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Watch Free Bert Season 1 Episode 3 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:13To my nails, cut my hair, I'm a brand new bitch
00:17Got my face in McClare, I'm a new look, sick
00:21I'm a place we can share, put you on the A-list
00:25To my nails, cut my hair, I'm a brand new bitch
00:28To my nails, cut my hair, I'm a brand new bitch
00:32Alright, is this the thing?
00:36I gotta say, I'm questioning this shit out of the whole move
00:39Uh, what are your concerns?
00:41Just the overall neutering of yourself, conforming purely for acceptance
00:45Is Biles a word?
00:46It is, but it does not apply here, okay?
00:51Try to sell me on that or yourself?
00:54To my nails, cut my hair, I'm a brand new bitch
01:01Well, it's definitely different
01:04But that was the whole point, right?
01:05I'm all for change, it's obviously needed, but maybe we're overcorrecting here
01:10Yeah
01:10Are you bumping on the shorts with the button-down? Because I can swap them out with white slacks
01:15No, that's not what I was saying at all
01:17So you're saying that it's the button-down then? Because I can switch out the button-down
01:20Oh
01:21This salmon polo
01:22Oh
01:22Two salmons?
01:23And you bought all this for brunch with the Vanderbilt
01:25Right, the way you're saying that makes it sound like it's nothing
01:28Randy Hotchkiss stuck his neck out to get us this invite
01:30And?
01:31Zach Hotchkiss is gonna be there
01:33Oh, would you like to go now?
01:35Why? What's the point?
01:37Yeah, he's made it pretty clear that he wants nothing to do with her
01:39It went from texting all day, every day, to total darkness
01:43Just like that
01:43Aw
01:44Maybe he's playing hard to get
01:45Don't forget, the kid's got fucking game
01:47Yes
01:47And you're convinced that you have to completely sell out to get them to like you?
01:51Hey, excuse me, we are not selling out
01:54The Vanderthals have a lot of sway at this school
01:56We can't afford to have them as enemies
01:58Okay, zero chance that's gonna work
02:00It's literally like putting lipstick on a pig
02:02Okay
02:03If we have any chance of patching things up with them, the pig requires a little lipstick
02:08Alright
02:09The pig needs a little more than that, mascara, blood
02:12Guys, guys, guys, can we stop saying the word pig?
02:13I think that the pig should just be proud to be a fucking pig
02:16Thank you, Isla, but once again, I think there's a better analogy for this whole thing
02:19I don't
02:38All right, let's talk game plan
02:40I'm thinking classic divide and conquer
02:41I grease up Landon, you play nice with Chanel
02:43Ooh, yes, done
02:45Kill her with kindness
02:47I will have that bitch wrapped around my finger in no time
02:50Okay
02:50And then, once we smooth that over, I go full core press on Zack
02:57There he is!
02:59Hey
02:59Look at you, all dressed up
03:02You remember Mayumi?
03:04Yes, of course, Mayumi, how you doing?
03:06Yeah
03:08And you must be Leanne
03:09Yes
03:10Hi
03:10Uh, Leanne, Randy, and Mayumi Hotchkiss
03:14Yeah, oh, it is so nice to meet you both
03:17Leanne, you are one lucky lady
03:19Aw
03:19I was just saying to Yumi this morning, wait till you hang with Bert, he is gonna blow your panties
03:24off
03:24Aw
03:25Aw
03:26Aw
03:27Have you seen Landon and Chanel?
03:28No, we just got here, wait, are you sure it's cool we're here?
03:31Oh, absolutely, I spoke to them, got them all lubed up, all you gotta do is drill at home
03:36Something I get the feeling you're comfortable with, right?
03:38Am I off, Leanne?
03:40I
03:41I
03:42Come on, come on
03:42I, I, I, I, I'll bring it to him
03:44Okay
03:45I, I, I'll bring it to him
03:46Okay
03:47Yes
04:12All right
04:15Let's play nice today, kids
04:16What do you say we start over?
04:18Bert
04:18And Leanne Kreischer
04:20Dr. Landon
04:21And Chanel Vanderthal
04:22Hi
04:23Uh, thank you both so much for having us
04:26Oh, it's our pleasure
04:26We really take pride in giving people second chances
04:29Oh, that is so generous, and what a lovely home you have
04:33Oh, don't even get me started, I wanna redo every inch of it
04:36Oh, boy
04:36No, yeah, sure, I, yeah, I can see that
04:39What do you mean?
04:41Oh, no, I, I was just agreeing
04:43Let me start by saying, first and foremost, I was so wrong for the way I behaved
04:49I, I went way too far, and that wasn't me
04:52It wasn't either of us
04:53Well, um, thank you for saying that
04:56No, thank you
04:57Honestly, I, I'm, I'm a little ashamed of some of the things I said
05:01Understandably
05:02Who am I to suggest that you couldn't orally pleasure him because of all the lip injections you've had?
05:07I was wrong, and for that, I apologize
05:11Yeah, apology accepted?
05:13And to imply that the work you've done on her face is anything less than perfection was clearly said out
05:18of spite, so seriously
05:21Got it, uh, letting it go, moving on
05:23Great, hey, you know what, let's go grab a drink
05:25I'm sure there's plenty of movement on her face when you ejaculate onto it
05:27Uh-huh
05:29I was wrong to insinuate otherwise
05:33Okay, and good, and we thank you for saying that as well, don't we?
05:37Ah
05:37Uh-huh
05:38You know what, I for one, I'm so glad that we were all able to just put that behind us
05:42Yes, us too
05:43Sooner the better
05:44Hey, hey
05:45Yeah
05:45Water under the bridge?
05:47Mm-hmm
05:53Okay
05:53Great
05:54Awesome
05:54Welcome to our home
06:00All right, gentlemen, here we go
06:02Thank you, thank you
06:03Yeah, thank you, sir
06:04Okay
06:05To new beginnings, huh?
06:08New beginnings
06:09You assholes starting without me?
06:10Oh-ho
06:11Well, we thought you were still parking cars out front
06:14Oh, sorry, Bert
06:16We like to, uh, pepper a little racism in our humor
06:18You cool with that?
06:20Actually, no
06:21Yeah, I'm afraid I'll have to leave now
06:25You pull my car around, Capron?
06:28Bert, Glenn Darvish
06:29Hey, it's good to meet you, man
06:30Yeah
06:31Glenn's the, uh, managing partner over at Stratum
06:33Yeah, he runs the, it's the largest, right?
06:35Yeah, private commercial real estate debt fund
06:37Yep
06:38Just in North America, yeah
06:39Oh, okay
06:40Number two in Europe
06:42Private commercial real estate debt fund, that's crazy
06:44I have a huge chunk of my new hour about that
06:46This fucking guy
06:48Hey, I swear to Christ
06:50Hey, that's some funny shit right there
06:52Right? I told you
06:53Is that the, uh, the kind of thing you bring to the table in a friendship?
06:57Yeah, I try, I try to
06:58Huh
06:58Well, I love it
06:59Right? Yeah
07:00I told you, we had them all wrong
07:02Yeah, well, it might be that I'm, I'm not good at first impressions
07:05Oh
07:06Yeah
07:07No question
07:08There's definitely that
07:09100%
07:10Yeah
07:10No, no, no, but, but beyond that, uh, there's a different energy here, right?
07:14You guys feeling that?
07:15Yeah
07:15Yeah
07:15No, no, definitely
07:16Yeah, well, whatever it is, it's working
07:19Huh
07:20Keep it up
07:21Yeah
07:22I'll, I'll definitely try to
07:24Good
07:30Wow
07:30Wow
07:31This is your closet?
07:33Just for my purses and shoes
07:34Could you imagine if this was it?
07:37It was so gross
07:38It was so embarrassing
07:41It's so funny, I, I grew up in a trailer the same size as this
07:46What do you mean? Why is that funny?
07:48Oh
07:49No, um, not funny like a joke, I was just commenting
07:53Commenting on what?
07:55Just, uh, the irony
07:57Hmm
07:58How is it ironic that my closet is the size of your childhood home?
08:04Yeah
08:04Yeah
08:05Yeah, no, it's ironic, so I don't have the right word
08:08You know what, this is probably just me
08:10Yeah
08:10I'm, I'm overly sensitive to women not supporting other women, so
08:15Right
08:21And that's when I made the decision to start working on myself
08:23Huh
08:24Dude, so inspiring
08:25Yeah
08:26It really is
08:27Glenn, you, you really feel the need to tack on like that?
08:30Yeah, no, that was unnecessary
08:31Completely
08:32No, but honestly though, uh, you know, change, it does start from the inside
08:35But there's no reason it can't find its way to the outside
08:37Oh shit
08:38As a matter of fact, I wanna just get you down to the office
08:41Look, look at this
08:42Yeah, yeah
08:43There's no reason that I couldn't just look at that
08:45You see what that just did right there?
08:46Oh, dude
08:46Look at that, see that?
08:47Oh, yeah
08:48See what I did right there?
08:49Bring that up just like that
08:50Yeah
08:51You should've seen the jowls on me before I met this guy
08:53Uh-huh
08:54The maestro
08:55True?
08:55Oh, yeah
08:56I could also, if I may, get in there and just
08:58Oh, yeah, the bags?
08:59Get rid of those guys right there
09:00See what I did right there?
09:01Oh, yes
09:01Feel it
09:02Feel the difference?
09:03Feel it, yeah
09:03One more time
09:03It looks good
09:04Oh, yeah
09:04He's the best
09:05What do you think, should I have Tanya reach out, set an appointment?
09:08Maybe take a beat?
09:10Think it over?
09:10You wanna take a beat?
09:11Take a beat
09:12Seriously?
09:13What's to think about?
09:14Hey, can you guys give me one second?
09:16I'll be right back, okay?
09:17Okay
09:17Just a phone call away
09:21They fucking love me
09:23I am killing it
09:24How you doing on your end?
09:25I don't know
09:26She's fucking brutal
09:28She reamed me her closet
09:29Yeah?
09:30Well, maybe it's you
09:31No, wait
09:31Well, you know how when you try too hard you get that sweaty energy?
09:34You're blaming me
09:35Like, I tried
09:36How the hell is this my fault?
09:38I just like
09:38Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh
09:39There's the kid
09:40Solo at the ambulance station
09:43It's go time
09:43Wish me luck
09:44Hey, do you want me to come with you?
09:51what's up fuck boy what you want i stopped dming her buddy relax you still chapped about her
09:58running at school i mean yeah kind of i was just busting your i was just messing with you
10:05it was pretty extreme okay i overreacted one day you're gonna be my age you're gonna understand
10:11dude it is tough when your daughter starts dating especially a stud like you
10:18i felt threatened bro i'm like a kid dude you're zach fucking hot kiss you're handsome athletic
10:27i think i noticed a little sense of humor in there
10:31if you want to date my daughter you have my blessing are you fucking with me no i'm not
10:38fucking with you so what do you say we give it a go you come by the house you hang
10:41out with georgia
10:41see if that spark's still there and if it's not you walk away clean no questions asked
10:48okay yeah saturday yeah let's lock you in for saturday actually i'd feel more comfortable
10:55if we didn't lock it in okay just trying to keep things fluid that's all you get that i
10:59fucking love fluidity so we'll put it on the calendar we'll try to keep it and if we got
11:03to slide it we slide it sound cool i guess yeah so saturday yeah unless something comes
11:10up no no yeah obviously unless stuff comes up but if it doesn't saturday
11:25that was fucking amazing i am really good at this let me tell you something i told a joke at
11:30one
11:30point that wasn't even really a joke in structure it was basically a racist statement and they laughed
11:36so hard honestly at one moment i thought landon wanted to blow me wish i could say the same i
11:42can't
11:42see anything to this fucking woman without her just jumping down my throat can i give you a
11:47suggestion what have you tried listening because it's working gangbusters for me and you don't
11:52even have to listen you just have to say you're listening and then make faces and say things back
11:56to them like um how so i did it with randy the other day it was like a magic trick
12:00why do i even
12:01care these people suck at least one of us did his job you got zach to come no he doesn't
12:06have test
12:06skills baby that's why we're doing all of this no to the house dummy oh you think i was asking
12:11if
12:11you got a boy to a check late at the alma station i don't know how am i supposed to
12:14know at this
12:14point yes zach is coming to the house on saturday and dude doesn't stand a chance i'm pulling out
12:19all the toys i've said it before and you know this is true i could be a world-class pedophile
12:24if i
12:24wanted to be oh yes yes you said that i'm gonna put on a fucking clinic lure him into my
12:28van
12:28give him a little candy drop his pants down to his ankles and hand him over to george okay your
12:33analogy's gone a little far but i i like the overall concept what can i say it's a gift
12:47so what they bought your bullshit fucking ate it up yeah on the salmon polo i got three separate
12:52compliments on it thank you very much he's not kidding i witnessed it wait so that's all you had to
12:56do
12:57put on some fancy shirt and pants and now they like you it's a little more nuanced than that isla
13:01the shirts opened the door but i had to walk through it you know what i mean not at all
13:06so
13:06how'd you do mom she shut the fucking bed i got along with everyone you're the acquired taste
13:12not with this crowd i don't get it but let's talk about the real victory here
13:18zach motherfucking hotchkiss oh no dad what did you do nothing i just hung out with him he's a really
13:22chill dude and he likes you a lot oh yeah then why did he ghost me i don't know i
13:27think he got
13:28scared right hon yeah and he feels really bad about it really bad no he does as a matter of
13:33fact he feels
13:33so bad about it he wants to make it up to you so he's coming over to the house on
13:38saturday what
13:40how'd you pull that off you bribe him no i just i opened his eyes a little bit
13:44and then got out of the damn way wow uh hey thank you that's what dads do
13:59what are you doing georgia
14:08have i ever told you i couldn't miss it
14:14it isn't easy
14:29uh
14:30I think I may start crying, my heart can't wait another minute, when you kiss me at the sky, kiss
14:43me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
14:46kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
14:59kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:08kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky, kiss me at the sky,
15:15kiss me at the sky, kiss
15:16Are you kidding? It's a fucking layup. I just left them alone in the hot tub.
15:20Wait, you left them alone?
15:22Yeah, that's the beauty of this. I have never felt better about leaving two half-naked teenagers alone in a
15:27hot tub in my life.
15:28That is nice.
15:29Yeah.
15:31Are you bringing a beer?
15:32No, these are for me. I'm celebrating. I'm calling it right now.
15:35This scrotal surgery might be the best thing that's ever happened to this family.
15:38God, it is pretty great.
15:40Yeah.
15:41But on our partner, we terrible.
15:43For what?
15:43Oh, dang. Using your pedophile powers to persuade this boy with no scrotum to go out with our daughter just
15:48because we know we can't hijack him.
15:50Don't tell me you're having second thoughts. You want her to be happy, right?
15:53Oh, of course.
15:54Oh, fucking look at her. Have you ever seen her that happy?
15:56Right. Oh, it's kind of based on you.
15:59Based on what? Something other than sex? Is that so bad that they're going to get to know each other
16:03first?
16:03Well, no.
16:04And then in a year or two, when his sack is healed, then we can start talking about handjobs, maybe.
16:10Okay. Come on, guys. Handjobs again.
16:13Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Those are for Chanel, a peace offer.
16:16And are you packaging them to look on me?
16:18Yes, I am.
16:20And you're doing that one?
16:21A couple of them always get burnt, right?
16:23Genius.
16:24Are you sure those are chocolate chips? They smell like something else.
16:27What do they smell like?
16:29Uh, oh, I know. Desperation.
16:31Oh, fuck off. I'm doing something nice with this bitch I can't stand.
16:36Yeah, I think you're playing the Chanel thing all wrong. Chanel's a brick wall.
16:40What?
16:40She responds to strength.
16:42Well, who didn't like chocolate chip cookies?
16:44No, no, I'm just saying, I don't want you to panic and fuck this whole thing up for us,
16:49because I've got us in a really good place right now.
16:51Well, since what have I ever been living to fuck something up? Like, ever.
16:54Hold on. Just because my fuck-ups are usually so big no one sees your fuck-ups does not mean
16:59you don't fuck up.
17:00I think you're kind of fucking up.
17:02Hey, guys, get closer in the hot tub!
17:26Oh, man, what are you doing here?
17:29It's Leigh-Anne, actually, and I just wanted to make up for the other day. I felt really bad.
17:36Yeah, I totally get that.
17:38I just, uh, it's so silly, I don't even remember what we're mad about.
17:42Really? I do.
17:44Right. Well, I just thought that we could start fresh, like these cookies I made.
17:50Oh, that's so thoughtful. It's so cute that you took the time to bake them yourself.
17:55Well, I bake with love, and I just, I wanted to put that energy into this gift.
18:01In a plastic container, sure.
18:03Yeah, uh, right, sorry about that. I just, I just transferred them right out of the oven.
18:08Yeah, and who needs a cute box and a ribbon when you have old, dirty Tupperware lying around?
18:15I don't know. For me, I feel like you lose some of that freshness when you don't have that seal.
18:21Yeah, I get that, but for me, there's a presentation aspect that's hard to completely ignore.
18:27Sure, sure, but for me, I'm more substance over style, and at the end of the day, it's about what's
18:33best for the baked good.
18:35Yeah, understood, but for me, it's more about the person you're gifting, right?
18:38And less about the stupid fucking cookies?
18:45Yeah, definitely.
18:46Yeah, but honestly, so thoughtful.
18:51There's no nuts, right?
18:52Oh, God, no. No, no, no, I hate nuts.
18:54Great. Thanks, Linda.
18:56It's late.
18:57Anne.
19:00There we go.
19:02And we have fire.
19:05Now, uh, you guys need any sodas? Candies? Something else? What do you want?
19:09I mean, I'm good. What about you, Zach?
19:13Actually, yeah, do you have any more Red Vines, bro?
19:16Dude, we have fucking Red Vines. Isla, get every fucking Red Vine in there.
19:19Isla, why do I have her?
19:21Because Zach is here, Isla.
19:22Get it. Go.
19:24All right, temperature. How are we doing?
19:27Zach, are you cold? Do you want a blanket?
19:29That would be cool.
19:30All right, fuck yeah.
19:31Yeah.
19:33Oh, I know a lot of parents have a no-blanket policy for fear of what might happen underneath.
19:38But not us.
19:39We're chill, isn't that right, babe?
19:41Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:43Whatever we just do, make yourself at home.
19:45Have a good time.
19:46Just have fun. Relax.
19:48It is pretty chill.
19:49Yeah.
19:53What did I tell you?
19:55You have a plan, you execute the plan.
19:57Oh, solid work.
19:58We did it.
20:01Hey, we did it.
20:02Previously on Euphoria.
20:03Oh, yeah.
20:34Oh, yeah.
21:05Oh, yeah.
21:35Oh, yeah.
22:06Oh, yeah.
22:40Oh, yeah.
22:46Oh, yeah.
22:48Oh, yeah.
23:00Oh, yeah.
23:03Oh, yeah.
23:03Oh, yeah.
23:04Oh, yeah.
23:05Oh, yeah.
23:23Oh, yeah.
23:23Oh, yeah.
23:24Oh, yeah.
23:31Oh, yeah.
23:31Oh, yeah.
23:31Oh, yeah.
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