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مسلسل Last Man Standing مترجم - Episode 7
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00:02Morning.
00:02Morning.
00:03Did you get the paper?
00:04No.
00:11Vanessa, again?
00:13How do you know they're mine?
00:15Because your keychain says,
00:16Geologists rock and don't take me for granite.
00:20Hey, good morning.
00:21Hey, did you hear there was a break-in
00:23in the neighborhood last night?
00:24A break-in?
00:25One of the other neighbors was rude enough
00:26not to leave their keys in the front door?
00:30It was the Bergens' house.
00:31The Bergens?
00:32No, that's not right.
00:34Oh, I know. They're such nice people.
00:35No, I mean, we've got better stuff.
00:39You ever looked in their house?
00:40The TV's from the 70s.
00:41Just look in their window sometime.
00:43Just pretend like you're jogging.
00:48You know, I think we need some sort of security system.
00:51We have a great security system at this house.
00:53I've got a cabinet full of rifles in my den
00:55and these two big guns right here.
00:58As impressed as I am with all your various guns,
01:01I still think they need to organize a neighborhood watch.
01:04That's a waste of time.
01:05It's like your book club.
01:07It started off as a good idea,
01:08but it just turned into an hour of women complaining
01:10about their husbands.
01:13And how do you know that?
01:15Because nobody brings any books.
01:18Well, we may do a little catching up.
01:20Oh, speaking of book club,
01:22all right, you guys cannot repeat this.
01:24Promise.
01:26Who am I going to tell?
01:28You're the only one in the neighborhood I talked to.
01:31Mom, the gossip?
01:33Okay.
01:33You know my friend Angie?
01:35Yeah, uh-huh.
01:35I saw her hugging a guy in a car who was not her husband.
01:40Oh, mon dieu.
01:44I'm gonna go to work.
01:45And he sure looked like he was enjoying her new boob job.
01:53You know, it's rude to walk out in the middle of a story.
02:06Hey, Mikey.
02:07How's it going?
02:07You're boning up for the sales meeting next week, huh?
02:09No, actually, I'm looking at home security systems.
02:12There was a break-in in my neighborhood this week.
02:14What kind of system do you have?
02:16Well, right now, I've just got a big NRA sticker in my front window.
02:20Well, that's a solid start, but you can never be too prepared.
02:23You know, I have boat radar on my roof.
02:26Boat radar?
02:29Are you concerned at all about radiation?
02:31No, it hasn't affected me a bit.
02:34I had a full head of hair a year ago.
02:36How about that?
02:39I don't know.
02:40That E-series, that's an idea, but I don't want to go that far.
02:43Really?
02:44All right.
02:45Let me paint you a little picture.
02:46All right.
02:47Your family's at home, playing Parcheesi.
02:50And suddenly, masked intruders burst in, shouting orders in a language they don't recognize.
02:56God almighty, Ed.
02:57All right, I'm sorry.
02:58Okay, I got carried away there.
02:59All right.
03:00Anyway, they grabbed the little one.
03:02Ed.
03:04Okay.
03:05All right, I take this too seriously.
03:06Look, if you're not comfortable leaving the family, I can handle the meeting alone.
03:10Oh, really?
03:10Yeah.
03:11Frank Lippie?
03:12You know, every time that guy comes to town, he gets a better of you, and he takes you right
03:15out to the woodshed.
03:16Well, what am I going to do?
03:17That's his favorite bar.
03:20Don't worry, I can handle myself.
03:22You can negotiate better than anybody I know, except with Lippie.
03:25That guy seems to have some weird hold on you.
03:27That's ridiculous.
03:29Really?
03:29Do you remember last year?
03:37So, what do I have to do to get you to walk away from this table with a thousand slightly
03:41irregular tents?
03:42Whoa, whoa, slightly irregular.
03:44You put the zippers in the wrong spot.
03:46You'd have to tunnel your way in.
03:47I'll take 2,000.
03:51And one more for my friend.
03:54Fine.
03:55One wrong decision.
03:57One?
03:57Hunting hats with antlers.
04:03I'll take 600.
04:05Ed, a lot of good people are going to get shot.
04:10Yeah, Mike has a very good point.
04:11Yeah.
04:11No deal, Frank.
04:12No deal.
04:15Okay, I'll take the 600.
04:17I just can't stay mad at the guy.
04:23All right, two times.
04:25What's the big deal?
04:26The big deal, we got three lawsuits pending, and a lot of people got shot in this store.
04:35All right, everybody listen up.
04:37This is the major alarm.
04:38This is very important.
04:39Mandy, for just a second, can you focus on this?
04:43This little button here is an empty house.
04:46You press that if you're leaving.
04:47Full house, you press if you want to meet John Stamos.
04:54Alarms, infrared sensors, laser beams.
04:57Isn't this still America?
04:59If I get your question, the answer is yes.
05:01This will make it more difficult for you to sneak in after curfew.
05:06So, in the event of an emergency, we have a second in command.
05:09And if so, could that person be me?
05:12Sweetie, that'll be your mom, right?
05:13And if she's neutralized?
05:20Does anybody have a problem with Eve being second in command?
05:23Yes.
05:23Okay, all right.
05:25Your second in command.
05:27Front door is open.
05:31The front door is secure.
05:35Why did our front door get such a sexy voice?
05:37Listen, I've added my pipes to the voice system to calm you guys in case there's a crisis.
05:43I think this right here is a crisis.
05:45A time when our personal liberties are being compromised.
05:48What's with her?
05:49Well, I think Paul Revere here is where the alarm system might cut into her midnight ride.
05:56Well, I like the new security system.
05:58You haven't seen the best part of this yet.
05:59Everybody, come down to the basement.
06:00I've got something to show you.
06:01Come on.
06:01Just take a minute.
06:02Come on.
06:03All right.
06:05Let me introduce you all to the panic room.
06:08I thought you told us this was the bomb shelter, which became our storage room.
06:12And briefly, Mandy's make-out room.
06:14You have a baby.
06:15And briefly, my make-out room.
06:18All right.
06:19Used to be the bomb shelter.
06:20Now, it's the panic room.
06:21Now, ideally, this should be up near the master bedroom, but that space is now occupied by a walk-in
06:26closet.
06:26Oh, I cannot believe you are still mad about that.
06:29I'm not mad about it.
06:30I just wonder why a couple in Denver needs a whole wall of flip-flops.
06:34Eve, show us how it works.
06:36All right. Listen up.
06:40If we hear the external alarm, we make our way here.
06:44We lock the door and call the police.
06:46Response time?
06:4792 minutes.
06:50Excellent.
06:51It's actually 11 minutes.
06:52Wait.
06:52So when are we gonna vote on the alarm?
06:54We don't vote on the alarm.
06:55Because my vote is still no.
06:56Mandy, it's only gonna be on when we're asleep.
06:59When you're asleep.
07:02Hey, what's this?
07:03Oh, my God.
07:04That is the time capsule I made when I was eight, Dad.
07:06I thought you said you were gonna bury this for me.
07:08I'll bury it when I bury your grandma.
07:10I'll do that then.
07:16There's nothing in there but scrunchies and something called a letter to my future self.
07:21Dear me, if you're reading this, I'm guessing you're now a pony doctor or an underpaid waitress.
07:29Wait, it says that?
07:31Oh, ha, ha.
07:32Okay, all right, all right.
07:33I'm just looking for your undivided attention for two minutes.
07:36Please, girls.
07:37Oh, hey, look, a box.
07:38Oh, photos.
07:41Dad, is this you with a BB gun?
07:43Let me see.
07:44It's me or my brother.
07:45No, it's me, Studley.
07:46Look at that.
07:47Four years old, buck naked with a rifle.
07:49Those are the days boys could be boys.
07:52Okay, Dad, are we done here?
07:53I suppose so.
07:54But you know where the alarm is?
07:55You know how to get the alarm and shut the door?
07:57Yes, yes, yes.
07:57Did you read that?
07:57Remember this?
07:59You know, we should convert this into a fitness center.
08:02Come on.
08:03It's a piece of history.
08:04That's why we bought the house.
08:05It had a bomb shelter in it.
08:06Remember those days in the 50s?
08:08The Ruskies.
08:09The Cold War.
08:10Remember in school, they had you ducking cover.
08:12Like a desk is gonna help.
08:15Just get under your desk.
08:17Nuclear war can't get through a desk.
08:19Look out!
08:21We were terrified 24-7.
08:24What a great time to be alive.
08:27This is why you don't want a neighborhood watch.
08:30What does that mean?
08:32Because you literally have a bunker mentality.
08:34It's circle the wagons.
08:35Us versus them.
08:36Listen, in time of crisis, we can only depend on us.
08:39Honey, sometimes I think the only reason you wanted a family
08:42was so you wouldn't have to talk to anybody else.
08:45Worked out pretty well, didn't it?
08:48Why can't we do what the Stapletons did in their neighborhood?
08:50Trim our bushes to look like animals?
08:53No.
08:53No, no, no.
08:54We organize a community crime watch and have the neighbors over to discuss it.
08:59In our house?
09:00Yeah.
09:00Great idea.
09:01Mrs. Wong correcting our grammar.
09:04That chubby guy Christopher eating everything we got in the house.
09:07Oh.
09:07What is the guy with the captain's hat?
09:09The skipper?
09:10What is...
09:11What is that?
09:12Why do you wear a captain's hat?
09:14I think he's bald.
09:17I did it just before an hour.
09:19An hour?
09:19That's how it starts, an hour.
09:21You got strangers in your house going through your bedroom in your closets,
09:24rummaging through your medicine cabinet.
09:25And how do you know that?
09:26Because that's what I would do.
09:31So that's it?
09:32It's not even a discussion?
09:33No discussion.
09:34I'm serious.
09:36Case closed.
09:38I want to welcome you all to my own.
09:48Okay.
09:49I think we're ready to get started.
09:51You know, we're 2,000 miles away from the ocean.
09:59Mike.
10:04Well, first I would like to thank everyone who showed up tonight on a school night.
10:09Oh, my God.
10:10What?
10:11Never mind.
10:13I didn't go to school today.
10:17Mike, would you like to say a few words?
10:19I did.
10:20I said, let's do this quick.
10:22Quickly.
10:26What?
10:26It should be, let's get this over quickly.
10:28Mike Lee.
10:33All right.
10:34Does everyone have pie?
10:35Coffee?
10:36Please, just make yourselves at home.
10:38Except in the rooms that I'm painting.
10:41Which is the kitchen, this whole area here, my office, the entire upstairs,
10:45and all of the bathrooms except the one that's marked you can use.
10:51This time, I would like to introduce our new neighborhood security coordinator, Marvin Slater.
11:03Actually, I prefer to be called Officer Slater.
11:08But you're not a real cop.
11:12I'm basically a cop.
11:15Your badge has a peach on it.
11:19That's what that is.
11:22Guys, can you stop acting badly?
11:24Bad.
11:27Pardon?
11:29It's acting bad, not badly.
11:33Can you believe this woman?
11:36Now, you people can help yourselves by keeping your windows closed and your doors, um...
11:43Your doors, uh...
11:45Locked?
11:46Uh, no, no, it's not, it's not that.
11:49Uh...
11:50Unlocked?
11:50Yes, locked.
11:51It's locked.
11:54Sorry.
11:54So the point is that, uh, you know, no intruder wants to rob a neighborhood that is, um...
12:04Oh...
12:05Uh...
12:06Uh...
12:06It's, um...
12:09Well lit.
12:10Um...
12:11No, no, no.
12:12It's, uh...
12:13Vigilant.
12:13No.
12:14Secure.
12:15No.
12:15Safe.
12:16Well lit.
12:19This is great pie.
12:23Uh...
12:23This guy couldn't find a burglar.
12:24He can't find the end of a sentence.
12:28Hey, uh...
12:30Marvin, Martin?
12:31Yeah, officer.
12:31Marvin, how are you doing?
12:32Good, great.
12:32You know, I think, I think we got the message.
12:34I think it's been great.
12:35Everybody, great speech, informative, very motivational.
12:38Okay.
12:38How about a...
12:39Okay.
12:39How about a round of applause for our officer?
12:42Great job.
12:43Great job.
12:43Thanks so much.
12:44Okay, stay safe.
12:45Okay.
12:48What an idiot.
12:52Honest to God, folks, come on.
12:54Well, we gave it a shot.
12:55We tried.
12:56We got everybody here.
12:57You had your pie.
12:58I say, put your place down.
12:59Don't make a mess.
13:00Get out.
13:00And remember, mow your lawns.
13:02It's for everybody.
13:03No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:05He's kidding.
13:05I'm not kidding.
13:06Yes, because Marvin was about to assign watch rotation,
13:10and now you need to do that.
13:11No way.
13:12Hey.
13:13Let's be honest.
13:15How many in this room want to pair up and walk around in the dark together?
13:20Buy a show of hands.
13:23Come on.
13:24Nobody?
13:27Hey, Ed.
13:28Those jackals on the loading dock got to the sandwich cart first,
13:31but I did get you the last turkey club.
13:34All right.
13:34Thanks, Mikey.
13:35Okay, what's the damage?
13:36Five beans, buddy.
13:38All right.
13:38I'll give you three.
13:41What are you talking about?
13:43Five bucks.
13:44Come on.
13:44I'll give you $2.25, not a penny more.
13:47Hey, how about this?
13:48You owe me nothing, and I'll eat the sandwich.
13:51You eat that sandwich, you owe me $45.
13:54Ooh.
13:55Are you on those muscle supplements again?
13:57No, no, no, no, no.
13:58I'm sorry.
13:59I'm just getting pumped up for the big fight tonight.
14:01You know, me versus Frank Lippie.
14:03The war to settle the score.
14:05That's all.
14:05I got Lippie and the fifth.
14:07And by fifth, I mean fifth of scotch.
14:09No, no, no, Michael.
14:10Michael, no, no.
14:11Not this year, no.
14:12I've been reading a few books on the art of negotiation,
14:15and they all say the same thing.
14:17Don't be drunk.
14:27Okay, so this one you have to solve for X.
14:30How about five?
14:32No, no, no, no.
14:32Don't just guess.
14:33Figure it out.
14:35Okay, wait, so X can be, like, any number?
14:38Yes, it can.
14:39So what's wrong with five?
14:42Mandy, how have you gotten through math so far?
14:45I try.
14:45God, I really do.
14:46I don't know, but then I just start feeling overwhelmed, and...
14:52And then, and then I start to panic, and then...
14:55I don't know.
14:56I just feel like, God, I'm gonna grow up to be such a loser.
15:01The answer's seven.
15:03And that's how I've been getting through math facts.
15:09Door is open, and this alarm system is a waste of your money.
15:14That's funny, because it's true.
15:18You put your voice on my alarm system.
15:20Yeah.
15:21You can reprogram the alarm system, but you can't back the car into the garage?
15:26The garage isn't stealing my rights.
15:29Honey, you're on night watch tonight.
15:31You and Dr. Wong.
15:36Please, can you just behave yourself?
15:40He's a man.
15:41Yeah.
15:42He's a doctor.
15:43He's bright.
15:45We'll figure out something to talk about.
15:48You like sports?
15:51No.
15:53Motorcycles?
15:54Don't see the point.
16:02How long is our shift?
16:04Two hours.
16:05Two hours.
16:06How long have you been out here?
16:07Twelve minutes.
16:09Twelve minutes.
16:17Speaking of boobs.
16:20Guess you got a boob job.
16:23Angie Peters.
16:24That was months ago.
16:27Yeah.
16:30What if I told you her husband wasn't the only one enjoying those boobs?
16:35Really?
16:36Yeah.
16:38According to who?
16:40Well, I can't ID the witness.
16:41Let's just say, it's my wife.
16:47Let's just say, it's my wife.
16:52Let's just say, it's my wife.
16:58Oh, I'm watching that.
16:59Guess who just phoned.
17:01I'll give you three hints.
17:03My good friend Angie, her boobs, and Dr. Wong.
17:07It seems the whole neighborhood is talking about Angie's affair,
17:11and everyone thinks I am the one who started the rumor.
17:13Well, in fairness, you did.
17:17Mike, I told you that in confidence.
17:19How could you?
17:20Well, I'm walking around with a guy I don't know,
17:23and in order to break the ice, I started talking about boobs,
17:27and you already heard about her boobs,
17:28so I had to give him something fresh.
17:32You are so concerned with keeping us safe in this house.
17:35You want me to feel safe?
17:37Don't repeat the secrets, I tell you.
17:44So, when Frank Lippey makes an offer,
17:47I'm gonna make a buzzer sound, like,
17:49and then say, the price is wrong.
17:54See, like in a game show.
17:58Yeah, I got it.
18:00Mikey, are you with me?
18:02A little distracted.
18:03When I left the house, Vanessa was kind of mad at me.
18:07So call her.
18:08You know, I think she probably needs some time, you know.
18:11So don't call her.
18:12But I can't stop thinking about it.
18:14You're starting to feel like a lady conversation here.
18:19Mr. Elizate.
18:21So...
18:24Yes.
18:25Forgive me.
18:26Who are you?
18:27Misty Kavanaugh.
18:28Frank couldn't make it.
18:29He's caught up in Grand Junction.
18:34I will be your sales rep tonight.
18:36I'll take a thousand.
18:39Of what?
18:41Whatever you got.
18:43Flippy by a knockout.
18:48Hello?
18:50Hi.
18:53Where are you?
18:57Okay.
18:57Alright, I'll be right there.
18:58Yeah.
19:10What's this?
19:12It's an apology wrapped in a bomb shelter.
19:19Wow.
19:23I was wrong.
19:27Which time?
19:29I'm kidding.
19:31Go on.
19:33You were wrong?
19:37I violated your trust.
19:38And I do want you to feel safe in every way.
19:42Well, it's not all your fault.
19:43I mean, I did start the gossip.
19:45And I did force you to interact with our neighbors.
19:51So unnatural.
19:55I wish we could live down here.
19:56It'd be so simple.
19:58I know, honey.
19:59We got everything we need.
20:00You got canned stuff.
20:01You got mattresses.
20:02You got peaches.
20:04Hi, this is really good.
20:05What is this?
20:06Oh.
20:08Pork loaf.
20:13From the fifties!
20:34Yes!
20:35So how'd the sales meeting go?
20:40From what I remember, it's possible I'm not the negotiator I thought I was.
20:46Well, what'd you buy that I gotta sell?
20:49200 boxes of big and wide hiking shorts.
20:55So we make little tents out of them.
20:56What else?
20:5940 boxes of fish jerky.
21:03Doesn't go bad.
21:05Starts out bad.
21:09That's it?
21:11I might have asked Missy to move in with me.
21:16I thought her name was Misty.
21:18It could be, it could be.
21:21It's one of the things we can work out if she ever brings my car back.
21:33Wrecksy Wrecksy Wrecksy Wrecksy Wrecksy.
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