:03Oh, rude, motherfucker.
00:57:04What?
00:57:06How do you know?
00:57:07Everybody eat meat.
00:57:08What are you talking about?
00:57:08Oh, it's not designed for the human body to eat meat.
00:57:11You think we've been making a two million year mistake?
00:57:15Everybody eat meat.
00:57:16Jesus ate meat.
00:57:18You know better than the Lord.
00:57:23Who the fuck you trying to impress?
00:57:25You get to heaven.
00:57:26Jesus got a fish sandwich.
00:57:27Like, come on in, my child.
00:57:30I don't eat that Jesus.
00:57:31You go to hell, bitch-ass nigga.
00:57:36That's how my Jesus talk.
00:57:38I don't know about you.
00:57:41But it was two of them.
00:57:43And he was always trying to gang up on me.
00:57:45And you're saying stupid stuff.
00:57:46If you ever talk to a vegan, you might have heard this.
00:57:49They always say this shit.
00:57:49You eat animals.
00:57:50That's terrible.
00:57:51That's like eating your pet.
00:57:53Would you eat your pet, huh?
00:57:54And he's like, what the fuck?
00:57:57What are you talking about without I eating my pet?
00:57:59Miss, would you eat your pet?
00:58:00No.
00:58:01White lady, would you eat your pet?
00:58:03No, of course not.
00:58:04I'm not going to eat my pet, you freak.
00:58:06I love my pet.
00:58:07I got a special bond and relationship with my pet.
00:58:09I ain't going to eat my pet.
00:58:11But I'd eat your pet.
00:58:15Fuck your pet.
00:58:17I got no relationship to your pet.
00:58:19Let me get hungry.
00:58:20It'll be barbecue Garfield in this bitch.
00:58:24I'll give you a bad example.
00:58:25I like to fuck women.
00:58:27Surprise.
00:58:29My mother is a woman.
00:58:32I'm not going to fuck my mama.
00:58:35But I'll fuck your mama.
00:58:37You see?
00:58:38Ladies and gentlemen.
00:58:41That's my friend.
00:58:47Ron Taylor, ladies and gentlemen.
00:58:51Ron Taylor.
00:58:54Not just Ron.
00:58:56Motherfucking Ron.
00:58:58Motherfucking Ron.
00:59:00Dude, you did what you were supposed to do.
00:59:02Very funny, Ron.
00:59:03I'm not surprised.
00:59:04I didn't expect to see anything less than what I saw.
00:59:08I feel like, once again, stepping up and doing the thing that you are poised and positioned to do.
00:59:14That's your job in this moment.
00:59:16I feel like you did your job.
00:59:17What do you think, Chris?
00:59:17You did a great job.
00:59:18You did a great job.
00:59:19Really, really good job.
00:59:19Yeah.
00:59:20Really, really good job.
00:59:21All right.
00:59:22One more time.
00:59:23Ladies and gentlemen.
00:59:23Ron Taylor.
00:59:24One more time.
00:59:27Man.
00:59:29Well, Chris.
00:59:31We're down to it.
00:59:32Once again.
00:59:33Once again.
00:59:33Once again.
00:59:34I got to bring the comments back out.
00:59:35Oh.
00:59:36All right.
00:59:36This is where I'm counting on.
00:59:38This one's going to be tight.
00:59:39It's very tight.
00:59:40This is very scary.
00:59:42Scary at how close this is.
00:59:44This is really tight.
00:59:46I'm nervous.
00:59:47I'm nervous.
00:59:47All right, guys.
00:59:48We've seen our last three comics.
00:59:50We've just watched them perform.
00:59:51Once again.
00:59:52Now it's time to vote.
00:59:53So please.
00:59:54Help me welcome back.
00:59:55Reg.
00:59:56Caitlin.
00:59:56And Ron.
00:59:57One more time.
00:59:58Come on.
01:00:00Come on out, you guys.
01:00:05Wow.
01:00:06Wow.
01:00:07Wow.
01:00:10Okay.
01:00:11Ladies and gentlemen.
01:00:12At home.
01:00:13Voting is now open.
01:00:15You can vote one of these comics into the finale.
01:00:18You have one minute.
01:00:19One minute to do so.
01:00:21So please make it count.
01:00:22Okay?
01:00:23Make it count.
01:00:25Start now.
01:00:33I would love to know just what the feeling is for you guys at this moment.
01:00:39Reg, I'll start with you.
01:00:40What are you feeling right now?
01:00:41Man, I'm so excited.
01:00:43I really feel like I represented myself the right way.
01:00:45I came through.
01:00:46Did everything I wanted to.
01:00:47Rocked out the theater.
01:00:48I'm as happy as I could be right now.
01:00:50Nice.
01:00:51Nice.
01:00:53Caitlin, what about you?
01:00:54What are you feeling right now?
01:00:55I feel excited.
01:00:57I feel thrilled.
01:00:58I think I'm going to use that blowjob Barney line next time.
01:01:02But no, this was so much fun.
01:01:04This whole experience has been great.
01:01:05And I can't be more grateful and thankful.
01:01:09Go Niners.
01:01:11Yes.
01:01:11Go Niners.
01:01:12Ron, what about you?
01:01:14I just feel like a win already, man.
01:01:17And it's just been fun all around.
01:01:19And I'm glad I wore this shirt.
01:01:21Apparently, that was a good choice.
01:01:26You know, I said it in our first group.
01:01:30You know, the competition at this point, you know, it's as tight as it can be.
01:01:36And, you know, our first group was amazing.
01:01:38You guys coming out after that, you all were amazing as well.
01:01:41But I think you all should just be proud of yourselves for, once again, for presenting yourself in this moment.
01:01:48Chris, what do you think?
01:01:49If there's anything you can say to them.
01:01:52Everyone, there's, you know, somebody's going to win.
01:01:54But you all won.
01:01:56So don't sweat it.
01:01:57Each one of you is a professional comedian.
01:02:00Absolutely.
01:02:01Absolutely.
01:02:03Absolutely.
01:02:04All right.
01:02:05To all those at home, okay?
01:02:08All those at home, I want to thank you for your presentation.
01:02:11I want to let you know that your votes are now in.
01:02:16Votes are in!
01:02:18The comedian going through to tomorrow's live finale is envelope, please.
01:02:25Envelope, please!
01:02:28Envelope, please!
01:02:31God damn it!
01:02:32Give me the envelope!
01:02:33Okay.
01:02:34All right.
01:02:35Okay.
01:02:38Okay.
01:02:39All right.
01:02:41I'm also being told that this one was extremely close.
01:02:45So before I open up the envelope, I want you guys to know, extremely close.
01:02:51Oh, my God.
01:02:56Ron Taylor, you'll be moving on to the next round.
01:03:13Ron Taylor, Ron, is there anything that you want to say to the people watching that voted for you?
01:03:22Is there anything that you want to say in this moment?
01:03:27Uh, I just thank everybody for supporting me, for supporting comedy, period, man.
01:03:32And I just appreciate the opportunity, man.
01:03:34I thank y'all.
01:03:34All right.
01:03:37Well, Ron, you made it.
01:03:39We will see you in the finale tomorrow night.
01:03:41Now, one more time, one more time for the finalists.
01:03:45Okay?
01:03:45The finalists in the second room.
01:03:46One more time.
01:03:47One more time.
01:03:49Okay?
01:03:50Guys, guys, I want to thank you, Ron.
01:03:53You go.
01:03:54Right now, this is a big deal because you guys still have a chance.
01:03:57Reg, Caitlin, you still have a chance, right?
01:04:00We got four comics left.
01:04:02Four comics left.
01:04:02And we got one last vote to come.
01:04:04So please come back.
01:04:06Winston, Olivia, come back out.
01:04:14All right.
01:04:16There are four comics.
01:04:18Four.
01:04:18There are two spots open.
01:04:20Two of these comics will move on to the finale tomorrow night.
01:04:23But sadly, the two will be heading home.
01:04:26And the vote, well, the vote is open now.
01:04:29So pick your favorite comic, and the two with the most votes will move on to the finale.
01:04:34Here's another look at these comics doing what they do best.
01:04:37Take a look.
01:04:39I had one guy come up to me after a show, and he got in my face.
01:04:43And he goes, oh, yeah, you think you're better than me?
01:04:45He goes, you think you're hot shit?
01:04:47He goes, I'm a veteran of two wars.
01:04:50And I was like, damn, brother.
01:04:52Unless that platoon was autistic.
01:04:57You know what I mean?
01:04:58And they were.
01:04:59He was Coast Guard.
01:05:00So I thought I was pretty impressive of him, man.
01:05:03He's very good at it, but one time he kind of ate me out, like...
01:05:27This is the hardest I ever came.
01:05:30A lot of different personalities out of Orgy.
01:05:32There's the girl having aggressive orgasms, but no one believes her.
01:05:37She's like, John, John, but we all watching.
01:05:41And John not even pumping like that.
01:05:45That was the night I learned white guys fuck with their shoulders and not their hips.
01:05:48John was going.
01:05:53I was like, John's going to kill someone.
01:05:55I think there should be a special sex ed class for boys where they learn about the female orgasm.
01:06:01Yes.
01:06:02Absolutely.
01:06:03But it's got to happen before they get into porn.
01:06:05So, like, at age four.
01:06:08Yeah, I want Sesame Street teaching this shit.
01:06:11I want to finger me Elmo in every classroom with an instructional video called Elmo Saves Everyone's Time.
01:06:23Yes.
01:06:26All right.
01:06:27The two comics who make it will join Osama, Siddiqui, and also Ron Taylor in tomorrow's finale.
01:06:35And to decide who wins it all.
01:06:37Okay, look, you've got to understand, guys, you've got to be watching us live tomorrow night.
01:06:41It's a must.
01:06:42You have to be watching us live tomorrow night.
01:06:45Okay.
01:06:46It's go time.
01:06:47Right?
01:06:48At this point, well, we need to see who's moving on and we need to see who's going home.
01:06:53The votes are in.
01:06:55Okay?
01:06:55We're in.
01:06:57Two of these comics will move forward to our live finale tomorrow night.
01:07:02And unfortunately, two of the comics will be going home.
01:07:05Are you ready?
01:07:07Are you guys ready?
01:07:09All right.
01:07:10This is in no particular order.
01:07:13The first comic moving on is...
01:07:16Envelope, please.
01:07:21What you got?
01:07:22What you got?
01:07:22What you got, Kev?
01:07:23Of course you can say it.
01:07:25Our first comic moving on.
01:07:26Caitlyn.
01:07:27Caitlyn Palufo.
01:07:35Caitlyn, still standing.
01:07:40How do you feel?
01:07:41I feel really, really thankful.
01:07:43Thank you to everyone who voted at home.
01:07:45I really appreciate it.
01:07:49All right.
01:07:50There is one last spot.
01:07:53I got to stand up.
01:07:55I got to stand up.
01:07:57The second comic going into tomorrow night's live finale is...
01:08:02Envelope, please.
01:08:03Those two more we got, Kev.
01:08:10Good.
01:08:11You did.
01:08:13Oh, my God.
01:08:20Let's go, let's go!
01:08:23What do you do?
01:08:25What do you do?
01:08:26Rich Thomas!
01:08:27Rich Thomas!
01:08:27Oh, my God.
01:08:30What the fuck?
01:08:31I'm so sorry.
01:08:32I'm so sorry.
01:08:33Oh, come on, Chris.
01:08:36Wow.
01:08:40Holy cow.
01:08:42Oh, my God.
01:08:46Oh, my God.
01:08:51Oh, my God.
01:08:52Come here, Chris.
01:08:53I don't know.
01:08:55Yeah.
01:08:57No, no, no, no, no.
01:09:00Please show some love.
01:09:02Show some love.
01:09:03Show some love.
01:09:05All right.
01:09:06Our four finalists.
01:09:08We have our four finalists, guys.
01:09:09Tomorrow night, one of them will join or win.
01:09:14Let's say win.
01:09:14One of them will win it all.
01:09:15And you at home, you will decide who that person is.
01:09:19These four comics need you to show up watching live
01:09:23and, more importantly, voting live.
01:09:25You will choose the winner of Funny AM.
01:09:29It's the battle to win the dream.
01:09:31The live finale tomorrow at 9 p.m. Eastern right here on Netflix.
01:09:38Big thank you to my brother, Chris Rock, for joining me today.
01:09:42I'll see you tomorrow with my friends, Tom Segord,
01:09:46and Nikki Glaser will be back for the finale.
01:09:49Guys, good night, everybody.
01:09:51And thank y'all for being the best crowd ever.
01:09:53We love y'all.
01:09:53We love y'all.
01:09:59God bless you.
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