- 19 minutes ago
مسلسل Strip Law مترجم - Episode 1
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00:12So, in summary, at 1 a.m., you saw my client leave the erotic buffet, he recognized you,
00:20approached, and proceeded to tell you that you, quote, made him crazy horny, and that
00:28was when you heard the scream and saw at the end of the block that a different man was
00:34in fact throwing up into a baby carriage containing the plaintiff's baby next to two performers
00:39dressed like Elmo's and one as, quote, that one guy from Michael Clayton. I think his name was Michael
00:47Clayton. Is that an accurate recounting of events? And before you answer, please say yes or no, not-
00:52Yeah, baby! That retelling of the incident in question makes me horny, baby!
00:58Therefore, my client couldn't have been the one to...
01:05The one who threw up on the plaintiff's baby!
01:08Yeah!
01:08Don't you dare say yeah, baby!
01:10Yeah, baby!
01:13Lines are covered in the spread.
01:16Your honor, can you at least tell the jurors to stop yelling and looking at their phones?
01:24Oh, the jury will stop doing whatever he said.
01:28Juror number eight, could you put away your phone?
01:30I object! It's not a phone!
01:33Whoa! Where'd you get that?
01:35Uh, no further questions.
01:37Uh-huh. Yeah, great.
01:39Closing arguments!
01:42Uh, for the record, that also makes me horny.
01:47Baby.
01:48Ugh.
01:48Ha-ha!
01:52Ha-ha.
01:52Ha-ha-ha!
01:53Ha-ha-ha!
01:55Ha-ha-ha, come on along and turn, right now!
02:00Ha-ha-ha!
02:01Mama mama mama mama mama...
02:02There's a whole lot of music in the world,
02:05there's a red hot dog!
02:07Ha-ha-ha-ha!
02:08Ha-ha!
02:09Ha-ha-ha!
02:09Ha-ha-ha!
02:10Ha-ha!
02:11Ha-ha!
02:12Ha-ha!
02:12Ha-ha!
02:30We're not only not gonna settle, we're gonna counter sue for their kids college
02:35well they've hired nickels and gum tell them we'll settle call nickels and gum
02:49we'll win one for the little guy that's how it used to be but now my partner
03:01Marsha gum she's dead but is my practice dead hell no that's why I'm making us
03:07more efficient by firing my dead partner's son Lincoln go fire he sucks plus
03:12I've always hated it and guess what Las Vegas this commercial is how he's
03:16finding out so say goodbye to Lincoln and hello to a big cash settlement at the
03:22new-look law firm of Steve Nichols and Associates you know I wish he'd quit
03:28airing that ad it's been six months yeah but it's so funny they've heard you
03:32right after Grandma Marsha died that's brutal shut up Irene go to school no
03:37they fear my power why don't you just take him to court hit him with the old
03:41Saskatoon horse train you see you just hire the saddest woman you can find then you
03:47tell the jury she's got scurvy and was this the legendary Glenn Blurchman move
03:52that got you disbarred you know that's from when I stabbed that guy try some
03:56compassion okay well since we have no clients and I'm a failure I'll be in my
04:01office listening to Dave Matthews band and googling pictures of coffins come on
04:05Unky Link Link it can't be that bad we're out of money I've destroyed my mom's
04:11legacy we're gonna lose the firm Glenn is gonna have to go live on that weird
04:15millionaire's boat again the SS pain palace wasn't so bad decent food and a bed and
04:20all I had to do was fight other desperate men for the privilege of seeing
04:24another sunrise and without this job Irene's gonna fall into a bad crowd she
04:29has absolutely zero sense of what's good for her that's not true hey does
04:33palace have one hour or two Lincoln's Lincoln the firm's not gonna close what
04:37you've been letting a lot of clients slide how about me and Irene go round up
04:42what we're owed and you can win whatever case this wet hunk of beef brings us hi I'm
04:48I'm Barry Chandelier here's the Lincoln gum I've been here the whole time I can't pay you your mom
04:55took me on pro bono but then you know that big truck had passed away yeah I've been
05:01calling but that scary girl at the front desk kept threatening me yep she'll do
05:05that she's a surprisingly good investigator though okay well my court date is
05:09tomorrow what tomorrow okay that's like really bad but actually whatever it's
05:17not like I have anything else going on so let's start at the beginning what's the
05:21story okay so ladies ladies gay and bi dudes and everyone else sexuality is a
05:29spectrum why don't you take the party on over to the brush fire club where we've
05:34got the studliest hunks this side of the studenental divide Tom Wanks Rodrigo
05:41Vesuvius angry Christopher Barry Chandelier Mr. Ass Lord Gringlesby and
05:48lunch me are all waiting for you waiting these scared young men are willing to do
05:55anything especially on Friday nights when for only $50 these oinky pig boys will eat
06:02the customers car keys eat the customers car keys and people like that oh yeah it
06:08drives everyone crazy when me and the boys chow down on their fobs but it's
06:12making us sick and the contracts specifically allow with all this crazy
06:16legalese see we can hurt you however we want and you'll beg for more it seems
06:22needlessly mean look truth is the law isn't really on the side of the sex workers
06:28you mean like how it's illegal for us not to give some of her hair to anyone who
06:32asks yep and who is representing the club well you know him Steve Nichols
06:39Steve Nichols I figured you most hate that guy after he fired you when your
06:45mom's head passed away
06:46okay well I figure you probably got a lot of work to do
06:54so if that's all I'll see you tomorrow
06:57tell free you tell free you
07:02just so you know the firm is throwing our full weight behind your case
07:07well that's reassuring I know how classy and professional this organization is
07:11you bet your ass I've used my juice to get a lot of media coverage on this case
07:16the news is having a field day they're calling it stripper eat keys even though don't want to gate
07:21well free publicity never kill no dogs ah yes that old thing anyway I want you to know this case
07:28is
07:28personal to me if Lincoln gum is stupid enough to step into court against me while
07:32the news is watching I wipe them off the damn map oh it's almost time for dessert the
07:40other naked food lady was booked but this dog is also naked if you think about it
07:51well mom I'm a disgrace to your legacy you sure are which is why now I live in hell
08:00eating bugs but mom I turns out instead of a toilet in hell we have to use a hot little
08:08volcano
08:08it hurts okay mom I think I'm gonna go get drunk wait no don't leave me here night Dennis
08:27juror number eight all right keep up folks this ain't one of your Iowa corn looking festivals we move
08:32fast out here was this your card huh nope look closer also check your wife's phone she's cheating
08:43on you oh damn that's amazing when did you even write that now I gotta go come on darling all
08:52right
08:52there's no cops around which means it's time for my big finale ma'am remember when we first started I
08:59asked you to pick a card out of this deck you remember it right it went kind of the main
09:03thing
09:03here is you don't tell me anyway I already know it's the king king of clubs so that's the trick
09:10kind of disappointing right but here's the thing I hate Kings always have
09:25you where'd the bullet stop see that's the thing about Kings the whole deck is stacked to keep them
09:34from getting hurt damn juror number eight well maybe Rodney's better than me because he doesn't have to
09:42deal with the stress of running America's fifth biggest baby shoe company Rodney's baby shoe company
09:49is the third biggest exactly first on the list Bob Henderson actually it's Bob Henderson Toyota changed
09:58his name to match his dealership but he didn't quite think it through what you didn't investigate this
10:02guy's case nope I was at deadlift camp that week hey yeah what do your parents think you're doing all
10:08day
10:08anyway I don't know stuff I guess at school or interning for Uncle Inc or just kind of at large
10:14they don't even know that I graduated three years early hot clams I should have been learning the
10:19grift from you not teaching it no way where else would I learn cool slang like hot clams so Bob
10:24still
10:24owes us what do we do for this guy then we helped him settle a lawsuit come on down to
10:29Bob Henderson
10:30in Toyota Toyota where if you can find a better deal on a Toyota you can kill me oh glim
10:38large girl
10:39how's it going how it's going is we need the money you owe us yours was even one of the
10:44cases we won
10:45sort of talked your customer down to a maiming well the thing is that no no more violence I'll go
10:52get
10:52your money that'll do Hulk wow 30 bucks I can't wait to buy a low-quality jacket 15 years ago
11:01that
11:02trick was kind of stupid and reckless but also really amazing well that's what plays here you can
11:08keep it I know you you're juror number eight oh lawyer guy sorry I was awake for very little of
11:15that trial neat I'm Lincoln gum Sheila flambe magician and three-year all-county sex champion
11:24look I was sure I had that case wrapped up but I lost how about I buy you a drink
11:29and tell me where
11:29I went wrong well I won't say no to a free drink but I warned you I'm not a very
11:35critical person and
11:36not only is your voice annoying when you're trying to sound smart you are boring as hell the whole trial
11:41I felt like I was at a funeral for saltine crackers hey I bet a lot of people would be
11:46sad if saltine
11:47crackers died peanut butter for one you don't get it Lincoln you're not a New York lawyer or even
11:54Orlando lawyer you're a Vegas lawyer but you think you're betting in Vegas I am better than Vegas I
12:00mean look at that guy hey I have feelings you know you're even rooted than all those bus drivers I
12:08murdered let me show you what Vegas is all about you know what who cares no matter what I do
12:15mom's
12:15still gonna be on the volcano toilet okay no toilet barkeep two shots of your sweetest cheapest most neon
12:23colored liquor what is this and why was there a picture of the unabomber on the bottle you're
12:31already asking the wrong questions and now to hit the jukebox with some music that screams while not
12:37out in Las Vegas
12:42Egbert what it's a fun song from a show everyone can enjoy whatever let's drink
12:51it's such a crude attitude
12:54it's back where it belongs
12:56all our little chicks with the crimson lips go cleveland rocks cleveland rocks
13:04she's living in sin where the safety pin go cleveland rocks
13:09cleveland rocks
13:10cleveland rocks
13:12cleveland rocks
13:13cleveland rocks
13:24cleveland rocks
13:26All the little kids growing fast, kids growing Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks
13:33Hey, are those pills kicking in?
13:38Follow where she will lead!
13:42Uh, I think so.
13:45There it is!
13:46Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks
13:49I've got some records for World War II
13:52I play them just like me granddad do
13:55He was a rocker and I am too
13:58Oh, I get it!
14:03Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks
14:10Best night ever, baby
14:11Come on, I just got the perfect idea for an ad for you
14:15Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks
14:19Sheila, about this ad
14:21It kicks ass
14:25Ohio, Ohio, Ohio, Ohio
14:30Look, I'm pumped you brought me here to end the night
14:32But why are we eating breakfast at this male strip club?
14:35And not the male strip club two blocks away with the good eggs
14:37Because this is probably my last case
14:41What do you mean, Lincoln?
14:42Lincoln, my mom made me that
14:45After the tallest and best lawyer of all time
14:48I've always tried to live up to the name
14:50I guess it's the name gum I'm having more trouble living up to
14:54Gum, gum
14:55Oh my god, your mom's the um, um, nickels and gum
14:59Two things in your pocket
15:01I lost my virginity to that song
15:03I used to get made fun of for it
15:05And I wanted to be more than a jingle and a funny billboard
15:08Well, I was an assistant for every magic act in town
15:11Greggs and Roberts, Gustav and Clint
15:13Johnny Mutant, the hell genius
15:15Even lunch me
15:16When I tried to do my own act
15:17Those mystical dickhead magicians blackballed me from their boys club
15:20Now I'm out in the streets scrapping and zapping
15:23Scrapping and zapping is a thing we say
15:25Wait, that's stupid
15:27I saw your act
15:28You were incredible
15:29You had them eating out of the palm of your
15:32Your, uh
15:33What, ass?
15:34Were you gonna say I had them eating out of the palm of my ass?
15:36Why would you say that?
15:38I've got my mom's lawyer smart
15:41You've got her razzle-matazzle
15:43Together, we could come together
15:46Expunge my lunatic charge
15:46To be my mom
15:47Wait a minute
15:48How is yours grosser than mine?
15:50Join my firm as my, I don't know, creative director
15:53Let's team up
15:54Finally, dude
15:55Yes, obviously
15:57I need a job that pays more than $30 a day
15:59Also, you seem okay or whatever
16:02Partners?
16:03Partners
16:04Ah!
16:06The old exploding handshake
16:08I've been waiting all night to do that
16:10Very amusing
16:11Now, let's get down
16:14So, what's this big case?
16:15One sec, let me get the team here
16:17We have a team?
16:18Are any of them broad-shouldered young Danishmen?
16:21Fresh off the tree farm
16:23Naive to our American ways
16:24Perhaps in need of a firm older hands
16:27No
16:27What?
16:28No
16:28Go for Glem
16:31Irene, Glem, meet Sheila Flambe
16:33She's a magician I got drunk with
16:36And now she's gonna join our law firm
16:37Yeah, that makes sense
16:38Sure
16:38And here's what we're dealing with
16:41They're car keys
16:42Do people like that?
16:44Yeah, baby
16:44Oh, hey, Sheila
16:46Hey, lunch meat
16:47Okay, so here's my plan
16:48When the courthouse opens
16:50I'm gonna march right up to the judge
16:52And ask for more time to prepare a case
16:55Lincoln, it's almost like you learned nothing
16:58From getting blackout drunk
16:59You can dress it like a giant baby
17:00These jurors
17:01They walk by two burning pirate ships
17:03Ten dancing fountains
17:04And a dead clown on their morning commutes
17:06They're not gonna be oppressed
17:08By some hundred-year-old laws
17:09In a moldy old book
17:10Wait, spectacle?
17:12Hundred-year-old laws?
17:13I think I know how we're gonna win
17:15How?
17:16I'm going shopping
17:24Mr. Gum, we've been waiting for you
17:30And I would be really mad
17:32If you didn't look so awesome
17:35Hi, Your Honor, thank you
17:37Hello, Lincoln
17:38Where have you been?
17:39Your dead mom's grave?
17:41Cause she's dead
17:42Uh, eat piss, buttwad
17:44Yeah, eat piss
17:46Piss?
17:47Buttwad?
17:48I'm bored!
17:49Opening arguments
17:50Who wants to go first?
17:51How about you?
17:52Happy to
17:53Ladies and gentlemen
17:54And maybe a few not-so-ladies and gentlemen
17:57Of the jury
17:58My opponent is going to try to cloud your brains
18:01With a bunch of boring old laws
18:03And woke mind documents
18:05But
18:06He can't change one thing
18:08You know me
18:09From the TV
18:12And you know that after 30 years
18:14I would never steer you wrong
18:16We're the good guys
18:17They're the bad guys
18:18End of story
18:19Get used to it
18:20Yeah!
18:22Born Loser
18:27My fellow Vegazians
18:29Vegassians?
18:31Vegazians
18:32We have a saying where I'm from
18:34The law is a lot like the Unabomber
18:37Misunderstood
18:38Probably a little too harsh in its methods
18:40But at the end of the day
18:42It makes a damn fine neon purple ultragen
18:45Oh I like this guy too
18:48How many keys were you forced to eat last Friday?
18:52A stripper's dozen
18:53And how many is that?
18:5534
18:56It is 34 keys
18:58Thank you
18:59You brave man
19:00And can you read from section 3 line 42 of your contract?
19:05You've got to eat the keys my guy
19:08You've simply got to do it
19:10But this is
19:11No further questions
19:12Stop dodging the question doctor
19:14Should people eat car keys?
19:17No
19:17No dammit
19:18They should not
19:19And do you specialize in nutrition?
19:22In problems of the stomach?
19:24No
19:24I'm just a simple brain surgeon
19:28Yes sir
19:29Kids in my school keep getting sick
19:30We don't know any better
19:32We're all eating keys
19:33Trying to be sophisticated
19:34Like the fancy dancing men
19:35One girl died
19:37She was blonde and everything
19:39Order in the court order
19:41Well this certainly has been a legal battle for the ages
19:45Let's see those closing arguments
19:47But first how about a round of applause for these boys huh?
19:51Do you have it?
19:52Yep
19:52Here's the gun you had me smuggle into the courtroom
19:55And the book's almost ready
19:56Just remember to cue me
19:58Also I'm going to tell you now so you can't yell at me
20:01Me and Irene collected all the money we're owed
20:04But then we spent it on these cool gold watches
20:07Let's go
20:08I gotta see how this ends
20:09Lincoln
20:10You've got him eating out of the palm of your ass
20:12Go kill the king
20:13Yeah Lincoln
20:15Go
20:15Kill the king
20:17Steve
20:18I don't know what your problem is with me or my mom
20:20But I do know this
20:22Shut up
20:28Cowboys and cowgirls of the jury
20:30I want to tell y'all a tale of our little city here
20:33Picture a bunch of vaqueros sat around a campfire under a starry sky
20:38What do you think, compadres?
20:41This parcel of land looks suitable like for a town
20:45I reckon it do, peppy
20:47A wonderful town
20:48Where a feller can get all the sins out of his body
20:52So's that God won't kill him with lightning
20:57I'm dying, hoss
21:00Take my six-shooter
21:03And remember why we founded this town
21:08Remember the spirit of laws
21:18The spirit of Las Vegas
21:21A place where any old gunslinging buckaroo with a few coins
21:25Can do any old thing
21:27Well, anything, except
21:35Ma'am, would you mind reading the unbreakable bulletproof law
21:39That stopped my incredible shot
21:40Furthermore, under protection of strip law
21:43No man may ever be compelled to perform any act
21:46That brings pleasure to a woman in any way
21:48Ladies and gentlemen
21:50I rest my rootin' tootin' kick
21:53Hot land!
21:55Holy crap, that kicked ass
21:58We don't even need to hear from the other guy
22:01Cowboy wins!
22:02What?
22:03The jury agrees?
22:04No!
22:05I hereby award the plaintiff
22:08One million dollars
22:11Now release the confetti we saved for special occasions
22:16And that was the scene earlier
22:18At the dramatic conclusion
22:19Of the stripper eat keys
22:20Even though don't want to gate trial
22:22Strip clubs all over the city
22:23Are checking their contracts
22:25For similar abusive language
22:26Vetering working conditions
22:27For all our city's heroic dancers
22:29Some bystanders complained about the trial
22:31Asking questions like
22:33When was the jury chosen
22:34If the lawyers didn't even know about the case
22:36Until the day before?
22:37Why didn't Lincoln have to enter anything into evidence?
22:39And wasn't this all a bit much?
22:41You can't fire a gun in a courtroom
22:42But they were quickly labeled uptight nerds
22:45And told to sit their candy asses down
22:46In other news
22:47There's a new commercial!
22:49For too long
22:50Vegas has been a graveyard
22:52Where truth goes to die
22:55But now
22:56Ever since he beat the evil Steve Nichols
22:58To save our innocent dancers from key poisoning
23:01Lincoln Gum has been helping the poor
23:03And desperate of Las Vegas
23:11I'm Lincoln Gum
23:13And I will fight for you
23:15My son is a good lawyer
23:18So I can go to heaven now
23:20He has a justice
23:22We'll chew you up
23:23Call Lincoln Gum
23:24And he'll go out the works
23:26He has a justice
23:45I've been here
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