- 19 hours ago
مسلسل Last Man Standing مترجم - Episode 1
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00:06Oh, well, now it's a disco ball.
00:08You're welcome.
00:10Oh, look.
00:11Boy drew a rocket.
00:13Or a wiener.
00:14You know what?
00:14Let's go with rocket.
00:17Oh, your dad's home.
00:19Oh, finally.
00:20I've been cooped up with you hens long enough.
00:22Oh, hey, honey.
00:23It's not cute when your dad says it, and it's just confusing when you do it.
00:28Well, what's his catalog name?
00:29I'll shoot this time.
00:30Peru, Portugal, something with a P.
00:32Yeah, Alaska.
00:34With a P.
00:37You said he was bringing dinner home.
00:38Oh, good.
00:39We're starving.
00:41I'm back!
00:46Dinner!
00:49What am I supposed to do with this?
00:51You slice it.
00:52Mouth the anus.
00:53You pull everything out.
00:54Pretty self-explanatory.
00:59I got to grab a shower.
01:01Mmm.
01:01Yeah.
01:01It is great to be back home.
01:11Wow.
01:12You had to work kind of early.
01:14By the sun's position, I'd have a...
01:15I'm gonna just look at the clock.
01:20Oh, the boss wants to see me.
01:22I'm worried.
01:23Even though I've been there almost a year, I'm still the new chick.
01:26That's good.
01:27New chick's always hot.
01:29Look, I could use some help.
01:31How long are you home for this time?
01:32Oh, probably seven days.
01:34And then we're off to Costa Rica shooting our spring catalog.
01:37What do you need?
01:37Can you drive Eve to soccer?
01:39Soccer?
01:40That's just Europe's covert war for the hearts and minds of America's kids.
01:45We're scrimmaging the boys to make us tougher.
01:47Well, the boys aren't that tough.
01:48I've seen them play.
01:49Run around, get hair gel in our eyes, run to the goalposts,
01:52and cry.
01:55Why are you watching the young boys play soccer?
01:59I'm pretty sure I just explained why.
02:02Morning.
02:03Morning.
02:03Hey, Mom?
02:04Can you take Boyd to daycare?
02:06I can't be late to the diner.
02:08It's our salute to bacon week,
02:10and I am the only person who knows how to work the distributor later.
02:13I'm running late. Ask your dad.
02:14Oh, not dad.
02:15Boyd only knows like six words, and half of them are,
02:18I blame Obamacare.
02:21He's a bad influence.
02:23You know, he's standing right here.
02:25He does his best.
02:26Literally, I'm standing right here.
02:29You know who should take Boyd to daycare?
02:31Oh.
02:32He's a deadbeat no good father of his.
02:34Yeah.
02:34Dad, we've been over this.
02:35Really?
02:36I'm doing fine.
02:37I know this might be hard for you to believe because you're so old school,
02:39but I do not need a man.
02:41Well, he's got a baby.
02:42He says you needed a man once.
02:46Ew.
02:48All right.
02:49I will take Boyd to daycare, but I just hope my being late does not cause the great bacon riot
02:54of 2011.
02:56I like bacon.
02:59You need to lay off, Kristen. She won't admit it, but she's having a tough time.
03:03People have been having a tough time since the beginning of time.
03:06You know what's the matter with the world these days?
03:08Sure, let's discuss that.
03:13Love you.
03:13Have a good day at work. I love you.
03:15Bye.
03:22Now what's wrong?
03:23Dad, no. It's gonna be boring.
03:25I just, I really needed Mom's advice.
03:28Well, I'm here. You can have Dad's advice.
03:31No, I need good advice.
03:33I gave your older sister plenty of advice when she was a teenager. What's up?
03:36Oh, yeah. Is that when she got the tattoo or when she came home from her prom pregnant?
03:40She has a tattoo?
03:43I think it's called a tramp stamp.
03:44Yeah, thank God.
03:46She doesn't have a tattoo. She has a tramp stamp.
03:50What's the matter? Who said...
03:51No, you're just gonna say it's stupid.
03:53Come on, give me a break. I'm your dad. What's up? What's going on?
03:59Travis said that Glee is dumb.
04:02For crap's sake. Is that what's worrying? Is that why you're crying?
04:11What's Glee?
04:14Hey, guys. Great to be back in the sanctuary.
04:18No hair dryers, no tears, no citrus body wash. Smells like balls in here.
04:28Who are you?
04:31I'm Kyle. You hired me a couple months ago.
04:34I parked in your spot and you broke my windshield.
04:36It's Kyle. How's it going, buddy?
04:38Hi.
04:39Kyle, I like the name, Kyle. It's a man's name, guys. Kyle.
04:43Kay, Kyle. I'm here to kick some crap Kyle.
04:46Actually, Kyle's my mother's maiden name.
04:48Didn't need to know that, Kyle.
04:52Welcome home, Mikey.
04:55Hey, buddy.
04:57How are you?
04:58Did you bring me back something from Alaska?
05:00What are you, three?
05:07Oh, good.
05:09Didn't have one of these guys.
05:11All right, look. I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
05:15I just got a call from corporate today.
05:18They want to shut down the catalog.
05:20Corporate? You own the company.
05:23I thought it was worth a shot. What the hell?
05:26What are you talking about?
05:27Our catalog was voted best catalog by Catalog Magazine.
05:31Catalog is done.
05:32What, you gonna phase it out?
05:33Consider it phased.
05:35After Costa Rica, we're done?
05:36No Costa, no Rica, you're grounded.
05:38But I need your expertise on the website.
05:42The website's terrible.
05:43No, that's why I want you in charge of it.
05:45For us to have any future at all,
05:46we have to lure young men to our stuff.
05:49Now you sound like my sister's talking.
05:53Young people don't read catalogs anymore.
05:56They're online.
05:57So your job now is you gotta go get them.
05:59I need this company to be viable a hundred years from now,
06:02so I'll have a place to come back to when they unfreeze my head.
06:07Why don't we just hire a young internet geek to improve the website?
06:10Well, I could do that, then what would you do?
06:12I can't believe you're grounding me.
06:14I'll make a deal.
06:15You find a way to increase our web sales,
06:17I'll find a way of putting you back on the road.
06:20Is that a deal?
06:22It's a deal.
06:22Now, scram.
06:25What, you got time to go to the range today?
06:26No, some jack-wang is parked in my spot.
06:36Guess what?
06:38I was offered a huge promotion at work.
06:41Congratulations.
06:42Yeah.
06:42If I take it, it would be longer hours,
06:45and that would mean you'd have to step up around here with the girls.
06:48That's great.
06:50But how can I work longer hours if you're always gone?
06:54Maybe I won't go so much.
06:56Oh, that's sweet.
06:57Yeah.
06:58What happened?
06:59Nothing.
07:00You know, just maybe I want to spend more time with the girls.
07:03What happened?
07:06Ed's grounding me until I can increase our company's web presence.
07:10We used to talk to Mandy about her vlog.
07:13Vlog?
07:14Yeah.
07:14Is that slang for something bad?
07:17What?
07:18I don't know.
07:19I have a...
07:20When I move, sometimes my vlog...
07:22It's...
07:24It's...
07:25Sorry, I'm late for dinner!
07:27Travis and I got a flat tire, and it took forever for AAA to get there.
07:31Please!
07:31Don't tell me you called a strange person to change your tire.
07:35Then why did you give me an auto club card?
07:39That's for a real emergency, like a meteor hitting the car or something.
07:44Where's Travis?
07:45Uh, he went to the tanning salon.
07:46Oh!
07:47Oh!
07:48Oh!
07:49Oh!
07:51That actually hurts to hear that.
07:54Honey, I don't think you're ever going to be able to rely on this guy Travis.
07:58And I'm also going to ground you until you can figure out how to change a tire.
08:01That's so unfair!
08:02Who ever said life was supposed to be fair?
08:05I'm just doing this so you don't have to depend on a man!
08:08Um, I thought your argument with me was that I needed a man.
08:10Um, just concern yourself with this area over here.
08:20How's work?
08:22They're adding all you can eat sausage to the mix tomorrow.
08:25Well, it's going to be mayhem.
08:28I love sausage.
08:32Your dad can drive Boyd to daycare.
08:34There's no car seat in the truck.
08:36There's no car seat in the truck.
08:36There's no car seat in the truck.
08:36Well, I will take the truck.
08:37You can take the minivan.
08:39Heh heh heh.
08:41You'll take the truck.
08:43I'll drive the minivan.
08:44You're not kidding right now, are you?
08:50Well, aloha!
08:52Sure.
08:53All right.
08:53All right, champ.
08:55You have a great day at daycare, all right?
08:56Oh, we don't, we don't use terms like that here.
08:59See, champ implies victory over another person.
09:02Right.
09:03And you're all winners here.
09:04Yeah, you're getting it.
09:05Hey, come on in.
09:06Ruby's two dads are here and they're making muffins.
09:09Flax and pumpkin.
09:10Please tell me that's not their names.
09:13That's a good one.
09:14Take the shoes off.
09:16We're building a mosque out of pillows.
09:18Give me the kid back.
09:22Everything you need to know about life you can learn from hanging with cramp.
09:25You just stick with me, all right?
09:26Kyle, take the baby, will ya?
09:28Yeah.
09:29There you go.
09:30Whew!
09:30You'll need this.
09:32Drop the bomb.
09:42So, as you know, I normally broadcast from Mandy Lamb.
09:45But tonight, I'm transmitting from Sal Bloxy of Dadica Prison.
09:48Dadica?
09:50Dad.
09:51Oh, Dad.
09:53Travis, when'd you go?
09:55God, can't you see I'm sad?
09:58Ah, ah, ah, ah.
10:01Five thousand followers.
10:02People got a lot of time on their hands.
10:04Hey, Kyle.
10:05Didn't I ask you to take care of the kid?
10:07Yeah, Ed's pulling him around the parking lot.
10:09He's what?
10:09In a kayak.
10:11Oh.
10:15Kyle.
10:17Do you know how to change a tire?
10:18Sure.
10:19You need me to change your tire?
10:20Do I look like the kind of guy that can't change his own tire?
10:22Why are you yelling at me?
10:23I don't know what we're talking about.
10:26Why don't you come over to my house?
10:27I want you to meet my daughter Mandy.
10:29If you like her, maybe take her out on a date.
10:31If you don't like her, take her out on a date.
10:35There's no funny business.
10:36You mean like sex?
10:37Oh.
10:40You know, it troubles me, Kyle, that you're so handy with that word.
10:44Let's try to remember something.
10:47I can fire you.
10:52Or worse.
10:55Huh?
11:02Dad?
11:03Where's Boyd?
11:05Uh, he's napping.
11:06He got into the energy bars at work and ran around until he passed out.
11:12So, instead of taking him to daycare, you took him to the blow dart and shotgun emporium?
11:17He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay?
11:20And I can't say the same had I left him at hippy hippy rainbow.
11:25Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance.
11:27I just don't think your kids should go to that school.
11:29You know how that ends up.
11:30Hmm.
11:31Boyd, dancing on a float.
11:36And what would be so wrong with that?
11:38The only time men should be dancing is when other men are shooting at their feet.
11:44Are you gonna meddle up until the day you die?
11:46And beyond.
11:48I have a very specific will.
11:55Mooney keeps telling me soccer's making my legs thick.
11:58Listen, Eve.
12:00Boys like a gal with a sturdy foundation.
12:03That's what attracted me to your mom in the first place.
12:08Don't ever tell her I said that.
12:11I've never played against the boys before.
12:14Are there any cute ones?
12:15No.
12:16Who said anything about Victor Blake?
12:21Let me give you some advice.
12:23You wanna impress the boys?
12:25You play hard.
12:26Take the game to them.
12:27Prove that you belong on that field.
12:30Trust me.
12:33Well, we have to move!
12:37What happened?
12:38Dad!
12:39He told me that boys would like me more if I played aggressive.
12:41I sprained Victor Blake's ankle.
12:43Now they call me Queen Kong.
12:46I'm going to pack!
12:53I can explain.
12:56We might have to move.
12:59Why are you giving girl advice?
13:01Why don't you just stick to what you know?
13:02Chasing raccoons out of the yard.
13:06They're a herding animal if you don't nip that in the bud.
13:09Oh, right.
13:12I just hate to disappoint her.
13:15Kristen never listens to me anymore and Mandy's got her new family, the Kardashians.
13:21Queen Kong's my little buddy.
13:24Just go up and talk to her.
13:26She's not talking to me.
13:28None of my girls are talking to me.
13:29Usually I think that's a great idea.
13:32Right now, it just hurts.
13:36Mike.
13:37Your girls are talking to you.
13:39You just need to listen to them.
13:43Huh?
13:48Hi, Mike Baxter here.
13:49Asking the question that men have been asking since medieval times.
13:53Gosh darn it.
13:54Where can I get a crossbow online?
13:59This is the Lewis Caliber Super Saber series.
14:02Composite handle.
14:03So when you're hunting, when you're hunting.
14:06God.
14:07Who am I kidding?
14:09If you're watching this, you don't hunt.
14:12You're probably hunting for a tissue right about now, aren't you?
14:16Because some girl at a soccer game where nobody can lose sprained your ankle.
14:21There's a guy named Jack Youngblood playing the Super Bowl with a broken leg.
14:26That's not fantasy.
14:28What the heck is fantasy football?
14:30I got a fantasy.
14:31Why don't you get off the fricking couch, you morons?
14:35What happened to men?
14:36Men used to build cities just so we could burn them down.
14:39I got her hair cut by a guy named Hank.
14:43But modern man, what do you do?
14:45You run from stuff.
14:46Responsibility.
14:47Fatherhood.
14:48You can't even change attire.
14:51Attire!
14:51What if you get off the couch, you moron, and go outside?
14:56You'll see something bright.
14:57It's called the sun.
14:59It's like a tanning bed, but it's free.
15:03How is Mike pretending to be angry, scary, and unstable good for our website?
15:10We've gotten tons of hits.
15:12Hits are good.
15:13I know hits are good, you jack-wang. I'm not a thousand years old.
15:18It's gone viral. Our web traffic is way up.
15:21Well, looks like this company has finally entered the 20th century, huh?
15:27But it's the 21st century, sir.
15:30One step at a time, Kyle.
15:36Hey, Eve, would you give me the ketchup?
15:37Not talking to you.
15:39Kristen, does Boyd want a hot dog, or do you have some soy thing on a stick in your purse?
15:46Okay, I get it. Nobody's talking to me.
15:48I'm talking to you, Dad.
15:49That makes me nervous.
15:52Yeah, will you go pick up Travis, please?
15:53You could pick him up.
15:54Really?
15:55Yeah, if you just figured out how to change a tire.
15:58So sad.
16:00I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
16:04I don't know who that is, but he sounds like a very caring father.
16:10Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter.
16:14Okay.
16:16And who are you?
16:17I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet?
16:19Oh, God. Did he tell you that I needed a man?
16:22Pretty much.
16:25Great. Well, did he also tell you that I need help because I'm a single mom?
16:30Um...
16:30I'm guessing not, by that dumbfounded look on your face.
16:33Oh, no. This is just my face.
16:36Okay, why are you hanging out with my dad? That's just weird.
16:39I work for him.
16:40Oh, God.
16:41Is he paying you to date me? Am I that pathetic?
16:44Want to go to a movie?
16:46Um, a movie?
16:48Well, I have not been to a movie since my water broke during Avatar.
16:53Hello, Boyd.
16:56Boyd, right. That little dude's awesome.
16:58He really loves your dad.
16:59Yeah, well, Boyd loves everybody.
17:01No, he fell and tripped and your dad came over and hugged him and said,
17:05Hey, it's okay to cry. Just let it out.
17:08Wait, Mr. Outdoor Man said that?
17:10Later on, when a heat lamp fell on my foot, was it okay for me to cry?
17:13No, it was not.
17:18Okay, um, I'm gonna go check on Boyd and, um, and you go say hi to my dad and then,
17:25um, we'll go.
17:26Okay.
17:33Hey, Mr. B.
17:34Hey, Kyle.
17:34Thanks for having me over.
17:36You bet, buddy.
17:36Mandy is awesome.
17:38Well, that's great.
17:40Yeah, that is great. Who are you?
17:42I'm Kyle.
17:44I'm sort of Mike's right-hand man.
17:45No, you're not, Kyle.
17:48Hey, Dad.
17:49Thank you for telling Kyle about me.
17:54It's okay, daughter.
17:57Wait, wait, wait.
17:58Didn't you just say you're here to see man?
17:59Man, man.
18:01Man am I hungry.
18:03That's what, man.
18:05Okay.
18:06Well, um, we're gonna go see a movie if you could watch Boyd.
18:09Yeah, sure, sure.
18:10Actually, I was asking Dad.
18:13Actually, she was asking me.
18:16Okay.
18:17Thank you, Dad.
18:19Okay.
18:24Come on, Kyle.
18:27What the hell did you do?
18:31I-I don't know.
18:33Oh, Mr. B., I almost forgot to tell you.
18:35Ed said he's proud of you and that you're back on for Costa Rica.
18:38Great.
18:39Great.
18:40Great.
18:40That good.
18:41Let me give you a little hint about Mandy.
18:43She likes to be called Kristen.
18:47It's a nickname.
18:49Thanks, Mr. B.
18:49You bet.
18:52You know that's not gonna end well.
18:55Yes, I do.
18:57Well, I hope you're happy.
18:59Well, it was for a couple seconds.
19:03What's happening?
19:03I changed a tire.
19:04What?
19:05I broke three nails and I ruined the sweater.
19:06Oh, and you know that, the, the, this pumpy, pumpy thing?
19:10Jack.
19:11Yeah, Jack, you need a new one.
19:14Uh, I'm proud of you, Mandy.
19:16Thanks, Dad.
19:17Keys?
19:17Yeah, sure.
19:19I'm gonna go get Travis.
19:20We still have time to get our meanie-piddies.
19:26Travis.
19:28If no one's coming to dinner and you're watching, boy, then I'm gonna have three glasses of wine, take a
19:32bath and go to bed.
19:35Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
19:36Dad, dad, dad.
19:37What, what, what?
19:38Victor Blake.
19:39Uh, uh, uh, sprained ankle Victor Blake?
19:41Yeah, he called me and he liked the way I played.
19:44I told you I was gonna work out.
19:45He asked me out, dad.
19:47My first real date.
19:48I'll be aggressive just like you taught me.
19:51No, no, no, no.
19:52Aggressive is bad.
19:56Nice going, coach.
19:57I did not see that coming.
20:01boy bet you're happy to be hitting the road again huh i'm not going anywhere what if victor blake
20:07can't change a tire what are you saying i'm saying with your new promotion you're gonna need a lot of
20:16help around here and that's you then i will definitely need three glasses of wine what's a
20:24man's number one responsibility um terrorizing his daughter's boyfriends you get me this is why i
20:34married you i thought it was for my sturdy foundation snitch
20:49the manly arts are vanishing that's a fact what do we do when the aliens invade or the
20:54zombies come out of their graves and the machines rise up who's gonna lead us you i have all this
21:02knowledge it's my duty to pass it on for the future of mankind a very important lesson tonight this one
21:12here right here put them up here how do we get this little piggy all the way over to market
21:19this little piggy all the way over to market
21:24mandy
21:24mandy
21:25mandy
21:27you
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