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Short filmTranscript
00:00:53Go get him, Petey.
00:01:13Go get him, Petey.
00:01:29All right, good cat.
00:01:31Go get him, Petey.
00:02:11Leave that glitter, Mom.
00:02:39Got anything, Porky?
00:02:41Not a bite, Buckwheat.
00:02:52I got something, I got something.
00:02:55Me too, a big fat one.
00:03:16Oh, Petey, come here.
00:03:22Thanks, Petey.
00:03:28Hey, Porky, look, a note.
00:03:33What's it say?
00:03:38We gotta learn to read.
00:03:40We gotta learn to read.
00:03:41We gotta learn to read.
00:03:49We gotta learn to read.
00:04:05We gotta learn to read.
00:04:07You okay?
00:04:08You okay?
00:04:09You okay?
00:04:09All right.
00:04:10Go on in.
00:04:11You're okay?
00:04:13Go on in.
00:04:14What's the high sign?
00:04:16Go on in.
00:04:19You're okay.
00:04:20You're okay.
00:04:21Wrong sign, Porky.
00:04:23Okay.
00:04:24Go on in.
00:04:26You're okay, Elmer.
00:04:33You little creep.
00:04:43Hey, stop bumping it in your throat.
00:04:46Damn.
00:04:47Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our President Spanky.
00:04:51Hi, Spanky!
00:04:55How's it going, Spanky?
00:04:58Nice to see you, Spanky.
00:05:00Hey, Spanky, what's up?
00:05:01How are you?
00:05:03Good to see you.
00:05:04Hi, Spanky!
00:05:05Your fly's on the line.
00:05:08Welcome.
00:05:09All right, Spanky!
00:05:12Hey, Spanky!
00:05:14I'll raise your right hand.
00:05:18Your other right hand.
00:05:23I.
00:05:23I.
00:05:25Stymie.
00:05:26Stymie.
00:05:27Member and good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.
00:05:31Member and good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.
00:05:35Do solemnly swear to be a He-Man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them
00:05:39unless I have to, and especially never fall in love.
00:05:43And if I do, may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours or until I scream bloody murder.
00:05:52Do solemnly swear to be a He-Man Woman and hate women?
00:05:58You thinking what I'm thinking, Woyme?
00:06:03Yeah, Butch.
00:06:05What are we thinking?
00:06:08How much fun it's gonna be to stomp those guys in the race.
00:06:14Painfully and suffer for hours.
00:06:18Bloody murder!
00:06:21Ready to take down the minutes?
00:06:23Uh-huh.
00:06:24Uh-huh.
00:06:24As you know, today I called an emergency meeting for a very important reason.
00:06:32But first, any good stories?
00:06:35Buckwheat.
00:06:36Yeah, this morning my sister left the toilet seat down.
00:06:40Women make man miserable.
00:06:43Froggy.
00:06:44Yeah, there's this girl who moved in across the street.
00:06:48And she came over because she wanted to play.
00:06:51But don't worry, I got back in her.
00:06:54What'd you do?
00:06:55What'd you do?
00:06:55What'd you do?
00:06:56I whipped out my lizard.
00:06:59Hmm.
00:07:00Oh, wow!
00:07:01Yay!
00:07:03Good job, Frog Man.
00:07:06Are you getting this, uh-huh?
00:07:08Uh-huh.
00:07:10All right, men.
00:07:11Let's talk about the pride of our club.
00:07:13The Blur.
00:07:14The Blur has never been beaten since the beginning of time.
00:07:19By years.
00:07:21This Sunday we defend our honor, our undefeated streak, and our trophy.
00:07:27Yeah!
00:07:27Best of all, this year's trophy will be presented by...
00:07:32None other than the famous Indy race car driver...
00:07:36A.J. Ferguson.
00:07:39Wow!
00:07:40He's the best driver in the whole world!
00:07:42Man, can I have an Azuga?
00:07:45Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga, Azuga!
00:07:49Hey, nice Azuga.
00:07:50Yay!
00:07:51Yay!
00:07:52And now the reason for the emergency meeting.
00:07:56The choosing of the driver!
00:07:59Yay!
00:08:00Yay!
00:08:02Our driver should be a man who's all he-man.
00:08:05A he-man so manly that if he fell off a building, he'll go out of his way and land
00:08:11on a girl.
00:08:13John, this year our driver's name is my mother and my lifelong chum, my best buddy in the whole wild
00:08:24world, the one and only Alfalfa!
00:08:27Yay!
00:08:29Yay!
00:08:30Yay!
00:08:31Yay!
00:08:31Boom!
00:08:32Say, where the heck is Alfalfa?
00:08:44You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? You're everything I hope for. You're everything I need.
00:09:07You are so beautiful to me.
00:09:16There he is, you guys! Come on!
00:09:18Quiet, Petey!
00:09:22Stay together!
00:09:23Oh no!
00:09:25This is awful!
00:09:28Buckwheat, hand me your fishing pole!
00:09:31Oh, Darla. We're two hearts with but one beat.
00:09:37Two brains with but one thought.
00:09:40Two souls with but one... shoe.
00:09:46Then how can you belong to that silly woman haters club?
00:09:50You know, I'm a woman. Sort of.
00:09:55Let me tell you something, Darla. I'm not like those guys. I'm a sensitive male.
00:10:03I'm in the sharing, caring, feeling and healing. I'm in touch with my feminine side.
00:10:10How nice.
00:10:11It's worse than I thought.
00:10:13You know, Alfalfa, the big talent show with the fair is coming up and I was sort of wondering if
00:10:18maybe you'd like to sing with me.
00:10:21You mean it? I'd be honored.
00:10:23Hey, I've got an idea. Let me take you on a picnic tomorrow.
00:10:28Excuse me?
00:10:29So while you feed my soul, I can... feed your face.
00:10:36Cool. And to prove you're proud of me, why don't we have our picnic in your clubhouse?
00:10:43No!
00:10:46Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Swimming day?
00:10:50Sure.
00:10:52Sure.
00:10:53Oh, Alfalfa. You're a sweet-poo.
00:10:57Yeah!
00:11:02Hehehehe.
00:11:04Oh.
00:11:11All right, Warren. Ready for the test run?
00:11:14Ready, Bush!
00:11:22Look! There goes our bumper!
00:11:28All this run for nothing!
00:11:41Everything's working out perfectly. The guys are at the swimming hole and I'm at home with a toothache. Nothing can
00:11:48possibly go wrong.
00:11:49No!
00:11:53Hiya, Bush!
00:11:54Shut up!
00:11:55When's the last time we beat you up?
00:11:58Let's see.
00:11:59Today's the 10th, 30 days half September, April, June, and November.
00:12:05It's not a leap year.
00:12:10Yesterday?
00:12:11You're due.
00:12:13Look!
00:12:15I don't see nothing.
00:12:17Come on, you doink!
00:12:19Let's go! He can't run very fast!
00:12:22Come back here, you ugly little squid!
00:12:24Woo!
00:12:25Woo!
00:12:27Woo!
00:12:28Woo!
00:12:30Woo!
00:12:31Woo!
00:12:34Woo!
00:12:35Woo!
00:12:36Woo!
00:12:37Woo!
00:12:39Woo!
00:12:41Yeah!
00:12:51Oh, come on, Courtney.
00:12:53These are for you.
00:13:02Fifi!
00:13:06Good, doggy.
00:13:09I hope Fifi didn't startle you. She's so playful.
00:13:15Forgive my effrontery, but you, miss, are a rare rose in a garden of weeds. You have the sophistication of
00:13:25a woman of twelve.
00:13:28My name is Waldo Aloysius Johnston III.
00:13:33I'm Alfalfa.
00:13:34Yes, I'm sure you are.
00:13:36And I'm Tyler.
00:13:39We just moved into town. My father bought the oil refinery.
00:13:43That explains why you're so refined.
00:13:46Yeah, and so oily.
00:13:48Watch it, bud.
00:13:51I hope to see you again soon.
00:13:54That could be arranged. I'll be appearing in the talent show coming up.
00:13:58Yeah, the two of us will both be singing a duet together.
00:14:03How redundant.
00:14:07Well, I shall be going now.
00:14:12Whoa!
00:14:16What a hunk!
00:14:18He's smoother than a baby's bottom.
00:14:22And he smells better, too.
00:14:39Oh, you're so nice for bringing me here.
00:15:00A candlelit lunch. I'm dazzled.
00:15:17Excuse me.
00:15:20I seem to have a little farfuganugan.
00:15:25No problem.
00:15:28Grape soda?
00:15:29Yes, please.
00:15:39To us.
00:15:42Mmm!
00:15:49This takes away somebody poured it for an old boot.
00:15:53Actually, it's a sneaker.
00:15:58Must have been a bad year.
00:16:05Maybe we should strap on the old feed bag.
00:16:08Which sandwich can I bring?
00:16:10This one.
00:16:11Why don't we swap?
00:16:13If it's yours is mine, or if it's mine is ours.
00:16:17You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away.
00:16:21This will take her breath away.
00:16:32Porky, you sure know how to make a sandwich.
00:16:35That wasn't sand. That was candy litter.
00:16:37Don't worry.
00:16:39Don't worry. It's pretty fresh.
00:16:43Yeah.
00:16:46This is a delicious sandwich.
00:16:48Sorry to you.
00:16:51That is crunchy.
00:16:55Maybe we should move on to dessert.
00:17:04It's a surprise.
00:17:08It's beautiful.
00:17:11I had to eat six boxes of Cracker Jacks to find it.
00:17:14It's a symbol of my undying affliction for you.
00:17:18I love diamonds.
00:17:36I was wrong about you, Elfalfa.
00:17:39Darla, you're not embarrassed by the woman you love.
00:17:44Darla, would you thank me for it if I asked you for a, um, big wet one?
00:17:52What?
00:17:53A kiss?
00:17:55Okay.
00:18:02Oh, man. Gross.
00:18:07Get out!
00:18:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:18:12Why, thank you, Elfalfa.
00:18:19Open up!
00:18:20In my hurry to eat, I forgot to give you the tour.
00:18:23Here's the wall.
00:18:25Here's the other wall, and...
00:18:28Here's our closet!
00:18:29Have you lost your mind?
00:18:31Don't you want to go in there?
00:18:32Just as I thought, you are ashamed of me.
00:18:35I'm not ashamed of you. I'm proud of you.
00:18:37Open up!
00:18:38I just don't want anybody to see you.
00:18:40Well, that doesn't miss her. I'm out of here.
00:18:48It's about the club.
00:18:50Hiya, guys. You're back early.
00:18:53How's the toothache, bub?
00:18:55Oh, yeah.
00:18:56Dennis pulled my wisdom teeth.
00:18:59So that explains why you're acting so stupid.
00:19:02Well, we're going inside the clubhouse now.
00:19:05Such a nice day outside, isn't it?
00:19:08What's going on in there?
00:19:12Hey, what's that noise?
00:19:14Whoa!
00:19:16Oh!
00:19:21Darla!
00:19:27Fire!
00:19:28Fire!
00:19:29Let's get to work!
00:19:30You two call on a fighting problem.
00:19:32Yes, sir!
00:19:34No!
00:19:35No!
00:19:41No!
00:19:44No!
00:19:47No!
00:19:52No!
00:19:55No, no!
00:19:57No!
00:19:57Oh, my God!
00:20:01Oh, my God!
00:20:06Oh, my God!
00:20:08Oh, my God!
00:20:08Get some water!
00:20:09Bucket!
00:20:10Oh, my God!
00:20:17Oh, my God!
00:20:19Bucket!
00:20:19Bucket!
00:20:26Quick!
00:20:27What's the number for 9-1-1?
00:20:30How do I know?
00:20:34Let's go!
00:20:35If you'd like to make a call,
00:20:36please hang up and try again.
00:20:50Here's the holes!
00:20:51Turn it on when that's up!
00:20:52Uh-huh!
00:20:57Frankie! Over here!
00:21:03Go! Go!
00:21:05Go! Go!
00:21:06Faster!
00:21:07Go even faster!
00:21:12Wow! That is fast!
00:21:17Hey, beat it, pal!
00:21:21Tommy! Let her in!
00:21:27Whoa!
00:21:29What?
00:21:29Whoa!
00:21:31Whoa!
00:21:35Whoa!
00:21:39Whoa!
00:21:39Whoa!
00:21:53I'm never gonna speak to you as long as I live.
00:21:57Tell him when he comes, too, guys.
00:22:02Goodbye!
00:22:04Excuse me!
00:22:07Hi, Darla.
00:22:09I thought that was you.
00:22:11How about a ride in my father's Bentley?
00:22:13Hi!
00:22:13And then, over a Belgian croissant.
00:22:16We might talk about performing in the talent show together.
00:22:19Sounds great!
00:22:20I had a hard day.
00:22:22The clubhouse is fried crispy.
00:22:24Our lives are over.
00:22:27It's all your fault!
00:22:32That's right.
00:22:40I'll rise for John Spanky!
00:22:43Yay!
00:22:44Thank you!
00:22:46I think...
00:22:48I'm guilty.
00:22:51How do you plead?
00:22:54Like this?
00:22:57Please, oh, please have mercy!
00:22:59Please!
00:23:00Hmm!
00:23:01Pretty good pleading.
00:23:04Hmm.
00:23:05Would you like to make a statement?
00:23:09Just that...
00:23:11I never knew liking a girl could lead to all of this.
00:23:16I let my pals down,
00:23:18I let the club down,
00:23:19and I let my best friend down.
00:23:24A five foot switzer,
00:23:26I hereby sentence you
00:23:27to execution...
00:23:29at dawn.
00:23:31Yes!
00:23:32Uh-huh!
00:23:35Your Honor,
00:23:36may I suggest
00:23:37this court rules
00:23:38he be put on probation.
00:23:40As terms of the probation,
00:23:42he alone will be responsible
00:23:44for guarding the go-cart.
00:23:46Day and night.
00:23:49Court agrees!
00:23:51You mean you want me to spend the night here?
00:23:55All alone?
00:23:56Out in the open?
00:23:58What about the wild dingoes?
00:24:00Deal with it!
00:24:01There's another term of his permission
00:24:03that he may never again
00:24:04talk to,
00:24:05see,
00:24:06or even think about,
00:24:07Darla,
00:24:08or else.
00:24:12And I'm making it my own personal business
00:24:15to see that you don't.
00:24:20Oh!
00:24:34You are so beautiful to me.
00:24:37I love you, Alfalfa.
00:24:40I want to die in your arms.
00:24:42You do?
00:24:44Of course not right away.
00:24:46I'm off to join Sir Spankus.
00:24:49How's the toothache, bub?
00:24:51But you're my boy toy.
00:24:54I won't let you go.
00:24:55You must choose between us.
00:24:57Uh...
00:24:58Yeah, you must choose between us.
00:25:00Sir Alfalfa,
00:25:01whole butt!
00:25:02Maybe this will help you make up your mind.
00:25:17Tell me you'll never leave me!
00:25:20I'll never leave you!
00:25:21That's it!
00:25:22Traitor,
00:25:23we must slay you
00:25:25before your forbidden love
00:25:27destroys our manly bond!
00:25:31Tooth or die!
00:25:32Tooth or die!
00:25:35Tooth or die!
00:25:38Tooth or die!
00:25:40Tooth or die!
00:25:42Tooth or die!
00:25:43Tooth or die!
00:25:45Tooth or die!
00:25:45Tooth or die!
00:25:46Tooth or die!
00:25:47Tooth or die!
00:25:47Tooth or die!
00:25:47Tooth or die!
00:25:48Tooth or die!
00:25:48Tooth or die!
00:25:48Tooth or die!
00:25:49Tooth or die!
00:25:49Tooth or die!
00:25:51Tooth or die!
00:25:58Tooth or die!
00:26:02He's not patched, just us.
00:26:04We came to keep you company.
00:26:06Yeah.
00:26:07Yeah.
00:26:08Well, why am I soaking wet?
00:26:11Don't worry, Alfalfa.
00:26:13I used to have the same problem.
00:26:16Is this just the home in the tent?
00:26:30You're not thinking about Darla, are you?
00:26:33No, of course not.
00:26:35Good.
00:26:36I wonder if she's not thinking of me, too.
00:26:39Why are boys such jerks?
00:26:42You're not thinking about Alfalfa, are you?
00:26:46Oh, no, no, no, no way.
00:26:50Are you, sir?
00:26:54Babes are like a bad song.
00:26:56Once you get them stuck in your head, you can't get them out again.
00:27:04Why do they have to be so different?
00:27:09Girls get along with each other.
00:27:11Boys stand up for themselves.
00:27:13Girls stare.
00:27:15Boys take what's theirs.
00:27:17Boys won't listen.
00:27:19All they want to do is talk.
00:27:21They like to moon ya.
00:27:23No, we don't.
00:27:30Giggling and gossiping.
00:27:32Farting and farting.
00:27:34Barbies and bracelets.
00:27:36Bogers and bugs.
00:27:38Ice skating.
00:27:39Bungee jumping.
00:27:40Synchronized swimming.
00:27:44I'm trying to get them to sit still.
00:27:47Boys!
00:27:49Boys!
00:27:50Girls!
00:27:52And the worst thing of all,
00:27:54they smell weird!
00:27:58Bow!
00:28:01Bow!
00:28:03Bow!
00:28:05Bow!
00:28:11Howdy, mister.
00:28:16Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse.
00:28:19We need to buy some lumber.
00:28:22What kind?
00:28:23Wood!
00:28:24We took up a collection.
00:28:28Get us all the way to camp for this much, please.
00:28:30Short people got no reason to live.
00:28:36They got little hands, little eyes.
00:28:41They walk around telling...
00:28:44Paper or plastic?
00:28:45They got little noses, tiny little teeth.
00:28:49They wear a flat bone shoe.
00:28:51Four hundred and fifty dollars for lumber?
00:28:55Where are we gonna get that kind of move off?
00:28:57I don't know.
00:28:59You know what they say.
00:29:01Wood doesn't grow on trees.
00:29:05Hey, you guys!
00:29:07Come here!
00:29:08What was that...
00:29:11All in favor, say...
00:29:14Yoy yoy yoy yoy!
00:29:15Yoy yoy yoy yoy!
00:29:18Yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy!
00:29:31Six kids, hard-working father, honest and trustworthy, loan denied.
00:29:41Hello, my good man.
00:29:43Gentlemen, have a seat.
00:29:47Can we sit down?
00:29:48Are you kidding?
00:29:50We can't sit down, my good man.
00:29:53What may I do for you?
00:29:54We want to take out a hefty loan.
00:29:57Of course, of course. Do you have an account with us?
00:29:59And how.
00:30:00What is your account number?
00:30:05Uh, seven.
00:30:08Seven.
00:30:10Seven.
00:30:13Try eight.
00:30:15Eight?
00:30:18Heard enough.
00:30:22Ouch!
00:30:23If you were my kids, I'd punish you.
00:30:26If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves.
00:30:31Leave the premises, post-haste.
00:30:33You can't treat people this way, mister.
00:30:36You're not people.
00:30:38You're kids.
00:30:49Good luck.
00:30:55She loves me.
00:31:05You guys don't know what you're talking about.
00:31:08I have to see her.
00:31:11I have to see her.
00:31:11But that's a violation if you're a probation.
00:31:17I know.
00:31:18I'll write a message, and you two can take it to her.
00:31:21Wait a second.
00:31:22We're heat and woman haters.
00:31:24We can't deliver love notes.
00:31:26Love note?
00:31:27Oh, no.
00:31:28This is going to be a hate note.
00:31:30Sounds good to me.
00:31:35Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts.
00:31:40You make me vomit.
00:31:44Ah!
00:31:45You're scum between my toes.
00:31:50Love, alfalfa.
00:31:53Oh, Tay!
00:31:56What's up, guys?
00:32:00Buckwheat, where's the note?
00:32:03Note, note.
00:32:05I know I got here somewhere.
00:32:08Come on, guys.
00:32:10We'll find it.
00:32:16I'm waiting.
00:32:25I know I gave it to you.
00:32:29Uh-oh.
00:32:31What's going on?
00:32:33Sorry.
00:32:34It's OK.
00:32:35I remember what it said.
00:32:38Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts.
00:32:44You make me vomit.
00:32:46You're scum between my toes.
00:32:49Ah, buff, alf, alfa.
00:32:57Whoa.
00:33:00Well, yeah, but was she upset?
00:33:03Mm-hmm.
00:33:04Mm-hmm.
00:33:04Mm-hmm.
00:33:05Mm-hmm.
00:33:07Oh.
00:33:08I have to go to her house and explain what happened.
00:33:11Forget it, pal.
00:33:13Number one, she's not home.
00:33:15Because she has a ballet recital.
00:33:17Number two.
00:33:19What was number two?
00:33:22No, not that.
00:33:26The other number two.
00:33:28Spanky said you couldn't talk to her.
00:33:31What?
00:33:31I can talk to Darla any time I want.
00:33:36Spanky's not the boss of me.
00:33:39Hi-ya, pal.
00:33:43Oh, no.
00:33:54Trust me, this is for your own good.
00:33:57If you dump her, you'll feel like a new man.
00:34:00But I like to feel a field man.
00:34:04Hello.
00:34:05Hello.
00:34:05Enjoy the show.
00:34:07Who are you with?
00:34:08I'm with him.
00:34:10And we need to talk to Darla.
00:34:13I'm afraid that's out of the question.
00:34:14She's about to go on stage.
00:34:16Now, clear the door.
00:34:17Go on.
00:34:18Too bad.
00:34:20Woo!
00:34:20Let's go.
00:34:22Hold it, partner.
00:34:23We're waiting right here till Darla comes out.
00:34:26Oh, man.
00:34:46This will be like stealing candy from a baby.
00:34:49Oh, boy.
00:34:52Come on.
00:35:06Hey, look, Darla.
00:35:12Ducky, ducky.
00:35:13I want you to ducky, ducky.
00:35:15Ducky.
00:35:17Ducky, ducky, ducky.
00:35:19Ducky, come here, ducky.
00:35:21Nothing beats a buck and a duck.
00:35:25Hey, a dumb duck winner.
00:35:29Hmm.
00:35:32What's this?
00:35:39Oh, no, my pickles.
00:35:42Oh, yuck.
00:35:43We got a dollar.
00:35:44We got a dollar.
00:35:46We got a dollar.
00:35:47Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:35:48Hey, we got a dollar.
00:35:50We got a dollar.
00:35:51We got a dollar.
00:35:52Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:35:56I'm bored.
00:35:58Ta-da.
00:36:00Gee, thanks.
00:36:04Uh-oh.
00:36:06Put your wine.
00:36:06Put that thing in your pocket.
00:36:08It must bail.
00:36:09Hey, there they are.
00:36:16Whoops.
00:36:21Let's go.
00:36:26Whoops.
00:36:28Whoops.
00:36:34Hiya, big boys.
00:36:36Whoa, whoa.
00:36:37Ditto.
00:36:39Say, you two, chick, let's see a couple of ugly mugs who ran in here.
00:36:44Can we massage you?
00:36:46I think they were in there.
00:36:52Thanks, Delphys.
00:36:54Bye.
00:36:58One, two, three.
00:37:01Got you.
00:37:02What are you doing?
00:37:04You two do not belong here.
00:37:06I shall escort you to the door.
00:37:09No!
00:37:10Stop this!
00:37:11Please, you're hurting me badly!
00:37:13This tutu's killing me.
00:37:15Took the words right out of my mouth.
00:37:21Hi.
00:37:23Hi.
00:37:25Are you a fairy?
00:37:27No.
00:37:28You know, a sugar plow fairy.
00:37:30Oh, well, yes, of course.
00:37:34What's the matter?
00:37:35Oh, she must have a frog in her throat.
00:37:38I'm so nervous.
00:37:40I'm sweating like a pig.
00:37:42It must be the recital.
00:37:45Oh, come here.
00:37:48Here's my hanky.
00:37:50Gee, thanks.
00:37:55No, that's all right.
00:37:57You keep it.
00:37:58I'm nervous, too.
00:38:00Waldo's going to be here.
00:38:02Waldo's got his boyfriend.
00:38:05Do you have boyfriends?
00:38:08No.
00:38:08No.
00:38:09No.
00:38:10Of course not.
00:38:11Uh.
00:38:12But there is one boy I'd really love to get to know.
00:38:15His name is Alfalfa.
00:38:18What a physique.
00:38:20Are you crazy?
00:38:21I used to know Alfalfa.
00:38:24He took the best years of my life.
00:38:27Same here.
00:38:28That ugly scud led me all as if he cared,
00:38:31then dropped me like a hot tamale.
00:38:37Plush, you know what?
00:38:39No, why?
00:38:41I hear he dresses in girls' clothes.
00:38:46I don't miss him at all, except...
00:38:51His voice.
00:38:53When he sings, he makes me melt like a popsicle
00:38:57on the 4th of July.
00:39:00He is awfully romantical.
00:39:04Well, it was lovely chatting,
00:39:06but we really gotta go.
00:39:08Hi!
00:39:09All right, girls.
00:39:11It's time to take your positions.
00:39:14It's showtime!
00:39:15I thought I'd rather have to go.
00:39:17Come on, little girl.
00:39:19Hey, Spanky.
00:39:21What are we doing?
00:39:24And now, scenes from The Nutcracker.
00:39:33And two, and three.
00:39:40Get rampant.
00:39:52Come here, hold my hand.
00:39:53Are you nuts?
00:39:58What?
00:40:03What?
00:40:13trois...
00:40:15Oh, oh, oh.
00:40:47Let's get out of here!
00:40:50Good thing I finally caught that frog!
00:40:52Yeah, now you got worried about warts.
00:40:55Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:40:59Whoo!
00:41:02You ruined my recital. Where's...
00:41:05Come on out of there, young lady.
00:41:08I wouldn't open that if I was you.
00:41:13Well, this is a professional school of battling.
00:41:16Now, get out and do not come back!
00:41:28I'll distract him while you make a getaway.
00:41:30Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal.
00:41:33Think nothing of it.
00:41:39Hello again, you stub muffins. Going my way?
00:41:43Gee, we'd love to.
00:41:45But we're waiting around to beat the shorts off a couple of twerks.
00:41:49You're lost, baby.
00:41:56Got a burger to go with that shake?
00:41:58Do-do-do-do-do.
00:42:03Ah!
00:42:05That's him!
00:42:07Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
00:42:09Go back here, you ugly little freak!
00:42:11Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
00:42:26And stay out.
00:42:46Things couldn't possibly get any worse!
00:42:50Oh, then the clouds opened up and God said,
00:42:53I hate you, Alfalfa.
00:42:56Nice tan.
00:42:57Any last words?
00:43:00Yeah.
00:43:01Uh, see ya!
00:43:04Woo!
00:43:04Woo!
00:43:09Woo!
00:43:10Woo!
00:43:13Woo!
00:43:16Woo!
00:43:16Hey!
00:43:17No!
00:43:20Ow!
00:43:22I'll let myself out.
00:43:26Well, you better.
00:43:31Now this one is good!
00:43:33It's good!
00:43:34I'm right back!
00:43:34Oh!
00:43:51Oh!
00:44:08There's a perfectly logical explanation for this.
00:44:14We'll chop makeup later.
00:44:24Do you like pickles?
00:44:25I think they stink.
00:44:30I love pickles.
00:44:32My mother makes me eat them.
00:44:34I'm crazy about them.
00:44:37I'll study my pickles on a nickel.
00:44:40How about two cents?
00:44:43Okay.
00:44:45I have two pickles.
00:44:47I have two pickles.
00:44:48I have two pickles today.
00:44:50Hey, hey.
00:44:53I get two pickles today.
00:44:58Birthday?
00:45:00Don't ask.
00:45:02Are these kosher?
00:45:04Let's go.
00:45:08Let's go.
00:45:26Let's go.
00:45:40Let's go.
00:45:41Let's go.
00:45:42Let's go.
00:45:46Let's go.
00:46:01Let's go.
00:46:06Let's go.
00:46:17Let's go.
00:46:44Let's go.
00:46:48Let's go.
00:46:49Let's go.
00:46:51Wanna come in?
00:46:52At least people are riding the rides.
00:46:56Please go in.
00:47:00I will not think of Darla.
00:47:03I will not think of Darla.
00:47:07I will not think of Darla.
00:47:11Maybe Spanky's right.
00:47:14Maybe I should just forget about love.
00:47:19Dang, I'm out of paper.
00:47:26No, not that kind of paper.
00:47:38Thanks, Petey.
00:47:48Stumped by that sleazy Sidewinder Spanky.
00:47:52It's his fault Darla hates me.
00:48:08Hop in, Petey.
00:48:10Sit.
00:48:19Come on Spanky, so things didn't quite pan out.
00:48:23Didn't quite pan out.
00:48:24We had less money than when we came.
00:48:26Hey, I thought the title of the show was supposed to be free.
00:48:30Ooh.
00:48:31Look at all that money.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35We just put up the sign and people started paying us.
00:48:39Buckwheat Porky, you're geniuses.
00:48:42Thanks.
00:48:43Look, how about if I take over and give you guys a break?
00:48:47Okay.
00:48:52Money, money.
00:48:54Spanky McFarlane.
00:48:55Miss Cramtree.
00:48:59I would expect this from a four-year-old, but not from you.
00:49:05Spanky, tricking people out of their money is wrong.
00:49:08It's just like cheating on your homework.
00:49:11But I...
00:49:11What are we to do with all this money?
00:49:13We can't give it back to these people one by one.
00:49:16Um, Miss Cramtree.
00:49:18I've got a suggestion.
00:49:21What we can do is...
00:49:24Interesting.
00:49:27Intriguing.
00:49:29I love it.
00:49:30I love it.
00:49:43Nice suit, kid.
00:49:52L is for the way you look at me.
00:49:57L is for the only one.
00:50:03I see.
00:50:04V is very, very extraordinary.
00:50:10Now, E is even more than anyone that you adore.
00:50:17And love is all that I can give to you.
00:50:23Love is more than just a game or two.
00:50:31And love can't make it.
00:50:34Take my heart, but please don't break it.
00:50:38Love was made for me and you.
00:50:43Dang.
00:50:47Miss Cramtree, do you got room for just one more act?
00:50:51I think we could squeeze you in.
00:50:53Thanks, Miss Cramtree.
00:50:55You're welcome.
00:50:56Well, fellas, your president saved your bacon.
00:50:59I convinced Miss Cramtree to use the money as the first prize in the go-kart derby.
00:51:05Yeah!
00:51:07Just think, in three days, the money's ours.
00:51:10Everything else may have gone wrong, but there's no way we can lose the race.
00:51:26Yeah!
00:51:29The blur belongs to Butch.
00:51:31And Lime.
00:51:34Well, if it isn't falafel.
00:51:37Alfalfa!
00:51:37Whatever.
00:51:39I hope you didn't miss my duet with Darla.
00:51:42You call that a duet?
00:51:44It was stupendous.
00:51:46She wasn't bad either.
00:51:48Oh, my darling!
00:51:50Oh, my darling!
00:51:51What on earth are you doing?
00:51:52I'm warming up my vocalizer.
00:51:55I'm about to win Darla back through song.
00:52:00I'm the barber of Saltville.
00:52:08Figaro, Figaro, Figaro.
00:52:12Don't you get it?
00:52:14Darla can't stand you.
00:52:16Alfalfa, you're on.
00:52:21Darla won't love me after I sing to her.
00:52:24Darla can't resist my voice.
00:52:26She said so herself.
00:52:29Come on, dear.
00:52:35This is a song about a tragic romance.
00:52:39I once fell in love with a girl and through schemes and betrayals by my best friend.
00:52:46She came to think I was nothing more than a he-man woman hater.
00:52:51But I'm a woman lover.
00:52:55So let me raise a toast to the girl I love most in the whole world.
00:53:01Please don't say my name. Please don't say my name.
00:53:04Darla.
00:53:20If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass.
00:53:26I can't think of anything I need.
00:53:33No cigarettes, no signal lights, no sound.
00:53:42Nothing too late, no books to read.
00:53:50Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe.
00:53:55And to love you.
00:54:01All I need is the air that I breathe.
00:54:04Yes, to love you.
00:54:08All I need is the air that I breathe.
00:54:12And to love you.
00:54:15All I need is the air that I breathe.
00:54:29Hey.
00:54:30Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles.
00:54:32That was the most disgusting display, shame and woman loving I've ever seen.
00:54:39Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold.
00:54:42You, you Judas Priest.
00:54:44This is all your fault.
00:54:46All my fault?
00:54:47You torched the clubhouse.
00:54:49And it's all my fault?
00:54:51Say, you're supposed to be guarding the go-kart, you muzak wobbling wimp.
00:54:56Relax, you double-crossing mud muncher.
00:54:59I parked it right over there.
00:55:09It was right here.
00:55:12Well, where is it?
00:55:13Boy, you're messing up left and right.
00:55:15That's it, you sissy-fied sweet bird.
00:55:18I wish I had a club to throw you out of.
00:55:22Me too.
00:55:23Well, you sewer-swinging slime ball.
00:55:25If there still was a club, I'd quit.
00:55:29Good.
00:55:29Hmph.
00:55:30What a whimp.
00:55:31Yeah.
00:55:40I've had bad dreams too many times to think that they don't mean much anymore.
00:55:58Fine times have gone.
00:56:02Fine times have gone.
00:56:03Left my set home.
00:56:07And friends who once cared.
00:56:12Just walked out my door.
00:56:15Why don't you go make up with him, Alfalfa?
00:56:18You guys have been friends since Evil One.
00:56:20He started it.
00:56:22And you should finish it.
00:56:23You're a team like Bert and Ernie, Superman and Clark Kent.
00:56:28Millie and Vanillie.
00:56:30At least go talk to him.
00:56:32What could it cost?
00:56:33You mean besides my dignity and pride?
00:56:36All I know is you only make a once in a lifetime buddy.
00:56:41Once in a lifetime.
00:56:44Too many times to think that you could come back again.
00:56:57And love has no pride when I call out your name.
00:57:06Is Spanky home?
00:57:07I'm sorry, Alfalfa.
00:57:09Spanky isn't here.
00:57:10I'm sorry, Spanky.
00:57:11Alfalfa's not here.
00:57:14Darn.
00:57:16Darn.
00:57:17I'd give anything to see you again.
00:57:25I thought I'd find you here.
00:57:30I'm sorry I called you a double-crossing mud muncher
00:57:33and a sewer-swinging slime ball.
00:57:36I'm sorry I called you a sissified Tweety Bird
00:57:39and a musak warbling lamp.
00:57:42I'm sorry I called you a barf and crusted jumbo jerk.
00:57:46You didn't call me a barf and crusted jumbo jerk.
00:57:50Oh, I guess I was just thinking it.
00:57:53I'm sorry.
00:57:55I'm sorry about the fire.
00:57:56I'm sorry about messing up your picnic lunch with Darla.
00:58:00Maybe I'm sort of responsible for the fire too a little.
00:58:04You know, Spanky, I like girls.
00:58:07It might even get worse as I get older.
00:58:11I know you like girls fast.
00:58:13The problem is, rules is rules.
00:58:16But is women hating the important thing?
00:58:19I mean, couldn't we be a club because we like something?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:24Shoot.
00:58:25It's our clubhouse.
00:58:27We don't have a club.
00:58:28Hey!
00:58:29You guys went on a clubhouse, not a club.
00:58:32A club is buddies who stick together no matter what!
00:58:36Uh-huh!
00:58:37That's right!
00:58:40I just wish we could still enjoy the go-kart derby.
00:58:44But it's impossible!
00:58:46Who says it's impossible?
00:58:49Every one of us working together.
00:58:52Pow!
00:58:52That's all the possible we need!
00:59:09We don't need the circuitry and the Wirabelle.
00:59:18Somebody get a supercharger!
00:59:20Go get it, guys!
00:59:49Here, Petey.
00:59:57Screwdriver.
00:59:59Screwdriver.
01:00:05Screwdriver.
01:00:16Ratchet.
01:00:17Ratchet.
01:00:22Hey, uh-huh.
01:00:24Does it stink in there?
01:00:26Uh-huh.
01:00:31Monkey Ranch.
01:00:37Ta-dum!
01:00:39Do a crown, buddy.
01:00:43You betcha.
01:00:48Hey, everybody, don't forget.
01:00:50Following the go-kart derby, there will be a Tiny Tot Bunny race at 3.30.
01:00:54Entrance must be five years and under.
01:00:56See you there.
01:00:58Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
01:01:00welcome to the 73rd annual go-kart derby.
01:01:11Hey, guys.
01:01:13Get in your cars.
01:01:14You're ready to start.
01:01:16You there, the kid in the blue.
01:01:18It's not parsing around.
01:01:19You're gonna break your neck.
01:01:21How we gonna beat that?
01:01:24It looks like the blur with a new paint job.
01:01:36We're going to the race.
01:01:39we're gonna win first place
01:01:41and you have an ugly face
01:01:54hi dad it's me
01:01:56you're gonna be so proud of me
01:01:58I'm gonna win this race
01:02:00Waldo you're the best son money can buy
01:02:03thanks dad
01:02:06I don't have an ugly face
01:02:07you have an ugly face
01:02:08you have an ugly face
01:02:10your mother has an ugly face
01:02:16now the race course is marked off with arrows
01:02:19and it ends right back here where it started from
01:02:23oh great
01:02:26this is the prize money for the winner of the race
01:02:28it's just about $500
01:02:31just say it's from an anonymous donor
01:02:33you got it
01:02:36Waldo hurry up for late
01:02:38oh please we're making an entrance
01:02:40just sit back relax
01:02:42and leave everything to moi
01:02:49I wonder where AJ Ferguson is
01:02:51I don't know but I can't wait to meet him
01:02:53okay guys this is it
01:02:55fasten your seatbelts
01:02:57well well Mr. Johnston
01:02:59nice of you to join us
01:03:00the last car is finally in position
01:03:04well if it isn't Waldo
01:03:08all the money in the world
01:03:10no substitute for hard work and ingenuity
01:03:13you lead a rich fantasy life
01:03:16thank you
01:03:20moron
01:03:21what are you doing with that
01:03:22it's Starla's handkerchief
01:03:24all great knights ride into battle
01:03:27wearing the colors of their lady fair
01:03:30I'm not hearing this
01:03:32I'm not hearing this
01:03:33I'm not hearing this
01:03:39hey look
01:03:41my mom's here
01:03:43whoopie
01:03:48the first racer to cross the finish line will receive this genuine gold plated cubic circonian encrusted trophy
01:04:02as well as the prize of $500
01:04:20gentlemen start your engines
01:04:30all right
01:04:32ready
01:04:33steady
01:04:34one
01:04:34two
01:04:35three
01:04:36go
01:04:46go
01:04:47Woo-hoo!
01:05:15Stringle Lime!
01:05:18Ha ha!
01:05:20Ha ha!
01:05:21Oh no!
01:05:23Ah!
01:05:27Ah!
01:05:36Woo-hoo!
01:05:38Hey!
01:05:48You snot what stole a racer.
01:05:52Finders keepers, losers suck.
01:05:55Ah, bite me.
01:06:02Waldo, I think we have to turn here.
01:06:05Girls have no sense of direction.
01:06:07You know, you're starting to get on my nerves.
01:06:11Hmm?
01:06:14Whoa!
01:06:41Watch out!
01:06:42Get out of the way!
01:06:48Excuse us!
01:06:50Move!
01:06:54You little rascals!
01:06:56Sorry!
01:06:58Ten points for the old guy!
01:07:06It's time to lose these losers!
01:07:09Atomic batteries to power!
01:07:12Turbines to speed!
01:07:21They're getting away!
01:07:22Hold on to your bitty!
01:07:28Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:07:39Activate rocket boosters!
01:07:47You idiot!
01:07:48You put them in?
01:07:49Backwards!
01:07:50It's time!
01:07:57Whoa!
01:07:59Yes!
01:08:02Yes!
01:08:04Yes!
01:08:04Yes!
01:08:06Yes!
01:08:06Yes!
01:08:09Yes!
01:08:09two again? I really hate to do this.
01:08:14Huh? Yikes! Spikes!
01:08:18Ah! Ah!
01:08:23Ah!
01:08:26Ah! Ah!
01:08:34Hey, you could have killed them! Just forget about that
01:08:37soap-sucking nincompoop. So you're responsible for the bubbles
01:08:42at the talent show. Pull over right now. I'm not finishing this race
01:08:46with you. You've got it, babe. Now get out.
01:08:54Where in Tarnation are we?
01:09:04Look! We're back in the race!
01:09:08Hey, pretty good shortcut.
01:09:11Hey, I'm big in here!
01:09:14Don't worry. This'll fix them.
01:09:22Yeah!
01:09:23What's that?
01:09:25Ah!
01:09:26Ah!
01:09:27Ah!
01:09:28I can't see!
01:09:30Where are we?
01:09:36What's going on?
01:09:39I can't see!
01:09:49I can't see!
01:09:52I can't see!
01:09:53Hey, mind your biggest, rich boy!
01:09:58What a guy!
01:10:00Thanks, pal!
01:10:06Ah! Ah! Ah!
01:10:12Grab the wheel!
01:10:13Are you crazy or something?
01:10:15We got a fish land across!
01:10:17Not without this!
01:10:18You're nuts!
01:10:27Whoa!
01:10:28Watch out!
01:10:29You're going to fall!
01:10:31Ah!
01:10:32Ah!
01:10:34Ah!
01:10:34I'm going to fall!
01:10:35Hold my feet!
01:10:37Ah!
01:10:38Ah!
01:10:39Ah!
01:10:43Ah!
01:10:44Ah!
01:10:45Ah!
01:10:47Ah!
01:10:48Ah!
01:10:49Ah!
01:10:50Ah!
01:10:50Ah!
01:10:51Ah!
01:10:51Ah!
01:10:51Ah!
01:10:52Ah!
01:10:54Ah!
01:10:55Ah!
01:10:56Ah!
01:10:56Ah!
01:10:57Hold on!
01:10:57We're almost there!
01:10:59Ah!
01:10:59Ah!
01:11:04Winner by a hair!
01:11:05Yes!
01:11:06Ah!
01:11:08Ah!
01:11:10Ah!
01:11:11Ah!
01:11:11Ah!
01:11:17Ah!
01:11:17You did it!
01:11:18Alfalfa, you won!
01:11:19We did it!
01:11:20All of us!
01:11:21Ah!
01:11:22Gentlemen, let's give Alfalfa a big spolioli!
01:11:27Spolioli!
01:11:28Spolioli!
01:11:29Spolioli!
01:11:30Spolioli!
01:11:31Spolioli!
01:11:32Spolioli!
01:11:33Spolioli!
01:11:34Thank you!
01:11:35Thank you!
01:11:35Thank you!
01:11:37Thank you!
01:11:38It ain't right!
01:11:40We go through all the trouble of stealing your racer, and you still win!
01:11:44Better brace yourself, because now I'm really going to kick your butt!
01:11:48I'm usually a lover, not a fighter, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception!
01:12:01Pig Pucky!
01:12:05Allow me!
01:12:12Looking good, man!
01:12:14Yeah!
01:12:15Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us!
01:12:19I gotta admit, you turned out to be pretty okay!
01:12:22Darn it!
01:12:24Put it there, pal!
01:12:26You're quite a guy!
01:12:27Us Matusmo types have a club, a He-Man Moment Haters Club!
01:12:32Alfalfa, I'm extending a membership offer here!
01:12:36Now what is it?
01:12:37That's not Waldo!
01:12:39You'll be hearing from my lawyers!
01:12:43Then who's this guy who saved our butts?
01:12:47Hi, guys!
01:12:48What's up?
01:12:49A girl!
01:12:50Oh!
01:12:53Well, don't that beat off!
01:13:00Spanky!
01:13:01And now it gives me great pleasure to present this beautiful trophy and the prize money to Alfalfa Switzer and
01:13:11Spanky McFarlane!
01:13:17Is that a cow lick or are you just glad to see me?
01:13:20Ah, the strong silent type, eh?
01:13:24Don't take this personal, lady, but my pal's real disappointed.
01:13:29Aw, what's the matter, Sugar Pie?
01:13:32Well, we were just kinda hoping that A.J. Ferguson was gonna give us the trophy.
01:13:38Well, boys, today's your lucky day.
01:13:44Cause that's exactly who I am.
01:13:47Wow, you're the best driver there is!
01:13:50Well, thank you very much, and you didn't do so bad yourself.
01:13:56Say, uh, let's even things up about one on this side.
01:14:03There you go!
01:14:15What a great break!
01:14:18I saw what you did to save my hanky, Alfalfa.
01:14:21That was very heartwarming and awfully romantical.
01:14:26Gee, thanks, but I thought you hated me.
01:14:29I don't hate you.
01:14:30It's just sometimes you do mean things.
01:14:33Like playing tricks on me at our picnic.
01:14:36Uh, I can't explain that.
01:14:38It was me who wrecked your picnic with Alfalfa.
01:14:41You see, I thought you were trying to steal my best friend.
01:14:45I thought you were trying to sabotage our club.
01:14:48But I think I was wrong.
01:14:51I'm sorry, you guys.
01:14:55My Alfalfinator!
01:14:57My delectable Darloonie!
01:15:17So, do you live around here?
01:15:19Yeah.
01:15:20You like dolls?
01:15:22Uh-uh, uh-uh.
01:15:24I do.
01:15:27Cool.
01:15:30Say, have we betrayed our forefathers?
01:15:34Have we trampled on the generations of honest woman-ators
01:15:39who came before us?
01:15:42Uh-uh.
01:15:44Huh?
01:15:46Hey, everybody!
01:15:48A-ha's learned a new word!
01:15:51Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command
01:16:02of syntax.
01:16:04I simply chose not to employ them.
01:16:17Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes.
01:16:21Sometimes.
01:16:31What's my mind?
01:16:34What?
01:16:35You must've been a beautiful baby.
01:16:37A-ha!
01:16:38Ya must've been a beautiful child.
01:16:42When you was only talking to go to kindergarten.
01:16:45I've been through the other kids' world.
01:16:47Keep!
01:16:48I don't know what?
01:17:00I've been through the other kids' wide.
01:17:02Okay, you don't want to?
01:17:04No.
01:17:04Do you have the hiccups?
01:17:06I've got to cut.
01:17:08I used to have this.
01:17:09Don't worry.
01:17:11I forgot the word.
01:17:17What are you doing?
01:17:21Oh!
01:17:32What a relief!
01:17:40Yuck!
01:17:48Allow me to introduce myself.
01:17:50What an idiot.
01:17:51Watch it, bud.
01:18:02You had the most...
01:18:04Don't look at the camera, sweetie.
01:18:06Honey, don't look at the camera.
01:18:07Don't look at the camera.
01:18:08Don't look at the camera.
01:18:09Don't look at the camera.
01:18:10Brittany, stop looking at the camera, please.
01:18:14Brittany!
01:18:23I winded my ear up.
01:18:32Bitch, I took the cutie by.
01:18:35You must have been a beautiful baby.
01:18:38Cause the baby, won't you look at you now.
01:18:56Now, the race course is marked off with arrows.
01:18:58And it'll start right, and it'll end.
01:19:01And it will end.
01:19:04Paper or plastic?
01:19:08And it will end.
01:19:10And it ends.
01:19:11It ends.
01:19:12That's how I knew I'd find it though.
01:19:15That is bad popcorn.
01:19:28Cut.
01:19:32Well, you'll tell me when...
01:19:33When...
01:19:34We're not going yet.
01:19:36Okay.
01:19:37Now, the race course is marked off with arrows.
01:19:39And it ends right back here where it started from.
01:19:43Got him, got him.
01:19:44Oh, they got that sucker.
01:19:46Okay.
01:19:47Okay.
01:19:48Baby.
01:19:50To go look at you now.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:57Yeah.
01:20:20It's not.
01:20:21And he wants to do it.
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