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Watch Free Bert Season 1 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:07Go, go, go, get a mess from the car.
00:10That bitch has us by the shorties.
00:12Look, I hope this isn't a step out from Dr. Chanel for me.
00:15Are you kidding me?
00:16You thought that was genuine?
00:17Yeah.
00:17She played you like a fucking fiddle.
00:19That was so real.
00:20She cried actual tears.
00:21Yeah, she's a fucking pro.
00:23She buttered you up, told you what you wanted to hear,
00:25sat back, and let you diary out the mouth.
00:28I hardly told her anything.
00:29You told her enough, and now she holds all the cards.
00:32No, no, hold on a second.
00:33Does she?
00:34Are you kidding me?
00:35If that dumb bitch opens her fucking mouth,
00:37she's going to ruin everything I built.
00:38My trust in the guys, my board seat.
00:40Oh, right, your precious board seat.
00:41I almost forgot.
00:42My guys trip to Atlanta, we're fucked.
00:44No, okay, hold on a second.
00:46Why would you tell?
00:47Sure, she blows your shit up,
00:49but she doesn't get what she wants.
00:51She doesn't get Zach back.
00:52She loses all her leverage.
00:54Think about it.
00:59It's Landon.
01:00Okay, okay, what's he saying?
01:03Well, there goes your theory.
01:05He knows.
01:06Oh, fuck.
01:07Yeah.
01:07I really thought I was onto something there.
01:09He fucked us.
01:20I really don't know.
01:21I'm gonna let her go.
01:21Go to an office.
01:22Who's the support?
01:27Who's the support?
01:30I love the support.
01:32Baby.
01:34I love the support.
01:36I love the support.
01:37Baby.
01:39Baby.
01:39Baby.
01:41Burt?
01:44So, uh, what's up, fellas?
01:50Well, it's Kirsten.
01:52Oh?
01:53I was going through her Google history last night, and, uh, I stumbled upon something concerning.
02:00A search for scrotal reconstruction.
02:04Huh.
02:06Wow.
02:07I wonder why she would...
02:08Gentlemen, I'm afraid we have a leak.
02:12I'm done.
02:14It's over.
02:16Zach's going to own my fucking ass now.
02:20Unless it was him who told her?
02:23God, no.
02:24She's the last person he'd tell.
02:26No offense.
02:28All right, well, let's break it down.
02:29I mean, who knows about the surgery?
02:31No, I mean, the four of us.
02:32Huh?
02:32Yeah, well, we know none of us leaked it, right?
02:35And we sure as shit weren't stupid enough to tell our wives, were we?
02:39Oh, can you imagine?
02:40I don't tell Val shit.
02:41Well, then who the fuck was it?
02:46Wait.
02:50It just hit me.
02:53And it pains me to say this out loud.
02:59Fucking Mayumi.
03:01She must have heard me telling you about it.
03:03That's gotta be it.
03:04It's like, every other hole is so fucking tight, but the mouth on this broad.
03:08Oh, wow.
03:09Wait, wait, wait.
03:09So you think she just maybe told Chanel and then Kirsten overheard it, maybe?
03:14I don't know.
03:15I mean, what's another plausible explanation?
03:17Think about it.
03:24They are so close to putting all the pieces together.
03:27It's just a matter of time.
03:28This sounds like it's getting out of control.
03:30I don't think you should go to Atlanta with these guys.
03:32Are you kidding me?
03:33I'm the new fourth.
03:34Do you have any idea how hard that was to achieve?
03:37I've never been part of a group before, Doc, and they like me for me, not because I take my
03:41shirt off.
03:42I know, but it just seems to me like...
03:44Hey, hey, hey, this was your idea.
03:46I'm following your plan.
03:48Do you have any idea how suspect I would look if I didn't take the trip to Atlanta?
03:51It'll look like when Leo wouldn't give a social security number in The Departed.
03:54Yeah, he was the new guy.
03:56I never understood why they didn't instantly realize it was him.
04:00Yeah, that was a giant fucking hole in the movie,
04:02and I can't rely on these guys being as stupid as the writer and filmmakers of The Departed.
04:06Yeah, well, you can't force Zach and Georgia to break up.
04:09I know that. Of course I can't.
04:11He wouldn't listen to you anyway.
04:14I see where your head's going.
04:17Where?
04:18You're saying make them do it themselves.
04:23I don't see how you got that from me.
04:25Make them believe it was their idea.
04:26They break up with each other, I come off scot-free.
04:28God damn it, you're a genius.
04:35We act like everything's normal.
04:37I go to Atlanta.
04:39I isolate Zach and plant a seed of an idea in his brain
04:43that maybe not everything's as perfect as it seems.
04:46I get him to question something, something small.
04:49And you do the same with Georgia.
04:51So when Zach returns with his shiny new ball sack
04:53and they finally talk about this stuff,
04:56it causes a fight.
04:58They go their separate ways, and we win.
05:01Yeah, but she loses?
05:03Does she?
05:04Hold on.
05:04The kid fell for her dad.
05:05He likes her for all the wrong reasons.
05:07And when his sack's healed and he's ready to fire off some shots,
05:10he's going to be like a kid on Christmas with a brand new BB gun.
05:12Okay, Bert, I hate to point it out,
05:14but this whole thing was your idea.
05:16And ideas evolve, Leanne.
05:18Okay, but this is venturing into completely unhinged.
05:23Okay, I totally hear you.
05:24You've gone soft.
05:25We'll give your part to Isla.
05:27Give what to me?
05:27Wait, were you just listening at the door?
05:29Always.
05:30In case I'm needed.
05:30Well, you are needed.
05:31What's your schedule look like?
05:32It's actually wide open.
05:34Now that they're shutting down the LD department,
05:35my lunch got a lot lighter.
05:37What?
05:37Why?
05:38This is the main reason we chose this school.
05:40I think they're redoing the gym or something.
05:43Probably a better investment in the long run.
05:44The necessary funds will be reallocated
05:47from a few lower priority departments.
05:49Departments.
05:50Departments.
05:50Should we vote?
05:51Vote.
05:51Those in favor?
05:52Favor?
05:53Favor?
05:53Burt.
05:54Your vote.
05:54Put that thing over the top.
05:56Top.
05:56Top.
05:56Burt.
05:57Huh.
05:57Did you know about this?
05:59No.
05:59How could I?
05:59Guys.
06:00Guys, what do you need me to do?
06:01Okay, Isla, listen very carefully.
06:04This is super nuanced, okay?
06:05I fuck with nuance.
06:06Stop.
06:07I'll do it.
06:09Okay.
06:09Are you sure this is right?
06:10I am more certain about this than I was about having her.
06:13You're good, Isla.
06:23Atlanta, baby.
06:24Atlanta!
06:48Big weekend.
06:50You excited?
06:51What, dude?
06:52I said, I said big weekend.
06:54You excited?
06:56For my nut surgery?
06:59I mean, I guess I'm more nervous than anything.
07:02Oh, sure.
07:03I bet.
07:05But your scrotum's in good hands.
07:07Dr. V's the best in the business.
07:09Have you ever seen Chanel's tits?
07:11Well, like, just in clothes and stuff.
07:14Oh, they're a work of art.
07:17Let me tell you something.
07:19After this surgery, you're not just walking out with a new sack.
07:23You're walking out a new man.
07:26Thanks, man.
07:27I hope so.
07:28If you were in a relationship, I'd call up that school more than every chick in there.
07:32You know how much pussy you'd get if you had balls?
07:35Well, like, you know, you don't got to worry about anything, of course.
07:37I mean, I respect you.
07:38No, no, I know, I know.
07:39That's not what I'm talking about.
07:40What I'm saying is...
07:41Hey, Bert, pop up here, will you?
07:44Yeah, yeah.
07:46Hold that thought.
07:53What's up, guys?
07:54Well, we got some new info, that's what I'm saying.
07:56Whoa.
07:57Yeah, it wasn't my Omi.
07:58She knows nothing.
07:59Trust me, I'd put her through the fucking ringer.
08:01What, did you go green card?
08:02Yeah.
08:04What's green card?
08:05Oh, it's just this whole thing.
08:07I got my buddy Steve saved in my phone.
08:09I don't know if I'm going to go in his ISO.
08:10Whenever I need to put the screws to her, I just have him call the house and she freaks
08:13out.
08:13I bet.
08:14Fucking brilliant.
08:15Wait, hang on.
08:17So we still don't know who told Kirsten?
08:19Well, we have a better understanding of the timeline.
08:21Now, we know she Googled scrotal reconstruction Wednesday night, right?
08:25But then, Wednesday morning, she's texting her friend Lexi,
08:28what the fuck is up with Zach lately, is he gay, LOL.
08:33Right.
08:34So, Wednesday morning, she's in the dark.
08:37Wednesday evening, she's got the answer.
08:40So, what do we think happened Wednesday?
08:43That's exactly where our heads went.
08:45So now, all we got to do is trace her steps.
08:48Now, I have her location services on my phone, but we don't have any fucking Wi-Fi up here.
08:52Okay, hey, hey, hey, Lando, not the end of the world.
08:55I know, but this fuck...
08:56Look, as soon as we touch down, we'll be able to trace every step she took that day.
09:00So, not to be concerned.
09:11So, how's it going with Zach?
09:13Is it kind of...
09:15petering out?
09:16No, he's the best.
09:20Honestly, I couldn't even imagine a better boyfriend or relationship.
09:23Yeah, she was literally a zero before he started dating him,
09:26and now she's, like, bordering on cool in the discussion for Ms. Barclay
09:31with a chance to dethrone Kirsten.
09:33It's been stunning to witness, honestly.
09:35Thanks, I love.
09:37I just don't want to see you get hurt, sweetie.
09:39You know, Zach is a very popular boy, and he's giving off...
09:43I don't know.
09:44Maybe, like, player vibes that I'm picking up on.
09:47No, no, no, no, no.
09:47He's not like that, okay?
09:49He actually respects me and wants to take things super slow.
09:52Right, of course he does.
09:53Slow?
09:54That's being generous.
09:54You guys haven't even kissed yet.
09:56You haven't?
09:57No.
09:59Why?
10:00Is that weird?
10:03No.
10:05No, it's not weird, sweetie.
10:07Okay.
10:15This is ridiculous.
10:16Drop 100 fucking K on a jet and I can't even check Instagram?
10:19This is such fucking bullshit.
10:20I'm going to go ask you about that Wi-Fi.
10:21I want to get to the bottom of this.
10:23Yeah.
10:23Glenn, please do something.
10:24But, Glenn, but really complain, okay?
10:27I want someone to lose their job over this.
10:28Yeah, and see if you can get something for free.
10:30I'm on it.
10:34Hey, can I ask you guys a question that might be a little bit in the sensitive area?
10:39Yeah.
10:40What's up?
10:40Anything, man.
10:41Blur is yours.
10:42What's up?
10:48It's Glenn.
10:50I mean, how well do we know this guy?
10:53Glenn?
10:54I mean, we've been pretty close for, what, 25, 30 years?
10:57Yeah, but not more than that.
10:58I mean, think about menopause.
10:59Oh, school.
11:00We went to elementary school together.
11:02So when his folks died, my parents adopted him.
11:05So, and we're not technically brothers, but, you know, we shared a room.
11:09Well, after the crash, he was in it.
11:11He did a little stint in an orphanage.
11:12Yeah, for a couple of months.
11:13Then he moved in with me.
11:14Bunk beds.
11:15Why do you ask?
11:19I wish my spidey senses weren't going berserk here, but...
11:24It's just every time someone brings up the Kirsten thing, he gets a little defensive.
11:29Look, you know him better than I do.
11:32But I think he's hiding something.
11:48Okay, so I'll be making the first of several incisions here.
11:54And then what I'll do is I'll open the flaps, remove the testicles temporarily,
11:59and then just burn off any remaining scrotal skin.
12:03And we should all be here?
12:05This is customary?
12:07Well, I mean, technically no, but, yeah.
12:11So then I'll use a local tissue graft from the inner thigh to perform the scrotoplasty
12:16and construct the replacement pouch.
12:19Uh, Landon, of course, that's where you come in.
12:22All over it.
12:23Hand me that big old hog, will you?
12:24Yep, there you go.
12:25Thanks, pal.
12:26All right, look, obviously we want to make this thing durable, okay?
12:29But at the same time, this thing's got to be a fucking showstopper of a sack, okay?
12:33A hundred percent.
12:34I mean, it's got a look real, feel real, taste real.
12:38Right, bud?
12:40I mean, yes.
12:42And then, uh, since your case is pretty rare,
12:46we'll need to tunnel the nuts into the new pouch
12:49and suture it into place to prevent them from retracting upward.
12:53Help form the pocket, if you will.
12:56Same concept as a baseball glove, bud.
12:58Yeah, yeah, I get it.
12:59Oh, uh, I have a question.
13:00How long until we get that contraption, you know, up and running on this guy?
13:04Oh, it should be a fairly speedy recovery.
13:07Yeah, I'd say two to three weeks before you can drop a proper load.
13:10Well, got it.
13:11Pretty good.
13:12Look, if we do our jobs right here, all right,
13:14Zach walks out of here with something between his legs that he can feel super proud of.
13:18Uh, Mr. Hotchkiss, I just need you to fill out some paperwork.
13:21Uh, you too, Landon.
13:22Sure.
13:22Absolutely.
13:23Gentlemen, we'll be right back, bud.
13:25Powerful presentation, doctor.
13:26Thank you for noticing.
13:28Really enjoyed that.
13:35Wow.
13:36Lots of stuff going on.
13:39It's such weird timing, huh?
13:42What do you mean?
13:43I'm just saying, you know, big surgery.
13:46You're starting a new relationship.
13:47It's a lot on a kid's plate.
13:48You've got to get one of them off there, and you can't get the surgery off.
13:51They're not going to mess anything up, right?
13:53I mean, what if they make a mistake and my balls are permanently fucked?
13:58No, no, no, no, no, no.
13:59That's not going to happen.
14:00Let's get back to the relationship, though.
14:02I don't know.
14:02I mean, what if something goes wrong?
14:03I mean, something could go wrong, right?
14:05Take a breath.
14:06Dad.
14:06Hold on.
14:06Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
14:07Dad.
14:08Shh, shh.
14:08Lower your breath.
14:09Dad, get in here.
14:10Don't shut the fuck up.
14:11Dad, get in here.
14:12Randy, I'm fucking freaking out.
14:14It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
14:16Let's go.
14:17Look at me.
14:18You got this.
14:19Okay.
14:19You fucking, you're a hotchkiss.
14:21Hotchkiss.
14:21You're a hotchkiss.
14:22Okay?
14:23Okay.
14:24You want this sack.
14:25I want this sack.
14:26You need this sack.
14:27You need this sack.
14:33Bye, girls.
14:35Bye.
14:36I love you, baby.
14:37Be good.
14:37Have fun, girls.
14:38Play nice.
14:40Behave.
14:41Hey.
14:41Oh.
14:43I texted you.
14:45You're not avoiding me, are you?
14:46What?
14:46No.
14:47Of course not.
14:49Okay.
14:49Of course not.
14:50Good.
14:50Because I have some news I think you're really going to be happy about.
14:53I spoke to my attorneys and I told them all about your genius mislabeling theory.
14:57Oh, yeah?
14:57They think we have a very strong case for a very lucrative lawsuit.
15:02A lawsuit?
15:03Well, yeah.
15:04The cooking oil people are 100% responsible, right?
15:07So they should pay, don't you think?
15:10Yes.
15:10Of course.
15:12And you're including me in the lawsuit?
15:14Like, I mean...
15:15Well, it was your theory.
15:17What kind of monster do you think I am?
15:19I wouldn't dream of cutting you out.
15:21That is so sweet of you.
15:25I mean, unless you're coming off that theory.
15:33God, no.
15:35If anything, I'm more convinced now.
15:37Great.
15:38So they'll just need to take your deposition under oath, of course.
15:42Testifying that you made the cookies yourself from scratch.
15:44The list of ingredients you use, receipts you have, stuff like that.
15:48Yeah, I mean, I definitely have all that stuff.
15:53Why wouldn't you?
15:58Okay, I'll have my lawyer reach out and get that all set up.
16:01Thanks, sweetie.
16:02No, thank you.
16:03No, thank you.
16:05Thank you, honey.
16:14How's he doing?
16:15He's battling, bro.
16:18It's tough to watch.
16:21We shared a good hard cry, and then he fell asleep in my arms.
16:31Well, maybe this will be like a bonding experience?
16:35Something that you shared in life that you'll never forget?
16:43Zach's a strong kid, Randall.
16:45He's going to be okay.
16:47What's that?
16:48He's a strong kid.
16:49He's going to be okay.
16:50You think he's going to be fucking okay?
16:52Yeah.
16:53Is that what you're saying?
16:54No, no, no, no, no, you said it, Glenn.
16:56So just tell me what the fuck you're just saying.
16:58What did I say?
16:58No, no, no, no.
16:59No, you just said he's going to be fucking okay.
17:03He doesn't have a fucking sack.
17:05Sorry, you're not.
17:06No, no, don't fucking say you're sorry.
17:07I'll fucking come over this fucking table,
17:09and I will take you down right fucking here.
17:12Right fucking here, man.
17:14No, just shut the fuck up.
17:19You guys see my phone anywhere?
17:20I haven't seen it since we were on the plane.
17:22I don't know what I did with it.
17:26Yeah, fuck.
17:27I hate when that happens.
17:28You know what, it's fine.
17:29I'll just have my assistant order me a new one,
17:31get it delivered, sink it to the cloud.
17:32I'll be back online in a couple of hours.
17:34Wow.
17:35That easy, huh?
17:37Yeah.
17:37Then we'll find out where Kirsten's been
17:39and nail down who this mole might be.
17:41That'll be great.
17:42Yeah, it will be great, Glenn.
17:45Hmm.
17:50I want to find out who's behind this.
17:52Yeah, I bet you do, Glenn.
17:58All right, screw this.
17:59Should we go grab some wings?
18:00Ooh, I can fuck up some wings.
18:02Yup, says Magic Kitty has the best in town.
18:04Here we go.
18:05I'm not sure that's our vibe, guys.
18:08I'm pretty sure that's a strip club.
18:09I think we can handle some mild nudity
18:11if the wings are worth it, right, guys?
18:13Ooh, yeah.
18:14Let's go.
18:15Yeah.
18:15Come on.
18:15Come on, big guy.
18:17Come on, man.
18:17Let's go.
18:19I'm about to fuck this cash up on a new toy.
18:21I'm about to fuck this cash up on a new toy.
18:25You can't understand us.
18:26That's your two song.
18:28Tell the band fans run them straight through the machine.
18:32This is nice.
18:33Yeah, it's a good vibe.
18:36Wolfpack.
18:38Wolfpack.
18:38Hey, hey, hey.
18:39Thanks for having me.
18:41Oh, absolutely, Bert.
18:42Hey, you earned it, all right?
18:44You deserve to be here.
18:45Yeah.
18:46You really put in the work, pal.
18:48Thanks for noticing.
18:49Oh, almost forgot.
18:51Oh.
18:53Get ready.
18:54We've been talking and we'd like you to have something.
18:59Wait.
18:59What?
19:01Ooh.
19:03What is this?
19:04It's a password to Dr. Shestak's photo sharing link.
19:09Only six people on the planet have access.
19:11Who?
19:12I don't know what to say.
19:15Say yes.
19:17Say yes to the link of your gynecologist who passes pussy pics?
19:20To what the link represents.
19:22To us.
19:24Bring it in.
19:25To us.
19:26To us.
19:27You got the best gift in the house tonight.
19:29Please give it up.
19:31The pack man, Joe.
19:35If I see your white ass out somewhere with a fucking shirt on, I'm gonna be highly motherfucking
19:40disappointed, my boy.
19:41My boy.
19:42I bet not see you ever with a shirt on.
19:44You know what, guys?
19:46I'm gonna hit the can.
19:47Make a little room for these wings, okay?
19:49Yeah.
19:49I'll be back.
19:55Yeah.
20:00I'm gonna stick.
20:04I know.
20:05I'm gonna stick.
20:07I'm gonna stick.
20:08I'm gonna stick.
20:11You know what?
20:17Hey, you remember the crew my boy Marlo and my boy Sonny. Hey, look at you guys
20:22I'm inspired by you, bro. This is how we do it now. Oh, sir. Shut the fuck up. You change
20:27shit
20:28for us. Gave us a whole new perspective. Really? Yeah, look at all these motherfuckers. Letting rules and shirts dictate
20:34they lies. We over here living life on the buckle. You know what I mean? No seat belt. Like, for
20:39real.
20:40Boy, we about to have a ball tonight, my boy. Yes, we are. Let's fucking do this.
20:46Okay, let's go. Let's do shots.
20:49All right, man. Anything you want.
20:54Hey, did you meet that new chick, the one over there? Some other thing?
20:57Yeah, let me go get her, okay? I'll get her, I'll bring her back.
20:59All right, you guys stay here. Everybody, welcome back to the stage.
21:04One time to the stage. Excuse me. You okay, bro?
21:08Yeah, you're, like, fully sweating. Must have been a doozy.
21:12No, I'm good. But I can't say the same for the shitter back there.
21:16Wait a second. What?
21:19Did you sneak in a lap dance behind our backs?
21:25Busted. Busted. Yeah, dude.
21:27You know, I was going to the shitter, and I cut the corner, and this stripper, like, grabs me, and,
21:31like, throws me down, and starts grinding on me.
21:33Are you serious? It was like she was trying to undo my fly with her butt.
21:36She was just.
21:38Which girl?
21:40It's that one right there.
21:42And she said she could get us into the private room.
21:44Let me get her over here.
21:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:46No, no, no. I'll talk to her.
21:48I already set up a rapport with her, you know?
21:50It would be weird.
21:51Yeah, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
21:53What's good, fellas?
21:55Where is she, bro?
21:56Who?
21:58What the fuck you got going on, my boy?
22:00What are you talking about, man?
22:01I'm just partying.
22:02Wait, wait, wait.
22:02You said you was going to get the girl, then you disappeared for way too long.
22:06Like, what the fuck?
22:06Yeah, then you came back here out of breath and shit, not remembering what you told us?
22:10Yeah.
22:10You doubtfiring us, bro?
22:11No.
22:11I'm not doubtfiring anybody, I swear to God.
22:13I don't know, man.
22:14We seen you go put a shirt on and go sit with them white folks over there.
22:17You really think you could just switch up your whole thing and bounce back and forth without us knowing?
22:21Hey, look, this place too small for that shit, though.
22:23Yeah, at least in the movie, you was far away enough.
22:25Yeah, and you was a waitress with a tray to hide behind.
22:28You just out here in the open with it.
22:29All right, listen, guys.
22:31I thought it was just a shirt and I pressed that it was on a wig.
22:33I could get away with it.
22:34Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, my boy.
22:37What about the other guys?
22:38Is it still working on them?
22:39Oh, thanks for reminding me.
22:41We're about to find out.
22:44Hey, oh, Bert.
22:46What the fuck?
22:47Sorry, guys.
22:48I just got caught up.
22:50Well, what happened to your shirt?
22:55Same fucking stripper.
22:56I went to talk to her about the private room and she fucking ripped my goddamn shirt off.
23:00No, no, no, no.
23:00I gotta say.
23:02I'm a little shocked right now.
23:03Okay?
23:04Yeah, like to my core.
23:06I mean, here I thought we were all being honest with each other.
23:09Yeah, I'm a little disappointed in you too, Bert.
23:11Wait, hold on.
23:11Guys, let me explain.
23:12Because from here, it looked like you were partying with Pac-Man Jones without us.
23:17Wait.
23:18What?
23:19You know Pac-Man fucking Jones?
23:23Uh, yeah.
23:24A little bit.
23:26Well, are you going to introduce us or what?
23:55I'm so fucking wasted.
23:56Yeah, but you're going to be good for the surgery, right?
23:58What?
23:59Oh, yeah.
24:00A cup of coffee, maybe a bump or two.
24:02I'll be just fine.
24:21Holy shit.
24:22Bert.
24:23Come on in.
24:24No, no, I'm good.
24:25I am.
24:25No, no, no, Bert.
24:26Take a seat.
24:27No, actually, I'd rather not land it.
24:29Found my phone.
24:31Huh?
24:32In your jacket.
24:36Sit down, Bert.
24:46It was you.
24:48Huh.
24:50How did I not see it?
24:51Here I was, questioning lifelong friendships, and it never occurred to me it might be the new
24:56guy who just joined the fucking crib.
24:58It's a surprisingly easy mistake.
25:00It's a surprisingly easy mistake.
25:01Listen, I'm sorry, Landon.
25:02I don't know what happened.
25:04I guess maybe Kirsten must have ever heard me talking with you guys on the phone at the
25:07school and then she came over to me.
25:09Don't tell me she blackmailed you.
25:11She actually did.
25:12Oh, fuck.
25:12I know.
25:13It's really upsetting.
25:15Oh, fuck.
25:15I know.
25:16And I was gonna come and talk to you privately.
25:17Oh, what?
25:19Oh, I'm just kidding.
25:20Oh.
25:21Thank you, honey.
25:21That's great.
25:22You're welcome.
25:23Oh.
25:25Whew.
25:26Goddamn.
25:27I can't believe she did that.
25:29I thought you were finishing her mouth.
25:30Yes, Kirsten.
25:31God, it just kills me that she did this to you.
25:34I mean, I guess she was just so upset that Zack broke up with her, you know?
25:37And she didn't know why.
25:38And none of us did.
25:40Yeah.
25:41Then I saw him in one of your stupid fucking jerseys and, well, it hit me.
25:49You seduced him, didn't you?
25:52So you could rest easy knowing that the kid couldn't bust for shit.
25:56It's actually fucking brilliant.
25:57Look, I was just looking after my daughter.
25:59Oh, no, I get that.
26:01Hey, I'm a girl dad, too.
26:02And, look, don't even worry about Kirsten blackmailing you.
26:06I'll talk to her, all right?
26:07Oh.
26:09Landon, you have no idea, bro.
26:12On one condition.
26:13Oh.
26:14Mr. and Miss Barklage is this Sunday.
26:16And you're gonna be up there, right?
26:18You're gonna be the one announcing the winner.
26:19It's all in your hands.
26:22I'll just read the name of whoever wins.
26:25Absolutely.
26:25You should 100% read the name of whoever gets the most votes.
26:31Cool.
26:32But it's Kirsten.
26:34Wait.
26:35Hang on.
26:36What if someone else wins?
26:37Oh, yeah.
26:38Well, then you should absolutely read that person's name.
26:42But it's Kirsten.
26:43Wait, I'm a little confused.
26:44Because you keep saying that I should read whoever it says.
26:49Yeah, I mean, we want to be fair, don't we?
26:51Right.
26:52Right, yeah.
26:52Right.
26:53Okay, well, then good.
26:53We're on the same page.
26:54Okay.
26:55They'll count the votes.
26:56Yes.
26:56They'll hand you a piece of paper with the name of the new Miss Barklage on it.
26:59And you, as the emcee, will read that name.
27:03Okay.
27:03Okay.
27:04Great.
27:04Great.
27:05But it's Kirsten.
27:09All right.
27:10Well, I'm gonna go do another bump just to get ready for surgery tomorrow.
27:14Are you good?
27:17I knew I could count on you.
27:46Bye.
27:47Bye.
27:59Bye.
28:41We'll see you next time.
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